Psychonaut

Who is understanding?

I am a high dose psychedelics user. For me I would go up to 60 - 65mg before giving up. I took 5-meo years ago and broke through on 50mg or so. Now the experiences are very different. No purging, no fear, no desires but also nothing really that I would classify as a real breakthrough. I am currently also at about 50mg. If you have something that can already switch of your mind a little bit. Like some dissociative maybe. That might help. 5-meo-dmt can easily be combined with other psychedelics. You could do a LSD trip and prepare 2-3 syringes of 5-meo-dmt and just take it on the trip. Just don't force it. I tried to force it years ago and traumatized myself. Always do everything with self love and care. Maybe you also just need a few more trips to prepare the body. Seeing your friends breakthrough is just your ego wanting that experience. Relax it. You will get there. Relax and just try with love. Eventually it'll work.

MXPCP for me works on the level of energy body. Or it somehow disconnects something that I can go into the energy field. It guides me very strongly to either put my hand on my stomach, my heart, to chant, to do a headstand or different Kriyas. It is also possible that it just releases the Kundalini energy for me and that is why I feel so much energy. 2-FDCK is in the mind. They are completely different.

I ordered it because I don't know. MXPCP is insane, like completely insane. I can feel so much on it. Meditating on it is bonkers, chanting mantras on it I can feel every word. It feels like a sledgehammer goes through my energy body. I can feel the pain that drove me to engage with women, the primal lack. When I do "hoo pono pono" I can feel every sentence. I can feel my thoughts. The impact of them. The energetic quality. I can feel when the mind comes back and spins words. Just like it is doing now. Trying to figure it out. Trying to be seen. Trying to be noticed. Trying to be validated. I also have 5-Meo-DMT here, but MXPCP is something else. Like 5-Meo-DMT is cool, but it is the same more or less every time. I wonder why no one is talking about MXPCP on the forums or other Dissociatives? I am also thinking of trying 3-MeO-PCE.

I ended up filling the syringe with 80mg but splitting the doses volumetrically. So first I did about 0.3ml (~20-30mg) on the peak of a high dose MXPCP trip (120mg) and then later I did the rest 0.6ml (~50-60mg). The two doses worked well.

Psychologically?

I am getting that I should take 80mg of 5-meo-dmt. I don't feel like it's ego or a desire to take a large amount to prove to myself something. I have previously taken 50mg. I am not sure what peoples doses are atm, but I mean it can't kill me, right? Well nothing that is important to begin with.

I don't have access to Ketamine, I just have 1-FDCK. I plugged 86mg earlier today to compare both of them. I'll just refer to 1-FDCK as Ketamine. They are close enough. Ketamine and MXPCP are completely different. Ketamine is more in the head. The disconnection can happen in the head. One can think clearly on it. Not that many thoughts arise as on a thought producing substance like acid. But one could contemplate questions. MXPCP for me has nothing to do with thinking. It is just feeling. For me it works on "the energy body". What I do is intuitive. If I meditate on it. I do. I don't think about it. My energy system is transforming a lot at the moment. Substances affect me differently. For example I had sex with a girl today and at times it felt like I was tripping. It was so out of this world. I ejaculated in a dream a few days ago. It was extremely painful, as if I was being ripped apart. Before that I haven't ejaculated in almost 4 months and today I consciously chose to. It was nice, but in retrospect actually it was a little painful. MXPCP is a happening just like 5-MeO-DMT. Ketamine is an ego/mind drug. It's a toy. MXPCP wipes the floor. At least for me. A clean slate. It's all I ever wanted. To be loved just the way I am. Nothing more. Nothing less. I don't know what it is. But it's pure gold. For me. It's my gold. Maybe everyone has their substance? Their key?

@Leo Gura Define psychedelic. It's more healing / energetic. On higher doses it has some effects that remind me of DMT. No visuals though. If psychedelic entails that it can be used for spiritual work. Then it is that.

@LambdaDelta I only recently have gotten into Dissociatives and it was quite a longshot for me. I didn't believe they would actually hold any potential for spiritual work. I was pleasantly surprised though. For me though almost any substance, besides weed and alcohol are for spiritual work. In the shop I am ordering from there aren't so many substances available. 2-FDCK HCl 3-HO-PCP HCl 3-HO-PCE HCl 3-MeO-PCE HCl O-PCE HCl 3-Me-PCP HCl 3-Me-PCPy HCl 3-Me-PCE HCl 2-FXiPr HCl MXPCP HCl Out of these 3-MeO-PCE sounds promising and I am considering ordering it. 2-FDCK I have already and it is cool too. I fed this list to Google Gemini and it actually highlighted some surprising picks: The "Warm Teacher": 3-HO-PCP Why it fits: This is likely the closest upgrade to what you enjoy in MXPCP. Unlike the manic energy of standard PCP, 3-HO-PCP is widely reported to have a unique "warmth" (likely due to its affinity for opioid receptors). The Experience: It is often described as tranquil, profoundly introspective, and "magical." It creates a safe-feeling headspace where you can examine trauma or complex concepts without the cold, clinical detachment of other dissociatives. The "Deep Void": O-PCE Why it fits: If 5-MeO-DMT is the "rocket ship" of tryptamines, O-PCE is often considered the "rocket ship" of dissociatives. The Experience: It is famous for its "Hole" capabilities. It can completely disconnect you from your body and physical reality, placing you in a vast, abstract "void." The Vibe: Unlike 3-HO-PCP, O-PCE is often described as cold, clinical, and digital. It is excellent for exploring the structure of consciousness or deep meditation, but it lacks the emotional "fuzzy blanket" feeling of MXPCP.

I recently discovered MXPCP. It has anti depressent effects for me. It won't be as draining as MDMA. MDMA is long. Depending on dose MXPCP is around 2-5hr.

Because the shop on the clearnet I get it from only has freebase and I don't want to go to other sources just for HCL.

I only have 1ml syringes. I would have to get 3 or 5ml then. It's not a mild sting Leo. My ass is still on fire the next day. It's sore and I am no whimp on spicy food.

I need some help with plugging. I have 5-meo-dmt freebase. I can dissolve the freebase nicely in vinegar essence and need about 0.1 ml for 10mg. Now the problem is that vinegar essence is 25% acid and it's very strong. On lower doses let's say 30mg I would fill up my 1ml syringe with 0.3 ml vinegar and dillute the rest with water. With 0.5ml it becomes uncomfortably painful and I think it really not good for me. Now what should I do? Somehow neutralize the acid in the vinegar essence or evaporate the vinegar and then dillute with water? I have no idea.

MDMA

I recently have gotten my hands on some 2-FDCK and some MXPCP. I am really surprised that both of these bring me into a feeling of love / self love. I also feel my energy body more vividly and directly. It feels healing to me. I have taken them during online meditations, which I believe has helped me stay centered. I am not sure if there is a big difference between the two dissassociatives for me yet. I have only taken the MXPCP once and it felt stronger, but the main effect was very similar. Combining 1-FDCK with 5-Meo-DMT was really nice for me.

I still had some Oxiracetam left over and used it before meditating (sublingually). To me it felt as if it enhanced my meditation depth. Has anyone of used Nootropics specifically for meditation? I also take Alpha-GPC, Huperzine-A, Acetyl-L-Carnitine, Creatine, Maca and Mucuna Pruriens.

I have tried a lot of supplements/Nootropics and most didn't do anything for me. So when I reintroduced them I stuck with the best for me which are Alpha-GPC, Huperzine-A and Acetyl-L-Carnitine. Explanation from Gemini of the stack: This nootropic stack combines Alpha-GPC, Huperzine-A, and Acetyl-L-Carnitine to synergistically enhance cognitive function, primarily by targeting the neurotransmitter acetylcholine, which is crucial for learning and memory. Alpha-GPC acts as a direct precursor, supplying the brain with the necessary building blocks to produce more acetylcholine. Huperzine-A then complements this by inhibiting the enzyme that breaks down acetylcholine, effectively prolonging its action and increasing its availability in the brain. Meanwhile, Acetyl-L-Carnitine supports overall brain health and energy metabolism by aiding in the production of acetylcholine and protecting brain cells from oxidative stress. Together, these three compounds create a powerful combination aimed at improving focus, memory formation and recall, and mental clarity.

Piracetam for me didn't provide a noticeable change. Aniracetam I don't know. Phenylpiracetam, even though it's supposed to be one of the best, also didn't do anything noticeable for me. Noopept did work for me. But I can't really recall what exactly. I had it as a nose spray, which I mixed myself. That was a fun time. Wow. I just found 10g of Noopept for 20 bucks on Amazon. 😂 Let's have some fun 🤣

I'm in a relationship with a woman training to be a Geistheiler (spiritual healer). Recently, I've jeopardized our relationship due to my drug use and dishonesty. I told my girlfriend about ordering 5-MeO-DMT and 5-MeO-MALT. She was upset and didn't want me to take them, but initially seemed okay with it. However, things escalated: 1. During a call with her, I took 5-MeO-DMT and told her about it while on the phone. I had a rough trip, and she tried to help by sending me love and attempting to summon angels. This experience was difficult for both of us. 2. Another time, I took 5-MeO-MALT at home without informing her beforehand. When she asked later if I had taken anything, I admitted to it. This upset her greatly, as she felt I had betrayed her trust again. She now wants me to tell her before I take anything, but I've broken her trust twice. She's given me an ultimatum: if I continue using drugs like this, our relationship is over. The sexual connection in our relationship is incredibly strong - it's otherworldly and addictive. Honestly, it's the main reason I'm interested in staying. I have a history of communication problems and drug use in relationships. I often freeze up during arguments, leading to emotional reactions and a desire to escape. I'm torn between my desire to continue exploring with substances and maintaining this relationship. Should I break up with her or try to make it work? Any insights or advice would be appreciated, especially regarding: 1. The ethics of staying in a relationship primarily for sex 2. Balancing drug use with relationship commitments 3. Rebuilding trust and improving communication 4. Identifying problematic patterns in my approach to relationships

Thank you Emerald for your kind and honest opinion. We have broken up... It's been an emotional rollercoaster.

That is the thing. She absolutely cannot see the controlling, or even if I bring it up she says "I didn't say I would break up with you over it". But it is the strong disapproving feeling of an overarching mother, that still made me not do certain things just because I didnt feel like getting the disapproving feeling or arguing over bullshit. She tried to form me into the man she wants. When I bring up things like the food then she says "you know sugar etc is bad for you, I am just looking out for you". Again mother behaviour. I need to make my own experiences. In her worldview I made her into what she is now. The controlling is because I am not trustworthy and don't give her a feeling of stability. She wanted to save me from the start, she knew that I have a diagnosis from the psychiatry. She even said at some point that I was ill actually attracted her to me. Well I don't want to be ill anymore. I dont take any medication and I want to be stable and happy for myself. See myself and get to know who I actually am. I need to work on myself, need to be more open, be clean from "bad influences" like rap music, sugar, meat, news, etc... Then I ask myself what is she going to do to make the relationship work? Is she going to stop the controlling. Is she going to accept that men sometimes masturbate and that it has zero to do with her? Is she going to understand or accept that some things one just keeps to oneself? That one doesn't need to share absolutely everything with the other person? That it might actually be healthy if it's two independent people coming together and not one glued together glob? Is she going to start meditating again and working on herself instead of smoking weed all day? All she wants to do is talk. And talking is fine sometimes. It helps the mind to understand and come to terms with things. But emotions can't be loosened or healed by just talking. That requires sound, movement and feeling through the emotion. We are turning in circles. Stirring up the same stinky soup over and over again.

I'm in a pretty tough spot with my relationship right now and could really use some outside perspectives. Lately, most days feel more bad than good. I'm trying to get clearer on whether we even fit together anymore. I tried making a list of the pros and cons of our relationship, and I'm finding it really hard to see the positive sides, even though I know they exist. I also feel like I have a bias toward perceiving negative things more strongly. Here are some points that are running through my head: The "Pros" (which I see, but are sometimes hard to pinpoint): She's an open person. At the beginning, I felt like she really understood me, but that feeling isn't as strong anymore. She gets me out into nature, which is good for me. I admire her ability to wriggle out of situations, her euphoria and drive, and her simplicity. Her sensitivity is a strength and a weakness, she can sense when I think about certain things which can feel a bit intrusive. We've had some really beautiful shared experiences, like camping, being in nature, and trips to Portugal, and some nice places. But sometimes I feel like that is the only thing we shared. We were camping buddies that also had sex. We used to have open conversations, and I could talk about my feelings. The "Cons" (which are weighing heavily on me): She tends to have dogmatic black-and-white thinking. She already has a child and doesn't want more children, which is a significant point for us. I don't think I am ready for a child, but not having the option at all is a problem for me. I feel like she forbids me things or makes me feel that way, whether it's about music, food, drugs, or using my laptop/YouTube. She gets anxious when I'm alone, fearing I might do something "bad." She doesn't want to take the pill or get an IUD, which means there's always the risk of an unplanned pregnancy. But thinks me getting a vasectomy is a good idea. She constantly brings up past mistakes I've made. She smokes weed all the time and it costs a lot of money. I see a lack of self-discipline in her, which makes me doubt if we can build a better future together. She views my masturbation as something that involves her, while for me, it's personal and has nothing to do with her. For her it is the same as cheating. Similarly, she sees me eating sweets when she was not around as lying and betraying her (as I didn't eat sweets around her before and sugar is the devil haha). She then constantly holds it against me, as if it were true. Again, for me, it has nothing to do with her. I sometimes feel like I need to be perfect for her. She wants to know everything, but then sometimes can't handle what I tell her. I feel like she knows everything about me and then uses that knowledge against me. I've also developed a sex addiction, and I only feel loved when I feel her closeness and intimacy. I'm torn and don't know if this relationship has a future. I'm wondering if these problems are just too big, or if there are ways we can work through them. I feel like these points that I listed also reveal something about me, which is why I post them here. Themes that I have identified myself are: Perfectionism: Wanting to be perfect so that the other person likes me Abandonment as child: Not being able to break up, even though the list is damning Shame: I often feel shame in this relationship, which is the thought "I am bad/unlovable/flawed/worthless, because xyz" Focus on a single person: As a child and teenager I only used to have a single friend with whom I would do everything. I have again become hyper focused on a single person and when that person leaves my world crumbles as my identity is interwoven so deeply with her. Gratitude I think for me the relationship has taught me a lot about being open about my emotions, sharing my feelings. Enmeshment and boundaries being crossed and not enforced by me. I have seen a new freer open way of living. I feel like this relationship was mainly for learning and not one that was meant to last forever.

My spiritual healer who has helped me quite a lot to clear out old baggage that I have been holding onto, especially inner child related things believes that during a trip any entity could possibly enter me as I am energetically completely open. I am not too sure what to make of this tbh and really would like to do some more 5-MeO-DMT trips. On the other hand I don't know if they will greatly help me either. I also follow Jan Essmann and have received Shaktipat from him to awaken my Kundalini. He as well has strongly advised against taking strong psychedelics as it makes the energy channels (Nadis) rigid. Basically everyone is telling me to not do it...

We are still together. I have started getting lots of suicidal thoughts with actual attempts. We are so closely connected that she can feel when I have masturbated or think of her. I am being slowly eroded. Today I masturbated to the thought of raping my own dead body, after having abstained of masturbation and sex for a month.