ValiantSalvatore

I've found a neat trick that helps me personally to go deep in meditation as well as sort of brings back the psychdelic intensity, because it's the same method of meditation, that allowed me to peak into the ox and touch it. I am very sensetive to sound emotionally, not neurotically, similar to scratching over the blackboard and you get goose bumps, that is how I feel with sound, also this is a sign of pithi. So the neat trick is to open up the window and listen to the hum and drum of the world as well as listening to binaural beats and turning down the volume to a greater degree. So, that would sort of be similar to a trigger pratice option, especially bird sounds take me deep, becoming one with a sentient being is supposedly possible, yet my compassionate nature allows me to feel sort of the pain of ?? by sound of some bird chirpping. I will do this I totally forget after I forced myself to the habit with binaureal beats and I notice now, I can perceive the ... chaos within fields clearly, yet with binaural beats the same "algorithm" or sound is produce and my brain distinguishes from naturally perceived sounds and sounds perceived by a device,so what is and what isn't is being distinguished, yet this takes sometime leaving me in a place of not knowing which is good for my pratice. I saw my closet drifting IIRC the correct term. For 1-2 seconds. So, again this is a good sign.

I am 3/4 through Leos new video and it hitted me a clean hit that I needed, to wake up. I never had a desire for truth, since what seemed to iss certainly was bollux. Yet, in recent years that what actually is, seemed interesting to me. I mean my meditation works with the senses, looking at chakras models etc. This is also conflated with stage blue/red which I struggled with which I struggled with. Yet, knowing now that the details and the understanding of certain parts of the traditions can be conflated to a higher stillpoint and this stillpoint is the non-dual suchness of isness namely also tathata. I do think I know what is meant, I am on the way to realizing some parts of it. What I wanted to ask is what would I do if I would actually value truth ? What would I do if I would want truth ? Without theory, the theory is covered by so many masters already. Pratically what would I do ? I would include it in my life purpose and define it more narrowly. I would have an authentic desire to realize, god, truth, issness, tathata, suchness, no-self (?) I would definitely impelement the stretching habit and get used to sitting for hours on end. Definitely my theme for the upcoming months will be renounce your stupid busy life. Create minimal friction, and work on the core/root of a problem.

Before I meditate I wanted to write what is currently happening in meditation as well as one important thing I wanted to contemplate. I will meditate for 1h30 today. What currently happens is I hear my brain making clicking noises again similar to the very start of my medtiation journey, as well as the fact that this occures more rapdily and intensely now. I would like to pinpoint and say which parts of the brain are involved, yet I can only described annica or apparently the unabillity to satisfy ones needs or the inabillity to control, or impermanence at the brain stem, reptilian brain. Now I hear a lot of clicking noises inside the left part of my skull, as well as sometimes the neocortex, as well as most likely the midbrain by looking at a diagramm of the brain. So, this is that neurological changes are a precursor to a new plateau that I can reach. I would like to record the sound just to see if people around me could hear it since it fees so loud, similar to an ankle cracking sound. Even if this may sound crude, all of this is currently happening and I presume it is a precursor towards stage 8, still my technique is choicless awarness, leading to khanika samadhi, I want to train also accessing concentration of upacara samadhei, I don't know the literaly translation from pali or sanskrit, so I can't tell their literal definition. Khanika samadhi is moment by moment concentration which is trained espeically in zen, because people also do samu or "collective work" and are supposed to be present and pratice during that time, so each new moment that arises is infused with concentration, it feels very energizing, yet highly alert and sharp when I feel I gain more traction with this aspect. Next would be upacara samadhi, which I could train with focusing on grey scale blank which I presume would evoke also nimmita since access concentration is what holds it from what I read in the mind illuminated, as well as I presume khankia samadhi can hold it for a while, yet it's more sporadic then. Next thing I wanted to contemplate a bit about is time. How do I use my time each day? Are my priorities that important ? What is a legacy for me ? Why do I waste time ? How much time a day does my ego corrupt my decision making ? What do I want to do with my time on planet earth ? Why do people waste time ? How come that time exists, when everything vanishes into space ? Why does my body-mind perecive time ? What is time ? Loop What is time ? Why does thought take time ? IS thought instant ? Why does this dimension include time lol without psychdelics this question won't help. What is pratical about time ? What is theoretical about time ? How is time considerid in buddihsm ? etc. So, I will just write a bit for now about this. First of time seems to be a fundamental law of the universe, I don't even know if there is a formular to calculate time of some sort. I googled and I will stop for now, why do I waste time ? The desire to do something makes me waste, time, the desire to satisfy my needs when they are not meet, to perpetuate them when they are there, and to achieve more of them when they are established. Nothing of this is a time waste pre se, all of this is fine. Yet, why do I feel this is so important, writting down pratical steps does not help. Looking at my notion of what is time, is a more theoretical approach. So, why does thought take time is rather technical, thoughts produce peptides ? Thought is a function of my organism ? Why do I perceive time systemically and not as a holistic field yet ? Am I stuck in my understanding ? Time seems to flow by, Shinzen told my the first time I talked to him as you get older energy and time contracts, yet what is "true" paraphrasing here is what shines forth. So, even as a young gallant knight time will inevitably contract as well as energy, then what is worthwhile ? Media ? Old stories ? Horses ? Really ? This cosmic field begs me to find out what there is, form will always take time, the formless is timeless ? Is it this ? Why do I waste time ? I waste time to entertain myself, to maintain myself, reducing stressful thoughts, worries etc. What do I invest my time and energy into ? A stinky journal ? Consciouness work ? My dreams ? What my parents want ? What I want ? What the universe wants ? What my future kids want ? What my wife/life partner wants ? Hobbies ? Aspirations ? Parts of it, time definitely exists in my 3d reality, undeniably, does it exist even in the sublte dream releams ? Yes, yet I can't controll it. What is timelesness ? An isness of void ? Will I become a voidteralist ? Or is all of this another classic ? And I am the devil ? I do waste time because I like to waste time, it makes me feel good to not do what I want to do because I don't like to do what I subconsciously resist. What am I resiting, resitance itself of what I want deep down there and I would not even know it, if it is a simple NO that that carrot cake, or yes to going to karate training. Is it that universal ? What is a legacy for me ? Leaving behind a shit ton of money for my children ? Destroying hypocricy as well as dogma and ideologies through my lifes work ? Being part of a super advanced technical company and driving innovation forward, being enlightend and forcing others into awakening through sheer presence, is that possible ? Can a dharmakaya be so strong ? Is it not just shakti, qi, ki, or energy ? Living a live of a boddhisatva and helping others and being of service do I like this ? Really ? Do I like service ? Do Ilike to be a roman slave rowing around in the rowboat ? Listening to the hum and drum of my slave masters ? Literally ? U know ? Why do I not follow my priorities strictly and I succumb to the pressure of my desires ? Do I want it badly enough, is my time investment that much out of order ? Or is this another hyperdimensional cube game, and I literally can't take the seriousness of this at the moment. Am I that deluded ? Are others more deluded than I am, and how am I deluding myself with the time I invest let alone in this post. I am a type b person, and in generall very relaxed and not as driven, enjoying working towards my goals with lowkey effort is more fun to me than striving and being expolsive and riding on the energy of the striving. Excellence for instance is something I enjoy, yet also part of impermanence more or less. For instance working out and meditating does work, yet how do I perform in this endeavour ? What am I explaining away ? Rationality never made sense in the first place ? If chaos resides in the expression of others and myself being prone to acting out there emotions. Being dark ? What is this ? A joke ? Darkness is scary, yet being dark ? What is this ? A joke ? Seriously, this is not much different than asking questions under the influence of psychedelics, besides they take me deeper. Yet, what is time ? An expression of form ? Steming from the void ? Eflux ? or Reflux ? Is it both ? Is it neither ? Is it OR. What do I want to do with my time ? Follow my bliss, muse, joy, radiating vibrant forms of live, big cars, houses, nature, beauty, perception of form, art, thought ? What is that for me programming ? Writing ? Photography ? Language Learning ? Learning ? Knowledge ? Travel ? Work ? Excellence it self ? Working out ? Reading ? A verb or a noun ? Computer Science, Biology, Nutrition, Books, Psychology, Life, Buddhism, Cultures, Fitness, Anatomy, Business, Politics, Legacy, Life purpose, Coaching ? It's more of a noun then a verb. I like big pictures, the big picture... of time, is my life purpose spent inside the time space continuum o fmy interests. Is it that simple ? A small picture are all the verbs I wrote down already ? Again, why do I waste time ? I accept that I am wasting time, I enjoy that I am wasting time, I forget that time exists, I forget that I exists besides in my drama ? Drama ? Worries ? Toxic people ? Corrupt people ? Depth ? Span ? Why do I waste mental ressources to not fully function at tourqouise / coral, and evoke change instead of being stuck with the small picture ? Do I need a small picture ? Big picture or to strike a delicate balance. Why does balanace seem to appealing ? Is one extrem not often also a solution ? Like TMI meditation, meditation with one object ? Or am I wrong here ? What am I trying to control ? The outcome of my life fundamentally, this is what one does with time proactively, as well as riding on the wave of impermanence. Is it that ? Yes. I want to control the outcome of my life, as well as fundamentally change my conditioning, upbringing, thoughts, happiness levels, outer circumstances etc. It boils down to what can I actively control, without being neurotic with my time spent in one endeavour for instance, which supports me in achieving desired outcome of my life. Are my intetions paved in hell ? Partially ? Are they paved in limbo ? Partially. Are they paved in heavean. Partially. What matters is the quality of the intention itself, no dogma, no mental masturbation, no isms. Am I stuck in another thought loop ? I do feel my inner game is very good if I compare myself with myself from 4 years ago. The same as when I compare it with others, and learn from their behaviour, I am more in touch with happy people than ever before, like attracts like and since I got rid of my old friends two extroverted debbie downers, that only can appeal to hedonism instead of eudamonia, I do think this is where introverts do generally better than extroverts. Still, working on manifesting my desires and outcomes in the outer world seems to be more of importance for now, I will stay with this use my time to manifest my postive intentions as well as my vision and keep contemplating time usage.

Alright, I did some research about food thanks to the help of one forum member and I found as written above my number one mistake, my freaking pesto... Otherthings I wanted to contemplate about today are Habits Priorities Current situation Failure as a learning Theory and praticality Mindset Priorities: Considering my LP and the books I've read, natural inclinations etc. I would say the big picture of my priorities revolve around nutrition, exercise, studying, mastery, programming, meditation, enlightenment, university, computer programming / science. What is the small picture of that ? Books about nutrition, various exercise programs and goals, reading the list of books I wrote down, developing a programming habit which I tried to do, yet habits and such are meh, I currently assume it's more important to have a clean personal enviroment first, and I struggle a bit with this when things are so small..........., I have to be extra careful and considerate... which is not in my nature at least when speaking about material, not emotions, research university programms, keep up with new friends, stretching habit. Yet, priorities the thing is when I look at my day or week that I planned or did not plan, it goes as this, I follow a good amount, I strike away a few days and get a lot done, then I dabble around a little bit, started to play some video games again after the exams, and rest on my laurels. Successes: Working out 4-5 times a week, changing nutrition plan gaining more knowledge around it, progress during internship is apparently very good, meditation retreats planend again for the first september week, happiness levels Failures: Adolf Hitler gerne auch auf deutsch. No stretching routine No book habit Getting slightly back to video games after 4 months of nothing No programming habit Why ? I mostly think I struggle with having to only implement one thing at a time, I often think I CAN DO MULTIPLE THINGS ARE ONCE, yet it does not really work for me maybe 2 weeks maybe 3 days maybe one month etc. Yet, one thing at a time and improving that or getting rid of that has proven to be more successfull then a bunch of challenges, also I want to make challenges in areas I already have a habit in not vice-versa a challenge to gain a habit, for instance saying I will meditate each sunday for 2h for 3 months, is a challenge, yet I will do yoga each sunday for 2 hours is a habit, because I don't have a yoga habit. SO, important distinction make challenges inside the boundary of established habits, or at least when starting a completely new habit make the challenge in the new habit and not some extra challenge in some different area like learning to meal prep and cooking sushi every second day, is not valid. One of the two things mentioned. Other why's? Priorities I schedule my day almost always around my priorities so the details are implemented, the actions are carried out, the vision is there, but what is lacking ? Is it a normal hang-up and I will get as soon as homeostatis stops, am I being ignorant ? If I would be than of what ? I am ignorant of my enviroment, especially my personal enviroment to a degree, this could be a sign, my going to bed habit works, I have to many clothes and appliances in my room which I don't really need, but no space to store it somewhere, besides under a table or in my closet ?! I will get rid of alot of clothes and reduce my clothing amount, I read an article bla bla which says how often do I want to wash for minimalism as an abstraction, so yes I'll do that. As soon as I washed the three pills of clothes that are flying around here I DON'T EVEN BUY CLOTHES, all of this are presents and my mom wanting to suprise me, I don't need so much stuff, today I will chill again and most importantly I will follow my sleep schedule keep track of it and be a bit more lenient one hour more is okay, but more is not going to be beneficial.

@tsuki That is why there is a difference between state-stages ( mystical experiences) and structure stages ( developmental stages - sprial dynamics ). It's important to distinguish them. Everyone can experience state-stages at every structure-stage and the mystical experience will be interpreted through that particular structure-stage. It's as simple as this.

I've found this channel somewhile ago and shared it it has some gold nuggets etc inside. Here is a playlist

Okay, I am actually getting back to my journal for now. I did think of a few things, yet what I wanted to reflect on today is the Audiobook Principles as well as write down a few nutritional things. Nr.1 TAKE CARE OF HOW MANY GRAMS OF FAT YOU EAT, this is insane my favorite pesto has 48 grams of fat, nuts have so much freaking fat, I am not sure what to eat now. I ordered a protein shake. 55 - 50 Grams of fat, also research this when eating outside. Now principles what I can recall is that the author mentions to stick to certain principles to facilitate information processing time, as well as, when someone is being asked if something is true and he or she says it's somehow true, then it's true. People are bad nowadays at approximation, for instance checking the phone to check if the gas station is 1000 meters away and I need to take two corners left and then one right instead they just go. So, check everything and make good approximations to make sure you are on point with your decision making. Next things are priorities, which are essential because I lack in this area, here do everything that is of importance and I conflate it auto.... with 7 habits, so do what is neccessary first and then later what is urgent or important, first do what is neccessary and important. I will have to restructure my approach again because of one reason... and I will see what I can do about it, I will start on Saturday, no wonder i don't have that much gains hidden fats in food, another favorite oatmeal of mine has 27grams of fat, antother one I like only 9 !! And I put peanutbutter inside !! Freaking hell.

@Etherial Cat Yes, I made an assumption or did not think through my reply thoroughly that is my bad ! I can't deny that most people are Orange/Green I was mainly in the center "downtown" of Paris and I felt a lot of green "vibes", vegan shops and burgers, art, multicultarlism, while near Saint-Denis it was like an average small town with a rather poor inhabitans. I've never been to XVI arrondissement, I don't also quite understand the arrondissements and departments which are similar to states ? So, I don't know how the overall structure of the country and or states work if it is federal or not, assuming centralized is centralized one goverment rules all. I googled him quickly, yet I did not find anything besides his death on Wiki in German. Not sure how it is in another languages, nothing seemed to stand out. 100% agree. This is what I get from Macron in general or what people complain or say about him, that he feeds the elite, I've read his election programm, the only thing I can recall is that he wanted vegan meals to be offered in univeristies and more money for kindergardens or child care. I also did not see many "consciouness" stuff in Paris or hippies or anything like that most people even if unobstrusively seemed to be worried about their apperance and their body shape, I saw a lot of skinny people IIRC. I don't know how exactly the elites are harming the country, I mean after the "Rezo" Video in Germany, I could say the same about the CDU without having a clue. Assuming you know the parties since you are from Switzerland (?). As well the only thing I know is that all of the yellow-vest protests are about oil prices, which have been risen. Otherwise I don't hear anything from france in the international news. So, I don't know how the elites hurt them. Also, yes there was some new law passed before Macron IIRC which says the emolyer has full control over the working hours or the salary in some sense, or it's not govermentally regulated anymore. So, I can't recall, I mean gay bars, vegan burgers, multi culturalism and openminded artsy people, seemed very Green and the people also had that "midnight vibe" around them, yet also it did not seem like there are a lot of stuff I could think of as systemic. I mean when looking at Wilbers Quadrants I don't even know if a Yellow city by the LR Quadrant ( Exterior-Collective) exists, since it would be informational, does a subway system count ? E-Scooters ? Rentable bikes, cars, car-sharing all of that is more either Green/orange or if there is some innovation Green/Yellow with HCI as one innovating field in that area. I am by far no expert nor do I claim to be one, I am just observing what I saw and know and reflect upon that etc. This will most likely be it, since if I think about it with prudence the only way for an advanced city to not progress into yellow via it's exterior structure would be, that it is able to do that first and foremost I presume, through it's interior collective meaning ego development through the stages. I am not sure how they are decived if I look at it from a pratical point of view and to see a solution just for theories sake, as well as another option I thought of is that a lot of advanced people could have moved to a different city otherwise a regression does not make sense, if the exterior structure is not totally damaged, yet is hampering growth I presume that would be it. Media, Politics, Corruption and the average consciouness level of the people. I always thought of as French as the people who rebel, and the yellow vests definitely show that spirit somehow, I don't know if it is even good or bad etc. Yet, I hope they can achieve something and the country / city can grow. I don't know if it is yellow again, since I don't speak french. Potentially there are a bunch more than other countries or Green let alone and yes this is a weird random "impactful" side fact. It's in German I can only find weird articles in English, but this is from the actual website. https://www.lazeeva.com/de/die-sexuell-offensten-staedte-der-welt/. In the worst case this shows the city or parts of it is above stage blue lol. Or has less conservatives. Analsex was illegal till 1967 in Britian.

@Etherial Cat I do see what you mean I assume, yet saying Paris is orange solely would not make sense according to the spiral dynamics model, since it's not "really" possible to regress. There can be backslides, yet otherwise a structure stage is stable once it is reached. I've interned with an Parisian for a half year, he studied economics and did his masters in Paris somewhere, he did not let me know what his parents did partially till the very end, he was very Green, but also had either an Orange shadow or was Orange/Green, yet mostly he was Green, he complained about the pollution and dirt and said the same about Paris and endless talks about food.... So, yes the guy enjoyed to debate, but for the sake of debating and did have some spirit, yet we mostly talked about sports during that time so it was somehow fine, since he liked olympia as well as basketball and sports overall. His parents did have a lot of money and he had a beautiful girlfriend, not sure how..... this fits into sterotypes. I agree with the superfical aspects mentioned, yet I don't feel Paris is very orange, sure it's the capital and I could be biased because I mainly visited the tourist areas, I've been there 3 times so far for a couple of days and a friend studied there, and lived in Saint-Denis, so I know the otherside from just observing also, but overall I had the impression of Green etc. A lot of cultural places, ethnic diversity, multiculralism, art and openmindedness. My friend also complained about Parisians especially clothing, expensive food and that many students rather did something with their family instead of doing something together, also about the elites. Yet, yellow are also the elites, it's the cutting edge, so it's sort of "natural" that many parsians may be elites if it is a centralized state ( whatever that may mean for now) and a lot of people and all of the best schools reside in Paris. I was curious since I don't speak french how yellow Paris really is since the author mentioned it, I was left the impression that it could be there, especially because of the many art students and students in general I saw. I don't think neccesarily showing of ones capabilities, or outperforming others is a clear sign of not yellow, it is categorized as orange. (meritocracy or technocraty) Yellow is still the cutting edge, 20 years ago it was 5% of the global population according to the author, Ken Wilber often rates it higher, and Susan Cookgreuter often very low at 2% or so, and she is from Switzerland. She also established the test for ego development which also goes into integral theory, which is a language based test or sentence completion, that is why I said I don't speak french also. I don't disagree but I also don't agree, I was left with the impression it's mostly Green with the usual city spiraling up and down and potentially some Yellow. But I don't speak french.

@Shiva Okay, I did not think it would play out in that manner. I've read a book about gamification and it mentioned one point you mentioned as a core principle in their "white hat" gamification concept, which focuses on the quality of eudamonia as well as the book on products, services as well as the enviroment and ergonomics overall mostly software. The first principle was for example to hire Gen Y people, was meaning and vision and to cultivate that inside the company, since they lack this a lot. The book was big, so I can't recall everything. One thing for instance google did was they gave their employess 20% of their time during the day to work on one project that they enjoy, but it had to be a project related to google and through a small portion of their time, this collaboration created gmail on of their top services. Yet, they stopped this approach. Scrum somehow seemed to me yellow since it was a full-fledged model with iterative steps and multiple stakeholders, I don't know if it is the model or the people. I pressume clients don't always know what they want, this is what they at least taught us, and also partially why HCI is there. I know there are people who are above scrum masters for instance and they manage them, yet I don't know what function they fulfill. A friend of mine just started this role, or received a job as one of them. So, I don't know if that helps as an improvement or if it even is systemic somehow.

@Shiva Is this not what scrum is preventing ? Since, they keep asking the client each iteration for feedback and adjust the product accordingly, I don't know how it plays out in practice or in the real world.

@Zigzag Idiot I know the map and could describe it in a basic form all quadrants, all lines, all levels etc. I had to google the word lynchpin I thought it means something else, but now I know. True many orange people fall under this category. I like to read about biases for instance cognitive biases, and shadow work shows how self-decption can work. I did not have many mystical experiences besides a few, based on psychdelics and without a couple of weird experiences. So, I don't know as much about them. In Wilbers new book he explains subtle, casual, non-dual etc stages in Integral Psychology he did not explain it IIRC. But explained terms like vison logic and talked about psychologist like william james.

@Zigzag Idiot Yes, that very well may be I did read the book, yet I mostly liked the maps of mystecism. I listend to a lot of audiobook material about Integral Theory, yet the books explain this in extrem detail. Thanks for the vid above, I've already could not recall anymore what Pre-Trans is, fundamentally a reductionism or an elevation of structure stages as well as a confusion about structure stages and state stages, as with the Freud example or the examples from Romanticism and the infant being one with the mothers breast.

@Uncover I've partially read a book once that recommended this test, I can't find the book and I did not read it completely. https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatouchtest.html From reading news mags they said it's not a very good predictor for a bias, yet they receive small results. https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/3/7/14637626/implicit-association-test-racism

@ardacigin What do you think about do-nothing pratices to calm down the monkey mind? I've been using various concentration techniques, yet mostly from shinzens paradigm, yet there are also different flavours of concentration when talking about entering samadhis. I've also praticed with Leos approach from his Video for a month and then dropped it. For instance. https://puredhamma.net/bhavana-meditation/samadhi-three-kinds-of-mindfulness/ I did a weekend retreat over the last weekend at home via shinzens programs I asked him because I listend to the audiobook the mind illuminated now a couple of times about my approach of praticing. As a side note I do assume for entering stage 8 access concentration or upakahra samadhi can be benefitial. What I am praticing is note everything so basically a do nothing form of vipassana in a sense, you let concentration concentrate you or you reverse engineer the process, instead of building the product of concentration you gain access to the information by doing nothing and let concentration build on it's own. I asked him and said that I've "read" the book the mind illuminated since I assume they know each other, and asked about khanika samadhi since that was apparently what I am training, I can't conflate it... with some concept in the mind illuminated book yet or a stage. Does Culadasa speak about in in the mind illuminated since I only listened to the audibook I assume I do have a lot of loop holes in my understanding here ? What are your thoughts about khanika Samadhi ? Shinzen did not give me a direct answer, what I can remember said this is the "age of do it yourself" I am not sure if he wanted to give me some life advice subtely, as he did before when I talked to him. Yet, at one point I was interrupted as someone else had a question but he was very inspired afterwards and subtely gave tips the whole time, since there are always new people on the net. Here is a good contrast of Khanika Samadhi since what you seem to be practicing is Upacara Samadhi, in case you have a good source feel free to share, I am here to learn in the first place. Also the other link below shows the buddahs way to think about it in a "sound bite" http://www.angelfire.com/indie/anna_jones1/vip-jhana.html https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/mahasi/wheel298.html You can String f search for KHANIKA SAMADHI. There is only one term for that in the latter link. I am re-listening to the talk, as I said I am curious for your opinon as well as want to share, ideally it helps for the outcome / result. Shinzen explained to me that regardless if it's khanika samadhi, from Mahasi Sayadaw or from another master, first of he uses the term similar to Mahasi, the links above are google searches with mahasi khanika samadhi, it's seeable even in the link. The point about concentration, that I want to explain is, in Shinzens term is, it does not matter if you focus on a small or big object for a short time or a small or big object for a long time ALL of the FOUR Possibillities !! Are ways to go about it. Yet, with khanika samadhi, he explained as I did above you can reverse engineer it as well as access it, by noting each moment, yet it's inevitable that you do both while sitting, because you still do nothing at one point when concentration on all object regardless if big or small breaks down. As well as single pointed concentration is better for developing Jhanas. I am not sure what Samantha is about is it not equanimity ? I could not find the term anymore while googling for this post. He further explained that focusing on a small object or a larger object could hinder noticing of impermanence, yet when you drop deep you are able to see what was simple and stable before as impermanent. It is important to pratice Jhana meditation as well as Insight meditation and he adviced me to do both, and study more since I did not know that. Khanika samadhi approaches seem to work for insight meditation. Yet, all of this goes deeper than I orignally thought, I've read shinzens script a multiple times, but the old scriptures are important too and it's fairly involved.. Any thoughts on this also how long is your pratice time in case you feel free to share, otherwise would it be fine to hit you up with a pm about your pratice ?

Enthegonic Evolution: (Marin Ball) https://www.youtube.com/user/EntheogenicEvolution/videos Otherwise I don't know any other channel. Terence Mckenna potentially.

Justice Democrates (not sure if they will post anything in the future) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5KuItQubgNaAiWoZXypuiw/videos Example video: The Guardian: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheGuardian/videos (DW Documenatries) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCW39zufHfsuGgpLviKh297Q/videos Example video: NowThisNews https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn4sPeUomNGIr26bElVdDYg Example video; (Bloomberg I hope I did not pick the most capitalist one here) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUMZ7gohGI9HcU9VNsr2FJQ Example video: WashingtonPost I am subbed to the newspaper, yet it's very liberal. Newspaper site: https://www.washingtonpost.com/ https://www.youtube.com/user/WashingtonPost/videos Example: Not sure what else could be included, I am subbed to a lot of channels Leo already posted.

@MindfulXpansion Don't forget lil dicky !! I like freestyle because artist have to perform and tap into creativity.

@MindfulXpansion I don't neccesarily think rap is the most "conscious" genre, there are some rappers who I know take psychdelics and must have had profound insights and are very Green/purple potentially speaking from insights deeper than that, yet as far as the most conscious raper goes I would say in mainstream. Kendrick, Logic, Hopsin and J Cole or on the front. Also, reading about hyerspace, terrance mckenna and for instance the shock doctrine which talks about capitalism etc. Ab-soul has some deep and dark songs, ua or the beast coast. But, so far from listening to your soundcloud I these songs strike me as somehow conscious if it is structural development or just brining across a message or explaining the state of affairs. Not some beat and repetitive gucci gucci.

The next thing is this is basically the perfect time in my life again to grow, I also had always had perfect times, but somehow I miss the mark, I had so much freaking time more than anyone else I believe in my life to do stuff, but I also always did something, so I had an excuss to slack off what I am mostly now or I am just better at avoiding hell no I am perfect, but when shit hits the pan ( weird idiom ) I'll work for fking days and nights. So, I will stop the visualization habit, it does not serve me I tried to do the challenge not habit for 90 days and I did with the lp then before I actually succeded I did it for 40,60 and then 90, or smth like that but I missed one or two attempts to hit the mark, of 90 days. Then I re-did it this year, for 50-60 days+ ?. As well as again for 30 days+ or so, yet after testing it so often and using the feel good technique from shinzen I have to say, I do not have enough concentration to visualize things perfectly, even though my imagination can go through the roof and I think in pictures a lot, it's something I have to learn, since I am used to "verbal analytics" and when meditating I am mostly malestormed into discursive though or internal talk. I untangled emotions and now feel impermanence a lot, same goes for mental talk currently I do intutit either a 3rd-eye chakra kriya or throat chakra kriya, but mamybe I am compeltely off but it's a higher chakra or just impermanence of no-self self breaking through oh yes another topic. Khankia samadhi This is how I currently praticed in shinzen youngs theme, I will continue doing it after seeing this. I am happy that he talks about it in orange terms taking the myst out of mystecism, he also makes a lot of map meathpors, but I am sort of tired of them. I could expand my knowledge of models, while praticing. I do have some yellow friends and my best friend has grown my green, I always was one step ahead of him.... mainly because he is a very open-minded traditonal guy similar to shinzen, somehow you would not notice he is openminded at first. Shinzen is clearly above yellow for me. After skimming wilber ( not completely yet) I could say okay he is at non-dual, as a structure stage not a state-stage but it is difficult I know he knows wilber and spiral dynamics. I know he most likely talked with Leo about LSD, 5-MeO, Aristoteles, science etc. I do think Leo is right on somethings, yet I also think Shinzen does not care that much about for instance Leo's opinion and is sort of like a very very good mercenary that he treats him with fairness and respect, and gives the appropraite answer. Still like 5 years of meditation of 6 , from Leo who is a industrious and ambitous while also praticing Yoga, which I also think can go deeper, + 1000 of books, is different from 50 years of experience + also 1000 of books. Still there are some who disagree, for instance Culadasa favours access concentration apparently, or upacara samadhi instead Shinzen leaves the room open for exploration, so you gain a lot of sensory clarity first, which I somehow intuited, but at the same time, they give very similar advice, but have a different empahsis on teaching, it's like shinzen has no empahsis, he explains his techniques, he gives very elaborated and detailed answers to questions and is encouraging and warm in his own way, as well as is very funny and his dharma talks are so interesting, I could listen for days. Then culadasa is also very interesting to listen to, not as funny and lively as shinzen, yet has a clear path and seems to be more effective then shinzen, I am not sure who has the upperhand for me, I am biased towards shinzen because I train with him. Culadasa seems somehow to be more effective in his teaching style, I am not sure what kind of vipassana shinzen has derived his techniques from tbh is it ubkin ? Anyway about Khankia samadhi. The description on wikipedia says it's momentary concentration or here: https://puredhamma.net/bhavana-meditation/samadhi-three-kinds-of-mindfulness/ It sounds like a selective form of multi tasking and being able to optimize cognitive load or ressources, that is also what I notice especially when I talk to the greats, so I often just sit in open presence in mediation and apply the technique of do-nothing, since no technique really works better than this. Then I reflect and usually I dive deep, some are a bit uncomfortable with that attention mostly extroverts I've meet, they are confused why I look that weird, but that just shows their interpersonal level of development is crude, I've looked this up. Since, it bothered me. A socially competent extrovert does not do that. Now back to live: I will stop the reading challenge and will focus on building the reading habits, first and I will call the stretching habit a challenge I don't want to work on multiple habits again this has not proven to be working well, multiple challenges are fine, yet I will not 100% succeed in all of them. So, I will do a stretching challenge, clear my whiteboard, clear my habit tracker and start with the 20 minute a day reading habit it fits perfectly in my schedule. So, I will renounce my stupid busy life, most importantly for now it getting back to bed on time, and waking up in the morning, my nr.1 cue of how my go to bed habit worked personally, was put my phone away so I have to stand up in the morning and put on a YouTube video that is educational for instance Paul Check or some coach, I will do that again. From tomorrow morning on I will wake up take my phone, turn of the alarm open YouTube turn on some video from Paul Check that I want to learn about and listen to it while doing my morning routine. That is that. As well as my go to bed routine, my go to bed routine was ( how two weeks fuck up your routines) turn of you comptuer, don't turn it on to low energy mode and visualize, since I am not visualizing. It will be turn of your pc and just go to bed, yes it will be that simple. Is this to much ? Besides the amount of time spent to write these two points no, it is simple, reduce your life to the minimum to work optimally with principles that you have learned about and take actions to apply them fail and learn. As with programming fail and learn, fail and learn, accept frustration, call it a day start a new from tomorrow and yes this is the next thing I want to tackle besides meditation, fitness and habit/routines. Is spefically researching what I want to specifcally do with the programming languages I was introduced so mainly freaking Java and Android Studio. Devise a plan and follow through on it. I already have another retreat scheduled, I will go out with the girl tomorrow again and visit the bunkers, she has a boyfriend, so for those actually reading and following if anyhow someone is intersted, than she is kinda sexy, but I am not crossing boundaries or planned anything, since I want to gather theory first I already gathered a bunch for dating purposes, yet my relationships points to work on are, time management, orderliness (potentially - a not extr bla bla) and assertivness. Mostly assertivness and just more exposure to women my age would do me well. So, this is perfect for me and I can pratice vulnerabillity since most women are not that threatend by feminity. So, I can joke around be flowy, and yes some girls get toxic but she mostly has fun, so all in all again ESTP's are fking cool and my polar oppposite teaches me again. A classic... as so often.

What do I want to write about I went grocery shopping and listend to the audiobooks principles by same philanthropist, (or phil an thro pist) so........................ I wanted to reflect on the chapters I listend to to get the most out of my day. I also worked out but I wasted my morning again as well as, shortly after work. I don't make much progress currently more on that soon. The audibook mainly talked about I started with chapter 10 I listend to it a couple of times while I felt asleep, so my subconscious processes some of this, and I naturally when journaling write about some stuff potentially. Anyway first point of this because it revolves around the subconscious is the basal ganglia is responsible for habit forming, it apparently with a quick skim over wikipedia is responsbile for affectivity, willpower, step by step planning, anticipative thinking and a bunch of other stuff. So, that is cool to know I do think my anticipative thinking especially in the verbal releam even if I can't properly show it in english, but still I do correct english speakers, I just don't write about topics that include higher vocabulary. Still, the way I speak and write english is very secular, objective and potentially even scientific, I don't get in these releams anymore of creative right brain potential, which brings me to my next point. The author talked about right and left brain that left brain people are called bright and right brain people are called smart, and that left brain thinkers are linear thinkers ( I know this is old, but interesting nevertheless !) and right brain thinkers are imaginative and creative and that it is important to know about, how each one thinks and learns, or interacts with the opposition. I will listend to this part again because I have loop holes in my understanding here. The next part was about radical openmindeness, the author explained that radical openmindedness is detectable for instance by people asking open questions and staying curious without making a statement! Statements or sentences such as : " I might be wrong. but this fridge smells." or " I might be wrong, but line 37 is wrong" are apparently signs of an closedminded thinker, because it is a statement, of course tonality etc matters. But, the point is statements and denial are two parts of closedmindness, for e.g I see myself as openminded, yet I have to constantly be vigliant if I am or not. Also, using but in a sentence if you read the book "How to wind friends and influence people" is the number one denial to watch out for, when talking. For instance a friend of mine always said but or in German aber constantly, for e.g I think you are right but, this is how you could do it better, then he had a weird smile of satisfaction and I was like, yep up in your butt. Not literally, yet I felt that he was doing it self-servingly. (I invented that word for now ) Next is he talked about habits the classic cue, routine ,reward cycle I listend to the audibook of this famous habit book since 2016.... the point is I never took action properly in that direction. Studying was so important, etc. but for now. I now know that to form a life long habit it takes 18 months, of consistency, some scientist say 66 days or 60 some 30 or 22 whatever the exact number was. But, (notice I use this specfically to deny my own point), I don't know if it also accounts for breaking a habit, so 18 months of soldliy abstaining from a habit will end it forever. It is difficult to say, I stopped for instance drinking for 2-3 years I just said no. And I went out very often sometimes 2 times on a weekend, drinking culture is different in Germany, so young people often at least here get drunk on the weekend with 16 or even earlier, it's quiet normal. Some are different, yet these are the people who mostly lived in the upperclass. Next the book talked about mbti, I am not going to write about this it would take me to long and other tests. Before that he talked about how important it is to know ones weakness, so I thought yeah obviously I knew mine, yet I could not come to a conclusion as fast as I'd wanted to. Also, yes to know ones strength, well now that I think about it and I have from the LP a list of my strenghts and I took the test before the LP .... and I consitently score the same strenghts I know them, I also partially know my weaknesses. So, reflecting also the author mentiond using the cue of pain to reflect about something is a very good habit, which I have done since I started journaling I feel I grew a lot internally, yet (notice.. I always use yet instead of but or and instead of but to not deny, but to add and to weave in a new point). My life definitely improved and he also mentioned to reflect about what caused the progress and success, all of this is quiet intutive when one journals, but most don't so. It's reassuring that what I am doing has positive benefits. Weaknesses: Bravery ( I am working on that with my strength), zest, patience, naivity, overburdening myself, to critical, self-hatred, assertivness, priorities. The most severe of them are assertivness and priorities, since these are things I recently just discovered, I thought I had priorities but apparently I don't received two comments from people saying the exact same thing one of them was leo and another one was another member I respect, but I assume is partially misunderstood. So, yes priorities, and I don't think we mean the same member, it's been sometimes since the guys been on here. So, hm... I am unsure how to work around this, my mom is actually pretty good with prioritizing here life, but she lives in small pictures, I live in big pictures aka castle building and have unclear priorities. Strengths are: curiosity, fairness, love of learning, teamwork, humour and playfulness. Altough the last strength people have to be able to take it because I my humour is way to radical for most, I am also on the postive sarcastic not the Schadenfreude side, but just sarcastic truths, are funny as fuck, I am not good at serving them I am good at deflecting them, I also like to immitate other people from others countries and streotypes because I've meet to many. I basicaly grew up with Italiens, Kazakhs, Americans, Ukranies, Russians, Laos, Vietnam, Crotia, Eritrea, Germans as well, as polish people, taischikistan, portuges, turkish people, and that is about it before I'll remember more. Yet, mostly Italiens, Turkish , Americans, Russian/Ukrain/Kazakhs, Crotian, Vietnam and Germans, so ... I love to copy Russian and Italien mafia acents and stuff like this as well as turkish, I don't make everyone laugh anyway I can be playful, as well as my curiosity makes me openminded and bold that is what I meant with counteracting my lack of boldness because I am introverted, yet as well extroverted when curiosity or love of learning kicks in. I don't feel I nurture love of learning currently enough. Enough I got side tracked to much now. What did I want to be conscious about ? I noticed that in my 7 day speed reading challenge and doing the last hardcore week I don't neccesarily need it I know the principles I just need to open a book and apply it after doing it for 4 days my reading has been above the recommended mark often far beyond as well as when doing the other drill. I noticed I am way slower here, but I do make progress faster as before. It was also the second time I started this book, because it's hella tedious to get through this shit. Literally, it's an onerous dead. So, I thought rather I implement a daily reading plan for now for 20 minutes for starters, and move up. 1h did not work, so I will stop this and 20 minutes over 7 days with speed reading will show me what is possible. Another post will follow.

The retreat is over I am lying in my bed now and I am typing with my Phone. Shinzen talked about kanaka samadhi which is what I trained for intuitvely, I still am quiet sensetive and unfortunately to sucessful with my progress in Meditation. As well as my pursuit in knowledge He gave me a couple of things to ponder about. I currently intuit that I am pursuing all-specic love, some form of piti or simply just kanaka samadhi. Also that we live in the age of Do IT yourself. Yet, people don't give as much Support. Oder people seem to have a stronger bond of communion. Yet, that is that. I am a bit tired of training, I feel I am still mentally to weak to handle long periods of Meditation subsequently. I did one duration sit for approx 4h with some movement. During the other Segments I moved a lot, I have a painful experience to pain, because of my scar and I recently lived with a lie up 15 years or so in my life. My mom Gold me IT so casually, Yet I already know her non-empathic side. Otherwise I am still as confused as before I asked a question During QA but tbh I can't go deep in this journal this is all so subtile how am I supposed to explain that? It's possible but reading books would give me Mode benefits than anything Else. I want to move. I want to be able to sit longer and stretch my body, I am still frustrated with my results. Overall happiness is fleeting and biologically I'd be better of meditating for 30 years and reach unconditional happiness literally. There is room for conditional improvement. Yet, I don't know anymore. Nothing seems to bear fruits.

Report retreat: I was not able to meditate properly yesterday, in the last segment, I meditated in total 7h, yet the last 4h segment of the 11 hours I meditated for maybe 1h and 30 min or so. I was so tired and I keep getting tired I don't know exactly why, if it it caused by meditation and I just notice the sleepniess that is present anyway, or if it is something else for e.g hormones. I did take an haemogram so I know that I don't have any issues with my thyroid, yet I am iron deficient since I mainly eat plant based foods, so I take supplements. I take vitamin b12 and iron supplements + vitamin c and d. I am still very tired I mean I could sleep again, I don't know if this is just exhaustion because of meditation ? Or because of other reasons that I am not socializing enough or anything like that, but this hill is you live like a recluse. I definitely going to get my workout in and hopefully there are some people there I can't stand only hearing people through my headphone it is not as compelling as sitting together with a bunch of people and meditating. The whole energy of the room is different I also feel I can deal better afterwards with the collective unconsciouness if that makes sense. Now today will be another 8h session from 14:00 till 23:00 with 1h break in between so 9h. I will not meditate before like yesterday, so I have time to clean up my room which I partially did and to go to the gym, as well as washing and folding my clothes. Still overall I am not very happy with my meditation progress I am not sure if it is my motivation if it is the techniques or that I am doing meditation instead of yoga and all of this stuff. My challenges definitely did not work, I will plan my week, I hate to work, yet there is nothing really better to do, I don't like this nihlistic outlook and I don't neccesarily like the task of reverse engineering since it's way way to technical. I love humans I love theory I never liked pratice, yet this is all what they focus on. Theory can also be very pratical, yet I took pratical theory in a sense, this region does not fit me, I can't write it often enough. Conservatives scare me and induce more fear than anything else. On Friday I went out with the girl with who I am working with we just visited the rural area of france nearby, since it is 20 minutes or so away from here. So, that was fun, yet I miss extroverted people in college there are so many introverted fuck faces, I can't see these ugly moles with their fucking glasses every ISTJ and ESTJ. Just burn them to the ground, I love them, but there are to much of them. Anyway, we visted an art gallery as well as shortly a bunker area where the U.S fought against Nazi-Germany. As well as some old church where they stacked human bones inside of a shack which was open, there where metal bars on the side, so people could see the bones. I touched the skull of one of the dead humans in there, and in general touched every skull of the sculptures at the art gallery. There was one artist who made a calendar of 365 days with famous personalities. From Carl Jung, to Picasso, to Bach, to even Sri Aurobindo and Jiddu Krishnamurti, it was fun discovering the faces of the famous people. Yet, this is what I miss and hate about this rural area, people just study and go home and fuck their family the whole time and go out with the old buds for some booze. No new people, no adventure, no excitment. Even as a quite heavy introverted person, I do enjoy going out a lot, I can be outside and alone too, that is not the point, the point is expoloration and adventure. Btw, the girl is from pakistan and actually has already been to Meekah and the giant stone is called Kaba IIRC and if I wrote it correctly, so this was fun to talk about. This is what I love about extroverted people openmindeness and non-judgmental. Still, she complained about the same things here as I do, the people are really just peasants, there is not better description. Corrupt neopotism, would describe them very well. There is no real authentic farmer, someone who works hard and earns his shit, as well as is knowledgeable of how the field, the plants growing on there, the cattle etc works. They are hedonistic car fanatic peasants, I don't get along with these materialist very well. Today as far as meditation goes it will be the pain processing algortihm as well as the feel good pratice, so training pain, compassion as well as concentration. Unfortunately, I missed the part of the retreat I wanted to learn the most about, I have the recordings and it was an advanced programm, so no real introduction, I've read over the script again and learned what shinzen explained. Impermanence has expansion and contraction. So, this is that.

Ok, I have never done this during a retreat, so I took notes mostly afterwards not during brekas. We are having a 1h break for now after 4h of meditation with Q&A through which I meditated, as well as I could. What I learned more about GUS. The global unfixated state, so the mind space I hope he called it that. Is internal talk and internal sight. Which excludes flow and feel out. So, it is the skull and the openness residing there in internal talk and sight space. Also, GUS entails, the flow of impermanence, popcorn thought which actually are the thoughts of enlightenment or liberation rather, I have it now self-liberating thought, quiet quick quickly. Is part of GUS, which is part of do-nothing or just sitting shikentaza. So, this is how I connected the dots, yet experiential I did not went deep he talked a lot about auto think and auto focus. Auto focus is what happens during zazen for e.g the mind slips into an automatic concentration mode where effort is not applied, the intention to control attention evaporates and the flavour of concentration is shinning forth. This is what partially happend but only inside my skull, not including the whole body. In general shortly after the 4h I lied down for 5minutes to save the flavour and I noticed that my brain was pumping and that I have this cut and dry feeling of streamlinedness again, I don't know how to describe it else, but it is... open presence may be a good choice also. An open presence of the cut and dry what isness of the sensess. My brain was pulsaiting this time a different cortex... (Rinde von lat. zu de.), so I focused my intention of the impermanence of that and I noticed I could control it, yet when I released control since this is what stage 8 as well as stage 7 is about as well as effort and concentration, my brain received a lot of oxygen / blood ? What ever not even sure if there is blood near my brain. No idea. So, that is that. Otherwise what did I learn ? Concentration can be reverse engineered instead of building concentration I let concentration build concentration. Let's see what happens the next 4h segment, will be expansion and contraction, riding the ox backwards, so I am curious for that. Otherwise from the Q&A, I want to do auto chant when I live alone not sure what if not I am just screaming out loud numbers again, this is so fun. But, I am still held in check, so I am not transgressing the boundary of what I feel I could do in this enviroment, at home I screamed so loud in the house, IDGAF, time stopped existing and it felt like time was reversed no fking idea. I also did not write my shamanic wannabe approach to deal with the kriya experience this is quiet embarassing. Alright I am done for now.

Alright me second entry today. Well, I found out I can charge my students card on saturday. I am going to name some more positive experiences, and try to do that as well as possible. I never observerd how long an intention holds and if it prodcues results, I do think it's way to subtle to quantify, also I've read a bit of wilber. I am not doing any challenge today as well as going to the gym here is why. I was so depressed after the 2h session that I decided I am going to sleep because I only slept for 4h max, and then meditated from 4 to 6am then slept till 09:00am, I took a shower, ate, wrote the post, meditated, watched youtube videos, some minior procrastination still costing me up to 45mins to 30 mins. So, I started cleaning around 11:40 till 12:15 then etc. etc. I made a plan for the day, but I decided to pick up my package which costed me an hour, so my gym time went fleeting, I listend to the audiobook the mind illuminated again and listend to the overview of the ten stages as well as stage 7, I am moving to stage 8 definitely, many experiences he describes are the ones that I have for sometime now thinking back to even one entire year. But, I did not know that they are signs of pithi, Ralston or others (?) call this rupture, I interpreted as world process because I liked the definition of the psychic stage the first third tier stage or coral imo. Of experiencing pure love, the godhead, I am not sure if this is no-self, also the pleasure jhanas are apparently signs of stage 10+ ? So, I am a bit confused again. Also, what I learned from Wilber and walking around doing background pratice, but I was more amazed by the architecture of the houses nearby, is that each stage also as different dreams. I will write a post about this on different occasions, but for e.g an integral person has dreams of flying to different places, becoming one with divine feminine, masculine, having oneness and mystical experiences in deep sleep, chaning by will the object in a dream. He also explained the bardo releam and that jealousy causes the bardo enterer to be reborn when he sees father and mother making love and lands inside the mothers womb. That blew my mind, I've heard wilber talk about it but never read it, also listening to chapters of audiobooks that are benefitical to you is better than reading the entire book. I currently listen to this on 1.5x speed, since I am walking and with all the noises etc, I can become distracted. I am quite senstive to sound, to some degree. I've read up again on cognitive functions, now I know that NI sees inconsistencies in SE, so the outer world, or outer phenomena like, changes of light, sunshine, shadow, some light for instance on a festival or things like this, or the weird structure of an entiry sceneary, and I can cohesively melt this to a point where I can say this overlaps with another entire structure. I won't name an example for now, it's been sometime since I've travelled but what I mean are landscapes, vastness and space the inconsistencies in that including sound etc. I am quite sensitive to this. Anyway, I will listen to the audiobook and chill till the retreat begins. I will workout tomorrow, I worked out three times this week, missing one day when it is a stable pratice I guess it's fine. Stage 7 is definitely a bitch.