alyra

he's of masturbating in the woods. good time of year to do that, spring! probably naked in a bed of wildflowers next to a handsome boulder under a cute "skylight" break in the canopy with the bright blue sky.

like I've made a lot of progress with my overall togetherness, wellbeing. but, I'm just so lazy.. I don't set ambitious goals, and I don't do the goals I do set, easy goals I know I can do but I just... I don't. I've never really been motivated so that's not exactly new but.. I also just, I don't care anymore. I really don't. and I know that isn't good. I could use some suggestions.

eh, it's all just perspective.

I am generally trying to improve my.. ability to focus on the task at hand. not just to stay attentive to it, as opposed to getting distracted. but also at keeping my ability to maintain awareness of.. what I need to do, what I am doing, and noticing things. that type of awareness. maintaining attention to my task's devices, and purpose, and potential risks. IS there a good method of meditation to recommend for these goals?

even if you give what they ask for, you give what you understand to be good, which is not necessarily what they expect to get. this is what I mean by assumptions. edit: they may be subtle or hard to see, this is what I mean by trick and trap. we do not see it so we fall victim to a false belief, to unawareness .

@Saba The message is an analogy. the suffering is an illusion. we learn and we grow - the "message" is a reminder that there are places to go. we never reach the maximum - we have infinite potential. It is very often we do not know the future - we do not know what "should" be done - we are uncertain. But uncertainty is nothing bad - we do not need to know, we just need to grow - by taking action we increase our opportunity to do so. Take action in order to test. to explore. sometimes it turns out the action we can grow into a plan, and solve the problem. There are three things needed to grow - the one is to look inward with reflection, to find with our abilities what is happening that helps and what is happening that deters. the second is to look outward - to learn from the example others set forth - or even to learn from a mentor. The third is to do - to take action - because without change that happens, then there is no change at all - and change occurs in the action. But not only this - action is its own form of reflection.

it could be seen how selfishness is not problematic, and in fact inherently has selfless impact. the only actor that most reliably is taking care of your health and interest is you. sometimes we do help each other, but not only is that not a consistent method of care, it also isn't efficient because it can only be done with assumptions. the individuals know what they want, but don't know what others want. there are only beliefs in moral righteousness on that regard. while I'm sure we're all wondering about the tricks and traps of believing we know ourselves, really there are many more delusions when it comes to knowing others. it's actually easier to claim that selflessness is more toxic than it could be claimed selfishness is toxic. so many traps that lead to conflict. so much easier to blame each other than to take responsibility for the self. but what can be done about the mistakes of others? selfish drive. furthermore, selfishness is prioritizing one's own success and satisfaction. but where is the success if every self is hurting and stealing from each other on purpose? and which town is filled with successful people - the town where people trade skills and labor and products, and work as a group, or the town where everyone does everything they need by themselves, discarding any extra they happen to create? to look outward is called selflessness, but it really is nothing but the higher level of selfishness. knowing what you need, and trusting that others do too. knowing what you can offer, and trusting that others do too. if you want to be selfless, all power to you. but my advice is - take five or ten years putting yourself at the center of your attention. develop all the skills you need to help yourself to the point you're doing it without needing to try. because even when looking to others as selflessly as possible, these self-oriented skills will be used. and the easier and more effective they are, the less your self will hinder your selfless. in fact it will empower it.

It's interesting that trying to capture "this" in words - or even in concept - is kind of like a game. an infinite experiment. you con only win if you capture the win in some way, but it's just so slippery... you keep grasping it and then realize that it isn't there after all.

I'm having difficulty understanding the neti neti method I'm watching leo's video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq4NDMNDzSs&t=3s and honestly it seems as if Leo keeps trying to tell us that there is something which is there, and... um, well. um, idk what to say. there's nothing to say... there are a few things which... traditionally, in certain circumstances I've used in some way to identify a self that is there just as a manner of reference. but I've honestly never held a "true" concept of self. I've literally just never imagined a self in the world. I imagine the world but it is not with a self. if there is anything which could be called a self, it is kind of like... a dimensionless camera that looks outward? lol what a description tho. there's just no holding onto this as a concept. and I just... It's such an obvious thing in my oppinion, that I just can't believe that this is what we're supposed to find. there's really nothing exciting about it. it's kind of dumb really, and useless. why are there all these people like leo and random enlightened monks who act as if there's some glorious realization to be had? it's... not that... lol... idk.. what to say... there's nothing to really say about it. and the thing is it isn't just in the self either it's kind of.. every where. some not-thing which isn't really there but there's... "space" for it. it's a weird thing I try to capture sometimes and get amused at its... nonbeing.. it shows up most often when you try to separate things apart really. idk. anyway, I'm not gonna try the neti neti method after all, because I just don't understand what it is. "not this not that" what is the point of trying to imagine this or that if it's already obviously not this and not that? in fact by doing the method itself you imply there is something... really it seems as if the only real way to do the neti neti method is to not do it 'cause it certainly isn't that lol. it isn't "it" either. eh, I guess I can understand why monks seem to find... amusement.. but idk. doesn't seem that amusing to me. 'cause it isn't amusing lol. - I guess the neti neti method could be fun in this way lol. but still it's like... Idk. Idk what to say. so maybe I shouldn't say.

I began it this morning :3 first day of fasting was... well, I was hoping to make it last longer, but my sis was returning from her visit overseas so I wanted to be energetic for that instead of at the end of the fast. I fasted for about 17 hours in total, tho this is counting the sleeping hours last night, and pretending I didn't eat a clementine this morning - I had a snack for breakfast before I realized I'd be doing this I didn't have much planned yet, so I didn't have time worked into my schedule for meditation, but I did take an opportunity to contemplate what hunger is for 20 minutes. I aimed for 30, but... like I said, I am not practiced in meditation sessions yet in my progress. I am currently focusing on more, directly pragmatic things, as I need to actually rebuild my life's structure right now. I confess that I've been kind of unemployed for a while so my priority is in becoming more active each week, taking action. when I work on mindfulness it is During activity. However, To keep with the theme of our makeshift retreat, I will aim for two 20-minute sessions for the remainder of the weekend. Just because I want to not make it a daily habit yet, doesn't mean I can't make it a short term habit every once and a while also.. unfortunately, upon further reflection, I've realized that it would be counterproductive for my sort term goals for me to fast right now. I need extra food intake actually, as I am trying to build my body's health and my general activity up more quickly now than I have been in the recent past. Just, this current 4 to 6 week period (this has been the 1st week) I actually intend to prioritize ramping it up, every day. But as I said, I'll take the meditation half of the retreat, and report such activity here as my form of journalling... surface-level review. But I would be certainly up for a more dedicated participation if we decide to do this again also I take it others may be dedicating more time to meditation than I will this week. but even a little bit is a good start In fact, I might, for my own self, do a meditation "retreat" each weekend - as I said not to focus my daily habit on meditation just yet, but hey, I can practice lengthening my sessions with 2-4 sessions each weekend. No promises yet just a thought. I talk too much lol Pardon Me. hehe

It is odd, I don't really think I have much anxieties anymore. I mean occasionally if I am focused on something such that I am not self-aware, sometimes I can get worked up with stress or anxiety, but if I take a step back and become aware of this and the situation, it dissipates fairly quickly and evenly. I guess there are some things which cause stress. (I used to have too much anxiety, to the point it kept me indoors - so I spent a few years to work on that, already.) I don't think I will contemplate anxiety this weekend tho, maybe some time in the future, I don't want to multitask my focus on self improvement too much. But I have been thinking of trying the Neti-Neti technique. I will have at least one session this weekend. I will also contemplate focus, and motivation. I have not had much of a habit of sitting meditation, I mostly work via mindfulness in application, being mindful while working on a task or while walking. Actually, now I am actually thinking I will make it a plan this week to purposefully do certain tasks I am avoiding as part of my "meditation" journey this weekend I am also considering skipping media sites like this one for saturday and sunday, but am not sure yet. It could serve as a break from the high-focus work I will be doing. So actually, nevermind, I'm likely to be More active this weekend hehe! Maybe next time I have a fasting period it will be a good time to be technology free.

Is there a certain meditation or journalling strategy you plan on doing? I only meditate about a half hour to an hour at a time right now, I am still novice and not able to maintain focus for longer. But I can give some of my time this weekend to that as well as the fasting

as I hear, it is "female" characteristic to experience sexual drive responsively, while "male" characteristic to experience sexual drive spontaneously. basically, men go "ooh look I wanna bang that" and women instead need.. romance, buildup, sensual touch, before they can feel like they "wanna bang that". But really it is just that it is more common according to gender, as it is definitely the case that many people of either gender have either or both types of drives.

well generally speaking libido and sex drive and attraction are nothing more than a self-feeding addiction, and meditation frees us of that. do not worry you will get your sexual excitement back in the long run, in the short run I guess you just take a break from the constant drug dosage you don't know how good something is until you take a vacation from it or maybe, in taking a break you find you don't need it at all I for one am the latter, but I know that others are the former. it's good either way

idk it is a fairly straightforward recipe. but I put in a lot of greens, where I buy produce right now it has a few options of mixed greens so I get one of those and then romaine lettuce too. and then I put in yellow pepper and shredded carrots and diced cherry tomatoes and cheese and hard boiled egg, and it is yummy! oh and nuts too, I have three bags of different nuts, I use one kind at a time but I switch it up each salad. sometimes if I want it spicey I sprinkle pepper flakes on it, or get arrugalu instead of one of the greens.

When I fast I do the one-meal-a-day method. the act of fasting for 16+ hours has certain effects on your internal systems which is very healthful. One of them is that something about the blood sugar process gets reset, but there are some other benefits too. I'd fsat with you guys but, I just bought way too much greens yesterday without thinking straight, so I gotta eat em all or they'll go bad, and eating greens at least for me now requires multiple meals if I want to actually get it all in my body Tho, I could fast for 16 hours each day this weekend. yeah, I'll do that!

generally we are trying to increase our consiousness. has anyone really... found something that they truly say has not been experienced before tho? always it is just... realizing you have an experience, yes? it is just, becoming aware of something which was already occurring lol.

Regarding selfishness - well of course we are selfish. This is essential - without selfishness anything which lives will slowly perish. selfishness is a critical thing to have for all things which grow! Selfishness - it is a good thing, and really, it is actually the very root of selflessness. selflessness doesn't really exist - because in any thing which grows with a community, helping the community is helping the self. additionally, helping the self indirectly helps the community! for example - someone who works to grow enough food to sustain themselves, will have extra which would perish if not eaten - and so if they share it helps the community. So selfishness IS selflessness in a community setting. Furthermore the community itself could be seen as "one self" even if made up of many individuals - and so an individual could think about the community as an extension of themselves - and this will help them act "selfishly" for the benefit of the community's "self"

no, deeper than that. though, that is a start. you conceive that there is a you with this influence. maybe there is no influence at all, maybe no you, maybe the result doesn't occur, all understanding is conceived, and there is zero certainty that any understanding is true. that any "thing" we believe we observe is actually there at all - whether that is a physical thing, or an action, or a concept itself.

generally speaking I prettymuch say the same thing actually. If you are not happy with a therapist, change therapists. but I also generally warn that making a habit of ditching people you don't like can be a trap. so I also advise to try to communicate with people, and be open minded on how you yourself could improve your approach in the future in all aspects. sometimes we are the reason we can't connect with others. of course, prioritize.

I challenge this. for three reasons. the first is that I grew up without any language in my thoughts at all. I just thought in pure concept. that was enough to hold understanding of the world, and bias my opinion thereof. The second is that animals have fight or flight responses. not only that but they learn, learn helplessness for example, or to bite and claw. this may not be a clean example of good from evil, but it certainly is some kind of differentiation of good from bad. what is evil except for a monster? and third because language is what defines, language is nothing more than symbols. it is in the end without any meaning except the meaning we hold to it. all that is needed really is action to create the "form" of good and evil. by action it is revealed what the actor seeks and what they actor avoids.... and that is the basic of good and evil. of course it's possible I'm being more precise about language than you meant, and more abstract about good/evil than you meant. in the end I find that good and evil are transcended, but not removed from conception, to cease awareness thereof is either to find blissful ignorance of it or foolish ignoring of it. when really good and evil are not... err, good and evil. they are just: pursued and avoided. preferred and disliked.

nah, we may have fancy words to attempt to differentiate male from female but really they are two words for the same meaning. dick? bitch? you think it is different but it really is the same word if you stop and think about it. the difference is created by belief in the difference. oh, no this isn't some enlightenment speak, I mean that sometimes words that we think mean different things, we differ them by comparing. saying a bitch is like nagging and a dick like arrogant. but really both are both. we just reinforces the binary by focusing on the ones we feel is more meaningful. but that meaning is only there because we insist! if we actually stop and think what the full meaning of both are - the male and female associated words we try to segregate the genders by - we realize that all facets in either are in both. we bias the words and further the genders by hiding some facets and exposing others. there really are some differences in the end, but they are negligible and small really, when trying to claim that men and women are different. of course, identification and exaggeration of what is feminine and what is masculine is a major role player in our development of our various relationships with our peers of both genders. and we choose our behaviors and possessions, attracted to some things and repelled by others, based off of gender. those are the only real differences between men and women, and they are quite superficial differences.

The only reason I spoke anything at all was so that loreena can feel like she is not the enemy, by seeing my post about how this is just how things go sometimes. it is super awkward. making this statement of course, as you (annetta) can see directly, only creates more drama on everyone else's end who isn't her. I purposefully avoided naming anyone else's names, but there is a decent chance they are affected too, and there is a decent chance that my words do not help enough on her end. if I read this wrong too much then I make her feel more at-the-boot, and if I actually end up antagonizing the situation, than was it even worth it for her? it is an unfortunate situation, but then, it's kinda funny 'cause, this forum is exactly the right place for us to investigate the effects of these things it's actually kind of interesting that it's occurred here. it is often that I have people try to read into my person and make claims on me like "don't you even read posts before replying?" or "your logic is backwards and shows how stupid you are" when I was expressing my emotional response to something. this happens on forums. this happens in real life too. it's frustrating and confusing I gotta say! and we work to try to let these things go. I often in the past have thought people are being mean to me, only to have them confused when I get defensive. such a confusing thing this is, I gotta say! we work to try to let these go.

please understand, I am trying to explain. sorry if my explaining is not very good. I am no good at language. I suck at figuring out how to operate in social situations. but I read them very accurately, enough to say that there are no such patterns. there are never really patterns. our mind is good at creating patterns. some of them are helpful, but many of them give us pains.

PSA trust me I have spent a TON of times on forums of all kinds loreena is scared from what was said to her in this thread. Annetta thought she was clever and smart and spoke honestly, but then faced the reality that no matter how honest and forthright you are, we all are, we face the reality that our understanding itself is warped by the bias of our perception and the context we hold in that regard. to the people complaining about loreena's activity on this forum. I have only been active here for a month I guess, and I can really only remember her and a few others. and IMO loreena is a considerate person who is trying to improve. she's asked honest questions and stated her oppinions honestly, and whether or not any of those have been "lower quality consiousness" or not is, frankly not of any of our concerns. if she asks a question and we can answer it according to how we understand the actualization process goes, well, that is what this forum is for. but, irony of all ironies, by doing anything other than that - even if it is meant to be "honest and straightforward" it is a game. yes, this post is another silly game. but I have both been in Loreena's shoes, and in the shoes of the adversary she is afraid is there in anneetta and a few other of these posters. so I say - do not worry, take a step back it is ok, people are just idiots, yes including me.