Gladius

For the record, another key word that should be highlighted here is BOUNDARIES. Yeah, I should have set some of those a few decades ago. For the time being, I'm going low contact with my family of origin. I'm not sure how our relationship will evolve but it is being proved not only necessary, but critical.

Another way to rephrase the last insight is being the "scapegoat" of the family. Learning that role and binge-watching yt videos about it has been helpful to some extend. Why it took me so long to realise this dynamic, I don't know, but I'm so glad I did. Now, it's time to move on.

Still wondering why it took me so long to cut sh*tty people off from my life. That should be your number one measure, guys. Everything else will fall into place.

For the first time in my life, this summer I took not only physical but real emotional distance from my family of origin. It's the most healing I've ever done: I'm breathing deep and safe, my skin looks terrific and energy levels skyrocketed. I'm feeling great although aware of all the damage done. Now, as a "healed adult", the abuse is more obvious than ever. My 20's were all about changing jobs, countries, friends... trying to feel good, so I decided to eventually stop. My 30's have been indeed really introspective. All changes started from within. It was tough but the right way to go. My 40's, starting next year, are promising.

@studentofthegame hey buddy, nice to hear from you. Sure, it helps to share, so let us know if you're writing somewhere.

@aurum yes, I have been living for decades with C-PTSD and started unraveling the effects the last 5 years or so. I'm doing therapy and everything I can to get my life back on track, focusing on my health, my career and the way Interact with others. Also taking a couple massages per month and treating myself as good as I possibly can.

@aurum Sure, I agree with you 100%. I have been in therapy and self-development for years and just realised this posture issue short ago, as I have been dropping many psychological defence mechanisms.

Thanks everyone! @aurum my theory is that if I can fix my posture by releasing trauma stored there, it could increase my energy and libido. Hope it makes sense.

Now, in my late 30's, I realised my pelvis is tilted back and has been this way probably since the bullying suffered in my youth, as if my body was hiding my male parts. Since a few years ago I'm doubling down on my healing, with therapy, exercise, somatic yoga, setting boundaries and so on. My mental health has improved a lot but still can't completely fix this body adaptation. Any ideas?

In my opinion, therapists are just people, if that makes sense. Their job is listening to you ande detecting patterns, but of course they have their own weaknesses and you should be careful with taking their feedback as word of God.

Doing well lately and doubling down on myself.

"I know I should just recover and get back to my routine, it's just I feel this immense pressure to be productive now, because I've wasted my 20s and didn't build the foundation for good life then. I'm now 32 and some form of middle life crisis is definitely hitting me. It feels like I only started maturing maybe 1-2 years ago, I know I should have done these things when I was 20 or even earlier. But I was very young and very dumb." I relate 100% to this, although I'm already 39 and just living for myself since 36. However, I'm getting more and more happy. Keep it up, those drawings are awesome.

I dont know what to write here anymore. Big changes were undergone over the last few years, so lately I decided to take it easy. From now on some tweaks will always be done here and there, but I'm positive I'm on the right track. There are still family issues, career goals, relationship problems, and (fewer) CPTSD sequels. And that's ok.

Things are pretty much the same for the moment, and it will be like this until summer or so. I'm focusing now on my free time and relying on myself to enjoy it.

@Spiritual Warrior yeah, it is a long term game I guess. Thanks, good luck as well.