ValiantSalvatore

Going to use this as social accountability. Purpose: Honesty, Authenticity, Connection to LP Daily: Mo-Fr: 8h work day report 8h working on thesis 30 min meditation 1h dating challenge (90 days) 4-5 gym a week 10:30 bed max 06:05 wake up Weekly review: Going to post here mainly that I worked 8h a day. This is just important with the amount of procrastination and resistance that I have. Daily check-in to see I am doing what I am interested in doing. So, I don't have the neccessity to post longwinded posts as well as take this more seriously. As well as to keep and track my progress and be honest. This also sort of encapsulates the concepts of progress goals. Making this sort of meta about the concept of progress goals for motivation.

A bit overdue for posting daily: Almost finished the dating course today Applied for a renewal of my passport and my ID Visited my psychologist Did not study today at all Short notes from day: I don't value my time as much as I should do it All of these guys from the dating courses automated their lives for income The courses basically have a lot of common sense that just needs to be applied and tested The master and the beginner might sound similar, yet their level of experience gives them a different perspective The goverment system is odd, somehow I am entried in their system as owning the american as well as the german citizen, although I never applied for the american one. Because of various reason. But hey talking about yellow laws, there seems to be no choice when it comes to laws about taxes etc. ? I can't trade for instance now on trade republic. I am not taking that risk with taxes and laws. Dating notes: Most of this stuff is applied and refined Make at least some copy paste message Be of high value means get her on the phone instantly because you value your time. I am the one who is busy and qualifies her. Touching back and forth game (kino aka cinema ?? ) Maybe it's a dinosaur Empty profile ball bust her on how boring it must be to date her Two women ! Copied my profile for some reason ? It's a marathon people get sucked into the blackhole and are frustrated. It's normal that this happens All of these guys spent at least 4-6h according to their self-statement online dating Again the advice treat her like your best friend Short dates are better to make her qualify for you, again you are the price to be won Be original with all of this stuff Nobody really talked about sex till now and what type of "sex" type the girl is to be a bit flirty and intimate, so that is an issue I saw overall Don't spend to much time sending a message When there is no attraction save yourself the time and move Even if you only have 15 minutes a day give it your best Sunday 10-12 am is supposed to be the best time for phone calls / video meetings ( my idea) reason behind this friday and saturday she goes out and meets all of these "frustrated" men and on sunday she is at home relaxing wondering where a great guy might be Less info create mystery Have some art trick, the guy made a website with stickfigures Competence = Confidence No attraction ? Make her a friend for social circle and clubbing for instance or going to bars Only because it did not work once does not mean it does not work the next time Meet her under the weekday, weekends is for family and friends 10% success rate is very good 1 in 10 girls replies. Things I could do sort of create a meme arsenal and find a meme site that expresses your humour: Send copy paste messages with gifs and links via PC Be on the PC when she is online to C&C qualify her into an instant online meeting somehow This is a 7$ tinder course from one of the guys where one dude stood up and said this guy is amazing with hot girls. http://www.insiderinternetdating.com/tinder/ I'll buy this eventually. I am using okCupid for now. Most of the notes are "principle" based.

@StarStruck That is fine I've done some boolean algebra lol. I don't need to understand everything the ideas are more interesting of how science interpretes the world / universe through mathematics I never really looked at that topic. Techinical usually means interesting for me. Thanks for the mentoning me !

20.10.21 Worked for 3:21h according to my timer Went to gym for 1h (1h dating now ) Woke up late 09:30am approx Made some pictures for my passport and id Audiobook Principles refelection Going to write a summary sort of a a generalized version of what I can recall. The author used the basal ganglia as a key factor as well as part of our brains to create habits and it is part of the lower self. I never heared the biological definition of higher and lower self. The higher self is the hippocampus which executive functions decision making, planning etc. Then there was this MBTi stuff about feeling, thinking etc. I knew a lot about this and contemplated about this and the issue with the model is that it is only cognitive sort it's an sort of orange model to me. The other models author mentioned were more blue / green depending which viewpoint one can take. Did not catch all of it. Searching out people who have different opinions then yours and to talk with them open mindedly was one key principle the author mentioned. Eliminating habits and creating a routine the idea from another course with the basal ganglia explained for me a bit more deeply how immersion works from a biological perspective. That it truely just is an autopilot. This is also an issue with shadow work, shadow work with biology if you do not know how a part works you just don't know and it's in the shadow as these drives force you to do stuff. Also, the author mentioned Freud obviously in connection to drives. The lower drives IIRC still have a stronger impact so it's easier to use them consciously and to eliminate and automate bad habits etc. I stopped most of my bad habits quiet early when I started personal development. The issue with depression is a bit more complicated. Although working out and vitamin d as well as meditation and a "solid" nutrition is helpful. Otherwise there was no real content to reflect besides that pain can be a trigger / tool for contemplation and that was the most important habit the author himself developed. Dating I've sent out a few messages, I do have an issue with making girls want to meet me after the first couple of messages I don't like it that I have to put in that much effort and there are some principles from the dating course that I am doing with the challenge that I can use. My inner game is odd it's on and off at times. The point is I am high in compassion and compassionate girls really like me, yet take the biggest idiot on the planet as a boyfriend and will regret it down the line. Doing the dating challenge now. Content from yesterday. Be more interesting ! I do have the issue with my social profile that I could create the most elaborate and cool profile from the principles I've read for instance. Creating a nice little profile could be appropriate for online dating. I mainly used my insta for vacation pictures and travel pictures. Yet, all of these plans fell flat. More positive stuff, there is an opening to do this more. Also, from the course yesterday I am soon done and will then implement and report. The course is supposed to be done 3 times to do it appropriately. Princples for online dating: Scan for crazies eliminate them Best virtual online dating simulator there is on the planet Be authentic as you are playful and funny Gather experience with text Take picutres that are interesting and socializing Constantly use contradiction / paradox Treat her as your best friend You are the price to be won Figure out strengths and weaknesses Create a profile that stands out, scan the competition be different and be "effective" Don't only be different WOWW - as a generalization Be positive and don't write for instance lonelyguyfromTexas033 Pick only a few things to work on Professional photos Be interested in the person / women not body etc. For now what I intuit I could upgrade my translation from text to date. As well as being more sexual and calibrating I am usually quiet romantic in my fantasy, yet fantasy is not reality. Being hyperrealistic takes some basal ganglia training lol. What is good is that the virtual dates are a good screen. Other issue might be the app I have to swipe 90% of the content almost.

@JosephKnecht Alright, thanks I'll give it a shot at one point sounds feasible lol. @Seraphim https://www.youtube.com/c/DanWinterFractalField/videos Is that the correct Dan Winter ?

I don't know how much bias there is to this, I find different ideas, yet this guy basically created the idea of race itself. https://www.facinghistory.org/resource-library/ranking-humankind https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johann_Friedrich_Blumenbach https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2151154/ Mostly, Blumenbach’s writing retained a scientific stance, but he exposed his bias on beauty when he wrote that the Causasian skull of a Georgian female was the “most handsome and becoming.” He stated that the most beautiful people live in the Southern slope of Mount Caucasus—that is, the Georgian people. He then speculated on the origins of humans and made his second error, by going beyond the available evidence. White, to quote Blumenbach, “we may fairly assume to have been the primitive colour of mankind.” His reasoning was that it is easy to change from white to brown but not vice versa. Time has shown that this view was wrong. These errors were not the result of colour prejudice. Blumenbach refuted the notion that Ethiopians were inferior to other races. Blumenbach wrote favourably about “negroes,” extolling their beauty, mental abilities, and achievements in literature and other fields. He pointed to variations in opportunity as the cause of differences. His viewpoint on Africans was out of tune with that of the times6 and more in line with that seen during the movements for civil rights and equality in the 1960s. I am not getting / becoming very smart from reading this. Although this bias is extremely constructed. It's like nerdy and bookish girls liking Harry Potter looking dudes and girls who like fantasy liking Harry Potter type dudes or equatting it with every fantasy novel read. I ask myself if there ever is a black guy. For instance or the person can truely distinguish high value and virute lol. Media is also not doing a good job portraying bias. See every horror movie for instance 10 years ago or so. Black dude dies first so funny. I can't help but laugh, because the notion is retarded. I am bi-racial and the concept of race itself as well as some other ideas are just so shallow. I do agree I have a bias towards dating people who are also multinational / bi-racial because there is a familiarity in experience. Yet, people take this for granted also this is so rare to find. Having lived in China not dating there, I don't think it's as much of an issue, for younger people older people are much much worse. In south korea I went into a black hip-hop club on accident because I was invited to a birthday party from people from the philipenese. Although the ignorance about racism is very very obvious when living there (China). A bit to obvious, yet many modern people don't have an issue at all ! I have seen different videos where people think it's fine. -------- I received even a match from a chinese girl and an indonesian girl so far. As well as with black girls and mostly white girls because that is just the majority here etc. As bi-racial you could say there is the "bi-racial" advantage. Why bias does not really work for bi-racial people https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-between-worlds/201706/biracial-dating-in-monoracial-culture The point is beauty itself is the preference and I like symmertry I could care less where the person is from as long as there is some form of secularity present. People have preferrences the question is how strongly are they evoked by bias itself fetishising people from different countries and places is disgusting in my point of view like seeing them as goodesses and gods. Having a preferrence is fine. Not seeing that the preference is myopic as well as not very holonic is unfortunate. It's always like this the most racist people are the least racist. -> Reject bias for strong attraction The least racist people are the most racist. -> Deny bias for personal preference I don't know I created a love map through a course and I know what I like I based it more on virtue and characteristics. I mean physically it won't change that much for the standard model male lol. As well as the idea of DNA and the concept race is just retarded at one point. Not denying differences, yet making it an absolute is retarded. IIRC it has some value in medicine. But, whatever I doubt someone really makes an effort to dig all of this up. As an example of ignorance of history/race/education The pull and woreship towards western culture and hollywood is very strong from what I experienced in Asia. They tell me a black/white dude that they are thankful that Germany apologized for the second world war. What am I supposed to think as a "Germerican" lol ?? As well as constant talk about superhero movies and stuff like this I don't know what to think of it so far. Meditation and awarness of my internal thoughts helped me to deal with bias on my end lol. As it was culturally indoctrinated.

@JosephKnecht Is this readable without having a strong maths background ?

19.10.21 Worked for 1h41 min, 2h on thesis (Made odd progress) Stuff worked, yet makes it more complex. Talked to coach for 2h Went to gym for 1h (1h dating now ) Woke up late 09:30am approx --------------- Short review from the audiobook principles that I listend to while in the gym. Get reviews and feedback from people who can see your weaknesses. Practice radical open-mindedness which means listening first. (Seek first to understand then to be understood) Agree to disagree. Identifiy problems. Identifiy solutions. Do these steps one by one not all together. Where is your weakness and how can you solve this root problem ? Pain is used as a reflection tool. Either immediately or after it has subsided. Work on strength and identifiy strengths and weaknesses. Design first before implementing. People are wired differently understand that. Be radically transparent be honest about your weaknesses. Clear goals. Be hyperrealistic, be a dreamer, "doer", realist Self-accountability -> results, honesty Priorities. Humility can create solutions. By asking the right people and being open-minded. We can't achieve every goal ( I like this because this Brian Tracey stuff is not working out so much with weekly goals) I stopped after 1 or 2 weeks. To many goals. What is my strength from the concepts the guy used in his book ? My strength is planning definitely and my weakness is execution of my plans. Another weakness of mine is apathy Results from the short coaching session The guy is not a legit/certified coach, he has experience as a gifted person and is also highly sensitive, I do not care so much about the concepts, as well as the concept of IQ. I am ,ore liberal and in favour of the multiple intelligences approach from Howard Gardner. Yet, I might get an advantage when applying for an uni etc. for masters if I truely want to do smth. scientific... I've let go from the concept of IQ a lot. The concept caused me more harm than good. It helps me currently to learn and deal with this human experience of mine and that most of the things I am doing is correct. He gave me the impetus to sit down in the morning and to dive into my emotions of apathy to sort of disentangle them. Also, he said it's fine to procrastinate, this won't solve my root issue. He says he has the same issue and the topic was high sensitivity this time and he gave me the advice to sit with my emotions, we sort of both reflected ( he is certified gifted mensa member and yes it's not important lol for him too ! We just have almost an identical experience with stuff including psychedelics etc.) also to get into nature and I might do that more to relax. The audiobook gave me some motivation. Saw a hot girl in the gym who was not shy of holding eye contact with me for a tiny bit and we crossed roads a couple of times. Looked into SES a bit looks less complex than ROT. Audiobook is good for keeping me on track and currently does not trigger this burn-out effect when I become to obsessive. 1h dating for now. Any insights from retreat ? No, the issue with intellectualizing can be an issue when it comes to dealing with emotions. Had again the "realization" that when I would truely devot myself to becoming conscious it would be 1000000% more fullfilling than an ordinary life. Leo's blog Notice this: the deeper you love, the more it kills you. Which is why you fear loving too deeply. Love kills the finite identity by replacing it with an ever-expanding, infinite identity. And if you could no longer identify yourself as any finite thing, you'd be dead. Hence Infinite Love = Death This in a wicked way is beautiful Shinzen has the same "idea" approach love yourself to death somewhere in his script or descriptions similar to appreciating yourself and sense gates to death. Matched with a girl 92% match again she made me laugh internally from my heart wrote a long message. Dating course for now I'll apply principles as much as possible.

@Raphael I do 100% I try to enjoy my "cosmic address" as well as possible. The mind clings to know and wants to hold things as beign certain no matter how useful the model is. The map is unfortunately not the territory. Although it helps to navigate the territory. I notice also that just sheer emotionality is lacking when it comes to depth when applying thinking about any model. Also, it's not easy to break out of this practical mind as well as spininng concept over concept. The full nihilist "atheist" perspective is to see the beauty in the futility of it and to feel this is very hard to do. I notice this everytime I post here and this is one reason I want to post more beautiful stuff, and emobdy more emotionality it's about Love and Truth. The truth might not be as sweet as love, as well as there are some issues with meaning creation. Let alone trauma, relationships, unable to see the unity in differences. Conditoning the body, toxic chemicals w/e. You can read maps leading to non-duality and they are great for guidance and having reference material. It does sometimes feel like life is an simulation in order for us to gather experience. I mean How are we even alive ? This is now some sci-fi stuff. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Filter https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kardashev_scale There is so much complicated stuff out there just enjoying the map noticing helps alot. I also cling to certainity of knowing, yet I feel this is mostly like an emotional game. There is way way more models and maps besides just spiral dynamics and the 9 stages of ego development. The entire pathologies of Tier 3 are listed in ROT. I can't tell how useful this is, as well as applicable. I had the issues forgetting about the practicals about when I looked into every theory that exists, even if I do not understand it. There is alot of value and I notice this more to understand and implement things systemically and solve the root cause in ones personal life, especially emotionally. There are also some issues gauging stages when it comes to development. As the emotional line is amiss completely with most people. As this is one core pillar to be integrated.

@universe Thanks for the help ! I've did the sedona method a couple of times it worked quite well. Although I stayed with Shinzens techniques for simplicities sake as well as for the purpose of mastery. Eventually I'll turn back to the book, I've did the practices through online sources did not listen or read the book yet.

Hola ! I received now the same feedback twice times from two girls who I consider high quality and I am a bit aggrevated that I lost them, because I lost an overall momentum to my life as gating better at dating etc is a goal that I have this year. I am currently doing online dating and I receive approx. 2-3 matches a week. I don't know if this is good as well as bad, my profile is not perfect. There is still tons of information to consume, yet I am very driven to get results. At the sametime a day approach or smth. similar I am currently don't feel that I am that stable as well as my energy is placed into other projects. For now my goal is to get better at online dating and dating itself not a day approach. Relationships, what I mean is I can't handle that much failure, because I am failing and learning in other ares, this is sort of failure management. (Insert bigger excuse) My question is what is a sure way to establish a connection as well as what stops building a connection ? I watched this and I don't quiet understand what I am doing wrong I make most of my dates laugh and I am unsure how emotional people perceive me, I get so many mixed messages sometimes that I am unsure where I can improve besides establishing a solid connection. Girls either told me that I lack emotionality as well as there is no connection, yet I make them laugh and we have fun most of the time. What is a good way to establish a connection as well as what is a good ressource to look into ? I hold eye contact usually quiet well and I talk slowly for building attraction I focus on building positive energy, yet I never focused on connecting with the other person when I focus on connecting with the other person I feel I often become a wussy and I am unsure if I can perceive this vulnerability as strength. Any feedback here for this issue ? I usually also let go of results. When I am being spontaneous etc. I feel I am often to much I have very high-strung energy and people often can't stand that level of enthusiam as well as pure intensity that just look at me like a deer caught in headlights. As well as being very feminine in that way can make me very critical and slighty snappy. I don't know if this is good. The point is I do have issues to be balanced emotionally available for people, it's either like I am a total empath understand and feel every emotion as well as I am a total psychopath and could not care less about anything besides myself. Also, the knack is that I am mostly meeting up virtual first to scan the person and to not waste each others time and I am unsure how to build a connection there as well as the other date that I met physically. My main issue is what most people perceive as "depth" emotional "depth" deep topics is all so shallow now since I've done alot of self-actualization / meditative work as well as a lot of sh*t happend the last year, so I do have issues empathizing to protect myself. Is smth. as simple as considering taking sometime to put myself in the others person shoe worth it ? As well as putting in the intention to connect with the other person ? I've been hurt a lot in my life and I did a lot of shadow work around this, I still could subconsciously just be very "rigid". I as well as I could completely let go of expectations and was being more non-judgemental, present, acceptant, I feel this is also very good. The point is I really love strategy and I would love to have better results at building a connection. I watched the video above before I went on the date a week or so and I am often scared to be emotionally manipulated, because I meet some f*ed ppl. Although the dates were very very ultra clean in that sense, I am just scared to be vulnerable. Am I answering my own question or is there more to it ? For instance and I am typing this lol is building a connection ? Considering we meet first virtual and this is the second date. Holding hands Touching her slightly Brushing her hair slightly away to go for a kiss Treating her as I would my best friend to establish a connection Having fun Being non-needy Is this also part of emotional connection and am I being a rigid technocrat here ?

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth Work is play

@universe Thank you for the advice here ! I used to be very good at this. This is beautiful definitely will practice tuning more into the emotions of the other. The point is I admit there is a lot of envy when it comes to this for me I noticed especially since I stopped gratitude practices. Definitely will attune and calibrate when it comes to dates and feel more internally. I somehow feel I do do that, yet there apparently is some disconnect I will do this more and ask more about emotional experiences. Especially since I am doing a positive minded-meditation practice. This is also gold ! Definitely will practice that advice, when I revisit the entire date in my head I completely forgot because we seemed so similar to tune into the others emotion. The one time I did it I made her laugh about unicorns. That was freaking funny. This might seem like an odd questions, yet what about negative emotions tuning into that and then moving towards love and fun again ? Also, sort of attuning myself to her emotional state. Btw, if you know any good books on this would love to read one or two. Besides stuff from Deida. I believe the important part for my logical driven skull, is realzing to feel it with her ! Thanks again for the advice !

@hyruga That is to simplistic almost lmao. Thanks for the perspective I'll keep it in mind.

@flowboy That definitely helps alot lol. Thank you for the advice/insight !! I am quiet intuitive, yet not to that level. When it comes to internal emotions. Depending on how conceptual this can be more FI from MBTI experiences are not unfamiliar to me. Yet, I can digest emotions also very quickly and then forget. I don't bottle up emotions as primary FE as INFJ. So I usually express what I feel. Somehow I still miss a connection that is more implicit. My date told me she felt uncomfortable holding eye contact and I can cry basically looking at a plant sometimes just looking at the sheer beauty of that, when I really get into it. This costs a lot of energy though. With music I can facilitate that. I gave my best shot at beign at being and letting go of concepts, yet some are also quiet saiposexual even to culture let's say and I do have an issue with history at the moment lmao. I can't change that, yet that book really pissed me off. Btw, I love giving feedback ! So I can post more content when I get more dates. When I read all of these books and listen to all of this spiritual stuff, healthy sexuality is missing so badly and I don't think post-modernism, "nazi-feminism", toxic masculinty is helping. I've been sort of demonized for being masculine which can be an issue still I feel. As I am being honest in a sense. Sincere words are not very nice. A tier 2 model about personality could give more insight..., yet again I am just going off on intuition here. I will definitely notice more when we are connecting with the same emotions because I really felt we did not, I did not experience these things as intensly as her. Also, I was paying so much attention to being in my head. Moving more into my body often I feel people just think I am stupid or smth. and this make me reluctant to get into my "feel space". Although I am quiet emotionally open, even if it does not seem like it paradoxically. It's just I need a little help to break through this shell. As I am doing a meditation currently that evolves tuning into emotions more. This might sound odd, I experienced alot of "suffering" I mostly connect through the suffering of others. Which might seem an odd way to connect, yet like an old adage says: "misery loves company". I don't know I can explain it like this when I tune in emotionally with dudes for instance and friends they will ask me constantly what is wrong afterwards, because I am stil digesting all of what was said as well as the whole emotional field. I never heard of this concept till now thank you for that. This is gold ! I could give a simple answer even though it might seem emotionally crude. Attraction = connection Intimacy = romance Connectedness = depth/"spirituality" Horniness = lust I do have a strong affinity for attraction romantically I feel like I've been abused lol.

@universe Thanks for the feedback ! Could you give an example that would involve her emotions ? I usually talk about her hobbies and interests and become fascinated by it, yet like I said it could be to intense for others. I am not a very "smooth"/"cold" person and I do have very high levels of energy even when I feel bad this is latent. I can give a personal example. When I went on the date with one girl let's call her Sarah I talked "alot" about her interests about Japan and Japanology. Yet, it was difficult for me to build an emotional connection, because she did not watch all to many animes although she liked them. I watched alot during my teens as well as a kid and still watch from time to time. As well as I have a very strong affinity for japanese culture, yet I have never been there. The point is without getting into theory lol. Is it then better to keep talking for instance about her interests and asking questions (what I usually did), to build a connection. I usually then start to reveal smth. about myself with works and is related to the topic. For instance having lived in China etc. visiting South Korea etc. Then letting it rest at that and enjoy being together? Till sh*t tests start to test commitment and character. For me it is difficult to pay attention after reading spiral dynamics for the X amount of time, there is no "real" profundity for me anymore in culture, it is interesting, yet it takes me a lot of energy to empathize I am strongly introverted. Although if there are not cross-cultural references I just get lost. In being bored and I then remind myself to have fun. My sort of convoluted answer as well as question is how the hell do I talk about her and my emotions lol? I try to avoid it because I become very emotional most of the time and my memory starts going bonkers. When I open up emotionally currently I could cry instantly. There are so many practices that I would like to enjoy doing with my girlfriend/partner for intimacy, it's a bit annoying. I can't just come right of the bat and say. "HEY ! I am interested to give you a cervix orgasm ! " As well as have sex for 2h. This is sort of what I mean I have issues with being emotional. I can't express it fully currently. ------------------------------ @PepperBlossoms Again without getting into theory. Because I would prefer doing that with a partner. I'll sort of talk around the multiple-models. I'll be specific. High quality about them was master degree+ meaning they either did their masters as well as were involved in phd programms. High self-maintenance, striked the 5 stars of the 5 stars of a relationships. For e.g willing to go back to love, taking care of oneself physically and mentally, sexual attraction and the two other stars. High in compassion ! Which is an absolute turn on for me. Green+ values. I am also way above average in compassion for a male. From a male perspective good looks, hygine, not very neurotic, relaxed character, acceptant, non-judgemental, culturally open, ( I am bi-racial), I really love reddish hair both had reddish hair. They have goals and seemed interested in co-creation, although the distance and my current situation is an issue. As well as both of them knew also this is mostly about experience, although this is an assumption. No, there is nothing that they were doing that I'd like to be more like, I automatically choose this pattern subconsciously based on my persoanlity type. Most of these things I am working on. Finishing projects, automating habits, being more goal centric, sticking to priorites, exploring hobbies, going on adventures etc. All of these things were things we had in common. I presume. Just apparently the connection part is missing. I am unsure if this is a commitment issue on my part somehow. If there is smth. missing that I would be chasing it is living together with a person that I love. Yet, that is currently just not possible, without the right person. Agree. This is one perspective that I have this is mostly about experience, like this post is about experience, sort of tackeling the root issue / wicked problem and to solve. It when I receive the same feedback twice from two high quality women. There is smth. wrong here. So, again I am already gaining more experience just by writing this post. Again, agree I miss some photos, this is mostly me being self-critical I do have issues letting go of perfection. Even if it might does not look like it when I type. Simple answer again from a male perspective, a girl would never date a guy who has lower self-confidence IMO. Besides for other more nefarious reasons. I am actively working with my therapist currently, yet she is a bit overwhelmed by the sheer amount of content and practices that I know. The therapy itself improves stability and my self-confidence is above average. Although it definitely dwindels when talking to super hot 10/10 girls with phd's which I did not yet meet lol. Lovely ! Yes, I just finished a book about GRIT. This is a very good reminder. I will summarize now because this will take away a lot of my time and I can answer this more quickly when I can generalize. Main points/Themes: Rigidness Shallow conversation Values,interets, connection takes time Trial/Error connection Being more natural Vulnerability High energy partner Personal stuff Relationship asking them if they are interested in one Lack of connection / seriousness 1. Me being rigid is mostly due to deeply subconscious believe I do have a pretty large scar that is not visible, and having to play the role in society of being competent etc. This has mostly served me quiet well and it is not easy to let go of that although I constantly see it. I presume just further meditation and awareness will eventually take care automatically of this pattern. 2. Shallow conversations is the issue that I prefer to build intimacy through practice for instance mentioned from David Deida. I've sent one girl even two of the books, because she was highly interested in that, yet she somehow perceived me as inept. Which is understandable when I have no one to practice with besides my self lol. Yet, she was sort of unable to see the paradox in her choice. 3. Values, interests, connection takes time. I agree I find it a bit unreasonable to expect from a guy the be the magical be it all and create this massive connection. I mean I also fell in love and I can see why regardless of gender, identity etc. One would be interested in that, yet I find it odd that I am the only one who has a list of values hanging in his bathroom and as well as listed in his dating profile, and I feel like I can do 10x amount of the work because the other person is unaware. Unsure what to think about that ? Besides that letting go of expectations which I do and gaining more experience. Just accepting this things move slow helps me. This is also an issue that I have and will be working on to just be a bit more slower, yet I feel people then notice (especially compassionate ppl...) how much pain there is inside of me and it makes me very uncomfortable. 4. Trial/Error and connection. Yes, I definitely will make more sexual advance because somehow girls are okay with me touching them. 5. Being more natural. Is the advice I received most often and it never really worked in a sense. What I hate about is that I feel everyone then is copying me when I am being natural and I really really hate this and I am unsure if I am being paranoid. Altough I presume people just like me somehow. Spontaneity and being natural just happens I can't force it. When it happens it's great. So, I do feel I could work on my personality to be more natural as well as be more natural to work on my personality. Which bascially means gaining more exposure and experience. I could just let go of forcing, yet when I act sort of on my instincts I often received a rejection this is why it's an issue for me to be natural. Unsure what do do here. 6. Vulnerabillity. Again from a male perspective it is not easy to balance this I've read Breene Browns book about vulnerabillity and I praticed that ever since, what people perceive as my authenticity is sort of this vulnerabillity, yet showing this at the wrong moment can make you look like a nice guy. So, it's not easy to balance that. Teal Swan has a good video on this. 7. High energy partner. Yes, finding a high-energy partner would be awesome also would facillitate co-creation because I am more interested in depth in a relationship that is monogamous. To practice depth and to gain depth. As this seems to be the case. 8. Personal stuff. I am sort of always working on that as well as I can. So, this is taken care of the question rather is if the other person can accept me as I am. Because I can and I don't tolerate a lot of bullsh*t manipulative behaviour. 9. Relationship. I am definitely going to ask this more straight off the bat and check interest. The girl that I was dating told me she was highly interested in 1-one-1 relationships. Yet, I consumed so much personality theory. I notice that I put her into a box and everything seemed predictable and working myself into a flow-state is not easy currently physically. Because I am basically waiting for an operation for my knee which I put on hold based on panic making from doctors, as well as having no one to properly talk to. So, this is my core personal issue right now that won't easily resolve itself. As well as I presumed I was just not being sexual. 10. I legit do not know what is causing this disconnect besides not focusing on connecting because I fear that I am being put into a friendzone because people legit tell me everything when I start connecting it has become so boring to listen to X secret in a sense. I am very serious and I learned to let go and have fun, I am just realy unsure how to build a solid emotional connection. I presume mostly that the connection issue might be sexual for me, because I don't know why I get away with some of the stuff as well as a 7h date. I just received so much rejection from people since I was small even if you are stage non-dual working through this can be an issue. My take away is to be more sexual ask about interest in relationship and advance faster in sense I would also be more natural and be more aggresive, since I do have a quiet aggressive (non-toxic) character meaning I really want what I want most of the time. As well as I want to move forward and gain experience. At the sametime I fear rejection so I am sort of in this push and pull dynamic with myself do I do it ? Do I not do it ? When I do not do it then what will happen and this is mostly about sexual stuff and somehow I can get away there with some stuff. I become then very rigid. More dates would definitely give me more insights. Thanks for the feedback ! I am definitely quiet serious about this and the books really really annoy me to read because it is nothing new, and my dating pool here is just to small. Any insights are appreciated I definitely will make a list, I am not a super loving guy, yet although I do have a lot of love to give !

@EternalForest OH YES BABY !

@machinegunThese strike me as yellow did not find anything else that for me that is yellow in their overall approach to artistry as well as ideas. Sort of non-linear, meta, chaotic not in a stage red sense yet that there is somewhat an underlying structure to the chaos itself. There is no inherent message or appeal to smth. Djent strikes me as red / orange / yellow sort of A list of genres with stages would be cool to check-out. Unsure what to think about this because this seems more yellow/Turqouise to me in some sense because being seems to be in the foreground.

@itachi uchiha It's understandable definitely worth contemplating for a year reading it I presume will make this process faster. In addition with meditation I presume it produces the most merit. A single book won't help also some of this stuff is nothing new. It's very good when you dabbled a bit into eastern mystecism, David Deida, Yin and Yang, as well as spiral dynamics. I listend to it so far 2 - 4 times it makes more sense now, it's a game changer in a sense, integration of the principles taught in the book is smth. entirely else, so I am still sort of in that process also, my headphones are gone , so can't currently listen to it till I have new ones.

@Rilles They sort of adress these issues in the audiobook mentoning for instance how poverty programms to get the homless of the street do not seem to work, as well as other programms and how counter-intuitive approaches can work, for instance smth. simple such as less is more. They also talk about the second law of thermodynamics and entropy and some equation that is similar to the definition of how stream entry is achieved as well as how important virtue is and sort of the issues with green from my perspective and laissez-faire leadership it's very fun to listen to it. Nice post with the wicked problems gives me another synchronistic event today lol. The dao of systems thinking is freaking awesome def. recommend listening to it. Explains a lot of politics also lol.

@Rilles Audiobook is very good would recommend. The intro to systems thinking audiobook is not so good. Did not read the physical book yet.

@Windappreciator It's hardcore in-group bias healthy green is good. The unhealthy nihilistic meme green is not very healthy. Also, judging people on the forum and calling them Oranges is not very healthy. In case you are interested in talking about details a dialoug is an option. I don't think debates will work lol. I don't think anyone has anything against Green bro. The main issue I see with green is what you post above it's to relativistic, to lenient, blind to differnces, everyone is equal which is from a bigger picture of yellow as well as meta-perspective to shallow. There are key principles to yellow thinking without making this an academic subject. Everyone is right (non-exclusion) Some are more right than others (enfoldment) If you want to do this do that (enactment) There are sure ways as how to get to yellow. So, in case you are interested in that you can practice it. I've done it for the recommended amount of time and I am quiet happy where I am at. It hurts more bothers less to be at higher stages. Yellow can build castles in the air and become impracticle and lost in theory as well as aborted self-actualizations are for instance yellow shadows.

@Heinrich Faust That is interesting I wonder why the authors of SD placed the countries so high on the index usually at 10% there is a tipping point for the society and lower stages adopt the values of the higher, yet the exercise them at their level. So, I don't fully know if 10% of the information elite is at yellow the country could already have some yellow hotspots as well as have adopted yellow values. I've never been to either of the two countries, so I don't know much about them. Most likely it is a positive guestimate. Anyway looking forward to the results of the votes !

@Heinrich Faust I like all of the points above consciouness of the entire spiral is unfortunately unavailable in most people. Mostly the information elite and I am unsure who is that in Ger. Even if europe generally is above the U.S in terms of stages. Teal is yellow+ ! I know about Marx that he wanted to abolish all classes and saw the production means as the main instrument of class division and to give the workers more "capital" in the sense of giving them more access to the production goods. I can sort of see this as a stage orange as well as an green ideal to stop class division. Yet, self-actualizion is not there lol. As a core desire. The bigger picture I feel is Germany's sort of orange success based shadow and it's desire to hord ressources houses,cars,luxurious brands etc. Instead of proper strategic investment and creating opportunities for others to be successful too. They see hoarding as an absolute and survival is instantly threatend here. (Bias) Also, sort of this orange/Green as well as Green/orange consensus of wanting to be recognized as well as having success and enjoying personal freedom. Not caring for instance of the repercussions of consuming, supporting toxic companies and in general to much consensus of everything. Instead of admitting ones interests, few do that. An overall approach that leads people to self-actualizion is missing. As well as ressources invested into that. Fortunately Green is the stage where sprituality is accepted and more experience and being multi-cultural is accepted. I don't know why lol but I have seen more swedes in Germany now than before unsure if this is a sign for solid green. As SD already puts Germany as green without getting into details. IIRC Switzerland is supposed to be yellow.

@Windappreciator No.