Gladius

I'm in a similar situation. I'm stuck in a job I hate. In the past, I tried quitting a job cold turkey, but staying at home all day long all by myself overthinking did not help. This time I decided to suck it up and apply to part-time jobs which I may enjoy more, and that give me room to work on my own projects. I see you decided to quit and I'm sure that's the right choice for your situation. All the best!

Feeling better than last update. I tried to be really aware of my emotions, and let them be. I have also been really careful with my self-talk and always bringing it to my own side. Last days, new opportunities and ideas came up. My long term goal is the same. Looking for a part-time job which I enjoy and it gives me room to work in my creative projects and financial freedom. This week I'm going to take it easy. No rules or new habits. I'm feeling healthy and progressing. Just keeping it up. Have a nice day!

@studentofthegame Exactly, I'm learning also to soothe myself in different ways. I'm bouncing back faster from setbacks, and learning in the process. I'd say I'm back in the game now. I'm glad to hear you're gonna try hypericum. Give it a few weeks taking a couple pills consistently in the morning and keep tracking your mood. Many thanks for your comments and support, I really apreciate it, buddy. I know what you're talking about regarding fear of writing it. Sometimes it feels like your going over again and you just want to move over. However, I think a journal like this helps putting things in perspective. Take care.

Breathing. That's it.

Last few days have been rough. I've been rejected from relationships and job applications at the same time. My conclusion is I need to apply self-love and take care of myself. Even though I pretend I'm over it, when it comes to the moments that matter I'm still so needy. So damn needy. For some reason I need everyone's approval. However, I'm happy I'm aware of that. I let the "negative" emotions that came from rejection flow and learned from it. Nothing really happened, I'm still here. I do see some progress in the last months and I'm confident everything's going to be fine. The only reminder this week is to keep taking care of myself, in all aspects. Have a nice day!

@studentofthegame Yeah, I've been working full time most of my life. My goal is to work part-time, so I can create other different sources of income,

Any opinions on hypericum? Some people consider it a nootropic. I've been using it for the last few months and it has amazing effects on me, just wondering if there is a downside on its use.

@studentofthegame @Bill W Working full time can be overwhelming. It's important to take care of yourself and have a powerful routine to face daily challenges. I can relate to the "needing mummy" feeling as well. Lately I've been able to find the adult in me, versus the kid (I want to) and the father (I should), and this really helped to cut the neediness from my parents.

@studentofthegame Yeah sure, I actually kinda like it to be by myself sometimes and see how I really feel inside. I do have connected with different people, I have "healthier" friends than one year ago and also understanding women better.

Looks like when I remove every distraction, the only and real issue I got is my inner critic. My intention this week will be being really aware of that, let him talk and not paying any attention. Otherwise, I'm going to the gym, eating healthy, looking for a better job and being more compassionate. I do feel lonely sometimes, so I'll try also to be aware of my relationships with those around me.

Second week off work. I'm using it to visit my small nephew, going to the gim, hanging out with friends, and making some progress in my writing career. According to the academy, I should get an internship soon, so for the time being I'm not spending time looking for a job. I'm still taking hypericum. It was Ok without it, but I do feel a certain lack of energy through the day if I don't take it. I'm going to use it until there are some changes in my life that reflect my inner state. I feel that's slowly happening. - Waking up to gratitude affirmations. I'm also trying to be more gentle with myself, so for this week this is enough Have a nice day!

@studentofthegame Nope, I was in the Netherlands!

Yes please, let people heal by themselves, maybe you guys can catch up later in life.

This is a holidays week. I'm in a small dutch city just to visit this girl I have a crush on. Spent a lot of money in flights and hotel. However, I'm leaving on Thursday and now trying to make the most out of it. My first priority must be to find a job I don't feel so discomfortable with. Therefore, I'm gonna spend at least 30 minutes daily in job searching. First ten minutes of the day will be to express gratitude. Have a nice day!

@studentofthegame Congrats for the job! It's great to have a schedule so you can build your habits around it, I'm sure you will make the most of it.

@studentofthegame Thanks! Yeah, I don't feel old at all. I stay pretty healthy and in shape for the time being. About the affirmations, I did 5 or 10 minutes. I still didn't make it a daily habit, but I'm pretty sure it would make a difference long term.

Became 35 years old. Can feel how time is passing by. Meditation: Morning affirmations. Social media: Got a new phone able to track usage time. Keeping it below 90 minutes per day. NoFap: No porn for months. Hypericum pills: decreased intake to one per day. Feeling more grounded, less euphoric but more authentic. It definitely has a healing effect. Social skills challenge Week 2: Being aware of my body language. Had a dream involving actualized.org, like we were all meeting in a party or something like that. Weird. Have a nice day!

I'm loving such level of detail, this is awesome. Keep it up!

- Therapy is over. Last session was already quite unnecesary, even a bit weird. I had run out of things to say. Most of my negative beliefs have been challenged and crushed these last months and it's starting to pay off. For the time being, I'm done reviewing over and over my past. It's understood. Time to move on. - Having good vibrations lately. I have lots of energy for going to the gym, hanging out with people, and starting new projects. I'm feeling confident regarding future, and my inner dialogue has become more positive. I definitely dropped some toxic friendships and attracted healthier ones. - The only thing is worrying me is if this is real or not. I don't want to fool myself. These hypericum pills I'm taking do have effect on my mood. I need to know if this is actually healing, or just masking symptoms. I'm gonna keep taking them until my next holidays (couple weeks). Then I will decrease the intake and see how it feels. - I'm also reading a lot. The last book was "Rich dad, poor dad". I've been neglecting my financial health for many years, so it's a good time to catch up with that. I'm not obsessing about it but it doesn't harm to keep it in mind. - I also read one of those PUA books which I think is bullshit, but there's a 4 week challenge I'm gonna do. I still have fear when it comes to some social situations and I want to face that. Week 1: Affirmations exercise in the morning / smiling strangers on the street. Have a nice day!

@studentofthegame When I'm in similar negative loops, it's useful for me the concept of "emotional flashbacks" as Pete Walker describes, and the way he acknowledges them and let it pass. I'm sure you'll get over it soon, one way or another. Keep it up!

@studentofthegame Thanks! A gym friend told me to just grab the bag and go, every time I'm hesitating. Even if it's for 30 minutes, because it creates an habit. It worked, and I'm always there working out at least one hour. About the books, I have some fiction on the table (Alan Moore's "Watchmen") but I do feel like reading some personal development. I think the next one will be "The way of the superior man". How about you?

These days inevitably cause an earthquake in any kind of routine or discipline. As days go by you'll be able to make it happen. 2020, bring it on. Happy new year, man!

Good start of the year. My energy levels are higher than ever. I'm going almost daily to the gym for the last 4 or 5 weeks. I'll keep taking care of myself, on mental, emotional and physical level. This is something I need to be reminded over and over. - Meditation: I'm using some affirmation videos on Youtube. That will do. - Social media: This is probably the biggest issue right now. Bringing awareness and asking myself about it. - NoFap: Once a week. No porn. - Procrastination: I'm gonna spend at least 20 minutes every day going over my latest project.

From my experience of CPTSD survivor, I'd recommend to look up a good therapist you have chemistry with. I'm in my mid-thirties now and wished I had therapy way before. Earlier in life I tried a couple psychologist and it didn't work. They both looked shocked and confused when they heared my story, and had no idea how to treat it. This year I gave it one last shot and luckily found someone way more aware. She gave me the right diagnosis within 10 minutes of talking. At the end of the day, the healing came from establishing, for the first time in my life, a healthy honest bond with someone I can be 100% authentic. It's expensive but it's the best investment I've ever made. Of course you also need to work on your own, though. Good luck.

The only thing I promise myself for 2020 is to take care of myself, to keep the momentum built in 2019 and to consider the goals I posted last time. Every time I feel confused, bored or anxious, I'll look at that list and take action to make those things happen. I booked one last session with the therapist next week. We agreed I overcame the most serious symptoms that took me there last summer. I'm also taking hypericum pills in the morning, which it does help to keep my mood stable and positive. I'm not sure if things are working out because I feel good, or I feel good because things are working out. Whatever. Have a nice day and happy new year. P.D. Another goal I want to keep in mind is learning to vocalize better and projecting my voice.