ValiantSalvatore

Maybe it is somehow valid https://www.sdtest.ru/en/result.php?res=8455 and that is why wilber says take a test online yet I sometimes doubt that everyone is so highly developed. And that people want to make money of it as long as there is not an institute behind it I can imagine that it is somehow valueable or useful to take an online test Here would be my results: Red %6 Blue 13% Orange 13% Green 20% Yellow 33% Turquoise 13% Although it feels that either green is sometimes very strong in me or yellow it is difficult for me to say that I am yellow since I do know many people who could be yellow besides 2-3 people that I know. One studies a.i the other one political sciencies/sociology and one is some random fker from my uni lol. So, I am looking forward to the mega threads of examples of the other stages.

@Zega I took this test I don't think it is valid I choose things that I do not fully embody. Some personal examples of green / yellow or turquoise value emobdiment would be cool. When I read about it I feel quite integral and since I tried psychedelics I feel that I sometimes access turquoise "consciousness" where everything just makes sense without me trying to think in a systematic way or seeing the interplay of interactions and needing to conceptualize them in order to understand that everything is a integrated network. It just automatically makes sense why certain things happen and it is a deep "intuitive" knowledge you just know without needing to think. Some one else on the forum posted this link and I found sometime ago research about this WUSCT since I was tired of hearing wilber talking about research and I did not find it . This test is scientifically valid ? As far from what I have read and I read through the papers, also that iq.. is correlated with higher levels of ego development and the WUSCT is based on Jane Loveingers Ego Development Theory. It was a 0.4 correlation with verbal intelligence and overall iq one of the two aspects had a higher correlation, I don't remember which one anyway. Here is most likely the best test for ego development for 1k . http://cook-greuter.com/SCTi-MAPForm.htm

As far as I know you grow through them you do not skip them but most likely your growth will be accelerated by yellow/turquoise parents yet your enviroment will most likely also have a huge impact. Also, you have a stage where your "development" gravitates towards meaning that you will act out this stage most of the time, yet you can also use other stages or fall back into that behaviour for sometime. Your center never changes apparently. You will certainly develop blue thinking otherwise it would be not possible to act efficiently in a group and see yourself as part of a group / identifiy with it. Yellow parents would be n1 since they can see that as a partial truth, yet green or orange parents will clash to some degree most likely. Since, they want their child to develop to their way of thinking and might not understand that the child is going through a blue/orange/red phase or developmental level. The best example is when you have blue parents and you are orange and you can see their perspective or view on reality in terms of family clashes with your drive of freedom, autonomey and sucess. To strive within the system and be sucessful scientist or have a successful career a great job which earns a lot of money or to be academically successful.

@SuperLuigi As far as I remember depending on how old you are you can move up stages quite fast with meditation, in case you are in university and are under 25 you have good chances to move up one stage every two years when people meditate for one hour a day otherwise it takes 5 years in case you are older then 25. Wilber said in one of his audiobooks, that people do not grow anymore in these stages after they turn 25 naturally. Yet, when they turn 50 or are somewhere around 50ish years old. Then they start growing again naturally. Also, shadow work can help when people move up stages and there can be parts that are not fully integrated from previous stages or are some sort of residuals from the old stage, which can be called shadow elements. So, integrating anything that triggers you with any sort of shadow work ( I only tired one technique, which works for me) can help you to include behaviours, perceptions and emotions quite well, in a healthy way. IMO Take this "advice" with a grain of salt, I am not sure how Ken Wilbers Map and Spiral Dynamics are related or if they are the same. He references it in his audiobooks, yet by reading their descriptions they seem similar. Also, weightlifting is good for growing in these stages, so you could be growing quite fast. Still, meditation is most likely the pivotal point for growth. I can recommend the audiobooks Cosmic Consciousness for a big picture of Ken Wilbers work or for a more pratical approach ( still I do not like this audiobook ) Integral Meditation. I also enjoyed Integral Transformation, yet he mostly talks about shadow there. (All audiobooks are from Ken Wilber Also, people are not on one stage solely, they move through all the stages where they are at. Yet, people have a center of development where they gravitate towards, so you could be tapping into red on a few occasions. I notice it when I do sports or when people use their power or authority over others. Note: I am biased by only consuming things from one author, I did some free only test (which where only available in german for what ever reason) about spirial dynamics. By reading the descriptions on their site by hearing youtube video and audiobooks from Wilber the descriptions about the stages seem to be the same.

Hello, I wanted to share and talk about psychedelic experiences. I tested a couple of psychedelics now Al-LAD, ETH-LAD, 1P-LSD, and ALD-52. So, last week Thursday I tried 200mcg of 1P-LSD and topped it up with 100mcg later during the trip. So, I what I did before with the other substances before taking them is that I meditate 1h like I do regularly, and then after I do a 20min intentional meditation sit, about what the psychedelics experience should be about, or what the content of the psychedelic experience revolves around. Ideally, also 20min of journaling after the meditation sessions (almost like in Leo's video about ALD-52). What I did with each separate trip, is to compare if whether or not, it makes a difference if I take them normally without any meditation (just the regular one or even without meditation), or if the content of the psychedelic experience changes, when I meditate and send/make intentions. In general what I feel and think about the setup/preparation is that the setup does matter, yet more on physical health, mental and one's emotional state. At the same time( meditation boosts that quite good and substances do not matter as much as I thought), I feel that even a horrible setup which can cause a bad trip feels so cleansing in the end. Even when I can't recap what I processed at the end, or why I feel that something inside of me is now free or sort of has been set free and I can now let go and embrace in a sense. Yet, also that there is a lot of pain and hate, also vanity inside me. I can see that I am lacking self-reflection at the moment, otherwise I would be able to process more of the "shadow components" about myself, that have been revealed through psychedelics and shadow work. Now back to Thursday, where I tried 300mcg of 1P-LSD. I took them this time without meditating or doing anything related to a preparation beforehand. What I did is basically just the regular stuff that I do, when I am being me. So, I just play video games listen to some nice music, turn on a video on youtube that I like and relax. I did not have obviously any mind breaking insights or changes in awareness, yet at the end, I did have some insights. Which was quite surprising more or less. When I had the insights, I was lying in the bedroom of my mom petting my cat...(all jokes aside) and started to think about going to bed and to meditate before. As I was stroking my cat I was startled, that he was purring to the rhythm of my breathing. Now, when I think back I always adjusted my breathing to my cat to build some sort of intimacy or connection or just to show the cat that I am not harmful lol. What happened next is, that I decided to meditate for 15 min and go to bed since it was quite late. I started the timer and sat down near on the brink of my bed and started to meditate. As I was meditating I sort of felt and noticed that my cat was purring sort of distorted and not rhythmically. Then as my thoughts became more quite my cat also was quieter. It felt like he is some sort of consciousness vibrator purring to the rhythm of its environment or to brain waves, or any sort of frequency that is humming through an area. Then suddenly, I just became quite, of course there where thoughts but my whole environment went quite I could feel nothingness or consciousness being there in the whole environment, my outer body ( not inner maybe slightly) went quiet, and my cat also suddenly in that (ffing) moment quite. I was shocked and the experience lasted maybe 5 - 30 seconds or 1 or 2 minutes. I can't really tell I find it difficult to track time when I am meditating, especially noticing short periods of time. After meditating I immediately cuddled into my bed with my cat cuddling up right towards my chest. I was irritated and just could not sleep, not because of the "silence experience", I just could not feel asleep. So, my mind was radiating and talking and thinking and talking. I noticed that the more I became uneasy my cat also became uneasy, and I was just wondering in general what a cat can sense with her body. Yet, it was so depending on what I thought. That I started to think about why did Egyptians worship cats did they do anything related to consciousness "work" or meditation or something that has to do with increasing awareness and noticed that a cat can be a useful tool to increase awareness? Then I thought what did all of our ancestors do that were sort of spiritually inclined with animals? Do animals have consciousness, when they have it can they use it? Are they just it? And are "trapped" inside a body that leaves them with limited choices? Would animals or certain animals notice and adjust to you when you have the goal to increase your consciousness and be a sort of guide or would I just project that on to them and I would perceive it that way? Since they are consciousness they are in some ways always a guide? Then I thought about a quote from Eckhart Tolle "I have lived with several Zen masters" - All of them are cats. And how my cat often deceives me just to get what he wants in the end, some food or attention or whatever he sometimes "thinks" and how a Zen master can trick you into growth ( did not meet one yet in person). Also, before I meditated I had to cry I just felt so bad and connected to my cat as stupid as it may sound it felt like he wants to live a human life what do I know? When consciousness perceives well, than can he see what we are doing and get insights even if he can't comprehend things like a human? I dont know it just hit me. In general with all the substances I tried, I feel that I WANT and also DESIRE to read more books. It feels very good to think about content that you have acquired ( not sure how to phrase it yet thats how it feels like.. yes yes feel feel ) and to just expand with it and connect ideas and concepts with each other or see where they are similar to gain new "insights". Also, since I consumed a couple of audiobooks and talks of Ken Wilber that I can see the stages of "moral" development or overall development in myself and other people. I pretty much got all of the ethnocentrism out of me and materialism is still less decently prevalent and that I am more integral to a degree then I thought I am. Yet, I am still very much green although integral is making its progress faster and faster. Especially, when I work out and I am at the university I feel integral is quite strong, since there is no other way, I can get along with peers who act on different stages and funnily more or less they also gather around their stage ( Yes, this sounds slightly condescending to some, yet this is NOT MY INTENTION!!! even if it feels sometimes like this I just get annoyed with people..). Also, I noticed more how people project their own insecurities upon me since I am quite sensitive and listen to people a lot and they just let loose and tell me all of their personal stuff. I enjoy it, yet it is difficult to not be a target of projection or that you target other people with your own projection since this is so subtle it is insane, anger, drama, hate, blame. Can all fire back on to you even if you did not really participate. Yet, it is just difficult to handle other peoples emotions when they project things on to you, since one can't tell if it is one's own emotion or the emotions of the other person, which is being projected upon you. Besides the projection and stages part, I noticed more shadow material in me. Also, that green people tend to be quite narcissistic in a subtle and vain manner and that orange people care so much about accomplishment, intelligence, money, status even in video games instead of raw skill for instance and that anything that has not been accomplished through some sort of efficiency and individual accomplishment. Is not worth the discussion. So, they feel better than others based on external factors . That is what I observed as a shadow part of these two stages and these parts are not incorporated correctly. IMO. Could also be just lack of awareness? (The shadow self and awareness are completely different, they are not correlated that's what I know from books though). Also, I feel more sensitive to my environment, open and do have more satisfaction with my life overall. So, I am very glad I tried and will continue to do so for some time, ideally with more focus on just experiencing the psychedelic experience, so I will walk around more or not be engaged in any sort of activity that distracts me too much. I am sometimes unsure if I am growing or not because first of all, you can't talk with everybody about this and even then it is difficult to get a feedback on what you perceive in terms of its accuracy. Since most people do not share the same framework to work with. And sometimes I am not sure if I am just deluding myself or that I am not making progress in someway since I don't reap any extrinsic rewards. Feel free to share thanks for reading!

What do you think about open relationships? Or has someone experience with them? I just can compare and contrast, with bonobo "societies" and chimp "societies" since I have not been in one or know people who have been in an open relationship. Where the former is dominated by females and the latter by males. In the society where females dominate, the male bonobos have more sex and women too, they are also homosexual, so both females and males mate with each other ( although males not till the ejaculation ). Whereby the chimpanzees have less sex, yet they are dominated by males and there are a lot of schemes and intrigues against the current alpha male in the group, so chimpanzees team up together to take down the alpha male, if they do not get enough resources like sex and food or are sort of oppressed when one male is to dominate and just does what he wants. How do you think these societies compare to open relationships, open relationships seem to be neither dominated by both sexes, so I am quite curious how an open relationship plays out since they seem kind of bonobo-like lol. Also, how are open relationships in general and what do you think about them? .

@HII Looking forward! @Serotoninluv I can see the point of putting people into compartments and to be aware of that, and that the threat of taking something away from another person is reduced or completely eliminated depending on the person. Also, it is quite interesting to hear that the fantasizing about intimacy with someone else can create a barrier, between the people involved in the relationship. @Shin I agree that it depends a lot on a persons psyche and energy management I went out with two friends (both female) of mine and we went touring through the city (Paris) starting early in the morning and we had plans to go out late in the evening to a restaurant, I can't remember if we had a break between and went back to the apartment or we just stayed in the city the whole day and went out in the evening to the restaurant. We are all introverted, so I told them at the beginning the we are not likely going to have the energy to do this. They also wanted to do something afterwards and I was leaving the city. We went to the restaurant during evening time and surprisingly, since I never went out with two girls alone, the waiters where very happy to serve us in the end, since I made my two friends laugh the whole time or a good amount of the time when we went out to eat, although the waiters where skeptical of me since I was quite drained and tired after that long day, so I was quiet at the beginning. Also, the city was quite progressive so there was not a lot of judgement " in the air", and everyone of us was just nice to the waiters and considerate, that was also the first time I considered an open relationship. Not to sound like a prick because I was out with two girls, the setup can variate! ( I am thinking about how an open relationship plays out) So, we had a good time although it was odd sometimes and I felt challenged "entertaining" two young women, but I enjoyed the challenge lol. (Trying not to apply to concept of gender seems impossible for me atm) Also, I think introverts would have the advantage of not being as jealous of each other as long as everyone is introverted or has a tendency to act introverted, because alone time would be respected also hobbies and interests would have to be not as similar, also deep conversations would be more valued, so the negotiating part of the relationship would be good. Difficulties could be that they would look awkward in social gatherings at least at the beginning and that one person could isolate him/herself/other pronoun (dunno which one to use) and that the different kind of depth of connections could vary, so jealousy or envy could become a problem again. Extroverted people could do a lot together so, their lifestyles or activities dictate the relationship a lot depending on how outgoing they are. I guess the relationship could end out to just be a group which does a lot of activities together and enjoy having a good time and also sex. I could imagine the depth of the relationship could fall flat and that they become to used to each other or that they have more fun with another person and kick someone out like in the video of@Martin123 lol and to not give another person the chance to go deeper and share. Also, getting to used to each other could become a problem for introverts they could be annoyed of each other with a lot of passive-aggressiveness, yet these are all just considerations for how an "open relationship" would look like without the focus to a "spiritual beneficial open relationship" where the focus would not be to fulfill sexual desires / emotional needs and the relationship would be used to increase ones level of consciousness or let's say since I never had an experience of what "pure consciousness" is like, to aid each others spiritual practice and to burn through emotional dependencies/ needs/ with ones spiritual practice and to learn from different traditions. It would be like having a team that is specializing in different fields using their knowledge to build something great, or a team of researches sampling different traditions/ways to find out which one works for them or could work for someone else and to find that "niche" of the most beneficial practice a person could have and then use it to learn from each other and implement parts from different traditions the other person specializes in, so you would have "several masters" from different traditions working together to find flaws in each others practice and have deep discussions about this stuff on an intimate level, since they would spend a lot of time together, dunno if this is good or progressive in any sense. It does sound to me IMO! Most people say that spending time alone in a cave is the most beneficial thing to do ( over generalizing here) to further aid ones practice/ reach new stages/depth. Yet, at the same time masters say that the communication between masters from different traditions is not happening or just sparingly. So, an open relationship with all people having a spiritually centered lifestyle could be a new thing, when the participants are also taking this seriously, the relationship and the spiritual practice. Maybe it would also help with the problem that in some monasteries where there is sexual misconduct. Yet, it could also turn out bad into a spiritual harem where people are just easily abused. I am stopping here I was just thinking about an ideal. Conceptualizing to much most likely, although I like the idea, still a monogamous or even no relationship at all is fine. @aurum Guess that is what it comes down to. I never talked about open relationships with other people besides here now, I will talk about it with my friends though to see their reaction. @Martin123 Very funny xD. Yet, this is where I think development comes into play they seem very modernistic of course this is just an over dramatization, yet it would not be over dramatized if there was not a seed of truth in it. The people look very modernistic and superficial also their behavior, yes obviously it is a joke. I still perceive a seed of truth in their satirical display. So, I am wondering how people on a post-modern or integral etc level would handle such a relationship or even engage in one, most likely there won't be the necessity, to do it or the tendency to want to do it as I can imagine it on a post modern level. Dunno if comes down to that most likely to ones level of consciousness. So I just leave it there.

@Elisabeth Thx a lot ! I will look into that

@Elisabeth I read through the Wikipedia article about Polyamory and saw that there are different terms on how one defines an open relationships, and the concepts are quite interwoven so, it can be difficult to separate them. So, I did not want to go into details, since I do not know about them (yet) and also, I can see that these details are important when you are in such a type of relationship or want to discuss it... Same goes for monogamy and sexual preferences. The map you sent is great lol and quite sarcastic. (Btw, I just wanted to share my idea and see what other people think.) Would love to combine both since one approach seems to be dogmatic and I am reading that it is quite common for people in the monastery to break the rules, they have about sex. Yet, this is very nuanced since people have different opinions on what actually happened, for instance a teacher groping a student as some sort of abuse of the status as teacher or because of the actual attraction the event occurred. I also find the "scientific" approach interesting where certain cultures lived in polyamory or let's just say they lived and exchanged partners, sex and cared for each other ( hunter and gatherer cultures), So, it did work in the past and it already has been questioned that there are certain aspects where one derives his sexual attraction/identity from, so biology, culture/ society have a giant impact. On what one finds attractive. As far as I remember variety and novelty is what "biologically" interests women the most besides from culture and societal impacts, I don't remember men. Also, I can imagine since I did not read about it that certain traditions turn into "harems", although I remember Sam Harris talking about the guru cult in his book "waking up" that some gurus claim enlightenment of some sort and abuse it for pleasure, money etc. The ordinary bullshit ? Also, I can imagine combining both aspects can also be dogmatic the ascetic and the tantric approach, I would like to try it and see for myself what happens. It will just get very confusing since many people do not combine these two ways (tantric and astetic) , so you could not compare and contrast, where one went off course inside ones own "tradition" or ideal. Still, it seems less dogmatic IMO or the complete opposite totally dogmatic, yet it is quite difficult to share with other people that lifestyle. Sometimes I also think personality and genetics play a role where people are attracted to certain ways of living based on their personality and biology. So.. different things work for different people and everyone thinks somewhere they are right. I am curious if someone has been in an "open relationship" or polyamory here in this forum and has combined his spiritual practices from different traditions, so one could learn from each other or implement a small part of a tradition or exercise to benefit the relationship/community/behavior of one self. Also with the bonobo and chimpanzee information I wrote at the beginning of the post, I was curious how "dominance" plays out in an open relationship or polyamory etc. Where it is not as clear as in the typical monogamous relationship, where the male tends to be dominant and women more submissive, in the "typical conservative" relationships. They other way can also be possible and you do see that nowadays. I am curious about when one integrates both female and male aspects of oneself, how equal a relationship can be especially with biological components having an impact. Dunno if this is relate able, since I can't explain yet, in detail what female and male aspects are. Only vaguely and -> male (freedom,independence,autonomy?) female (compassion,love,sharing and caring) yes also a men or women have all these qualities and they occur on different stages of development referring to Ken Wilber here (pdf attached). Overview of Developmental Levels.pdf

@ajasatyaTo share intimacy, love and a deep connection and broadening that with a few chosen people intensely, so these qualities could be transferred to other people, like a skill that you develop, that how I imagine an ideal " open relationships" does look like. It should not make the people in the relationship special and of course, love, intimacy, and affectionateness is shared with other people. So, that all of your relationships are open, yet that you have a few training partners for developing qualities like affectionateness, learning to have a deep connection with people or with multiple people, sharing, and understanding perspectives and "love" and trust. It is similar to a monogamous relationship, where you would want to share and cultivate those qualities, yet you just choose it to do it with more people that you enjoy being with. And of course, you would also burn through a lot of pain and emotional upheavals/stress in the process. Also, if you are all these qualities already. Then one could simply choose to share or not share them making the question of open relationships unnecessary and also of monogamous relationships. I do understand that the notion of love that society has, has been imprinted by society. So, I do not know what real love is yet, yet cultivating mindfulness and doing meditation and listening to different teachers gives me some insights on how it could look like and it has occurred in most peoples lives as a child or adult etc, even if only sporadically. Even if they did not notice that, because they have nothing to compare this experience too and recognize this is true love and not the attachment and making someone special society/parents/peers have told them.

So, I was just curious also for this for a more or less long time, since I started "self-actualizing" 2-3 years ago. How is it possible to stop being influenced by authorities, rank or hierachies? I always felt since I am a "miniority" in a sense because I am half afro-american and half white ( however political correct these words are in the eng language ) and even though there are a lot of people in my region that have a similar background, I always felt different or people treated me slightly different based, on the concept that they had about me. The concept already was different simply because I look different and I bet a lot of people can relate even when it is just that their nose is bigger or just some other physical alteration. Even though I am half american I did not grew up learning the eng language I have two very very good friends who are also half ( phlilipinese and croatian ) they both also did not learn their other "native" language. It is kind of funny to see or to observe how ethnocentcrism kicks in when people try to claim you as on of them, oh you are black, you are asian, you are german , you are croatian and impose their concept of how one should behave onto you. Of course culutural differences are fun , yet not when they are regarded as truth, which can be difficult to distinguish what is wrong and right when two cultures are quite similar, yet different in small aspects. Anyway the point that I am trying to make besides noting that race or identity is a social construct. Is how can one be free of the influences of being put into a certain box, rank or hierachie ? I tried psychedelics (AL-Lad and 1P-LSD) and could see how on different levels of consciousness, I just functioned and thought completely differently, I could see how other people define their concept of themselves and have enough empathy to intuitiveley go through their thought process in that moment, to realize or rather recognize how they create a concept of themselves and I could even see that my friend also tried to figure out what I was thinking ( he is into mindgames...), yet he could not grasp what I am thinking, so how ever odd or condescending this may sound, I felt like I need to lower my "stage" refering to Ken wilber here.. to let him have insight into my thought process so he could trust me, so we are not playing mind games and just enjoy the moment. I also remember a story from an audiobook from Alan Watts which explained that, when you are tired of competing in the "game of life" ( keeping up with the jonses, materialism, social reputations, maybe dominance hierachy ?? ) you become interested in Zen, and if I remember correctly he pointed out that this game never ends, yet that you learn to go with the flow of being involved in a game that you can't quit and can't win. You would be part of the game simply because you enjoy it or simply to be part of it ? So... noting that you would be part of the game simply to enjoy it. I watched an interview of Shinzen Young with some guy who I thought was awesome, yet I can't remember the name.. called buddah at the gas pump, there are two episodes you can watch them on youtube. I watch this after taking psychedelics (1P-LSD) so I was in the "afterglow" or "offset" stage, I perceived let's say for convenience sake a natural flow of hierachy based on actual manifastations of certain aspects of ones physicality/personaility/mentaility? ( I can't take me serious writing this xDD )So, let's say a person is more empathic, has better people skills, is cognitvely better equipped, or has some other skill, trait, quality, aspect that makes him different from another person and therefore lies in the possibility to be better in that aspect or even domain of life and that is what I observed pretty much imo when I watched the video and the two of them talking, yet it is and was very different from normal conversations or normal occurences of differences in skill in a "mundane" situation. It somehow shocked me that both of them seemed not to be free of rank, hierachie, status etc. yet Shinzen seemed free of status and the general topics in these conversations where fking mind blowing and very very deep. It was scary and very uplifting at the same time. I definitely can't tell if a meditation master is free of something that I am entagled in and this statement already implies rank. (IDK if the strange loop topic covers this completely topic already completely, yet be Leo removing rank for instance from this forum it is insane how much we are influenced by rank , status etc. yes it has use, but can you be free and have it 's use ?) So, I was just wondering if it is possible to be completely free of hierachy, rank, status in a pretty quick way. Since it does bother me a lot. The other guy in the conversation was a TM teacher for 25 years and he seemed very very free of rank, status etc, yet you could see for instance that he felt bad when he could not express something or understand something, that he either knew he could understand if he had the ability or felt inferior ( observing body language), btw I also felt disgusted by myself to cold heartedly analyse people as they where some sort of animal or insect . That hit me quite hard.. I could try to get more out of my memory, yet it would take to long. I had many insights watching this video one thing that "bothered" me was that somehow it seemed that Shinzen was pissed because he knew somehow, somewhere that his techniques work or rather that some techniques are not that efficent and they should follow his or some others that are "legit". The other person was in TM movement for a very long time and said that 95% of the people he knows quitted TM. I am not sure if I am making this topic to deep or if that even makes sense to some people. I am reading more about the "rational" or scientifically more or less valid statments of how dominance hierachies and hierachies in general occur, yet I would just dabble around in this subjects, since I feel I do not know enough yet. So, here are just my observations and contemplations of the topic rank in a nutshell over the course of my live.

@Joseph Maynor I like the explanation although I "believe" that most of that I noticed somehow subconsciously even if that is even possible I don't know. I tried this technique It is similar to what she explains at the end. Where she says that sound appears in the back of one's head, this goes a little further. I am still new to the technique so, I can't notice the field where thoughts and vision do arise that good yet, but it does seem to occur in these areas. IMO @SOUL Thanks, I see this now more clearly!

@ajasatya I read your 21 days before enlightenment journal and I am quite curious now. Why do you think open relationships are for lazy and undisciplined people would it not be possible to master or to get a hold of one's sexual energy or unstable sexual urges, so that you could live in an open relationship that is stable. So, there are clear rules and boundaries that all participants accept and follow? Or they all have some sort of training or are training together? @Shin I am always wondering why monks decide to stay in a monastery or live in celibacy, sometimes I can comprehend that there is nothing special about sex and that it is just done mostly for pleasure in our society, then I wonder why people do tantra yoga ( just googled a bit about it ) or perhaps some other disciplines. I did not try it yet. So, I don't know. Would it not be possible to share that with multiple people or is there a holding capacity for sexual energy? I can certainly understand the no control and let's just f* around part lol.

@Joseph Maynor Okay, thanks for the feedback, this sounds very good. I can see in a sense how culture intervenes with rank, hierachies, authorities. I can see the culture, but I have no clue what reality is lol. I will keep out an eye for that and learn more from books in time. Alright, I am just wondering now, even if the need disapears do these primal instinctual patterns still happen ? Even when you realize that you are not different from everybody else etc(are enlightend), are parts of your brain still active and regulating these primal instincutal patterns or do you just function on a different "level", meaning that different brain regions are interacting more marginalizing/ostracizing the more instinctual parts or older more primal parts of ones brain ? I don't know how legit this question is since there are studies that show brain changes through meditation, yet I don't know what parts of the brain and how it changes and how far one could go even if science can't prove / detect some potential changes ?

@DocHoliday I wanted to mention many aspects that include hierachies,rank, status etc. Like Ken Wilbers' Integral Map, Spiral Dynamics and psychedelics, dominance hierachies and or simply everyday life with my example of race, which also could include as you said economy, education, politics etc. I was hoping that any of these observations or insights have some truths or could trigger some insights for others. I was not sure where I was going with this. Yet, I wanted to question if there is a way to become completely free of rank, status etc. Or if even someone is free here on this forum or interacts with people who are free, so they could see the potential of becoming free of rank, status etc and eloborate on that. I don't know if it is possible but when I look at people who are enlightend it is so different from the usual state of consciousness, especially after taking psychedelics. Yes, I noticed that one could become more free of the status game by stoping judgement inwhich meditation has helped me a lot. Yet, to which degree can you be free ? Are you still influenced by some aspects when you are enlightend ? I am still new to most of these subjects I have a good to decent overview - by listening to Shizen Youngs the Science of Enlightenment (1998 Edition), Ken Wilbers Kosmic Consciousness and a couple of books from Alan Watts and Eckhart Tolle. To how day to day life can look like when you keep working on let's say consciousness. Now I am reading about and hearing about the dominance hierachie, some part of our brain keeping track of where we are on the social ladder, how we compete for rank etc. And I can see clearly how we tend to behave like animals sometimes when we compete for rank(like bonobos and chimpanzes do), so is a meditation master an enlightend person or a certain stage of consciousness free of that?

@Soulbass Thx for the reply, I will keep that in mind. The idea with an excel file and delegating tasks is important. I can't tell how it is in the "real world", yet, it is difficult to meet up with students besides in the acutal class, since everyone has different priorities on what to do with their free time. Sparse meetings are a good thing, it was difficult though for this project. I think I learned a lot in the end, especially the pratical implications, yet what is more difficult imo is dealing with people with different aspects or just different personality traits and levels of "development" refering to either spiral dynamics or the integral map, in case you are familiar and could elaborate on the difference that can occur that would be awesome!. I still do not understand these maps 100%, yet they help to navigate and understand problems between individuals and groups (also in groups), value conflicts for instance or just differences in perspective. Our professor even talked about the critical path line .. in marketing management, I messed up as a "leader" in this group project now matriarchy went loose lol. That was definitely an eye opener and I want to learn and read more about these subjects. I will definitely try out the cpm/cpl and see , delegate tasks and setting deadlines was important we did not that and went way to "laissez faire" into the project.

Hello, I am currently working with two people from my university for a group project. Which involves creating and editing a video project to a certain topic, which in this case colors. I rarely have problems working in groups and getting a long with people especially almost never, also I never thought about that group dynamics exist. Which one of our professor who likes to talk more about things that seem quite abstract to everyday life, yet are quite important rather than talking about the topic of the lesson lol. Explained, for instance, that you are only a group when you are more than 2 people otherwise it is a "dyad" and first, when you are three people, the group is considered a group. So, there are different roles, the only ones I remember and try to keep in mind while interacting beside being mindful and non-judging -> listening and observing without interpreting and seeking first to understand than to be understood. Let's say there is the leader, follower and the deputy head / second representative ( basically second leader) and the second leader has the task to play the devil's advocate. To challenge group consensus and to bring forth arguments that counteract/refute the ideas of other with reasonable/sensible arguments. That's what I remember from the professor he just mentioned it on the side. I never really had trouble in group projects or doing activities in a group, since I am always looking how to contribute and I played a lot of team sports when younger, so you are used when someone is not as good or just does mistakes and learns or is simply better or has higher expectations of his teammates and you have to tell him, to calm down and not to take things as seriously ( for instance in practice) . The same counts for video games when you play a video game which involves an assessable and manageable amount of people, you can see how easily people get "tilted" or start denying frustration or just do not care anymore and start "trolling" and giving up or are overcompetitive and start flaming and calling names, putting fault upon other peoples mistakes for losing a game, instead of oneself. I read the book "How to make friends and influence people" and try to abide by the principles listed there, for instance when you criticize someone else first name a mistake of your own or first call out something positive that you like about a specific thing let's say the color of a picture and then what you do not like about it, for instance, the way the picture was drawn or smth. like that. When I try to bring forth an argument or an idea which I think is good and I receive critique, I see how it fits into the bigger picture and if the critique does not add something valuable to the idea then it is perfectly fine to not implement it, yet to integrate both idea and critique would be ideal as long as it works out and adds value to the project (In the book it is explained how to do that, fundamentally you say yes and incorporate the critique into the idea). So, if been working now with people from different cultures in different cultures, which is maybe not as common, yet more common compared with earlier times. And yes people where frustrated with me at one point, since they compared me to people who where working there for some time and they had time to get used to the work and I felt bad when I did a mistake I ( quite naive lol ) reported it to the supervisor and asked for feedback if it was possible in that case. In case there is feedback to report back to me, people appreciated the effort, if not it was just annoying and you should just not do it again. There is also not much more a person can say in that situation or not ? Besides that, I never had trouble with people sometimes people set themselves up for instance when I worked in China my supervisor (a very nice girl/women / enter political correct stuff) was supposed to do something, which if I remember correctly I should do, yet could not do because I was the only one who had not such a harsh accent when talking eng and so I received a new task and had to call customers in the U.S, besides some stuff that I needed to do on a daily basis. Well, she wanted to blame me ( at least that's how it sounded since I did not speak Chinese only rudimentary and they tend to avoid confrontations since, the culture likes to be not as direct as Europeans or westerners, which is shocking for them sometimes, how direct we can be and how indirect and passive-aggressive people from the east can behave (notice can) ) and the boss was quite upset with her she cried at the end, yet came back with a smile a very genuine smile which was surprising to me. Admitting through her facial gesture that she made the mistake. IDK Why I am telling this now, lol, or remember this, yet it illustrates the point of how difficult communication etc. or working as a group can be. People have been quite passive-aggressive with me not calling me out on mistakes or just ignoring when there is something wrong and I do not even realize it, I just tend to live in my head a lot and I finish work quite quickly, so they want to put more work upon me. So, what do you do? You slow down to not work as crazy ( the office in China was just ridiculous they voluntarily stayed longer 1 - 2 h a couple of times a week and one guy had a 2-3h subway/bus ride homework started from 09:00 to 18:30 with 1h and 30min break) as some of them did, it was just to exhausting and people will pill up work upon you. The French intern did the same, so I did not feel that bad and we chatted a lot which a lot of people in the office did. (Average life in an office I guess) So, now in this group in the university people started to ignore ideas or suggestions from me (we are in total 3) and I did not leave a good impression since I felt quite down because of family-related manners and they kinda accepted it, since I explained to them what happened in my family what I did not intend to do as long as things where working out. Since I was postponing a deadline, overestimating how much effort it will take, since I was doing the raw fundament of the editing/script and when something is already done, the creative process is facilitated and you can just work with a good to decent template and make it better, yet creating the template etc. in the first place is also quite difficult. Why I am saying it like this is because I did an internship in a postproduction company and the "head of sound" had all the creative freedom and the other sound engineers had to the technical work mostly. So, people do not really value "the work in the background" and only highlight and praise the "creative part" which is mostly a bit easier and not as tedious. (They also organized the people we need to record the project with, yet I was not able to have an impact there since, nobody talked to me what they were going to do, and they live together so they can talk and organize things quite effectively, even when I live 2 min away.) Now it is similar and I am in quite a new situation since I was always the youngest, so I always did the work and followed and look to contribute and now I am the oldest in the group and just by observing the "group dynamic" it is difficult to tell who leads, and I am not used to it , yet I felt at one moment I was the leader because, they where scared of making decisions, I am working together with two girls, which is quite pleasent, yet at the same time difficult. They are quite young and you can just tell by communicating, they do not want to take blame and want to be right and project that onto me ( did a lot of shadow work on that and I just argue about the basic truth I perceive, so people interpret that as maybe arrogant or self-opinionated and maybe bossy), so when I make a suggestion which I always start as a "can you/we do this task etc or who wants to do this and this" (open questions and suggestions no commandos), they say "Yes, but" that is basically like a fuck you, since you do not consider the other's viewpoint, which I try to include of course not always 100% successfully. Also, they get worked up really fast and I have no clue what to do about that, if the situation is right I try to de-escalate it with humor. Yet, this group or one person in the group feels very toxic, and I had to contemplate if I am not the toxic one, now I am just confused. Since they both seem not to react to any suggestions and they do not really incorporate me and do not notice that the group dynamic has shifted from me being "the supervisor" to me being just another follower now and it feels like the other girls just does not want to do the work / wanting to be the supervisor, even though she could because she is quite competent, because she feels stupid that she does all the work. Yet, everyone feels the same in the group and nobody wanted to meet up before when I suggested it or someone else. To talk about the project which helps a lot to clarify ideas etc, we did it at the beginning now, everyone takes his time as "sooo important" even though they should have enough time I am also able to to take out time out of my schedule to meet up. Yet, at the end, it is regarded to meet up as somehow unnecessary since we can chat and type. Sure this is an experience and teaches me a lot, especially since I've been reading about the difference between man and women (biologically, culturally and also the conditioning culture has done to women, how these differences occurred and how the two different sexes operate and how they develop differently morally, so both have a different focus on emphasises in group work and in general relationships and values) Where can I find some good ressources online explaining stuff like this ?( watched Leo's video how to deal with toxic people and I also have the booklist, so I bought a book from there and read a bit not to much till now..) I only worked with 2 level-headed people and it was, so nice everyone had the freedom to pursue what someone wants in their free time, yet at the same time everyone was reliable and when a mistake was done, it was just corrected in the group and when someone was missing that was also okay, but I won't go into detail because we where 4 people during that semester and the dynamic was different and is different with 4 ppl especially meeting up. And me and the other level headed person did most of the correction. What are some good ways to learn how to deal with group projects? Which criteria are important for dealing with people in a group or to keep up a good atmosphere? How can I deal with people who are younger than me and tend to be quite emotional or disagreeing and argumentative? I surely stand my ground, yet at one point it is difficult to make people realize that they are stuck in their way of thinking and you have to make sure you are also not stuck. So, what are some good ways to gain perspective and to make sure you are not stuck in your way of thinking?

How the heck do I know? Assuming one knows that the ego is an illusion and to know it deeply not cognitively what do you think? To give an example there is a video from Eckhart Tolle assuming you know him if not you can look him up, he is definitely free of ego lol. Where he talks about taking acid and it had no effect on him.

Hello, I will keep the title short since I am not quite sure what I am going to write about. Currently, I am quite confused about which direction I am heading in life. I feel this is the right path and I can also see or contemplate why it is worth it. This is already confusing since I am thinking, that people think I have a concept of self-actualization which I do have. So, I am just trying to explain the current concept I have about self-actualization because I am not sure if the concept is let's say healthy and or even if I have a concept at all. So, first of all my notion of self-actualization would include Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs especially "being cognition" I downloaded the Audiobook. A psychology of being from Abraham Maslow. (Spoiler Alert twofold) Where he talks about "being cognition" and "deficit cognition". Leo also has a video about it which I have watched in the past. I like it how in the book he explains which situations in life occur that include or contain "being cognition" and yeah, obviously that you can experience them and he talks about recognizing these situations and that "deficit cognition" occurs in the first 5 stages. Because you depend on them you need a group of friends, shelter, sleep, sex, recognition, and respect, food, water, a creative outlet/fulling ones potential or dreams becoming a sound engineer a lawyer or a writer. Yet, being cognition does not depend on any of these, yet at the same time depends on the first previous 5 stages to be fulfilled. Being cognition includes doing things just for the sake of doing the thing itself. I love the analogy in this case from Allan Watts - Why do you want to learn another language to get a job? Or to tell people oh look I speak XXX languages? No, you do it because you enjoy talking to French people for example or to Spanish people, so you do it for the sake itself. This could also be considered intrinsic motivation so, here a different experience that I had. While I was listening to the Audiobook I always remembered how it was as a child riding a bike to a destined destination and simply enjoying riding the bike, there was no purpose, no arriving, just the pure experience till thought kicked in. The same while I was listening to the Audiobook from Abraham Maslow I was sitting on a metal bench in autumn, at a train station waiting for my next train to get back home from uni. As I was sitting there and listening to the Audiobook the sky was simply so beautiful and the light shining through the station ( it was open in the cold) had a very peculiar pattern which I had never seen before. I was so amazed by it, yet I simply took the moment as it is. It is similar to the state of flow for me, yet does not have this mellow drive to achieve something quality, which I would equate with the feeling of flow. To summarize my notion of self-actualization currently would entail for me to achieve complete satisfaction with "deficiency needs" and to turn my highest "deficiency need" let's say (not stating my goal here ) becoming a doctor and to help people become healthy again and to lead my team with compassion, to give my example a little bit more finesse. And to see my occupation or the activity that earns me a living ( to give a neutral concept) as a thing that I am doing for itself. So, let's keep the concept that I am having of self-actualization here like this. In the book he continues to talk about how to achieve that and that not many people ( 1 in 10000) do so, he goes on with that the concept is not very valid since there are not many people who checked the validity of the hierarchy of needs if I remember correctly and that a child needs safety to expand his zone of comfort and to test his courage to overcome obstacles and that he/she is not able to do it when certain safety precautions I am just going to say are not meet, this all depends on the development of the chilld / individual person/adult etc. Yet, take this information with a grain of salt it has been some time since I listened to the Audiobook and I only listened to it once or twice. Excuse me for telling personal stories all the time here, I want to explain my current viewpoint or perspective on "stuff". That's why I want to tell the story.I did an internship in London for 2 months during the summer semester break ( I am from Germany ) in a small company. During that time I started to get back to training since I had a knee surgery this year and was finally feeling fit enough to get fit again, I also went vegan since I wanted to try it out ,and while talking to a good friend of mine, and knowing that my aunt is also vegan, I was quite confident to test it out and went cold turkey ,and I am vegan still, since mid August now. It feels quite energizing to live like this and also I have more energy than usual, I felt that I could go out for a jog two times. I did not go to a doctor yet, to check if I am missing any vitamins or we and I keep procrastinating to do it bla bla. ( I do not even know if I can do this here in ger for free I should though) I had the opportunity to talk to a zen master (online during my stay in London) which I did, not very sure what to ask, so he lead the conversation he mostly talked about creating an infrastructure that helps to foster my meditation habit ( which I am doing now for 2 1/2 years missed 2-4 days) and that people at my age ( 23) are quite confused about life its direction and what is love, who am I , what role do I play in the world etc. I was not sure what to take from this, since I "knew" some of the stuff he talks about. Yet, what I really liked was that he talks about being young and old, that you have a lot of energy and time when you are young and that all of that contracts when you are old, yet happiness increases XXX times. I never thought about being old and not having the energy or let's state that differently. I am now way more aware that I am having tonnes of energy and a mass amount of time which I am most of the time-wasting still, and that I am aware now almost daily that things root (sorry for potentially offending the age group most likely not present on the forum) away, also my grandma is sick and we have someone in our house who cares for her, so I am seeing her condition now since two years or so. Still, not able to find a profound insight or the "great" motivation that propels me forward and to do something for my family. During my time in London, I hated and loved the city for various reasons. One theme that is currently still present in my life is feeling confined and I listened to David Deidas' book "The way of superior men" and he talks about female and masculine energy and that feeling confined and wanting to penetrate or to permeate "something" is a typical masculine energy theme. So, good I have the knowledge to a degree and now it is all about purpose. I did not even want to write this post, because it is somehow redundant, yet here I am stuck on the opportunity cost. I am going to fast forward this I am so done this is the fourth attempt now sitting here for two hours, somehow deleting my text randomly which just fits perfectly into the pattern I am stuck in right now. Ever since I came back from London to Germany, did a meditation retreat, was industrious in general doing homework reading, educating myself and trying out psychedelics for the first time same goes for the meditation retreat. I somehow end up self-destructing or sabotaging myself and my close friends do this too, especially for the last two years, there was so much good and bad. Yet, most of the bad part was somehow me sabotaging myself. Like currently I am sitting here writing a post on a forum where I know nobody personally, only since I feel and think, especially think that I am not able to relate to people anymore since I am soo deep which I do not even think. I just notice by my and their (comparing myself to the students here or rather keeping them in contrast since I do not actively compare as much) behavior with the background knowledge I accumulated over the past two years being to China for 6 months, reading books, progressing spiritually, getting my shit together, various internships one in London one in Germany, and do stuff for university, trying psychedelics, doing my first meditation retreat and did one consecutively this month and I have quite good marks or a grade. Yet, still, there is so much more potential that I have not used because I am wasting so much time doing petty things, playing video games, browsing on booptube , WhatsApp , not being able to create a bed routine since two years, because I hate routine and yes I watched the video going full circle and I listened to Alan Watts a billion times and he talks about this theme in a very funny way, that I really enjoy and love paradox now. Like this, I wrote this article or this paragraph 4 times not sure where I was heading and at the fourth time, I see that pattern that I want to talk about, sabotaging myself, since I had no clue wtf I am going to write about as the title already suggest. Yet, at the same time, I am just lost again. I really wanted to talk about my experience with psychedelics and the meditation retreat, yet my experience which I wrote down here being deleted 4 times and sitting here for almost two hours to write this post is just ludicrous. I am trying it again now, I did two meditation retreats over two separate weekends one in October and one now in December during November I tried psychedelics (AL-LAD ) so, I can imagine people understanding that I am confused. First, the meditation retreat in October was quite good since it grounded my practice and I was able to understand the practice better and to explore new themes. Trying AL-LAD in November was very very cool, I took 150 Microgram with the first trip and meditated one hour b4 also. journaling what the experience should be about and did a meditation intention sit for 20 min about what the trip should be about. The experience was not what I imagined it to be, I imagined having a breakthrough or insights, I did have some insights which I am most likely still subconsciously implementing by progressing with spiritual work keeping up with meditation and the second meditation retreat, following the AL-Lad experience a couple of weeks later. So, I did all that to make sure it was for spiritual purposes and not for or even for self-actualization purposes in terms of growing in spiritual dimension and not for a recreational purpose / one. In the end the experience ended up to be somehow both, a recreational one and a spiritual one which was, in the end, the best thing that could happen to a beginner IMO. ( I used to know some ppl who abused drugs). I was sitting there listening to music and had the idea ( as I said not going to repeat everything that got lost by hitting strg z and being a good hearted random clumsy fool which is a good description of my current state, about how much I informed myself about psychedelics) to talk play a video game with friends to make the onset pleasant and to not be suddenly zoned out and have a horror trip. Which I, later on, could contemplate in that state easily happening because you are so subtly influenced by everything it is freaking insane. Just changing music or the sounds of the video game and the emotions even in the video game was amazing how it altered my experience or I was just tripping lol. I felt at one moment since I did not want to talk to my friends during the trip, because I knew I was going to talk about it and it would fk me up in the end so I did not, while we were playing the video game. I just felt so much like my friend, I kinda wrote like him and just had a very very deep experience of what would it like to be him if he is in a very good mood and had a very pleasant empathic experience of me being him... So, as we chatted I could relate so much and he knew because I am generally a very empathic person or can be. (Infj) He is the polar opposite ESTP and I just had a blast experiencing what it would like to be him and playing the video game... as I said recreational and spiritual if you want to say it like that. Going further into the trip I stopped playing videos games, listening to music looked out the window, and watched a video from Leo, checking my visuals and all potential experiences one could have with this substance. Visuals where pretty much non-present, to non-existent as my second trip in that month revealed. So, going on to the second trip I took 300 Microgram, besides the empathic effect and feeling very present in the body, there was just nothing happening even with the spiritual preparation. I did not meditate directly before that, yet did my daily routine of meditating when I wake up after taking a shower and later that day took the substance sometime. This time I could feel my body even stronger and visual were present I checked it a couple of times, by looking at a poster in my room which has some ripples and these ripples were melting into each other and not, showing me how easily perception could be fooled. While looking at one of Leo's video I saw his head and arms having a sort of blurry train ( of a comet just googled that word) in his body movements in the video. That's that for visuals and they kept occurring, I looked out of the window and could see the stars and not see them because there was a big cloud and in reality I knew I should not be able to see them since the cloud was too dense, yet somehow I just perceived the stars to be there and not and I thought about the trip report of AL-LAD which I most likely watched later on, that the mind reflects on itself during that time and that this state I was in actuallly is similar to good meditation session ( as a beginner) yet, the not the same the experience just seemed differently altered. What I want to say is that I realized that the mind reflects on itself while looking at the clouded sky and seeing and not seeing stars, I realized that my mind is reflecting on itself and I thought about the phenomenon in psychology of projecting one's emotions, fears, problems or let's say issues onto other people and now today I am realizing more and more how I am and other people are doing it to me and others. It has just become so apparent, and I also just realize this so apparently as I am writing this post ( hope this sentence makes sense lol.) It is just sort of ubiquitous in my perception now not unconscious. Maybe subconsciously if there is a difference between the two concepts. The next thing that occurred during that trip and I also want to emphasize that I realize now how much more value I could get out of this if I would read more books about psychology and some more specific spiritual themes like non-duality or so, since I have a big picture understand of listening to Shinzen Youngs work , Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts, Jiddu Krishnamurti a little and a bit of Deepak Chopra. ( All Audiobooks) So.. to get back to topic as the next thing that occurred is, that I was padding ( not petting xD) my cat and I somehow thought about how nice he is not scratching me because he always lays his paw onto my lips or eyes and I sometimes pretend to eat his paw and he only pulls out his claws softly, to slightly "massage" me. I thought how conscious is this entity is there a scale? How can he recognize that he does not want to scratch me and does he realize that he is doing it? Then I thought how limited he is in his form and that is state of being is way clearer than mine, yet at the same time so reactive to outside forces and also in alignment with them. Yet, the thought that was still lingering in my mind was how limited he is as a form or entity, trapped in a body of a cat I am just going to say it like this. And this now has been present in my daily life contemplating how limited and fragile human beings are, especially on a mental and emotional level, even ranking them with Ken Wilbers integral map, which stage I am talking to and how to relate to them and yes I am categorizing people , yet not mistaken it for their true identity. So, I can't do more with this information since I did not dive deep enough into the topics integral dynamics I am just going to call it ( I am typing now for 3h ) and all the information around that, Spiral Dynamics, Kohlberg's theory of moral development, Piaget even more interesting for me now Jane lovinger I believe was her name and how women develop differently from men morally, and that they have been measured erroneously and hence scored lower. There is just so much to learn and so much that I do not know it is insane and what is annoying to me is that I am just not doing enough to reach this level of understanding and that I do not have a life purpose or that I have one yet, it is too weak. So, I wanted to buy the life purpose course next year and read more about systems thinking after finishing books about how to deal with people and reading more about the male and female difference, since they are related or at least in the books that I am reading the two seemingly different topics are related. This is a hell of a lot to read and anyone who went through this thank you just for reading and paying attention or trying to understand or even to reply, which I am not expecting to this post. I am wrapping this up by saying that this post helped me clarify somethings, which I was not able to clarify in my journal like the pattern of sabotaging being so present that I have to find a way out of it since I am not doing anything productive since 6 weeks relating to university and projects ( language learning + online courses) . Any sort of feedback is appreciated even if it just states stop bitching and do even more. I could write more yet, my head is so full of thoughts that I can't really come to a sensible conclusion or wrap up at the end. Hope this helps ? Here a picture of how I kinda felt or expected to feel while trying AL-LAD, this is my potato. Peace

@Joseph Maynor Watched it already at least 4 times even while tripping loved Leos' head so much. It is not like I am not putting in work, I am yet not able to deal as good as I want to with emotional labor so I keep bouncing back and forth a lot, yet I feel that I am gaining momentum again. Will watch Leos' new video was occupied with a project for uni and "my" emotions lol. (first thing I did since 6 weeks for uni.) Texting is a horrible way to communicate too much interpretation and so many things to tell. IMO

@Joseph Maynor That's cool I am interested too. Wanted to go to the Netherlands and try it there, yet I do not know much about Mushrooms yet, for instance, if there are some different chemicals that could produce a "psychedelic experience" in the shrooms beside Psylocibin. I watched a video from Jordan Peterson where he talks about a study conducted by some researcher who had a good reputation in the scientific community, the researcher tested Psylocibins' effect in regards to the personality test OCEAN and people rose in the trait openness by one standard deviation after taking the substance. Here is the video in case you are interested he explains it in more detail. I also saw your post about LSD and your trip report I skimmed over it and I will read it and if not I will read it when I try out 1P-LSD or LSD :D.

@Joseph Maynor I'll take it into consideration, I am just scared of the law. They prosecuted me once because I downloaded a video game over tor. So, .. yeah lol if I ever know someone in real life I would most likely try it.

@Joseph Maynor I wanted to try 1P-LSD and some other stuff, potentially that is legal in Germany. Why ? 1P-LSD is supposed to turn into LSD when it is inside your body and even has stronger effects and a milder onset if I remember correctly.

Hello, I read sometime ago about the discussion here about Elon Musk. That he should work on his consciousness first, was the conclusion. I scanned through the post again and the root cause seems to be his ego or rather how he adresses the things that he is doing. So, I don't know what exactly he is doing if he is developing AI for example or if that is another company (OpenSource was the name I believe), I know that he is responsible for Space X and wants people to get to mars. Also, for Tesla. So, I posted a question in that post which has not been answered, questioning if there are examples that can show people who are highly conscious and successful. (Besides any author of spiritual books ) I was pondering whether or not it is possible to find work places, that are conscious or that foster the development of consciousness. Of course "I know " intellectually from hearing audio books that any activity can be done consciously, yet I have to say that this is not my reality (maybe slightly to a degree). So, I was just curious to find out, if there are any career paths , where people working in that industry are conscious, or that the structure of the company / career / job enables you to work with conscious people. The more I think about it , the more I believe that it does not matter in the end, yet in the meantime I am not enlightened or overly conscious, so besides doing meditation and (soon) going to attend retreats, I wanted to ask which career paths besides creating your own company, are facilitating / fostering the growth of consciousness. Note: Yes, I don't know what consciousness is , I know that it can't grow since you are it. Yet, it can become more apparent in your life through meditation and other contemplative practices. At least that is what I have experienced till now, emperically through travelling combined with a formal meditation practice. (It shines through the ego or creates some room that you don't even notice). I had the opportunity to talk to a zen master and besides the practial advice that he gave me ( creating a structure that will support the endeavour of pursuing enlightenment / meditation since no one is going to do that for you / support you), he talked about how life will unfold and that he was even unhappy for many , many , many many years. ( Which is fking scary to me). The more I think about this post. I believe people will say pursure your life purpose / find it / buy the course etc. Which of course paired with consciousness work , would be the ideal path to take. So, since I don't know what my life purpose is, I am just curious which career paths are ideal to pursure both ones life purpose and also consciousness work. Or to be more specific, which career path ideally has the most conscious people or which company has the most conscious people in your opinion. "Most conscious" is used relative here, since I can't gauge consciousness only oberserve and try to guess whether someone is conscious or not and most of the time you just notice it spontaneously and often times doing that I notice that this is unconscious behaviour ( the evaluation part). I am currently doing an internship in a post-production company and even though the people are nice I don't think this enviroment holds great potential for growth in consciousness. Eventhough it is a nice niche to work in, as a sound engineer , online editor etc. (I am at the reception , so I have to do all the crappy stuff lol.)

@starsofclay Okay, I will definitely try it out when I get the opportunity. I like formal meditation too. I can relate what you mean to power thinking, your mind tends to get impulses from everywhere and insights just drop in , in my case I just often forgot them lol.