Kaity

Today I'm talking about Dr. Christiane Northrup but I guess it could be a general question too about once trusted individuals. She's an author (previously unknown by me) whose work from Women's Bodies Women's Wisdom has been cited all over the place by people I quite respect. Knowing nothing about who she is now, I started reading her book and read about 30% of it. It was casually new-agey and nothing really shocked me or stood out as overtly alarming. In fact, I found a few parts quite helpful and was looking forward to finishing the book. But today I discovered that this lady whose (some) ideas I found helpful has apparently lost her mind. She's an anti-masker, far-right anti-vaxxer, thinks being around a vaccinated person is harmful, and believes a billion other nonsense that conspiracy theorists do. She's super active and preachy on social media and I think calls her followers "warriors?!" Naturally, I'm utterly turned off from ever touching her book again knowing who she has become. But at the same time, her insanity seems to be recent and maybe I shouldn't rule her previous work out completely? Can once-reliable people go cuckoo all of a sudden or they were never really reliable in the first place? I gravitate towards abandoning her work forever but not sure if that's the right way to go in situations like this. Of course my trust in her future work is forever lost but does that mean I should treat her past work the same way?

If you research this topic through google, most of the articles talk about male sexuality and drive. There are ton of recommendations what kind of supplements or foods they should be consuming to increase their sex drive. Although some of these items could also be relevant for women, I'm pretty sure female sexuality needs slightly different approach. Has anybody experimented with certain supplements or herbs/plants and has noticed libido boost? Any other recommendations besides healthy diet & lifestyle for fixing almost nonexistent sexual desire?

I've tackled all kinds of pleasures of life and tried to indulge in things that feel good but can't stay attracted to anything. This desire to tune into whatever the heck I'm here to do is above everything else and I can't enjoy things without having found this "element." It feels like I'm forcing myself to do almost everything in everyday life, waiting for something larger to click and consume me. I've crossed continents to find myself and this purpose but I'm as behind as ever. The only thing I know is that I can't last much longer without channeling this Thing and dedicating my life to it. I don't care about relationships, money, luxury, sex. I've used these things long enough as distractions to procrastinate tuning into myself but they've never been and never will be fulfilling if I don't find what I'm looking for. The most frustrating fact is that I've been chasing this Thing my entire life. I took the Life Purpose Course when I was 19, then again last year, at the age of 23. I have realized that my work needs to revolve around serving and helping others directly. I started studying psychology but thanks to our genius university systems, I'm as detached from the subject as students of accounting major are. It will take years for me to have actual experience with people in need. But I can't wait that much longer. I need something to wake up for now. I feel absolutely worthless in life and my self-value is so low that I struggle to even find a minimum wage shit job. It feels like something in me is trapped and if I don't release it in time, it'll explode and take me with it. The funny thing is that the world around me is in so much need for caring people and activities, yet, here I am, eager to put myself in service of others but somehow I'm so clumsy at life that I can't even get myself into a volunteering work. Everything is a huge challenge for me, everywhere I encounter competition, or that I'm not qualified or certified enough or whatnot. It's hard not to feel completely useless, especially when I still haven't realized in exactly what way I would like to help people. I'm really not sure how much longer I can bear this emptiness and being lost. I'm 24, which is not that old but I'm already noticing certain things about my personality/abilities decaying and if I don't do something soon, it will be impossible to change these patterns later on. I used to be full of life, creative. Loved arts and photography and always had some sort of projects going on. But ever since I went after exploring who I REALLY am and tried to find what was my real purpose in life, I lost every connection I had with these hobbies. Now I have nothing to show, no skill, no work. Just a student status to cover up how lost and off the path I actually am. Sometimes I ask myself if my mind is way too intoxicated already from enough "I can't"s and obstacles that I can never achieve the state of flow and purpose. Not exactly expecting anything here. But sometimes calling myself out openly makes me more accepting and helps slightly.

One night I was thinking about what would I do if let’s say my mom died. How would I cope with it? Naturally, I experienced immense fear, sadness, and resistance towards even imagining such a scenario. The ego-defense mechanism instantly activated the need to find some solutions and sparked up some thoughts. Personally, I've been so out of touch with the feeling of loss that I think it would be impossible to cope with it once I actually face the loved one's death for the first time in my adult life. From the biological perspective, the more you practice something the easier it gets, right? So could the coping muscles also be strengthened if one imagines their loved one's death many times and sort of pre-mourns the potential loss? Is this a petty inclination to have? On the other hand, I think this "practice" would actually be healing in a way that after you've almost made yourself believe your loved one's death, the next day you get a chance to interact with them again and treat them as "you should've."

I'm ashamed to learn about this catastrophe through an Instagram post, but then again, there's only a handful of news outlets that cover this topic. Why do we keep it a secret? Smoke from Burning Amazon Turns São Paulo Afternoon into Midnight Amazon fires: Record number burning in Brazil rainforest - space agency Parts of the Amazon rainforest are on fire — and smoke can be spotted from space

@Apparition of Jack Oh no, I didn't really consider any conspiracy theories and calling it a "secret" was more of an exaggeration. I was just shocked that I had to specifically look for these sources as nothing would come up by default. It's just some social media influencers who try to bring awareness to the matter but the rest of the major media sources stay quiet. (At least for now, probably until #Prayforamazonia explodes)

Chakra Alert! I'm currently reading Anatomy of The Spirit, acquiring a better understanding of chakras. Through self-observation, research and some tentative online tests, I can take a guess that my 1st and 2nd chakras are blocked entirely. It's obvious that everything these chakras represent are absent in my life. On the other hand, I can more resonate with the upper 6th and 7th chakras that aren't so much about the material world. In fact, my daily life consists of putting more energy into the activities and thoughts that are associated with these energy levels. Now studying the first and second chakras, I see that I have no sense of groundedness, security, or feeling "at home," things that I don't think I ever had. The absence of those elements is exactly what I'm experiencing during most of my psychedelic/mystical experiences, which brings enormous fear and anxiety. A sense of being so ungrounded into anything that I feel like I might just snap into insanity. Now, please bear with my freshly-erupted theory: Since apparently blocked chakras force other "functioning" chakras work harder, could my extreme existential terror be related to my upper chakras overworking and inducing negative experiences? After all, my basic and most primitive needs aren't in place, so how can the spiritual aspect of me flourish fully? Could it be that let's say fixing my financial problems, getting adequate accommodation and getting involved with the community actually help the spiritual processes that aren't directly related to those things? Could these material things give me a sense of security that I could use to remove my existential fear of going insane and embrace psychedelic experiences more openly? In other words, should I get a life before daring to go with 4g of mushrooms?

Throughout my childhood and for the past 2 years I've been having recurring panic and anxiety attacks here and there. I've become in peace with them and can't say that they bother me too much. However, every time I read/hear about someone describing the symptoms of panic, anxiety, trauma, it resonates with me so much that I break down in tears. It's hard to approach this objectively so maybe you guys can help me figure out what this could mean. I can't say that these crying episodes are negative. It's more like a mix of anger, self-pity, and joy of feeling "understood," all at the same time. Could there be a message I'm missing out on?

Not 100% sure what anxiety attacks feel like, but for someone who's been through a shit load of panic attacks, your symptoms don't really sound relatable. Only partially, and its mildness makes me assume it was more of an anxiety attack. Or I would say your body's natural response to actual stress. Panic attacks usually happen out of the blue

I'm 23 years old female and literally this day, today, this idea hit me: "Oh fuck, I've been suppressing my femininity my entire life." Funny because I was raised in a greatly patriarchal environment where women were expected to be nurturers, caregivers and "feminine," whatever that word means stereotypically. But I guess since sexuality was largely demonized, (especially for women) and it wasn't acceptable for women to engage in free sex or even embody/show any characteristic that would bring the word "sexy" into your mind, I started to suppress this side of me from a very young age. Being surrounded by sarcastic males and unfortunately also females, I was pushed to become a tomboy, even though my original personality was very feminine. So feminine that not sure how society or my family even managed to suppress it to this level. Eventually I became terrified of being labeled as "girly." God forbid if someone used the word "sexy" towards me. I wasn't as concerned with strangers as I was with my family and classmates. I had a huge insecurity to wear a skirt, makeup or anything besides baggy jeans and oversized t-shirt in front of my brother, my father other male relatives or my classmates. I was doing modeling as a sidejob and even though I hated the work, I guess this was my only place where I could embody my feminine side, shielded by "well I need to make money" excuse. But this is just the "normal" part of the problem. I grew extremely distanced from femininity and women who conveyed this quality were either repulsive, or scary to me. Even today, I get super uncomfortable around feminine girls and I feel like a bearded middle-aged dude when I'm in their company..(Even though I look and dress very feminine myself) Also, I always find it way easier to communicate with men than women and I feel way more comfortable in tomboy girls' company. My self-defense has always been that ohh, these feminine women are either silly, incompetent or they were just born this way and I must be this masculine type, which is why I don't get along with them. But I took some tests and looked at the characteristics of feminine/masculine energies and apparently I embody 90% femininity! This means that I've been suppressing literally 90% of myself for 23 straight years! No wonder I get irritated by feminine energy. It's something that's screaming from within, yet I'm too afraid to face it. I'm way too disconnected from it to be able to even see the potential of ever embodying it. This is a scary realization and I want to start fixing this issue as soon as possible. Any recommendations where do I start? Any books? Any similar stories? Is there a hope?

Recently this question has been on my mind : What makes us FEEL sexually harassed? Please notice the word FEEL. Surely i'm not talking about instances where people (mostly women) have actually been harassed, physically or verbally. I'm talking about more subjective experience, where the "harasser" might've done nothing at all. I know that this is a rare case but it happens to me sometimes and other women (or some men) as well. For example, the other day I was walking out of the subway where I glanced a man walking towards my direction. We made an eye-contact for probably 2 seconds in total, but as soon as I glanced his eyes I instantly felt "abused." I know this sounds really strange and it sure is. After all, you feel harassed by a completely innocent man. This is probably my own projection on a total stranger but I'm really curios to find out what's behind this impulse. Sometimes the situation isn't so mild. It happens so that this stranger gives you a longer look and you clearly see some sort of attraction from his side, even if he doesn't particularly say or do anything. Technically, this person is fully innocent, yet, I instantly get this "ew" thought and feel as though he just grabbed my ass. At this point I've heard similar stories from many women so it makes me really curious to learn more about this occurrence. I tried to do a little google research but unfortunately all that comes up is Hotlines and campaigns against harassment. (Which is absolutely nice, but doesn't really answer my question) Are there any books or articles or research about the psychology behind harassment? Or is it too early/inconvenient to question "harassed" people?

Being HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) comes with its blessings and curses. What would be the case in relation to psychedelics? Could it be that they get way more out of their trips, or tripping itself is a huge challenge, given how deeply they process information and how sensitive they are to any types of stimuli? After all, their brains are wired in a different way and it's logical to think they react on psychedelic substances different than other 80% of the population would. I can imagine how deep and blissful their trips could be, but at the same time how much panic and terror they'd have to initially go through before they reach this blissful state. So the question is, is it more of an advantage or disadvantage to be HSP when it comes to the psychedelic world?

@ivankiss I was reading your story before going to bed last night and all I was wondering was how great of a description you gave of your experience. I saw the both sides : "I was being stupid" and also "I learned something valuable." Honestly I was so impressed by this read that I'm kinda shocked after reading people's replies. I really don't get what the fuzz is about and wouldn't certainly expect such a closed-minded and immature approach from this community. (They're usually pretty open-minded and supportive) So I really can't see what's the problem here. It's not like you took mdma+mushrooms+alcohol because you heard leo talk about psychedelics Or it's not like anybody who's gonna read this will think : "Oh let me mix these substances and trip at a hospital too." At the end of the day, you learned the same lessons as anybody else does while tripping, just in a slightly more difficult way Thanks for sharing such a thorough report which was very consuming and entertaining to read.

@XYZ I enjoyed reading these theories! At the end of the day I'm not taking it too personally even if someone actually tried to harass. I'm more interested in entertaining the idea of "sexual disgust" and "feeling violated" in both genders. Your points click for sure. More attractive a man is to a woman's eye, more trust and less fear she's likely to have towards him.

@Shadowraix I've also tried to connect dots between these strangers and people in the past, but there seem to be absolutely no correlation between them. But in general i'm more interested in why do we experience disgust towards certain people when we envision them desiring us sexually? Why do we get offended by this idea? Why does it make us go "ew" and not get scared for example, or sad. Is this how we're biologically wired or we've just been programmed by society to do so?

@Equanimitize I've read some of Deida's books before and they served me as a great eye-openers and educators. But at the end of the day, it's the practice that brings results, which I haven't thought of doing until yesterday. Thanks for your encouraging feedback! Such a great support makes the beginning of this process way easier.

@Athena There are bunch of personality/core energy and "How masculine/feminine are you?" tests. Lot of them are silly, but you can still gain a certain understanding of where you stand. However, some research is also required about these polarities, which will help you strengthen your initial assumptions.

@aurum I agree that instagram could be a great tool for this before getting comfortable with the real world. I'll probably have to be a creep for a while, stalking and staring at some random women's pictures and meditating on "accepting" them But results are what matter the most in this case I guess. Thanks for inspiring me to invent this exercise for myself. I'll share it with others in similar shoes if I find it useful

@Serotoninluv This is all extremely supportive and and I can't describe how much it helps! Sharing such an ugly side of you with others isn't easy but at the same time it feels enormously liberating, especially when it's met with compassion from others. I like that you brought "attachment to story" to my mind. Although it has not yet become my story because I was totally unconscious of it up until yesterday, it could've easily become one. (Especially now that I have verbalized it) So it's a great warning sign to keep in mind. Big thanks!

@Gligorije Somehow get him/her to do the eye-gazing exercise 10 minutes of looking into their eyes and you end up acquiring a profound connection

Since I'm currently staying away from psychedelics (due to my frequently occurring panic attacks while on/without drugs) I'm looking into alternative healing methods that are more subtle and "easy." I've stumbled upon some Reiki treatments in my area and I definitely plan to give it a try. But given the fact how quick and relatively easy/cheap it is to acquire at least II-III degree training, I thought why not give it a try? But at the same time I don't plan to pursue Reiki professionally, more like an extra skill for me and others in need. (Instead of going to a therapist every time and spending 100 bucks each session) Would it be a good investment of time and money for my personal needs described above? Any experiences?

@MiracleMan Ehh, I can so relate to this! 2 puffs of weed can give me a massive panic attack and even things like pure MDMA that are supposed to be easing out your anxiety can bring me under a huge terror. Not fun. I guess there should be a separate manual for psychedelic use for people with intense panic attacks, be it from drugs or in general

It allll began in the late 90's when I got curious about my body and started "exploring" it earlier than kids usually do 6-7 year olds not being best at hiding shit, I got "caught" by my mom several times. The nicest reaction I remember from her was "If you don't stop doing that you're gonna grow a penis!" The rest of the time she was either yelling at me or not talking to me for weeks. These couple of instances were stretching over the years, accompanied by her avoidance of the subject of sex or giving out impression that it was something evil. She was divorced so I never saw/suspected her having sex either. So guess what this very mature approach of hers would do to a developing child?! Correct, it would fuck up her sexuality and take a toll on her later in life! Here I am, 22 year old who hasn't felt any real sexual desire since the middle school. Somehow all these senses, fantasies and desires faded away over the years and left me completely sterile. Although I'm sexually active, the state of orgasm is completely unimaginable for me and since my current hormonal levels are fine, I assume there should be some mental blocks from these very examples that I mentioned above. To be honest, I could easily live without sex and I never really cared about it; at least not as a source of a physical pleasure. Yes, I quite enjoy the intimacy and the degree of closeness with other person which is available through sex, but all I'm really trying to achieve is to fully "open up." If you can't do that with the most natural and basic thing there is, how can you expect to be open in other aspects of life? Therefore I would like to fix this unnecessary trauma that was gifted to me by my good Christian mama. :* Any advice? Similar stories? How does one conduct a self-therapy to remove these blocks and resurrect what has been getting killed for over a decade or so?

@Gabriel Antonio About half a joint. Pretty small amount I guess because I didn't see any visuals unless I closed my eyes. Whereas the person I did it with was seeing plastic papers everywhere.

@Gabriel Antonio I've recently tried DMT but with no specific intention, which is why I didn't experience any spiritual growth or revelation. Maybe i'll keep in mind next time