Gladius

"Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded" (Buddha)

Things seem quite static lately, at least on the outside. When this happens, I just focus on myself and take good care of my needs. Meditation is the one healthiest habit I'm creating. I'm more and more able to catch my thoughts before I get sucked in them. I'll be setting at least 5 daily minutes for that.

I'm glad things are working out for you. It's inspiring to see you are deservingly achieving your goals. Enjoy it and keep it up!

Thank you so much, buddy! I definitely feel way better lately. I know there is still room for me to grow but that keeps me motivated. Hope you are doing great! Cheers.

These days I can see a baby boom around me. I guess it's an age thing, but it makes me conscious of how time is flying by, and I feel guilty of wasting it somehow. However, I'm happy of the progress I'm doing lately in my attitude and mindset. Changes are sticking. I must be doing something right.

Feeling definitely stronger these days, I'm able to set mid-term goals for this year. The two things that are bothering are job and housing. On May I'm renewing my housing contract. After that, I'll be able to drop my current job and focusing my attention on something else. However, on a daily basis I have an eye on flats and job offers to see if something catches my eye.

@studentofthegame thanks, I'm confident of levelling up this year one way or another. Every morning I'm spending around 1 hour time checking job offers. There has been already some interesting opportunities, and I'm also progressing with my side hustle. Besides of that, I'm just trying to live on a daily basis as consciously as possible, and getting rid of any bad vibes, either from myself or others. On February I'll have more free time, so the intention is to reorganize myself to be more productive and avoid wasting too much time.

A new job can be somehow stressful, but once you get used to it in a few weeks you'll have room to shape a nice routine.

We are well into the year, and Christmas, New Years Eve, and my birthday have past. I'm feeling strong enough to set some goals for 2021. Usually, I don't consider political or economic climate to take decisions. However, we're under a hard lockdown at the moment. It sounds like an excuse, but probably is not best time ever to risk. If everything goes as expected and the world is opening up again, I'm quitting my job before summer. Until then, I'll keep looking for alternative income stream. Worst case scenario, I will take some months off and study something else.

Building mental strength is priority for me these days. Just being aware of how much my mind tends to wander (and it wanders into very negative places) is scary. There was so much energy wasted during years and years, all down the drain. In that sense, it's been incredibly helpful this "Guide to meditation" available on Netflix. It's the first time I see that topic in such mainstream media, and it's a really good and simple explanation IMO. I loved the last chapter in particular. Maybe you like it @studentofthegame Every time my head starts touring around Self-defeatingland, I bring it back. It leaves, I bring it back. So far, only by doing that I got more energy and libido. Looking back in this journal, this has been a leitmotiv, so I need to end that habit once and for all. I will keep working on that and tracking results before any other big decision.

The first and foremost problem I'm facing these days is procrastination. The first draft of my project is due in 6 weeks and I didn't do much. What I'm doing to solve this is sitting every single day for ten minutes to work on it. It doesn't have to be more time, but I can't skip one day. Spoiler: Once you're sitting there, you're always ending up working for more than 10 minutes, and it creates the habit.

This Christmas vacation has been lovely. I allowed myself to do nothing, relax, watching TV, staying with family, letting my parents feed me, and so on. My batteries are now fully charged. Feeling strong enough to take a break from nootropics, hypericum and similars. My intention for the first two weeks of the year is to monitor my mood and energy and see how it feels. There was a bump the first days but so far so good.

Happy new year buddy! Congratulations, I'm really happy for your well deserved breakthrough. I'm sure 2021 will bring even better news. Keep up the good work. Cheers!

Instead of setting a list of specific goals for 2021, which make me really anxious, I'm stating what I'm NOT going to do. These are the traps I still have been falling on, so just reminding myself of them over and over it's going to be useful: - Victimism. - People pleasing. - Isolation. - Being reactive in my relationships. - Being passive-agressive instead of asertive. - Procrastination. I started to have a good professional feedback lately. If I manage to avoid these traps, I'm pretty sure it's going to be a wonderful year.

@studentofthegame thank you very much, buddy. For all your feedback and support. I didn't acknowledge enough how important is to me your contribution to this journal. Knowing that someone out there is reading this, is key to keep me going. Looking forward your next post. Cheers!

As this year goes by, I can't help to start reviewing and analysing how it went. I will wait until after Christmas to set goals, but I will state now what are the issues I'm struggling the most, so I can prepare the new year accordingly: - Work: It's my number one concern at the moment. It's robbing me energy, time and health. Some serious action will need to be taken in 2021. The good note in this chapter is my first paid project as a writer. - Home: Living isolated will drive me insane. I will move somewhere more centric and sharing with likeminded people. I will decide this after the job, because I might move to another city or country, I don't really care. - Relationships: As the year went by I tried to get rid of blame and resentment towards others, and focus on myself. - Health: Everything's fine here, but I'm still using hypericum and some nootropics to get by. - Dating: I'm not specially worried by this one, but it needs work as well. These are just some thoughts. I do believe I'm a better and "happier" person than one year ago. Final review will come in the following days.

As time goes by, I'm getting rid of some bad mental habits, and that's probably the thing number one that's holding me back in life. I will remind this to myself over and over, as much as necessary.

Since my "successful" writing gig a week ago, I had a few small victories over myself and others that really got me going. I remember Jordan Peterson talking about hierarchy, and how "success breeds success". My intention is to be aware of that and keep that "upward spiral" energy as much as possible. Every day, every interaction and every conversation counts.

@studentofthegame Interesting. What would you say is your main goal or struggle at the moment?

@studentofthegame thank you buddy!

It looked like impossible only one year ago, but it happened. My first paid writing project just started. Never give up, guys. It's weird, but I want to write down how bittersweet the feeling was yesterday. I felt happy and calm, and confident this is the beginning of a career. However, I observed some sadness or grief coming up a bit later, like I was sorry for my past self. This didn't last though. The only thing is I'm even more desperate to quit my current job, but I'm afraid it would be still quite risky. In the past, I suffered from the "Icarus syndrome". When I get good vibes from something or someone, I try to hang on to that feeling advancing way too fast, and I need to remind myself it didn't work well. I will think about it these days and take a decision in a week. Besides, I'm also trying to substitute my addiction to social media and tinder for language learning apps. Next week I'll reevaluate feelings and set goals as I start writing. Cheers.

This week is promising. There is a big chance of receiving a couple job offers I'm really looking forward to. I try to not have any expectations since any outcome is possible, but I couldn't help to think about it and discuss it with people. I hope it works out for once. However, if not, I'll keep using same strategy. Regarding health everything is fine. I'll stop taking the L-Theanine for a week. I do have been noticing the positive effects like higher focus and memory, but also a mild headache that makes me feel uncomfortable taking it. Maybe I will be back to that in a period where I really need peak performance.

These last weeks I had both an interesting date, and an interesting job interview, so I guess I must be doing something right. Slow pace, but right direction. I'm still experiencing a lot of tension before these events, like I would be resisting to change so much. I need to be really mindful of that, in order to avoid self-sabotage like I did so many times in the past with both issues. After solving the job issue, next one will be housing. So, yeah... Basically, I'll keep doing same stuff, always going back to simplifying and not getting myself in the way.

You gotta pat yourself on the back every now and then, specially when you see progress compared to the person you were one or two years before. Looking forward the update.

@studentofthegame Yes, I think it's important to have a routine with good habits implemented, that's what I'm aiming for.