ValiantSalvatore

Also healthy mornings etc..... the point is I was so "perfect" in the eyes of girls I could not believe it how they even thought I was fame due to my training etc. This happend once.... I dunno it still hurts tremendously, even to get advice from people who were not natural... etc... it's bothering at times....., especially if they are not logical.

I grew at times more character then I thought the issue is pop-culture and fully exploring the hedonism of youth, was something severely limited, that is still going on, so I dunno how to do this. It takes for me an extrem level of maturity to go about this. There are not many mature girls, most of them are in relationships with guys from healthy families with a lot of healthy support. I don't have that benefit....it's all my social circle & friends that is that attracting factor....

This is sort of what I did I was focused very hard on character till it was sort of taken by the habits that I could not do anymore. I also read the book and practiced this.

I think doing this will fix most stuff, I might ruined my whole life with this, yet I dunno how thick my skin has to grow in a sense, at times I truely hate humans... it all got better... it's best to simply forget my age also and stop looking at stuff that toxically effects myself etc. I do this this is the best kind of science insights I have and can have possibly. From what I've read.... it's important to let healthy normal people help me not people who need more help then me in some areas, I already lived a very high standards I don't think the normie conscious guy does comprehend what I was aiming for and what I did.

I also never noticed how thes time slots allocation work on my exellence drive.... I dunno it's the strongest drive in all areas of SD, I stopped properly analyzing it

I planned my entire week again, and will life in this type of lifestyle it's highly structured fun & intense many don't enjoy this they life differently, yet I will also again be highly, highly analytical & critical of myself, I will also go to some extrems in dating & get more into OnlyFans & PornType of girls, to get better with the "really hardcore" as my sex drive is usually high, it's simple curbed a bit due to having old & young people to much around me, and I don't have proper shutters, more like some cheap amazon stuff, I'll also see if I can creat e more clarity and keep it as a value, I do have to see currently and replace leadership currently, as I don't feel like leading atm. Many male friends appreciate this quality about me, that I plan and care! About the detail, does not mean I am good at it, yet I can care about it. Will go to some extrems also, and hopefully then chill out properly and just plan everything out and be strict, also with fun and write a proper take care list.... I did some very dumb stuff etc. I should not let myself get sort of objected, as I am a huge pervert actually, it's just an issue when I have these dominante people around me who can't stand this and are insecure about this, as I am more switch, I find this to be more intelligent also, it's like most good politicians I bet they are switch sexually, and not dominante, we're not living in the times of Dchingis Khan. So yeah, feels good to plan this fast and effectively then act out on it etc. ' Creating budgets etc. Saving money doing proper automation & skill development & going after work opportunities properly, that inner swine is basically, the apathy of neglecting the joy of on the edge working, hardcore testing & limit testing myself intelligently etc. Biggest hurdle will be bitchy girls, who go only for hardcore dominante type of guys, it will be interesting what I will do, I had other plans etc. Most guys who teach dating are true fucking assholes born from the abdomn of of a lineage of assholes who lived unhealthy, unclean and abused each other. I feel with proper planning and proper intelligence, I will be able to enact all of these deep intutive drives and keep the gaslighting and boundary thing in check and again work on proper development after this 90 day thing, I will do the next 90 day thing which will simply be relationships, often times most things work out for me when I have 3 things in place. Conscious living -> Exercise -> Healthy Relationships, Healthy Relationships Beign Nr1. It's Kind Of Excessive How Much I think about others, yet it gives me a lot of joy to see improvement and especially higher emotional impact. So, yeah I have to set this all up, it's a bit rough & on the edge as I can't do serious game, yet it keeps my mind of these dating apps & I get plenty of insights etc. My biggest childish type of behaviour is not engaging in the healthy adult & the healthy child, sexually for example in a sense of doing what I enjoy sexually so I can do my work and it get's better work done, being logical with others, so I get more space & time etc.

Also to sell myself that way, even if nobody even wants this, it's better to be authentic. Nr.1 things to work on: Keeping my word due to history Keeping father boy issue type people away as I worked on this sicne I was 12 or so Keep doing shadow work 1h meditations Eat energetic food & accept and love the drudgery more... to get into deeper abundance... Use social media a lot more Work close to burn out Be close to friends Don't drink more than 3-4 drinks maximally Create bigger social circles... look things up and create parties, even if I might not keep my word, people will be, more thankful, especially when I keep it then.

This is the point also about my meditations I change a lot I don't know who I am at times, I feel like I am 100% back due to seeing how self-inflicted all of this is.

The post about samskharas went lost, this is also the point most likely how I perceive sort of the scratchy humanness. I noticed this very early, when I meditate I loosen up sort of my rebirthing type karma, it's very odd, and I could dive more into this.

I could simply be hardcore again & leave the weak ppl out

I also will utterly not trust spiritual people who are not extremely open-minded, to beign wrong etc. and also PUA's claiming they are about non-techniques while they are using techniques and just flame and use subtle domination tactics, now that I have more status they are like cucks to me and it's TRUTH absolute TRUTH. I think it's also better that way and to not engage with these people I don't think they realize what opportunities they had and can't quit, the main point I am also doing with deception is not beign me, how I was me. Truely me, that means telling fuckboy to be fuckboy. & claiming my power in integrity etc

I think I also lost hope due to how mindfulness is treat, as a lifestyle and not for interest into pure consciouness when dating, also the constructive feedback and constructing, I often feel with people like Leo if you don't harras them it's similar to my friend Marcel who lived in Vegas, and you seriously threaten their ego, they don't reflect on their behaviour, mindfulness is so "out" of culture, especially in Europe everyone does Yoga & there is maybe a minor movement of this, I lost a lot of hope and strength him making fun of buddhist, I feel he also gaslights himself and empathic intutives at times, for them speaking about idealistic notions they know is not true, to inspire themselves, and to move towards that depth, fully knowing it's unnatainable, yet improveable, for example with suffering & happiness without conditions. I often feel there is a very subtle anti-inspiring drive behind this, and also for example due to me loosing a lot of friends, this was the only place and some people for example expolited me here already and they will deny the living shit out of this and are pushed by mods I would personally ban, due to knowing what type of bias they evoke they cause more problems by this eventually, because they life it out and are not empowering enough, they just act rational for their own defense. This is sort of my take on this Spiel I notice also, I was very very constructive with my own feedback and what I essential need, and I did well, I just gaslit myself due to knowing how hard improvement is and how risky it is to ruin friendships I just have to risk beign even more cringe. Leo still has the issue of beign for example like many white priviledged type of beauty progressives, they priviledge girls, not knowing and punish the black guy and rank heavily on beauty, for example in group work! I COULD be wrong, yet I generally contemplate a lot on people who I claimed friends with in my mind, yet it has become increasingly difficult when I see this asshole attitude and I don't know if this is my niceness and idealism at times that blocks this, I feel such a joy in guilty pleasures at times etc. So that is sort of my current take.... I notice i have to go full power again and just fuck others seriously and not care, that is sort of my asshole and my bitch is to make it better than others and then even ignore them etc. anyway...

Also maybe having more 90 day themes

Hopefully I be more happy this way.

Also with this new goal setting thing I have a better idea how to do certain stuff...

I also notice the grind becomes very pleasent and accelerated when I meditate, especially for 1h, I neglected this how succesful mindfulness makes me. I just forget at times, that I lived a highly conscious lifestyle. When I do 30 minutes it's more practical, yet there is a level of depth missing that I get with 1h I have more eureka moments. I think I am through all of this now also. I was just massively afraid of some public stuff where I still do some shadow work occasionally, no coach needed, especially smokers and unhealthy assholes who hide their toxic habits.

The shadow work sessions for how long I've been doing them I neglect their effects, they are tremendous and immediate. What I have been doing wrong mostly is stopping the entire process of success, and turning into that crunch internally & externally. I've been focused to much on the external the last couple of years, yet now I can do both, even when I do cringe stuff etc.

A lot of life advice is common sense, yet it lacks nuance, it's so black&white, there is no grey zone of context, this is most likely why I still consume Leo's content there is so much practical stuff and context, way better than some cheesy content creator abusing subtely all of this self-optimization stuff, I notice the subtle level of hatred etc. Also this is due shadow work optimization frenzy and hatred.

Trusting my authentic voice and stuff like, this I barely meet someone who implements self-help like I'd enjoy it besides Leo and I sometimes dislike this video format, even thought it's highly efficient, it would be cool if he would do episodes like this just with different scenary like at a beautiful place outside or so I dunno etc.

I notice it is better to create my own way of self-help to some extend, it's clearly evident to me, that some stuff the way it is dramatized makes me toxic, and I can make an entire shadow work section out of this, as I find these people inefficient.

3-2-1 process Neighbour & conscious, unconscious pull about work and fat people generally (theme) It feels like there is a gaslighting pride that feels like fat guilt in a sense I dunno how to say and or explain this It feels like there is a huge degeneracy unadmitted and shaming and judging others based on this It feels like there is a strive for perfectionism, yet any inclination to be perfect in a sense it's all a lie begin fat, old and overweight and having 10000 allergies is the anti-thesis of health and it's bothering others, and you act like everything is okay, and your silence is bothering no one? It feels like there is an undercurrent of hate against fat people because they are kind and friendly for survival and it reminds you overself It feels like they enact selflesness in order to appear thin It feels like they are in denial about their health condition and about how much they actually work and would shame and sort of pout manipulate like a 5 year old narccisit abusing the goodness of others It feels like ther is this sharing of success and claiming your own as you want to control others, yet it has nothing to do with you it feels like I am part of her image, because of my skin color and she just should shut the fuck up, also her family and this explains to my why jewish people are preffered when it comes to giving out appartements It feels like they are animals disgusting animals It feels like the only one conscious are the children living wild, they want to live wild, yet life like tamed animal adults prisoned It feels like they are hidding their flaws and only create order to appear well, they don't do it intrinsically like my mother the image of what neighbour x thinks of me is more important Alright this is enough to stay on topic, what are you showing me shadow? I am clearly showing you that you care about the image the neighbours have of you due to beign black, you feel a strong guilt as they are abusing it subtely in a sensationalist and image oriented way like disgusting normies do. You feel better now? Yes, yet they are just looking for cheap options with their b.s the only one normal seems to be the parents of the children the older ones are such fat deluded materalist orange assholes, they would not admitt this. It feels like online-dating seeing this. Good observation, well you are still gaslighting yourself, the fundemental issue is you're not leading your own life enough to not care and see it all as a conscious pull, like you did when you were on point, you see this all even what Owen Cook says as "the truth" while the universe sort of just creates whatever state you're manifesting and acts as a best fit for eternity, you realize how deep that is in contrast to some crooker? You realize also how fast you had success with girls, by implementing the principles and not the techniques of what Leo & Owen teaches, & even that these techniques are a way to do things, you can learn if you really want to improve yes? Yet the subtle damage of this social discourse you're having and with beign triggered and not using it in the wu-wei, choiceless awareness fashion even if angry and pissed is missing bro, you were in beast mode so to speak under beast, you get this? So.... waiiiittttt.... we're in conscious mode and golden shadow now? You know how much I dislike it that there is this subtle nagging of mine, oh there is no research about this, Wilber recommends this and books and the original thinking factor is missing, we're going and moving so far away from what is actually happening, you've noticed this. You know what these other people are thinking of you? Often? Can you make it and they cherish you're success and the time you'd spent with them as you're more succesful and they could learn, humans are that way, yet you feel something different. YES! What is this what is so different? It is your own insecurity about success and how much work it takes, you would not even want to recommend it, and would just look for sort of coaching style improvement tipps, yet you notice the subtle ego in this, so you're sort of killing yourself with unneccessary thinking and qualms better used to solve real problems. Yet, this is still improvement right? Yes, it still is, what botheres you at times, as that you can't implement the perspective of others, due to subtle doubts and upmanship and ego gratification of others, you notice the deep unconscious pull this creates and weasle your way out into a different direction of what is more conscious to solve this & it takes more effort right? Like this right now right? Yes, then what is your gift with the neighbour? You notice that conscious living entails dealing with unconscious people and you're sort of letting it get to you in your own navity and innocence at times, as you learn and do mistakes etc. You even love these type of character corrections, yet you miss the success fundamentally all of this shadows are there because you're not that close to the edge of success and it's like the entire world convulses, when you're close to there, simply as an emotional system thing, yet why shadow is it that way? Do you know why that is that way? The world sees success at times as asshole, it's like guys bitching about girls calling them bitches and girls assholing about guys calling them assholes, it's a double-standard one is guilted the other one is not, success is exactly that asshole and or bitch and everyone knows it, most deny in doing it just to appear good. It's an image limit. Well, what now? What can I do when others ride on my success and abundance vibes? Let it happen? What gift are you showing to me? No matter what type of human you are the asshole in you is that success drive, that bithc in you is that success and perfectonism drive, you're exactly that, and you know exactly what it takes to make objective X happen, just do it!! Do IT!!! evenwhen you waste others time etc. FKING DO IT! I am the one gaslighting myself about success letting it out on my neighbour I am the one caring about the image of my neighbourhood I am the one beign paranoid of what my neighbour thinks of me I amthe one who is not enacting his inner asshole & bitch to be succesful aka that black heart I am the one who is not enacting hsi inner assshole AND OR bitch to be succesful I am not the one who is enacting his inner asshole AND OR BITCH TO BE SUCCESFUL I AM THE ONE GUILT TRIPPING MYSELF ABOUT SUCCESS AND THE DEPTH THAT YOU CREATE HERE I AM THE ONE BEIGN TO NICE ABOUT MY EXISTENCE I am the one nagging about proccesses and quiet time I am the one not fully enacting my intuition and SAYING FUCK LEO & FUCK OWEN as a friendly and healthy new.york type of FUCK YOU, I do it and you shut up and benefit from it, like a stage red type of masculine compassion etc. I am the one image limiting myself, instead of constant re-innovation. I am the one beign pulled down by unconscious people due to lacking skill in dealing with them consciously, notice how good you feel when you do this you LOVE IT TO HAVE CONSCIOUS CONTROL OF OTHERS; YES THIS IS POSSIBLE IN YOUR MIND YOU FEEL IT LIKE MERGING TWO INTENTIOSN INTO INFINITY: I AM THE ONEE POUTING LIKE 5 year old to get my needs meet and act sick and I need help instead of working hard like a 5 year old KING !!!

I am going to not go out with the girl with the dog, as I was so lazy and I notice how there is this subtle guilt, which is just going to be more sort of journey into mental invulnerability, to realize where I feel guilt & I feel guilty with work at times, and the neighbour plays out patterns where I have massive fear and it's very subtle, most likely you'd believe I am paranoid, yet when I interact with these people I notice no no, they are fking paranoid, and subtely transmit this. So when ever I feel more conscious the rat sort of approaches. What helped me is to make a joke out of this, she is like the fattest praying mantis I've meet and I generaly currently stay away from overweight people due to how toxic they are and are not realizing this, especially with work & health. For me the bigger issue is the self-gaslighting when I turn more conscious, and to realize there are also more conscious pulls, yet Leo does at times more bad than good. This is sort of my observation currently. Due to the video game culture there are certain triggers. That I am not fully getting rid of, so I am doing a 3-2-1 process, yet I don't enjoy how superfifical my purpose is when I interact with "clowns" gut oriented food, feed time.

Post got somewhat lost thought about the gaslighting episode, I benefit more from people like Leo if they admitt more mistakes, yet he cares to much about his image, due to the more negative type of learning he did at the beginning if he positively names his flaws I feel a lot better and learn more etc. Posting after this later.

Not feeling to well about the German family thing. It often feels like all they care about is success and the big thing and subtely act racist and create false expectations I do well distancing myself from them. Also they are so low IQ it's an odd gut feeling like they live only from their gut, food, family & time.

I've been gaslighting myself about healthy routines a bit, let's see and hope that things will turn for the better....