ValiantSalvatore

@Heinrich Faust No, I can't effectively I talked to someone in a party who understands politics a bit more critically than me, so more to members who are working in the background and are interesterd in reforming. So I am being educated mostly. When I bring up integral stuff the person mostly agrees. Yet, there is no "real moderate" approach currently the morality line is quite green all are equal all lives are equal etc in most parties as well as there will be a bunch of emotional line shadow coming from academia. This is where I think mostly and I am going to be highly biased(also based on experiene) here LGBTQIA+ are more open about this I'd have to watch politics more, yet it really triggers some shadows especially red which I find is often also quite active in the far-left/leftist members. One reason why volt seemed interesting because this is about creativity.... and creating culture not hedonic decadence as well as proper sort of yellow understanding of building interests that are tailored to an individual from a multi-systemic point of view... More eudaimonia. I'd have to observe members more fully and research them in order to find a larger picture. Just please no Marx, I don't know how often that guy was misunderstood like how it was in Cambodia and Paul Pots. I don't know how you can concot such ideas lol. Reading a bit about anarchy gave me some good ideas why a local to global approach is not going to work. As well as going to Muesums etc. (Bolechevists etc.) Also, I do think that besides going into policy that the Green we have is quiet healthy and not the "meme" U.S Green so a proper LL dialouge can happen. As long as there are rules and there is mutual understanding, unfortunately you can't skip stages. Yet, according to research from and I gurantee I will not be able to find this is mostly from audiobooks and books from Wilber. You can't skip stages so a healthy and proper green with healthy and proper blue and some more healthy orange would help Germany a lot. Nothing new yet Baden-Wuerttemberg seems to be doing very well as a state and is a Black/Green state. Also, it's orange seems super healthy not like here in Rhineland-Platinate. I use the term moderate in the sense of sharing ressources so there is enough for everyone to build their own interests. At best without fluff and a focus on functionality without erudite behaviour. Also the LINGO bias is very strong. You can be a stage red nazi morally and have stage turqouise lingo. The line is independent of what constitutes to full-blown stage yellow (teal). Which is mostly IIRC cognitive, emotional and moral. ROT and the audiobook Kosmic Consciouness does have some infos. I don't know I can't follow an individual it triggers my american bias of going on a man hunt lol. I can't really name members. Many are cognitively yellow, yet looking at policies Volt looks promising as well as some stuff of the Greens, I don't know what effectively is feasable. On a global scale, because I lack the exptertise there. Unsure if this is prolific in any sense of understanding, yet thank you for sharing the info on volt ! Really am in favour of this party now, most of the other stuff is so long-established there is no growth and constant fighting not a proper dialog. Also I am very tired of veganism and vegterianism being of high moral value. ("Pride") I would ask you what are for instance policies that are more stage yellow/teal ? I mean especially many will go crazy over this in western countries... https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bolschewismus "Durch diesen voluntaristischen Ansatz, wonach die Revolution durch das Planen und Handeln der revolutionären Elite herbeigeführt werden müsse, unterscheidet sich der Bolschewismus vom Denken Marx’, der deterministisch ein beinahe naturnotwendiges Eintreten der Revolution bei entsprechender Entwicklung der Produktionsverhältnisse vorausgesagt hatte.[3]" Most of this is just stage blue focus. Production means are mostly manipulated by lower classes, because of a lack of proper social mobility. This is why I think a healthy green is more appropriate without having studied this in depth. Ideally with some Yellow laws !

Fuck man I love Wilber . Volt looks pretty good. What about the Freie Wähler ? They seem like a stage orange shadow outlet for older people. With some healthy blue as well as with some green ideas, futurism. Everything that is stage blue idealogical (unhealthy) is scary as hell. Seeing Frau Weidel dancing in the Bundestag is one of the most funniest stage blue role playing agendas I have seen. The windmills are the cause of all evil ! (Red shadow) Imagine we would be americans. This would be so genius. I've read the election program of the Greens/SPD/Volt/Freie Wähler/CDU. Never thought there is a somewhat yellow party ? I don't fully grasp what is considered yellow as a truely multi-systemic approach. I like it that they are interested in LL, UL, LR in case this makes sense from integral theory. I don't know what approach they have for a UR and if this is even possible they definitely seem more inclusive than Greens. I dislike this sort of upptity stance of in-group green bias there are also some yellow thinkers in the party obviously. As well as I fear they could be to lenient. My top 3 results from the Wahl-O-Mat are Demokratie in Bewegung Grüne V-Partei³ I like it that the Green party is at least has the balls to change legislature even in their election program as well as they are very transparent. I watched this fully. It's interesting to observe the spiral stages as well as the Bundestag itself.

Berlin is a good place, yet that already could be to much info ?. Yes, the netherlands have smart shops for shrooms have never been to one.

Yeah, I am a normal high-end psychopath

@fopyloThe book enlightend sex from David Deida goes a bit deeper and has guided instructions in audio format when doing it alone. As well as with a partner. The book has different exercises and I did not read it entirely yet. For example when a person can easily breath into his/her belly the person is able to easily have an genital orgasm. But has trouble letting go. So, breathing up the spine and having a "full body orgasm" can be an issue for this person. This is how it is for me. I practiced this a bit, yet find it difficult to have orgasms like this also sometimes my entire body feels so slughish I can't think afterwards properly.

Rolling your eyes back into the skull can help with orgasm. When near orgasm that goes up the spine.

@Spiral Thanks I'll take that to heart. It felt good to know that his was on a positive basis and there are no resentment. I don't know cried 3 times today.

I initiated via online-dating a virutal date which is recommended to do in a rather greenish book. The girl is quite compassionate and is very interesting from all the advice I've read I am interested to know how I can move this on to smth. in person, as well as to create an enjoyable dating experience. The person lives 1h drive away, it's not to far we are both busy, and I ran this scenaroy a couple of times in my head, this is again ideal for both parties. My goal is to meet her in person and basically initate an intimate relationship with her. She is very attractive, I am suprised it happens that way. Seems very high quality. Would appreciate proper executable advice. Besides asking questions which I can get from an advice booklet. What can I do here to create attraction and get into a relationship with this girl, like she is totally my type and I do feel a bit scared. What I will do: Meditate and set an intention. Focus on that I lead and she is having fun, she is along for the ride Being playful. Not talking to much. Asking high quality and fun questions, which I will get from the booklet. Close the date to a maximum of 1-2h otherwise it will be to much. Initate a second date. I thought about also adding some fun games which you could play online and change the time of the date to 19:00 instead of 14:00, so she could have a drink etc. As well as I presume it's more fun and more open at night. Also, we could play some casual online fun game, like draw and guess. To sort of get into the action date phase. I appreciate feedback from other members who have been in a similar scenario too, that would be great. @Leo Gura What would you personally recommend in this scenaroy ? Is this set ? Any tricks that are applicable ? Any good way to build attraction via a virtual conversation ?

Update: I talked to the girl for 1h+ we hit it off quite well I asked her a couple of questions from a the book that I am reading about dating, as well as from a psychologist who frames 26 question to fall in love. I prepared a small game for entertainment, also asked her if she is interested in drinking smth. So she poured in a glass of wine. Also, a good amout of similar interests. The women was also high caliber, becoming a doctor at an excellent uni. Very attractive and outgoing. So far I've read the book of pook, the 4 books from eben pagan double your dating etc. As well as one book I order from amazon which has a good rating. TLDR - I received her phone number - She said not to romantic interest after the date - I will have another date with a women this saturday (virtual) Any ideas what I can improve upon ? I thought I did well on the attraction part, yet I had a hard time to make her laugh. She made me laugh a lot. What did I learn ? Do not talk about my own romatic experiences or what I romanticise. Create more attraction and show romantic interest. I thought I did well, yet I presume I was not sexual enough. I don't quiet know how I can be sexual via an virtual date. I could have asked her smth. yet I am clueless when it comes to bridging. Create romantic interest to the women. Any ressources on how to be more romantic/sexual ? I seriously have issues with this. YouTube Videos etc. Anything that is non-toxic is welcome !

@lmfao Fking hell this is so funny because it's wrong. Unfortunate that there is legit a psychology. I often feel though I am criminally asymptomatic being a fool can backfire hard lol. To real will get yo ass in jail bruh. lmao

@lmfao I love your for writting this shit lmao

@Preety_India Oh, yes it's my mother tounge. I am happy that you enjoy the language.

@Alysssa You can make the simply rule, if you make an identity out of it it's going to be ego involved. Not being open-minded that you are wrong. As well as neglecting past wounds. Also, having a healthy ego is perfectly fine IMO, in spiritual circles having an unhealthy ego mainly causes issues. Also, not working on goals that are ego-based / survival based doing that is absolutely fine, creating financial independence etc. When you spend to much time not creating a life that has a solid ground for spiritual work and you escape into spirutal work, you can notice that it's spiritual bypassing / spiritual ego. Emotional issues being neglected. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_bypass There are other tools, yet even some are meditative so you can work around that issue a bit if you enjoy meditation, yet what mostly happens nowadays is I presume survival neglect. Not creating a stable life that allows spiritual growth etc. The enneagram for instance is used to become aware of vices people have which is included in integral theory, so you can check where as an individual you have a bias. Also, how spiritual bypassing can occure. Dealing with real life issues is important, I've spiritually bypassed myself, so it's not the best thing to do.

I usually don't post in journals. Krafklub is pretty good, love it that you found something you enjoy ! That I can relate too .

@EternalForest I will see what will happen, I can talk to much, also although people tell me 99% it's very interesting. I feel I loose in playfulness, I will adjust and look at some good examples on how to create attraction for a second date in person.

@ertopolice Not possible. I will stick to the advice from the book and report ideally. See what will happen. The advice above is not feasiable.

Fell prey to working with a guy during a group assignment to his Spiel. He explained me his dating scam and in the end I sort of trusted him, because at least he was honest about scamming people. We worked together and he received good intel from others, because many just keep information hoarding. He kicked me out of our group, because my phone was unable to make proper pictures because the stabilizor of the camera did not work. Never spoke with the dude again, ignored him. Even though he helped me a lot, he already scammed needy males presenting himself as a women online to make 10k+ in value allegedly seeling undies. He even talked to a friend who studies law and thought this was fine. Definitely learned stay clear of corrupt people with corrupt intentions and make a real effort to befriend uncorupt people with good/honest intentions. Bargaining classic, was out with a friend bargaining we sort of "swindeled" convinced the guy in China because he believe we are a couple for a cheaper price, I went in alone and bargained, was not able to make a deal. Learned that bias is important to others, as well as gaining skill in bargaining takes alot of effort. Online education and certificates just found out that I could have taken the same certificate for a cheaper price, via cousera.org the list of courses just changed this offer. Check if a multiple sites offer the same course, instead of trusting first page google reviews that are updated regularly. There are even coupons. Friendships trusting others with their levels of acceptance only to see that their worldview is completely different and toxic, and considerably disgusting. Not open-minded not able to speak about possibillites and strong investment into self-survial. See who is truely open-minded regardless where people are from and you will find valid support and honest support as well as win-win relationships, instead of hedonic pleasure seeking swindlers. To benefit mutal self-survival. Swindeling myself by believing that I am more developed more integrated than others cherry picking evidence for my own ego gain, distrupting my own friendships calling names/cursing, unable to handle own personal power / "advantage". Build a healthy ego with compassionate and social people who have similar values and or open to give and take feedback. Amazon selling products in a products operation internship had to take care of other sellers not actively overwritting shippind adresss and company name of our products in the company I worked in, otherwise customers can buy the product and will receive smth. completely different. We are not making profit and they got scammed by some d*cks who were not interested about caring for the customer. We could also loose reputation if we re-list the product under the same "listing". Keep track of what you value and nuture that. There are other examples these are fine for now.

I created my profile, will update my progress in my journal. I was not able to buy the advice for 20 bucks, so I took some free stuff and patched it together. Will update my progress in my journal.

I've read one book about online dating and took some action on what was good advice on the forum. As well asked around to see what worked for others. I know which two plattforms I will use for online dating which is Bumble as well as OkCupid. I can summarize what I've learned from notes for others. Yet, be mindful that I've never put that into practice, so I am unsure if it will work for others. I would highly appreciate advice from others who are more knowledgeable about this area. As well as where I can find high quality ressources to create a profile. Nothing black/red/blue pill stuff, yet something reasonable and applicable. To give an example: Number one thing to have as a man I'd say have a strong life purpose. What I did so far: Did a shooting for high quality profile pictures Read the book of pook a couple of times Read double your dating Tons of notes about sexuality Defined what I want in a partner, I am looking for a girlfriend Know the distinction between first stage, second stage and third stage relationships Read an advisor about online dating Defined a love map of what I am interested in and what qualities I enjoy about a life partner Online Course: 3 drives for everyone of us: Attraction - > desire Romantic - > Infatuation Intimate Bonding -> Where the others feels like family Video: Shy introvert notes: Giving first A little joke some fun Be centered in Yin (masculine energy) Take that energy and bring it towards others Be in a power state neutral Being neutral or having courage is a power state Pride, shame etc. is a low frequency state Don't look for validation Give people energy with your yes let them feel what you are feeling Be willing also and positive Give them a look and let them receive validation from you Book: Double your dating notes, combined with one integral section Open body language Don't smile to often Don't laugh to often Women smell insecurity Go to places where I can find women that I like to hang-out with (online) Set up a great online profile ! Asked a women friend about a picture and tell her to be brutally honest If she is friendly and interested in conversation she is interested Keep advancing Asking for female perspective on things Ask her what it feels like to be a man or what she would do as a men Be cooky and funny Have character intelligenece, humour, integrity, compassionate Be unpredictable Don't accept controlling and demanding behaviour Talk deeper and slower Watch behaviour No means get me more turned on Notice small details, give compliments based on that Something that reminds you of her/him Saying to a women you are beautiful gives her chill ? of deep meaning Smile less when talking to women Women love to figure out what you are really after Tell dirty jokes or start talkin about sex topics Or sex programm on TV ? She wants to sit on your lap ? Say no. Don't be to friendly Be calm and indifferent Misinterpret stuff on purpose for fun ! Make inuendos What is currently funny ? Don't laugh at your own jokes Call her up Go for the number Take her hand Call her friend first Smell her neck for instance in bed, tell her how good she smells Repat and kiss her Women are turned off by arrogant men Unless you are funny and cooky Keep up the hardto get character play Never look for a long-term relationship at the beginning Staying cocky and funny is important Humour mixed with arrogance wrecks havoc Don't be logical Tell them they make a nice friend Don't do what all the other guys are doing Never give her what she exatcly wants and ask for (polarity) Send mixed singals always ( unsure about this one) Never be predictable Spank her, tell her you are here for fun ! Is she having fun ?! Laughing, smiling. Tell her if she asks something superficial, do you have a list of questions that only superficial women ask ? Make fun of her quirks especially with hot and sexy women Build rapport through imitation Lead the way as well as lead the conversation What is the best option for dating, online dating right now is the best for me for example Don't be clingy have options Don't go for courtship behaviour bring gifts, sending weird texts Women are looking for what other women are looking for Women want you to be in control of the situation, if she throws a tantrum, be assertive and calm. In that sense give her a spank, not physically. You say to her no you call me tomorrow Say no when giving a women a direct answer Tell interesting stories, fascinating history Imagine how she will look like What qualities she has Define what you are looking for a girlfriend ? One-night stand, a friendship, intimate partner etc. A man is needy when he craves attention and recognition Don't talk negatively about women that will make you look insecure Be confident, cooky, funny, creative , intelligent, cultured Positive mindset about negative aspects of your own body for example or mindset Internal self-talk is important Out of 100 women 70 are not interested Get a tounge cleaner, use a deodorant Use power of sub-conscious mind to attract who you want Drama,games are normal parts of dating Games test loyality and commitment Don't let her get away with being a brat, treat her like you would your best friend Don't suck up being nice this is a test to see if you are commited She would rather sleep with a rich man, then with a faithful looser. You make her feel she reacts to you ! Make a women feel good inside How would I talk to make a women feel good ? How would I walk to make a women feel good ? Invoke emotions that enrich her desire Look for authentic emotions Enjoyable attraction What are your feminine aspects of you ? What are masculine aspects of you ? Strengths and weaknesses Book: Double your Dating, Topic sex: Be soft and gentle Take your fingers run it over her head,neck Don't touch her breast Kiss her sensually then kiss her 100 times around neck and shoulders softly Talk slowly and sexy with a deeper voice ( takes practice I am definitely not here ! There is more: I have a lot of notes on this, yet never wrote an abstraction about higher levels of sexual polarity, because this is not a priority in my life right now, I've already defined stuff for myself. Looking for high quality ressources to create an awesome online dating profile ! Would love it if someone could share their ressources !

I was looking for specfic advice and or a ressource on how to create an online dating profile, this was just what I shared and saw, as well as regarded as a higher consciouness ressource. The video above is good, yet I've found a way to get solid advice for 20 bucks. In that sense and I am not looking for hardcore advice, as well as a bootcamp. I will look up what I find on the internet for free and buy the 20$ advice for online dating.

I'll see what I find on the net and create my own guide in that sense. @SamC I've read that including values is supposed to be good, as well as being a bit cheeky. I don't feel taken seriously. Can you give me a proper answer ? This is quite important to me, so incase there are some better ressources out there, it would be nice if someone would share them. Obviously, Eben Pagan has online dating tools, yet I am currently not interested to spend money for a course.

Any tips in this regard, I even spoke to my psychologist and she gave me a go, based on what I currently experience meeting new people would definitely help me in advancing my personal growth in this area. So... would highly appreciate some good res, so I can find a high quality mate. Are there any positive ressources available here ?

I definitely long to fruther elaborate on my situation and give some feedback on what I did as well as what I learned from my experience. This might seem a bit harsh, yet facing a different reality is difficult for people to understand most often. I will boil this down as comprehensively as possible and as honestly as possible. I'd appreciate any feedback from any member and mods. I'd rather underpromise and overdeliver at this point. Positive insights: Discipline working 8-10h a day makes me the most happy as enneagram type 4 Anahatta chakra is blocked (typically as enna 4) Micro-retreat gave me insight into what Leo called once omniscence Doubting Leo's forum because it seems like an amalgamation of enneagram type 4's Knowing that knowing the enneagram helps with spiritual bypassing Knowing I bs'd myself with my LP taking less action, because I presumed I know everything, yet did not take action Working with positive people makes me happy Transparaency is key to finding highly conscious friends and partners Highly enthusiatstic about the fractal nature of reality Synchronistic events turning more into synchrodestiny Understanding female nature more and how important a dialog is and why debates don't work Understanding power dynamics from a higher level and why debates in an "I-space" won't work Ego is the root cause of 80% of my suffering and problems in life Antagonism based on identity is far from over Noticing that not contribuiting to any forum constructively and consciously is a waste of time I do not have ADHD, still diagnosing this is insanely difficult Psychotherapy works, my therapist did retreats in asia which I definitely notice, she is quite conscious Green generally is beautiful and forgiving A gratitude practice works wonders for an enneagram type 4 The enneagram is great for avoiding spiritual bypassing and working with emotions and conditioned patterns Balancing theory and practice gives me a lot of confidence I can go out and cry when I contemplate the beauty of nature and simply see holons everywhere Nature especially helps with peak experiences There is something very profound about the saying "burn the books" Failure and failing more often is not something I should avoid, it is a gift presented as an opportunity for correction and progress As long as there is effort and progress I trust humanity to a degree, that we don't kill ourselves lol Healthy stage purple is underrated taking care of family relationships and bonding with others based on kinship Planning retreats and writing stuff down following advice is great When in doubt journal and or ask for feedback with a competent person Sublte stage phenomena and dreams are great for extracting insight to the personal realem I could get to non-duality with the current technique that I am practicing Positvity and acceptance is important to work with green as a leader Holonic asymmtry exists everywhere I easily can delude others for some reason Most drugs do not help as good as for example exercise and a healthy lifestyle Kriya experiences are not easy to control Doing kriya yoga is out of the question for now, this style of practice is to hardcore and a luxury Being a mercenary for my life purpose is great, showing up doing the work and bein quite. Being an artist is beauty in itself being highly creative on the other hand takes a lot of effort and practice to actualize the vision Finding the right ressources is easy nowadays meeting the right contacts is the scary part Reading and appying the techniques takes time and experimentation Strength exercises and meditation give you a lot of leverage during a retreat, even if it is a micro-retreat, you feel your body is growing spiritually Exercising with techniques and intent is possible, yet also quite difficult imo technique matters here again Expansion and contraction is everywhere Being of masculine essence to constantly give without wanting anything back hurts immensly at the sametime I feel it sets you free in the sense of opening your heart Key characteristic of enneagram type 4 is spiritual absorption going deep into meditation seems apparently natural to this type Strategically working on increasing consciousness does work Energy transmission even via phone and or zoom possibly seems to work, sometimes the force is to strong Creating an identity is suffering in of itself and mostly only serves an survival function Being assertive and on the spiritual path is possible, yet people legit project their own ego onto you for no reason, because you feel less egoic It is possible to ravish another person into big bliss FEAR generally is false evidence appearing real Field testing / dabbling into different spiritual avenues helps with producing insights and or conceputal knowledge Having weird phenomena with nature like it speaks to you is weird you just feel what can happen Lacking conceptual knowledge is okay, as long as you can translate the experience into something profound Trauma is a big topic and integrating past experiences and being in a process of self-renewal is important Kriya experiences or samskaras can be created out of love Distinguishing kriya experiences is not easy Samskaras stop seeming like samskaras when there is an cultivation of love as well as truth Standing on the shoulders of giants regardless if it is a mentor or someone who is very conscious is humbling In a sick and twisted way violence, death, is also the beauty of existence. Sometimes this stuff is no coincidence. Still I would not be able to tolerate an operation without anestisia . Negative insights: People really don't give an f about you and this longs for some re-framing on my part Blaming and negativity especially being furious is dangerous and pollutes entire fields of consciouness and disrupts harmonics Working on translating later stages of development is not easy Bias is inevitable till there is no-mind and understanding Constantly forming in-groups feels very disruptive A physical disabillity is no joke and now having a global health discussion based on covid leaves people left in uncertainity Exploring the microcosm deeply was taken away by my from my parents and peers Being a highly sensitive person or HSP as a man makes it difficult for other man and women to relate sometimes Being in contact with others I fall back to stage yellow cognitively mostly Developing emotional maturity as a HSP person is not easy. Going through the process of being diagnosed as gifted is odd, a lot of people see you as arrogant, yet you geniuently care Again ego is the root cause of suffering here, mental, physical, spiritual Suffering ain't that bad as long as it is not physical Getting closer to suicidal thoughts and doing meditation etc. Showed my how insane it is you could really kill yourself out of love Trusting the content of your mind is a sure way to fall into delusion Theory provides a good way to ensure the content of your mind is clean Survivial is more important then I thought and my upbringing was quite priviledged based on the fact that I am a military brat Parental care nowadays seems like a priviledge to me IMO Creating a functional relationship needs a lot of theory and practice as well as consent Creating or longing to create a functional family takes even more work and will hinder spiritual practice immensly Global issues are difficult to follow and panic and distress from the enneagrams 2,3,4 heart triad is causing a lot of disruption, especially when it is brought back home locally. Meditation techniques matter and do not matter at the sametime Re-birth is something I'd wish Leo would talk about in-case he has any insights into that topic Smoking weed without tobacco legit works for me and even helps my spiritual practice, as well as it is not as addictive, yet can lead to chronic abuse. Same goes for wine, coffee and the likes I checked the potential addiction rates Depression is not as easy to overcome as I'd wish it is Most drugs do not help as well as exercise and a healthy lifestyle Stage oranges techno-economic base the industry and mass-production and mass-transportation causes a lot of depression and isolation Scientific materialism makes technology "our" new nature Not sharing information and being in contact with others makes life more difficult as it seems Being suicidal is something that I did create on my own as well as something that was inevitable People are generally very judgemental as long as they are not yellow/turqouise survival at these stages is just different Moving up and down the spiral feels like shit I can't trust my insights 100% because they are still baking There seems to be a demand to suffer with others Survival and having a thick face and a black heart is more important then I ever thought it would be The current notion of love is a joke and fad based on romance Practicing unconditional love can be a delusion in itself especially when I long for opening my blocke heart chakra Crying almost on demand is not fun, people expect so much emotions out of each other it seems rather unnatural Reading ancient history makes me very angry It takes more theory then I thought to understand the spiritual path For me becoming orderly is extremely painful, I've been shamed around this topic for a longtime even though I am quite normal in that regard Finding balance between work and creating order and being responsible feels difficult for me, when I notice that people do not care about me Caring about me causes to futher give my ego more food still functioning as a person is neccessary and longing and or even demanding feedback is fine I did not grow as I would love to because I was stuck in a rut and I had to forgive myself as well as practice gratitude and grit Think tanks without proper outsourcing are quite toxic Funny insights: Even buying a plant in Germany is antagonistic, I can't stop laughing about these plant names. Hortensia a very good name for a plant. Stage yellow is not as cool as I thought it is, yet becomes very interesting at the microscopic level Observing people and the behaviour is amazing and funny Eletism is a big joke in a sense and that people believe in their intellectual patron to further propagate their idenity into a collective creating further in-groups. Is amazing to watch. Time and energy has a higher value then most things in life and I squander it away longing for a timless connection with reality as well as a deeper energtic connection to reality. Feeling holons for instance. Overall it is not easy to create a lifestyle that is highly conscious in of itself and runs from higher stages as well as it is not easy to become conscious. Balance is key, yet there are methods and techniques as well as hacks that work better then others. Looking for what works is the difficult task. Having existential angst and working through it opened my heart and showed my how disruptive avarice is of itself and how much my personal longing can propel me towards greater heights as well as predict my downfall. Anyway this is what being suicidal and depressed now based on constant death around me has thaught me. People take their breath even for granted when there are people who have issues even breathing. Which includes me. Unsure what I can say from here out on. If there is no feedback I just leave the forum and come back another time when I can put in some of the work which benefits me and is more conscious. This post was not written to diminish others and or to scare them because of recent events on the forum. Yet, my ethical opinions differ a lot based on what I was able to contemplate on the last years. I can understand why becoming conscious in this life time alone is so important. As well as how important it is to keep a clean mind.

I've been shying away from the forum because of how polluted the forum seemed to me. I've been going through a lot of hardship and gained some momentum back and earned a certificate online in an area where I want to apply my skills. I am still working on getting my degree, I went through a lot of bs and created a lot of bs because of my vulnerability being triggered immensly. Now, I am pretty close to getting my degree finally, we sold our house because my grandma died which took a huge toll on me. My other grandma in the U.S died, my cat died. I fought with my father and told him after like 20 years or so how much of an a** he is. Covid is happening and people are generally aggrevated. I was depressed and suicidal for 1 1/2 years approx. Yet, I have been working with a psychologist now for a year almost and feel that I am back on track. I am able to work 8h a day again and feel motivated since 2-3 months. Even if there are ups and downs The point is it still get's worse I was diagnosed with pangonarthrosis because of a valgus malalignment. Which is genetic and it did not sort itself out. I seeked alternative treatment, yet the study supporting it's efficiency is way to experiantial. As well as the "meridan" point where my leg is connected to the arthorsis is scared because I have pretty large scar there (the size of my hand). Which certainly encumbers the treatment. Which made it difficult for the naturopathic practionor to treat me appropriately and neutralize the pain. A conservative approach was not recommended from 4 doctors I talked now to. For example using orthopedic insoles. The good thing is I can plan the operation anytime, the unfortuante thing is I can't exercise as intensly anymore. So, no sprints and HIT exercises. Longer meditation sits can hurt a lot and my knee is simply battered. I feel back on track now and applied praticial advice from books. Took a couple of online courses and finished them. Analyzed my life purpose and fixed mistakes when applying the theory. I am crying a lot recently and have a lot of weird synchronistic events are happening. I talked to Shinzen and I still can't figure out what happend during the last retreat besides that it was Makiyo stuff and that talking to a coach would be more appropriate. I also am pretty close to finishing my project for uni and am now in crunch time mode, because of all of the stuff that happend recently. I really went mad during this retreat, it felt similar to the stage ultraviolett on from Ken Wilbers book ROT. @Leo Gura My question to you would. Am I overdoing it ? I started learning Python and finished part one of a 6 part certificate and finished almost one certificate from Google. I am extremly scared of the job market. Because I can see that my degree does not gurantee me a "job". I am more out for a life purpose, yet at this point it feels like my life is on the line. I am financially secure for a given time period. A lot seriously a lot of stuff happend. Basically what I am doing is I am working a lot on the weekend and implementing what I wrote down from my life purpose and what I currently read from books reading MOOCS. (Super Moocing) It would be a pleasure to receive feedback from you, based on the situation I described above. I've been naturally putting the work I took from you seeing holons almost everywhere and becoming more and more translative in the fact that holons exist. Feeling more turquoise has it's own issues, when going through these weird growing pains. Do you feel it is fine working 8-10h a day with breaks on the weekend, yet also working one day at the weekend ? I feel more fullfilled working towards my vision, yet it still feels fuzzy. Especially after the rut I have been stuck in. To give an example this is what I am currently doing Uni Project 4-5h a day Java Book 10h a week Python Book 5h a week (Finished first certificate on the side) (Will finish google training on the weekend) (Crunch time for project) I would be greatful for any feedback I keep coming back to your content, yet I am still going through the booklist of the L.P I can't buy every book currently. There are other ways in which I actualize my LP, based on the books I've read so far. I've finished a bunch of them. This includes audiobook versions. Any key insight to what is missing ? ------------------------------------------ I talked to a up and coming coach who wants to help me with testing for giftedness because there are a lot of correlations. I somehow today stoped caring about the topic, yet I am helping him out for now and the topic is certainly interesting, because I never felt I could be that smart. I will most likely also take a test because my psychologist was exuberantly excited about what I do in a given day. When I feel this is normal now. My routine certainly limits my time usage, because of the pangonarthrosis I changed my diet not drastically. Yet, I have to wake up and do the exercises in the morning otherwise I feel quite some pain in my knee. As well as I will not be able to go to the operation for almost a year, because of my degree. Planning wise it is not possible. First in 2022 it would be feasable. I went through a lot of struggle and fooled myself into thinking I can be superhuman, when I made a trip to a friend in Berlin. I still was mainly fighting off depression seeking hedonic pleasure. Since, I have money now for a given period of time. I slowly set the ball rolling and I will get into dating I've read now a couple of books and finished half a course and will finish my other certificate. Still, I have some doubts and felt today it is the right time to come back to the forum and write a post about my situation and receive some feedback ! I certainly am following my vision and keep options open. Gaining professional certificates and gaining my degree coding on the weekend and under the week. I feel happy and content. Yet, I am unsure if I will end in a burn out pretty soon. I've gone so mad because of the situation, I should be in jail. All jokes aside. I definitely long for feedback on my current situation, because there is so much more going on and I definitely want to become a better results maker. Simple things like acceptance and inspiration as well as keeping myself healthy with "stationary fitness" walking outside and stretching helps my keep mental clarity & sanity. I plan my week every weekend each hour, I feel very happy doing that. I also reward myself and nuture my inner child now more. Any advice that I can follow or any tips and tricks on how to deal with the this situation ? I do have a decent support structure now with friends and family supporting me. I definitely want to date and also make friends with potential dates. Obviously as a secondary option. Vision feels key for me at the moment.

I did not see anyone sharing this. Not sure if everyone already knows this channel but if not it is worth sharing. Tons of interview with spiritual people, also very enlightend ones like. Ken Wilber, Shunyamurti, Shinzen Yung, Culadasa, Mooji (altough I don't like him that much), Adyashanti, Rupert Spira, Deepak Chopra, Daniel Ingram, potentially many others you might know about. https://www.youtube.com/user/BuddhaAtTheGasPump/videos I don't know to many teachers, there are some Swamis listed an others, I like the interviews with the people I mentioned above so far.