Gladius

For the record, another key word that should be highlighted here is BOUNDARIES. Yeah, I should have set some of those a few decades ago. For the time being, I'm going low contact with my family of origin. I'm not sure how our relationship will evolve but it is being proved not only necessary, but critical.

It's a perfect day to start this new chapter of my life. My previous journal started setting some kind of rules to myself on social media use, and ended up unraveling so much stuff I wasn't even aware. Phew. What a journey. Therefore, it has been proven useful to give an intention to this practice, even if it seems silly. My goal for this January is simply to delete the Facebook app from my phone and to stay away from it. That's it. Along the way, for sure there will be plenty of juicy insights, thoughts and awesomeness. Cheers.

Another way to rephrase the last insight is being the "scapegoat" of the family. Learning that role and binge-watching yt videos about it has been helpful to some extend. Why it took me so long to realise this dynamic, I don't know, but I'm so glad I did. Now, it's time to move on.

Still wondering why it took me so long to cut sh*tty people off from my life. That should be your number one measure, guys. Everything else will fall into place.

For the first time in my life, this summer I took not only physical but real emotional distance from my family of origin. It's the most healing I've ever done: I'm breathing deep and safe, my skin looks terrific and energy levels skyrocketed. I'm feeling great although aware of all the damage done. Now, as a "healed adult", the abuse is more obvious than ever. My 20's were all about changing jobs, countries, friends... trying to feel good, so I decided to eventually stop. My 30's have been indeed really introspective. All changes started from within. It was tough but the right way to go. My 40's, starting next year, are promising.

@studentofthegame hey buddy, nice to hear from you. Sure, it helps to share, so let us know if you're writing somewhere.

@aurum yes, I have been living for decades with C-PTSD and started unraveling the effects the last 5 years or so. I'm doing therapy and everything I can to get my life back on track, focusing on my health, my career and the way Interact with others. Also taking a couple massages per month and treating myself as good as I possibly can.

Now, in my late 30's, I realised my pelvis is tilted back and has been this way probably since the bullying suffered in my youth, as if my body was hiding my male parts. Since a few years ago I'm doubling down on my healing, with therapy, exercise, somatic yoga, setting boundaries and so on. My mental health has improved a lot but still can't completely fix this body adaptation. Any ideas?

@aurum Sure, I agree with you 100%. I have been in therapy and self-development for years and just realised this posture issue short ago, as I have been dropping many psychological defence mechanisms.

Thanks everyone! @aurum my theory is that if I can fix my posture by releasing trauma stored there, it could increase my energy and libido. Hope it makes sense.

In my opinion, therapists are just people, if that makes sense. Their job is listening to you ande detecting patterns, but of course they have their own weaknesses and you should be careful with taking their feedback as word of God.

Doing well lately and doubling down on myself.

"I know I should just recover and get back to my routine, it's just I feel this immense pressure to be productive now, because I've wasted my 20s and didn't build the foundation for good life then. I'm now 32 and some form of middle life crisis is definitely hitting me. It feels like I only started maturing maybe 1-2 years ago, I know I should have done these things when I was 20 or even earlier. But I was very young and very dumb." I relate 100% to this, although I'm already 39 and just living for myself since 36. However, I'm getting more and more happy. Keep it up, those drawings are awesome.

I dont know what to write here anymore. Big changes were undergone over the last few years, so lately I decided to take it easy. From now on some tweaks will always be done here and there, but I'm positive I'm on the right track. There are still family issues, career goals, relationship problems, and (fewer) CPTSD sequels. And that's ok.

Things are pretty much the same for the moment, and it will be like this until summer or so. I'm focusing now on my free time and relying on myself to enjoy it.

@Spiritual Warrior yeah, it is a long term game I guess. Thanks, good luck as well.

Lately I've been reconnecting with old friends from school. I do believe I'm back to being that kid again, energetically, and that allowed this connection to happen.

All going well. In terms of health, feeling better than ever. I improved my diet by cutting off sugar and gluten, which were causing a lot of damage. My career keeps its course without a doubt since I shifted two years ago. There is a breakthrough expected in the upcoming months, so looking forward to that. However, my life is still a bit chaotic regarding social life, free time, and housing. I'm not worried and I'm not going to force anything. I do believe that as I'm fixing my energy, everything else will fall into place. It may sound weird being this maybe the best time in my life in years, but I signed up for online therapy a few days ago. I received a good offer and it could be the final boost for my healing process.

Wonderful pieces of art, keep it up. Finding a job you absolutely love in your thirties is possible, I promise. Happy new year!

This year's resolution is to keep being a bit more of an "asshole". For a recovering people pleaser like me, this just means being a functional man. Lately, this is working quite well. Happy new year, guys.

This year is finishing with good news careerwise. In terms of healing, I learned I'm still a huge people pleaser, although I have been saying no quite a lot. I'm feeling more energetic and enthusiastic than I can remember, significantly better that one year ago: Joking with colleagues and students, hiking on my own, playing the guitar, and keeping the house (more or less) clean and tidy. Therefore, hopes are high for 2024. Steady as she goes. If anyone reading, happy holidays!

This weekend I've been beating myself up like in good old times. I slipped back hanging out with the wrong people. I thought that a night out could be a good distraction and I ended up hitting my emotional rock bottom. Therefore, this is just a reminder that everything will be fine and back to normal. It might take a few days to recover from this one. Another insight I have is that I need to remember at all times, whether I like it or not, I am an extremely sensitive person, so I need to be really careful with my energy.

Still feeling strong and confident. Every day is 0,001% better than the previous one, since a couple years ago. Therefore, I'm optimistic about the future. I've done tons of work to overcome my worst insecurities and it is starting to pay off. There is still a long way to go, but I know how to walk. I just need to remind myself to keep this mindset, and I'm sure everything will be fine. Steady as she goes.

By the end of last year, a coach told me that I was a "baby" in terms of considering myself equal to everyone else, as opposed to being inferior. It's sad that it took me so much time to process and behave according to that information. The change, though, is being amazing.

Everything stays the same. The word "testosterone" has been living rent-free in my mind. I have the feeling I needed to get in touch with my masculine, which I had forgotten for a long time. I'm working on that by being really careful with my social interactions. Basically, avoiding ass-licking at all costs. Throughout this process I have been so focused on myself I totally forgot about people around me. Lately, I'm noticing how I am strong enough to care about others and help them one way or another. This time, though, from a position of strength, not a doormat. Steady as she goes.