ValiantSalvatore

@mandyjw Not sure if my comment is appreciated or if this is interesting. The white light is called Nimitta as far as I searched I found this to be the technical definition of the experience of white light, even if it is interpreted differently. http://rc.leighb.com/more/Nimitta.htm I've had similar experiences so that is why I want to share this, hope this is helpful in understanding all of this. (I did not read the whole page)

From reading one post here. Please don't make health a status symbol. Health is a natural part of life. This is my philosophy I dislike status signaling, as well as virtue signaling it feels like puke. It occures naturally.

A new day. It's quite cold outside even though it's summer the weather has been this bad for the lost couple of days, but tbh I enjoy it more than the eat. I like late summer the most also fall, I don't I always liked the concet of vantias. It is similar to impermanence the only constant is change. So, I am moving forward as usual, as I have been doing as well as I could according to my state of conscieousness and circumstances. I will receive mail tomorrow (e-mail) about the details of the retreat I bought. I looked up when I started taking retreats I started almost two years ago (?) in 2017 and did two weekend retreats there I recall this was the time where I experimented with LSD, so I actually.. even if this is like absolut haram. At the end of the retreat (it was online) with a tab of LSD in my mouth and meditated, I do remember that I had a lof of impermanence going on, but nothing specifically happend my state of consciouness was altered and I dove deep, at the sametime I was still inexperienced with LSD and I was prone to give into the lysergamid feels. Instead of going deep with the substance. I've got another thing to start rolling for me, but I don't want to abuse it. I want to use it consciously and fair. I am not allowed to share it by, I'll most likely do it anyway at one point, it's very unlikely that someone will abuse it here or will actually use it out of this random journal so, that is that. Otherwise, my stretching which I already did in march or so, for a couple of months (?) I've gained some progress but I dislike pain a lot, I am so adjusted to comfort, even when I took cold showers, and exercise I am still quite adjusted to comfort. It's quite a journey for me personally to breakthrough of that, as well as, my threshold for enduring pain is quite low. It could be my brain and how it changes from what i read the enviroment basically did for me, this is undeniable to a degree in my subjective experience, research is catching up with this stuff, since it was only tested with mamals. Anyway, enough of that understanding the genetic level is a difference from a "historical one", I've seen "educated" nazi's talk similar shit. So... experts do matter. I can't make myself tea properly. I'll actually test it now, it's so cold.

@Consilience Is eating less worth it my physique naturally is quite athlethic, I am focusing on building muscles and becoming lean, I will see what the last 4 weeks of the coach entail. I can see my abs etc. when I look in the mirror but not when I look down lol, so I am a bit frustrated with my results. 7 months surely is enough time, any workout regiment that you would recommend ? The coach will be over in 4 weeks and I am not sure if I will start another round of a new coach etc. I do pratice meditation, I am not flexible enough for hatha-yoga yet. So, I can't pratice that. I've transcended it partially with LSD

I have a problem when working out and with nutrition in general, I am working out quite actively for the last 7 months I had a few breaks in between and played around with my workout habit it is quite stable now. I tend to go 4-5 times a week doing mostly body weight exercises, also training with the freeletics app and hybrid strength so focusing on muscle building and explosiveness. There are a few problems that I have, one is I am just now correcting a few exercises and I am loosing the amount of repetitions that I can do, for instance I can do 10 pullups or a bit less, let's say 8 and but when I stretch out my ellbows fully as athlean x advices I can do two at most. Also, the gym is very very very small, so it lacks some good equipment. My training mostly consists out of HIT exercises (high intensity exercises) and lifting, for instance one workout could be: Warm up 2-5 mins: knee highs, jumping jacks, planks, switching planks + other rather small exercises like windmill my arms forwards and backwards or leg raises etc. Actual training for e.g I did today: 5 rounds: 5 clapping pushups 30 knee highs 5 knee jump burpess 40 seconds break Then a new round of exercises called Poseidon (2/4 of that) 20 pullups 20 pushups 15 pullups 15pushups Then 25 jumps. This would be one day. Weight lifting exercises I do are: deadlifts max = 80kg backsquats max = 100kg ( farthest I went are 120kg) bent rows max = 40 kg bench press max = 50 - 60 kg Results after 7 months: I did loose 2-3% of body fat I did not loose any weight. I can lift 50kg more with backsquats at the beginning I did 60 or 50. Now I do 100+ I generally feel more fit and more psychological and social benefits, let's say mental health benefits. That is about it. Nutrition: I took the advice from @Michael569 to mainly use Sucrose products (IIRC!) so, I am not buying any products that are not full whole grain, dinkel wheat etc. What I mostly eat is whole grain noodles like spaghetti with tomato sauce and a bit of cheese to cover protein intake. In the morning I eat oatmeal with some peanutbutter again for protein and to last till lunch. In the afternoon it depends since buying stuff here is difficult, because I am stuck in the students dorm on a mountain or hill. So, I buy mostly nuts and eat them solely or I eat the leftovers from cooking so agian noodles for instance or others stuff. For e.g what I also eat is brown rice with veggies and tofu, or the same ingredients as curry, or the same ingredients as fried rice with some cheese for instance. Seldom I cook potatos and eat it with spinache, I often also use an egg or two to the rice or to the leftovers to boost my protein intake. Stats: I will use EU metrics. 191cm 90~kg (1kg less or more) 13,6% body fat BMI is 24.7 (73kg - 93kg is normal) I looked sueprfically at some pictures and decided that I want to get below 10% body fat I started with 15-16% body fat, also I am not sure what is more important body fat or bmi as an index for health and or progress. Since, my BMI does worry me a bit, especially since I am not loosing weight and eating less. My calorie intake to loose 0.5kg for each week would be around 2300 kalories. I don't think I eat that much, but on some occasions, people offer me food and I just eat it. Also soon the cafeteria will open again, so I will eat their not so healthy food again. Any advice ? Cooking all the time is a bit difficult when the kitchen is small, I do want to do a challenge where I teste a new recepie a week, but for now I am doing other challenges. For e.g stretching for meditation (and of course exercise). I follow thenx, a German channel (smart gains), and athlean x on youtube, but I am somehow dissapointed with my progress. Is reducing my exercise for instance from 4-5 times to only one or three times a week that bad ? I did this now twice over the span of 2-3 weeks, so I lost 1 month plus of subsequent training. What would be more important in this situation exercise or nutrition ? Other advice ?

Okay, I will do a short entry. I was not able to to the reading yesterday since I priorized sleep and want to meditate in the morning not the evening, because I am currently cheating on my sleep. I checked how much the sleep tracking ring costs and it's way out of my potential budget. I can't pay 300 dollars for a ring going up to 1000. They even did a study with the ring https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28323455. I shortly checked again what some symbols mean I totally forgot ? Anyway. I am unsure if my workout is effective it's so long and I keep relying on the app which costs time again, still the time killer NR.1 again is not waking up on time, I love to sleep and finally to shut off and not to complain or other stuff. That is it I will do the speed reading exercise and stretch and go to bed. I blocked this website again since I am visting it to often during the internship, I could focus more on the work present I still use the 50 min, 10 min break technique but I get interrupted a lot. Helping here and there, or holding a quick small talk. I do think working with engineers it different. But the engineers, programmers w/e plumbers are not talking that much in the morning not at all around 13:00 they start when I take my break and they won't stop till 16:00 apparently. Anyway.

@Hello from Russia Well what do you recommend for food intake is the plan I wrote above enough, my coach with the app will end in 4 weeks, so I will have to re-plan all of this, since I am at a dorm and train at the gym of the university there is no one I can ask and there are only a few people with a lot of gains. What I know is from the app to take in 30gramm of protein each meal so 90 grams approx a day. Or I calculate it precisely IIRC it's 2gram for 1kg of weight, so I would need to eat 180 grams of protein, so 60 gram each meal. I am not sure if this is to much, so I took the advice from the app ( the app said both) and I try to eat around 30gram of protein each meal, I am not sure if I hit the mark but I eat around 20 gram at least. What strengthens the nervous system ? Besides supplements like cordycepts that help to strengthen the nervous system (?) against stress reponses and enhances resistance. I mainly drink water or tee, mostly some green tea varient, which are supposed to help and boost fat loose even, but on a minor scale and IIRC it's an open debate if it helps or not.

@Michael569 Thats the point I forgot, there is so much information about this and I am interested in so many things. I'll remember that for now to stay away from sucrose, I confused complex carbohydrates with surcose somehow. That is quite clear for now and forever !

@Consilience Thanks, a ton! I By the mere look of things this will definitely help !

@Elisabeth Thanks for the report ! I looked into a couple of retreats that are available in Germany and the Netherlands, yet also with the bufo alvarius toad or MEO Hemmer IIRC. It sounds still humane, I am a bit suprised that it seems so normal, I tried LSD quite often now. I did not think 5-MeO can also be so normal without ego death. I also never experienced it.

I am waiting for the Professor to give me an answer, otherwise after the break I will start trying to understand the reverse engineering of the scale. Now, tbh I would love a bit more complexity though it's a bit to much oriented towards data. Still, not sure what to write about, there are a lot of topics but I am so hungry at the moment and cooking here is difficult. I am a bit frustrated with my friendships since I ended them I've found new friends who I feel are more solidly yellow and green. So, I can integrate both. Yet, a lot of projection from people again. Ken Wilber is not joking when he says you will be alone and misunderstood, especially when you are a minority. I've felt this for a long time as I said I've found two people who are very close to that, but they live their own lives and dreams. I want to stop crying after my friends, my dreams where getting weird for instance sleeping at my best friends house in his bed while some holigans (which happens at his house sometimes) were acting rampant outside. So, this was odd. He is the only one I have contact to in the old friend group, but somehow I am done they are so Orange/green it's insane meme fun, video game type bullshit. Sure it's fun I miss the fun the most, but you are so dependent on dopamin and recognition of others. Which I never really understood, still it feels good I won't deny that. But I never or rarely if yearn for recognition. As well as I am worried that the friendship will just become derailed, since everyone is getting married now. My mom received me quite late, so there is not much pressure, I also found that people who are similar to me tend to be way wiser than the average joe. But that was one fking person, single child, misfit, loves travelling, progressive, hides structure because it makes no sense to discuss it, independent, likes autonomy. Sure this is a quick soundbite, but I am not for instance going to a private university, or other similarities both went to a music school, and did some kind of sports. For her I will count dancing as "sport" it was ballet for me it was swimming, basketball and soccer. We laughed so hard about childhood similarities same with my new very good friend who I helped with the company of his father. He is the owner now of one large hotel in our home town, I don't care at all he knows that I don't treat him different because he owns a couple of hundred of thousands of euros and the hotel is worth millions etc. Still, when I gave them the test they both ranked themselves as yellow/tourquise I mean he explains me how the fking hydron colidor works, she explains me how money was invented, they are both higher in IQ I know that, but it's not like I can't do what they can sure they will have the advantage but college taught me there is a lot more, to achieve and I barely hit my pensum, I slacked off a lot still. Like I said I was in the 7 percentile of industriouness. I do think I've increased it. Still keeping discipline over months is not as easy. Okay again enough for now.

I am making a third post now my stretching challenge will be post-poned tomorrow I know I am not obliged to stick to my schedule, yet I can act it out as well as posbbile. I am still a bit perplexed by the amount of work people are capeable of putting out. I don't know how good my time managment is, I wasted today 2h with being tired, cleaning a bit and cooking watching leos video or even 4h. It was 4h. From 17:00 to 21:00 to not bullshit myself. I did the reading challenge altough I am so tired, I ordered a scale for the nootropics since the scoop is to small, so I will get used to guessing the amounts of milligrams, the whole procedure bli bla blu took so long that, it derailed me completely from what I read, and I did not write anything down besides some weird post here. I want to do the stretching this is as important if not even more important than the reading challenge. Is the stretching habit. I want to do it tomorrow night, ideally I do it after working out, the workout tomorrow should be shorter than the weigh lifting segments, my body fat percentage is at 13,6% and according to the scale WHICH WEIGHT ME THE FIRST TIME SOMEHOW CORRECTLY at 14,6% all of this makes more sense, but I want to trip. The insights from the trip lead to much insights of what I want to do with my life, since it connects me back to my disconnected childhood interest. I know them, but they go deeper, for instance I never knew I liked science and mathematics and that this stuff is even applicable. I also forgot that I actually had an "elite" education even if that is a joke a pure joke. But based on how the German system of schools was established and the social roles that I saw, tbh I would write for a freaking hour now. Is the partitioned.. people into classes I did not know that, some random young youtuber made a video .. about this stuff, I went to a different system and changed to an "elite" school than. It's partially a joke but the attitude of the people display this and I see this in myself, especially when going to university this shines, but it is also part of self-exploration, but it does not need to be defined to class thinking. I do think american and materalism in general breaks these partially, sure money is most likely all talk, but the level of thinking is different when I meet americans. People love to party here with americans americans can be loud, and you can actually shit talk. I love this partially, than you can just blabber but sometimes it's to much. I still remember one incident where I was at a friends house and the neighbours (americans) had a bonfire in the garden. They were so amazed by the quientess they became loud, they saw the "systemic" if you sit for like fking 8 hours and longer. Or "neurotic" shutters going down and laughed and stuff like this. I don't know they were just amazed by the silence of a city, no screaming even if my city is like ...quiet loud and asocial sometimes. I don't know checking instagram, travelling by train makes me want to reflect and think about life, I know this is mostly Green, I've read the note of the susan cook greuter paper one guy posted here, to see if there are any loopholes from what I can recall. I copied behaviour of someone I liked because I was inspired by symbol and language reading, and checked small stickers and poltical notes and grafiti, but mostly ! small stickers on streetlights, stop signs and signs in general to get an overview of the vibe of the city, especially the underground and poltical vibe and the mentality of the city is displayed, also the spirit of "youth", if they are progressive, rebelious partisans of any sorts holigans, nazis, anti-faschists or w/e. I don't know peoples movement and this stuff is very moving for me emotionally a tiny bit more so than others. Tbh I even get inspired by Hitler speaches in German, this guy is nuts, selling people dreams, speaking about unity and such. Holy Hitler. It's quite moving or reverent, of course it's not good, but the spirit is quite insane. If anyone watched the series on amazon prime the man in the high castle, he or she should know what I mean. That series was great. I love vikings too. Somehow I did not watch west world. Okay by far enough. Reminder do shadow work on session with the women who triggered me.

I received my nootropics finally today, and I downloaded a bunch of tools to deal with programming I have the log now of the manufacturer, it's quite funny how everything connects back and small synchronicities occure, I've got triggered today by an extroverted person, I liked her but I knew I don't like her. She gave me some sort of lecture on how to use the nootropics, the point most likely is dominance and assertivness and embaresment I assume, I will save that for a shadow work session. Also, the girl who is working with me is from pakistan she explained me some things of how people from pakistan think and are like, they just want to move to a modern country and stay there, studying is not even of importance and most of them have a wealthy family, that most likely speaks again for the state of the world as well as England seperating the country and not fully supporting it. I am not sure how wealth could be generated for the entire globe in order to work up and down a hierachy based on competence, fairness, opprtunities, skill, interests, creatvity etc. It is important, especially when I take the biological perspective also of how rank affects the serotonin IIRC. I will watch the new video from Leo partially. She told me they found one of the oldest cities in Pakistan that was established in the east. She was very kind and I noticed her from the beginning, she is also extroverted but rather quiet. So, extroverts still trigger me, they show me some hidden potential about assertivness and leadership, because I mostly equate it with knowledge actually in that sense being superior, but it somehow is not asserting yourself on equal terms constantly, still her lecturing was a bit perky. I am a bit unsure still if and of course I have to be accepted first, if I should go the university in Berlin, the other university I had in mind apparently there was a nazi demonstration for simplicities sake in Kassel. So, I am not sure if I want to go there. I saw one again today. Fking scary. Sometimes but fine.

I will have to be quick to not to not to be late. I will do the stretching in the afternoon or before going to bed it does not work that way, the evil fly is sitting on my laptop starring at me as I write this, annoying me while meditating suddenly becoming feisty companion, loving my arm to death. Meditation: Again slight 1 second drops into illumination jhanas, a lot of complaining internally at the end, with focus on the impermanence of that. Trying the guided meditation, is different. As I said I have to be fast, now my brain made weirded noises again, almost throwing me into some place ?! And these noises are so loud, I should record them, holy brain clicker. This is way to loud.

You can get a license for handguns here, similar to a drivers license I assume, but semi-automatic weapons are not purchaseable. People who hunt can most likely also receive some license so it's regulated and buy hunting rifles, but I assume again not semi-automatic or autmoatic weapons etc. There should be a ban on these here. My neighbour has a handgun and is a judge he also goes hunting, but he is a bit odd, friendly but odd he has a lot of academic spirit. Without seeing it 100%. Also very open and tolerant, but he is quite old. Still buying a semi-automatic gun and stuff like this, I mean the hunting culture here is also present, not sure how they would think about having semi-automatic guns for shooting boars in the forest. A bow and arrow could do the same, but potentially it takes out the fun out of the "sport", but talking about self-protective measures, I know the statistics superfically, owning a gun kills more than having none. Less guns and use the material for something else. I did not even know that shootings again occured, it seems to be the norm ?

That is how it feels like watching small segments on Instagram where he takes people to Canada to receive medical care, or in general american politics it seems literally like constant rallies. It's quite moving, but I feel the details get lost mostly. For e.g a free market cannot exist when there are laws. So, I don't quite get the talks about the free market, it's all connected it's a travesty of some sort. I am not sure what the president can do with a decree, but enforcing something so larger upon a whole nation, is quite radical but I am also not sure how corrput the senat is. It would be a bold move if he can do it and would do it. If I would not have changed the insurance timely I'd had to pay 7 times of what I pay now, all because corporate interest to circumvent laws. I mean they could have said stay with us pay 50 bucks, but no. Pay 700.

I don't know how it is in Canada and other countries, so I am unsure if there are mandatory health insurances in other countries. For instance I had to change my health insurance now and the health insurance company sent me a bill of over 700€. I called them all I had to do is to give them proof that I changed the insurance. Yet on the letter they wrote I voluntarily choose to cover myself with their health insurance, I never did that. I don't have to pay now. So, I can see that corporate interest plays a role, they just abuse the law that everyone needs to be covered with a health insurance, banning the private sector sounds interesting, I am not very well-versed with the German system or systems in other countries. I heard many people complained about Obama Care, yet when I asked the people in my immediate enviroment they were not able to give me facts, which were not post-factical. All they said it was shit etc. I don't know how difficult it is to pass a bill as a president in a bi-cameral system, where the two parties seem to be at war. Yet, something the U.S President has which other countries don't is passing laws by decree. So, potentiall Bernie could circumvent that with his health insurance policies. But, I don't know how feasible that is. If he get's elected. Or if it is even good/positive for the U.S citizens.

Okay, so second entry for today. I will root my phone now I went to the gym I worked out for 85 minutes it takes sometime to prepare the pole because there is not much space as well as the breaks are two minutes long between the sets, but that is apparently good for muscle recovery. So, I did my speed reading exercise I noticed now that a lot what is written in standard books is bullshit some stuff is more real and closer to principles some are just stories, I've used an older book by the dalai laima the art of happiness and the author tells stories that are quiet beautiful, and authentic, but it's not very good for speed reading I also did not do the exercise which focuses on novels. What else my sleep. I do want to go to bed early to start my 30 day stretching challenge as well as my meta habit challenge and of tracking my habits with a white board in order to use my phone, this habit "bundle" strategie was explained in the audiobook atomic habits to build habits upon habits it very intuitive, but now I actually have someone talking about the same stuff. Now, what else I normally wanted to do some research I stood up late I am still actually in my schedule LOL! In 30 minutes I scheduled a 2h break but I will root my phone shortly after I have finished eating. I still want to read about productivity I thought about the makro level again, the gym is quite good to contemplate, yet I'd also would like to go swimming or biking. Also ... mastrubation is kept at bay here, I don't have the inclination to do it for some reason, the enviroment does not prompt me. Also, people truly function in cycles, let's see how deep this goes. Reading Wilber again slapping me with words such as Dharmakaya and 1000k bodies, hm... my mood is good for now, I took care of the most stressful things and hopefully, everything works out. I will root my phone now and research for 1h about my workout and chill then. After the speed reading week I will go with a reading plan according to the book I should devise a plan for 6 months for e.g 20 minutes 3 times a week, I want to schedule since the books I am currently reading are quite technical and it takes some time to understand on the weekend again, as a habit !! For 2-3h on Saturday. I will review my structure, to not do to much. One change at a time I've worked at to many things at one time, so I am a bit used to it, as well as a difference between a challenge and a habit is a habit does not require willpower, so I can achieve more by distingushing these. So, I am doing that currently. I never tried challenges, I've set goals, but never challenges.

The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho Biographies of Ghandi, Martin Luther King and Malcolm X Tao Te Ching Deep Work and pretty much every book by Calnewport Spiral Dynamics by Don Beck Ken Wilber !! - Integral Psychology In this order !

I want to write about meditation again. Just that I did the 1h and 15 minutes today and but this time on a chair, focusing on impermanence is a bit diffiult when I have to include more than two spaces, I can deal with body flow, hear flow. Yet I struggle with seeing flow in internal space, it is difficult to keep track of changing scenes or what even to categorize as flow with internal image space. So, I did get a slight hint of dropping deep again, a small peak into illumination jhana in the right corner of my closed eye lids. So, that was cool. Also my shutters in the morning had rainbow colors, I've never seen anything like that, but somehow I am not as amazed anymore, after meditation I feel more consciouces to enjoy the magic of life. Otherwise concentration power is important I don't know neccesarily how to train it, I am also not sure if it is just a time aspect with the technique I am using since I can bounce back and forth between distractions and focus on an object quickly, but focusing on one single object for a time, I never trained that, besides for 3 months or so, but also with a whole space again of things. So, image space inside and outside, same of hear same for feel. Same for flow and rest. Otherwise Shinzen brought out a new video talking also about the dark knight of the soul as well as the primordial black hole, how he calls it where I had the kriya experience I just think he will not mention chakras for whatever reason, maybe he just forgets and just teaches what he wants to teach. Or he thinks it's funny that other people have to find that out after reading 20000000000 books, most likely. Yet, he said it is not uncommon that people have this, I do think he gives solid advice when asked, but most at the retreat where most likely serious praticinors. All of this talk is not of help. What I took with me is that this feeling could be the dark knight of the soul meaning I would jump from the sublte to the casual stage and it is important to keep meditating while experiencing the dark knight of the soul, since it is the loss of god which causes the pain IIRC. So, that is that.

You could also think about leaving a legacy, this is what contemplation of death is supposed to feel like. Imagine what they wanted to achieve for their country or the overall state of affaris in the world. I am not denying that cemetries or futility can feel horrible, also I am not very well on terms of what I would call a legacy in my life, but this is what I use cemeteries for. Futility for me is so twisted that I know that I can fully let go when something is futile, imagine a solider having a near death experience while a bomb flies down and could kill millions, he hears the sound and it shatters right before him and it's a dud. Most report a near death experience, the death of millions is tragic I visted an old concentration camp once it was small. But this is pure horror.

@ardacigin I do want to re-listen to the book I just bought a bunch of books, so I bought the audio version and dove into some articles as well as YouTube videos and interviews. I listened to it two times so far, yet with gaps. It is also not spoken by Culadasa, so I am not as moved emotionally, so I am not able to recall as much as I want to. This is very good to know Shinzen gives a similar advice I am not sure still why he is a materalist his audiobook seem to speak a different tone, so I am a bit doubtful of the critique, and as well as how serious the advice will be taken. He gives the advice that focusing on impermanence develops concentration I was assuming I lack this skill, but I am doing okay, I did not train this, by far my best skill is sensory clarity, then equanmity because I drop into it spontaneously often, once a week or every two weeks, some deeper state which I can't maintain. I did receive conflicting advice on this, Shinzen said you dropped deep, because I specifically said I was not sleepy and he asked, the Zen master I meet said, are you sure you were not sleepy. What I wanted to say / share is that focusing on impermanence can develop concentration and will be helpful for stage 8, reading Wilber today this also would be the subtle stage, or a "white light" he literally describes this as this, and it is a state-stage in wilber language. Other descriptions I heard are illumination jhana etc. But I am unsure on this. I only sat once for that long I tried a weekend retreat but I failed I want to stretch myself first so I can sit in a lotus than it will be easier, I can do it in a chair, but I only did it twice, exactly one time 1h and 53minutes and once longer in a retreat, so I potentially sat with moving because my back hurts at one point and that is the point where the lotus becomes more comfortable than a chair for 3-4h. Shinzens programm run 1h30, 1h break 1h30 then some break and again the same segements of allocated time described above. I don't think it is that difficult but I am aware of the setbacks, for me crying and intense emotions, the sitting is less of a problem the pain is okay, I am not very well with that but I trained with the pain processing algorithm of shinzen to deal with that specifically, but at one point my brain literally burns and I take a break, it does not feel healthy. I did not know that but I am a bit confused with the word insight, I am not that knowledgable about meditation as you, especially not with Culadasa since I've known him only since you introduced him, also thank you for that ! I did have a kriya experience where my nervous system was involved so I can relate a lot there. That is very good to know I feel so much pain around the plexus even with the kriya experience (which cleansed it) where the whole plexus and I am saying that in the literal definition of the word moved up and down, intensly releasing emotions, I looked into it. The vagus nerve is also involved which reaches into the brain and IRRC releases hormons such as serotonin etc or transports them there. So, it's no wonder that I feel a lot of stirring around my brain stem. It is comforting to know that the nervous system needs some time to handle that let alone that some says that the nervous system is involved makes me happy, that someone took the time to go to such depth and ask why. etc I will attend a weekend retreat with shinzen focusing 4h on rest I hope this will give me some insights into no-self or illumination jhanas aka white light. Also, I can't focus very well on my breathing I never tried the technique for long besides two or three weeks at the very beginning, I never developed much concentration therefore it is still my weakest skill, yet I assume I am training it with focusing on impermanence a lot, and with longer sits. Also, I don't feel my breath a lot because a scar contorts my body, I can therefore but focus very well on the expansion and contraction but it does become painful from time to time. So, I am mainly looking for princples and commonalities since breath techniques are uncomfortable for me and I am a bit biased against them, because of my scar. It feels very odd, I could puke sometimes, or have an orgasm that is the best I can describe it. I also do notice naturally through shinzens techniques advice given in the mind illuminated for instance around the 6 or 7 stage the natural jerking movement of the breath, this mostly occurs for me around the solar plexus. I wondered why this happend last year ago or so but forgot. Anyway, that is about it. I'll hope the retreat will bear some more fruits. I am quite sure I am around stage 7 low to mid, with insights into stage 8 illumination jhanas (pleasure) I could be wrong I do have these for about half a year or 8 months or so, but I am lacking most likely concentration. I trained this for sometime but apparently not deep and well enough or long enough. (2-3 months iirc) There is a lot of crying currently with old wounds and thoughts which normally don't show up showing up, I do hope this is a good sign. Also everything that is undulating, vibrating, changing is impermanence, the speed of internal talk, the vibration of my laptop, the sound of the birds, cars vibrating by, emotions, etc. Or the slowing down of something and fading away till "gone" occures. Also focusing on rest will evoke I assume! pleasure jhanas which are associated with impermanence vibrations etc. So, potentially this helps.

Okay, second post of the day, I'll just finished my workout and read a bit I still felt very tired today and I had to do something for the internship as well as other stuff, so that took away sometime. I could not finish rooting my phone since it did not have over 50% of it's battery. So, I will do this tomorrow to gain access to these hci.logs where I get the serial number and stuff like this ? From the manufacturer, I actually like this I wanted to get a bit closer to hard ware, I am still in love with travelling and seeing parts of the world. Also, there seems to be a discussion about marriage I am quite unsure how this will go out for me I checked what I could get my hands on since my parents are divorced, I am also a single child , IIRC these are all not very good signs, also the financial aspects are a bit worrying, a YouTuber I like a lot TechLead his wife just left him, he said cultural reasons, family stuff like this so I was a bit suprised to see and hear that happening, I bought his YouTube series where he shows the life at google etc. It seemed like a happy family, but apparently stuff was going on beneath I don't like this, this is why I want to develop my self also, I know that conscientiousness and orderliness are two parts which are "statistically" proven to benefit in a relationship as well as compassion I score quite high in compassion in the trait alone in the 77 percentile. I attribute this to tong-leng pratice and travelling when I was younger, still is this what I wanted to write about ? I checked when I charged my phone randomly about vitamin d levels and watched Leo's old nootropics video or supplements, he took very high doses of vitamin d and apparently since I have darker skin I just skimmed the article I have to take more since the pigments ? stop the sun absorption. Well, tomorrow will be the day and yes I scheduled my entire week till friday because of the retreat and I don't have the times of the retreat yet, they have to send me that first. So, I'll wait and I also scheduled two challenges on my whiteboard visualization, the meta level track your habit habit tracker, aka use the habit tracker challenge on my phone, since I am a bit phone avoidant, I stopped using my phone a lot because of Eckhart Tolle and meditation. Now, reason is to become adjusted to using my phone not my whiteboard as a habit tracker, I tried various online habit trackers like habitka and such and it did not work, I like things simple and it shows my also some stats, which is good. I also want to make data-driven decisions not purely, but also do that. Note: I still have no idea if journaling and such is very good it helps me and in general writing about a process helps to maintain it and keep track of it, as well as the results. That is why I am also currently now journaling. Also, keeping things to myself as I did with my phyiscal journals is a bit to much, it becomes very gloomy at one point when I write two hours of some crap inside these journals, they are good for exercises though, so I keep them around. Also apparently there is a dark knight of the soul at every stage, a subtle, casual and non-dual. They have specific names, but that is what I recall from the book, besides transcend and include and the difference of not transcending and including, which can be dissocation or very strong identification of a view at a structure-stage, there are also energy bodies, I wonder if they are fusionable with the notion of impermanece since they undulation, vibration etc. Are all part of the movement of impermanece, so ther would be a energy body in gross, subtle ,casual and non-dual. I did have access to the subtle stages I am accessing these more through jhanas, illumination, wilber describes them literally also as white light and at the end red light ? To enter the casual stage where the dark knight of the soul resides. IIRC. That is about it re-reading will be of importance I do have a one week speed reading challenge going and will do some exercises from the book. My workout was good, I hope I can get acquianted with some people in the gym. I do like small talk, depth can be troublesome.

@outlandish London is like Frankfurt a lot of Orange because they are both banking cities. I lived in London, but mostly worked in Green/orange or Orange/green businesses in the video and film production, sound engineering and stuff like this. People where very open, they told me stuff that I did not believe but apparently that is normal in the film industry. It was only two months, the city did have a lot of Green but a very strong Orange, I worked near the banking distrcits in the st. kathrines building right next to the tower bridge. I also lived nearby. I've been to Amsterdam also but only for three days or soo, it was more a Orange/green for me during that time, mostly about pleasure and drugs, but I don't know the city enough I think it is quite Green because of the transportation system. I've been offered cocain 20 times day or so. I did not do much touristic stuff. Cities with trams somehow scream Green for me. In London most of the time it was about business and people kept their distance, modernism and the cloths let alone people wear, screamed Orange. Also a lot of runners and achievement driven people. I liked this a lot. I am just very curious about Berlin. Since the author mentioned it 20 years ago and comparing it to other German cities is interesting to me I love big cities. You can bet I don't know if this exists in other countries that a "Student City" or a city with a lot of students will be more progressive or Green. We have stuff like this here "Universitätsstadt" the districts there are quite Green. In the sense of postmodern green, egaliterian, pluralistic etc.

@cetus56 That is insane I just know if I recall correctly that the pineal gland is responsible for producing melatonin is a serotonin derived substance. I've read now a bit on shivaism, and that lingam has actually been translated to phallus by the people who translated sanskrit text first. So, there was a misconception there. Also, I did not know that the "anjasins" or I will call them priests where given access to food and shelter in order just to develop their level of consciouness and share that solely with the society, any advice regarding marriage, partnerships, life, or work should not be answered by the priests. I don't know much about indian culture, yet it makes sense now when I watch videos that they sometime speak of nectar, I did not knew this stems from religion or had a religious background. Cutting open the frenum to reach a gland is quite extreme. I saw a videos of aghori sadhus, so I am not suprised that they go to such extrems. Also, not sure if it hurts I lost one fernum under the tongue when I was in my teens.