ValiantSalvatore

@Lyubov Yes, it's important to include photos which show confidence, adventure, humour as well as social proof or some part of your personality that you cherish very much. I did professional photos and I am above average looking I usually get compliments about being handsome as well as good looking etc. I am 6'3 so in the height department I am doing well. My friend who has been doing online dating for instance loves chemistry and has a picture in a lab coat which works very well etc. I just don't know posting a picture with a stack of books or me meditating would also be good if I want to attract that kind of women as well as this is my authentic interest. Strong and confident body language is also important I just did not research that when I went to the professional photographer and overall they are rather weak for the price I've paid even with a discount because I know her. Also the thread got derailed. I've written to a friend he gave me good advice to send her my number so she has no pressue of adding me and one girl added me right away, because she stopped replying since people are busy. The dating coaches in the course hired professional photographers for their clients and gave some examples the course was in my opinion healthy Orange/Green/ medicore yellow more authentic advice without lying, cheating and manipulating etc. More personality pictures the suit worked very well in a professional shooting displays a lot of confidence with the right body language. Some people can just rock a suit and be authentic and playful. It's more about being a high quality guy with character and a life and displaying that uniquely. Worst pictures are topless etc. The point for me is just applying all of this stuff. The giving my number when she once responded and now is not responding etc. worked for one girl. Becoming a more well-rounded person as well as romantically compatible etc. is the overall value I aim to generate as a human being.

@Illusory Self I skimmed at a couple of videos seems very orange/blue like I've have some friends who are more like this I'll see what is applicable feels kinda inauthentic to skim content will dig a bit deeper. I do have some issue with this content somehow when skimming. I am not like this.

Don't know what happend to the forum my account exploded with matches after i added dont's. I deleted a girl on accident because I did not know what shibari is. I could have done hentai in rl. But okay.

I struggle with the issue of aborting my self-actualization process as well as to continue working in a very structured way on my projects. I can't establish a sleep routine Monday-Sunday for like 3 years or so. I tried and tested different sleep routines and take decent care of sleep hygine. Although I often feel smth. is missing and I give into cravings of for instance watching pornography for hours on end because of a high sex drive. I often feel like I miss spontaneity and I crave it and sort of give into the desire stay up late and play video games etc or listen to music. While others for instance enjoy learning languages etc. When I exchange this for instance with learning languages, programming working on courses etc. I meet my criteria of enjoying self-actualization with enough spontaneity. It is still not easy to not burn-out as well as keep a social life intact. As well as my enviroment aborted a lot of opportunities for instance with language learning and I'd have to pay a school now or learn completely on my own. There are not many intellecutal people here more hard-nosed scientists and pragmatic people. After taking the life purpose course I was highly motivated to create routines and schedules as well as I did all of the exercises I missed updating my values because I felt that it was not neccessary to change them and I trusted my intuition. I do now update and review them as I review the content of the course. I was able to maintain some structure for 3-4month and then I completely break down because of sort of an overfocus and lack of humans to talk to. I do have the issues of for instance talking for 2-3h about a single topic when I meet a friend etc. Especially spirituality and I am usually very enthusiastic, yet I really really struggle with routine and structure although it feels very good to have routine and structure. People usually enjoy this energy and I often land in a sort of leader position which I do not like. As I struggle with the idea of power and feel very tempted by it. Is there another community that meets regularly online for instance for self-actualization purposes most of what I found on the net were accountabillity partners. I use mooclab and other online video stuff to monitor myself when learning and recently this work very well when I try to procrastinate. My sort of lowest desire from my lower self is to be recognized and sort of meet my status needs this can be a simple Hi or a compliment as well as a short positive interaction where there is mutual respect. I do not have this all to often because I can have a whiff of arrogance and I mostly use this in a humerous way. Although many do not share this kind of humour. As well as positive looks that are non-judgemental and non-needy. That kind of attention feels really really good. Also, I stopped educating myself sort of because there is a lack of people who share similar interest I used to send hours of voice mails between a friend of mine about society and politics and this was very very healthy sort of for my ego. As well as I really felt understood. There was also some toxic stuff, so I stopped and things just change so this is not an option anymore. My point is it is very difficult to make this short and percicse because I think a lot I could go in more depth here. I am just going to name a couple of example to explain my current abortion of self-actualization. -------- Ex1: I meet with people who are going to be PH.D's and scientist or at least master degree highly professional people. I could read endless theory and talk about it and have proper intellectual discussion while not taking this stuff so serious although these meetings only happen like once or twice a year. Since I am not fully included yet into that group. Also they don't meet that often etc. I could befriend them one by one etc. Most of them are introverted and have a lot to do. Being with them motivates me to continue with my self-directed learning about biology, politics etc. as I would need my meet to self-actualize with interests. Also, computer science topics etc. Nerdy stuff. As well as talk about practical stuff. Also, I don't have the space to invite people for the kind of activites people crave. Ex2: I read and study completely on my own I succumb to my desire to socialize and prosletyze about the stuff I've read when talking to my casual friends etc. They enjoy listening yet I don't feel nutured because it's like tallking against a brick wall and then the entertainment industry takes over and I slide back into procrastination etc. I neglect my feelings and become depressed. Ex3: It can get to nerdy and I loose myself completely and live like a hermit for months mostly talking to the cashier only saying Hi, Bye. Like an npc. Ex4: I go out and message people I don't care about my studies / goals and meet people who enjoy having fun clubbing, drinking, socializing. I feel guilty for doing it I still do it and have fun and I notice then again balance is an issue. Because I then crave it more. I've been going out since I was 14 this is normal in my citiy/country. (Or was). Ex5: I stick to a healthy routine, eat, cook, improve, work out, talk casually, do my projects and meet my friends. Even if you can't believe it this is very diffcult for me because I lack a variety of friends BUT! I can join multiple groups. Yet, I really focused on having high quality friends in the past years and there are 3 people who I deem as high quality. Even though they have their fuck ups. As well as stick to online communities, yet I feel this online stuff really fucks up the process. -------- The main issue I have is conflicting desires and I am unsure how to meet them. I could go solo into a bar since a friend of mine owns a bar and start talking to girls even two friends of mine just to meet the need for recognition. I know it's shallow, yet I would feel way better then sitting at home alone. Since I know the owners I do have social proof and could see if I could get some numbers besides doing online dating. This also could be to much for my mental to handle. I know the "boring life" where I study read learn and implement 8-10h a day meets my desire for self-actualization. Yet, I seriously lack having fun when I am doing this and I would do better if I'd had a girlfriend and could explore sex etc. Sort of as a desire / motivator. Which I am currently pursuing as a goal to meet women online and have a girlfriend. I also struggle to implement a structure. I just don't know how to fundamentally solve the issue of aborting self-actualization when it comes to my goals and projects with a solid structure I can work 40-60h a week with enough sleep and make enormous progress. I understand that it is fine to take breaks my psychologist is also worried that I overwork myself, yet I can't for fucks sake find a balance here. This craving to not be stuck in 9-5 is so strong I'd often feel I'd rather be dead. As well as I feel most of the time happy doing stuff, yet I can't somehow convince myself to do stuff and work on these projects. Any ideas how to solve this issue permanently? I can't find a solid routine that guarantees results. Visualizations do work writting plans does work, yet I feel so dry and often people abort plans which makes me just sad that I made the effort to even create one and look stuff up.So, I abort it at one point when it feels to dry. ------- The times where I was the most consistent I was taking cold showers and meditated for 1h and did stuff after work/uni. Otherwise it seems impossible for me to do this as well as working out 3 - 5 times a week. I really like to learn and educate myself, yet I feel I am ostracizing myself by knowing more and have issues connecting to others because I see 10k issues. I can understand the value of doing all of this for myself, yet I really like to do stuff for other people although there are some issues here too. One symptomatic solution is psychedelics to spice up my life and do some contemplative work, yet I will do this next year. I just don't know what to do here sometimes I just really crave attention and honest feedback for improvement as well as some small talk. As well as there are some financial issues that would give me simply more access to stuff. For example I talked to hot girl at the gym today and an old classmate of mine which was very good. I don't know I secretly crave attention and to ironically let go of power while being in power. I am just very lost here and I'd really need a serious community online.

@Leo Gura I already applied your advice in advance and took pictures with a professional. I then filtered the pictures with female friends I have. Eban Pagan also mentioned he first got into dating through online daiting unsure he says it for marketing purposes or not, the online course I am doing is from him. But, yes I miss some more fun and adventurous pictures for instance with a group of friends at a table and travel/vacation pictures or something that shows intelligence, confidence, adventure etc. I have one stupid picture with a cat which was also recommended. Also, to put the top pictures infront obviously. I am considering buying a camera, since many people like my pictures etc. I receive compliments for my pictures that I take usually. Just to shoot some solid ones at a vaction etc. Also, if I find any pictures with a group of women for instance that is good if they are casual ! According to the course. I can also impress her via insta that way. To display artistry, taste and presenting my world. Without having to do that in person sort of. I'd have way way more matches in a larger city 140k people live here and the area is quiet large by land for Germany. This is also the stuff that I am working on in the 90 day challenge for the course. I am technically receiving results in advance. Which is good, yet I can be quiet impatient. @Nos7algiK Yes, I agree the point is I don't have a 10/10 picture collage which would made a girl fuck me, the only women in the course talked mostly about the pictures one more introverted and sensitive guy talked about how the pictures do not matter as much mind this course was released in 2005. So, it's very old I am really testing principels here that are timeless also with okCupid. I'd really have to learn that I am very direct and this has sort of worked in the past. Yet, I never gamed. I will make a female profile and see which guys standout also to see what works as messages and which messages are generic nowadays. My meme game etc. Is not very good and my instant messaging also not. I mostly create tension via imagination I presume and taking my time to reply, because I am busy it's also important to communicate that. I mostly bust a women when she only has one picture for how lame and disinteresting she is and this gave me a couple of matches which is good and ask he if she is not more interesting etc. The ideas mentioned by you are very good and I am still contemplating how to implement adventure/myterious/normal person (human) with some bad boy elements. Via text and pictures so there is an overall theme. For instance when I move I can stick with the principles and learned how to attract girls online. Also, for instance I update my profile and text as well as add something new and take it out of the profile apparently this places you ontop of the algorithm for matches. The issue is my instant messaging game I am not instantly witty, I have my days, yet I offend people a lot like a shit ton based ony my viewpoints with spiral dynamics politics how stuff is constructed etc. So, I don't know if you have some advice for instant messaging when she is online I am all ears!

@Leo Gura God, I payed for this course now I'll see what I can do the course gives completely different advice about messages. Also, said mixing it with socializing I'll do some game, after I upgraded my wardrobe. Asked a friend already. God, you are literally going to kill me. Watch me land a gf tomorrow I'd laugh at the irony.

22.10.2021 Posting early Going to the gym Received respone from one women Will finish dating Procrastinated whole day Wrote a couple of messages to girls saw an awesome interesting women Short reflection: Was super insipired today about business and finances just to learn about it and to plan and include multiple subjects it's so boring to do one thing for instance just programming in one language or just programming or just design etc. Yet, I find myself stuck in a rut doing this one thing for to long. Does not inspire me to take action. I thought about the times where I was the most consistent and they included cold showers in the morning and 1h meditation sessions. Somehow that gave me the mindset to just do stuff regardless if I have a craving for variety. Felt also for some reason very confident today texting girls and was more in a playful mood. I'll include some variety in my schedule and see if this works better for instance 4h thesis, 2h kotlin 1h break 4 thesis smth. like this. This stuff does unfortunately take a lot of time with a single thing. I miss some stuff. There are some downward spiral topics that interest me with Hanzi Freinacht and the apparent warfare with stage theory itself. I don't know I love this time of the year very introverted and people usually gather around OMG at the campfire. I am going to meditate only for 10-15 minutes today and go to the gym visit a friend with some alcohol and relax. I am definitely going to take some courses on finances my Prof sent me an article where there is a free course for some basics. I already invested and made some money. Which is good. Going to invest in some media stuff, the stuff with my family really took a toll on me and I am slowly sort of creeping myself back into a more healthy super functional and active life. Sometimes I forget that there are differences lol.

Going to use this as social accountability. Purpose: Honesty, Authenticity, Connection to LP Daily: Mo-Fr: 8h work day report 8h working on thesis 30 min meditation 1h dating challenge (90 days) 4-5 gym a week 10:30 bed max 06:05 wake up Weekly review: Going to post here mainly that I worked 8h a day. This is just important with the amount of procrastination and resistance that I have. Daily check-in to see I am doing what I am interested in doing. So, I don't have the neccessity to post longwinded posts as well as take this more seriously. As well as to keep and track my progress and be honest. This also sort of encapsulates the concepts of progress goals. Making this sort of meta about the concept of progress goals for motivation.

A bit overdue for posting daily: Almost finished the dating course today Applied for a renewal of my passport and my ID Visited my psychologist Did not study today at all Short notes from day: I don't value my time as much as I should do it All of these guys from the dating courses automated their lives for income The courses basically have a lot of common sense that just needs to be applied and tested The master and the beginner might sound similar, yet their level of experience gives them a different perspective The goverment system is odd, somehow I am entried in their system as owning the american as well as the german citizen, although I never applied for the american one. Because of various reason. But hey talking about yellow laws, there seems to be no choice when it comes to laws about taxes etc. ? I can't trade for instance now on trade republic. I am not taking that risk with taxes and laws. Dating notes: Most of this stuff is applied and refined Make at least some copy paste message Be of high value means get her on the phone instantly because you value your time. I am the one who is busy and qualifies her. Touching back and forth game (kino aka cinema ?? ) Maybe it's a dinosaur Empty profile ball bust her on how boring it must be to date her Two women ! Copied my profile for some reason ? It's a marathon people get sucked into the blackhole and are frustrated. It's normal that this happens All of these guys spent at least 4-6h according to their self-statement online dating Again the advice treat her like your best friend Short dates are better to make her qualify for you, again you are the price to be won Be original with all of this stuff Nobody really talked about sex till now and what type of "sex" type the girl is to be a bit flirty and intimate, so that is an issue I saw overall Don't spend to much time sending a message When there is no attraction save yourself the time and move Even if you only have 15 minutes a day give it your best Sunday 10-12 am is supposed to be the best time for phone calls / video meetings ( my idea) reason behind this friday and saturday she goes out and meets all of these "frustrated" men and on sunday she is at home relaxing wondering where a great guy might be Less info create mystery Have some art trick, the guy made a website with stickfigures Competence = Confidence No attraction ? Make her a friend for social circle and clubbing for instance or going to bars Only because it did not work once does not mean it does not work the next time Meet her under the weekday, weekends is for family and friends 10% success rate is very good 1 in 10 girls replies. Things I could do sort of create a meme arsenal and find a meme site that expresses your humour: Send copy paste messages with gifs and links via PC Be on the PC when she is online to C&C qualify her into an instant online meeting somehow This is a 7$ tinder course from one of the guys where one dude stood up and said this guy is amazing with hot girls. http://www.insiderinternetdating.com/tinder/ I'll buy this eventually. I am using okCupid for now. Most of the notes are "principle" based.

@StarStruck That is fine I've done some boolean algebra lol. I don't need to understand everything the ideas are more interesting of how science interpretes the world / universe through mathematics I never really looked at that topic. Techinical usually means interesting for me. Thanks for the mentoning me !

20.10.21 Worked for 3:21h according to my timer Went to gym for 1h (1h dating now ) Woke up late 09:30am approx Made some pictures for my passport and id Audiobook Principles refelection Going to write a summary sort of a a generalized version of what I can recall. The author used the basal ganglia as a key factor as well as part of our brains to create habits and it is part of the lower self. I never heared the biological definition of higher and lower self. The higher self is the hippocampus which executive functions decision making, planning etc. Then there was this MBTi stuff about feeling, thinking etc. I knew a lot about this and contemplated about this and the issue with the model is that it is only cognitive sort it's an sort of orange model to me. The other models author mentioned were more blue / green depending which viewpoint one can take. Did not catch all of it. Searching out people who have different opinions then yours and to talk with them open mindedly was one key principle the author mentioned. Eliminating habits and creating a routine the idea from another course with the basal ganglia explained for me a bit more deeply how immersion works from a biological perspective. That it truely just is an autopilot. This is also an issue with shadow work, shadow work with biology if you do not know how a part works you just don't know and it's in the shadow as these drives force you to do stuff. Also, the author mentioned Freud obviously in connection to drives. The lower drives IIRC still have a stronger impact so it's easier to use them consciously and to eliminate and automate bad habits etc. I stopped most of my bad habits quiet early when I started personal development. The issue with depression is a bit more complicated. Although working out and vitamin d as well as meditation and a "solid" nutrition is helpful. Otherwise there was no real content to reflect besides that pain can be a trigger / tool for contemplation and that was the most important habit the author himself developed. Dating I've sent out a few messages, I do have an issue with making girls want to meet me after the first couple of messages I don't like it that I have to put in that much effort and there are some principles from the dating course that I am doing with the challenge that I can use. My inner game is odd it's on and off at times. The point is I am high in compassion and compassionate girls really like me, yet take the biggest idiot on the planet as a boyfriend and will regret it down the line. Doing the dating challenge now. Content from yesterday. Be more interesting ! I do have the issue with my social profile that I could create the most elaborate and cool profile from the principles I've read for instance. Creating a nice little profile could be appropriate for online dating. I mainly used my insta for vacation pictures and travel pictures. Yet, all of these plans fell flat. More positive stuff, there is an opening to do this more. Also, from the course yesterday I am soon done and will then implement and report. The course is supposed to be done 3 times to do it appropriately. Princples for online dating: Scan for crazies eliminate them Best virtual online dating simulator there is on the planet Be authentic as you are playful and funny Gather experience with text Take picutres that are interesting and socializing Constantly use contradiction / paradox Treat her as your best friend You are the price to be won Figure out strengths and weaknesses Create a profile that stands out, scan the competition be different and be "effective" Don't only be different WOWW - as a generalization Be positive and don't write for instance lonelyguyfromTexas033 Pick only a few things to work on Professional photos Be interested in the person / women not body etc. For now what I intuit I could upgrade my translation from text to date. As well as being more sexual and calibrating I am usually quiet romantic in my fantasy, yet fantasy is not reality. Being hyperrealistic takes some basal ganglia training lol. What is good is that the virtual dates are a good screen. Other issue might be the app I have to swipe 90% of the content almost.

@JosephKnecht Alright, thanks I'll give it a shot at one point sounds feasible lol. @Seraphim https://www.youtube.com/c/DanWinterFractalField/videos Is that the correct Dan Winter ?

I don't know how much bias there is to this, I find different ideas, yet this guy basically created the idea of race itself. https://www.facinghistory.org/resource-library/ranking-humankind https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johann_Friedrich_Blumenbach https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2151154/ Mostly, Blumenbach’s writing retained a scientific stance, but he exposed his bias on beauty when he wrote that the Causasian skull of a Georgian female was the “most handsome and becoming.” He stated that the most beautiful people live in the Southern slope of Mount Caucasus—that is, the Georgian people. He then speculated on the origins of humans and made his second error, by going beyond the available evidence. White, to quote Blumenbach, “we may fairly assume to have been the primitive colour of mankind.” His reasoning was that it is easy to change from white to brown but not vice versa. Time has shown that this view was wrong. These errors were not the result of colour prejudice. Blumenbach refuted the notion that Ethiopians were inferior to other races. Blumenbach wrote favourably about “negroes,” extolling their beauty, mental abilities, and achievements in literature and other fields. He pointed to variations in opportunity as the cause of differences. His viewpoint on Africans was out of tune with that of the times6 and more in line with that seen during the movements for civil rights and equality in the 1960s. I am not getting / becoming very smart from reading this. Although this bias is extremely constructed. It's like nerdy and bookish girls liking Harry Potter looking dudes and girls who like fantasy liking Harry Potter type dudes or equatting it with every fantasy novel read. I ask myself if there ever is a black guy. For instance or the person can truely distinguish high value and virute lol. Media is also not doing a good job portraying bias. See every horror movie for instance 10 years ago or so. Black dude dies first so funny. I can't help but laugh, because the notion is retarded. I am bi-racial and the concept of race itself as well as some other ideas are just so shallow. I do agree I have a bias towards dating people who are also multinational / bi-racial because there is a familiarity in experience. Yet, people take this for granted also this is so rare to find. Having lived in China not dating there, I don't think it's as much of an issue, for younger people older people are much much worse. In south korea I went into a black hip-hop club on accident because I was invited to a birthday party from people from the philipenese. Although the ignorance about racism is very very obvious when living there (China). A bit to obvious, yet many modern people don't have an issue at all ! I have seen different videos where people think it's fine. -------- I received even a match from a chinese girl and an indonesian girl so far. As well as with black girls and mostly white girls because that is just the majority here etc. As bi-racial you could say there is the "bi-racial" advantage. Why bias does not really work for bi-racial people https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-between-worlds/201706/biracial-dating-in-monoracial-culture The point is beauty itself is the preference and I like symmertry I could care less where the person is from as long as there is some form of secularity present. People have preferrences the question is how strongly are they evoked by bias itself fetishising people from different countries and places is disgusting in my point of view like seeing them as goodesses and gods. Having a preferrence is fine. Not seeing that the preference is myopic as well as not very holonic is unfortunate. It's always like this the most racist people are the least racist. -> Reject bias for strong attraction The least racist people are the most racist. -> Deny bias for personal preference I don't know I created a love map through a course and I know what I like I based it more on virtue and characteristics. I mean physically it won't change that much for the standard model male lol. As well as the idea of DNA and the concept race is just retarded at one point. Not denying differences, yet making it an absolute is retarded. IIRC it has some value in medicine. But, whatever I doubt someone really makes an effort to dig all of this up. As an example of ignorance of history/race/education The pull and woreship towards western culture and hollywood is very strong from what I experienced in Asia. They tell me a black/white dude that they are thankful that Germany apologized for the second world war. What am I supposed to think as a "Germerican" lol ?? As well as constant talk about superhero movies and stuff like this I don't know what to think of it so far. Meditation and awarness of my internal thoughts helped me to deal with bias on my end lol. As it was culturally indoctrinated.

@JosephKnecht Is this readable without having a strong maths background ?

19.10.21 Worked for 1h41 min, 2h on thesis (Made odd progress) Stuff worked, yet makes it more complex. Talked to coach for 2h Went to gym for 1h (1h dating now ) Woke up late 09:30am approx --------------- Short review from the audiobook principles that I listend to while in the gym. Get reviews and feedback from people who can see your weaknesses. Practice radical open-mindedness which means listening first. (Seek first to understand then to be understood) Agree to disagree. Identifiy problems. Identifiy solutions. Do these steps one by one not all together. Where is your weakness and how can you solve this root problem ? Pain is used as a reflection tool. Either immediately or after it has subsided. Work on strength and identifiy strengths and weaknesses. Design first before implementing. People are wired differently understand that. Be radically transparent be honest about your weaknesses. Clear goals. Be hyperrealistic, be a dreamer, "doer", realist Self-accountability -> results, honesty Priorities. Humility can create solutions. By asking the right people and being open-minded. We can't achieve every goal ( I like this because this Brian Tracey stuff is not working out so much with weekly goals) I stopped after 1 or 2 weeks. To many goals. What is my strength from the concepts the guy used in his book ? My strength is planning definitely and my weakness is execution of my plans. Another weakness of mine is apathy Results from the short coaching session The guy is not a legit/certified coach, he has experience as a gifted person and is also highly sensitive, I do not care so much about the concepts, as well as the concept of IQ. I am ,ore liberal and in favour of the multiple intelligences approach from Howard Gardner. Yet, I might get an advantage when applying for an uni etc. for masters if I truely want to do smth. scientific... I've let go from the concept of IQ a lot. The concept caused me more harm than good. It helps me currently to learn and deal with this human experience of mine and that most of the things I am doing is correct. He gave me the impetus to sit down in the morning and to dive into my emotions of apathy to sort of disentangle them. Also, he said it's fine to procrastinate, this won't solve my root issue. He says he has the same issue and the topic was high sensitivity this time and he gave me the advice to sit with my emotions, we sort of both reflected ( he is certified gifted mensa member and yes it's not important lol for him too ! We just have almost an identical experience with stuff including psychedelics etc.) also to get into nature and I might do that more to relax. The audiobook gave me some motivation. Saw a hot girl in the gym who was not shy of holding eye contact with me for a tiny bit and we crossed roads a couple of times. Looked into SES a bit looks less complex than ROT. Audiobook is good for keeping me on track and currently does not trigger this burn-out effect when I become to obsessive. 1h dating for now. Any insights from retreat ? No, the issue with intellectualizing can be an issue when it comes to dealing with emotions. Had again the "realization" that when I would truely devot myself to becoming conscious it would be 1000000% more fullfilling than an ordinary life. Leo's blog Notice this: the deeper you love, the more it kills you. Which is why you fear loving too deeply. Love kills the finite identity by replacing it with an ever-expanding, infinite identity. And if you could no longer identify yourself as any finite thing, you'd be dead. Hence Infinite Love = Death This in a wicked way is beautiful Shinzen has the same "idea" approach love yourself to death somewhere in his script or descriptions similar to appreciating yourself and sense gates to death. Matched with a girl 92% match again she made me laugh internally from my heart wrote a long message. Dating course for now I'll apply principles as much as possible.

@Raphael I do 100% I try to enjoy my "cosmic address" as well as possible. The mind clings to know and wants to hold things as beign certain no matter how useful the model is. The map is unfortunately not the territory. Although it helps to navigate the territory. I notice also that just sheer emotionality is lacking when it comes to depth when applying thinking about any model. Also, it's not easy to break out of this practical mind as well as spininng concept over concept. The full nihilist "atheist" perspective is to see the beauty in the futility of it and to feel this is very hard to do. I notice this everytime I post here and this is one reason I want to post more beautiful stuff, and emobdy more emotionality it's about Love and Truth. The truth might not be as sweet as love, as well as there are some issues with meaning creation. Let alone trauma, relationships, unable to see the unity in differences. Conditoning the body, toxic chemicals w/e. You can read maps leading to non-duality and they are great for guidance and having reference material. It does sometimes feel like life is an simulation in order for us to gather experience. I mean How are we even alive ? This is now some sci-fi stuff. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Filter https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kardashev_scale There is so much complicated stuff out there just enjoying the map noticing helps alot. I also cling to certainity of knowing, yet I feel this is mostly like an emotional game. There is way way more models and maps besides just spiral dynamics and the 9 stages of ego development. The entire pathologies of Tier 3 are listed in ROT. I can't tell how useful this is, as well as applicable. I had the issues forgetting about the practicals about when I looked into every theory that exists, even if I do not understand it. There is alot of value and I notice this more to understand and implement things systemically and solve the root cause in ones personal life, especially emotionally. There are also some issues gauging stages when it comes to development. As the emotional line is amiss completely with most people. As this is one core pillar to be integrated.

@universe Thanks for the help ! I've did the sedona method a couple of times it worked quite well. Although I stayed with Shinzens techniques for simplicities sake as well as for the purpose of mastery. Eventually I'll turn back to the book, I've did the practices through online sources did not listen or read the book yet.

Hola ! I received now the same feedback twice times from two girls who I consider high quality and I am a bit aggrevated that I lost them, because I lost an overall momentum to my life as gating better at dating etc is a goal that I have this year. I am currently doing online dating and I receive approx. 2-3 matches a week. I don't know if this is good as well as bad, my profile is not perfect. There is still tons of information to consume, yet I am very driven to get results. At the sametime a day approach or smth. similar I am currently don't feel that I am that stable as well as my energy is placed into other projects. For now my goal is to get better at online dating and dating itself not a day approach. Relationships, what I mean is I can't handle that much failure, because I am failing and learning in other ares, this is sort of failure management. (Insert bigger excuse) My question is what is a sure way to establish a connection as well as what stops building a connection ? I watched this and I don't quiet understand what I am doing wrong I make most of my dates laugh and I am unsure how emotional people perceive me, I get so many mixed messages sometimes that I am unsure where I can improve besides establishing a solid connection. Girls either told me that I lack emotionality as well as there is no connection, yet I make them laugh and we have fun most of the time. What is a good way to establish a connection as well as what is a good ressource to look into ? I hold eye contact usually quiet well and I talk slowly for building attraction I focus on building positive energy, yet I never focused on connecting with the other person when I focus on connecting with the other person I feel I often become a wussy and I am unsure if I can perceive this vulnerability as strength. Any feedback here for this issue ? I usually also let go of results. When I am being spontaneous etc. I feel I am often to much I have very high-strung energy and people often can't stand that level of enthusiam as well as pure intensity that just look at me like a deer caught in headlights. As well as being very feminine in that way can make me very critical and slighty snappy. I don't know if this is good. The point is I do have issues to be balanced emotionally available for people, it's either like I am a total empath understand and feel every emotion as well as I am a total psychopath and could not care less about anything besides myself. Also, the knack is that I am mostly meeting up virtual first to scan the person and to not waste each others time and I am unsure how to build a connection there as well as the other date that I met physically. My main issue is what most people perceive as "depth" emotional "depth" deep topics is all so shallow now since I've done alot of self-actualization / meditative work as well as a lot of sh*t happend the last year, so I do have issues empathizing to protect myself. Is smth. as simple as considering taking sometime to put myself in the others person shoe worth it ? As well as putting in the intention to connect with the other person ? I've been hurt a lot in my life and I did a lot of shadow work around this, I still could subconsciously just be very "rigid". I as well as I could completely let go of expectations and was being more non-judgemental, present, acceptant, I feel this is also very good. The point is I really love strategy and I would love to have better results at building a connection. I watched the video above before I went on the date a week or so and I am often scared to be emotionally manipulated, because I meet some f*ed ppl. Although the dates were very very ultra clean in that sense, I am just scared to be vulnerable. Am I answering my own question or is there more to it ? For instance and I am typing this lol is building a connection ? Considering we meet first virtual and this is the second date. Holding hands Touching her slightly Brushing her hair slightly away to go for a kiss Treating her as I would my best friend to establish a connection Having fun Being non-needy Is this also part of emotional connection and am I being a rigid technocrat here ?

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth Work is play

@universe Thank you for the advice here ! I used to be very good at this. This is beautiful definitely will practice tuning more into the emotions of the other. The point is I admit there is a lot of envy when it comes to this for me I noticed especially since I stopped gratitude practices. Definitely will attune and calibrate when it comes to dates and feel more internally. I somehow feel I do do that, yet there apparently is some disconnect I will do this more and ask more about emotional experiences. Especially since I am doing a positive minded-meditation practice. This is also gold ! Definitely will practice that advice, when I revisit the entire date in my head I completely forgot because we seemed so similar to tune into the others emotion. The one time I did it I made her laugh about unicorns. That was freaking funny. This might seem like an odd questions, yet what about negative emotions tuning into that and then moving towards love and fun again ? Also, sort of attuning myself to her emotional state. Btw, if you know any good books on this would love to read one or two. Besides stuff from Deida. I believe the important part for my logical driven skull, is realzing to feel it with her ! Thanks again for the advice !

@hyruga That is to simplistic almost lmao. Thanks for the perspective I'll keep it in mind.

@flowboy That definitely helps alot lol. Thank you for the advice/insight !! I am quiet intuitive, yet not to that level. When it comes to internal emotions. Depending on how conceptual this can be more FI from MBTI experiences are not unfamiliar to me. Yet, I can digest emotions also very quickly and then forget. I don't bottle up emotions as primary FE as INFJ. So I usually express what I feel. Somehow I still miss a connection that is more implicit. My date told me she felt uncomfortable holding eye contact and I can cry basically looking at a plant sometimes just looking at the sheer beauty of that, when I really get into it. This costs a lot of energy though. With music I can facilitate that. I gave my best shot at beign at being and letting go of concepts, yet some are also quiet saiposexual even to culture let's say and I do have an issue with history at the moment lmao. I can't change that, yet that book really pissed me off. Btw, I love giving feedback ! So I can post more content when I get more dates. When I read all of these books and listen to all of this spiritual stuff, healthy sexuality is missing so badly and I don't think post-modernism, "nazi-feminism", toxic masculinty is helping. I've been sort of demonized for being masculine which can be an issue still I feel. As I am being honest in a sense. Sincere words are not very nice. A tier 2 model about personality could give more insight..., yet again I am just going off on intuition here. I will definitely notice more when we are connecting with the same emotions because I really felt we did not, I did not experience these things as intensly as her. Also, I was paying so much attention to being in my head. Moving more into my body often I feel people just think I am stupid or smth. and this make me reluctant to get into my "feel space". Although I am quiet emotionally open, even if it does not seem like it paradoxically. It's just I need a little help to break through this shell. As I am doing a meditation currently that evolves tuning into emotions more. This might sound odd, I experienced alot of "suffering" I mostly connect through the suffering of others. Which might seem an odd way to connect, yet like an old adage says: "misery loves company". I don't know I can explain it like this when I tune in emotionally with dudes for instance and friends they will ask me constantly what is wrong afterwards, because I am stil digesting all of what was said as well as the whole emotional field. I never heard of this concept till now thank you for that. This is gold ! I could give a simple answer even though it might seem emotionally crude. Attraction = connection Intimacy = romance Connectedness = depth/"spirituality" Horniness = lust I do have a strong affinity for attraction romantically I feel like I've been abused lol.

@universe Thanks for the feedback ! Could you give an example that would involve her emotions ? I usually talk about her hobbies and interests and become fascinated by it, yet like I said it could be to intense for others. I am not a very "smooth"/"cold" person and I do have very high levels of energy even when I feel bad this is latent. I can give a personal example. When I went on the date with one girl let's call her Sarah I talked "alot" about her interests about Japan and Japanology. Yet, it was difficult for me to build an emotional connection, because she did not watch all to many animes although she liked them. I watched alot during my teens as well as a kid and still watch from time to time. As well as I have a very strong affinity for japanese culture, yet I have never been there. The point is without getting into theory lol. Is it then better to keep talking for instance about her interests and asking questions (what I usually did), to build a connection. I usually then start to reveal smth. about myself with works and is related to the topic. For instance having lived in China etc. visiting South Korea etc. Then letting it rest at that and enjoy being together? Till sh*t tests start to test commitment and character. For me it is difficult to pay attention after reading spiral dynamics for the X amount of time, there is no "real" profundity for me anymore in culture, it is interesting, yet it takes me a lot of energy to empathize I am strongly introverted. Although if there are not cross-cultural references I just get lost. In being bored and I then remind myself to have fun. My sort of convoluted answer as well as question is how the hell do I talk about her and my emotions lol? I try to avoid it because I become very emotional most of the time and my memory starts going bonkers. When I open up emotionally currently I could cry instantly. There are so many practices that I would like to enjoy doing with my girlfriend/partner for intimacy, it's a bit annoying. I can't just come right of the bat and say. "HEY ! I am interested to give you a cervix orgasm ! " As well as have sex for 2h. This is sort of what I mean I have issues with being emotional. I can't express it fully currently. ------------------------------ @PepperBlossoms Again without getting into theory. Because I would prefer doing that with a partner. I'll sort of talk around the multiple-models. I'll be specific. High quality about them was master degree+ meaning they either did their masters as well as were involved in phd programms. High self-maintenance, striked the 5 stars of the 5 stars of a relationships. For e.g willing to go back to love, taking care of oneself physically and mentally, sexual attraction and the two other stars. High in compassion ! Which is an absolute turn on for me. Green+ values. I am also way above average in compassion for a male. From a male perspective good looks, hygine, not very neurotic, relaxed character, acceptant, non-judgemental, culturally open, ( I am bi-racial), I really love reddish hair both had reddish hair. They have goals and seemed interested in co-creation, although the distance and my current situation is an issue. As well as both of them knew also this is mostly about experience, although this is an assumption. No, there is nothing that they were doing that I'd like to be more like, I automatically choose this pattern subconsciously based on my persoanlity type. Most of these things I am working on. Finishing projects, automating habits, being more goal centric, sticking to priorites, exploring hobbies, going on adventures etc. All of these things were things we had in common. I presume. Just apparently the connection part is missing. I am unsure if this is a commitment issue on my part somehow. If there is smth. missing that I would be chasing it is living together with a person that I love. Yet, that is currently just not possible, without the right person. Agree. This is one perspective that I have this is mostly about experience, like this post is about experience, sort of tackeling the root issue / wicked problem and to solve. It when I receive the same feedback twice from two high quality women. There is smth. wrong here. So, again I am already gaining more experience just by writing this post. Again, agree I miss some photos, this is mostly me being self-critical I do have issues letting go of perfection. Even if it might does not look like it when I type. Simple answer again from a male perspective, a girl would never date a guy who has lower self-confidence IMO. Besides for other more nefarious reasons. I am actively working with my therapist currently, yet she is a bit overwhelmed by the sheer amount of content and practices that I know. The therapy itself improves stability and my self-confidence is above average. Although it definitely dwindels when talking to super hot 10/10 girls with phd's which I did not yet meet lol. Lovely ! Yes, I just finished a book about GRIT. This is a very good reminder. I will summarize now because this will take away a lot of my time and I can answer this more quickly when I can generalize. Main points/Themes: Rigidness Shallow conversation Values,interets, connection takes time Trial/Error connection Being more natural Vulnerability High energy partner Personal stuff Relationship asking them if they are interested in one Lack of connection / seriousness 1. Me being rigid is mostly due to deeply subconscious believe I do have a pretty large scar that is not visible, and having to play the role in society of being competent etc. This has mostly served me quiet well and it is not easy to let go of that although I constantly see it. I presume just further meditation and awareness will eventually take care automatically of this pattern. 2. Shallow conversations is the issue that I prefer to build intimacy through practice for instance mentioned from David Deida. I've sent one girl even two of the books, because she was highly interested in that, yet she somehow perceived me as inept. Which is understandable when I have no one to practice with besides my self lol. Yet, she was sort of unable to see the paradox in her choice. 3. Values, interests, connection takes time. I agree I find it a bit unreasonable to expect from a guy the be the magical be it all and create this massive connection. I mean I also fell in love and I can see why regardless of gender, identity etc. One would be interested in that, yet I find it odd that I am the only one who has a list of values hanging in his bathroom and as well as listed in his dating profile, and I feel like I can do 10x amount of the work because the other person is unaware. Unsure what to think about that ? Besides that letting go of expectations which I do and gaining more experience. Just accepting this things move slow helps me. This is also an issue that I have and will be working on to just be a bit more slower, yet I feel people then notice (especially compassionate ppl...) how much pain there is inside of me and it makes me very uncomfortable. 4. Trial/Error and connection. Yes, I definitely will make more sexual advance because somehow girls are okay with me touching them. 5. Being more natural. Is the advice I received most often and it never really worked in a sense. What I hate about is that I feel everyone then is copying me when I am being natural and I really really hate this and I am unsure if I am being paranoid. Altough I presume people just like me somehow. Spontaneity and being natural just happens I can't force it. When it happens it's great. So, I do feel I could work on my personality to be more natural as well as be more natural to work on my personality. Which bascially means gaining more exposure and experience. I could just let go of forcing, yet when I act sort of on my instincts I often received a rejection this is why it's an issue for me to be natural. Unsure what do do here. 6. Vulnerabillity. Again from a male perspective it is not easy to balance this I've read Breene Browns book about vulnerabillity and I praticed that ever since, what people perceive as my authenticity is sort of this vulnerabillity, yet showing this at the wrong moment can make you look like a nice guy. So, it's not easy to balance that. Teal Swan has a good video on this. 7. High energy partner. Yes, finding a high-energy partner would be awesome also would facillitate co-creation because I am more interested in depth in a relationship that is monogamous. To practice depth and to gain depth. As this seems to be the case. 8. Personal stuff. I am sort of always working on that as well as I can. So, this is taken care of the question rather is if the other person can accept me as I am. Because I can and I don't tolerate a lot of bullsh*t manipulative behaviour. 9. Relationship. I am definitely going to ask this more straight off the bat and check interest. The girl that I was dating told me she was highly interested in 1-one-1 relationships. Yet, I consumed so much personality theory. I notice that I put her into a box and everything seemed predictable and working myself into a flow-state is not easy currently physically. Because I am basically waiting for an operation for my knee which I put on hold based on panic making from doctors, as well as having no one to properly talk to. So, this is my core personal issue right now that won't easily resolve itself. As well as I presumed I was just not being sexual. 10. I legit do not know what is causing this disconnect besides not focusing on connecting because I fear that I am being put into a friendzone because people legit tell me everything when I start connecting it has become so boring to listen to X secret in a sense. I am very serious and I learned to let go and have fun, I am just realy unsure how to build a solid emotional connection. I presume mostly that the connection issue might be sexual for me, because I don't know why I get away with some of the stuff as well as a 7h date. I just received so much rejection from people since I was small even if you are stage non-dual working through this can be an issue. My take away is to be more sexual ask about interest in relationship and advance faster in sense I would also be more natural and be more aggresive, since I do have a quiet aggressive (non-toxic) character meaning I really want what I want most of the time. As well as I want to move forward and gain experience. At the sametime I fear rejection so I am sort of in this push and pull dynamic with myself do I do it ? Do I not do it ? When I do not do it then what will happen and this is mostly about sexual stuff and somehow I can get away there with some stuff. I become then very rigid. More dates would definitely give me more insights. Thanks for the feedback ! I am definitely quiet serious about this and the books really really annoy me to read because it is nothing new, and my dating pool here is just to small. Any insights are appreciated I definitely will make a list, I am not a super loving guy, yet although I do have a lot of love to give !

@EternalForest OH YES BABY !

@machinegunThese strike me as yellow did not find anything else that for me that is yellow in their overall approach to artistry as well as ideas. Sort of non-linear, meta, chaotic not in a stage red sense yet that there is somewhat an underlying structure to the chaos itself. There is no inherent message or appeal to smth. Djent strikes me as red / orange / yellow sort of A list of genres with stages would be cool to check-out. Unsure what to think about this because this seems more yellow/Turqouise to me in some sense because being seems to be in the foreground.