Kaity

@Michael569 Thanks for your suggestions! It's actually not a "reduced" libido since it hasn't really been present in the past either. I'm in my early 20's, fit and generally with a good health condition. Never had any major health issues and I consider my body to be well-functioning. Yes, I experience tiredness and lack of energy which is why I changed my diet. It has definitely improved my energy levels + mood but the libido is still not affected. Since I have already tried certain psychological approaches without any success, now I'm thinking to focus more on my food/supplement intake and see if they can have any effects. But generally, I guess this is a very rare complaint and there's not too many information available about "non-existent" libidos.

@Charlotte No worries, it's always nice to hear other people's experiences as well. I think having the different phases of sexual desire overtime is very normal, but in my case it's never present and has only been couple of times throughout my life So I'm thinking that the absence of it is little "weird" since it's such a natural characteristic of the healthy functioning body.

@ajasatya Thank you! You're speaking the absolutely truth! Both of us have mentioned the self-esteem issues and it's no surprise that problems like attraction towards "wrong" people arise. The challenging part is knowing what to do about it and just being patient with it. I think if you care enough about the issue to Not care about it, things will go smoother

@MiracleMan

@Gabriel Antonio I never thought something could inspire me to take a cold shower, neither thought I that it would be a random forum post. I just did it and it felt like a slap in the face. Now I feel great. Thank you sir! (Although I have to say that this practice is lot more challenging for girls with long hair and the hair care routine )

@MiracleMan Dude, you're the male version of me! The primary reason why i'm probably attracted to "damaged" guys is because of the environment I grew up in. I didn't really get to see too much happy, fit or healthy-minded guys so my "standards" have been shaped in a weird way. Also, I started reading books and watching movies that I was too young for and developed strong connection towards these "damaged" characters. I do not think that this aspect is really fixable though because it's very hard to control what you're authentically attracted to. On the theoretical level, sure I really want to text back that nice, good-looking guy that seems perfect for me, but I have 0 attraction towards those types and it usually never works out. Idk, maybe I have over-romanticized these difficult characters at a very young age and it's too late to get out of it now. But who knows. Keep us updated if you discover the ways

I'm not from Germany but I visited Berlin back in August and I 100% want to move there However, I haven't had too much opportunity to get to know locals on such level to figure out their thoughts about self development. I was wondering how people approach this topic over there and if self-actualization is something many people practice. Well, you guys have the School of Life over there so I'm guessing it must be pretty serious :))

I don't think i've seen this topic being discussed in details on this forum. I think it's super fascinating topic, worth observing and figuring out. I'd like to hear how everyone else is dealing with this somewhat creepy experience and just some interesting thoughts/facts about it. I remember reading that majority of people don't really experience sleep paralysis more than once or twice thoughout the lifetime. Personally for me, I've had them so many times that I'm already able to handle them like a pro! ?? I'm not sure if I should feel accomplished whenever I experience sleep paralysis and peacefully wait for it to go away instead of freaking out. But compared to how it affected me the very first time I froze, I guess there's a big progress for sure. But again, i'm really intrigued by this entire process and would love to hear some detailed description and frequency of your sleep paralysis experiences

@ElenaO yes, i've noticed the same thing that you start picking on and judging tiniest details about that person. Things that you'd never even notice with somebody else that you're really really into

@Debil That's exactly the case! and i'd be cool if it was easily overcome-able by just realizing the nonsense of the fear. But that's why we're here right? To do everything we can to make that fear melt away

@ElenaO I'd say you could date him if those differences are acceptable to you and aren't irritating. However, it's only worth trying if you promise yourself and the other person that you'll stay 100% honest throughout enitre time. This is because chances are one day you will decide to move on and you wouldn't want any pain or guilt. Just be clear with that person that you're still not sure about your feelings and this relationship shouldn't be taken too seriously. I think any close interaction with another human being can be a very growing experience from which you can learn a lot. Personally I wish I could just be in piece with other person's flaws and wasn't easily repelled by them. It would give me a ton of flexibility to be more experienced and knowledgable as far as dating goes. So it you don't have that resistance, just go for it and try out, you never know where you'll end up

I think any person with good communication skills can be immediately seen as attractive. Someone who articulates their thoughts in a very relaxed and passionate way, is good at spontaneous interactions and incorporates genuine humor in their speech/actions. For me this trait is still a superpower and I just can't help it but get blown away with fascination whenever I meet such character. (Although it's really really rare)

@Debil I agree that letting go and just absorbing the feeling at that moment is a great experience, once you've overcome the fear. However, it feels like there are different layers of "letting go." The last time I was frozen, I felt like if I completely surrendered to it, i wouldn't be able to wake up at all and it'd send me into a whole another dimension unable to ever return back Again, those are just sensations coming from that direct experience and I don't take them seriously, but at the same time i'd want to be able to just float around peacefully, not being worried about what's going to happen next

@Soulbass I didn't know you could deliberately go into a sleep paralysis. You said that in order to get out, you need to stop breathing for few seconds. I find it happening anyway without me even trying to hold my breath. And only after I completely run out of oxygen that I wake up completely. I think that this process is somwhat a battle within yourself and you literally have to fight with whatever the power you have an access to at that moment in order to shake yourself out. I wonder what would happen if you just gave up, didn't stay alert and didn't try to end it. Could things go "wrong"? Is it possible to actually die through this experience? I wish I was courageous enough to test it

@sgn Isn't it the worst thing of all when you know someone's right next to you in that moment, drinking coffee, doing their thing and having no idea what's going on with you while you're desperately trying to scream for help . ? I could lay there frozen for hours by myself with no problems, but as soon as I know somebody's in the room while i'm lying there half dead, that's when I really start to suffer and freak out for some reason ? Must be some ego game

I think it's interesting that most of the times i've had SP, it was after having a disastrous dream where I was about to die. It was during those super-realistic dreams where you feel your environment with almost 100% accuracy. However, I guess since it's hard for my mind to replicate an actual sensation of let's say exploding in parts or dying in a plane crash, it immediately sends me to the sleep paralysis. It makes me aware that i'm lying on my bed safe and sound but now I have to deal with an "issue" of getting out of this frozen state. The worst part is being partially awake to the point where you can perfeclty understand your surroundings and hear your family members moving around you. I think it's really torturous to know that someone is literally a wall away from you (sometimes even in the same room) and they have no idea what's going on, unable to help you I wonder if they could just shake you out of it if they knew what was happening with you. But overall, this experience is definitely freaky and exciting at the same time. It's not a mild thing to go through, especially when you're younger. I wonder if it's possible for things to go really wrong to the point where you just don't make it out of there. ? But anyways, I think sleep paralysis could be a very important tool to use in order to understand your level of fear towards death and how "brave" or "ready" you are to face it with peace.

@Epiphany_Inspired I can't believe we apologize for accidentally touching someone...So many times in my yoga class, girls have said "omg sorry" for slightly touching my finger while I obviously realize that there's not enough room and it was completely expected. From my own experience, I could literally write a book about the power of the human physical touch, despite it being sexual or not. It just has such an enormous power of positive energy transmission that you just can't hide from its benefits. And I think people in some European countries are lucky to have daily hugs and kisses as a social norm. It just makes so much freaking difference in your overall mood and emotional state, hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it. Here in U.S many teens and adults have a tendency to feel very alienated and lonely, which I think comes from seeing these random, friendly touches as "weird" and having them extracted from our lives. Which is why we desperately crave for some lover, who can provide us with such warmth. In my opinion it's the key element why in some not-so-prosperous countries depression rates are so low, since they get to enjoy their daily interactions and "touches" without feeling creepy or guilty about it. Even just a 2 seconds of someone leaning their head on you can literally make you feel connected and accepted, which will last you entire day to be happy. So I really wish people here were more open to such body expressions and not labeling everything as sexual or weird. Insecurities...

In few weeks, the birthday of my brother is coming up. He's 24. Got his bachelors last month in business and plans to start his own business. Sounds great right? Except.. I see that he's completely lost. Just like many other graduate students who learned nothing but a useless bullshit at school and have no idea what to do with their lives after graduating. He wants to loan the money to open up a fancy ice-cream shop even though his passion has been cars since he was 2. So I see that his current mindset and psychology towards most of the things in life wont get him anywhere because he's too closed-minded. I see him unconsciously following the steps of my dad, my uncles, my grandfathers or other male figures in his life that are complete failures if you ask me. I see that he doesn't express his true self because he's too cocky and proud. As his little sister, who's little bit aware about his psychology and where he stands, I really want to help him change and grow to prevent him being a dysfunctional, talent-wasted and bitter adult like 99% of my other family members. I started escaping my family dogmas few years ago, with the help of internet and the best $100 investment I've ever made- my kindle. This is why I really want to get him one with several personal development e-books inside that have helped me a big time. But there's one big problem. He doesn't like reading. The last book he read on his own was probably in 8th grade and I remember him saying that books are waste of time Plus, he's probably too cocky to read a self-help book in the first place and take advice from an author. So there's two possible outcomes if I get him kindle for his birthday: Either he'll laugh at me for assuming that he'd ever read a book and will ask me to exchange it for a bottle of whiskey or he'll just say thanks, not criticizing me only because i've spent my 2 weeks of salary to get him that present. But then again who knows, maybe this attitude is just his social mask and deep down he'd really appreciate some kind of guide to help him out in this confusing and challenging phase. Or maybe it's me who's exaggerating this situation in my head based on the perception I have about him? Maybe there's a hope for the 3rd case scenario in which he'll just accept the gift and make a use out of it.. But I'm more concerned about my continuous desire over the years to get him this gift because I feel like it's something that could really benefit him in a long run. I might just be a parent who's forcing the broccoli on her kids. But i'm afraid i'd feel guilty after a while for not taking the "risk" and trying my best to help him out. So i'd really like to hear different opinions about this topic and where the line goes between wanting to help someone through your gifts and forcing your own beliefs on them. I have a tendency with other people as well to give them educational presents that I think will benefit them, despite knowing the fact that they wont really like it. So i'd like to hear from different minds if my approach is being overly concerned about people around or it's totally normal to want to share something valuable with others and I shouldn't be worried about being "forceful" thanks!

@Driven Woman yes, I think the lack of sexual desire is very normal and quite connected to the consciosness/awareness study process. Especially at the beginning, before all the fascination and "shock" wears off of your mind from all those mind-blowing concepts you discovered. More focus you put on your mental side, more you take it off from your physical body. So you should't be surprised if sex is no longer in your priority list at the moment. But the lack of desire is just the part of the process and will probably get "fixed" after a while, before something else will influence your mind all over again. So I think it's just an ongoing process and there's nothing to worry about.

@Shin yes, it's very true that you only start to change whenever you decide to. But I think it somewhat depends on one's personality as well and how resistant/accepting they tends to be towards new ideas. For example, I feel like if anyone exposed me to some of the healthy phsychological concepts and books earlier in my life, i'd definitely appreciate and start implementing them in my life without waiting for years to discover them later on my own. Which is why I feel the need to do the same with other people so at least I could give them the chance to be exposed to something they might've not thought about before. But thanks for reading this huge post! Your comment makes me feel lot less selfish and annoying now!