ValiantSalvatore

I wanted write a post before I meditate, yesterday was weird again a lot of weird light flashes again and I could not tell anymore if I am conscious or not, since it was just slapped into it. I am watching a YouTube video about self-discipline and waking up on time, I am definitely missing basic persoanl development. I do a couple of things, for instance meditation for self-discipline. Journaling, as well as having a bullet journal as my schedule. Yet, what I am often not doing is the strategy of identity so that I choose to perceive and conceive myself as for instance an early riser instead of a night owl. I definitely want to work on that the video I just watched says it's not important to have a perfect streak, yet that overall things have a positive trend. So, when I look at my sleep schedule habit grid, it's 3/7 times in a week approx. where I make it on bed on time and wake up on time. The 1h leeway personally works fine, yet I thought gradually reducing it to 15 minutes so I wake up on the same time is not easy. I am also missing an identity to wake up early on the weekend, so I could see myself as not an inmate of my dorm room. Yet, the ceo of my life ? A productivity hacker ? An early bird ? An early riser and fitness coach ? I am lacking ideas I'll try to perceive myself as this and I still wanted to listen to Atomic Habits again. I finished the audiobook version of the religion of tomorrow, yet hearing it once is like reading 50-100 pages imo. Especially it 30h volume reading the book though gives me insights retroactively. So, I will meditate now and go to the internship, eat breakfast before and plan my week. Also, I will pay for the retreat on the weekend this week before the 4th of september. After that I am not sure if I will be able to do retreats for a couple of months, depends on my work progress.

@ajasatya The post is one year old, I was suprised to see it again. I took the LPC, I am working on that, as well as I can currently. Yet, that will take some time. Yes, I can find the tests in real life by reading the description, doing the pratices and contemplate the nature of them or the isness of the descriptions and check for biases etc. I am not 100% there, yet on what I can offer etc, so I am still exploring there, yet I have good clues thanks to the LP, I have my vision set for sure it can change. Desire is a bit more tricky since this term is for me experiantially still rooted in duality, so I look for the most authentic ones and I keep pursing this for now. I was curious during that time, since it was around the time Leo released the episodes and I've been listening to this already for a year or so through audiobooks and wilber kept talking about research and tests, there are some valid ones apparently. I don't know how tests are conducted, yet he also says reading the descriptions and seeing it through ones own eyes experientially, is one modality to see this. Don Beck has a test in his audiobook version so it's from the author. I can't really tell how valid all of this could be since I did not study psychology or social science to know how sentence based tests work. I answered most of the questions to a certain amount of depth, yet it keeps changing and evolving it depends on what I do in my life, so that is what I can say about that. There are obstacles that I want to get rid off etc. I can't find the test from the MD or so with a quick google search. For those interested a highly complex upper left quadrant version of this is susan-cook-greuters stages of development, you can find it on leos blog or the paper via google. It's available for free. Also includes third tier.

Eckhart Tolle mentioning Wilber. I love it !

Okay, I am stopping the cajolery from the audiobooks and will make a quick reflection before I eat my food and get out of the appartement. My workouts are fine I want to gain muscles in a calore deficiet now, yet I can't type in every calorie some people say it's not efficient to coun them or not neccessary I will still test this to the degree I can, since I can't find every product on chronometer, yet it provides myself with a pretty good overview of what I can eat and when I find new products or eat them, I can look for them and have a reference value. So, the cajolery, the switch between gym and going for a coding session is still not very fluent I waste a lot of time washing the dishes and stuff like this, still this is the best time according my plan, still my sleep would have to suffer, besides when I would do the sessions early on the morning, yet I still struggle to get out of bed early in the morning and since I can do whatever I want I can sleep longer. As long as I provide results which I am doing, not perfectly yet I like it that my professor is positive and actually gives compliment instead of lamenting all day long about the quality of students or the work ethic and stuff like this or the new generation. Still, if it is about productivity I am still a bit stuck in not prefering what is important as well as urgent as well as important. I still do what is urgent which is sort of needy. I get better at finishing projects and get accustomed to arbitary deadlines, yet this is customary. So, I will give myself credit for wanting to uphold them, yet executing them and knowing how I can get used to setting my own deadlines is still a skill not present in my repertoire yet. So, doing it over and over again is good. I still want to learn when I need to give up in terms of real life goals and endeavours, not video games, that is a bit to easy. Yet, I feel gave the proper perspective to tell okay, it's time to quit the other team won. I will make myself tea and go to the building, I will study for approx 2h and see how far I can get what are relevant questions to ask, so I would not need to read a book or tips for instance and solve this project dilema with common sense ? How long do I need to study each day ? What ressources do I need ? When should the project be finished ? Can I ask someone for help ? What do I not know ? What part of the projcet do I want to work on ? What do I know ? What do I need to learn for now ? What would a project manager do ? What would an autodidact do ? Options I have: Read the bookmarked page and implement the code, test the behaviour of the code. Ask on reddit / check reddit for an answer. Ask a my friend and go home over a weekend. Set a 3 arbitary deadlines read the chapter again about arbitary deadlines in the book. Take a huge block of time on the weekend and dedicate it to programming for instance 10h prepare food take smart breaks etc. , read the notes of the LP course again about habits, to the process again. Finish it segmentally, I am not sure how I can go about this in a systemic way. I have to build up which is weird instead of breaking down. As simple as this sounds it's odd. It's different it is like a work out. hm......... From the book I read two days ago a chapter loosers think about goals winners about systems, the system was the behaviour leading to the goal, since behaviour can be so complex depending how I view it for instance when I reach up to a pull up the fibers of my muscle stretch and the latisimus dorsi is activated, the movement causes small injuries to the muscel fibers and through regernation it will fix the cracks and grow the muscles through for instance growth hormones. Yet, see I am lacking the why. Why do the cracks grow, I could read on the weird systems side that has been posted on the forum and I understand what is meant, yet I am not interested in studying it. I thought I would be, yet it was so abstract it was boring. So, I refrained from doing that, so I can't use the pure abstraction and use it as a scafold for introducing myself to systemic ways. I can use what I know from Wilber so, I could would lacking the part of the holon, yet I find this to be weak currently to have such a simplistic view, I definitely did not explore yellow in breadth, I was never a very good breadth guy, so my skills in any domain mostly lack. So, the behaviour that would lead to the outcome of having a vision is the tea routine, repetition of the habit, a reward, small things like putting on clothes, packing the laptop in the bag, keeping my room clean etc. A system can also be very easy when I recall the lectures about vendor machines etc. A few gates, a few different decisions and it get's complex very easily, since all of it is interwoven and has to be entageled. I just hope I will get accepted at the universities I want to go to. Okay, enough palaver.

I will make a short entry I will cook some food now and clean the dishes and then go to the building on the campus where I can study coding for approx. 2h or so. What am I thankful for today ? I am thankful for meeting new people and very open people again. I am thankful for chatting with good friends. I am thankful for my mom taking care of me. I am thankful for my discipline to work out 5 times a week. I am thankful to have a lenient professor, who takes care. So, that is that otherwise I would write again for at least half a hour, I want to make everything work out, for now focusing on the coding habit is the most important thing it is urgent and important. Next weekend I will be doing a retreat so I can't procrastinate with this project !!! This is very very important. I schedule my study sessions, and I can still ask a friend for help which is good. Yet, I want to have this project finished before the new semester that would be so freaking perfect. Yet, I am stuck even with minor things, and I could go by to office and ask someone around the floor to help, yet I did not do it, I am still not very strongly proactive, potential strong, yet not very strong. So, that is that. I had a really weird encounter yesterday which was fun. I actually meet again an INTP girl the second one so far, it was fun as hell and she was non of the dogmatic intp's she made me laugh actually about donkeys. I could not believe it, I just had to laugh. The universal donkey INTP's. The great classic.

@CreamCat 1h of meditation is not that much. Depending on what you mean with meditation you can increase the amount by 10 minutes or so each week rinse and repeat. I can't sit longer than 1h without a retreat setting, and I need to move also, since I am not that flexible, so I am not a very good meditatior, but yes I can sit one hour not in SDS I sit 40 mins SDS and then move and do 20 minutes of the rest, since I am not very flexible. You can try a chair sitting can be hurtful after 2h or so for the back and yes longest I sat was 4h on a chair, it's not that much.

@Seth Don't click on the names. I can't delete the hyperlink format. To re-enter the links.

@lmfao The point for me is there is research indicating third tier I can't review it since I do not know what they did and I can't validate it for myself. From reading other wilber books and his audiobooks, I know from his writings that there are higher tiers, yet all of these maps don't make sense, yet when I sit down each wednesday to meditate with shinzen and I know he knows spiral dynamics and wilber I do see third tier as a total possibillity, it is not even that difficult to reach turquoise depending on which description one follows, it can be the first mystical stage as well as the beginning of trans-rational I don't claim I am at turquoise, yet from his description it would be do 1h of meditation each day be under 25 and you have a good chance to grow 1 stage in two years! To hit turquoise otherwise it will take 5 years to grow one stage, that is what his "research" indicates. I said often before I never found it. The point is for me I did not start with spiral dynamics but with integral theory, so spiral dynamics is another facet which is included there, and reading about stages above turqouise as well as states helped me with understanding how I personally partially entered coral/indigo under the influence of 1P-LSD, also a different book. I like to conflate things, I can obviously be wrong. Yet, I don't see anyone else having an open-mind about this. So, I am just left with the information. Potentially there are better descriptions somewhere else reading about for instance supermind would help to understand the non-dual structure stage. Maybe I am naive ? I don't think Wilber spreads evil, you could technically argue etc. I found the description helpful, since spiral dynamics explains nothing about spirtuality in combination with meditative pratices, it's values and history explained in some seemingly prudent manner to me. So, I do enjoy it it's some model in a sense, I never really cling much to things, besides emotions potentially. I mean I thought wow 0.5% of the global population is at turquoise that are 40 million people, this would be a hell of a lot of people by looking at the number alone. I don't quite understand the critique it would be interesting to see if the research of them is valid, especially of susan cook greuter since she studied parts of third tier. The book has to use language and wilber always writes and speaks like this, it is similar to the integral life forum where someone said Wilber is Orange etc. So, I don't know I am not for finger pointing and stuff like this, I like the idea of third tier, wether I know this is true or not time will tell. I am not sure what to think people see this so differently that it is difficult to not be biased. I don't have significant experience with any of the other third tier stages and seeing coral or indigo would currently make more sense to me then turqouise it's not like I "buy" turqouise is the highest thing when it's just the beginning of hitting a fully transperosnal stage. I can't tell since I am not even done with the book, I listend to a good bulk of it and read the first 200-300 pages. So, I really can't tell I am processing this still. For me personally it is wise to train with someone who is a master at what he or she does, since I did not read thousand of books to understand all of this. I just keep hoping that I don't get into a freaking cult, since people are freaky at one point. To put it nicely or just insane or have shadow elements. I personally feel that it is a good scafolding to understand the spiritual language, that people use etc. Since, this can get confusing and technical with jhanas etc, and I don't have a lot of experience since I am just doing this for about 4 years. So, I don't know that much about very experienced states and some people train really hard. Knowing about qudrants at least possiblity helps, not everything is spiral dynamics I don't think the researchers would rate themselves as turqouise a good amount of yellow and I highly doubt any of them did any spiritual practices. Besides cook-greuter, she gives me the impression that she praticed it, yet I don't know it.

Short entry. I read a bit in the productivity book yesterday and they spoke about goals are for looser and systems for winners, I do not like these terms that much they are very orange and I like it more in a healthy competition sense, where you are one team against another etc. It's difficult to describe but I hate it to depict people as loosers etc. It mentioned it is important to reflect about behaviour and have goals as a guideline and a vesion not a mere metric to strive towards too. Also that there are 5 categories of smth. One is for values, one is for vision, one is for roles, one is for daily tasks and monthly "dues". And the other one I forgot and that it is important to review most of them monthly and the latter one daily. So, I have a bullet journal which is also mentioned in this chapter of the book and I want to integrate this there, especially yearly and monthly goals, since I do not have these there. Only monthly assignments but not goals, so I want to restructure this system also, especially because it is minimalistic I am no dependent upon many devices or my calendar and my phone, but can use various tools. Next it was about yearly themes, I did this ? Not sure anymore.. yet he mentions for instance and he or she also mentions websites that to choose for instance three words that create a theme for the year. For instance excellence, execution and empathy so you would focus on this and choose actions that are aligned with these words. I choose for instance in 2018 habits and 2019 I forgot, 2020 I wanted to focus on finance and learn how I can retire and stuff like this before I finish university etc, so I have a good knowledge base before I enter the job market etc. Now the author also talked about that it is important to align goals with values and with ones vision and to check this quaterly or yearly. That is what I remember so far. Nothing unusual, yet it is important to take action for a few years and see if you reap what you sow. Gratitude today: Also I've read in a book where they did studies how apparently most effective this exercise is if it is not benefifical as a reminder do it more or less depending on what I did before. I am thankful for a beautiful sunny morning. I am thankful to wake up and don't feel groggy at all. I am thankful to work together with a wonderful open human being. I am thankful to have some fun at work and chit-chat. I am thankful for empathic and compassionate people who like to have fun.

@CreamCat Yes, this is what tends to happen.

@Rebec Thank you for the links

@Scholar I also have similar experiences, yet I never heard the term despite of even thinking in this particular way about this issue. I can't find the part I like the most to quote it but it was along the lines of not understanding of what one thinks or thought patterns and loops. Most people don't notice this and run mechnically I always liked for instance cognitive biases, such as the confirmation bias or the halo effect, or even a cultural shock is a cognitive distortion. Most people don't consciously entertain these biases as a possbillity as well as they are run by the unconsciously if they never heard about anything that influences behaviour and thinking. I am still amazed how much meditation changed my day to day thought pattern and how positive I can be just by thinking positive thoughts or interacting in a happy manner with positive people, who seem to be more aware. Reading about what one values or to question what one self values is a bit tricky since most people don't know what the culture even values, I like this model http://www.worldvaluessurvey.org/WVSContents.jsp?CMSID=Findings it even has a survival line which I did not notice. Which shows what people in a country value and how fast this changes, this shows yes people can change and their predispositions change. For instance look at sweden in the 30 second video and how strong they have grown in the self-expressive line. I do think awarness alone is curative as well as being aware of cognitive distortions and biases helps to reduce them, yet from what I've read they are not fully negatable. I mean there even is the Sapir–Whorf hypothesis https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linguistic_relativity as well as for instance of how people market products and services for instance to certain social mileaus. At least here in Germany. https://www.sinus-institut.de/en/sinus-solutions/sinus-milieus/ Being aware of that you can shoot for the most conscious "mileau" as well as individuals and reflect upon the collective to see how a individual functions or a collective "aggregates" and interacts. For instance I notice that even my english is very secular because of German values and how the language is formed, it is always about some space or some modality or some concatination. I for instance do better with words that are sciency than words that are self-expressive like, scurries or smth. similar to that. Or the whole thing vice-versa. At least this is my bias.

I am cooking some food right now and will start programming afterwards, tbh I am a happy currently. Yet, somepeople need to piss in my soup badly, fking again white trash captain germany hitler nazi commandant I swear to god if he is going to do what I think he'll do, then I am fked with even going to the gym and I would have to walk a 20-30 min walk towards the gym, which is just horrendous. Still there are many people it's not to bad, yet people like him trigger me they act like they are culturally open, and then some wealthy fk face foreigner comes to him because he is white and has power nothing else. It is not that I can't differntiate between growth and dominator hierachies, but fk faces like him wants me to be hitler. As long as he is privlieged he enjoys it he does not know how it feels like to be marginalized and he would be the type to project reverse racism, when in fact what he is doing and how he is behaving is discriminating. No wonder he does his master at this shit uni. I hope people like him die. I can't love people like him currently, sure there are moments when it is fine, yet generally I feel the incentive to rape and kill him tbh. I hate this Hurensohn so fking much and his fa***** friend who worked with me and the group projects and get's good grades in them because his "friends" carry them and he lures them with wealth and opportunities for fun. White fking trash. Am I overracting ? Most likely ? Is my intuition correct ? Most likely. Fking Asian Yuppy Fker I hate people like this as long as it is not brown I am not going to touch it. That is how people like him feel. I will definitely do a shadow work session I did plently already with triggers like this I can't be wrong 100% all the time, yet this guy again. Is somer power hungry bitch who would bend the knee if someone taller and stronger comes in the same position, no fking bite. Only in groups. Fking hell, stupid power games I bought the book 48 laws of power and I will definitely read that sometime...... Today programming. Also, I wanted to make this a gratitude journal because this has been a blessing in a sense, the law of attraction definitely seems to work for this and I generally attract more positive events. I am thankful to have a great internship in which I can learn how to reverse engineer I am thankful that I can programm for a dedicated time during the day. I am thankful for shinzen youngs life pratice programm I am thankful for a member for doing a gratitude journal I am thankful that people give me opportunities and chances based on competence and potential.

@lmfao Also Yellow has a tendency to repress Green, and each stage represses the next or the lower stage. Yellow starts to repress the heart felt side and becomes obsessed with wholes and Green is acting out apoplectic against Yellow and sees Yellow as red for instance according to this book. I've personally witnessed this in some group projects and I am projected a lot upon let alone because of skin color. Which they would deny. Still, this is universal. Try to see what works, there is so much information I can't tell what is true and what is not true. Wilber also says that Yellow is the first stage that is not demonized by the other stages as much and sort of seen as neutral. Not in the Orange/Green conciliatory sense, yet because it sees through the aperspecival madness of green. This is my observation. So you could not see you are Green etc because of some shadow element and you are at Yellow as well as you could be orange and not advance to Green because of an Orange shadow reaction towards Green or just not enough stage-growth pratices which is actually not that much. I just listend to this yesterday.

@lmfao It mostly contains what I've written above and I presume all of this is part of his integral theory, especially quadrants. Integral psychology was a lot more technical than the Religion of tomorrow book. It's not needed at all. Imo. He does Not talk about third Tier much in integral psychology .

I cleaned up my bookshelf and counted how many books I have and journals, I thought I had more when I stacked them all up and ordered them, some are programming books, some are very small books more like a bundle of pamphlets for e.g of animal activism. So, in total I own 70 books and 9 journals that are handwritten. I do have a couple of notes on OneNote as well as a digital journal and this journal. I will post a picture of the books. I did not read all of them I counted 42 and that is more that I thought of I also have 55 audiobooks I listend to most of them so I am close to about 100 books in physical and audio format that is quite cool. I do have the audible sub for quite a long time I downloaded it when I first heard about PD in 2014/15 so the audiobooks stack up nicely. I bought a book about productivity I will read this today and review my intention as well as move the books to their proper place and fold the pile of clothes next to it lol, and then start programming tomorrow most likely. I definitely want to learn more about productivity I did want to reflect upon something else today. The reason why I want to read the productivity book is because it actually has a chapter about reflection and I like that. I hope the pile of books will stack up sooner or later when I can organize myself better and have some money to buy certain tools and utensiles and a different room.

@lmfao I'd personally prefer the religion of tomorrow I did not finish the book yet, I read it on the side currently. So, I also downloaded the audiobook version to gain more information since it is fascinating again. I'd prefer a Wilber book over Spiral Dynamics I've read both SD books. The description Cream Cat posted are also partially inside the books I took the test that someone posted here from TJ Reeves. If you want to go for integral theory, AQAL, Third Tier so everything above yellow and tourquise, as well as shadow work, buddishm a short description as well as chakra rungs and ladder analogies. I would go for Wilber. Structure Stages, Structure States, State-Stages. Also parts of spiral dynamics so again explanations from archaic to turqouise. It's important to know quadrants, most people don't know them the spiral goes through that also... it's tetra-intracting. Spiral dynamics explains the concept very thoroughly and personally I received more value from Wilber, the Spiral Dynamics book is good for the forum let's say to see who talks crap and only watched the videos for instance and did not even take notes or anything like that or discussed it properly or watched the video again etc. So, it's an in-depth view of only spiral dynamics without third tier, without other researchers or potentially little bit about Susan Cook Greuter (she studied parts of third tier) as well as Kohlberg, Piaget etc is included in the religion of tomorrow. The ideas from Tj Reeves are also concluded from many books and history, so I do see this as true. A friend of mine who studied political science with sociology explained similar stuff from anthropology lectures. Which you can easily come up with when you know more of integral theory, yet I thought you know all of this stuff already. Still all of this is my opinion feel free to choose what suits you !

@Jkris Yes, I agree to get rid of various sins that are obstacles on the path, it's quite difficult. To not be a sinner in that sense. Especially when looking at the four stages of enlightenment as OP mentioned latently.

@Leo Gura lol that is true. Yet, I still can't somehow believe that they act out on these impulses and that all of it resides in the unconscious I really do hope shadow work works, I've listend to a lot of content about it and did the pratices very actively for 2 years almost. Especially with psychdelics writting down tendencies of deeply buried treasures residing in the unconscious can come in quite handy. I mean it's better than being a horny mule for the rest of ones life, ever heard mules being horny and screaming for attention ? ... This is horrible the whole dorm yelled at these retarded donkeys. I am suprised since I've heard that monks say it is more difficult to be withheld of social interactions instead of sex and apparently that is supposed to be easier. I don't condem Culadasa it's unfortunate I really did like him a lot. Now I don't know what to think. I'll definitely remember that surivial does not stop lol !

@ardacigin Yes, it is possible, but does not answer my question at all. I asked why does this happen over and over again and was curious if shadow work or what Wilber recommends works. I can attest for it also using psychdelics in combination with shadow work can unbury some hidden gems regardless of what it might reveal about yourself, what you don't like. Yes, spiritual pratices help with recognizing or becoming aware of behaviour, still the subconscious runs very deep. Most people don't do a shadow practices and therefore miss that line, Wilber also mentions there is a 3-2-1-0 pratices which helps with emotions. So I was curious or would be curious if for e.g Culadasa or some other person like Sasaki Roshi would go to a therapist and do shadow work, if they could stop their behaviour completely, and indulge in a healthy version of it somehow. I don't think that this is to radical or to open-minded for a spiritual master to be in a different form of relationship, if it does not suit him or his style of personality. Yet, I could be biased. It's unfortunate to hear something like this again, since I liked Culadasa a lot and binge watched his patron Q&A's.

@Leo Gura Why do you think these sexual-misconducts and scandels are happening over and over again, I mean Ken Wilber recommends shadow work for this and I've read that he beated his wife on a spiritual wiki site and he admitting doing it. I am sort of disappointed that it often goes to such extremes, I'd rather have a spiritual master admitting he is poly and gay, than being corrupted by their past, desires etc.. Are there even any enlightend people who did not this ?

Okay, I finally got to my journal for now otherwise it will be to late. I definitely got distracted today by the forum, posting HC stuff. Otherwise a short more or less performance reflection. At the internship I was not able to get anything done, because I was stuck in their "meeting" but I could have just left, still I am a bit scared to assert myself when my position is safe, I could do it I know the principles (some of them) of being assertive and the body language also, so I am using that. Yet, I become very vulnerable, so this takes some courage from my side which I'd like to work on. I'd love to have some couragous friends. Otherwise, restructuring my appartement, I want to order my books my size and content instead of having them in the shelf they are quite a few not to many to say I am a bookworm or anything like that but enough to impress one person from my major. 50-60 books or so I did not read all of them. I am more of an audiobook junkie, since there are more opportunities to listen to that with the flexiblity that I am demanded to display because of the freaking hill and living alone. I do not have a lucky occasion where my roommate cooked some food like my old roomate in China did, so I can't do that. I will review the intention tomorrow for the programming habit and start just by tracking it again and reading the process. This is important I still strugle with priorities. The root cause are my routines and habits, my vision and my life purpose as well as my living situation etc. I schedule my week and or day often, not daily because my situation is so lax, that I am not required technically to do any of this. I still want to do it. I wrote down my monthly "appointments" and "arbitary deadlines". I am still a bit clueless as to how to increase my conscientciousness, I figured so far that my enviroment could cue me to be conscientcious. I watched JP's lecture about this a plan is very good and stick to it. That is what I can take out of that without just enjoying a fun and very informative lecture. So, I do have a lot of time, the hour that I am sleeping longer in the morning is killing an early start, therefore I can go to bed later and programm for a hour longer, with the other schedule I can go 1h home earlier ... So... that is that I could talk and talk and talk and talk. HOLY FREAKING ELEPHANTASTIC DEMON TURTLE, I did not invent the demond turtle ! My friend did on the bike ride, I still want to share the fruitloop boat story... Anyway... I will go to bed now and fold all of my "residually left" clothes and order the books in my bookshelf. Root causes that disturbe my programming habit: -> Having to go back home or wanting to go back home just for some water.... no fking joke, it's the best way. -> Not having a clean room -> Not treating it as a nr1 priority as important and urgent -> Not having food prepared and knowing what to eat -> Being distracted by the internet -> Having not a habit that follows it but, I have the tea routine. -> Potentially my orderliness -> Having a lot of social contacts !!! Helps with industriouness, so chat at work ! Chat at the gym ! Chat and take the opportunity to meet people, eat their food, say they have a nice butt, whatever yet get social ! -> Take the future authering programm There are some things that are in my way that are small, I also want to do a shadow work session about small things, small things trigger me more than bigger things according to Eckhart Tolle I would have an inflated ego, and this is partially the case, I wonder what is inside this treasure.

@Zigzag Idiot Yeah, the idea is yours ! I'll share my favorite interviews, I don't know to many people on BatGap potentially others have favorites too and can share them and if people have time they can watch them fully. The Ken Wilber interview is also great.

Sample https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCw1z4NRJrjWwmFT8Jncgvsg There is more he is well-known in self-help because of his book the way of superior men, I enjoyed his book ( in audio format) enlightend sex a lot.

I am currently at the internship I will take my 10 minutes of a so called deep break. What do I want to write about ? Results of the last week. I programmed for 50 mins 4 times after work this week. On the weekend I went cycling and back home. I threw away a bunch of clothes. Came back home and was involved in the usual chaos of my family. I worked out 4 times including the bike ride. So, all in all. It was decent I could have done more, yet I am not very passionate about anything it is very difficult for me when my enviroment does not allow me to follow my natural passions as well as it has been denied by my past behaviour as well as people not supporting me properly. The times where I was supported properly I went through the grind and received good results. Yet, my decision making is no always on top. I do generally make better decisions now and try to execute upon my premonitions, instead of just relying on flukes and hope. I still question if I take enough action. Some people generally have a stronger drive and I am interested in so many topics, this was since I was little. I can reflect upon that 1000x times the point is now. I want to take action regardless of perceived pain or comfort. I do have a very strong confort mentallity still, depending on the situation etc. I am still not used for instance theoretically working 10 hours a day or so is a lot. And I don't know how I can get much done with 8h a day and then pursuing a hobby like working out and then coming back home and eating etc. Preparing food takes time and I simply don't have the money to buy myself a car and drive around or a big enough kitchen. I forgot now over the weekend to take a giant pot with me, because it has been quite hectic. Financial struggle has been a theme that has been running through my life for quite a while. I am still clueless besides receiving education or doing some part-time job etc to deal with that and also mindset etc. Still, my family never took on a financial responsibility to the degree needed. It's tedious and makes people way to comfortable, just having a job. Is pure shit or feeds into comfort mentallity. Or being "little". You go back home, do some tiny stuff you enjoy and don't aim big. Aiming "big" taks a lot of work I never thought I'd have to do, yet at the same time it's not that much. Time is up. The timer will block the website.