Sagatarius

Day 13: 3/10

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this addiction. I want to use this sexual energy and transform it into passion, creativity, and something better, than nurturing unrealistic desires for women. I can see if i don't do something about this now, I'm going to have serious problems later in life. I don't want to post a long winded discussion, I just want to get started. I'll count waking up in the morning as a day passing in success (to see if I can make the night, which is the worst time for me). I'll be using what (it's not letting me tag users somehow, but name is youngshinzen I believe, so credit to him) has been doing with a 1 - 10 difficulty of each day scale. I'd love your support, I'm finally starting, I must not fail. I'll be accountable if I do. ?

@Paul92 I am actually aware (to the extent i can be) of the hell you are living throughb right now. I've seen a lot of your posts, it seems to me you rushed knee deep into all of this when it wasn't the best time, by never mind you are here now. It feels like your reality is falling apart doesn't it? Sounds like you caught the dark knight of the soul to Me. This is all only temporary like all suffering is. Since your OCD is making you obsess to this i don't think i could ever convince you to go stop this and seek professional therapy or help to work on your shadow. If you had a healthy head space in the first place then none of this should have been this extestentially, emotionally, and psychologically threatening as it is to you now. I don't have OCD, but we all have our own quirks that you'll manage if and overcome if you are ready. I have ADHD, and i'm on the High spectrum of autism i found everything in school impossible because i couldn't concentrate, thst led to emotional problems, and low self-esteem issues as well as depression/anxieties, and it didn't help to have an opressive, manipulative, emotionally, verbally and physically abusive father. Then i had to face school bullies. But im here now and im not doing too bad these days. i can only see myself getting bettern. You'll figure all this out, your identity and your existential reassurance will kid back in, your either just going tonhave to battle throguh all this, or you are going to need to stop and repair your shadow side of you.

Day 12: 3/10

Day 11: 1/10

Day 10: 6/10

Day 9: 7/10 @TheAvatarState Ill make the goal of 30 days at first. Then after that I'll extend it by 3 months then 6, then a year, so forth.

Day 8: 8/10 I can really feel the urge to relapse as I'm starting to have an ego backlash already.

@TheAvatarState My goal is to give it up entirely, that is my vision.

Day 7: 7/10

@Doobz I'm with you! Go give it hell!

Day 6: 6/10

Day 5: 6/10

Day 4: 4/10

@Bojan Yes, Certainly! Those sexually charged emotions will just be transmuted into other ways of expending energy. You can direct it into more creativity for your work for example, so it will especially help if you are in any creative fields. Yes it is hard to do, and it will feel like you are dying at first, but my longest I've gone was a month and I was feeling great. And you won't go insane.

Day 3: 1/10 I woke up early this morning on time, feeling well rested. Haven't been having any sexually charged dreams or relapse so far, I'm finding it quite easy to keep my mind off sex for now.

@Paul92 Paul buddy, please respond? I really hope you haven't jumped off a bridge, your profile says that you were online an hour ago. When I first started learning about Non-duality I was depressed. I don't have OCD so I have no idea how hard that must be to live with. But all I want to say is push through.

Day 2: 3/10

@Shin Haha. Day 1: 2/10 difficulty It's now 6:54am.

I use to struggle with this alot. I got depressed over this because I thought my IQ was low. Although I never knew my IQ (which I think is the best decision I made on it). I didn't want to put any limits or ideas on myself, whether my IQ was high or low. So I dropped the worry, and then my intelligence subjectively skyrocketed. Didn't you say that as soon as you found out your IQ, your brain performance went down and got fuzzy? Since you took the leap and took the reductionistic test (if that's even a word) I can only encourage that with time and more awareness over your beliefs about yourself you will be free of this anxiety. @Eric Tarpall

At work today my manager came down on me hard. He told me to tell a "white lie" to one of our clients and I refused to do so. I almost lost my job because of this. Lying has been a topic of contemplation for me recently. I hate telling lies, even small ones. Small lies lead to big lies, distrust, disrespect, and eventually lies come out under the rug nastier than ever. They are the cause of a lot of suffering in our lives. I stood up to my principles but it was so hard. I guess I experienced first hand what stage orange spiral dynamics is like in Business. Only out to make a profit next margin no matter the means or cost. It actually ends up being worse for them in the longer run, if only they had just told the truth in the first place. Not to mention all the problems it creates inside the company, and the physical conditions problems it can cause for the lair. If you value the truth, and that means all kinds of truth, then you'd probably agree with me on this here. I'm not trying to moralize to anyone here, I want feedback on if anyone else has this same problem. have they faced it before and how they have dealt with it (especially in workplace scenarios)? Thanks

@Winter I have heard lying is bad from many places in my life, but I never listened or understood why, and it took years. As I said I had contemplated this, I'm not just going off what other people said. I use to lie on a consistent basis, white lies and big lies. I hid secrets from people, I lied to those I loved. It only ever ended up causing pain and suffering. I have experienced first hand what lying does. The end result is never justified or worth it. You've made a duality between lying to yourself and other people, no such really exist. Both are the same. "Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God." -- 1 Corinthians 6:10

I do 30 mins a day of staying present meditation (not thinking/staying present or clearing the mind). Ii've been doing it for about 6 months now without missing a day. I watched the dark side of meditation. Do you think this will happen to me by doing it only for 30 mins With just staying conscious technique?

@Nahm @Zephyr @Monkey-man @Will Bigger Thanks everyone for your replies to my post. I'm just not use to it. Coming out of old paradigms and into new is process.

you may have gotten something called "depersonalization disorder". don't worry, there are ways out of it. so follow that up and get help from a professional. but other than that I can't really know what happened to you.