ValiantSalvatore

All of this nutrition and not having like a proper cheat meal without considering my health is also so annoying.

Going to be a little stupid, but it is what it is. I feel better this way.

Today is Day 0: Brief report. I will stream & do some work then for the company and my seminar & clean my appartement in my breaks & cook for tomorrow. I might meditate for 10 minutes minimum a day, when I am seriously stressed as this even works. Gratitude Journal: I am grateful that some of the girls that liked me were the absolute perfection of girls I would have loved in my life, absolute imperfect girls who also have high-standards, yet lower them as they know it's delusional to have high-standards and simply do their best in their lives I am grateful for doing the pitch-perfect 90 day challenge of living my new lifestyle and routines & getting rid of the orangness of them and looking for higher stage yellow things I am grateful I find my inner work ethic again, without assholes motivating me for their gleeful pain oriented nature and then burning-out and causing this burn-out by forcing & forcing & brute-forcing instead of doing it beautifully consistently with nudging slowly into perfection of depth I am grateful for my new friends and also my true self and getting rid of such hypocrites such as ralph smart with his vegan anti a.i worldviews I am grateful to not date and say no to vegans and liberal delusional creatures who are utterly in a shitty mental space because they can't eat properly and deny parts of their biology humanity is not that advanced I am thankful for everyone who is real to me and I can consider a true friend and not some hogwash who wants to influence me to their own ways. I have a serious carving also to be on the top fair, which can cause some trouble, yet get's me into the right level of improvement growth spectrum That is it. I am streaming and doing shit now.

Going to stream a bit and then work ideally & clean in my breaks, will not meditate I am feeling so extremely unhappy about all of this dating & class fight and beign human shit. I don't enjoy it at all. I don't enjoy the class suggestion of the average white girl who studied law and overcame the social odds, yeah by simply having ressources and living in the dark ages. I miss the more submissive and not constantly challenging girls who do not grow you, yet simply break you for no reason as to develop depth. Like do yoga or just meditate and go into nature, that develops more depth than you horse etc. Yet this makes you happy etc. I don't enjoy the typical german girls. I frankly don't like it anymore as well as the overfocus on mechanical knowledge for depth as depth = pain. What a simple equation.... way to simple ... it's such a circle jerk of human connection, I don't even know what connection is supposed to mean, for me it's simply life experience be it pain & or not and how you convey it. Anyway, I hope for now on out I do better. I am also so sick and tired of dating apps, I might focus on real relationships again. I also really want to move I hate fking seeing grandmas and children 90% of the time. I am so tired of seeing this in my immediate enviroment makes me feel so disconnected from what is happening. I am going to do a 90 day perfect routine challenge her, with that I mean pitch-perfect I will say no to everything and bitch about every Hurensohn who tries to motivate me, shut up! I am tired of seeing the same lame humans over and over again, and I'd like to move to America finally and I know what type of girl I'd like to have a relationship with. I can sense them from miles away. What does my perfect pitch-perfect routine involve. Waking up at 06:30 doing a stretching routine for 15 minutes. 1h meditation & gratitude journal Eating 4 toasts with stuff & a coffee Starting work from 9:00-21:00 approx Cooking at 12:00 or 13:00 & save some of the food Cooking the same shit over and over again also Daily changes and having the energy for daily immediate changes Intentions about current life Streaming on the weekend Keeping my commitments Deleting Online-Dating (only keeping one app & using it's automatic boosts) Working out 3x a week Taking supplements Taking protein shakes 3x a day Cleaning my appartement 15 min a day and for 1h a week Approximating all of this Weekly planning with Notion & if not do daily planning -> see how that edge is connecting you to god! You are god!!! See how god is giving you an edge on every performance in life!!! See how god is giving your meaning by beign on that edge Keep away from edge stealers, CLOSE THE GATES!!!!!! Share true feelings etc. Wake up and do your shit even when you feel a little energy loss, you're eating and doing so much pitch-perfect shit you need a pro-coach I don't know I am doing fking nothing wrong, I don't maximise properly Focus on maximising and not minimizing, ignore the minimizers Save the money you're making and do proper research. Study for university primarily and do your work and network Invest in the new friends fuck all the hoes and bitches from online-dating & legit buy the stuff from the OnlyFans girl you saw and give your best at consciously appreciating a true goddess in that sense, and not this rough socialist b.s on dating apps and materalist crap. This girl from my pov is pure perfection and I love that. Keep working on conscious conicidences even if they turn out a little dirty you saw what edge that gave you!!! Keep making plans about improving systems and enjoy that. Integrate yourself more etc. Take university serious again, I've gotten so lost with all these fking kids and status shit I am so tired of humans you would not believe it, I know why I loved seeing and beign in China and seeing ancient cities with not much to-do besides work, sleep be spiritual, honor your community. Current purchasing list: Drying machine Expensive running shoes New brand clothes, both professional and stylish Some accessoieres Stuff that fits your brain etc.

Post 2 Not sure anymore what to do and think when I went grocery shopping yesterday the world seemed a bit more normal as I talked to the cashier who generally is good spirited a bit, then I saw a group of fat german girls with bikes and I noticed the yapping & complain culture & the denial of their social priviledge generally speaking. I also can't seem to look at the competition in online-dating which would give me a better and rougher idea what to do even when I change my gender etc. It does not show me many male profiles for both apps it somehow does not do this anymore. This would certainly help me more than only seeing impossible girls. I just currently don't really know where to draw inspiration from, it would certain help me to see profiles of guys who are doing it totally wrong, as I am doing so much right, it's only little things that cost a lot of money and effort & I am a bit tired of it. Right now also to work on my goals and dreams, which also involved having a girlfriend and having to change that etc. Also the sheer amount of arrogance and toxicity from girls, my entire pain-body becomes activated at times, it really depends, yet there is a lot of hatred for the average German girl and guy due to the damage their culture has done emotionally to me. It's also not with everyone and it's often evoked in groups with some it works better, especially when the stimulation truely is higher and moves into joy & enthusiasm shit is not as bad, yet everything below that, even how Germans experience love in groups. I feel left out at times & it can evoke some serious negative notions. Right now, I am seriously dejected even when I've made and created the best possible option. I am seriously dejected and disappointed from to many things and people. I lost so much desire also to gain skill, as I sort of have the lazy businessmen around me etc. at work and I don't enjoy the drama that is created during skill creation. I also stopped caring about my life, I also don't care about watching some third world country etc. Then I attract it and the toxicity here, I don't frankly care and can't bear to watch it. It's so stupid. The only thing that motivates me to take action is proper beauty etc. Currently, there are so many mistakes and things. I frankly stopped caring. I don't know what the solution is besides to meditate and continue, yet I am tired of the people motivating me, they've made to many mistakes. The only one I appreciate are my best friend & another best friend as these are the only ones who really know me and I feel they know me, they know what to do at the right time, and I am barely angry at them. It's mostly the issue of perfection and cleanliness that sort of is the issue. This is mainly it. If they upgrade these apps to give people a chance more etc. I hope this will work there are so many girls with a master degree, none of them are in tech or smth. difficult. I don't know frankly what they've studied it's basically a hypocritical stance of some sort. As they don't really have any skill just grades etc. In tech this does not work, yet you can easily manage the b.s that I am seeing like. Wirtschaftsinformatik & other stuff is the very very easy route. I see 1-2 attractive girls in my classes from 100 people in IT etc. So I dunno some are in law, and these girls are just very alpha and don't really have character they just fuck some of them etc of course not, but what I generally see it's so much a request to be dominated and fucked. I can turn so toxic in this, somehow this also changed dramatically. I don't really comprehend anymore. Talked to a friend about online-dating this gives me a more realistic scenario of how it truely is. Also having girlfriends who do it it seriously helps me. Currently, I have never been so dejected and my best quality is seeing insights & trends if I have some success and spot it quickly I can implement it quickly, yet currently it's a serious issue to sell myself. As I have a lot of stage blue characteristics and interests also. I make another post later. This helped me to talk to my friend etc. etc.

So here I am in bed on my phone, I don't really know what to say all I notice is I am loosing more and more interest in life. I don't enjoy how little success I have with girls and other stuff, also through I don't enjoy reading anymore as this did not get me laid and the arduous process of improvement. I also don't enjoy my compassionate character anymore and how much girls like arrogance. I saw only one profile of a girl today where I thought thank you for pointing out the hypocracy. There are also so many superficial people with advanced degrees but none in tech & the few ones far out there again fully-fleged into their arrogance which clearly is a lack of character & a sign of insecurity, deeply repels me. I don't know what to think anymore my internal motivation is not there, as I have the issue of I only enjoy dating if I have a lot of options. If I don't and it's only a few I am grateful, yet not as deeply enthralled by being liked. I had so many internal pains also due to my mother sort of supporting me in interests that girls like strongly, yet from my pov she sucks at everything so that was a very bad inspiration besides sports. I apparently deleted my father not he me, as I was enraged by to much death and I could not handle the emotional apathy anymore and me having to "understand it" instead of creating some level of depth for the situation & doing smth. like asking me tool write a letter or speaking to other family members about the history of my other dead grandma. I don't have any grandparents anymore. All I saw was my family crying digesting somehow quickly while I and my mother had to endure the most damage. My aunt is also a huge asshole in a sense and steadily providing understanding from me while they have 0 ability to do this is one of the most hypocritical shits I have seen recently. I also frankly fking hate every culture in the world currently and hookah culture etc. I dislike how hideous my aunt is about her promises to me and then other stuff and possible denial. I also don't enjoy it that others only enjoy it when I am happy and the steady questioning and toxicity I received subtley from friends and gaslighting. Such as what is wrong when nothing is wrong etc. Type of questions, denial of caring about racism and topics that concerned this. Dumb autistic comments that stem from pure hatred and ignorance. I also believe in my life I will never date a black girl not once. I don't enjoy it, I don't enjoy the beauty of it also & it reminds me to much food my American family and peer pressure & competition. I am also just not biologically attracted to them & received and saw so much racism and bigotry I don't want to have to do anything with them, I feel stupid around some of them regardless of color of skin it's simply is when there is this helplessness attitude I feel very stupid this goes for everyone, yet is especially amplified with black girls. I am still open-minded & I would date black girls, yet if there are to many notions of the above being evoked in me I will not do it. Also due to being an envious 4 and not many guys liking black girls there is no collective incentive neither an envious drive to say oh fuck I want that but I don't have it. When I am around black men etc. who like black girls this changes instantly. Post 1

Feeling weird about current things one of my best friends currently get's laid a lot he does not live nearby, he was also fat and he lost a lot of fat and became quiet attractive and he talked to me about the "beauty priviledge" a bit today in a vm. I frankly have never seen so many attractive girls in apps and the last couple of boosts (I get a free one weekly, as I bought a lifetime subscription) does not help me anymore somehow, I've always recevied compliments even in online-dating apps from strangers (once etc.) how attractive I am, and at work for example when I started two girls walked to my place curious who is the new good-looking guy working here, yet somehow my online-dating does not work, I feel as though I have it extra though and I don't know why his stuff is working the pictures are more natural and he's 20-30% bigger in frame and arms etc. His smile is also insanly infectious. I did get matches etc, yet I evoke to many nice guy notions of some sort, and not girls wants this also the entire dating pool and landscape as changed to techno & dress style girls and wow, I somehow get none of it. even though that'd be perfect for me. I hope the new shooting & clothes will do the trick otherwise I am lost, as I don't know what I could be working on. Also the second girl talked about marriage, apparently guys via this app even propose marriage... dating nowadays has become an absolute problem. If you're not in the 10% I dunno I have better career prospects than my friend. It just seems software engineering & IT does not seem to be very attractive? He's a teacher in chemistry & sports this is super good in terms of evoking connection & trust and sexyness notions etc. As well as being and having social skills. For me currently, it's been I really don't know anymore what is happening and this all cost me so much fking energy, I find this all currently so unappreciative girls only care about your posessions partially and what you have even with pictures rated 9,0 - 7,2 from the same pool, the more you show status & social proof the better your dating profile. Sometimes I really hate human biology. But it is what it is. I am very unhappy about my dating situation even when I invested and tested a lot. To more cleaner information. The more status and fame you have the easier it is. Take a suit go to a boat and a mansion take a photo near a super nice car and wear glasses and jewlery and you get laid. I dunno. I am not very happy about all of this etc. Makes me think extremely negative about girls generally speaking and the averag judgement I see from hoardes of girls in group. It's not very enjoyable and frankly I don't comprehend it anymore. Online-Dating turned even more superfifical etc. Also my life style is severly limited so I dunno, I am not happy and some girls are just not in any leauge etc. Where I would touch & date them & I am lowering standards etc. Character is also the biggest lie in history and does not get you laid, maybe personality yet that takes a lot of energy etc. I dunno I am not happy about it and barely anyone goes out. Also German girls seem to like more ethnic guys etc. They don't care that I am American and I can get some extremely hateful notions if they girl is not very high green & not biased I dunno. I am also so tired of the shallow type of American Rap song liking. I dunno what mindset I should adopt. This song helps me at least to get rid of any notions of b.s at least something I can enjoy as rap etc. I dunno not all to happy even if things get better. The irony is some OnlyFans girls I have seen have more character than hoes from online-dating. Truth ????? Absolute Truth. I still frankly have to say OnlyFans girls have more class than what I see in my Online-Dating apps, even by character some at least I dunno what to think anymore about dating. It's not fun. Although all my dates have been good and okay, it's simply not fun anymore. I can't properly build my body,

Post got lost: Gratitude Journal: I am grateful for finding a bit more clarity after sleeping I am grateful values are not forced on me where I feel I'll be burning out I am grateful that I notice the little things more I am grateful that I am working at the new company I am grateful that other humans and people can like me and love me The are other things which are difficult to speak about, especially the issue of perfection & that imperfection is perfection and beign talking to my mother who is an extrem black & white thinker. Otherwise, the best thing is to enjoy things a little more slower. Save money Don't trip when I am not tripping on longer success streaks Other things, do them 1 by 1. I am still hurt by a lot of what happend with actualized.org & my friend and the lies of them. I don't enjoy hiding these feelings, and it corrupted the spiritual process by the act of mockery & ignorence and arrogance. The biggest thing that can get to me is dating I spoke to a coaching programm yesterday, yet it's way to expensive. The energy all of this costs is immense and I still will take new pictures & buy new clothes with the money and save the rest, I don't really need more.... I legit thought about buying an OnlyFans of one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen to simply enjoy even exploring my sexual fantasies after reading one book. As it's definitely cheaper than buying porn, going out even & online-dating services. At least till now. I dunno I thought a message of someone like this, who I enjoy her personality is better than my current online-dating success & all the comments I received etc. Somehow it's all a little to weird and all are into raves & techno etc & nature. A good friend wants to visit to go party that is very good, as his stuff works, and generally speaking there will be more opportunities. I feel very dejected even the last girl was great, yet her music taste did not get my demi side of things going, it was the type of music I enjoyed the least & even in that area the subsector I can't enjoy. I don't feel it etc.

By far the most revealing aspects of my trip, I notice mostly how I keep scamming myself & also how bad I've felt also honestly speaking how much Leo hided the fact that he was not meditating, as he was one of the most integrous people, I've meet yet even then I see how I am scammed myself, by not doing & as well as sort of searching for a scapegoat, yet I don't deny that this had an effect on me, especially considering psychdelics & just physical health. My heart on & after LSD definitely needs a little break and a more rougher and smoother breathing, running usually get me from of kinks in my breath that would cause the heaviest egoic reactions. This is also one of the best episodes, I also had some I don't know if it was last time & or this time, conscious coincidence & I wonder how it must have been for Leo & getting girls, just considering the guy & his family & health. I was so happy to hear in this episode that is brother is a "die hard" coder & that he was scammed in Texas in a start-up company. Mostly the fact that he's a coder & that sort of all of this love & passion for beauty & creativity also went into the same field. I just contemplated Baldur's Gate 3 & my dating life and I see mostly how I am not very good at getting people at my dinner table... & generally speaking about the long and ardous process of buying a house, becoming richer & skimming some books, how often it depends more on faith & creating good opportunities out of taking action that is pragmatic & very principled. I thought about my life & my physically injury and made some internal resolutions to my health & fitness mostly. It has been bothering me that when I go running etc. & I go back an I am alone in my bed... that when I breath I can't even do a full breath to fully feel my body without feelings my bones & some tension due to the scar. I often wish I would have had the opportunity to have fully functional health to test my limits, physicall & mentally, yet I was not born that fortunate. I generally thought about all of my psychological drama & how well it generally felt to connect to people & my psychotherapist as humans & friends who wanted good for me, yet I was in such a frenzy, I don't know why I became so cynnical about myself & life. I had so much fear getting into a tech company & now I am in the company due to the sort of "rule & principled-based" attitude my family had, yet they have nothing to show for it, beside their human lives.... I seriously considered some scenarios & some are sort of bitter&sweet and it certainly involves beign more creative and well-spirited, especially looking & work current trends of development, commericals, jobs, opportunities & side-hustles in that sense. I have a fantastic gift sent to me in multiple areas & at best I don't spoil it. I have such awesome opportunities, yet I don't know why I let them slide, I never had the opportunity to celebrate bigger wins with other friends in my life, I've always had been forced mostly to celebrate my journey, that at times I hate it and don't like it.... I miss the treadmill so much running for 1h & just meditating and contemplating and getting into the feeling of deeper merit & work while just seeing nature & beauty as well as the effects of active meditation, how I developed skill and depth in an expertise & how much sort of envy & hatred goes into my internally by failing & failure. To see this as a learning jouney, I've often thought about reviewing and reflecting & I've did so much to change behaviour inside-out, that I don't know anymore who or what I was. Now seeing more how the world is, it's still a very great scenario that I am in, even if I am not perfect I could work on a craft and build it further. I just personally choose to invest into education, yet what never worked out for me was my love life & how much I had issue with this since I was a teenager. I thought about so many ends & I was glad a girl still wants to meet up with me next month and after watching the episode above, Leo reminded me a lot about integrity & how the girl I've slept with had a deep sense of integrity I was simply missing, by realizing how much young people do actually work for their dreams, and how sweet it was that she made time for me, and I messed up where I'd meet her, and she waited 15-30 minutes, and she was just waiting outside beautifully, it was somewhat of like a miracle. I could have not imagined the scenario more perfectly. With a book in her hand, how I was and felt that age just young and innocent and eager to learn and build with my mind & psyche and experiencing the world and all of it's inhabitants. I gave culture in a sense so much trust when I was young to head into all of these cultural benefits I have with studying at a university etc. Still when I think about my life I am so unhappy where I am at simply, because of marketing & self-hatred as well as hatred against a.i, then the though reality of a.i, then it's future building blocks and the new age hippy ranting sort of. I sort of felt like no one belives what I am seeing and interacting with my own eyes. There are other moves that I am making & I hope they could possibly also take me over and I could work there fulltime..., yet for now I don't really know I can save roughly about in a pitch-perfect scenario 12k in 1 year that is enough money to do stuff, more realistically, if I am really that strict 2-3k are gone, & there is still pure man power & the labour force! I miss just grocery shopping & I generally would like to see other clowns at times, then europeans... I thought about moving to Switzerland after seeing this. This is it for me & from me for now, I'll be talkin later to my mother and do my best to be more integrous again, all of these heavy hits certainly left their blow on me mostly in terms of giving up & long-term creation. I'll hopefully post tomorrow or today once more.

I'll get my hands on some 1D-LSD as it's legal it's practically already here , yet I am curious as to if anyone of you already gave the psychedelic a shot? How was it & what did you learn?

Might do a small trip & go for a breakthrough personal type of meditation, I've been through some deep soul searching and I really crave to interact with real humans in real houses doing real things. Be it e-commerce, playing the paino etc. Otherwise I'll organize some stuff and just might make a new final plan & goal, age & pain have been one of the most crippling factors. I'd also have to see what I can do within the company and we will network next week.... I somehow would prefer to do something more human related, where I can get laid & enjoy adventure more, I don't enjoy this bookish introverted study life, yet I enjoy the online-world balancing this has been one of the most difficult things. I'll take the tab & I might stream just to see if I'd get banned etc. I will not promote it etc. It's currently legal & I'd wonder if people would realize it. It's also a new experiences which can deepen the trip etc. I'd also like to get some insights into the sexual shadow of me and how to express this. I have not been nuturing my intuition till I listend to deepak chopra I feel so at home listening to him, after seeing sort of the character & spirit of certain places etc. More meta etc. Going to do the lowest dose of a trip ever. https://integrallife.com/toward-an-integral-meta-psychotherapy/# If been missing span & intuition. Took the tab, 150mcg - 1D-LSD & going to chill and contemplate more chill in this state. If I get some decent depth I might go for a meditation, yet I know I can generate this just by doing a consistent 1h practice I get a lot of depth and edge. This is mostly the icying on the cake, yet sometimes you eat just the icying. Practical holism is quiet difficult to come by, I miss healthy friends from strong green families who've might made 1 or 2 leaps. Currently there is still to much orange, I'd like to either be a better orange or to move to a higher green place. For more space for true development etc. I could make a list of what internally and externally motivates me currently. Just doing a purchasing list currently is a huge motivator.

No idea, what the pro player can provide for tips generally speaking, they both seemed very orange in nature and optimization oriented, so I dunno if what they talk about is something I could possibly know & do myself which I partially already did & could buy on Udemy. I am way to honest & real when I get opportunities like this, let's see.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CuVxgs8r3WB/?igshid=YTUzYTFiZDMwYg== These gym memes are so good that I am seeing recently, overall Instagram is quiet the chill plattform imo.

Multiple issues & angles. Definitely a style upgrade would be good, also another intuitive connection, not going to mention this. Otherwise I have to change my clothing & image, that way I don't like the professional stage blue dressing. Ideally I'll look into some fashion & even apply for the modeling thing the career guy recommended me. Sports wise it's going to be tricky to get into the masculine, stretching overall could be a goal, I could record here. A lot of current perceptions of mine are quiet accurate. I focused also on minimizing and optimizing a lot, there are something's I'd still optimize, yet for now I am glad & happy if I go out & buy or eat food once a week & otherwise cook etc. I still struggle with commiting to harder courses as I tend to not recall patterns as deeply & I don't see the sense of it & don't enjoy the libertarian arrogance of many engineers. If German engineering continuous & the eu grows larger america might have a bigger competitor which is good. If all goes well I do a course via the company within the area of A.I. I also feel a bit better as I do have to connect with many on a green level. It's odd what people expect as well as how engineers treat each other, especially older ones I'd like to change it for the better. High emotional self-control would be awesome if their neurons would have 2-3 tads more mindfulness. Otherwise a more well-rounded attitude towards technology itself would be good. I don't have that much joy in the practical @ times if engineers continue to be that dumb & low socially skilled I either become their manager & eventually po or consulting. I am not letting myself be insulted in that manner. Otherwise all A.I engineers more have been good, yet the arrogant gen-y with their inability to see how damaging their memes are. I've seen pretty good ones recently & non-judgemental. Also while nuturing my self-expression again, I can dive deeper into tech things. I'll be very very careful with orange. With a bit more integrity I'll easily lead greens, older greens can be an issue due to respect, that should go fast with me though. I am not a disrespectful person. Tomorrow I meet an online-dating coach & I see what I can do there the course I did, was good, it's mostly pictures. Hm.... I also had a deeper desire to get into real skill development & some stretching 30 mins a day can be good for me for squats and deeper meditation sits. I can stomach the tech crunch that way better. & I prefer to life from deeper intuitions. It's odd to say I don't really consciously think mostly the architecture & patterns of connection come to me. Having deep conscious & skill is good, my heart was also hurting after doing LSD & 2-3 days later working out. Same happened before a couple of weeks ago I'd be advised to slow done after tripping. Otherwise, there is one thing I'd like to implement & that is a kindle & tablet generally. I don't find much joy in reading that much it evokes a lot of arrogance and fear. With more truer friends I feel I can read more again, I don't like it not to share. Let's see... Also I noticed cleaning my Appartement & a la Peterson making my bed. I get burn out & depressions partially from to much order, as my head consistently manages time. It's intense at times. I could build a truly masculine life style based on consciousness & I'd personally also say a aesthetically pleasing girl works like nature it's an opening to consciousness. Human emotions are a bit different. What I'd certainly like to see is me being smart with money. I should listen to real people in the field where I feel fuck yes intuition & not skeptical knausery. That somehow never worked. Otherwise I am glad more men communities pick on Tate & Peterson. I definitely also have to see to get rid of German cultural Nazis in a 5w4 aristocrat spectrum most disgusting shit, evokes very very disgusting notions of sexual play. I don't know what 5 has been proofing when 4 already did not give a damn. Risk-Aversion missing totally. Random shit. I am out.

Did 30 minutes of this on stream: Talked about my process as a feedback mechanism. I notice setting intentions is best, the guy was also for real he sent me the discord of an ex lol pro player and I am chatting with him. I also thought about how important it is to not reveal anything and the luminosity type energy I've felt so badly & the gaslighting type of darkness and inabillity to be neutral pure neutrality. That is about it. I also felt hurt that the forum has corrupted the process of awakening with it's immature attitude immensely, it's the same type of subtle derogatory thinking, acting & doing I see at work when group-think of "white people" kicks-in, this is not neutralized. I am also a bit to advanced they have at times a very regressive perspective, which makes me subconsciously doubt myself without having any reason to. That is why hopeful perfectionists in themselves can be good, felt a very strong impetus to be conscious as a human and get dates that way, and to get into the depth of consciouness.

Applied for my seminars, generally working on stuff, I feel better about consciously planning, I don't enjoy my current dating options, yet I notice the gain in confidence, I don't know if it based on culture etc, yet if I legitamtely earned money I feel way better about myself, especially if it's something where I have more love in & I am legit get paid to gain experience. Let's hope for the best I am restricting the domain as much as possible, the company even offer udemy courses, so it's not that much of a difference, they changed some stuff and gave it more credit points, so I dunno I have to recalculate as this would give me an extra course, thanks to the NLP boost, it's most likely one of the first tech that is massively applied. Then cameras, yet who knows. Maybe robots are there first in terms of fully automated stuff. I could learn to appreciate the love for technology deeper. Anything else? I'll meditate most likely on stream at the end of it. I thought about soft tripping today, I also had fun for the first time cooking, as I did not feel like an unhealthy idiot spending money on food just to fit into the group. I have to be careful at times I am not the type of person who keeps his mouth shut, especially in uhealthy power balances. The head engineer also was a bit to much into fantasy land of ray ray power king, generally the hierachy of flat hierachy is being taken so fking serious, that I automatically implement a holism and 9w1 girl really likes it, there are so many oddities in perception. Also very fking good opportunities, when I act smart and smarter than smart, yet I don't think I can work 60h a week, my yearly goals I can almost do them from anew again, I don't know how people can have consistent goals. I have to tweak them again. I prefer process goals usually, also orange is still a very strong force, yet basically not many leaders are orange till now this is what baffled me, only the people who take pride to their work are stuck in the orange slavery of existence, I dunno. Also feels good to meet someone from russia again, who is not as biased & just human, also feels good to have a PO, who has healthy yin quality, I often bring more yang presence then I thought, the issue is green gaslighting and group-thinking and generally you'd have to have an INFP or ENFJ as leader etc. To deal with this juvenile green arrogance and naivty the level of yin energy in legit as slavery and feudalist ... legit... & classit perceptions that might have worked in the 80's even 90's yet not in 2020's... also the level of "integrity" is questionable from all sides at times. I ask people a lot of stuff, a lot & there is no true clarity. Some overdo this & enslave others with this sh*t. I am glad I found two people I resonate well within the projects in theory all, I just will not react well to certain games, if you're interested in asking me about reality & we are intern and cool, you'd witness some very very open lines, I don't have the energy for this level of creativity, also and development of depth. I'll be streaming now, one of my friends will most likely have one of his first threesomes, and the dude just organically get's stuff & he likes all of this german sterotypical stuff where I give him a bored look, yet going out with him at times I don't comprehend. Yet, if you can afford to be so sloppy & I at times don't have the energy and or principle to persuade and convince people. This is mostly it. Let's hope for the best, I'd need to do some calculations again for how many semesters it's going to take. What robs me the most energy is cooking, buying groecery, not having anything joyous to look out for (beer with a friend, deep talk with a friend, getting laid, retreats etc.) I miss giving others depth of consciouness by energy, yet that is also a tricky karmic business. Otherwise I have to see the newer new friends are more like me the issue can be freedom as a value going to hard in that paint in that area is counter-productive to freedom, definitely more networking proper working. I also dunno I'd be curious if my friend who just does this naturally get's more online-dates & lays or the friend I meet from game. Yet, he clearly has better game, I have never seen someone so fearless & fast in social situations, that's surreal, yet all eyes on me afterwards, as I am usually the cool Begleiter, but yo these projections are unreal at times. It would have been better to learn spanish also and not french generally speaking. I'll be streaming now tomorrow working & scheduling I'll meditate on stream eventually post here & do shadow work by typing again mostly. The breathing is very good, yet I get into some modes where I am to much into ..... I don't like to go there, as I'd not know what I'd be doing & this place feels fking violent & murderous, if I had to describe the energy and depth of that feeling. Also this childish engineer mockery, I'll end this & if I have to innoculate a nerf gun with tranquliziers I do it, just you shut up about wounding shame type inner child. To make fun of others skill unskillfully is one of the worst traits you can have. Emotions are pretty real, yet also moderation is good.

Also, I don't know if this is real the one follower of my stream said he's friends with a big streamer & he's legit a pro player of my favorite game in brasil this is so random, for a very big org. I can't believe this, I wondered why brazil was haunting me in chess with 2 moves to check mate I legit developed an anxiety playing against people from brasil. Somehow this stopped, yet this is the weirdest synchronicity I don't know if he's fake, yet he sent me the discord of the famous person. It's odd, I've always dealt better with people who have real status, yet I also at best have it, sometimes I can be to much of a wuss. Also many of this cultural projections that don't really fit and it's all based on IQ and intelligence either positve and or negative it's a bit of an issue and progressive, veganism is not progressive in my pov & I generally connect with more common sense people who value intuition, the current issue is their authority as I question this immensely. I deleted both of my journals and could have sent my twitch stream with 140k mostly "organically generated", just to chill & hang with people as I lacked social connections, dude I am such a perfectionist I tried to synchronize the heart rate with my fps in video games. It's ridiculous playing with consciouness in that sense & deep physical training & skill ingame. I am still a newb mostly. I often miss some basic fundamentals I fixed this also, mostly yet it legit is an odd perspective of efficiency.

Dude I am confused. I am done now with the work students thingy for the amount of hours I'd work on this, yet I could create so much freaking goodness, yet I have to see and befriend the people to get smth. started otherwise, I am not learning, I can legit now do what I yearned to do build deep skill & build deep connections. But gosh you'd not believe the "sterotypical & flat out ray ray type of energies" like omfg & projections as soon as a "classic" white knight sort of is there and projects etc. Also these projections certainly left their mark regardless if I am aware of them or not, there is resistance & a lack of wisdom in dealing with them. I notice also more how I can create the better life I yearned for. The biggest issue I am facing is efficiency & not overworking myself, and social skills, there are some hinderance. Conscious communication is easy, yet non conditioned interactions are by far the hardest thing to do being playful & organic is not easy, especially in a work enviroment with expectations. I thought multiple things & why I'd generally prefer working with open-minded people who have an incling of consciouness to them, and are not power hungry enslavers. That is very evident, also girls automatically create this way a way way more holistic organisational structure. Let's see how well I can work inside out, I am not going to mention what I could mention, as it does not fully apply, yet I'd have to see. I know why authorities are damaging generally speaking & the difficulty of manging organically is immense, I automatically refert to a lot of stage orange & red power drops to negate subtle racism & sterotypical projections out of ape curiosity and worldviews. I don't respect it. Many of gen-y don't respect this imo gen-z can have even dumber projections like, all black guys get girls & are sexually more potent etc. This was a mockery in gen-y mostly and taken as a "gaslighting joke", I am way to serious with this shit also. I can tolerate some of it, it's easier when another black person is there with this humour should it occure, as I can just make fun of the b.s & laugh at the truths & non-truths of it.

Back from the gym, I thought about also mentioning coincidences in a brief way more categorically. Medicore-Huge Synch -> American-Filipino in Germany as trainer, also has injury gave me a contact and info where I could lift better, generally made me stay in the gym, as it can get to rough at certain times. Meditating at one point. Going to chill meditate & then work & stream at the end of the day. Beign more in purpose is good, the plan is quite rough, so it definitely pays off, anway. Learning from this podcast. Don't really know what info to extract: Fundamentally red pillers are bitter white knights in their own way & Jordan Peterson dating advice is like getting dating advice from a powerlifter Girls crave a guy who listens? Idk, I've burnt out listening to people. What can I say to that? More face-time simply and more casual & conscious communication and networking is simply the best thing, and also the non-excitatory type of convos like american style more organic.

Meeting a trainer for the 4th time this year to work on my gym sessions, the not so conscious enviroment does not make it easy to get into the heights of a workout and sustain it, it's a different kind of unconsciouness than from my hometown, my hometown is more consciously sensationalist seeking and generally had more trained chill & succesful people, yet the gym felt very narrow and small in contrast to this one. It's more of a mediocore spacious unconsciousness, weird to say. I'll drink a coffee and then head out, today is the last day to apply for seminars, talked to the only conscious game dude I ever found, the new video could be to try-hard, yet I did this effortless my other friend also does not know they all are more intune with not feeling ashamed to participate in this culture, while many nerds are very reluctant and arrogant, it has no use in this space. It's not open-minded also & the nuance of taking these pictures is already part of the art of photography -> & better skill. Gratitude Journal: I am thankful for feeling more relaxed I am thankful for the new matches and generally the last week a super attractive girl & two blonde girls liking me, I am generally thankful for blonde people I've recently meet in my life they have been the most non-judgemental & fun people to talk to I am thankful that liberal delusional and arrogant immature people stay away from me who are acting classist and are enacting a regressive version of blue & us v.s them mentality, many girls are unable to stay neutral nowadays and mostly the unpoltical ones can pull it off, I am grateful for any neutral person cognitively from yellow. I am grateful for streaming baldur's gate someone wants to hook me up apprently with a well-known streamer for whatever reason I am thankful for even if I am not the greatest at it yet to follow through and be popular and converse with all kinds of people I'll meditate later 20 min's I meet the trainer. 14:30 Sprint

Tomorrow gym talk, let's hope for the best people are going to annoy me with compliments, and act of personality & character. In the near future, overall I prefer a chill character no matter the depth consistent conflict just prevents depth and consistent stimulation also it's not organic. Dry thingy, Pad, Clothes & accessories, shooting. Otherwise I don't really need more. Put in good work & don't befriend the childish office... it's not my forte to deal with children, I am glad when I can express my inner child and don't shock people with exhuberant energy and penetration of depth. I also need the right kind of people, we don't have an 8 in the office... 5w4, 4w5 or 1w9, no 9w1... I yapped about this so long, yet I have one in my team which is so good & she also has a cold energy type which is so good omg, possibly also 1w9 with 6w7 influence or 6w7. My boss is 9w1 infp. There is a 8w9 esfj a 6w5 infj... isXX & other stuff. Character design by Alexandria. Human culture has never been so boring I lost all interest to it it's so often the same I. Different colors, some originality is cool & key though.

I dunno what is up with girls at times, yet astrophysics is new to me, the one day I am more on my purpose the dating apps in the last second gave me some result. The irony of not yearning, desering & wanting results. Just pure coincidental abundance. I had to laugh for the first time, at someones profile. Would you rather bring back slavery or suck gorilla dick all day, like what kind of questions is that? Bring back slavery . I'll be streaming some baldur's gate 3 I've never felt so good, for a longtime and the level of grounded stabillity by not having things broken & I can work on my shadows in this security amazing... tomorrow is a bit stressful, yet it's fine stress can be positive!

Texting again from work, yet this time from my pc I worked late to read the current paper that I am reading, I'll hope to get started today was very good, a proper deepr refelction did not occure as much, I notice often the more submissive body-language of mine due to the hierachical 6'ish nature even when I am above others and the subtle shaming of black ppl, as they seriously evoke some mechanics that evoke status, authority & power just organically.

22 min session: Good contraction other stuff in background a lot of beauty stuff and hatred & mechanics in that sense. Group think and the average none higher consciousness dogma that you can find with arrogant & regressive green & delusional orange At work in my break ~ No holism like in China collectively this felt and acted more like turquoise & yellow

Posting briefly before heading into the office, currently the girls on dating apps and how ingrateful many of them creater their profile just overall creates the issue of hatred. Many suddenly turned "mindfulness" as a trait they want, I don't know why I've been practicing this & doing retreats for years, 98% don't have any idea they equate it with wellness and serotonin, yet don't know this. I'll do a gratitude journal and meditate at the company they have a space for this: I am grateful I am not an ingrateful brat who is just angry and demands and never accomplished anything on her own I am grateful that I've worked myself out of various cirumstances where others would have quit I am thankful & grateful for new guy & girlfriends a like and the chinese girl especially and chinese girls especially for beign extremely open-minded I am thankful I don't consciously evoke race by any possible idea & don't hide the fact or idea of it, I am thankful I react less and less to the stupidity of humanity I am thankful I meet humans face to face and enjoy the realness of it all I am thankful that the company I am working at has good spirit and that I don't engage with nagging unrealistic girls & arrogant inflated academic brats