ValiantSalvatore

Fundamentally very angry at some level, because of all the stuff I don't enjoy what I used to enjoy I am not as vulnerable anymore, I don't enjoy the status and freeness I used to perceive and have. It's enormously difficult to find someone I can talk to, I can't absolutely drink any coffee late I get to angry, at people who don't deserve it? I notice the gaslighting spectrum and the making fun of stuff with identity that just drove me into insanity, because of how abusive and self-serving it is. I am still safe in a sense, yet I don't get proper feedback with all reviews and feedback everyone says something else. Deciding on my own I often do that also. I don't get what I feel I deserve. I don't know if the risk was fine enough, I had so many bad interactions where I proofed others wrong, because my perception almost 99.9% of the time is different even if others also find some truth in it. I will not ever drink any coffee a bit later again.

Briefly reflecting on the stages of development and social interactions bulletpoints: Coach said I was hot fire, when I went out as I did not have that much anxiety approaching this is mostly from living in China Professor is odd and somehow stuck in blue/orange which explains the shitty explanations, I do have to do most of the digging Benefit? Counter-acts some lazyness she still acts somewhat cognitvely obviously from teal+ so she her decisions objectively are good, yet as soon as ego's and morals are there it's questionable. I am learning a lot currently from different ends. Efficiency and feedback as well as principles re-opener with one girl did not work, she might be busy. One girl texted back overall issue is to much attention when I feel my body, I don't know how to deal with hypersensetivity, humans are the weirdest creatures it's like they scan my brain for knowledge and create a map from it, this is why I look away often. Eyes are a gateway to the soul. Planning using google calendar more often, so I check my phone more. Other possible decisions currently the biggest mental barrier is my age and the conditioning from having only a mother as a caretaker, and multiple other social phenomena, women below green are very toxic against this upbringing. I can't do much about it. It's not in my power. It's still a challenge and help can also be very slow and to slow also, so I almost have to take myself out of society that is how it feels at times.

One last post, these healthy food choices are fantastic, buying this stuff was the best idea to mix juices etc. Also how internally happy I feel eating healthy.

Generally on the positive trends despite all obstacles, what I noticed after this session how much karma and negative toxic subtle energy I burnt through even when some of it is ticking inside of me. Overall I reduce a lot of karma with these activites, exercise and meditation. I am grateful for meditating to 528 frequencies, I generally feel very well after this I am grateful for solving more mathematical problems with ease I am grateful to no get sucked into the youth hype and care more about health and fitness/power and staying strong and beign strong I am thankful und dankbar für die Fähigkeit mich fähig zu fühlen und Hindernisse zu überwinden und mich nicht auf toxische Frauen einlassen. Ich bin dankbar nicht den drang zu haben Identitäenpolitk zu spielen und das weiterhin auch nicht toxische asiatische Frauen mich mögen Ich bin dankbar für mehr harmonie and ruhe. Did a 30 minute session.

First gym sesh before doctor re-call. Feeling well. Seeing some inevitabilities etc. I might just date via OkCupid generally and maximize and minimize as much as possible, integrate the new mindsets. I listend to the pragmatic programmer audiobook for principles etc. The talk with someone else gave me insight into what I could do, I still have a very great future ahead of me, when I can get into the right position and find the right people. I generally find the audacity of many to be critical. Going to meditate and then work on uni stuff, current reflection was this. Coding to real life principles -> guesstimates make more of them check how correct they are and see how often you're correct. Attraction of women, instinctiual guesstimates etc. Children and evolutionary perspective issue with orange and below = RSD, stage red rap group stuff Black women recently and how the stages below are almost undateable I notice this very often, if you have braids you're fine in that sense it's insane how toxic some are and I say that as a bi-racial person. Simply because of beauty and the value of beauty and past historical events. Other stuff also. It's heavy how non-negotiable stage red is when there is not enough healthy green. Wasting time here. Will meditate the best guesttimate to put the new principle to practice is expecting distractions and keeping myself of them. It's also interesting how many "immigrants" I find that are yellow, yet are sucked into lower stages because of projections at turqouise they'd simply see they are stupid and play power games and are very dumb creatures. Let's just see what will happen.

It would be a great ressource to have similar to the athlean x product I bought that I can re-visit over and over, yet he just takes everything down. I feel it's more worth getting the stuff for free and joining some sort of community there, and fitler out the toxicitiy and be a real agent. The point is the guy is extremely good at spotting trends, especially in the dating area. I got sucked into this abundance hype, because it was an emotion that is generated around the sametime each year, the content is very good, yet the none available re-accessibility of it makes it a pump and dump scheme. On actualized.org, athlean x etc. I can revisit the program everytime, and the stuff evolves, here you have some dirty gray area. I don't know how many lawyers this guy must have. I do like him, yet it's not easy to grow resentful, if he sells that much hope and makes re-accessabillity not possible. I would prefer other dating coaches and pua's that are smaller. They really scam most likely guys better than girls. The content is great, yet I would never ever again purchase one product from them for any possible money, because of re-accessibility. Finding a support structure for this is not easy with how toxic and lazy most of them most likely are. I still like him, yet I will not purchase anything from him that has costs me more than 100€. David DeAngelo took down his webpage after 20 years and made an offer to buy all content for cheap, this guy takes down websites each year. ROI? Questionable seriously. I would get it for free. If you have a 100k salary and some time I would say f*** it, it's still not good business practice. Any gym has more integrity than RSD. You basically have to partake in this sprint from start to finish in the online programm, there is no safety net. He does also not care about this. If I break my leg, get diagonsed with smth. everything is lost. I asked a couple of times to get into the telegram group, still not in there etc. etc. Called the business in california etc. they were forthcoming. Still if you don't participate from start to finish, you'll loose access. It's basically a 1k bootcamp, IIRC the promise was you can re-access and train with it. It's not true, as far as I know I don't have the my id anymore to access this, yet when I found it and re-accessed it stuff just moved to different domains IIRC.

I am awake very early for the early gym session. Not all to happy, yet I was looking for some accountabillity structure to get out of bed and do the stuff. 36 minutes, I could be faster 10 minutes. For efficiency as part of freedom&autonomey value. Just by brushing teeth and water in face and let's go on empty stomach etc. Briefly connecting and writting down somewhere online to connect to purpose etc. I feel very alone at times, and I still struggle with some stuff despite all the work etc.

It's a huge scam I would look if I could get the stuff for free and find wings that are non-toxic and just go out or just go out with friends and practice low-key. I bought the course, it's great, yet he does not have a database I would just get it somewhere for free Owen Cook is a huge scammer imo. He forces you basically to partake and leaves you alone. I would not buy any of this products again. I legit got scammed the first time online. Maybe live is fine, because you can go out. As far as I can tell all content is lost, as he takes down the wegpage? I was unable to join the stuff and it took me an endless effort to "honestly" get into any of the stuff. I would not feel guilty pirating some of his stuff, he deserves it sort of for the shameless grifting. I like him, yet I find his style of business is fundamentally that of an asshole. He could provide a database for the stuff, and pixel out all people, so you can see the stuff and raw game etc. So he does not hurt any privacy rights, I don't know ultimately in how much trouble you can get into with filming rights and privacy rights. Still it's a huge scam in a sense if I can't access the stuff 1 year later, and I have to rely on others having downloaded it and sharing it for free. Would not buy a product from him that costs me more than 100€ live maybe is good, yet hotseat is a scam if you can't re-access it.

She texted back, I can only analyze as much this is also higher-cogntive order, mostly I write now from what I feel works best, so more from an emotional state, even if it is very lame,bland and boring. I am stuck on some tiny mathematics stuff, I ask her tomorrow and continue applied for the data science project. Where I attended the stuff. Let's see what will happen.

Writting briefly again. Some conversations die down quickly I am not beign very humerous as my humour is so offensive and it's often about identity what others enjoy. I could make a shadow work session about animal identities. I am going to be odd, and masturbate daily for 14 days and then stop for 14 days no idea what this will do, yet I might get some edgey ideas to write while jerking off no clue otherwise. I am emotionally peril? Simply because of how much concrete identity projection I've received so beign playful here and the issue of control... I'll re-open in a couple of days with something humerous, unsure what else to do. This is the general thing I'd wanted to do, I could be funny even a clown is better than a nice guy that is a very good indication I often felt guilt tripped here reading parts of heartise was fantastic. For a better non Leonian frame.

I forgot my overall 20 minute review of the week. I am making this a 10 minute review of goals, weekly etc. If i track to much with shitty design I feel like I am becoming soulless. What can I improve upon? Timing and enjoyable session creation. The biggest and largest obstacle is not waking up and checking dating for connections somehow something deep in me craves connection be it offline, online in meditation etc. Just use a dating app to wake up I know this is, yet somehow the only thing that let's me wake up. Sprinkle in some 10 minute visualizations per day. To really manifest your vision just 10 minutes each day is going to give me huge results with all the pre-training I did. Continue success creation I reflect a lot like a lot, the biggest issue I have with the perfection point. I could chill at times more. Tracking progress etc. What helped till now the best is a flux of different things. Opening up emotionally more to women I meet nudge step by step most humans open up a bit more... I know hurts more... yet it's just fundamentally better.

The point is I received some energy, that is quiet toxic and I need another shadow session to integrate sp/so tendencies in that sense and be more of an animal and social animal and take these hits also. I do meet somewhat conscious humans I generally enjoy high green, I don't know also some conservative asians are more green than they think, they just get pulled into this toxic validation stuff at times. I do have to see how I can let go of bitterness as well as the humans who create the public perception of it. I am a bit worried, yet I feel generally more secure, I don't know how much I can integrate and let go, overall it's mostly staying in a flow like process. There are so many beautiful women there is no need for me to complain, I am just frustrated at myself that I could not built and did not built what I wanted to build, and now I am in this merit ridden half/trap, half/freedom. With other aspects. That is it mostly. There is some anger against the path of many young women and some women who see themselves as high value, and do high value activities like me. It's an odd thing currently to go through as Germany has very bad products for healthy eating fast etc. and is unconscious about food. To some extend. I really would like to have a conscious asian women as my girlfriend/wive etc. I feel more at home usually here, as there is just that healthy blue/orange at times that I missed. Yeah.... as well as the purpose support generally, I just really need a healthy set of friends. Anything else? I am legit grateful for every non bitter and competitive women, I'll most likely have to read a couple of things I did so much shadow work and every week is getting better and every month also, ever since I've started doing it again, process auto-heal and auto-integrate. What I am concerened about is my desire for escapism. As well as teh more spiritual habits etc. I am going to work now. I am still very hurt by the comments of me beign bitter, I've legit worked as much as I could and I know my region itself was very bitter, and I just don't like the notion... I am yearning to be open and free and loving.... I could make studying and all of this merit and point stuff I game Leo destroyed some stuff I naturally destroyed I still don't know where to go at times, he still sees the thing, yet he knows it will take longer because of non-commital etc. I choose this.... I am out for now doing stuff.

Unsure as to why this journal is getting traction, I will purchase some food I will to game 90% sober, and never drink more than 3-4 radler. When I do it etc. Focusing on career is just better and I mostly would do better with an asian women I believe for dating as well as more women who enjoy nature and not this bitter alpha business types and family orientation thing. Let's continue and be open, I have some solid theory, and it's mostly about training and experience here. If I do it again. I still get matches (jerked off got a match coincidence?????????????????) I don't know what the universe is showing me for me when I grew up it literally was as a black man pleasure, relish it don't degenerate it. Take what's there and what feels well and aids to contribution of goals and personal pursuits.

Alright I did the 30 minutes of meditation, it's kinda unfortunate how much value I placed into diversity I don't know how I can play this stuff out fully, especially after a good to decent meditation sesh. I focused on this time the expansion aspect, as I've been hiding male qualities and shadow to light personafications. What did I notice this session? How concentration manifests itself near the cerebellum, as well as how much flow I get into a full body holistic feeling even if they are only slight remanents, I could also approach if I see some 1w9's they are generally the only type of girl I would consider having a deeper relationship currently outside the club etc. If I go to bars&clubs as it's a scene as any other. I am grateful I went out yesterday and for my mentor to give me valueable feedback without hitting into the danger zone, and dark side to much he was embracing the light and not the dark, as what I am consistently working on to some extend. I am thankful for seeing beautiful weather outside and the current two dates for some social rewards for studying and working. I am grateful that I can find more peace by creating the vision and life that I wanted be it belated, and or not and that people who give me advice take my mental health into account instead of just letting it be some version of take take take you are subtle perception X. I am grateful that I feel more content and happy after approaching some women, as well as how much effort and pain it took to shake of ideas of status to some level and the lower class kids caring much about status and reputation I am thankful to let go more and more of the idea of status and class as well as the subtle anger associated with it and the palpable physical responses. It's like a hijacking of serotonin pathways? This is it I would meditate longer and go to the gym, and work on some networking/business idea. I do have the correct projects I am a bit stiffled by merit ridden society. As well as how much projection happens and how generally "degenartes" left,right,centrist enjoy me for beign honest. That is fundamentally it. Anything else? I enjoy solving more after I went through some basics, and did caluclations of it. I notice how nice it is to take care of serotonin in that way and well-beign. Next time I want to approach the girl where I'd feel sexual polarity, the push&pull is fundamentally sexual polarity at play. I was all pull, yet no push I could have disqualified her, and tell her stuff I don't date broke chicks, and smth. akin to this. I might move into subtle gaslighting as this is a playful area and beign playful is a hard skill to refine. I could say I don't date broke girls who sit on lamas and horses, who only want love. I only care about money, and then tell her I am playing. Instead of just kidding. That is a fine difference. This is still casual and chill. But poloarazing, I do have to become a bit more of what I fear. Which is a gentle controlling king sort of archetype, yet some have to die. In that sense...

Anything else about the night I'll drink a lost cup of coffee and then meditate. Also Tinder is by far the most superfical plattform. I generally would need a more yellow~ish enviroment this is mostly still to orange/green, so it does not quiet work out and not enough flexible fun and lean options, like going indoor climbing etc. Skillsetting this for 30h, skillsetting that for 40h to just work on that one skill you know? That'd be coding. That is fundamentally it, I don't know what to review besides taking new pictures. Also my perception does differ a lot, from most PUA's, I notice I am very different, that is what I meant I would benefit gaming with someone black, as we just hit differently. This is fundamentally it. I do have to see what I can do. I'll meditate and hope I get some more answers to a couple of questions. I will also look and go out with the chinese chick I got to know she was also different from the average Orange/green stuff, she generally had some more yellow/red vibes. Till now every date that listen to hip-hop, like the beach, and water and nature was great. Spiritual people are still to f*ed, I could gamify some aspects of my life generally. I am abstaining from social media use, because I don't feel I could properly boost my status, I don't know how far I need to let go of the liberal me, and embrace the business side. There is a neutrality there that is nice, the liberal is where the heart meets. I know my mentor is a great guy as he once feel in love deeply I felt it when he explained the story, that was deep. He still felt it.... that was also beyond MDMA etc. What I've felt back there, it felt like I was moving worlds and it fitted into the world narrative falling in love in Paris, the reality was the romance was stronger in my head, than the actual physical reality of it. That is also the crux of the 4. Often times when something is away you notice how deeply you love and or have loved it. I don't think you can have children with a non-liberal women I would never she would never love a child as one of her own, and extract love. With that I mean the "degenerate" liberal. Not the other stuff. Let's see what will happen...... I am not satisfied with some stuff.... and it takes a lot of time.... The point is making orange/blue not a grind, requires friendship. That is the unfortunate way for a social introvert. I usally also calm down, the point is healthy red is what is seemingly the best way of going about game with sprinkles of yellow. I am glad the guy was a physics major the bouncers also appreciated us I would always go there. It's a bit fancy and like OkCupid I don't do well with people who generally lack some level of self-worth. I've built love and self-worth and self-respect I notice. The nr.1 issues is status currently. I notice simply having confidence is the solution and building the vision. It's still not easy to go through all of this, I basically have to do productive dating during breaks, as it motivates me for tasks mostly. I legit saved 300€ this month close to it. Which is incredible. I was in such a slump, and I am generally better with money, as long as they don't move this stupidity conformity in that forces you collectively to be certain stuff. Fancy dinner, fancy restaurant for your posh and noble wife this lavish stuff. I am glad I am good at "brainwashing" people, maybe I am a gaslighting asshole? Yet I have been gaslit by norms a lot in my life. Especially my mother. Let's see I can give more power, as soon as I have the recommendations from the doctor as I am lost here.....

My brain is not computing some integrals, but it's okay overall. I will order also ashwaganda to calm down my nervous system, the scar co-opts some depth. I never went out so cheap. I payed 13€ for 6h!!!!! Insane how cheap game is as well as how dumb most humans are to spend so much on drinking how dumb I was because of shitty role models. Let's see what happens I can relate to a lot of men who are frustrated at the end three guys approached us and said omfg we are so bad at getting girls we are such peasents etc. I thought like wow, they were so earnest and I bet they could get laid as a group quickly if they would realize they need to single themselves out etc. Some other dynamics. Going to play one video game then meditate and post about it and continue with several routines. That was a nice change, yet yeah I do have to see. It's not very enjoyable to be injured and I lost a lot of my edge etc. Leo's game is also different america... just hits differently. I told him also I can't go full into party mode, as I would made fun of 90% of the people, and in america I could make fun of myself more properly. You know? You're the asshole and have always been not me. I could also be a tiny bit more chill for some others we genuitently I would get along with. So that is a mistake on my part. I still can max out my character in a sense. I did not masturbate and ejaculate for 14-10 days, porn also works differently for different people? So I dunno till now it was one match per day approx for everyday I jerked off somewhat ironically.

It was fun definitely I could plan these things, and just create the idea of spontaneous planning I feel asleep in the train, as I was tired from the little bit of alcohol. Anyway I will just continue with the 528 frequency type of meditation and create more abundance etc. As well as create and do the things I enjoy I lived like a degenerate as I had to many negative influences. We will go out some othertime I hope.

I should also tell them weird stories that I was a lost baby out of nicaraguah and my parents found me in the abyss of the nile delta river, where cleopatra herself found me and made me the second holy priest of egypt. Maybe only the first part, yet funny shit talk like this. Nicaraguah is even in south-america I love non-sensicals. I do have to play around with the status idea, as I don't enjoy it yet it's hefty reality, if she asks what I do I could say. I study toilet paper science, for mc donalds and rive of their to develop my own type of playful style. I did the 30+ days funny challenge from Leo, and did more of it, some stuff got lost simply due to life and the overall rigidity of German work culture and animalistic hierachy thinking and socializing. To see a diverse group is rare. I love every 1w9 in this country, to make it a little more perfect and I love every conscious 9w1 to be more open and healing and anti-cockblock. The number one issue is having photage of physical escalation I basically just want a solid 8-10 as a life partner, that makes life more enjoyable and easier. I was at 9.5 approx, now I am at 7.5 maybe. Because of finances and income, which I don't like to include, yet see more as of a practical co-creation and solo creation endeavour.

Also my mentor was suprised by my workabillity, that I did approach 4 sets solo, I would have done more if I would have prepped the state better and we were in a full group where desires align, yet they don't function fully holonically, which makes it tricky. As needs are radicalized. They can't have fun sober while I went full sober and vegan straight edge for one year or so. I notice the issue of the animalistic type this country is, if you are not liberal in Germany, it's one miserable way to life and enjoy life. Any liberal type girl I meet has more conscious awareness than the succesful types from Tinder and Bumble, with some exceptions. Like the techno integration of stuff. That is mostly and fundamentally it. What I miss is someone like a conscious father who checks in with me, asks me how I am doing and is just happy with me living. Reminds me of goals and to-dos and the abillity to connect to another healthy male who is just available. I miss something akin to this. The stage orange types have so many stereotypes it's tricky to find a girl that I like and that is healthy. I am glad I was in a non-toxic mood otherwise I would have attracted the mental edge cases. I would push a couple of dreams if I could.... I enjoy selfless living, yet how egotistical I have to be for this makes me feel like a slut, I hope we can go out more the feedback from him till now was just giga solid. He also came out fresh out of a relationship and generally was more like me and Leo in a sense? That he did it to maximize chances to find a girlfriend and get laid, and not be 40+ and divorced this is horrible. Most are unable to strike the right balance and those who do, mostly are not spiritual, yet live great lifes and are great friends, especially if you're on a similar status level. It's also heavy how well status is perceived for me as a black male, if I would play it out consciously as this is a dovetailing... of the level of quality as status = quality from my observations in the female brain. This certainly built some confidence, I do notice the last girl also noticed the state I was in, yet she was so drunk she was in a state of her own, as she could be consciously drunk as I am at times. Especially if you're eyes see what they like, magic is created even drunk. I am not a newbie when it comes to going out, yet more to other stuff. I also notice I feel even when the best game is smooth, women what somewhat of a flash to me. Because of marketing? It's either flashy and or get me pregnant, and if she is not like this she is willing to brainwash, and the few who are conscious like nature and just notice it's not neccessary I'd do well with a girl who says if she enjoys nature. I approached a sanguine/penguine enjoyer we generally don't vibe and it's heavy how far personalities go. Me as a negotiating type of sanguine/choleric I do well with cholerics who are slightly bitter and want to let it out in a sense, I generally do well with cholerics and with phlegmatics, and other sanguines. Mixes that don't vibe are: Melancholy -> none absolutely none till now, it's like I dunno just no vibe there Other sanguine/cholerics most likely would give the best vibe Cholerics as long as they can hold their butts thight Sanguines generally Melchanolic/Cholerics most likely also because of sarcasm, yet melancholy in itself generally not as much That is it from that personality and temperament spectrum from a sheer analysation point. I most likely currently have. It was a nice social training, I notice some other events dovetail into this, I hope the doctor can give me proper feedback on thursday.... It's still heavy for me to gulp how could humans are if you don't meet them face to face. It suprised me how neutral and objective I can be, because I know my life will be better than 90% of these idiots who get drunk. Even if I would never have sex, my life was already deeper and in a sense better, than some monkeys chasing thrills.

I've been out yesterday and I notice several things, first of all how painful it is to create the life I wanted to create, and how much effort it takes to meet girls and go out, it's just nice to have friends, yet many are not into this they settle for every common denominator, as they don't have to push themselves. I was suprised my mentor was clean, as well as healthy and functional we were similar, it's quiet heavy what deah does to a person so early. I had a ressurgance of a huge drive to commit and go out and meet women, offline and online and to have a great social circle, with all kinds of people. Most "normals" even support you, as long as you're not toxic and enjoy the ride, they don't realize their own toxicity and discrimination at times, based soley on status as they act like a goodey two shoes at times. Even Eckhart Tolle said fuck you recently like an f/u. What I am denying is I enjoy stage blue a lot more than I think, as well as how much time I've wasted by not playing the more yellow pilled version of life, yet that hindred simply by the expenses of having yellows who act to blue. They are egotistical in that sense and assholes. By not partaking in evolution and the dirt of it at times, unsure how else to say. You can't make the whole world perfectly clean and beautiful, at times it would be nice if normal people would acclimiatize themselves to the reality of others. I also believe day game is a better way for me to meet women, especially if you are going on a career, a park stroll at a larger city talking to girls, will most likely be more charming than any approach. How much validation that gave to her just to approach amazed me, even when I rejected and she rejected. The pick-up community is worse than the activity of it self, it showed me also how unsocial humans are and manipulate for their advantage, because of their reality perception and acclimatize to the need of the group, if you diversify you really have to see where you land sort of. Also a lot of "artifical women" like me seemingly could be because of 9w1 parents. I talked to one blue eyed 9w1 that is mostly the only one I can relate to as they are actually chill. She had a boyfriend right next to me, I liked her for just beign her. She really has to have blue eyes though. They all liked me, besides one guy it's also heavy how much of a penality I can draw if Germans band together and express their culture it's very barbaric it's foreign to me, legit very foreign. I did not approach an asian girl, as I do get suprisingly well along with asian people. I just don't enjoy subtle undercurrents, when I interact with some more conservative minded, and the liberal minded ones currently OkCupid I feel more at home, as I notice it's more about the human than the character. You know? That is very difficult to find and to express, yet the classical success of a blue/orange pilled world, is legit missing. Even the yellow pill would screen me out with many, besides if I drive a lamborghini. It's also that the whole new liberal scene moved into techno it's quiet heavy and the more normal crew which I disliked is very lazy on working on themselves on average. Otherwise they might would come to a somewhat similar conclusion. All in all I am quiet grateful for the night and I can do this solo and strategically to keep a structural scaffold. I still prefer auto-generating online, offline is tricky for me as a hypersensetive person I can get bored quickly. Anyway this was interesting to me as of lately. I did not think that my mentor studied physics and would be into creating businesses with A.I, yet I presume also he was so/sp, so he just acts and lives from a different place. The humans I approached were all very conservative in their own right. I never dated for nationality etc. It's like a hierachy forced upon you, and some heavily exploit. With a sexy body and carrer I would get 80% of the girls, right now the confidence was fine, when I hooked the first girl I just went for it, I could look out for physical escalation most were very fine with it, besides one girl who had this business mentality mindset and I don't know what is wrong with these type of women. It's like they are their own enemy of finding good men, as they look for the stupidest and most monsterous type of guys for deep masculine destructive energy, instead of nudging their way into this depth. All in all more reference experience is needed and better photos and style as well as body would make a 90% improvement. I could have gotten drugged, and I most likely would still prefer some asian/american women mostly, as well as a very western/asian women, as there simply is more harmony and I had the best time with teenages friends and support and also desire to grow together.... I miss this healthy more democratic side. Where you'd also go out to visit and have a drink with friends etc. etc. Go on adventure, hiking etc.... survival trips.... I could have had it all, it's insane the guy told us that his father died based on cancer that is the third person now I've meet, this most break you beyond believe that you can even bounce back so healthily and enjoy life is insane.... Most of you have it so well, you can't even recognize how painful it is when someone is beign taken away from you. It's an odd way to think about this. I would and could ask him, if he'd be down to do some techno stuff. There is also a huge issue with the degeneracy of taking and drinking alcohol to fight like fuckwits on the street, instead of other substances like LSD. But people are animals so let them loose control ???. Anything else I wanted to type about? No... besides that I love human experience with fellow travellers... and I miss a somewhat more conscious and succesful friendgroup. Like my two besties and the new guy I just meet. I notice when I go out how important health consciouness is. Actually also how "racist" black women acted, holy cow I never have seen anything as odd as this. I know the depth of masculinity and feminity when I see black men and women, as a bi-racial person, yet this is heavy similar to the level of the street dog type of girl. It's basically female assholes in a sense, like just bullying assholes and monkeys. I overgeneralize, yet I see the vibe of this generally. This is what I find tricky about deeper and darker more controlled feminine and masculine aspects. Anything else for now? Mostly the stereotypical thing and how many women I believe want children from me subconsciously I don't know what byproduct this is, yet I don't enjoy it as much, simply because I did not have a proper opportunity to build anything at this scale and then to sacrifice everything for a tiny little snotty annoying creature, just no. Even when I like kids. Just no. I hope I can be more holistic and spiritually healthy with exercise I am pretty sure I'd find my RGW there.

It's like less talking more fun and physical action????????

First night I've been out, and giving my first shot at game officialy with minor use of alcohol. We had 6 sets in total going to analyse briefly. 3 things that went well, overall focus. 3 things that were bad. First set: Beautiful girl, mentor/wing approach demonstration super in the zone. I smooth talked the friends and had an "unattractive stage green" friend then approaching me, because I seem so likeable etc. In the friendgroup after I talked to the friend. I could have made a reference that she looks like she is 19 to help out my friend and even put me in, the competition in friendly perception is not even bad? Bad was drinking alcohol from strangers and not picking up some signals, guys have been bigger cockblocks than girls this day. Second set: I approached a girl in the wrong bar, she totally was hooked at the beginning and eyed like crazy I did not even know how she looked like. She was blonde and might have been a little older, I felt like she was the most naturally interested in me, I basically blew her out... as I was just skill gaining in a sense, and I don't even know what I like when I approach. I could have asked for her number, as this was a possibility for a lay, and she was just very receptive my experienced mentor/wing was surprised. Third set: I approach a girl and she was alone on her phone (friend gave me a thing I would love to talk about and exactly say, that was perfect opener) she giggled very hard, as I seem to be like someone who could make a lot of money????????????????? We danced and she was very receptive I did not like her face, I became turned on when I saw her body, yet it took me a while to let go of the perception of her not liking her face, yet her body was hot... That spiced the energy a bit, she was dancing next to me, and I was a bit stuck as I was afraid of taking her and grinding her. Overall this pattern happend twice they were very receptive to me touching them. Anyway next point. Fourth set: Friend approached I blew up the set, by not approaching as fast as him I am a bit more balanced and moderate in my approach, the most gentles approach with 0 gimmick, could have worked, what went well was that I did not do anything toxic and was bitter, and my wing also not. They just left for the dance floor 3 times for whatever reason. (second time here) Fifth set: Wing approaches again, he told me to take her friend, her friend was hotter so it was easier for me and she knew it, she enjoyed it she was also a 2w1. She was so ready to make out and kiss for connection and love, and I did not went for an instant make out, she just wanted to connect physically. I touched her a couple of times on the shoulder, and they all let me enter their private zone, I did this touch so often, it shows me that I did something intuitively deeper, as the advanced mentor told me to fingertap, yet I am not as intelligent as him (physics major), so I don't .... come across as "insane". I noticed I had the seem perception about him at times that he is creepy, yet he is just very radical and unorthodox, and had to go through a lot... I still don't know him fully, yet he seems like a genuit person, otherwise he would not help and be so awesome for free. I talked to her friend, wing told me she was very receptive and one point she checked me out, I kept asking questions and making observational statements, and they offered me stuff like drinks etc. She looked at me to see if I was for real and if I had real interest, I did have, yet I am very slow to decide showing interest. As I am so fast... disgusted by stuff... holy moly.... it's tricky the first girl did not have any direct flaws where I'd felt disgusted..., yet the gaming friend decided, that the other girl was more interested in me. I would not have noticed she only glanced once at me, and I did not take her as things move very very fast on a moment to moment basis. 6'th set: Just a classic blow out, she had a hot body, her face was not of my interest she also was blonde and had blue eyes, she was not very much as attractive all in all. I did not approach the women I find physically attractive as I was scared of getting into any sort of trouble, so I choose the easier route, when I choose and checked for a challenge, I could have just approached and gotten to know all the girls, yet I am so nice at times, I downgrade myself to acclimatize to the group, instead of beign a narccistic prick. She told me she had a boyfriend I gave her the classic, can he not share? She just said sorry in an somewhat still happy to talk and uncomfortable way, and was not interested we'd both most likely would have regretted it I really did not like her face. I just was social. What I was wondering about, how chill and cock-blocking guys were at the sametime, and how I did some stuff intuitively correct, I just resonate more with a push&pull type of girl & edgy girls. The point is I am so likeable I could finger girls in 10 seconds I feel, I don't know it's a very odd dynamic I feel in retrospect girls wanna feel good about their body, and they can use a "conscious black" guy for an excuse to do this. So I dunno physical escalation.... yeah the fear becomes my strength, yet what is not paradoxcial about my life. I was surpised to meet more hot girls till now online than offline. So I have 16 approaches now approx. with wings. It's a good reference experience. We splitted groups etc.

https://www.mctb.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/MCTB2_Complete_PDF_Final.pdf https://www.mctb.org/ https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4129848-mastering-the-core-teachings-of-the-buddha This is mostly from the buddhist perspective otherwise everything from integral theory and ken wilber about awakening/enlightenment, be wary here Leo has a different take and differs from the more "common" buddhist perception, the maps dovetail somewhat nicely. I did not fully read mastering the core teachings of the buddah, yet if you resonate with zen and pragmatism, this will be the best possible source. Michal Thaft and Shinzen Young could be others, yet I would recommend checking out Ken Wilber and integral theory if you are interesting in even the critique about buddhism etc. Also a different type of conceptualization from enlightenment that generally is not as technical, more broad still very technical and gives more clarity I find imo. https://integrallife.com/ The religion of tomorrow is a great book from Ken Wilber, I finished it fully it dives into pathologies of enlightenment stages and not states, besides notes which are even like 100 pages, reading this you can basically do 80% of the work solo and 20% you can check up and get and give support. If you want to! Other sources I would check out Leo's video and if you're into psychdelics Martin Ball, as well as any common sense that can be drawn from it, Ken Wilber has some takes, and the new "research/science" focuses on how much well beign this can cause and psychological health for example. Which is a new paradigm many undercut. Even for a 80+ year old zen master there is some ego/personification and some suffering, yet it's most likely attenuated to a level most mortals can't comprehend.

Is there a language filter now? cu** asshole, penis, bitch, whore, nazi? sorry son of a bitch, fuck, fuck you. But cu** is censcored piederas, galuboy, sucka blijat, hurensohn, motherfucker wtfffff ---- I don't know where I can go with cursing and cussing, a deep part of me loves this rascal type energy it's so playful it's racist. Not many have the skill for this humour and stomach. Including me. Is cu** that offensive? Fotze. Lord forgive my foul and bloody sailor mouth. Yes, it's horribly offensive lol.

Shadow Work: Theme: 6w5'ish Marcel type kind of guy, anything else? Golden Shadow excitement and achievment sharing for inspiration 3: He looked like a thin white guy, who physically compares himself with others as he overfocuses on his weakness and hides his weakness in strength He looked like a stage purple anarachist liberterian type who has the mindset of those who have earned it deserve it fuck the rest I only care about myself because I am a greedy asshole and that is me! He had long-hair and friends who relished his achievements with him? He was the leader of the group and or had a leadership position based on competence It felt like he feared me for some reason as well as instinctiually went against me because it was about intelligence It felt like he was afraid of status comparrisions and I seemingly had the most physical status and he was forced to be compared and he did not like that It felt like a deeply painful and survival threatening social manipulation game as the professor likes me very much and expects a lot of me, it felt like elite breeding It felt like he was offended at me not being elite, and we both knew I would dismiss him if I would be more elite, as he would never take the endeavour of undertaking this physically It felt like he had racial attitudes against black people similar to conservative brain washing that keeps you from beign successful and enforces a toxic mindset of anti-success and materalism forced onto you, you have to work hard because you are stupid sort of way. It felt like a deeply held power dynamic about sexual aggression in case I feel threatend by a guy who feels like a girl to me, because all he relies on is his intelligence and generally seems to be a porn watching degenerate who blames Andrew Tate on me It felt like this Tate like energy got evoked in me, which is difficult to appreciate as of recently and lately, because it's like a baller/player type energy, yet the notion of Tate let's me contract It felt like he would even play the survival status game of flexflow development, yet he refused to give up physically because white = better to him deterministically It felt like he denies the worldview of mine of having faced and beign faced with discrimination and that this has an impact on my performance be it cognitively etc. It felt like I am in denial about it also how much reputation inspires me consciously, as well as how status loss is treated with anger and hostility. It feels like I did most of the things correct in my life, and I just did not have the enudrance to pull through and I am beign juged for that. It feels like I have more value to give, yet I can't provide it currently as well as I seem to have a better character that is not based on video game playing and having had parents and beign a demanding asshole. It was like he consciously decided to make stuff look easy, because he was in disbelief how "stupid" others are and acted so arrogant even the professor hated him. 2: Alright shadow this is odd, I notice I can get more content while typing, as there is so much I perceive, yet what are you showing me? I am showing you're your own status, reputation, noteriety, recongition, strength and beauty, denial an anger perception. Then what is it that I am in denial about? Am I this pre-planned abortion of having to witness the idiocy of others and getting angry, because of their lazyness and the issue of beign intelligent? You know that I have a degree and this guys does not have one, he did this previous semester I never touched this stuff, they have higher expectations of me, and this shit cu** get's away with motivation and I am beign looked at this perfection status leader, what happens actually? Can you tell me? I tell you you are clearly more socially dominante in a way and were competiting with the guy, was that not obvious? The guy to the right of you with the man bun also, was seemingly more interested to be friends with you as you still were more chill and not as needy as a kid who needs to disrespect others intelligence. We both know I am similar otherwise I would not get triggered, am I as intelligent as him? We talked to the arabian guys and they also explained and showed, is this again this status and repute looser perception 90% of the time they loose out, as they are this rebellious shit cu** nobody likes, in my rebellion I usually find even one or two allies. What is this about? It's about the rebellious personality spectrum of yours, you're correct, yet what you're not shown is how you enjoy socially undermining others for your own perceived benefit of not looking stupid. This stems from Greed? Yes, this stems from greed, you're clearly in a different perception releam they perceive you as either exquiste perfection/balance... and or absolute social dominance, you don't get this grey social line, many of these kids get. I know, yet how can I integrate this trigger? What gift are you bringing to me? I am bringing you a gift and a curse, you enjoy having loads of status and reputation as you enjoy providing skill and competence with confidence, you don't even mind failling that much, yet you generally enjoy sharing and outsourcing your capabillities and living and acting from gratitude and abundance, so what is wrong here, can you see? Since when are you so kind.... it's fundamentally about this black kid/part in me that is quiet energetic, revengful, powerful, resentful, strong, inspiring, many good and bad qualities. Is this a blue shadow? At w/e lvl 2.0 or smth? See, you enjoy the healthy qualities more and you become resentful when energy, power, and inspiration as well as strength is beign taken away from you, especially in the intellectual domain for some reason, to some extend. So what I am seeing and feeling is what when I see him how am I like this skinny white kid, who is forced to play a physical social game? Well.... you're in fear of beign found out, that you are not as smart and or intelligent as you are as this white kid is about his physical apperance beign seen not as beautiful as the kid actually perceive himself to be. It's like I am the one who realizes I am not as beautiful as I believe I am, yet that is sort of a given and also subject a lot to public discrimination in a racial releam, why did this guy perceive it like that? Others did not. Well... good question very good question. You clearly see how you are physically dominating the guy and he instinctively knows you have better chances when even the professor (who was attractive when young) seems to smile and has this perfect handsome level perception of you, like you're the golden child and or protege. You clearly sense this, this is also a huge contentious point for you, as this messes with your self-image a lot as you notice. So I am the one who competes for a protege spot? Instead of creating it? Grey area. You're there, yet not quiet you are beign attacked as you perceive even others, when you're in non-perception this dwindles and all power comes back to you... can't you see? I do see now.... what does this also have to do with super heros? We'll eventually get to that another time for now be wary of viruses that included racial topics, especially with well-meaning conservatives some of this stuff I don't know how helpful is just shadow. 1: I am the one who wants to be seen as a protegè as well as who competes for spots like this. I am the one who immensely enjoys reputation and status perceptions that it moves me beyond ego this is very counter-intutive for me I am the one who is socially more dominante and therefore threatening to others I am the one who overvalues and undervalues his beauty and has competition that is beign created in a racialized way, because of envyious perceptions and bratty behaviour and demands. I am a demanding asshole who has nothing to give and a low status dog who bites, yelps and barks at every perception that threatens once confidence and shadow. I am the one who enjoys the healthy qualties of "black child" powerful, strong, inspiring and energetic. I am the one who fears the threatening of "white child" intelligent, nimble, perfect, unsullied, pure and the social games associated with it. I am the one who usually gives others a feeling of abundance after a while I am the one who has a strong desire to win and just win without even caring about the competition even if it's something as "mundane" as a math class. I am the one who notices others enjoy the competitive energy of me, even when I give my best to be more of a creator I am the one who wants to be treated like a golden child, even if I am not one simply because it feels healthy and natural to me and get's me into high flow states. I am the one who undermines others status socially by beign uppity and discriminating unhealthy and not healthily. I am the one who fears loosing status more than reputation I am the one who fears the sexual prowess of having darker skin color and the social games that are beign played. I am the one who activates a Tate like demeanour and energy, when I feel conservatively threatened, as well as threatend racially by unjust perceptions that are self-serving for attention like a Hurenratte. I am the one who acts like a whoring rat at times and a pimp, because of fear of beign and feeling unworthy. This is fundamentally it for this session unsure what else I can integrate, some of this is in constant flux. I've already changed immensely the last two months with doing some shadow work. It's like I am a new person and a lot of attenuation happened.