ValiantSalvatore

The retreat is over. I certainly dont think I will become enlightend as a stream-entrer during a weekend retreat, I dont doubt that it can happen, yet generally this approach that I am undertaking is more gradual. There was one embarrassing moment where I unmuted myself even though I did not press anything, normally I have to press * and then the number 6 on the phone to unmute myself and speak. Yet, I just clicked on the button and I did not think that it would unmute me tbh neither Shinzens nor Chô did. As far as I understand and know anyway, there was a german girl speaking I could tell because of her accent and something just rubbed me the wrong way and I said I could puke, meaning I could puke listen to her. Because she does not understand her own bias. To be a bit more deeper about this. And ta-da. I was unmuted, after that I just heard muted and I thought wth just happend and went away from the phone I was embarrassed, yet I had to laugh so hard since my intuiton on this is seldom, so seldom wrong. I would lick a DMT-Toad and not become high. So, that was embarrssing otherwise two people reacted a bit more positvely now after a short interaction normally people dont greet me, yet one of them did and the other one was quite positive. Retreat wise still some of the old problems with sitting for longer periods my mind becomes a bit dull and I become tired. Also, not being able to sit in a lotus and having to use a chair is a bit annoying mentally, a burmeese position I cant maintain for to long without moving much and hurting my limbs etc. Because I get to that point and it hurts a lot. So, I afterwards for instance I am not able to walk for 2-5 minutes because my legs hurt, I am not very flexible, yet still very fit. So, this is another ego trigger for me. Next, I had a very clear more upacara like "samadhi" experience I was very highly concentrated so that I felt my brain this time not the cerebellum with a lot of flow, yet the prefrontal cortex ? definitely the upper part of my skull near the top. So, that was quite intense it felt at one point similar to dying ?? Again... And otherwise it was just intense concentration more in the upacara not moment to moment awarness so single pointedness of concentration. That is about it not sure what I will reflect about. For this retreat besides that I am still not very familar with more advanced concepts that Daniel Ingram also uses. Such as arising and passing and Shinzens expansion and contratction. I mean I do get it, yet its like "Pustekuchen" the english translation is weird. Meaning fiddlesticks. So, anyway besides shitty turquoise intuition and wanna be manifestations that I completely do not understand and Id rather have some explanations for this from my family. I am very much inclined to go the the gym again. I constantly hear raven sounds to specific times, that seem way to odd. Similar to my intution detecting peoples failure in sticking to unagreed behavioural conduct. Yet, this is more now observing SD. Its insane how accurate it can be. Especially considering now third tier. Makes a lot more sense about strong intuitives and hatred for the world at least a bit lol. I wanted to also write about one of my friend who strives in his LP, since he released his first paper and was invited to speak at the technical university in Munich in front of 200 people. Very normal , but interesting character. Anyway. That is about it for today. I still have a lot of stuff to do and organize.

I want to write more and think about my current situation especially social life and be a bit more frank and upright about it. I struggle with my old friendships and cant seem to let go of them because I lack options I do have a few friends, yet I dont like their life situation. I also dont like how I am at a disadvantage for this type of stuff, let alone because of skin color and country. Its very important for me to meet progressives like Joe Rogan for instance how are also very down to earth. I am tired of this latent weird thinking that I have to endure based on the average consciouness of low consciouness dirt. This elitism of europe also tends to piss me off, its annoying and makes people very unappealing and generally lets me feel like I am left out. Yet, this is even more apparent in the internet culture more on this stuff soon.

So first day of the retreat is over I meditated in total for 9h that day. I had some weird brain twitches again this time at the neocortex ? I am not sure how large this cortex is it was definitely at the top of my brain, it felt as if a massive shift could occure and that someone would massage a chord inside my brain, that was during my regular practice the do-nothing practice. Otherwise, Shinzen told a story why he is mistrustful of NLP because the founder fked and killed a prostutited and used NLP to manipulate at the court. So, that was interesting and one of his students was at the trial. Otherwise, the modality blast was very good to learn all techniques besides the pain algorithm, definitely helped me with flavours of concentration. I did not ask any questions yet.

This video randomly popped up.

How to be less influneced by the unconsciousness of others ? How to be consistent in a given field ? What not to do to succeed in life ? What not to do to achieve enlightenment ? What is a reaonsonable amount time to meditate each day ? How long should a retreat last ? What are alternatives to retreats ? What about pleasure ? How to pursue it healthily ? What about meditative pleasures such as jhanas ? How neccessary are they for life ? For instance when people want to maximize pleasure ? How to build a more conscious social circle ? How to stay consistent for years ? For instance body building, reading, creating etc. without relying on passion alone. How to be better at survival ? How to spot devils ? Which meditation practices are more of a dead-end ? What is an alternative way to build habits, instead of cue, routine, reward ? Is there a process which would facilitate enlightenment any tool ? brain machine, teacher, guru, group, exercise, book, combination of practices, brain wave and states etc. (Besides psychedelics) How important is concentration for life and increasing it as a mindfulness skill ? Why cant I achieve my goals how to train resistence and persistence ? Why do I sabotage myself if that would lessen my chances for survival ? Is saboatging oneself due to unconsciouness ? What is the difference between unconsciouness and habit forces ? What works for cleansing chakras or producing kriya experiences ? is it shamanic breathing and kriya yoga alone ? Mindfulness also worked once. How important are cleansing practice how long should they be done, or should they be done in short and intense burst. For instance 2h on a weekend or on retreat ? How to lessen the effects of psychdelic backsliding ? How could you impact politics without having a major in political science ? What is behind jealousy, anger, fear, etc. What are their opposites ? For instance anger comes from the eng word to agress which means moving forward towards a goal. What about third tier according to ken wibler ? Are they neccsassry for survival ? Do they exist ? How would they impact my life ? How to not burn out while pursuing career and enlightenment ? (or LP) Why does intuiton warn me and I cant detect what it wants to warn me about ? Hope this is not to much or seems to weird or personal.

I really enjoy this artist.

Now I am in the retreat I did a 2h session now the theme was mind the music so meditating with music. Shinzen mentioned a study friends of him had done somehow connected to the dalai lama a study, and they had 14 year old test subjects that meditated to music because it was an incentive to get adolescents to meditate, because they are either bored or do not like to look weird in front of their peers. As a general non mastering the core teachings of the buddah informed person. I feel concentrated, yet a lot of monkey mind without much chattering, I had some visual flow at the beginning and then it evaporated mostly into energy and concentration, not the visual flow, yet overall the practice session unfolded in that way. Some interesting reports, also from someone... I have to say this for context sake.. is legally blind. So, .. much to progressivsm. Anyway, George Carlin humor would fit here. From the audiobook I do have some gold nuggets, yet its nothing new ? It's hot showers before sleep are very good because apparently the body temperature drops below average after a hot shower and then the body expends energy to heat up the body again and in general 15-30 minutes it takes then to fall asleep or to be more tired lets say. Also there is a y-y peptide that when you eat a lot of protein that inhibts the feeling of hunger or obstrcuts it. So, eating a lot of protein hampers the inclination to consume food and carbohydrates are the best energy deliverant. I bet my english has to sound so fking odd. Most english countries are not very secular. I forgot the cortisol part. Something with CR, which is important for smth. Anyway, ideally i'll remember. Now, Shinzen mentioned the black cassiana which is focus on rest or specifically focus on see rest. So, the grey-scale blank. There is somehow this discussion with cassina practices. I am not sure if I am typing the word correctly, its also very inspiring to listen to shinzen and I definitely feel the drive to learn more. There is also a fire cassina practice were you focus on a candle ? I am not sure Daniel Ingram talks about this, definitely the path of insight and absorption are different. Insight is the classical enlightenment as far as I understand and insights is that what is ? I like Leos blog definition I asked a facilitator and I unfortunately forgot what he said. It was fitting, yet very short. Defintions of insight: (Leos blog) - penetrating mental vision or discernment. - the sudden act of grasping the inner nature or truth of a situation. - a deep understanding of a person or thing. Not sure what else to report, besides that I feel more the quality of a jhanic rest on my hands which I can spread through out the whole body since flow and rest start to feel similar or the energetic quality of rest, shows its flavour in flow. Not a steady point more a steady area that is passed through by a restful energetic veil (barrier). Like chi around the hands, that is restful. Also, its very early. I hope I can rest my sleep well. Otherwise,

1h before the retreat will start. Nothing much to reflect about besides that I made the right choice to go to university, the stubbornes of most average people is just ridiculous. I prefer travelling. Its insane how much people want to perpetuate their narrative me included. Still, I sometimes question how much the average consciouness influences me by being unconscious. Lets see how conscious people will influence my via an online micro-retreat.

@Serotoninluv wtf it was a playlist that was called smth with onion @mandyjw i did not know that, I speculated it works that way lol

@Serotoninluv Why do you listen to this randomly now too ? lol

I can go back to the gym now and go for runs without making the bandage reek of sweet. Otherwise.... I miss my 1h sessions very badly. They define the day for me, maybe that was just the killer after all and I should not have changed the 30 30 min structure. I was definitely not very productive in terms of creating something or just reading etc. I am not sticking to what I say because I feel nobody cares in general, so I can just do what I want and still nobody cares, till I piss them or smth. pisses them into the soup. Now when I meditate for 1h, I am on the go. I know that now, it defined my whole day the whole time and I never noticed. I have a wristband now for the challenge from Leo, I will most likely be able to fully go back to the gym in 2 weeks to 1 week. So, I will just go for 30 min runs. On the treadmill. I am not sure if I will do it tomorrow, I am not keeping my word. I also did not find any information till now from the audiobook and the 50p. long pdf. All I know for now is that even if it still feels dreadful to meditate its the most important thing to get my day started. The audiobook did have some weird gems. For instance the author mentioned having no friends = creating a cult. Not sure why he said that yet people with less friends tend to be prone to that. I notice that sometimes myself since I do not have all that many after taking spirituality a bit more seriously and wanting to talk about it. They just did not give a fk. Still, I notice more the pressure for me of the real world, and there is a lot of growth still left to do. The question is rather what do I want to do. I could even do a PHD, as insane as this sounds. Yet, they told us people like this are needed, yet when I hear about corporate cult this becomes appealing. I am definitely bored to death by some tasks at the internship, not that they are not difficult, yet it requires effort and dilligence. Well... I will see what will happen after the retreat and now what a single legit 1h session that I did not do for 3-4 weeks only 30 minutes or two 30 minutes sessions can do. I love working, I still feel so bad because I feel I am not competent in programming and the classes I had were not sufficient. I definitely also suffer from lack of social interactions. Yet, ...... I applied for the students council I am in their group, yet I dont like one guy in there and that is enough for me to not visit, same with how I perceive how unconscious they are. I just need a gym a few His and Hellos and I am done with socializing. Its odd. I dont know how to work around this besides abusing a family for my introversion and need of social interaction. I say this sarcastically since I dont really value family much, yet I enjoy its benefits and "permanence". For lack of a better word.

Currently I am fooling myself so hard. I could name and reason with 1000% reasons I bought an audiobook and listend to it while falling asleep i could not sleep so I listened to a good portion of it. It said nothing new, I felt its still a good book, yet Leos course covered almost everything and some of it I found out on my own through journaling. My arm is still not 100 % fit today the 1h meditation session was a pure concentration booster I cant tell if this would be khanika or upcara samadhi.. Still I dont quite get why I am fooling myself and just not try out my schedule even if its not perfect. I feel the gym is missing similar to when I was operated on my knee. I am definitely looking forward to the micro-retreat this weekend. The programms are also very intresting. This time working with music as a special programm so I am definitely looking forward to that.

Booked the retreat. Now on to meditation for today. My sleep schedule has been a mess. Since the last retreat, this guy pissed me off so much. (Facilitator)

I will book now the retreat for the weekend and will make a schedule for the week and weekend to come. I clarified every confusion that occured because of the great great university. Yeahiiiiii. So, Ill still have to work on toxic sarcasm in some form, I rarely do this I basically only do this in my journal or when I feel very very very very very very toxic which is like once a week, where I be very sarcastic where I cant tell is this toxic or just sarcasm. I will additionally do my behaviour change meditation and just implement my structure, I know how it works. To get up early I need to be in bed around 10pm. So I can wake up at 6 or 06:30. Especially with the gym now coming back I want to schedule my time otherwise it will be difficult to reach my goals. I did not work out for now over a week. I dont see or feel much changes because of this, yet last week I only went 3 times or so. Before I went to the doctor. Also, I will clean my room today and make another set of laundry and get all of my clothes and hang them up. I will do this before i meditate the behaviour change meditation for 30 minutes. i have a plan for 6 weeks on my whiteboard for this behaviour change thing. I did want to try the sedona method. Working on my laptop is more productive since I have the time blocker app. Now what else ? Today was just a positive day. I wanted to schedule the day the way I enjoy it the most and that is one thing that I certainly want to do. I also have to re-apply for the gym this semester. So, I will do that on Monday. I will workout or try to workout on Thursday and Saturday. So, I have two buffer days. Besides that. Shit is getting realer and realer. The point is I am still very attached to video games. I am just prone to play out of boredom. I decided to go with a concentration practice of in which ultimately leads to a transcendence of self. So, I will do that. mhh.... I definitely want to trip, but right now is a bad time. Potentially around christmas when I did some good work in the meanwhile, I will focuse on executing my ideal day. So, I want pack it full with studying all the time and will start tomorrow. I will book the retreat now. I checked I did less retreats then I thought I took. I have 3 retreats with shinzen that are 2 days and 2 days at the temple here. The other retreat was in december last year where I did also the 14 day retreat during the summer. So, I actually only have 8 days when I am a bit softer its 10 days. So, I would still have 3 retreats left to got lol !! How strategic do I have to be ? This certainly is worse than I thought. The next step would just be to have a lotus posture to sit in for hours. ... I would have to do 7 retreats a year this way. Over the weekend. I did think about this once, yet I never wrote it down. Well... its smarter to take a retreat for 14 days then to do the weekend retreats. I assume. .... Still the weekend retreats have impact. Shinzen calls them micro-retreats I forget that sometimes. Micro is definitely not macro. They interleave, but well... I am not sure if I am unerestimating life and enlightenment. Is a 1h practice that weak ? I would like to go to a boot camp. I also thought about doing a rohatsu this year, if I can sit in a lotus posture. I can do it without, also anyway. I did not put in a lot of effort writing this text. I presume its pretty unreadable, like my handwritting.

Now the different take on the whole thing is that when you meditate for 3 months in a mahasi sayadah retreat you have a 50% chance of reaching stream entry during that time according to ingram in his interview. I did not read the book yet, I read a few pages yesterday. I did my behaviour change meditation yesterday. Yet, I can just apply mindfulness to my behaviour change. Understanding and emobdiment are truely two different things, I noticed that understanding is great yet I would just build mental castels and I am very good at that. Also again through my practice now it would be good to have a mental castle to reside in and build it from inside out. So, I embody it in real life and day-to-day, month-to-month existence. Gratitude Journal: I am thankful for energy I am thankful for the few friends I have and that they want to do smth with me I am thankful for being bolder than others I am thankful for rain and rainy weather I am thankful for the transient nature of weather I ordered now these wristband I was a little hesitant and will do a belated report. Yet, if Leo does more of these challenge I can partake. Ill leave my sarcasm aside. So, thats that.

So I do have now some quality feedback towards what it takes to reach stream-entry. 7 years of practice with a retreat once or twice a year and a regular practice so from 7 seconds... to 7 years. I heard one guy did it in 5 years with a 90 minute practice. I will most likely go back on the weekend and give my friend his laptop back as well as do the retreat at home from Shinzen Young. So, there will be not much to do on the weekend and I have the mandatory 14 days to reach it even in 7 years of practice. Here is a different take on the whole spiel. Note: read this article. https://www.fitnessmagazine.com/health/pain-relief/how-to-reduce-inflammation-for-workout-recovery/

Gratituide Journal: I am thankful for time. I am thankful for enjoying life. I am thankful to soon get back into the gym. i am thankful for inspiration. I am thankful for music and leos new video. I dont have a rubberband or smth. similar and I dont have an object that could remind me, besides putting a pen in my pocket or so. I certainly am suprised when I go low consciouness how low other peoples consciouness generally is. Still, I feel I matured somehow which makes it a bit odd to find people with common views. The forum is great just as a reminder that I am not alone on this path, and certainly others put in more hours into their work than me. So, I decided to try even that I know its impossible to live now my "perfect" life as far as I can and enjoy it to the fullest. I will most likely use this journal a lot too, since I need something to express myself, I never thought that I talk so much, when something gets serious. My laptop will arrive tomorrow, I generally contemplate the seasons besides spring and summer, so I try to take some pondering walks and just wonder, yet I am not sure if I can do the exercise Id have to order a rubberband and I already did not pick up my last order out of pure complacency to not walk down to the post office for 1h to get some stupid parcel. I was somehow pissed again and shoot myself in the foot. I .. seriously hate the infrastructure of this region, that I tend to forget the meta level.. sometimes. Yet, all in all alls still good. Yet, its interesting I was about to write nothing changed, yet I am supposed to observe impermanence.

Next week Ill be able to go to the gym, I am in my break now and there is nothing left to do besides I could meditate I sometimes do that because I live close by and so I can just go back home and meditate or join a programm etc. Even though I feel like I am a poor pig, I feel as good as never before. I certianly have to work on a "chemical" level more now than a psychological one, the supplements the doctor described for me to heal the inflammation are supplements not medicine. I already think that is insane what can be done with health nowadays. I dont think I will read much this year and put in more work instead, working on projects learning more about productivity and managing my own projects better, using time boxing more efficiently and planning, so the usual logistics for me. I now know how and what to do for the other two lectures, yet stil I did not receive any feedback from the professors. This year will mainly be about gym,projects, university, discipline etc. So, I can come closer to my LP. I certainly am doubting it because I did not clarify it specifically and had to do it broadly because my interest range is boradly I know what I dont want, yet I want to focus on what I want. So, I want to check for different universities besides the one id like to go to. I would definitely like to avoid some common traps, like working long hours, and constant repitition. I dont know why, yet it seems that I raised my popularity level based on the fact that I do a lot more sports, that it is so extremely cultuarlly valued here is insane not speaking about health. Health seems to be the ultimate. So, what ? Shinzen Young released his new app, yet I have to pay for it. I could us it next year. Now a list of struggles I have currently. - Ordierliness - Lack of life purpose drive - Repetition - (Industriousness) - Not enough knowledge - Doubting my own inner understanding - Lazyness - Not planning properly currently. - Feeling drained after taking a lot of action. - feeling the need of external reward, disliking the dryness of intrinsic rewards. Now, after I watched 10k videos again. I found one insight how I could induce kriya experiences without practicing kriya I can cleanse my body through fasting only one day a month and meditate a lot during that time. So, 24h fast could facilitate cleansing. This was from some yogi guru who was an absolute cult leader I could not believe it. ( Sarcasm applied) So, I feel more higher purpouse, I feel more higher learning, yet I am certainly struggling with hormones and knowing how my "vehicle", "robot", "gestalt", "body", "entity" functions, this is fundamental to know how for instance dopamine would impact my behaviour drive, instead of following some methods. I do think this goes deeper, a dopamine fast could be a good idea to make cues more vulnerable to rather smoother pleasureable tasks that take dilligence to accomplish. Postponing my ideas about enlightenment and knowing what is achievable could be replaced by first building the most stable fundament I can build, that would include, healthy diet, flexible posture, a lot of discipline, right mindset, proper use of time and energy, taking sleep seriously, waking up early, sports, meditation. I will keep my meditations focused on two 30 minute segements even though I do not like it at all. Hm... I would rather love to do 45minutes and 30 minutes at night or just 15 at night. Yet, I am talking so much about my approaches here, and I sort of cant identifiy with it somehow. I know most strategies to changing behaviour, I just quit to often after applying them. So, how can I not quiet ? A successful attempt with honesty intentions is definitely a great place to be at, yet still why do I quit ? - To much work - Mind creating excuses - Wanting to go back home - Lack of social interactions - Video games - Not getting out of bed - No routine, no habits. Creating a bed time routine is more difficult than lifting more than 100 kilograms of weight, why am I and others so self-destructive ? I cant delay rewards very well, I tend to be rather impulsive. Meditation helped with that tremendously, yet I how can I not quit ? Accountability ? Helps definitely. Just doing it ? Helps 100% Not listening to others. Helps a gazillion %. Finding others to work with. Yes. Yet, what can I do alone ? I want to become like Arnold. Yet, I have to work on my accent. I thinks its a phase just go to the gym and fk everything else. The structure is fine. Small tweaks etc. Can be changed sometime else. - I want more knowledge in specific areas. Time is limited. I am not sure what I can even do.

My meditations after the retreat have been slacking I mainly attribute this to the new structure I want to adopt while not being to long at the dorm. I still meditate yet mainly only 25-30 minutes for some reason. I feel more concentrated than ever before. I just feel its either "to much" conscious action or "to much" unconscious action" and this could be a balancing phase, yet I could easily fool myself. Still, there is no real reason besides me being lazy at the moment of not taking more action. It could be something so simple such as, not being able to go to the gym, not cleaning my appartement, not shaving myself. Its insane how much these tiny things impact me somehow. Gratitude Journal: I am thankful for the kind surgeon. I am thankful for rain and enjoying its sound. I am thankful for guided meditations. I am thankful that I can do sports in a week again. I am thankful that I dont feel to much fear at the moment and generally act courageously.

@OctagonOctopus He wrote a couple of books. I enjoyed "The Wisdom of Insecurity". Yet, I mostly listen to audiobooks, unfortunately it was not spoken by him. (Audible version of the book) https://www.alanwatts.org/books/

Gratitude journal: I am thankful for starting to believe more in myself. I am thankful that other people whish me success instead of failure I am thankful that I feel more concentration during meditation I am thankful that I can study I am thankful that I feel that I reconnect back to something more fundamental, than myself.

I am surely getting lazy with my writing "skills", yet I am hungry and did not drink much, did not sleep enough, did not take any nootropics, did not meditate yet, and I am not using a real journal where I am a bit more careful, since it feels more like a craft. Still, I know its not very good, but fine it has been worse before I started journaling and I notice I think 3-4 steps ahead before I actually write what I want to write, and I have difficulties following my own track of thoughts. Well well if psychdelic insights are partially true, I could blame a lot of people for not developing me properly. Yet, I take it with a grain of salt and take responsiblity for my life, instead of lamenting about petty stuff. Still, its a bit annoying that Julie Zeh dysotopian books and psycho pass seem so real for me now. That it will be inevitable for the future to not life like this in a Yellow/Green transitioning phase. Yet, this is my imagination having fun partially.

Now I have an inflammation in my arm the doctor send me to an emergency surgeon in case the orthopediest would not have been there. So, he was not there I walked there he looked at it with a sono graphic unit. And I appreciate him for giving me competent and feedback while being interested in the subject and humans themselves, he was amazed by my triceps and I am amazed how long it takes to build a proper body in case you do things wrong. The trial and error process is definitely longer then I expect and I can generally expect this now for all projects, this is safer. Otherwise I cried again yesterday, I can most likely workout properly again within a week, because I changed my workout regiment, yet the gym here is still suboptimal, I figure running would be the best thing. Still there are some very buff people, yet its really 1% or so. Therfore, I am unsure how effective my training is cause I am in the semi-buff category. Sometimes I ask myself if I am fooling myself. Shinzen yesterday talked about his problems and I think I listend to the first time to someone who hit the casual stage and as an INTJ ( she I presume) and she said she felt like a beginner again and she witnessed the dark knight of the soul, yet the flatline version of it. Shinzen talked a bit about his problems and I never thought for instance that he said the firs thing when he wakes up is that he does not want to get out of bed. Like seriously lol ! That is one reason also he did this behaviour change therapy I presume, yet most importantly he sounded like a good old friend of mine who I still very much like, yet he never listened to me. He fked his degree because of this and I dont know what he is currently doing. I stil wish I had someone more successful then me which is not difficult by any standards in my immediate enviroment, just to be enticed to strive towards something larger than myself. Peers sure there are enough, yet not family. Friends the small part that I have are more successful than me and I appreciate that a lot. This will definitely still be a theme for the next year, especially financially. Yet, now my focus will be upon getting my bachelors and applying to universities where I want to do my masters.

@Bennn Since I took action on most of the things besides organizational things like re-watching video xyz. Yes, definitely I can steadily check how far I made progress when I write about life cirucmtstances it gives me clear sight on where I am bullshitting myself and where I am taking action, especially online its interesting. I increased mainly my gains in the gym and created a habit of going to the gym, and I find journaling generally helps me with emotionally expressing and venting, while not hurting particulary anyone, and clarifies my thinking. Its quite funny how I feel understanding and knowledge are two different things, yet this is mainly for self-understanding. I already journaled 4 years approx. before starting this journal with "real" journals. So, mostly the benefits are for me emotional, understanding myself and my thought process, expressing myself and clear sight upon what can go wrong and what worked. Its a good tool for refelection, yet I dont use it as Leo intends to use it. I never tried Leos version iirc. Its also good for testing self-help techniques since you need to write things down very often. Like a gratitude journal, cbt, or shadow work. This is mainly what I did. So, yes it helps indefinitely, yet its not a super-ultra life changer, yet it helps to change how I live my life.

The new semester will start pretty soon. I refelected already upon the old semesters and see how I can structure my day more approriately, tomorrow I will go to the doctor to check what happend to my arm. I will see how much I can do my meditations definitely feel like they are working again now, I will clean up my appartement and shave myself and re-create the most successful structure and then go about it ! I hope I can phrase it like this. I certainly like the IT people more than any other group of people, Ive meet so far. Engineers are also freaking cool, and other social sciencies especially also. Yet, this is now rather useless and rather a preference. I will see how well it goes and will keep trying to find a succesful structure I thought about re-taking the lp course I took a lot of notes and keep going through them, the sleeping habit thing is a bit tricky. Yet, I figure it is normal and I accept my current structure and start to see how I can chip away at it with tiny changes and use the 30 minutes positive meditation routine. I am not sure if I wll attend to october retreat. I will have to finish the report from the internship soon too. I know when the projects have to be finished till next year so I have again a lot of time on my hands. So, I will see how far I can change myself again during that time. I definitely want to keep my outer structure more clean, so I am prompted to work more.