ValiantSalvatore

@flowboy I dunno, I always end up in the center somehow. What does that mean? Most of the pictures I am in the center, mostly I am put into the back center because of my height so other people can still be seen. Basically I am in all pictures in the middle. Yet, I am clearly noticeable. I can send you the pictures also.

@mememe I don't know I would make the whole process more complicated since I don't think society has a good relationship with the word effort. Everyone wants stuff the easy way and I learned that when I put in the neccessary hours I get the results that I want I do often push away and ignore positive feedback as it is just good and not excellent and my perfectionism kills me in a sense, even though I focus on the process and let go of the end result as much as I can. I do get more depression then anything, when I am like this basically for me the cycle is. Either overpreperation or procrastination disregarding effort, disregarding luck, positive feedback sometimes ignore and push away and sometimes accepting it. Depression because I don't feel I live up to my potential. Then worry starts again and the complete cycle. --- I like competent feedback I sought after it a couple of years back very often, yet I feel I exhausted this and often times I already know what I am doing wrong it's just during stressful times where I seek feedback when I am really lost on something. I still am in favour of feedback and receiving constructive postive/negative feedback. Some people just have more experience giving feedback as many like to feel powerful and useful / give value without considering the whole. So I feel it can be frustrating when asking for feedback and receiving it, sometimes it's also to utopian and demanding it really hurts to go through this process of correcting ones mistakes.

@Leo Gura For me it's mostly leading/organizing people as well as software engineering I like to take charge and ask people for their problems and solve them as well as solve problems on my own. Yes, I did not have much success in life therefore I abort the mastery process very often shortly before I have success or smth. serious happens. operation, people die, other stuff. That is true I often focus on others, yet imposter syndrom is very common in tech.

@mememe I don't think inspiring people is the way to go it's more about impacting people with it. Yes, one of my goals was to be a part-time meditation teacher at one point and offer guidance or offer it at a company as a certified teacher. I never thought about causing a revolution etc. Inspire millions I want to impact people directly in my immediate enviroment and gave them a good taste. So, all processes run more fluently I notice this often. It's like Shinzen would say people are on "auto" and more in alignment with acting conscious because I act conscious. That is basically it. --- It's more about being a leader and I find it difficult sometimes to stomach my hyopcracy as well as my own level of self-criticsm. I am scared that I am not integrous enough. As I already meet people who are corrupted and it hurts and I want to do it in the technology scence as I believe people have very honest intentions, obviously it depends on the company etc.

@Thought Art Hopefully I am so tired of this meritocracy vibe and external well-being culture. Let's take device X and shove it up our buts so we can analyze our analdensity. That is true I wish I could hold a state like that so my problems don't seem like problems anymore. I do have an issue letting go as I am harshly judged by society and people consistently question and shame you for that. That is also one reason I like night clubs as there are less social boundaries and I feel I can let go more. I really could do need some travel and psychdelics it was all planned, yet this dating stuff is an issue as well as Corona and staying in contact with people. Thanks for sharing love. Love you too mate! ❤️❤️

What does the first sentence mean? Yes, when I am working I feel the happiest. Why I am paradoxical, what makes me paradoxical, when I am paradoxical. I can give you answers to all of these, yet it's all very nuanced and depend on the situation. Saying that I am a paradoxical person and holding that as a loose concept that is not absolute truth makes the situation easier to understand. It just is the way it is. If you want and need theory to understand these you can read about the Enneagram I am a w5. 5's are very intense and want to understand stuff on a deep level. I feel the most alignment with my LP when I can be obsessive and in a flow state, the word might make it difficult to understand because my conception of the word itself is different. Most people would equate it with being neurotic. I am not a very neurotic person. It's just passion taken to the next level. Also, I don't have the believe people can't be helped that is your assumption on your part not mine! I generally notice people are very open to receive help, some demand more competence than others and need help from more competent people. I can't let an amateur do heart surgery, it depends on the situation, yet I bet an amateur could bind a wound. I don't hold any of the believes you say, that is a very strong projection. My thought process is completely different, when it comes to helping people. I just mostly observe what is and ask myself what I can do that is it. That is what fundamentally zen thought me, more to ask what is true about this situation or what just is present. The service part is very good! Thinking about my own joy I think I have been shamed for that partially as I experience emotions so intensly others can't keep up with that level of energy. It's like a hardcore dunning-kruger effect, do you see what I mean with paradoxical? Imagine feeling like you just have taken psychdelics without even taking psychdelics and others suddenly wondering where that energy comes from. It was there the whole time, subtle physical joy etc. I was a bit to much focused on service to others instead of thinking about myself and my own joy as the demands that I'd make are very difficult for people to set into action. I can't be like hey you there just turn up 180 as you are one hell of a boring person to talk to. That is not in alignment of "respectully" working with truth. I clearly notice that my words don't seem to represent what they represent for you. Obsessive and intense for me is passion and joy, I use these colloquial terms, as this is how it looks to onlookers, yet it's just not the case. I am experiencing joy I hate this subtle form of shaming. It's about intensity and depth. Obesession for me is the feeling of OMFG I love doing this and I can't stop. Instead of OMFG I HAVE TO, I MUST DO THIS etc. I did a ton of shadow work and currently I have natural releases I don't need to do much shadow work anymore, I talked to some people I could of course benefit from an intensive, yet from what I've read and people I've talked to I did to much of this and I found a way how this ressolves naturally, it's a slower process, yet it helps. Currently it is hindred by an injury. Mostly it feels like my needs are not meet and that makes me angry, as I have a strong desire for competencey. I don't mind being vulnerable, yet people are not used to be around vulnerable people, I can basically feel into my wounds and cry like I am doing now and I have tears in my eyes. That is how sensetive my nervous system is and what people don't get. It's not that I want to become.... another person.... it's about evolving and transforming the person that I am. I do have a strong painbody around anger as my parents projected as well as society projected that emotion a lot onto me. So anger/hatred can be a form of rejection is I agree and it turns into hate if my needs are not meet or I can't express to another person how I truely feel. This is enough for now... Thank you for your comments!

@catcat69123 I don't think you understand close to 1% of what I feel. Not even close to 1%. You don't also understand what I wrote and I am tired of explaining people stuff they don't get. This is not very helpful as you don't understand anything basically neither how I feel neither what I wrote. Did you even do the life purpose course? @Gianna I am one of the most believe free persons you'll most likely meet, you can argue back and forth. There are so many assumptions and trust me I notice any assumption a person will make. Basically what you have been describing is smth. that I have been doing the past 3 weeks. Letting go, no plans etc. There is some value in the question of "What feels like relief to you?" I thank you for that, yet I am a very paradoxical person. Going to the gym or even working can be a relief to me, the biggest relief that is not considered an activity for me would be travelling. The point is this letting go mentality caused more issues, then thinking and planning. Thinking and planning is a tool. I let go of that tool also, the issue is I don't feel any alignment towards my life purpose anymore, because I don't feel I can impact others. As they are way to dense with their ideas I consistently get that impression, it's as if radical openmindedness is just an excuse to believe whatever you want instead to shatter believes and biases and it's just about authority and status as well as skill. Your advice has some value. I never had an "have to" mentality. I am not that kind of person, even if it seems like it. As I see this as needy. I can be obessessive and intense that is a difference. I did a do-nothing/choiceless awarness meditation for 2 1/2 years approx. for 1h as well as did a zen retreat. Truely doing nothing and being spontaneous feeling a zen bounce is something completely different. Currently I experience a good amount of hatred. That is one issue I have. The concerns I have are more practical. I also ask you this did you do the life purpose course?

@catcat69123 I don't think it's that simple. I can easily let go of my LP. The issue is I start hating the concept of it. There have been times I completely to let go of it. I get the same answer over and over again.

@SonataAllegro Yeah, it was more interesting for me to impact them as a leader in a company and have integrity making decisions etc. Working on consciouness itself as it weaves itself automatically into the process for me it was less breaking them out of it, but impacting them with consciouness basically giving them direct hits. As you generally make better decision etcs. Converting them was never the goal, yet inspiring them somehow does not feel like the right thing to do. Consciouness generally is more important, yet I am also not interested to let go of the entire materialistic paradigm, I do enjoy my superficiality from time to time indulging in materalistic pleasures, yet I don't make it my life goal. I have materalistic goals, there is a place for that or aspirations. I dunno I feel a bit better now. Talking this over thx for some level of clarity. @mememe I would have done this if this would have been an option as well as I am changing soon. To be more in alignment with my LP.

@Yarco I re-do and recently re-did my values. I have notes almost verbatim that I can look into, so I don't have to look at the videos. Redoing the whole course does not feel valuable, as my notes are very good. I listen to sections where I feel stuck and re-read sections where I am stuck. My values are fine, my life purpose is even fine, yet I really hate that I am not getting on track with it at all. As well as I tweaked my zones of genius. My strengths have consistently stayed the same. Which is love of learning, curiosity, citizienship, fairness, humour and playfulness. I also did some of this work before even having started the course on my own accidentally. My strengths stay about the same. For me the issue is hating the people that I want to impact currently, as many are just stuck in their survival paradigm. I could switch the statement to subtely impacting instead of inspiration although I wanted to be inspiring, yet I notice it does not have the impact that I want. I am just tired of this fake well-being productivity culture of people not recognizing that all of this is internal and then they blame externalize blame and tell others not to do it, while walking this performative contradiction. Life can't be a consistent performance and meritocracy. As if the new box thing will help you with sleep etc. I really want to be a guiding light, and an expert in topics relating to a.i as I am passionate towards society as a whole and it's dangers I think that is very exciting. Yet, it feels like it's so far away and people missunderstand everything I say close to everything lost in details. I am no where near this and I really do have a love towards software engineering. It's just I feel in this country I am not treated properly (Germany) as a software-engineer. As for instance in S.F or Seattle. I followed the niche that was available to me which was mobile development and I do like it, I just hate to associate myself with users thinking of user needs etc. People are such a**holes with their needs and corrupted I really do not want to have anything to do with it. I frankly hate usabillity engineering ui/ux research as it is to close to people. Yet, I have to do parts of it and I am even good at it. I just don't like it. --- The other issue I have is with indepedence, yet currently I just don't feel any passion anymore towards mobile development, yet I need it for now otherwise I won't have career capital. I am more passionate abou consciouness, yet I also really need experience working within a company, I just feel very depressed that there is close to 0 encouragement and emphasis on this, as this hinders my consciouness development a lot.

@LordFall Allright I'll send you some stuff today/tomorrow.

@LordFall Mixed groups are fine? Because I have more mixed group pictures to display I am a social dude. No, I just think the picture is funny, because the two most attractive girls are trying hard to look very good. I always trolled them at the office and I feel that would set the player frame a lot of my friends laughed at the picture, because I look so stoic and that I am surrounded by so many women. In a sense it's organic I wanted to post it in an "array" of multiple of "polaroid pictures", since they have been printed/shot in polaroid. With a Polaroid camera. I can send the pictures to you (polaroids). For feedback would be nice as I even wanted them to be included in my dating profile. I asked friends they said no, maybe one out of the 4, yet I want to post all 4 as a memory post. Also, thank you for the effort for posting the IG channels! My travel pictures are certianly not shot with a camera of that level as well as "artistry". I'll use the channels to sort out the wheat from the chaff.

@aurum Thx, I'll lost my WeChat a longtime ago. I can't ask anybody for permission. I'll choose the best pictures and add them to my IG and repost some good old ones.

@Yarco Basically it's just travel stories in a sense being told in picture format. Different places and cities I've visited. I wanted to create a collage of 5 pictures for a theme depending which city I visited and which cultural sights. That is true, and what I was a bit concerned about otherwise I don't have pictures with westerners only indirectly. I have some from travelling and living in London, then again mostly selfies here as westerners seldom take pictures together in comparison to Asia. That is about it. I might find one or two, yet they usually never take photos as much as they did in China for bonding/relationship/memories purposes. I can play with it since I really do not have a preferences my preferences is basically no preferences. I message and talk to literally everyone. I do have high standards that is a difference. That is ridiculous and I'd shoot myself in the foot, also I live on my own basically since I've been to China. Is this notion not way to outdated? It depends on the setting no? Most pictures with the opposite sex are in a mixed group at a public place. A couple are at the office, I have one picture being surrounded by 5-6 chinese girls, I have no idea why we made that picture in the office. I uploaded some of them, yet without people on IG, since I've meet so many people in my opinion. Consider I travelled completely alone and was on my own. So, that clearly shows when I upload the pictures. It's for IG. Since IG is linked on most dating profiles. Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid.

@Federico del pueblo I dunno I am south-west so I figured it might work. I have 3 numbers from texting close to 200 women on this site. Premium is cheap, quality of women is not the best, there are a decent amount of hot girls. One girl flaked and is being a brat, the other one flaked completely, the other one wants to meet and texts back quite rapidly. They are all between 18-21 y.o. There are also a lot of bots. The app is called Jaumo. Education standard is very low on the app. A lot of women with kids. I did not see, yet someone with a university degree. Looking at review IIRC, in the south of Germany it has the most users. It has a lot of 18-21 y.o women. IMO, at least where I am at. So, I figured it just works very well in the south of Germany, and I am south west. The only reason I think it is worth it is low competition guys profiles are horrible and a lot of hot young women. Premium is cheap. I'd recommend using it when living in the south of Germany. This is from a review: https://www.giga.de/apps/jaumo/specials/jaumo-test-und-erfahrungen-mit-der-dating-app/#Erfahrung Basically meaning it's mostly used in southern Germany, yet in rural areas there are less potential flirt partners available. In case you speak German the link above is the review. I would say it has a lot of attractive 18-25 year olds in there, without a university degree. Unsure if I'd recommend. Without premium the app is useless, as you have to pay coins to send messages, yet the coins if you wait a couple of days gather quite quickly to send out messages. If you wait a couple of days. I have 3k coins and basically can send out messages en masse. I think it's good if you are looking for a fling finding a potential partner is difficult. I used my 3 best pictures with a 9.0+ rating and professional photos. Unsure it might work for you. Did not turn out all to well for me even has 6'3 guy. 3 numbers texted in between 200-300 women. It's very difficult to open on this app imo, because you can't comment pictures. Unsure why it has such a high rating.

@Illusory Self Look at some classical stuff, this new ager "hitlery" is very difficult to understand imo. Without 1000h of research of where it all came from. Or having a very competent teacher and access to him/her. I once had an experience too where I thought I heard voices rather recently, with a very strong kriya experience. I talked to Shinzen basically he told me to not pay any attention to it and to not follow to do what the voices say. I am unsure if the talk is still recorded. This was during a micro-retreat. It was not pleasent it would have been better if I'd had someone around me. It basically is schizophrenic. There are different experience where people report avatars/angels and stuff like that that would be casual level state experiences. I had none of them dreams are on the subtle level. I made a schedule with the a neurologist even, to check for physical symptoms and received a CMRT basically a brain scan, they could not even evaluate the results, because they lacked the technology, they did it in a different way, yet there was nothing indicative of smthing causing this phenomenon. It's good that you did not freak out. Just sort of experience this isness of it and don't make a big deal out of it. Asking for help is good imo. If it is gone, it's gone. That is good! I'd still ask a competent teacher about the phenomenon even multiple if possible. As far as I can recall from reading white light is indicative of entering casual state level phenomenon. I am still very disorganized currently. Check out some Wilber books and Daniel Ingrams stuff.

@Illusory Self http://rc.leighb.com/more/Nimitta.htm Unsure if it felt like this. The article goes in a bit more depth. My practice is more khanika samadhi focused, which is different, yet it suits me. I don't know if you are meditating while sleeping, when you can't sleep and for instance smth. like this happend. The experience sounds very weird. The fear part does not sound good, I'd recommend you talk to one experienced teacher once a year for a check-up with experiences and practices. You can schedule talks with Shinzen even.

Till now I notice the opener matters a lot, depends on what you mean with good results. I did not try Tinder as I wanted to get good at online dating first. My friend is black and has a lay count of 10 approx. now in a very shitty region with close to 0 people. 100k town with a lay count of 10. In one year+ with Tinder and Bumble. That fits his preference. He also showed me some smoking hot matches. Mainly with Bumble and Tinder. He tested Badoo or Lovoo. Said it did not work for him to many bots etc. Status and small status displays with style matter a lot. He is a teacher, so he get's the dominance bonus... as well as he likes to be dominant which seems to be working out for him very well and he is also compassionate. There is some toxic stuff. Yet, I can't blame him. I helped him get laid.... last weekend or so a bit I guess. By leading the whole group of people and an other guy now... two times... I've only tested OkCupid and one local app that has a high rating, that works very well in the south of Germany... as well as Bumble shortly. My Bumble was very bad, my OkCupid is very good. The app is okayish, yet not a lot of dates and people are very picky. Many moved to Bumble imo. I am half/half I did not test. He also get's a lot of blonde matches, we make fun of this as I get close to none blonde matches. I think only one liked me so far on dating apps, apparently I am to light skin , I am a chamelon. --- I also have matches with girls from other countries so this is normal. It's a time waster to chat with them some can also be bots. Hope this provides some value to you. It's all very orange the more nuanced your orange the better it is. The less you have in your bio the better it is. I've texted to much in my bios. Also this takes time. From the course I did it. I can only recommend Alex from playing with fire, as this shit is just to true. As well as testing openers now myself. --- One girl deleted the app and wants to meet on Friday I hope I finally get laid my lord. Can't be that hard...

Is this not also some sort of Jhanic experience? Seeing white light. I have had kriya experiences, yet nothing like this. I heard white light in various contexts, yet I am unsure if IIRC, this is some casual state phenomenon... No experience here.

@Leo Gura Yeah my friend did receive the number from the one hot girl I approached because of me she told to him. So I was winging in a sense. As she felt bad for blowing me out, as I did make her laugh... I'll see if I can go out again with them on Saturday. As we did pull. This time sober.

I was out with friends. I approached 6 girls in total. Wanted to do 10 the place is rather small and I saw nothing approachable in that sense, as well as the are other just observations. Clubs are currently closed because of Corona. I approached basically the hottest girls in the club only, exclusively as I do have an entitled personality and that apparently is good for game. Of course there were other attractive/women hot girls for night game lingo. I was out with 2 friends and made 2 other friends just from hanging-out. I had close to 0 fun as the music is very bad, I still try to feel my way into it. I'll just make this logical so people understand and my purpose of going out. 6 situations I've been in. Principles I wanted to understand Body language and eye contact. 1. Approached one girl with 3 girls on a small table she was dancing and having a good time, I wanted to tune into the vibe as I was bored and received a blow out. She told me she has a boyfriend, I told her can't she share, we danced for a second before. A guy was thrown out 5 minutes before and she made a big act, because he was ready to punch a women in a sense and I was ready to get in between because this is just ridiculous. They all showed him the middle finger like 5 girls as he walked down the stairs. I am unsure if people noticed this, they treated it as normal. I thought it was funny. Afterwards I approach 5-10 minutes as stuff calmed down, I do my thing like written above and after telling her why can't she share she punched my arm and sort of gave me a good vibe unsure what else to do. Afterwards she started dancing with one of my friends and came back to us, he approached first before this shit happend or afterwards. Unsure what he said. He was blown off in a second. 2. Next I talked to two girls a group and asked if she wanted to dance one girl gave me a look of oh no, the other girl told me she has a boyfriend. Showed me a picture of him. I am unsure what happend afterwards I was just looking. I asked for dancing as I thought it's a good way to learn to let go as well as I like to dance with other people. Later she danced with a couple of friends of mine and pushed me out of the group, there is close to 0 space and I am tall so I was unsure where to move. I kept trying to hold eye contact and basically wining for all making friends. One dude came up to me gave me his hand and he works in secruity, a friend of mine knows him etc. 3. The other two girls sort of just came by naturally I was attempting to start dancing with one of them. They made out in front of me and touched each others boobs. I always want to grab both of them when I see this, as I just like it. One of them was attractive the other one was not so attractive. I attempted to dance with the attractive one, we "pulled" these two to one guys place and nothing happend. His place was also freaking nice. 4. I approached a girl I wanted to approach the one behind her, then I notice my attention drifting and I thought since she is my focus now I'll talk to her and she basically just blocked me of entirely, giving me a strong vibe of no entry. They drank shots. 5. One girl approached me with the words of "Tequilla" and her eyes were so wide, yet I did not want to drink anymore. We also left right afterwards as they closed. 6. One girl wanted to dance with me she was way to old and put her back into my back consistently, I noticed yet I did not really care. First I did not know who it was or if it was a space issue. My friend pulled me away. She eyed me out before. 7. One other attractive girl was out with her friends and eyed me out I can't really tell if she is attractive is shit is so dark. So I did not approach as it would seem like "easy game". She reminded me a lot about an old crush. So I did not approach as I felt a lot of pain. Always when I keep talking shit turns quite I don't know why if this is good, when I held presentations during university it was very similar I received mostly positive feedback and I still do not know why. It just had to seem solid or w/e. Anyway, any ideas on how to continue night games any sort of feedback? Is this good is this bad is this okay? Not drinking would be better as I'd be in a higher state. I was able to let loose and dance for a bit afterwards alone, so no idea. My main focus was eye contact and body language focusing on getting to physically escalate, as I have the most issue with that. Eye contact is fine, I feel things very intensly so I actually have to break it off depending on the vibe of the person as well as my internal mood. Conversations are fine, I was not in a good mood I also did drink. Small talk is still an issue, they keep asking me if everything is allright, which from articles I've read is just bad conversations. I mostly meditate then and try to feel my body so I am just calm and start laughing my ass off, as I am mostly so content being alone, even if it is painful. I saw 3-4 make outs in total, so it was rather lame? The quality of girls and quantity was also not very high. Dunno what to do when an attractive girl walks by as there is a steady influx of people regardless of where you are at. So, I don't know if they are leaving.

I dunno from skimming a book you'd have to lock her in a place. From watching infield a bit I saw none on a dance floor they looked the girl away standing in front of her, so he the guy is the only focus inside the night club. From observing it's just normal that she wants back to her friends. You could say Hey! Let's meet your friends let me meet your friends and introduce yourself etc. That is what I saw from one infield and then focus on her. You can still close the number, if she really wants to go. I also saw this in infield. None of these situations came up till now in my experience, yet I saw it in infield.

I've made the "mistake" to still produce a lot of effort as I truely in a comradery sense loved my best friend. Yet, I noticed I liked people more who are on my new life path. Simply because of the shared level of experience. We still meet from time to time, yet in my personal experience it's just not the same anymore. I would not produce as much effort as I did in the past and put that energy into finding new like minded people. Although it feels very good to connect back. I think this is just normal as interests grow and develop. Even when you are far apart in your life path, you can still feel connected and interact from time to time. That's my opinion and experience. If you both interact in a way that indicates you both can stay close together I would definitely cherish and enjoy it as long as it is there, otherwise not.

I need a Blumenbach meme.

Can someone wake up Blumenbach I don't think this is allowed here. Anyone?! Hello?!