ValiantSalvatore

Regardless to what happened, I clearly notice I am way more positive about my life and that matters to me more, I'll stream a bit... having a positive vision is way way more important, than anything else. Corona made people so subtely depressed and bitter at times, when you touch this space it's very odd. I really have to install this level of lust into me about life and love, also psychdelics won't do me good, if I am not peaking in life as well as doing extremely well and consistency here. Doing it once per year or twice is fine when things are not going so well, otherwise it's hogwash for growth. Also psychdelics and health, especially exercise don't mix to well. It does not work. It's better to trip once every 2-3 months and do exercises. Or commit to a retreat. I'll really will visualize my heart out to get these thing into a place, and especially also be a very good lover, this was one of my deepest dreams and impacts. In that sense loving the world & risk loosing everything! In a sense, I don't mean it literally.

I am a bit hyped about positive visualizations and worst comes to worst pepping my practice, if I have such an issue with boredom etc. & I don't live in a monastary etc. I can meditate also to trance music or whatever. It's better this way for me I don't enjoy long-draught out shit, it's so inefficient ... anyway that is a very different story. Some long stuff is very enjoyable, yet I have to be in the mood I am moody also. I am just human generally speaking so sorry. I'll report on my meditation Oh a shadow work sessions I love to do is people judging my actions omfg I hate this so much I forgot that I hate it. Like I lift my penis in my room, why do you care bro and judge me? Like for example I judge Leo for having two girlfriends? Subtley how hypocritical I don't know what still I did not like the boasting about it in writting in a video in contrast I would not care, I could legit procure more empathy generally speaking and be curious. Ask genuient questions, I lost this green strick when I meet sort of the rational ppl in academia...

Act from love, beauty = hate are like opposites as well as love & fear. Focus on love fk these apps if they are not working. Upgrade your life etc.

This is way better the normal shadow work get's me into depths where I would need a psychotherapist & I just learnt how to deal with the breath more & fear of breath due to using contraction techniques etc.

I feel a strong resurge deleting all of these apps, it's heavy what tech consumer culture & to much animalistic offline living can do to oneself & others. Celebrating real relationships just feels good! So yeah, I will see what my inner workforce does when I meditate 1h I remember Leo quoting 1h of meditation is worth more of 100 books, I was so tired about reading etc. Balance is one of my weaknesses & I know when that edge is prevalent, deleting Tinder & OkC has also been the best so far the most quality matches I have from Bumble by far & I can still plan and do stuff, and journal eventually get my little stream also started etc. Today I will also create a schedule for the week. I'll limit my coffee intake to 3 cups a day also subtle cold showers etc. Let's do this! Gratitude Journal: I am grateful that I can do work more out of awareness & consciouness and for the new match I never believed I would find such a compatible girl I am grateful for my friend dj beign real at times to me and giving me the most solid feedback in terms of authentic dating etc. I am grateful for everyone who supports me and is positive, I do my best work under a surge of positivity & love, and the deepst in enthusiasm surges I am grateful to journal again and take care of mental health that way and do shadow work to see real changes I am grateful to see the sun and that we have a lot of rain this summer, I still love the feeling & sound of rain so much I could forget the summer at times! I am grateful to have a fantastic career opportunity and finding stability by the virtue of stability not beign left or right. I am grateful to have gone out of apps to go out of the beauty bias and subtelties that are currently happening and connect with other souls Yeah this is it, for now without much success on these apps I don't use them there is no use, it's better to go out and eventually just have the courage to approach and be more social & invest energy that way, I did a couple of mistakes. 3-2-1 shadow work (5min version) It feels like there is a me that is hiding and making false promises to appear to an image and acts needy towards others I feel like there is a me that can turn pain into gold especially with the right people I feel like there is a deep conscious drive for conscious skill development & growth & vision with the right kind of practice and visualization So, here we go shadow work on my meditation practice, bro why have you been skipping life? What is up with you? You know you're getting older, & somethings move slower, yes but you also notice how much younger you feel when you meditate and life healthy you notice the damaged body and feel like shit. Oh yeah, well what are you showing me? You know your friend DJ & why he is so especially good with girls and people approach him, this guy always has a deep positive energy and is just hyped for the weekend you know why? As he sees life as a deep experience and learning journey & you? You crumble at times at the smallest and tiniest hits & crave video games and can't moderate yourself to fun. Yeah... I know I can be weak at times, yet why is he so strong?? You do better academically, yet he has a bigger emotional range it's so weird. What did mindfulness do to you, the point is you have the capabiltiy also to manage that depth, as you see it recognize it and nuture it like a plant, your bro is like a plant you water, all relationships are like a plant you water & each has a different purpose and function. Welll what is the gift here? The gift here is you are neglecting your real relationships in favour of digital dreams that are not there man, work on themes and get into the depth of life accept that things are & take skill listen to the right books & teachers, also notice how you subtely and energetically abused the good-hearted nature of Leo, yet this is also an issue with this here. I don't know why this pull is there, yet it's weird. I am the one who does not nuture his real relationships enough and ask how they are etc. I am the one who confuses digital relationships with real human relationships I am the one who has a deeper control of depth due to mindfulness skills & intuition let it guide you again! Make commitments to real friends. Verify things for you the biggest thing Leo is teaching me is the gift of life is me it's all me! Good hearted and well-spirited!! There is so much love see love everywhere set your intentions also!!

Why I dislike tech at times. Enslavement of people if done by people if not done out of freedom... etc. Meritocracy overblown. Virtue forced onto you.

Let's see what happens briefly saw this...

Let's finally wake up & be human omfg. My phone!! My life without dating apps omfg. Going into the russian coal mines again to come out with a bigger babushka nose & 10 grades of rounded backs and 20 ruby crystals.

Also told the Russian guy what is currently up with me, this online-dating stuff costs me to much energy to hire new people and it takes more time to build this "personal brand" almost & so much fakeness of orange and personafied bias. I enjoy holism & minimalism of any kind when I see it & subtle decadence... Why I like the red wine girl at Green+ if it's not a regressive blue classfigther... I dunno I hope through these investments my academics also get better multiple signs for this are there also. Now it's about enduring hard times and making life easier... Drying machine!!! Yes, you'll exist now!!! Also still saving money & caring about mental health & investing in quality things. Life is so fast nowadays & panic can be real.

Anyway I really crave stronger social bonds. I might have found one finally...

I wish I would have deleted these apps earlier *sigh*.... I badly also wish to have a bathtub again... still leaving one app in the background that gave me the most normal social contacts. I live way healthier the mental tax of dating apps and their effects, also other stuff of lazy fat & green decadence and softness culture is not good. Softness & arrogance don't mix well. Compassion is definitely harder than softness though... empathy and compassion is a killer combo & positivity, also self-care these topics somehow went missing.

It's very rare and I find it unholistic to not criticize someone for their lifestyle and persona, if we all would life in a rational dream land, that would be great. So much goes hiding if we would all be so rational and fair, it's like forgetting history and saying nah, that never happened that is not logical. In theory it sounds great to gather facts and data and arguments and be truthful, yet even that creation can be false and riddled with lies and smeared with data being abused and falsified. That for me is the bigger issue of the U.S to much "pop-science" real science and that truth is also an issue, people derive also to different conclusions based on different arguments and data for example black crime, not being systemic. Tbh for me it's more important not that arguments are being made, yet seeing and having meta-systemic causations and not blaming a single factor analysis and evaluations like this, this foster this kind of big picture thinking is better than to reductionsitcally focus on a single truth, so much goes missing searching for a True root cause & solution even if there is one. Just stating, facts & data when I see some rationalists they often get debunked by better scientists etc. The U.S has a good way of hiding their systemic impact imo & being in denial about this. I dislike super rational truth seeker's it often turns toxic. Interpreting data & seeing trends is a more important skill imo, than stating facts and arguments if data is continuously messed with & multi-systemic thinking. We are just very lazy as humans imo. Going to good experts etc. is fine imo. This is why I like very good moderates for example very nuanced and more big picture viewpoints. Then to even be that change and do smith. about it the level of subtle gaslighting is real. AOC is a great example of what the result of any kind of education can look like, also Hilary Clinton even if there are small scandals that people even appeal to Trump in the U.S just shows you in a sense how power hungry the U.S is this is not truth, imo. Also, with the amount of data smearing and think-tanks and corrupt science it's obvious that good-hearted people can become outraged. When I see the so called "rational claims" about black ppl, especially many get ill, my professor's would turn in their graves not looking at true alternative data, yet how much time & effort that takes to make these distinctions yeah many turn into meritocracy based lunatics & the good ones continue to do good & more good. It would be better to have better data interpretators first of & then multi-systemic causation oriented thinking, paired with nuance and room for error & a culture of empathy. I still think what you say is correct, yet for me that would be more a value of respect & intellectual honesty, people definitely should be allowed to be criticized, also psychologically. Just Personal attacks out of nowhere for clicks and excitement this has been a general issue. To sort of gaslite people openly and shame them publically etc. I dunno. This is also why podcasts I presume also are so trendy, there is more intellectual honesty often huberman lab & lex Friedman etc. I've never seen pure rationality work and be happy & satisfied. Like questioning the believes of others is important, is that an argument?

Sitting here in bed awake pretty early... also due to to much coffee. I notice also the effect not having dating apps has on me I am more there for my real life and not the digital life.

The book of secrets & spontaneous fullfilment of desire are also the best audiobooks and one of the few and only I can hear. All in all I'd say doing this and working & investing in the smaller ends. I tend to forget at times people who can stomach my problems seriously want to help me at times though the reality is so fking harsh, I dunno if J want this or if this is just the learning step. All in all. I'd say. This book keeps me sane as it normalizes not having perfect clarity & not going crazy then. Accept the hellp from people who want to help and get rid of the toxic energies I'd also need a plant against spiders there are to many here. Let's see... investing in new people costs so much energy... & then they are gone etc. It's a deep issue with intuition at times I can't isolate myself that much & I hate it that I am the type of person who answers his own damn questions himself without noticing it's painful at times. I really love it when it does not happen like this & recently I just get more good help etc. I had to start from fking 0 again. My science was so bad etc... There was also serious family issue at this time of not connecting anymore with my mother when I was 11 or so on took the science class with 5h per week about biology and cells etc. It was so myopic and tediohs I barely had any joy - my mother could then not bring up the joy and hence you land in business... Or maybe nowadays in c.s. I was passionate, yet not nutured in my passions.... Even with the lp course it does not have the effect it should have and I did everything. A lot of problems would also get solved if I just would get laid more frequently, yet it's a huge issue with modern culture & status if a new masculine frame won't work I dunno. Also newer clothing's and some style etc. Then continuing to nuture my social circle I could go out with my last date also.... It's generally better, yet yeah... Spiritually in a sense is also calling etc. She low-key invited me which is just good to have open-minded people as friends, yet it's also on a level a huge responsibility. Also definitely HC girl in contrast to what you find half Italian & German again... Oh no quarter this time! Seems to work somehow. That is a synchronicity. What ducks me up is not having the deep skill to clown the professors with psychedelics that'd for me personally be the dream. I love sort of conscious teasing it's so difficult also

Same goes for the company it's not that easy to generate the new strength with so much materialism and cravings for it. You think then you want it and end up empty instead of letting love & life flow a bit... I hope she will finally be it I am a huge face guy and her face is so beautiful it legit is an artwork. I'll also give me best then to do the relationship course by Keith Witt there will not be more conscious stuff by experience. But yeah, for now... enough simply this was so good already & my knee pain is also gone and soon I can buy some stuff again... Lord...

Been awake for like ever I talked to sort of the green gaming culture of Germany it's such a weird and depressive place sort of. It is so rare that someone values ones health. I noticed this while running ppl look at you weird by caring to be healthy. It was still fun I see this partially at uni...& work the irony is the ones who do sports and exercise or organise stuff like this are way more fullfiled and successful. Was interesting to see, although all in all I prefer the more mature life. Acting and working more from intuition & less coffee as an intention and theme of awareness if not wisdom is simply better. I hope I can honor my life this way I was subtley at times very stressed etc. To many hard things and to many demands etc. I will keep these limits on from now on. Yeah... I hope I can switch companies to a more conscious one... etc. Still it's nice to be surrended by high green without bias I can legit be myself

I made a mistake in my profile and messaging, yet the girl gave me her number as I was honest. This is good I really like direct girls, it's rare to meet this & not the loyalty thingy, also being able to see the beauty of imperfection I really did not want this etc. Certainly all my dates have had a different character than all the sort of oranges+ there is a very deep resonance on some level I really like it. Let's see been a while since a girl gave me her number. Last girl cursed against my dad & was labeled street dog by one of the mods. Was an eye-opener to see the dark feminine Energy unchanneled haunting me producing almost the same issue or rather worse. Also empathic girls, I've had this a couple of times as flirts. Very deep resonance as I can emotionally stimulate her better due to hypersensetivity etc. I get her empathy and amplify it back it's very good. This is the good stuff. Let's see how far the new intentions etc. Will carry me & running could've gone to sleep. Now going to be more wise irregardless how often I repeat it, also coffee can certainly be an issue. Also to set the intention to forgive Leo daily is good & better for me. Etc. I find it also at times not so easy when I subtley notice how many are against him & the guy is also extremely strong I presume cognitively. It's a bad sad to not see a psychedelic Wilber. I hope with her I can explore integral space and move closer to nature... ,yet I should not get my green self to much involved. I am also looking forward to running & hearing David deida again.

This was interesting to watch. Also how corrupt some of the more left-leaning types are and how difficult it is also seeing all the more true machinations behind the Epstein scandal. From serious media fans is insane, yet yeah was very good to see this etc. When I first learned of crypto I thought how does this even scale without criminals scaling it & why do people believe in it's value. Let's see I dunno cannabis growing will soon be legal, they should make the procedure of producing DMT legal & claim some research areas with this. The Eppstein stuff is still by far the most confusing shit I've witnessed Merkel going to Epstein's island. etc. Obama etc. Also how dirty the model industry is & can be. I've often had weird feelings about this, also due to power lusting & cocaine. It's so weird I've never done it. Yet I wonder at times why we are so power hungry. Just to enjoy more freedom? I don't quit get it at times, yet I won't deny it. I am pretty, sure my team currently is clean that is very very good. I've seen worse in the creative industry odd... contemplating this.

The Belt and Road Initiative isn't doing as well as you think. And you really need to look at China's foreign policy, there is a reason why South East Asian countries have China on the top of their list of most hated countries. https://thediplomat.com/2022/06/what-china-gets-wrong-about-southeast-asia/ I am obviously not saying everything China does is stupid and wrong, but the way the CCP currently works it is literally throwing the potential of the chinese people out the window, to a far, far greater degree than something like the US. China has incredible strategic potential, but the current regime and political environment is literally rotting the country from the core Also this, I've seen way more interest in south east asian and pacific partnerships for technology & innovation at the Hannovermesse this year, barely any interest in China. More Indonesia and Singapore, they all seemed to be more interested to go their for their electricity type projects and companies, also it seems to be very difficult to get these materials, for example... I know someone whose parents own a company in China and they need quality products from Germany to enhance their business, I don't know, yet they somehow can get this cheaper for electronics here, yet they need somebody willing to trade, as far as I understood basically good business guanxi... China seems pretty dead imo, otherwise there would not be such drastic measures. They would do better without their president. China like Russia has huge stage red&blue issues just character wise. Power justify all means to keep the peace. The irony is when you listen to the wisdom stemming from the wisdom of this country, they'd need to do the opposite of what they are doing. Same would go for Russia, in the sense of being the bigger man, and just seeing and realizing the west is just very stupid at times etc. A very deep basis of respect went missing imo at one point since bush, yet I am not that old and knowledgeable, I don't still quiet get the connection as why Russia & the U.S have been at each other's throat besides for technology arms races & power. Yet, what & why exactly was it a breaking point as well as for China hating the west. Is the irony not that it's their own fault due to very bad & corrupt leadership if you see Mao etc. & excess greed and deeply envious nature? Deng Xiao Ping was apparently better, yet I dunno how China started hating the west. It's sort of a delusional self-deception of some sort. I would understand if they hate the British people for the opium war or whatever happend at the summer palace and Japan. I dunno why Americans specifically are so "hated" by China.

I notice I care less and less about knowledge and understanding this is good connections are more important this is one of the biggest lessons I've learnt the last year.

There is also this scandal with houses and apartments collapsing due to poor building materials used, so called tofu-dreg projects. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/24/world/asia/china-gym-roof-collapse-qiqihar.html China is very good at fooling people imo, if there would not be a fear of the west that much it would not be that bad. I hope China does not become a global threat or is detained mostly by the power of the west. As well as other alternative scenarios. China is very weird, still I have never seen so much wholesome social interaction before COVID I dunno now. Still the place felt very godless at times.

On the phone did not text the girl yet.. I just deleted all apps, besides Bumble and yearn to go more into the real things with real people. Generally speaking what I did was still pretty hardcore & this can eventually continue. All in all going for this run & seeing the imperfection of perfection contemplating wisdom etc. Being more with spiritual people & new friends and opportunities. I might also be so real to ask the Russian guy about doing game consciously with me, he's the only guy I trust who could handle it. It also feels very good to some more of a standard art liberal influence of the Russian guy instead of the tech & status thing. There is a very real difference in maturity and I can see why some of them socially do extremely well. ~~~~~~ What is also cool, is these things and metrics help me ever since I've been regarded as gifted there are new issues & the JP stuff was also an issue to get into. As he was originally left. What is missing currently is stability I hope I can create this, now running certainly helped me I am not a very good runner & this is immensely challenging. Yet somehow I seek this out I feel more creative and rejuvenated afterwards. It's very different from the gym. Also running at night is great and I'll take more walks again. I had such a fear of people and humans when I was a teen I did not go outside at times from fear of being laughed at for some reason. Having clowny lips, big feet etc. My mother and father experienced also some serious racism it's at times triggering to see these power structures intact... I'll do some shadow work on this one also. What I can say is this. It helps me to stay on schedule I could turn down my expectations a little more and be more patient, loving and patient. I hope running, stretching intentions etc. Will teach me. So yeah. Journaling for now is my random intermittent reward and it has been the best so far, it really really helps me so much. Etc.

Went for the run, was very exhausting I gained 7kg of muscles and did not train all week. My heart health is a bit odd, yet this was good just to be outside & listening to audiobooks. I could not run much, yet more importantly the training and food intake changes helped immensely it's like I am almost back at my old issues and I feel the level of strength I've build, especially in my legs, due to different reasons I do have to train glutes more. Also I notice the better my cardiovascular health the better my psychdelic trips, I get more clarity certainly. I had some minor issues, like my skin randomly itching when I am outside and to much into nature, I somehow react at times weirdly & my scar ultimately hurting so much that I had to stop and get used to that pain, it's a huge mental overcoming it sound easy in theory, yet it takes a while my whole brain is overloaded with pain perception & beign hypersensetive and on to much caffeine does not help. I notice some slight pain though I dunno. Doc said it was fine, so I might trust him. He found something apparently new... and did not help me further I dunno fuck the system at times, seriously fuck it. He explained nothing of this to much and I talked so much. If I had a main issue it would be flexibility of some sort and to milden the impact of running, a treadmill also helps me running outside is so hard and I was never easy on my joints, as people applauded my health so much. I took pride in not caring and developing these habits etc. Then running in the gym in the winter are all great ideas. Especially running in the summer during this time is such an excellent place for contemplation and rejuvination. I am sorry about a lot of things, yet it takes so much energy to be a conscious creator. The point is the assholness of humans in general, yet the audiobooks etc. are already great. My knee does hurt a little, yet that must be normal as it has to get used to the impact a bit etc. It's odd to see how little strength training & hyertrophy training go together with endurance like 0, 0 absolutely 0 etc. I have to see, yet I certainly feel more mature doing this and it's better to keep fit this way, I ordered some Pizza to celebrate immdiately a little bit. Beign so healthy conscious has it's own issue let alone cooking & utillity, yet this will certainly remind me what my priorities are etc. Not much to say, I enjoy nature the most when jogging, let's see how fast I rebuild health in that sense. I won't be peaking, yet I overall will have a better experience of momentum & health & my life purpose. Building endurance has been one of the most challenging things I've did and I'd like to maintain it etc. This might also get me back on track with politics and proper care etc. & working also the insight from deepak chopra and to honors Leo's work I've had some subtle issues & it's been sort of an oddity mostly, yet it's also odd, especially now that I have a new russian friend and you see sort of the issue of the "classic" blueness & perfection then I hear deepak chopras idea of efficiency that everything just flows and it's a way higher wisdom to enact this momentum. Generally speaking, the nr.1 issue I have is the point about survival and how toxic isolated ppl become it's very obvious to someone who enjoys reading the enneagram, yet it's such odd wisdom to contemplate. Many people also often applaud only material success, running I notice also gives me more power to be on the edge without beign arrogant and toxic. Would love to talk with my friend about the whole chinese history thing, my teacher forbade this during chinese classes & this certainly made it difficult. I am glad I could run by and talk to him, when I go for a run etc. I also love actualized.org as a news channel. Generally speaking it's like Leo is the introverted version of my old friend Anh. He loves me is very bengin I am very loving to him, he goes extra miles for me as it somehow gives him energy (due to my scar & injury I have this energy somehow it's very difficult to be innocent and control it???) then he turns toxic, I turn a blind-eye to it, then I turn extra nice to him etc. Then we both burn-out due to life and intensity of interests. Then we both reflect and I both see the issue of the past. The point is he stopped changing, Leo did not, I did not...I am also so happy for him and I might have a to child-like spirit at times... I dunno it keeps me alive etc. It's not easy to be playful and keep boundaries as I could really made the guy laugh as nobody ever believed I could be toxic and more shadow stuff like this in the power area. Also if I would have had a more normal upbringing I would go to the army, just to see once what a real threat is and what humans did to keep peace in a sense. This run was fantastic also.... I barely ran, yet just beign outside and walking is fantastic... and hearing wisdom then combing back and integrating it. It's not easy to get any personal growth & character growth and be succesful without massively contemplating or beign involved with people. There is also a certain part of me that wants these two people to be proud of me, and there are others where I feel I would love to share pride with them, that pride also is love is one of the weirdest things I keep learning each day.

I hope the people win and not the president, it's generally awesome to have more educated worldviews. This type of manipulation is the worst of the worst comparing it to Hitler youth is appropriate. I'll ask my chinese friend about this, it's interesting to see these trends, it's a huge issue to have also a lot of lower SD types of systems enforced with technology & such. It's a horror scenario. A lot of people also hate China sometimes I forget why, when I meet people here, yet when I see this it makes me remember oh yeah, the crazyness of patrotism & all of this stuff. Would generally love to see a country that sort of prides itself a bit on wisdom acts more wisely, yet this is the reason why a certain level of decantalization is good, it's like denying the survival principle of variety. It's for me sad to see awesome people die by the power mania of dictators. This type of manipulation is also very scary, I notice this also with friends, the more open the country the more interactive, then I hear nothing and see stuff like this it's weird. I mean also the current generation besides gen alpha or how they are called, is also more aware of the corruption of China, it's still very different beign and tianamen square and beign told, these people woreship the state and treat the state as god. It's their existential & survival basis. (mostly older folk). I presume even through all the censorship, they must have failed to indoctrinate their people to trust their state, nobody is really innocent here. The issue is the power hungryness and the excesses of capitalism and not acting from a more holistic sort of capitalism, and not the hogwash shit of anarchy without any money trading tokens for tanks etc. Enacting wisdom as a leader would be very cool to see, I had such a different opinion of the president, yet it's insane what these people do to stay in power. Tbh I would be way to lazy and do my best with this power to get laid, I'd wonder if there is a statistic that shows how good a presidents sex life was the better the life for the people & country.

Going for the run now will report... & also text the girl...