ValiantSalvatore

@Nahm Thank you for the advice. I'll consider buying the whiteboard and listen to some manifestation stuff. I am still young and can definitely afford to test this out. As well as to look at how the synchronicity feels. @Fearey Same here especially as a fellow 5 with a strong w5. My nervous system is also super sensetive. A peaceful area really helps with working towards my goals as well as soltitude and meditations. @Dryas Yes, same here. The less distractions the better the quality of my work.

@Ulax I've read/listend to the audiobook atomic habits and took notes as well as action on it. I certainly fall of track and reply the advice when circumstances change, yet changing my outer enviroment is still the best approach for me till now. This is more of a phase. That I have to work through. Can you link the book? That would be great. Not finding anything through Amazon and or Google and or YouTube. I bought the hot seat home programm from RSD, yet I have different priorities. The book might come in handy.

@mivafofa I did a shit ton of stage red shadow work with the 3-2-1 process. It did help me to include a lot of negative qualities and to own them. For instance my arrogance as well as being fine being seen as asshole and feeling the pain of it. There are many shadow work tools. I still have the same issue with assertivness and dominance. Personally it helped me with integrating my hate and sometimes owning it, arrogance etc. There are also golden shadows for example stuff that you admire about another person and you could never think of being that way. You most likely have that quality and are denying it. For me for example I almost admired very intelligent people, I still do and I often heavily cripple myself in terms of my capabilities out of fear or self-hatred. I really had to own it that others in my real life persona see me as intelligent and capeable. This still is an issue I run into. That is the opposite of having only negative shadow elements, there are also postive golden shadows or projections. There is also retroflection https://www.quora.com/What-is-retroflection-in-Gestalt-therapy Basically you turn the energy or the shadow projection against your self. Self-hatred is a good example imo. The energy is used in an absolutely deconstructive manner and causes harm. This is the last book I've read on traumas called The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma. It's more of an scientific perspective showing how soldiers in vietnam overcame their trauma and the entire history of how trauma was studied mainly, which modalities where used, their family lives, how they coped with their traumas. What worked etc. What is used in therapy etc. For me personally I'll utilize exercise although out of this book as a modality for shadow work as it's the most convenient and makes me feel the most alive and integrated. Especially cardio currently.

Best stuff I've seen is from integral as it's mostly gender-neutral or takes different kinds of relationships into consideration. I am mostly heterosexuall, yet from listening to one course they talk very neutral about relationships in general and take homosexual relationships also into consideration. It's more functional and less bs. The course does cost money, I did not finish it as it's quiet dense. Free ressources I don't know and have not seen about dating at all for gay/homosexuall relationships as a hetero guy all guides I've read were for hetero guys. The course is focused heavily on relationships.

@Ludwigvan That is very interesting! Especially the overriding of androgen receptors with testosteron as well as what even prolactin is, I heard the name of the hormon multiple times. Also the idea of not doing any activties that release more dopamine than my life purpose is highly interesting. I never thought about this. I do think just from the sheer amount of comfort I create in my enviroment that I tend to do that. Tea, good music or dopamine releasing music like trance for instance. Yet, I really struggle in the morning for years now. I eat a lot of protein currently and I exercise with weights 5x a week. I meditate for minimizing stress and cortisol levels. Healthy lifestyle I am unsure.I do eat and drink quiet healthy etc. I could eat more fruits etc. Do you have any recommendation in terms of websites for such biological breakdowns that are pratical? Only thing I sometimes watch is the Huberman lab. Enviromental design etc. Is a big issue I run into. I don't own a TV and I plan on never owning one in my bed room etc. I never tested my t-levels I think doing it would be clever. I threw out my coffee machine. I basically have a computer, books and a bed in my appartement for stimulation. Enviroment design is what I'll utilize the most when it comes to habit change. It's a bit difficult currently as I'd need a larger appartement, I do like this concept from atomic habits. A seperator currently won't fit for the exact spot I'd need it. I'll definitely contemplate how I can make my life purpose the number one dopamine activity. Or lower the dopamine impact of other ones for example no music at the gym only audiobooks etc. That is an awesome re-frame and advice! Thank you for that a lot!

@aurum Yes this is exactly what I mean! Do you just write it down? For example I want to buy the SM58 stage mic for my sound journey and then you write it down in your note-taking app? @Loba For me it's similar coffee does help me a lot and journaling, yet I threw my coffee machine out of my appartement I drank to much. What do you call introspection practice? What is that and how does that help you achieve your goals? @Eternal Unity I'd love to have the patience and time to practice tai chi. @itachi uchiha I notice this when I don't surround myself with self-improvement material a lot especially in audible form as this is the most flexible. For example while cooking I often listend to the mastery audiobook, same as when working out. I do notice it reaches the depth of my unconscious a lot and then I take notes on this and ask myself... how will my behaviour change? Then write down what I want to implement, sometimes I am overwhelmed, by the sheer amount of exposure. Like 5x working out 1h approx of audiobook on 2x. Then note-taking. As well as cooking 20-30 minutes 5-7 times a week. Listening to audiobooks/self-improvement stuff. Showering listening to it etc. I'd love to have a subconscious revelation, yet currently I don't really have one. I am surrounding myself more with "classic" self-help material currently and many topics interconnect. @Nahm I looked at your website and the dream board tbh I love the fking idea of it. I love whiteboards and earser boards look similar. I wanted to ask you again a couple of questions regarding the process. As well as what is your opinion for example on synchrodestiny in the context of manifesting desires. I really love Deepak Chopras work around manifestation and I tried it in a similar way, of how a you define the dreamboard. With a simple list and meditations. What are you thoughts on synchrodestiny? Basically that your live becomes a miracle and stuff unfolds as well as desires manifest and you consistently act on them, especially on coincidences. For example I found my current psychotherapist because her therapy dog ran away and my mother found the dog on the street and somehow arrange it, so the dog came back to her. She was forever grateful that was shortly after my grandmother passed away and so I had a spot immediately, instead of waiting 3-6 months or so for a spot. Another example for a synchronistic event was a date of mine posting a phone call with her showing an image of what my second name stands for which is close to impossible as it's persian in origin and quiet random. Or for example in south korea I meet a girl who lived 1h away from my home town, so we talked and bonded immediately in the hostel which was totally random as well as the odds of that as it's not a densly populated areas is way to low. Such conincidences what are your thoughts on that? As well as do you act on them? Sometimes I hesitate to act on them because I fear that the desire will not manifest. Sometimes the desire is also quite dark and does not feel fully ripe. Like texting the girl who posted a picture phone calling with my second name.

@VictorB02 Gotcha, I utilize journaling heavily mostly as for keeping my ideas and notions of stuff fresh. I use android and I would try try IPhone app. I don't own one.

@Vision I googled and I did not find a solid answers besides that a vision board is supposed to be working only for 4-6 months or max half a year so rather for short term goals. As well as a dreamboard was more for longterm goals or vision. I am unsure if people use the concept interchangeablly. As from the LP course from Leo IIRC it's supposed to be more longer lasting unsure if the information is correct. I can't read it anymore without a VPN this was the article IIRC. https://www.abc4.com/gtu/gtu-sponsor/the-difference-between-a-vision-board-and-a-dream-board/ I have a vision board it works for me as a reminder, yet I struggle to find an effective process for example. Regardless if visualization or vision board etc. https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/science-says-your-vision-board-actually-decreases-chances-of-living-your-dreams-heres-what-to-do-instead.html I asked Shinzen about visualizations and goals as I also did a lot of meditation out of performance reasons. I'd be curious how visualizing your goals helped other people to achieve their goals anecdotally. As well as how they visualize. For example in psycho-cybernetics it's important to keep the end goal in mind and imagine that you have it, in the manifestation community it's like you are supposed to feel like you already have it, so you don't feel the lack. In "psychology" or basic self-help it's to get rid of negative believes. Then there is the negative visualization process, which I never tried. Science it's more like you focus on the process and in the end I combine all of it, I just lack taking action mostly. For me it worked so far only once. I am being very patient with this as I ultimately do not know what works for me. Or what the exact issue is.

@itachi uchiha What specifically helped you there just the information and the mindshift? I've read the book and I have the other mastery audibook and listend to that 5-6 times or so.

@Kksd74628 What you are saying is basically what I mostly did find an internal reason, specificy the goal for example I want to be healthy and feel good about myself. I want to workout 5x a week. Or I want to deepen the quality of my relationships to feel more fullfillment in them. I will attend a relationship seminar courses etc. Same with getting laid. If my interpreation of your comment is correct. I did that mainly in my journals (offline) and with some digital journals on my comptuer. It does not always workout. Best thing for consistency was tracking, yet I really forget everything. Sometimes I feel it's unhealthy, yet it's the best thing I can do to keep myself honest with my goals and accountable. That is why I was asking what worked for you. Passion is for sure a driving force, yet sometimes it needs some re-kindeling that is why ppl usually take breaks etc. For me the question would more be how can I be as self-accountable as possible without burning-out or feeling utterly devasted by the process. I had the stragety of surrounding myself with succesful people which I did as well as possible and that helped tremendously for passion. Yet, it's dependent on others to some degree. Do you know of any tools that helped you or someone you know for self-accountabillity. For me seeing stats, tracking, numbers etc. Helped me the most to stay honest, yet sometimes I feel judged. I never achieve my goals "spontaneously" if there has not been a fundamental structure implemented and constant revision of the process, yet it's very draining for my social life. As I struggle with perfectonism and cripple myself. @aurum What do you mean with your goals are specific so tools won't apply? I don't understand that yet. What note app are you using the standard one for your phone? I had an idea booklet that I carried with me, yet that did not workout all to well. I mainly use the audible note taking function for example in the gym to take notes. I did not even know they had this. Otherwise I take handwritten notes while reading for example. Did this process help you to achieve your goals more? For example the specific goals that you set and if yes how did you set them? @VictorB02 Again which notes app? The standard one provided by your phone or what note taking app? I mainly use one-note for notes about PD and Notion for active projectes that are larger as well as for tracking purposes, as I mainly use my pc for this stuff. @Yoremo Yes, I see what you mean Michal Thaft is close friends with Shinzen, Ingram etc. They released a podcast that was of ultra high sound quality last year during an online-retreat I attended. I am not familiar with Cassinas and stuff like this. I listend to the Sedona Method audiobook and I practiced it for a while not long. It's so similar to meditation techniques I decided to just meditate during the day. Especially Shinzen Young's feel flow technique helps me with digesting negative emotions and is similar to feeling the emotion and letting it go. I do meditate for quiet a while, 6-7 years now pretty consistently. Generally it helps me to deal with the emotional difficulties and upheavels of that occure during the process of achiving my work. I was more looking for a tool. Or a new way of achieving my goals. Visualization is the tool I utilize the most currently. Or something that helps with taking action. I do burn-out so, I have to be careful. To not overdo it.

@Kksd74628 Tools like software, scientifically proven ways, personal ways you achived your goals, notebooks, whiteboard, calendars, visualizations. At best something I can feel and touch. I like the wu-wei approach of seeing your work as something passionate therefore it's not work. Yet I need some level of accountabillity an accountabillity partner does not always work out. I prefer self-accountabillity more. Obviously also choosing one thing as your main thing which I have as programming. It is mostly for my other goals that are also important. Quadrant two goals... stuff that is immediate, but not urgent. For example going out twice a week and approaching 50 women or smth like this as an example. Or eating less sugar and sweet stuff. If you have any websites or know any where I can find without paying that would be great. I feel less emotionally threatened that way and can engage without fear and much thinking. That is why I liked the success journal as it helped me with progress goals which is one concept from Scott Young. To reach larger goals. Basically IIRC time-constrained activites for example 1h going out approaching women or 1h jogging.

@Kksd74628 I was specifically asking for a tool, otherwise I'll hide the thread. This has no use for me. I am sorry. Not denying anything you say, yet to reframe it in your context. I need a tool for my passions. As I have many passions.

@Holygrail I asked this question last year on the kriya-yoga forum after buying the book. https://www.reddit.com/r/kriyayoga/comments/mju8b7/how_long_to_practice_kriya_yoga_a_day/ I mixed it with 1h mindfulness meditation, so doing 1h 20 a day I lasted max 6 weeks. I learned a lot conceptually, yet it was not really suited for my current life style and I saw that I need to dedicate 3h at the end to be very serious with it. I just skimmed my notes in the book I did it for approx 6 weeks. After realizing I have to do it for 3h a day I thought this is unsustainable for my current life style. 2h is doable when I see what Leo wrote and skimming the book again. I might have skimmed to the wrong part. Yet 2h is definitely smth. feasable. I noticed after mixing the practices that the breathwork is quite good to incoperate, yet I was advised from advanced teacher to not fuck around with breathwork to much if there is no guidance or teacher. So, I mainly stick to meditation. Definitely felt better than doing regular meditation even if just 20 minutes. Although it was quite intense learning the stuff conceptually and pratically. 20 minutes is not good in my experience. It was interesting, yet not good for the long-haul. This is as much feedback as I can give.

I did some of the courses that are offered by Ken Wilber and Integral Life as well as some of the stuff in other places and there are practical ways to get a taste of each stage and it's karma I did the full course on full spectrum mindfulness and some of the stuff is not talked about here. @Husseinisdoingfine You can basically get a taste and burn through it at home yet, also notice how active the stage and how much you can exhaust the karma or jsut having the awarness of it is very good. My example is applied to your post as you asked about green. I exhausted green a lot and had more stage orange drives to deal with. I find orange also more interesting from the way the course split up the basic drives of stage orange. Hope this is helpful I don't have all the time to format this. For example in the course they recommend to meditate with integral mindfulness which is not very different from any kind of mindfulness out there to feel to imagine how the stage feels like he gives you sort of a guided meditation and explains the overall framework These are my notes out of the course: Came with a emergence with a fourth person perspective meaning they could criticize science. Or what is objectively seen. Relativistic - Caused the movement of deconstruction. Criticized previous levels and deconstructing them especially universal claims. Especially their fragmented viewpoints. Says there are no universal truths. No truth to anybody. Ones own believe aggresive critiiques of big pictures. Marxism, Fundamentalism, Sexism, Patrichalism, Spechism, Scientism - all this was critizied because of it's wholeness. A fair amount of truth is there from the level of criticism. The previous levels tended to be less inclusive and less universal. But they went to far. All knowledge is context far and boundless and depend endlessly on interpretation. All knowledge is culturally constructed. They give a universal picture that there is a big picture, so there is no superior view. No-gos are at this stage green value level. Emposing and promulgating that a green structure stage is now being used in a country which has a lower level of development, will only cause the next dictator or a similar old structure to rise to power. Because you can't skip stages you have to give them the appropriate space to grow. What Wilber shows is that this map is universal true. So Green would deny it. Culture wars shows this stages. There will never be harmony in a culture as long as there is no higher stage offering higher wholeness instead of this coercing madness towards the enforcing structure stage. There is nothing superior on this planet. You have your truth and I have my subjective truth All ranking all hierachies are strictily taboo. Partnership society are needed excellence and achievement is looked at critically and this is nothing but oppression. Everyone is encouraged to share there feelings. Comes straight from the heart thinking is out feeling comes in. Most be emodied must be anchored in feeling not in thinking. Quantum Physicts is eco-centric instead of ego-centric. Is feminist, gaia focused and earth centered. Perfomative contradiction = you are actually doing in your own behaviour what can not be done at all or what you deem as evil or bad and should not be done. You are judging them for judging. You are ranking them for ranking. You have the truth. You like to impose your view on their view that imposes them on others. Green says it treats all people fairly and loathes all orange values and recognition of exellence. Loathes all integral and amber values. Exercise from the course: Notice how you judge. Pick a negative example and hold that situation. What is it like to judge somebody negatively for being a racist. Feel that judging activity as deeply as you can. Bring pure witnessing to that feeling of negative judgement. Universally valid judgement that racism is bad. But if you allow that universally you are not contradicting yourself. Universal judgements. We want to be aware of judgements in any case. Integral mindfulness on that area. Making judgements starting with negative judgments, intolerant, sexist etc. What is this charateristic that is behind it. Where is it located, what color has it, how does it smell like. At the sametime you are not a pluralist either that denies all universal judgements. Attempst infinte acceptance attempts infinite love acceptance, still bound to the self-contraction. Look at the things you do judge and see if it is a good things or if it is on good reson. This is important coming from this stage. It sees non-ranking higher and better then ranking it is still ranking. What are good guidelines in ranking then ? Postmodern pluralistic level 6. When is ranking okay but recommended according to this levels own values. This level values equality over almost everything else. Not all levels share this view. None of them in reality does. Predeator and prey at red for e.g 0 equality here. Amber the saved and the dammend saints and sinners. It will accept only those who are dammend saints. Orange will put them into winners and looser none of these equality stuff. Only green values equality and sees them as essentially equaly or egaliterian. A developmental level it is just that. Vertical development is much better then not having it. Ranked and judged accordingly then this stage level 6. Treats all people fairly and morally. How tolerant are they or not. Green pluralism wether they treat others. Not treating all people fairly is bad. Each higher level is more adqueate and better. Increasingly more inclusive more embracing more moral and more loveing. Eros showing ist true colors. Men = Hierachy and autonomey -> Men and patriachy (In a different voice Carol Gillgian) all patriachy are bad. Women = Relationship and belonging Both men and women develop throught the 4 basic hierachial development. Stage 2 or care. Only her self to care. Stage 3 all humans regadrless of race, color, sex and greed. Women tend to think hierachiecly themselves. More feminine values. Each higher level is more moral more caring. Dominator Hierchay: Cast System, Mafia the higher the level you are the more people you can opress, authorterian state, president trump and decress. Growth Hierachy: Most of them in nature are them: Atoms - > Organism. Transcends and includes. Higher levels don't oppress higher levels they include them they embrace them. Perfomative contradiction = it puts hierachy on it's lowest level of hierachy. Bright light of mindulness video tape it from all possible angles. Transcend and include all judgements we want to let go of judgement all together. This is better then this ?`What color is it what shape is it what does it look like what does it feel like. Get this attitude firmly into awarness. Fully firmly. Alternate this focus on finite judgement making with limitless unbounded awarness. With pure everpresent awareness. World centric judgements are better then ethnocentric judgements -> That is not what wisdom traditions mean. Ultimate truths are ultimately non-dual etc. Beyond pleasure and pain etc. Radical love or beauty of consciouness. No inside vs. Outside. No good v.s bad. Just pure isness pure suchness no up no down. Creator of all concepts (cloud of unkowing) zen calls it don't know mind. Ultimate unqualifyable Inclusiveness = Positive sense civil rights movements, enviromental movement, feminism, closer and closer to ultimate truth as we have seen with relativity. Focus on your own sense of indentity a strong deep sense of being identified with someone or something. How your own ultimate awarness becomes identified with I am this or I am that. Imagine it expanding to include your family, circle of friends, college and business associate. In your state or your nation entire global village expand and expand and expand. Represents the ongoing movement of the universe itself. Constant eros = transcend and include. Larger and larger and larger -> Remember is occuring along with exercises in growing up Personal Example for the session I don't know maybe my ego wants harmony with others not being hurt stopping this endless cycle of pain and hurt and agony over survival, culture wars and endless manipulation and hierachy games. I could avoid it by first accepting that his happens and then working towards creating harmony in my own live with my own level of idealism that can for sure work or releasing it throught spiritual practice and finding a way to deal with fear through meditation or working with my emotions more directly. A hidden superiority for me is by knowing wilbers work and spiral dynamics and seeing myself as higher placed than others I judge lower ranking systems if I do not like them. I see myself as superior morally and try to not convey it but I convey it nonetheless so I accept that I convey it and judge them and see that I am higher placed then them. Yet, that does not give me the right to negate their viewpoint or condem their moral system as being bad or useless. It has less wholness and intuitivness as well as less competence. Consider the pockets of pain and struggle in the world: from refugees to war to climate change. Can you relax your mind and heart while opening to stillness and compassion? I would feel sad thinking about them yet also offering them kindness and support would yes open my heart and allow myself to feel balanced and relaxed in my own view of helping them, yet I would also feel a tremendous amount of sadness for their circumstance and try my best to help them if given the chance or seen from afar offer my support in stillnes and in a sense of prayer help them or thank them for being so strong and enduring What inside of you is desperate for more harmony in the world, and how can you avoid becoming caught in a cycle of fear? In what ways are your perspectives and behavior have a hidden moral superiority to those around you–for example, do you judge others for being judgmental? Think about the most important or pressing situation in your life right now. How can you show up with more unconditional love right now?

To add some ideas and experiences. I do have similar issues, yet mostly in a group I am unsure what to talk about because I focus in on one person mostly. Yet for all my dates I had online and offline I basically dominated the conversation as I saw no other choice. I talked for approx 2h+- on dates etc. Just because I legit can. It was not forced in anyway. I mostly talked about travel experiences, similarities we both study the same thing, like the same thing, asked her what she is interested in or where she travelled to. Hobbies. If she is currently reading smth. Asking questions generally is good as the question will most likely be thrown back at you, so you can talk about yourself. Good topics are history, violence for example or anything about culture. Projects that I am working on, goals, aspirations etc. In a chill and casual manner. Or with excitement also frustration the whole spectrum basically. Meditation. Meditation retreats etc. I even talked about quiet a racist book I orderd about black history and the women I dated loved it and bought the same book. I told her I was so pissed reading this. Then we talked about astrology and stuff like this also. We still want to meet she wants smth. casual. Astrology, hand reading anything stage purple is gold, yet tbh I also hate it at the sametime. Women seem to love this stuff l don't know why. I did a personality exercise called the cube game to learn smth. about the person you can do it with anyone girls,guys etc. A lot of women liked this a lot and then wanted to do it with me which also can tell you a lot about the other partner. https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/quick-personality-test I did it because I like stuff like this. I'd steer away from politics as this can be to polarazing and at the sametime I've done it, it was okay, yet not the best topic to talk about. For example one girl told me she would never date someone who has a moderate political leaning again. I am unsure why, she told me why I don't recall anymore. I did not go further into it, she said I am glad that you identify as liberal. --- I am unsure how it is when you approach someone on the street from the infield I saw just from normal dudes, they mostly just asked where are you going, what are you doing, you have a gym bag are you going to the gym, hey you come here often for coffee etc. This is my dog etc. I do this and this here with a bit of nuance. Basically just self-revelatory stuff with a bit of small talk and observations as well as assumptions. For example you look like you are from Italy are you from city X? This is basically what you could talk about with almost anyone disregarding age, gender etc. I mostly think the energy and intent behind it is way more important. I did not do any day approaches till now only night and online-game. I have female friends that I meet from time to time, so conversations come easy to me especially 1v1. I am not the best in groups. Hope this is helpful somehow. Good topics are violence, history, drama, pop-news, culture, arts, traveling, fitness, events in my point of view. Topics that don't seem to be so interesting or to polarazing are politics, tech, philosohpy, video games, sports etc. Also this depends I dunno if you see smth. observational like she talked about some tech topic or video game etc. Then you can easily talk about this for example. Day game looks differently from seeing some infield it's not as elaborate as on a date. I bet people can also pull/sexualize things way faster. Inuendos and double entendres seem to be good for that, yet I am not very good at that yet. In terms of being social.

Anyway they all knew each other even the girls they pulled. Unsure if this is interesting. Guess this just happens and next time I approach at the end when people mingle to get their jacket. I saw two women alone. I approach. I usually take it slow when meeting new people as this seems to be okay and I can just get to know people and it's a principle from how to make friends and influence people I know it's an old book it seems to work a bit. Yet we barely talked as everything was crowded and people just moved the whole time. As everyone wanted to get into the club of the bar as this is the only thing that is open as clubs are closed. Unsure again feedback is appreciated my friend told me it's fine nothing really happens as there is not much going on currently.

I don't really seem to understand social circle game. I am consistently bored I meet beautiful women sure a lot mostly briefly, yet my friends know so many people I have no idea what is going on. I like deeper connections usually, which makes it quiet difficult to be seen as social. They greeted approximately 10-20 people when I greet one guy one, yet I geniuently like him so this means way way more to me. Every venue change we at least hit up a bunch of girls and they talk effortlessly while I just watch. They know each other and I just look at them. Some of them I am not attracted and I ask myself what is the point or the use of talking then. I know sure to be social, yet somehow I don't talk and people ask me what is wrong me head is so full of sensory information and I usually meditate and calm down and try to vibe and it works, yet then I have to talk again. 1v1 I am very good. I'll list social situations that occured this night to make this whole situation plausible. I did not drink till the third venue change. Or social setting 3 and I only drank two beer (0.2 liter each) Social Setting 1: We meet I just shake hands I did not wear anything fancy, nobody said anything. We sit down I greet, I feel weird as usually people feel very happy meeting me when I see them or have some level of enthusiasm. I don't know them, yet that well so I take things slowly. 5 people 3 guys, 2 girls. One guy is my friends sister she is hot and has a sexy slim body I did not know that it was his sister. I recognized her from the day I touched the girls boobs when we made out and heavily escalted inside the club. I had good vibe feelings from her as she seemed to be an uplifting person. The other one I immediately felt like this women something is fking incorrect. We get to that later. We leave from the bar. I talked a bit to the waiter she was also quiet hot, she touched me also immediately and moved her body close to me. Social Setting 2: We go out I briefly talk to one guy friend then they meet two girls ask bla bla bla how are you doing, where you going. With more small talk I already filtered from my memory. They check each other out we move consider where to go. I have no idea who is associated with whom still I did not know if they meet the girl who gave me incorrect vibes or not. My friend was talking to her in the bar and I thought they were at least moving things forward. Anyway we are at the second bar they greet again 2-3 people each. My friends sister also. I am bored and did not drink I thought about holding conversation, as at least my friends hot sister seemed interesting. First I was a bit unsure. As she is older, yet you can't really tell hot sexy slim body, beautiful face, blonde colored hair and green eyes with arabic vibe and super fking slim body I mean like wtf. Thick lips top notch clothed gucci bag I know they have money. I did not want to bore her and silence seemed to not bore her lmao. She is also super feminine and seems none-toxic just social and can get bored also. We talk a bit we riff a bit on the shitty music and made some hitler jokes as none of us are fully German and we went to the most visited German type bar in the city. Anyway we sit we talk sing a bit I loosen up a bit sing with them NANANANA some stupid stuff. I notice I become first now attracted to his sister she just told me her name at one point because I was so silent. We talk I did not want to ask the typical questions, yet nothing very interesting came up and sometimes things move so fast in the moment I ask some stuff something else happens and then I forget. Anyway we just chill and move. Social Setting 3: We are outside the super German bar some random old dude came up and was hitting on the second girl my friends sisters friend. They talk, my friend was like let's go we go to venue 3, we are infront of venue 3. Two cute girls come up they talk with my friend. Where are you going I noticed one girl noticed that he wanted to get laid he was absolutely non-needy. Well where are you going the club you want to go to is closed. He said. I did not want to say anything as I noticed this and I know the club was closed. One girl turned around they talk a bit she pulls her a bit back then she was like yeah we are going back inside let's meet upstairs. What happens? We are inside after 30 minutes of waiting, my friend knows the bouncers. I am relaxed and quiet curious as I did not drink yet and had no intention to. I drank juices and water. I do feel very tired. They talk with the bouncers shake hands more people shake hands with the bouncers. I am thinking when is this shit show over. We get inside the one bouncer gives me I hate you vibes for no reason and just acts like he is above me. Fine whatever. We go inside I wait. They sat at a table I was moving to fast as I did see my friends sister go to the toilett and I thought we are going upstairs subconsciously. So I chill a bit. Searched for them found them at a table. My friend is gone no idea what is happening I am at the table alone at one point with two hot girls bored as fk. As I can't really escalate without knowing how people are related as people move back and forth from groups and stay in their main group. Old dude comes back I talked briefly with my friends sister she tells me she is to old for this tells me she wakes up at 06:30 used my name once or twice without even me telling her my name. I was unsure I really would have just made out with her still it's my friends freaking sister she is the older sister and I barely know them 3 times we meet. I had strong family vibes being in a combination with them 3 which was nice and they included me. Anyway she leaves as she intuited smth. about the other girl I thought something is going to happen. SOOOO Old dude comes back. They talk and I was the whole time this is just to weird. Age gap was like approx max 10-20 years +-5 to the range. No idea scarfy bitch face. Anyway they talk shit escaltes they sit both right infront of me at the table he starts becoming somewhat physical I was suprised a bit first then he moved into her face a lot she pushed him back I thought about stepping in again. I looked at my other friend who was there we are both taller then this guy by a lot. The girl starts spitting at him he spat at her. Making reference you are making out with the other friend of mine who was there at the table. Turns out they were engaged the old dude and the younger girl. I had to laugh the whole time I could not resist. I looked for other girls, yet I had no idea where how or what to approach. When things are moving so fast girls moving by etc. Girl who is engaged leaves after my friends sister left. Social Setting 4: MY FRIEND GOES UP WHO HAS THE HOT SISTER THE CLUB UPSTAIRS IS OPEN FOR ONLY 10 MINUTES. 10 MINUTES HE PULLS TWO GIRLS AND ONE GUY AND MEETS OTHER GIRLS OUTSIDE. I had to wait as they only gave him two chips. Said fine 10 minutes smth is going to happen. We go outside after the pull. He said come with me to the toilett I was fine. We go. We go up. Group 2 leaves with other girls, group 1 he pulled comes with us for food. They eat they keep talking to the girl who had an interest to flake from group 1 (2 girls, 1 guy). To sooth the situation I said nothing 99% of the time I say anything shit turns silent. No matter what happens presentations etc. I am very bad at perceiving external perception. After 30-40 minutes of eating and waiting and meeting more new people. We leave they pull the two girls with the guy, the guy was like a super nice guy silent I mean I talk like don't get me wrong, small and skinny. I was not attracted to both of the girls they pulled as I dislike these kind of girls by personality. Even if I don't know them I did not get the best vibes. One of them the one who wanted to flake seemed okay. They went to my friends place. I was just annoyed be the whole ordeal and left even though they pulled again. I mean I don't know why I left I was unsatisfied that I did not approach and how many people they know. They all knew each other and I feel left out and including myself I often friendzone myself as I am to nice. What can I do when girls move by? Or what do I do in a social circle setting? Often times by the "law of transference" I am quiet angry with how I was treated racistly growing up in Germany even with a good amount of shadow work and my pain body feels this. I know it's my own posion, yet I still feel this at the moment and it's very often transferred. I was unable to get into a good mood besides at social setting two where I connected a bit to my friend and my friends sister. It was not easy to find a situation to approach as I did not get into the club upstairs where not so many people pass by as well as social circle shit confuses the shit out of me. I could have joined them for the pull and see what happens. Yet, I had enough. I thought I observed enough. My question is how to get to know people when shit moves so fast? Girls walking by hey Maria! What's up Dennis? Hey Isabella? Hey XYZ etc. etc. etc. Meeting like 10-20 people on the street mostly or in a pub/club. Then I see they know more people and I witness the entire network communicating out of their desires, impulses etc. I can't get out of my head I breath into my body and relax then I have confident body language, yet my head is empty and I can't come up with shit to say. Basically I did 0 approaches the only place where I could have approached was at the toilett in the pub when changing venues. The club of the pub had so many hotties coming down man. I just did not know or felt a good approach I did not think of the 3 second rule either at the moment. As everyone left I could have tried direct approaches. Also I have no idea how my friend pulls he just talks with women effortlessly not even sexually or gamey and they pull every fking time I went out with them till now. No fancy shit anything you'd see with RSD and the girls a look quiet well. Even when I see it I don't get it when I watch RSD I am like AH I see why. Yet when I see this vanilla shit I see here I am like in my head no no this does not work it's incorrect. How to do approaches out of a social setting when my friends know so many people? I often feel petrified when they know each other I prefer anonymity as it feels easier to approach. Anyway this is very long-winded post. I appreciate honest and well-thought of feedback there is so much nuance to this, yet I can't seem to get ouf of my head or free flow/associate.

I listend to the audiobook version of Hanzi Freinachts book I got bored very fast and stopped listening to it the only interesting thing to me was how their highest level plays out in sweden of highly educated and rich swedish people start doing psychdelics, yoga-retreats living a bit offside their consumer culture and materialism. Fundamentally their upper class shifting towards a more spiritually, less consumer oriented culture. I liked the cook-greuter model and spiral dynamics more as well as integral theory. I listend to some discussions about how it's a rip-off of integral theory, as far as I know and saw a couple of discussions. I feel it's somewhat overcomplicated it was fun hearing about it first. Yet, I never felt compelled to study it in more depth.

Hey after taking the LP-Course 4 years ago I was deeply inspiried to become conscious and impact the programming scene with consciouness. Now I feel close to 0 passion for it anymore as when I talk with people who are into technology/programming. They have no idea what consciouness is about and I feel I am running against an impenetrable wall, they are to dense and mechanistic. I really start hating these dense technocrats all they care about is what works and I feel they never appreciate the work or process, just the end result. People notice this about me, I am still somewhat passionate, yet without scratching the topic of a.i. I have close to 0 interest anymore. I thought myself stuff alone, yet I burn out overtime and, especially the dating stuff and the mindset of people is ultra toxic and patholoigical stage 1 masculinity. Even when I go inside I get the same answer for years about which direction I want to head. Yet, I have extrem issues walking my current stepping stone as I don't feel valued at all. I struggle extremely to sit down and do anything when I am not passionate about it and I become often depressed. Doing smth. which I do not like. I had a lot of suicidial thoughts today, as these constant paradoxes rob me of life enegry. For example being injured and not being able to fully exercise/code on my fitness application and exercise to my level of satisfaction. It really hurts and I start to hate myself for the choice, it's all very frustrating. Yet I barely made any progress on my own I abort the process, even when I am passionate about it because my relationships suffrr so much that I have close to none. Thanks to game/pick-up the situation is a lot better. Yet, I seriously lack the abillity to work and I constantly have thoughts about suicide, because I don't get the results I feel I deserve. Sure I let go also, yet I really start to hate the idea of a life purpose as I barely had any success with it in 4 years now approx. I am quite unsatisfied with the level of support after the course. I read all the extra material, it's good, yet it lacks social connection/cohesion. When I meditate longer without a group I can become to existential/suicidial. Just interacting with pixel is horrible. Thoughts? @Leo Gura

@Nahm So, that basically is and means that what I experience now, is of utmost importance? What is discordant is supposed to be felt as a part that is part of a larger whole? If I'd reframe it in holons? Experiencing discordance/seperation for example thoughts and feelings of hatred, thoughts and feelings antagonism, thoughts and feelings seperation, thoughts and feelings of shame, thoughts and feelings desperation, thoughts and feelings of depression and apathy for example? Is that correct? Not seeing this as a part that is seperated, yet something that is me? Is a part of me and to not experience it as part, yet as something that is me, that is included, that is "part" of my being? So, I express discordant feelings? Acknowledging it as a part that wants to be integrated/expressed/experienced? To sort of summarize your entire post is to not suppress negative feelings and to not think in dualistic terms that consciousness is something external, yet to be in the knowing realized or not realized that I am consciouness and to express discordant thoughts and feelings is that correct? Again to understand. I am my purpose there is not a seperate me with a purpose. I express my discordant feelings and thoughts to not cause suicidal ideation. I am consciousness there is no seperate me that becomes conscious. Expressing discordance leads to happiness that is the counter-intuitive move, no supression of discordant thoughts and feelings. To know, acknowledge and desire what I desire, to appreciate it and to see myself as the creator of it To conflate this with Leo's teaching and my understanding of things having read and studied this stuff to some level. Is to experience and not to deny my current level of experience and feel discordance as well as to focus my thinking and feelings and align them both. To what I desire, to acknowledge what I have and to focus on my creation. Is that correct as a summarization of your post and the emotional scale?

@mememe I dunno, I am not asian. I lived in Asia and I went out alone for food nobody really seems to care, although I get and saw what you mean. I have not been "shunned" in any way. So, I can't share the experience. At work in Asia I always ate with people it was rare not to as I had also good company. I am working from home, so this is not possible usually I find a couple of people to eat food with. Yet, this raises completely different issues lol. Like cooking from home to save money etc. I can meet others without reason. I just value my time, it's very easy for me to meet people without a reason. I am not stuck in rationality although I enjoy it. It usually just becomes boring without a purpose or anything to do. So it's usually more fun with a purpose/vision/reason. Usually not always. It's very hard for guy friends to just hang-out I have female friends who are more inclined to do that. Yet, for guys this seems to be as close to impossible as it get's.

@Thestarguitarist14 I dunno I did a quick google search and found this. https://www.statista.com/chart/20822/way-of-meeting-partner-heterosexual-us-couples/ Unsure why it's a waste of time, besides when doing pick-up. I'd see pick-up as more valueable as it's more infield and you just learn more.

Yo, I downloaded all my pictures from travels that I have stored on a harddrive. There are a lot of pictures where I have taken photos with people I have meet from travels mostly in China/South Korea. I want to display that I am a social guy, as I usually can be quite social and talkative when I get involved in a group. Although I am a strong introvert, so I mostly took pictures of the scenary and some selfies. I want to display that I am social. I am a bit unsure if it is okay to upload the pictures of people without asking them, as they will basically never see this. Would this work when I filter out the good ones to be seen as more social? Or is it just unethical? I don't think the people would care and it would be fine, they most likely would be happy, I feel that way as we spent a good amount of time laughing and having fun as well as spending time together. --- Also how has social media worked out for you in your dating experience?

@Ulax Hatred it's more outward directed. Less inward I used to also have a lot of self-hatred, yet that is pratically gone now after retreats and inner work with positive visualizations and getting rid of negative believes. Sure there is some form of self-criticism, yet it's not outright hatred anymore. I generally feel more self-love and appreciation and joy when I think about myself. @Nahm I generally feel well I focused a lot on feeling my emotions as this is one positive bias within my family. I know it's about how I think the first time I noticed jealousy I did a tong-leng practice IIRC this is written correctly and the emotion of jealousy completely dispelled I was happy for others who had more etc.. That does not mean that I can experience injustice and I perceive that correctly. I usually also do a gratitude journal which helps with appreciating what I have as well as what is. That is a very good reframing I dislike this culture of skill and woreshipping of skill and you are who you are based on what you can do etc. This really feels crippling. I am not even thinking about developing skills then anymore and just doing what I enjoy doing. Thank your for that reframe. I will look at the emotional scale daily till it feels more grounded, I did not get around yet to building a dream board as I do have a vision board from Leo's course and I just did not get around to creating one yet. I just started to experienced a lot of hatred when thinking about my life purpose and future as I notice how fking difficult all of it is and my life path does not make it easier. @mememe Yes, I do have friends in IT and "non-pick-up" friends as well as friends for nothing but talking, yet it's not enough and they are all mostly introverted, which sucks tbh as they can be rather self-involved. There is just not much happening if I don't go out as I can't move yet and the city is horrendously boring. Going out is the only fun part. I am not much of a foody type person I usually do this alone, this is a habit I have from solo travelling. It's hard to find good company when eating lol. I'd rather eat at a zen monastry as with "foody friends". Not always and still I feel more inclined to do that 100%. I won't find a person like this currently either, I used to have one friend, where we did this. As we both like asian food. Yet, I am out of the friend group basically and he is just ultra busy with his work etc. So, we can't really meet. He is also quite toxic, so I really dislike foody people. I am generalizing I don't mean it that way 100%.

@mememe For me it's very similar my parents always appreciated stuff that I did not like and barely gave me any attention when they came home from work for me the appreciation stuff it's okay I learned over the years to appreciate it and notice others really mean it and say thank you instead of down playing a compliment. The attention stuff is an issue as an introvert I need a lot of it in a sense to feel fufilled it also feels healing. Especially when it is not self-seeking only to get attention themselves. So, I run out of energy and become depressed when I don't get enough honest attention from non-toxic people or I don't meet new people. Then I need a lot of time alone also, I still have no idea how to manage that. A larger active friend circle would do wonders, yet I killed so many friendships thanks to personal development who were just to toxic in my eyes. I barely have contact with that group, yet it felt good. To be with them. Yet, as a whole they were more toxic and did not provide what I need, as well as when they did it in a toxic manner. So, it did not feel good to be around them, yet I was healthier I found new friends, yet they are also very busy. Now I have friends to do pick-up with which is good. @Nahm Yes, I feel a lot more whole, that is the feeling I feel the most as well as joy and passion, yet my injury and this dating stuff builds a lot of frustration as I felt a lot of joy and passion from working out and I can't do it as intense anymore, so it feels just as acceptance and maintenence work now without as much joy and passion, there is some still yet not as much anymore. I do make progress, yet I have a strong competitive nature that I want to get rid off or be more collaborative it's even better for pick-up. I do have a huge ego/personality etc. I feel more whole when I act on my purpose, I am just not satisfied with my result for years as I abort the process so often. Because of a lack of stimulation, being alone for to long, depression, death within my family, operation etc. Then I see others who barely have any issues and complain about their holidays etc. Then I question myself why do I read all of these books and take notes and change my behaviour etc. When nobody does it. Then a lot of shit talk and fakeness. As well as spoilled priviliged people it makes me angry, as I can't befriend these people, yet need social contact and vice-versa I meet the most spoiled and privileged people who are just kind and the complete opposite. It's funny. Yet it hurts I really want to get rid of my ego and do consciouness work this is where I feel truely whole, yet I also want to impact others with it and even talk about it as I am passionate, I just hate empty talks with people who do not even do retreats or are just curious. Yes, I feel more whole especially when I notice I have an impact or I am creating something of value to others and I do that from a conscious place I really love that feeling. The issue for me is positive attention and isolation for years now. Online-dating helped me a lot, yet I have so many friend groups I don't really have a place and I am never invited to anything, I have to consistently invite myself and people like it as I consistently keep my distance as I've been hurt by my old friend group a lot and I still get similar remarks, which makes it difficult for me to like humans. Even though deep down I love them. I always feel people like me, yet apparently not enough. Although I can invite myself basically to anything and they say yes. Even when I meet new people, some just come and straight up hug me and I don't even know why just from going out 3-4 times. It hurts a lot to be "diagonised as gifted" and have shitty parents who are to stupid to realize anything. They don't understand how much appreciation and affection I would have needed, now I gave everything myself through meditation and my own actions. There is still a strong feeling of hatred towards my parents for their egotistical boomer nature and their stupidity of decision making as well as their lack of communication. I did so much shadow work around this also. One guy recommended to me Corey from Integral Life I should stop as this becomes automatic and it did, I can't heal as a fulltime job. Yet, I can become secure enough etc. I really enjoy nice company and attention, as well as to share joy and enthusiasm, yet I can't do that when I am not closer in alignment with my purpose. The skill development part is what takes the hugest toll on me, as it takes 4-6h to really learn something when I code or to just get started and I feel very masculine afterwards. I love it, yet it does not help me with dating and meeting people so I subconsciously hold myself back. I don't have a remedy for this. To do everything alone feels depressing. When I know I get some stable attention I do a lot better.