ValiantSalvatore

@Zigzag Idiot Okay, not sure what to expect, thank you for your answer!

@Zigzag Idiot Not sure what Martin Ball is about I watched parts of the video again these weird hand movements that he does which change the recorded brain patterns, he did this in one video where he talked about emobdying non-dual energy. I am on my phone you can type it non-dual energy martin ball if you are interested. The video is title embodying non-dual energy. Around 10min or so he starts these weird "yoga" movements. I don't know enough about DMT, NN-DMT etc. What happend spiritualy to you after the trip? Or do you just get used to the level of consciousnsss? Or how does meditation feel like now or in general? I pretty much feel I "need" to either meditate a lot deeper and improve my posture to go deeper with a 90 min sitting or use LSD to acceses stages of consciousnes, I feel that I am embodying the insights still since I keep seeing the same patterns. But nothing new and no breakthroughs.

The timer will block actualized.org in about 8 minutes. I wanted to check my routine again and it worked today. I did not put on flight mode and the Dr. from the web series has a couple of videos more that I watched one where he talks about the benefits of cold showers and that gave me an impetus to do it again which I did this morning. I am still used to it, yet I have to adjust slowly, I never went for deep cold exposure for more than a minute, it was often a 20-30 second exposure to cold, I could aim for one minute but 20-30 seconds is fine. It's like my body tells me ok this is the threshold and I feel great now I can continue with my day or I feel rejuvenated and refreshed. Also from the video series of the Dr. he explained that vitamin c is a precursor to Serotonin which is the feel happy, well-being chemical IIRC which is also produced by the sun. That is why most likely I found it so helpful to take iron and vitamin c supplements in the morning. I bought the strongest dose of iron supplements, yet this will mess up digestion I pooped very metal like and often diarrhea like, because of the strong iron supplement. 50mg IIRC what I have now! Works way better than 100mg or whatever thing mg/mcg/nanogram etc. Melatonin secretion stops at 7:30 am, so this is where I often also stop feeling sleepy if I have woken up about an hour or so earlier. Also, I want to get more into biohacking and foods, especially smoothies, yet my fridge is so small it is not worth it for "survival" because of the veggies I store in it. .... Note I want to write about the inner engineering course from sadguru that I am taking

@Zigzag Idiot To let you know I never tried DMT or anything in that range only different versions of LSD, 1P-LSD, ETH-LAD, PRO-LAD, AL-LAD, etc. I want to test DMT, but not sure when LSD is "safer" I wanted to do a higher dose this time and better preparations.

Today I wanted to do a review of the idea from the in general design also from gamification and the audiobook atomic habits with environmental design. THEREFORE I WILL CLEAN MY ROOM! The important thing here is I want to clean my room because I have difficulties waking up at 06:00 am in the morning my environment is not very clean if I imagine or recall living in a hotel room most often the only thing that kept me from waking up early was either the other person wanting to also sleep longer or at one point the chaos and not caring. Otherwise, when the environment is clean I feel it could be easier to wake up, but why? First of all, you want to maintain it till it is not possible anymore because of the effort made if you cleaned your room, that is what I notice when I make my bed in the morning! Ta-da! No, but seriously I want to find some new ways to be and become more organized to prepare for my masters and for life, relationships, family, etc. Even if people are nice and such behavior and action is what people rate you on and... integrity and character for the more advanced people or seemingly advanced wanting to maintain their position for survival. Like the person who I had to work in a group with, just an insensitive dick at one point but fine and he did not do his work. Today, was very unproductive I overslept again and went to my class I was very tired and somehow need a new strategy, I feel I am becoming more and more disciplined, yet I definitely want to plan and become hyper-effective also for my LP. Some ideas I have for being more organized for me: -> Have a file cabinet -> Have a small box for electric devices -> Arrange posters, pictures, etc. not in some "random" cool way, yet have some structure and take your time, also NO RANDOM POST IT Notes anymore -> Accept chaos !!!!! Nr.1 principle lol -> When moving out definitely buy a very good desktop pc and a curved screen Otherwise, I have a small box for my table where I can place the office "utensils" in. Which is fine but I definitely want to have a small "drawer" no idea how to describe below my desk and put some folders inside them or even buy a complete file cabinet, I bought one small folder where I can place notes inside, yet it is a tiny bit tedious since it has small stickers which I have to put into foil to have a headline for the section... Otherwise, what I know about "environmental design" or ergonomics is that high-ceilings are good for creative and open-minded thinking, my favorite study location has this so this is good. Otherwise, I will come up with some ideas of my own, since I will clean my whole room afterward and ideally wash my clothes if there is some space on the drying horse... Tomorrow is a holiday here, so I am also taking it a bit to easy I only studied for one hour today. I also failed my 7-day challenge from day one, so I will forget that and my 30-day challenge with cbt and visualization is now in week 2 with every day being a success. Otherwise, when I wake up I see my vision board with a clean room it potentially will look better and give me an incentive to wake up. Also, I want to have a set routine when I wake up. I struggle with this, yet even small things matter such as opening the shutters for sunlight to stream in. Sleep My current morning routine: (if successful) Wake up Turn of alarm Open Shutters Go the bathroom Play a youtube video Shower Brush teeth Take nootropics Meditate Eat breakfast. I got distracted while doing this online journal, I will definitely set timers for shorter entries, yet today will be planning and rescheduling + cleaning my room. Mini-summary: This video had some good tips on how to deal with the circadian rhythm most things I already knew from reading online articles. Now for the idea of environment design, I definitely want to get some red light bulbs. And go for morning walks, this will come in handy when working out also in the morning which I am not currently aiming at. This video series is awesome! Mini-summary: Grounding is great for reducing EMF There are grounding mats Turn of wifi Turn phone to flight mode Deactivate all Bluetooth devices Rewatch Mini-Summary: Lymphatic system is responsible to get rid of toxins inside the body (apparently via white blood cells etc), Growth hormones are activated at night. There is daily DNA damage. Definitely, watch this. (Note I have so many YouTube playlist it's better when I list it here). Also, I will keep my posts long, therefore, I actively have to recall what I want to be looking for and search via the search function. No idea yet what could be done better but anyway. New waking up routine Wake up Turn of Alarm Turn off flight mode Make bed Bathroom youtube video Shower (ideally cold) Go for an outside walk 5-10min MAX!!!! Nootropics Meditation Breakfast New going to bed routine (Visualization) Turn on flight mode (Turn on Audiobook) Sleep (Use meditation techniques to fall asleep while in bed) Now I will clean my room I definitely want to think more about "environmental design" I want to buy a flower again mine died...

@Zigzag Idiot Potentially it is like a virtual trip sitter I never thought about it that way lol. I only saw the interview with Leo and the 5-meo brain-machine testing and the weird video. So, also I am not very familiar with Martin Ball and his content .

@Zigzag Idiot I watched Leo's video on his blog about machine elves and listened to Terrence Mckeannas YouTube videos of Lizard Land, it sounded absurd when I heard it. I talked to one guy during a zen retreat who told me he was thrown into hyperspace when he took shrooms, he said he saw weird cosmic entities I am not sure how I am supposed to describe it because I can't recall it. Yet I have an image still. I'll keep the book in mind I wanted to buy one from Martin Ball after I saw one video where he did some freaky movement and no idea how he came up with that the video was quite funny.

Set a 10minute timer and will go to bed afterward and do my 30-day visualization and cbt challenge. I hurt my ankle a bit while working out and almost could not continue working out. I took to many weights and wanted to back squat 90kg in total, without counting the pole. I was able to do it with 6 repetitions and could have done more, but I have to stretch my Achilles tendons in advance to prevent injuries I found a good exercise for that while working out. Yet, all of this procrastination costs me the last study session where I wanted to study for the easy course in advance and take some notes from the script and set up a Q and A review of it, with already broken down concepts. But, it takes some time to do that. I took that "idea" from the Cornell note-taking method and accidentally, misunderstood and now I use my own version of it where I don't have to buy the small cards for learning vocabulary to do q and a or use Anki or some other app. It takes some time, but is very effective for more conceptual classes, since I am using both repeating it verbally, using my hand for writing and explaining the concept as simple as possible using questions to further evoke other questions with further "potentially" evoke other questions which help to build coherency IMO. The self-explaining helps with being creative since I don't always know what I am saying and therefore "come up with some shit" and find creative examples. Now I made some progress today in one course and I struggle with one for some time now. I found a good page and other tutorials, yet I am not sure what the Professor wants and I am still in the understanding and dabbling around the phase of the project. Tomorrow I have more classes and can't be as intense as today for studying. I also need to clean my room on the weekend and wash clothes, I also need a new system for clothes this is just annoying. Shinzen will be leading a retreat so there is no life practice program which is unfortunate, also the uni cat visited me today and I gave him some food he always cheers me up and is very trusting, but I left my door open and he slid out, I was not able to trap him in my room . Time is up for approx 2 min now.

@Zigzag Idiot lol now I feel compelled to test dmt lol. Glad it helped!

@CreamCat Not sure, I also dislike school for various reasons, they even implemented some changes apparently in France putting more focus on digitalization which apparently is wasted money according to studies also. I only meet two people so far who were diagnosed with ADHD. Most people don't even go to doctors for health check-ups. I only did it once, yet this is a good reminder to do it in July again. Not sure how it is in America. I skimmed the article, yet I can imagine that it is a problem there.

Now, I wanted to make another post here and thought I'd be finished faster but I got distracted by the forum... The blocker works great for that during the day and today was a good day definitely. Timer 10min: Short recap: I changed my approach to studying even if it is a small adjustment I tended to do 45min and 5 minute breaks and every second 45min break I took a 15-minute break. Resulting in 1h30 study 20 min break. Now, I will do 1h and 40 min with a 20 min break. So, doing two 50 minute sessions with a 10min break. Is better, I can also learn to read articles etc. during that time, but for now, I will do w/e I want. There was a weird incident while working out, I acted and was not sure if it was toxic or not but it felt appropriate in an assertive and athlete kinda way, not sure if I am pushing the perspective too much. I noticed some unconscious thoughts I have everyone here has and are based on the unconscious field......... of the region which has a thick Blue/orange layer, this is where I also did shadow work in dealing often with "what is". I also think that this is a layer to overcome to stopping populist agenda and "rabble-rousing". Ideally, I watch the MBTI series in my break and write tomorrow here in my journal what I learned. I will meet with a person and study together for an exam, he often sees the perspective that I am missing and I open Pandora's box, so it works out as long as it does not get to complex lol. Then I have to go back. Another student also gave me the advice today to change the university for my masters, since this here is to a degree a travesty because of the "Einstellung" of the people. You can smack them more opportunities in the face, they still won't work. Now, I definitely want to read upon MBTI, the axis is similar to what I already noticed while solely... listening to the sound of peoples voice and thinking about my meditation techniques and trips. Also, I feel that I am up for some shadow work again, these people are amazing. Also, very inconsiderate. I will do some shadow work around that, potentially it is me. But, the projection of others is just a given nowadays, also I am reading the book a bit while going to bed.. 48 laws of power. I watched many reviews, but I wanted to learn more about stage red. I think this will be good for asserting myself. (There is still the great filter ) Time is up. Also, I will receive my key to the "laboratory". Maybe I post a picture... or not, it's a room full of nvida devices and health devices for android programming and health apps, etc. This is what I will be working on. Let's see what this will turn out to be. I am going with my intuition for the long haul here.

@CreamCat I agree with CreamCat this is why I did shadow work and in general, also do meditation. Being with other people you are in a relationship. I read about polygamy and other relationship forms I don't have experience in them although they sound appealing. When listening to David Deida, I personally think not to feel! That he is right in this day and age most likely depending on where you live a monogamous relationship is the best way to also bring consciousness to other people. As an example For instance, I can be conscious and step beyond the unconsciousness exhibited by the other person while at the same time act out a behavior that is positive and the other person interprets it as a personal attack for e.g I say an absolute thing for instance I like to make fun of Jesus , because I think he is funny or make a genuine compliment , now the other person feels offended or "snappy" or can't take the compliment and downplay its sincerity. Now, reading the post above the thing is that their unconsciousness triggers them, they did not identify their unconscious stance and therefore it was revealed. Reading the post above being together with a person and being financially dependent on men/women/w/e. Is not smart, this is where my generation on FB shines, getting married and posting about their relationships, etc. Even if happy couples most often don't post etc. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-it-means-when-couples-constantly-post-about-each-other-on-instagram_n_5a8b06cfe4b00bc49f4732f6 Some do it smartly and I think personally displaying one or two pictures in a happy way and sharing it with friends can be great, also great to catch up with others. Especially when older. Counterexample. For instance, I can be toxic in the sense that I am not as assertive and therefore leave unresolved issues out in the open. Now, even when I read some techniques and bought a book about how to be assertive, it is difficult because it evokes emotional stress. I often become hubristic and it is difficult to stay calm even when I did shadow work about this (also) for 2 years approx. I am sometimes not sure if I need to reprogram my biological responses.. etc. Which takes time... Some also give in to social pressure. Especially women according to David Deida... say that they have a desire for bearing and rearing children. I think this is great, yet what about becoming independent first? WHICH MOST WOMEN ARE. Or looking at spiral dynamics stage orange etc where this get's a bit more nuanced. David Deida has a nice audiobook a 1h version where he talks about this for one hour here is a short video. Also, listening to an audiobook about polygamy there are so many factors which many feminists deny especially biological and I talked to one that influence attraction from women, there is the science perspective, the cultural perspective, and the unconventional perspective. IIRC -> Which the audiobook and the researchers in it talked about. Also, when seeing a lot of peers this is true. This is why I tend to like authentic people and people who stand true to their passions, desires, dreams, and wishes, etc. I don't date currently, but I pondered about this for some time.

Very happy! My Professor ( pls read about personality types) had an accident and he still makes things happen in the hospital. I can do everything as planned fking happy! My 90 min meditation session today was good too, a class was canceled and I already have enough points to not visit the class for the exercises for that particular class to take part in the exam. Also, it is not relevant for the exam. So, 4h30 of lectures are voided. Now, I definitely want to watch the personality type series lmao posted again with Si/TI axis and general axis. I watched parts of it, yet somehow it did not hook. The social factor for feeling a drive and getting things done is quite big for me. Not as much as an ENFJ for example but big, especially with a smaller group, that meets up! Now I do most things but as a potential rewatch I'll post it here I skimmed the video solely. Otherwise, I will watch Leos video a bit then plan and start studying for the day. To finish my 7-day challenge.

I want to make a plan before I want to trip again possibly the end of July or beginning of August. I am not sure which substance I will get my hands on. Yet, before all of that. There is still the great filter Now, I was set up to come to all of these "conclusions" more or less and keep wondering about coincidences. I am definitely so tired of stage orange international students. I want to blow my freaking brain out. Rewatch this video when before the trip Reread this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four-dimensional_space (Euclidean space - thank you Shinzen + my intuition.....) Remember watch one link which has been sent to me from a course. Ideally, buy one book from Leo's list concerning psychedelics, etc. + Shoot for one experience via Psychonaut wiki. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKm-WXRH2IQ Plan: Set up day. Watch the video above: Re-read the article about the 4th dimension. Journal and set intentions. Eat beforehand Meditate beforehand Review Shinzens techniques and stuff learned while practicing the last time no technique was applicable and I just licked the tail of the ox Watch the Tail of The Ox Episode (Link) (Day before) Read about samadhis and jhanas and take some notes! (Day before) Compare it with the ultimate Wilber Map (Day while tripping) During the trip: This is a bit more difficult. I am still unsure what to do exactly, it will depend on my intention. I definitely want to go for a minimum of 2h meditation session. While peaking and see if it is worth it. Otherwise, I think I am let off to feel good and gather insights. Don't do it in the student's dorm. Create a music playlist (shamanic Viking music, pop music, more progressive rock, djent, tool especially,) Test different binaural beats or nature background noises while meditating, last time I went really deep with bird sounds and nature. At best: The weeks before work out. Have a lot of positive experiences or generate them. For instance, go for a biking tour again with my bf near a river. Do a weekend retreat from shinzen. (Side Note: I once took LSD and went into the last day or session of the online retreat from shinzen, I did not experience anything weird but felt quite spacious) Otherwise, not sure I am procrastinating by writing this post, and I postponed my scheduled walk. I finished about 5 study sessions and I figured I have to ask the prof. since I am stuck on one problem, where I am not sure if this a problem. So, I will continue with the script. I still want to live my dream life and I definitely need to move from this area and place. I finished reading the sprial dynamics book and this is even when a lot of people are greenish~ a "slug festival" of Blue/orange. What is mentality. Which is just bad annoying and I should be able to sue them for letting me produce an unnecessary stress response. I am so happy. That I meet some stage yellow friends or at least green/yellow, yet more yellow. The one girl who wanted to test psychedelics and tested it explained to me the 4th dimension of her trip, I cant still fathom what she experienced and she definitely did not want to share as much of it. I can understand parts of it, but I feel like this is cheating somehow. Still, this is a yellow +/- person. I sent both of them the spiral dynamics page and both ranked themselves as turquoise and yellow and they are not the type to not assess themselves somehow accurately. I don't think they are turquoise but by their level of activity, they are both yellow and stable yellow. It's funny how difficult it is to find a topic to talk about when others know so much and you so little. Especially also academically. Yet, it is possible and fun. Now, what else did I do? I studied for 6 study session approx. today, I hope the other guys will be quiet today. I am not sure. This is about 4h of intense focus, similar to a SDS sit... I am not the best at studying yet. I also will go to bed today sooner and wake up tomorrow. I made a challenge on my whiteboard to study for 10h a day for 7 days. I will segment this into 4h blocks and one two hour block. I will not be able to do that on Wednesday, because of too many classes. Otherwise, I will do my 30-day visualization and challenging believe challenge and listen to an Allan watts audiobook, potentially, to deal with potential nihilism. I missed 2h of scheduled studying because of procrastination. YouTube, This Forum, etc. Tomorrow it will again be blocked from Monday to Saturday to access the forum for more than 15min. Hopefully, everything works out as visualized and scheduled.

Today the morning routine worked out. I am still very tired and going to make myself some green tea. I stayed up in bed which I rarely do and read some article about the solar plexus and because I was interested in it because of meditation. I will schedule my day and start at 10 am to study approx. I kept thinking about hormones and how they transmit information and unlock the cells to transform glucose into energy or other sugars. Otherwise, hormones are peptides there are also fats that build up hormones, the difference between peptides and proteins in their size and peptides are larger by 100 amino acids. Not sure if there is more to know besides this small fact, that could be relevant. Serotonin is a hormone. Dopamine is a hormone. Testosterone is a hormone. Estrogen is a hormone. Insulin is a hormone. Oxytocin is a hormone. Cortisol is a hormone. Adrenaline is a hormone. Growth hormones are hormones. What are they good for? They transmit information and are endogenous (rly ? lol), there are produced in gland cells (Drüsenzellen) in certain "organ systems" and afterward are transported into the blood. Then they connect to the cells where they transmit the information. For e.g insulin opens cells in order for the cells to "eat" glucose. Hormones are quite slow, they need a couple of minutes or hours to transport information, nerve cells on the contrary need only a couple of seconds. Now, why do I do this, for of all because it connects back to the books I read or listened to. Sex at dawn etc. In general, I find it interesting how the body functions. Yesterday, as I stayed awake. I could not not think about solar plexus. Plexus is Latin for "Nervengeflecht" which is just plexus is eng apparently. Now, I did not know but I am not surprised that the vagus nerve is connected to it the article that I found was quite long. I kept wondering about chakras after reading the article since I really wanted to know what the solar plexus looked like. I could not imagine how nerves look like in the body. I still only know it from a digital graphic. Now, as far as I recall correctly, the vagus nerve is connected to the brain stem and also transports serotonin, dopamine?, oxytocin, etc. So all of these hormones. The brain and the solar plexus which is also called the small brain, not to be confused with the cerebellum and the other part I mentioned in the Samskara post. The solar plexus and the brain communicate with each other yet about 90% is from the plexus towards the brain, which is what I often felt. Now, this part of the body is quite complex, it controls the spleen etc. Tbh, I don't know what these parts of the body do - briefly, they protected with lymphocytes the body from illness. Afterward, I thought how naive and how also partially correct most likely all of this character talk is, yet looking at the actual physiology it does seem to make somehow sense. I mean we don't walk around with a solar plexus chakra spinning near the sternum, the plexus is way larger than that. Now, I don't know how well this connects with other chakras, yet I was interested in body functions and found out more than I wanted. As usual. Nr.6 is the vagus nerve which connects to the brain and almost every number is part of the solar plexus. Reread this link: https://www.dr-gumpert.de/html/solarplexus.html About yesterday: I still studied for one 45min session and made myself a Q and A for an easier class which gives a lot of cp though. Was hyped for Leo's episode this morning. But, he or youtube declined that people want to become woke. I bet.

Another 15 min entry the timer is set: What do I want to write about? Workout Schedule Time spent Apps Habits Now for my workout, I watched a video ate something and approx. had a 20gram + - protein intake. Rewatch this video: Reread this link: https://www.netdoktor.at/laborwerte/hormone-8457 I am following the hybrid strength coach from freeletics and I am doing pretty good, today I noticed I can lift more weights when I isolate my biceps. Even when the workout is more focused around bodyweight training and lifting weights. I still have some with my form difficulties the gym is quite small. Yet, I enjoy it somehow more now. Schedule: I did my 90 min meditation, yet I struggle a lot with my early waking up-habit. I often think oh I can listen to my body and just keep sleeping and when I feel rested I have more energy for the day. Which is usually the case then. Yet, in England and China, I had to wake up at 06:00 that is the difference. Even when visualizing and doing things in the morning that I want to do I struggle with following through. I find it easier to wake up when I have classes, internships a job, etc. Because there is an impetus to do it. I wrote down my obstacles also in my digital journal sometime and broke down the reasons why this is occurring. I listened to the atomic habit audiobook and another habit audiobook. Note: Make an audiobook plan. I want to do cold showers again to be fit in the morning. Time spent: Approx: 30 min on actualized.org with my pc. Approx: 20+min on actualized.org with my phone. Studying: 3h without counting breaks etc. Raw 3h intense focus studying for 45min so 4 study session. Workout: With walking changing cloth etc. 2h today was a long workout because of weightlifting and pauses. Meditation: 1h30 Oversleeping: 4h Cooking: 30min made a quick meal since I had no breakfast. Distraction: Nr.1 YouTube and phone. I notice my 5 minute breaks after studying tend to be 7min or 8min and the 15min break kills basically my scheduled 4th study session which is dedicated to one subject. All in all, technically my breaks should be 45minutes for 6 study session. I effectively can do 5 study session when I execute it perfectly, yet I do more 4 most of the time. Averaging about 3h of effective studying during the afternoon. I want to reduce my pauses by 5 min every second study session. Tomorrow I most likely can't study outside. So, I will make tea and study indoors and go for walks + audiobooks and review them with my entries here. I killed my morning with 4h oversleeping. Time is up. Editing approx: 2min

Alright, I have to be quick I planned my day. I only had 4h of sleep and then slept for another 4h. Yesterday I was able to wake up at 06:00 and today it was around 10:30 because I went back to bed. I meditated for 1h and 30 min Obstacles I want to overcome this is the habit I implemented: -> Going to bed early -> Reducing noises -> Take a cold shower or hop into the shower -> Turn on some YouTube video directly in the morning -> COLD FKING SHOWER Meal: I wanted to count calories and in general have an overview so, I don't need to think and calculate that much. Coconut milk approx: 112 kcal per 100ml = 442kcal for one can of coconut milk Natural rice approx: 360 kcal per 100g = 3590 kcal for one kg. Curry paste: 108 kcal per 100g = one small glass has 125gram (Alnatura brand) Vegetables: 91kcal per 100g = one pack has 400g so 364 kcal. (Iglo) This would be my meal for today: My calorie intake would be round about: ~1000 kcal. This is when I eat healthily: I eat in the cantine Monday - Friday to save time. I am not very resourceful currently. 1 minute left to go before the blocker, blocks the site on the pc for the whole day.

Or negativ aspects of them. I hate my dorm neighbours and dislike International students now.

So, I have nothing planned for the weekend besides studying. I took care of some administrative tasks today in the morning which took me about 1h and 30min. The walk down the hill takes some time, yet it is okay. What I want to do today is I still want to work on my project for 1h and 30min and then read and go to bed. I still waste a lot of time with random distractions and therefore don't stick as much to my schedule as I want to. Some things are necessary. When reading about the jobs etc. of other people I definitely regret my choice of major, yet this is what interested me and combined both aspects of what I wanted to do. Now, I keep checking in my study breaks what I can do afterward and I am happy that I can develop some health and exercise oriented apps and learn a bit more about concurrency and programming mobile games. I never thought I like mathematics that much and in general just theories, I worked against this conditioning with the LP course and before with CBT exercises. Now, life feels more like a numbers game. Rinse and repeat and reap the results. Studying is fine etc. Still, I notice when browsing here that my comparison mind kicks in, so I treat it with mindfulness over and over again. Now my workout today was a bit easier than yesterday. I am following a program hybrid strength via the freeletics app. For instance, my workout on Monday will be without the warmup which is difficult because of diving pushups. 50x Jumping Jacks 20x Crunches 20x Lunges 20x Burpees 5 rounds of that. So, in total 100 burpees. + some smaller stuff. Doing them in a row would be easier, yet the jumping jacks and the other stuff definitely takes a toll on the body. The exercises are apparently very good and utilize explosive strength and are good for neuromuscular efficiency and increase the speed my nervous system communicates with my muscles. I looked into how all of this works cursory (pun intended) and this is also supposed to be good for the joints and increases the dynamic joint stability by sending a signal. The muscle sends unconsciously a signal to stabilize the joint which is good training for knee injuries since the mechanical joint stability is "sometimes" not able to stabilize itself anymore. There is more to the subject. https://www.freeletics.com/en/blog/posts/confused-about-contrast-training/ https://www.physio-pedia.com/Neuromuscular_Exercise_Program This definitely is an easy explanation. I started to look into how joints look and now know what a subluxation (partially) is. http://www.sportsclinicnq.com.au/blog/neuromuscular-training This could be interesting for robotics. I mean I still think too much about what I want to do for a living. I could do a lot of things apparently! With this weirdo degree. I could go into game design and VR, I could do standard cs degree aka masters. I looked into data science and some unis I can't apply for that, but after following the TechLead and Joma on YouTube I started to see ok, data science is not going to earn me the money that I want to. Apparently, since I want to move to the U.S badly. I have American citizenship and I still have contact with my Dad, so he can help me even with friends, etc. to get started, in case that is potentially needed. Otherwise, there is a uni the offers robotics and some others which have more to do with the stuff, where we only scratched the surface. App/Mobile development seems to be good for a side-hustle and in general a good skill to have. Otherwise, I am learning java stuff and internet programming, databases my c++ course I was not able not take it. ANNNNNDD I had bureaucracy sometimes. Most people don't understand how a divorce etc. impacts life quality and upbringing, just by meeting people who have parents that are divorced. I am doing well and I am actively working against such things having an impact. Yet, even having to thing about changing your biological mechanisms, like described above is way out of the ordinary. I also want to move badly, I dislike this town it's fine it's okay. Yet, to much Orange/green at uni, the greens are great. The few yellows are their own caliber. I am happy I choose a Prof. which is very yellow. I hope I can learn a lot from him as a person and technical skills also. What else. I checked how much calories I am supposed to intake. For a mid-weight loose I would need 2300 calories a day, to lose 0.5 kilograms a week. Apparently, high-intensity workouts that I do would burn up to 402 calories. When I do the math. 8-14 calories a minute. Approx 40 min high-intensity exercises and 1h+ / - strength exercises. (5 times a week) When I check my Mi-Band3 I loose about 230-300 calories a workout. Yet, I don't see as many gains as I'd like to have. I had to stop my workout coach two times since I 'd the subscription when I was in week seven and in week 4 or so. Now, I am back to week 3. With a one year subscription. Note: count calories as a challenge either 7 days and record it here, not sure if I need a scale. Now, when I went back and we had a couple of holidays I always went to a 5k run, yet endurance is my biggest weakness. So, I did it. Yet, two or three times I just walked because I was somehow trapped in negative thinking otherwise. It's okay. I can run the 5k, yet not without stops. Which makes me feel weak etc. I want to train this after I am done with my coach for 12 weeks. What could be a solution, what I did when I excelled in college for one fking semester was when even when going back I jogged to the park and did some exercises. Now, I can do that easily again to have a buffer for not having a gym subscription back home. Otherwise, I go for bike rides, yet not above 28km, I checked the last time which is not very far. So, I went and did a 5k workout afterward. I want to excel more, yet I struggle a bit with socializing here. I like nerdy people, yet there are not enough. I joined the Unix Ag and will most likely go to the froscon in two weeks. So, this is also what calnewport recommends. Starting a club or being the president of a club, I could have the choice to go for sports, yet I decided not to because the uni is very small and therefore it would be some random thing I do. I thought about offering meditation, yet then I stopped considering my own temper sometimes and thoughts I have. Now I will study for 1h and 30 min ideally or do only one study session of 45min. Then read and go to bed wake up at 06:00 and meditate again for 90 minutes. I will do this near my bed with my zafu and zabuton tomorrow morning in my apartment for 90 minutes at 06:30 am.

Here I go again: Today I finished my 90 min meditation session. I was able to do 60 min sitting and 30 min lying down. I got distracted because of my scar and had some very angry thoughts because I can't feel my body properly because of this, also my body feels slightly twisted. To the degree that I sometimes when I meditate naturally turn my head to the right without noticing it. Anyway, if anyone thinks this is funny. I almost died because of it during birth. So, I gladly kill you. Any day anytime. I downloaded the app creamcat recommended to induce a more natural way of influencing melatonin called f.lux I already had the app once, yet was unsure if it works. I am getting back into my natural rhythm when going back to my parent's house. I often slack with my routine. Today I will also workout I scheduled my day in advance in timeblocks as Cal Newport recommends. Now, I checked the pdf to do the internship and also the recommendations to do my bachelors and I meet all the requirements. I was a bit worried. Also, I strategically did what they recommend, not sure if everyone does this, yet I assume most. To do a "bachelors" and to do the internship with the intent to build more theory and foundations around the subject of the "bachelors" or simply to do some groundwork. My Prof. already approved this and technically I am a semester ahead because I did the voluntary project. Practically, I was stuck with some simple things the employee at the company solved in an instant because it was my phone aka a hardware problem. Now, I still hope I can learn a lot of this Prof. I took a time table and wrote down the recommended times to study for the exams. I am still not very productive if I had to intuit I score in the 7 percentile of industriousness and listened to the lecture on how to increase it. From JP. Which basically says stick to a plan and have a vision IIRC, yet stick to a plan and execute it. Which I do with daily planning. I figure I am getting more into the 20-30 percentile range. Especially, with working out for 5 months now 5 times a week. I feel like a madman I sweat like a madman the day before yesterday my accountability structure aka my phone since no one wants to work out. Works surprisingly well. I receive my clap claps and the app cheers for me. No.1 reasons why robots will be great, humans just suck sometimes. Now, I have an app installed or an extension that will block this site in 60 seconds. So, I'll spend a maximum of 15 minutes a day on this site. Via my pc. My phone does not have a blocker. I wanted to write my workout routine to feel good about myself and I read a bit about testosteron. 10-15minute journaling is apparently only good for mental health reasons ?

Wanted to write two posts today: I finished most of what I could finish today. The last two hours (1min overtime currently will set a timer of 12 minutes this time) I cleaned up my room a bit and picked up laundry from the drying rack (or horse how they apparently call it in the UK) and folded all of these. I can't bear how amazing this post already is! So, what I wanted to write about is some random and coincidental things and ponder.. again. As I finished studying I went for a walk around the tartan track and there was a guy with his dog right behind me. I felt as if I should not talk to the guy or play with the dog, I was sort of in a nonchalant tired of discursive thinking mode (weitschweifig mal wieder ein neues Wort gelernt). So, I was sitting there outside on the stand and suddenly the dog was chasing a rabbit. I was neither amazed nor anything else. It just happend and the freaky curly-wurly dog was chasing the rabbit across the whole tartan track and the soccer field. The owner was a bit perplexed not knowing what to do he kept whistling, yet the dog was so excited chasing the rabbit. The both vanished from my view then came back and suddenly the rabbit was down for it, he started to sprint along the 100-meter track and past me on the stand, I had my phone in the hand, yet I did not immediately think about recording the dog catching the rabbit The rabbit was way faster than the dog lol and lost the dog afterward. The owner caught up with the dog and the rabbit was gone, he was very cool about it and just kept whistling. Hysterical dog owners are annoying sometimes. But he was just calm and collected. Anyway, I came back and cleaned my apartment a bit it took me two hours to clean all of the dirty dishes, fold my clothes and to take out the trash. I was listening to an audiobook during that time. Integral Spirituality from Ken Wilber. He mentioned coming back to the coincidence that there is a Japanese saying - chase two rabbits and catch none. In terms of choosing a spiritual practice and changing master and master, practice and practice over and over again. Which he mentioned is definitely a hindrance. He talked more about stuff, Leo also talks about. Yet, this viewpoint would be a bit more conflicting. Also, Ken mentioned that it is difficult to not have a teacher, who can explain the spiritual map. And all the structure etc. talk. Now on to business? I want to do a 90-minute sit in the morning since I am getting up at 06:00 and I keep falling back into bed. I want something to work towards or look forward too, especially since uni or other goals did not work. What worked was definitely visualizations before going to bed that is why I am doing that again and igniting my vision. Therefore, to be subconsciously programmed to be hyped. Then by "nature" I am a night owl and go to bed by 02:00 - 04:00 which is just horribad. Now I am past the twelve-minute mark. Ideally, I'll write down my work out routine tomorrow and count my calorie intake and do some quick research on how much calories I approximately need to lose weight. Worst mistake I am currently doing with my workouts is to not eat afterward sometimes. I already feel the gains when eating protein-rich foods. I don't buy "weigh" currently. So, 90 minutes meditation session in the morning 20 min bath 10 minutes eating. Then head-off to studying that is my current plan. + ! 5 minute planning in the morning. In my bullet journal. Now 23min past bed time.

Another 10 min entry: I watched the video above this morning from Sadghuru. It was kinda boring I am not sure how "practical", spiritual advice can get. Now, I am in my favorite learning spot on the campus. It's even quieter than the library and just above the library. Now Peter Ralston and Eckhart Tolle have two new videos. I did not watch them, yet will watch them when I do my 5 and 15-minute breaks in between learning. Otherwise, I meet with my prof yesterday and asked for some clarifications and he explained to me a couple of things, which I did not know with the command line. I am not sure what to think of this Prof. he is quite nice but, often the ratings on my.prof.de or so, represent the quality of the professor. For instance, I asked one Prof after the class today to show me how to built the servlet in eclipse. In this class, we mandatorily have to learn java,javascript,php and html. To build for instance WebApps or to go into WebDevelopment I dislike the topic, yet I like the coding. Anyway, the Prof has a rating even when he is strict of 90%+ and he was very kind and even said Ta-da at the end with reminded me of Leo since he is the only one who does this who I "know". So, I had to laugh really loud and this definitely made my day. Otherwise, the holiday season is apparently kicking in. I tend to forget this since it really does not apply to me. My parents are divorced and therefore financial means are limited to a greater extent. Especially, since my mom tends to be more traditionally girly, therefore she never cared about having a career even if she had options but declined since it was to much stress. Now it is coming back. I dislike her a lot of this. Even if get along very well. Now, I am off to study till 22:00 today is a "hard" day, so I will study the rest of the time. I started my 30-day challenge with my whiteboard two days ago. To tackle two limiting beliefs and do a 10-minute visualization before going to bed. In October I wanted to test the Sedona-Method. Ideally, I send a couple of applications for employment for a summer job, yet I wanted to do my mandatory internship. I could have already done that, I theoretically did, yet I wanted more practical experience. Because the internship I got was a small detour, where I stayed in London for two months over the summer. Technically I have some stuff, I already sent out applications, yet only 4. Which 1 decline and 3 not responding. Now, 10 minutes are over. It would again take me an hour to dig up more topics that I have thought about and this environment here rather forces me in a very positive way to work on my tasks. Oh, yes I wanted to write about my workout routine and ideally make a plan how much calories I lose, I bought a Mi-Band to test that constantly.

10 min journal entry: I will set myself a timer and write. I am back at uni, we had holidays or a prolonged weekend from Friday to Tuesday. Now, over the weekend nothing spectacular happened, some stuff. Yet, I was lazy and somehow I noticed that the feeling of complacency is somehow gone. I kept thinking about my Enneagram type which apparently changed from 6/5 to 4/5 over a 4 year period but! I took the official test from the site so, I stick with 4/5 I remember vaguely, that working is one of the things that make 4/5 the happiest because of some reason to go towards, yes growth went towards 1 and 1 was the achiever or so. I think I have the pdf on my phone. So, I thought about that... and noticed how much I slack off when there are environmental incentives to do so. I mean fuck tv, and video games to a degree. Not that they are bla bla, yet I am not so much inclined to play video games or watch tv as I was inclined to in the past. Quitting TV was one of the easiest things, I was just so determined to stop watching TV. That I just turned it off and that's it. I watch the occasional series on my TV with my Laptop, yet this is like every two months for 1h and 30min on average. Otherwise, journaling now would take me an hour. To write down all of my impressions. I definitely notice that digital journaling especially online makes me more prone to think constructively about my life in terms of what can I do? With a physical journal,I feel more sentimental and nostalgic and want to write about my feelings and express myself. Potentially, because people could watch and in general I work on my laptop, that I tend to think more constructively. Ah. Btw. I called the police yesterday because the hysterical asshole was upstairs yesterday. This time they came and I am going to sue, them if they keep being so loud. They are depriving me of sleep and my health and are being heavily inconsiderate. Time is up, I almost finished the spiral dynamics book and wanted to write about Blue/orange. Long story short what I can recall is that they steadily refer back to what is! This is how things are! My "theology" needs to be argued and their needs to be a winner and a loser! It's a fine distinction and I could not tell what it makes more orange than blue, potentially the need to convince and to not demonize and kill. Most likely this is the color code of how missionaries and colonialism started. Video to watch:

@Leo Gura Thanks for the feedback! I see I certainly did not surrender completely during my "biggest" LSD trip I was sort of stuck between the beauty of "god" or like I how to call it consciousness tunnel like in the Dr.Stranger video waiting for "god" to pick me up, yet somehow I felt I was not worthy enough. During my kriya release, there was other stuff going on where I could not tell if the universe wanted to kill me or if it had a rational cause. I felt very close to ego death as far as I could describe it with both experiences and kriya was just sudden, I poked this feeling constantly with Shinzens ~ feel flow~ label and feeling in then it bursted open suddenly through sound. I saw my physical body move as I saw my solar plexus pumping up and down in front of me while I cried. Now, I had 3 flashes of a vivid picture as I closed my eyes either after meditation or randomly when I shut my eyes in the area Shinzen calls gray-scale blank. I also saw the outlines of an ox during the retreat as I closed my eyes in the grayscale black(darkness perceived when closing the eyelids) and saw, that I could create anything out of my imagination, there are even residuals of that often. Not sure how radical it can get. I've read that Samskaras from former lives and the present one are situated in the metencephalon and the cerebellum, this is where I currently feel a lot of stirring. So, I can somehow understand that memories are Maya/fantasy/imagination or not real somehow. ( The site is German there is not translation https://wiki.yoga-vidya.de/Samskara#Alte_Samskaras_als_Hindernisse_f.C3.BCr_die_Meditation) I never did or tried kriya-yoga, yet the kriya-release was a bit more powerful than my "biggest" LSD experience where I as you commented barely licked the tail of the ox. With the kriya experience I felt the ox wanted to impale me with his horns, I felt I would faint if I "surrender", trust and die. It also lasted for one or two days. I felt I moved up from the hell realm to the animal realm. I'll definitely be more ballsy with my trips and also humble enough to surrender not constantly have the "thought" to think of respect so much. So, thank you again!

@Leo Gura Does it depend upon which technique needs to be practiced to reach radical love or love with a capital L? Or is this not even possible to reach in one lifetime without the use of substances/psychedelics? Also, what do you think about the quote "Unearned consciousness is valueless" in connection to psychedelics, I heard David Deida and Ken Wilber say that, so I was questioning, also how much formal practice is necessary to make a psychedelic experience valuable or does it depend more upon theory or more ambiguous factors such as predispositions, environment, brain chemistry even, or past life experiences, karma, etc ? Also, would you regard a kriya experience as an awakening or distinguish them ? Especially after practicing kriya-yoga?