ChrisK

Hey there! I would basically have some input on whether or not tripping is a good idea for me right now or not. I am very much drawn towards taking Acid in the near future for some perspective and insight, but I am also extremely afraid of doing it. My biggest fear is losing my mind and getting lost in something like what you might consider a mental hell. I have never experienced real ego death, only maybe the very first signs of it but even that was scary and overwhelming to me. One example is, I was just sitting on a couch with my eyes closed (with a few other people around) and as I opened them I was preparing some food for myself, only to realize that it was not me making the food but our sitter and I was still sitting on the couch with my eyes closed. This experience really scared me back then. Now I am actually looking forward to experience that again, this time better prepared. Set and setting were not optimal back then, but if I will do it again my closest friend will sit me back at my home, to make it feel as safe as possible. Also whenever I meditate I really feel like doing psychedelics again could very much benefit me. Some of that motivation is me being impatient and wanting to see what's possible. I also did some microdosing lately and even then I got an extreme rush of anxiety and fear like I never felt before around the time the substance should take effect. Some things I currently struggle with are fear of rejection, fear of being inherently wrong/being a mistake at my core and not good enough and I really fear that I am in a way condemned to leading a unfullfilling life. I hope that psychedelics may give me a new perspective on some of these issues, espacially the victim mentality. I really don't think that I am just fucked no matter what, but I don't know if it is a good idea to take psychedelics right now or if that would be pushing it too hard and I should do some more work on myself until I am in a better place mentally. I really want to trip again since I do think that psychedelics hold enourmous potential for personal growth and I want to start using them more often, espacially microdosing. So any thoughts and opinions are very welcome, espacially if you have any recommendations for practices or ways in which way I can work towards facing my fears. Thank you in advance and have a great day!!!

Thanks to all your responses!! @cetus56 Thats awesome! I have no idea what I should make out of this right now and i think thats beautiful! I will keep it in mind when the time comes! @universe I looked around a little (in the forum and google) and I guess you mean the practice of letting go, or at least something in that direction? I wasen't even aware that Leo talked aboput this in his first ever videos and I thank you for sharing it! I really feel like this will be the gamechanger for me. I tried a varation of it yesterday (remember unpleasent event, focus on unpleasent feeling in body and just look at it). I noticed there is soooo much tension in me that it feels really unpleasent focusing on it for a few minutes and I am baffled that I am walking around with this all day and did not really notice until now. But I am able to feel into it, so I am very optimistic that I can make some progress there. @Serotoninluv Thanks for sharing! This isn't really something anyone would want to experience in a café I guess^^ But I see that even those experiences can have their significance for ones growth if you can accept them. Maybe loosing my mind will be what I need if I even coem that far For now I think I will have a go at it around christmas and until then I really want to look into the sedona method(or practice letting go etc. , I think they point in the same direction from what I can tell right now).

Thank you and thank you for your answer!! This already helped alot! Another question I had was If i can have a positive experience in spite of initial fear and your reply also semms to confirm that psychedelics give you the experience you need and not the experience you want. I just realized that I am very strict with myself because I considered dancing etc. a way of the ego to distract itself and as a sign of weakness.. Writing this out makes it bloody obious how stupid that is to beat myself up over this. Can you explain what you mean with the "nl mytology period" ?