alyra

@Socrates I've only read the first and last page sorry if this was already brought up. but here is the catch of "the perfect world" - let's assume it's possible and has not been reached yet. but, we are here now. and it is reached through continuous growth. I presume these assumptions need not be validated? now I refer to the mean value theorem. if a graph is continuous on all points, then all values between the starting and ending value must have been reached at least once! In this way, similarly to change from where we are to the perfection we seek, we must be at all intermediary levels of imperfection at some point. we can even go to the past where we were more chaotic, and see that those too were necessary as well. now where do we stand with this realization? that in order to reach perfection, we must be where we are right now. so in pursuit of perfection, our imperfect path is the perfect way to do it. ah, you claim that we could take a more perfect path? sure it's unfortunate that we backslide at times. but how exactly can we be sure that in the infinite complexities of our localized existence, it isn't necessary to backslide in the specific way we did, in order to grow on many other ways? I'll answer myself here - we cannot know unless we've reached the perfect point where we CAN know. that future we're moving towards at a perfect pace. but wait - what is the perfect form of knowing, outside of directly being that thing which we wish to know? in fact, we must be imperfect as we are now, in order to perfectly know whether or not it was indeed perfect! do you not now see, how there is no true imperfection? the ignorance of imperfection is the perfect way to know it, and the perfect way to transcend it. one might claim that this is all rabble, circular logic, unreasonable faith in imagined perfection. but the illusion of time comes from change, and the illusion of change comes from desire to be what you aren't. reality is as it is, and is When it is. "you" aren't at all - as this requires denying the rest of reality in order to see that perspective at all! but, that perspective is a necessary thing to be in order to be all of reality. the confusing thing really is, how can one thing be simultaneously multiple things which contradict each other? you surely are not me as I am not you! but that is the illusion of self, the illusion of duality. the illusion of locality, of time, of space. in order to authentically be "me" I must be ignorant of all others; and so I am ignorant of that reality where you and I are really as one. Only in my ignorance does the illusion of contradiction exist - and that ignorance is necessary for the knowing of "me" be perfectly held. imperfection is nothing more than the illusion of locality. but that illusion is perfectly necessary for the perfection we wish to obtain; we just must be ignorant to how we are already there, and our belief of time passing is part of that perfect goal. why should we make any effort to change when we are already perfect? because the effort of change itself is part of the perfect role that we enact. the moralization of growth is necessary for us to be authentically ourselves. discovering this simply gives us a more consistent sense of purpose in our role. embracing what we cannot know in our necessary ignorance as a beautifully perfect reality we must live. earlier you've said one must hold good and evil in order to discuss it - in a way this is true. however, as Leo said, one who seeks to discuss good in evil only reveals the ignorance of the true nature of good and evil. for when you've realized the true nature of good and evil, you cease to see any merit in believing in those local claims. in fact, if I truly saw past good and evil, and same with Leo, we would feel no need to even mention those words, nor even to speak against them. but see, this is a necessary stage to be in to reach the perfection of discarding such ignorance! what a fun journey this is full of confusing contradictions!

sorry to post here again but in reflection of the question as well as what I said I've recalled two more things that are frequently on my mind but in not knowing how to handle them as well as in the lack of direct issue in them, I put off tackling them. one is regarding meditation. often people speak of the importance of it because there's something to find, revelation to have, enlightenment. but since I've first been made aware of this journey, I've certainly grown in regards to the self, awareness, consciousness, and nonduality. but not once did I find some exciting, necessary, euphoric sense of sudden knowing, not do I see any reason to expect this - perhaps because I'm more predisposed for these discoveries than most, idk. but I just don't find any reason to prioritize self-inquiry not to look for or expect or even describe the journey as enlightenment. I don't see merit in focusing on nonduality or dismantling the illusion of reality much more than I already have - not because I'm fooled into thinking I've already got these all, no, lol. I can see many ways in which I certainly don't got 'em. but my growth in these engravers advance slightly as my mindfulness work often involves my mind wandering in their direction; I grow naturally in their regard and am more driven to focus on more pragmatic assets to the shortness of my human life such as strategy and focus and motivation, or social skills of various kinds, or etc. I do recognize how the nondual/"enlightenment" stuff applies to all of those endeavours as well, and as I've mentioned I do advanced them as they come to mind in my mindfulness work, but I've no interest in sedimentary meditation and am not sure if that is a problem or if it is a fair call to make. naturally this is hard to wrap my head around it because of the inherent moralization of a decision. but that could just be a silly comment over broadening the term moralization to the point where the way illusion itself manifests is moralization the second thing I'm reminded of is general. it comes up in all endeavours. not knowing how to act because of the discussion regarding moralization, self, nonduality, and moreover the social implications of emotional awareness, skepticism, illusion, and overall holding lines of thought to decide action in the moments and shirt run, but letting go of it outside of application of action. and I'm not sure if these are problems per se as much as a lack of decision-making and focus. and I don't know how I could contemplate the concerns to resolve them, nor if that extent really is necessary. (oh and physical and dietary health) I am sure you'd tell me to just start a meditation practice but that is part of the issue - if I'd meditate it'd be contemplation over strategy, focus and life purpose, not over these, and I honestly don't feel that's a mistake. I'm not convinced these concerns I've mentioned in this post aren't going to naturally be resolved over time with the methods I'm currently taking. I'm not convinced they're a problem so much as a facet of growth. so the true concern is worrying whether that sense of comfort with the discomfort is a trap or an accurate assessment of patience. (naturally I'm not going to debate any response I receive from these two posts, as simply voicing my concerns is the topic of the thread, not convincing you my practical beliefs are anything more than arbitrary choice. and, the act of typing out my thoughts itself helps me handle approaching them, as my mindfulness practice - tho weak during discourse - is present in discourse)

practice, and look to the successes for what to do and the failures for what not to do. realize that you've done this before, and that the only change is that now you have this arrogant expectation that other people care about the same thing you do when most things people can care about are niche interests. you believe you've seen the light but all you've actually found is a geeky hobby. you're at risk of becoming the Jehovah's witness or the high school ubergeek that obsessed over some obscure thing to the point that everyone avoids you because you won't stop talking about an unpopular subject. it may make you happy but don't forget - to each their own, whatever floats your boat, different strokes for different folks. one man's treasure is another man's trash.

such judgement

it is hard to figure out what to say. the main things of concern regarding my personal interests are that, well I am recovering from some serious skill and emotional detriments. and it is kind of confusing why it is taking so long to recover, yet I keep discovering new ways to grow myself... these past few months the majority of my effort has been on my physical health, I could not sit or lay down without pain, but now I am healthier again. Unfortunately the habits I was working on backslided. but so far my backsliding when it happens - each time where it falls too is slightly ahead of where last I backslid too. So this is not the main concern - the main concern instead is, on strategic stuff. I watch the strategic video a few times, should watch it again too. But it is not quite targetting what I am worried over - and the pillars are kind of abstract too - idk. the thing that is hard is IDK what exactly to say, that I am trying to work on. There is this thing sometimes discussed in phsychology called executive fuctioning, and that is what I cannot do, but it seems in my observation that the root cause of my struggle with it is unusual compared to teh typical cases discussed. some thing I know I am lacking are, focus and sustained application of tasks. Focus also in the way where I can't sort out my ideas into a straightforward plan. Certainly my physical condition held me back too - could not work very long before being tired - but that is not a concern as it is improving. I mean it is a concern but not one I'm sturggling with, one I'm overcoming. focus is the one key I need to work out. and generally - meditation targets a certain different type of focus if that makes sense? I should really spend time figuring my own method of meditation which better targets this type of focus - meditation targets staying with one thing on mind, and generally I am already working towards that - but the "focus" that I am struggling with is Decision Making. That I get locked in circular thinking trying to make a decision. This is similar in a way, but when I am mindful it is easy to maintain focus tho it occasionally gets disrupted. but when I am deciding, I can't stay focused. everything is important. In a way it will help as I get better at handling the big picture and the small picture and swapping between those, but I feel like there's something about it that I can't put my finger on that isn't working well. The other thing regarding my current struggles that I've identified but unsure how to approach is, self-efficacy, I think the word is. Anticipating accurately what exactly you can do. Generally speaking I trust that in being aware of it over time I will get better at it, but it would be convenient to have some outside inspiration boosting my ideas regarding this - giving me a boost as I try to figure it out. and certainly, not being focused makes my growth in general harder, as I keep switching between goals between weeks. maintaining a stable output despite lower periods of my week is also one thing I am wondering about. I know you mentioned in one video about cycles being natural, tho you were talking about a yearly scale. In terms of big picture right now I'm working on my monthly big picture. but one thing I realize is that even when in a lower cycle, you don't need to just sleep all day and be mopey - there are activities you can do when feeling worn out or extra unmotivated, and so I try to do them. And another thing on my mind, not really a concern but just the last of my major current focuses. is mindful activity, over sedimentary meditation. I would really enjoy a video about that lol - or alternatively, a video about how to discover and develop your own strategies of meditation. later in life I will take on more regular meditation habits, but the life I'm pursuing is one of accepting the dual illusions as important for the locality of our human existence if this makes sense? I am unsure about this as you generally am interest in being monk-like and hugely push pursuit of enlightenment above all else, but I am instead pursuing a mixed approach. I am not sure if this analogy will hold well for you as it has meaning for me, but I've noticed in many things - and this is especially apparent in the simplified "test environment" of games - that often there are strategies in the game to increase your resource increase. um, to invest in investing itself, rather than just putting X cost into growth, you put some of it into having more growth capable. And - in the limited scale of a game - if you put in too much investment into growth, you fall behind anyway because others just produce the whole time. but otherwise, investing in growth is clearly superior. And so in regards to consiousness - my view and maybe you feel this is a poor view idk lol and tbh I won't be swayed by your rebutal regarding this - you've given plenty in your videos already - but the sage's path is investing more into the growth of consiousness than what I feel is healthy for me to do now. Maybe sometime later in life - perhaps soon perhaps never - I will. but right now, I Need to get a stable footing - to get myself self-reliant instead of dependant on the givings of relatives. And this involves a lot of personal growth - so I need to focus on applicative doings much much more than sedimentary thinkings. So the consiousnness work I focus on is in the moment- mindfulness while I am doing an activity of some kind - and only as much focus on that practice as I can afford. oh that reminds me - one thing I wonder about is how you put down multitasking. I think tho that you speak of a specific scale and I do not speak of that scale. but I do know that I do multitask too much - however it is funny because, we cannot live without multitasking. Our heart beats, our lungs breath, our eyes see. this is multitasking. mindfulness is multitasking - increasing it is opening up more "channels" or "levels" of awareness. IDK. I do not wish to speak of this much as my language to describe my thinking is not developed herein - and likewise, my thoughts are still overall abstract and intuitive, without detailed form, so I cannot even hold them still in a way which -- oh, IDK how to say this. So I will say - I wonder about awareness. In my experience awareness IS thought. I do of course understand that5 choosing labels to mean certain things is important for the health of discourse - so clarifying awareness as seperate from thinking is important in transcending the traps of thinking. However all my life - my thoughts were without words - it was about 8 or 9 years ago now, when I started to work to train myself to be able to read and listen more reliably, and to converse and write with better clarity - and that led to me developing my thoughts such that they did include thinking. I do also not even have imagery in my mind when I think - the only visual I get is when my eyes are open and I am watching the events around me. (or, weirdly, when I dream) but instead my thoughts have always been just in the form of abstraction, of concepts, of awareness, tho I am not confident that in that way the awareness I have is the same precise label that you have. I wish I could have an extensive conversation with you or someone who has spent years working on awareness, regarding the difference or potential similarity between thought. But I notice that when I focus on being mindful of things - that the original form of thought I used to only think in becomes more present. tho of course - the original thought in my life, was not entirely the same as awareness - I was unaware too. it is very hard to discuss this. I have tried many times to speak of how I think with others, and always it is challenging to communicate. But I feel pretty confident that there is no real difference between sensation, thought, "sensation thought" being language/pictures/sound in your mind as you think/recal/predict, and awareness. at their root they are all the same thing - tho of course, in their complexity they differ greatly. Another thing on my mind is the imperative of community over individuality. sorry I need to over explain this to get to my point of concern. naturally this is not the marxist movement that - IDK if you follow him at all - Jordan Peterson is worried over - it is not to say that we should sacrifice individuality for the sake of making everyone equal lol no it is not that. It is complex to write out sorry - but it is like, the first idea to hold is the idea that selfishness is the best way to find selflessness - that to focus on your own needs, wants, desires is the best way to make the community strong - by focusing on the self first, you change your self, and this is one step towards changing the world lol. it is have lighthearted but the point is serious - the point being that the community is composed of individuals behaving as individuals, and it is healthiest when that is encouraged. however - it gets harmed if it goes to far - if the individuals treat each other as competition, commodity, or disposable pieces. Because - this is forgetting the very real fact that Other people can help us pursue our goals. And - other people want our goals too. and - the goals of other people coming into fruition help us in all the ways which we sacrifice goals for the sake of our interests - if everyone specializes, we need each other to make up for the skills we neglect. So - to harm or discard or step on others defeats this reality of communal growth. The second idea to hold in this line is - the nonduality/duality discussion - that the language I use to approach conceptualizing what the infinite, nondual, reality is - is localization of measurement. that the quickest way for me right now to begin to see infinity - and it is definitely still I am a novice in really seeing that infinity, but I often feel as if I get glimpses of it - or of nothingness - they are the same - is to think of how if you zoom out enough all the details fade away into a blurr and eventually it is just - uniformity. nothingess. but on the flip side if you zoom in enough - then there is nothing to see, nothingness. and so it is like math, graph, stuff - how everything is made of dimensionless nothingness, and yet with infinite of that you get something. So - we live in a localized world - the measurements we make are important because we are on this localized level of existence. This is where I bring back the community discussion - The self when surpassed you see that the self is whatever you localize your view onto, whatever you choose to measure as the self - that is what the self is. So if you measure your body then it is your body. if you measure your awareness than it is your awareness. If you measure all your posessions and your home and car, than those things are you. Or - if you measure your community, or the global world, or the global ecosystem, or the solar system than that is what self you are. and so to the concern - the concern is that I see many people and IDK if you are one of them or if in the inexperience of your viewers combined with your word choice your insight is not apparant - but valuing community is the self too. Sacrificing community to become a monk is a dangerous trap in this way - The community could work towards enlightenment - and it is a more challenging self actualization, to have a community self actualization. but much like there is an intuition which guides us as we self actualize on the individual measurement- the individual is that intuition which can guide whatever network that individual directly impacts - and the growth of that network's consiousness influences the growth of the community as a whole - and the community's growth influences the whole world. We could self actualize the world. the world is a self! I am sorry if my discussion does not well encapture the idea on my mind in this regard, and really. it is not a concern I can currently work towards, as I need to stabilizing this individual I call "me" . lol. Then the other concern in a similar line is - oh, I covered it already. not very well, but enough. so let me summarize now. there are four main points I concern over. 2 are more impactful for my individual pursuit in the now - and 1 is, in the now, more impactful for you to ponder if you choose to. only a dream for me to ponder. they are : - my ability to be focussed, motivated, and similar. - my application of meditation via active mindfulness over sedimentary contemplation (I do contemplate but 90% of my consiousness work is in active mindfulness) - the concern of any group or community, and especially any leader, of community over introspective work. at the localization the best thing is introspection - but once meeting a certain stage, there is potential to expend the "introspection" to be a collective effort. idk it is not well formed this idea but I feel it is important to realize. the power of a community being greater than that of an individual. it requires of course the realization that in the grand scheme of things we are nothing, but in the measurement of our community, our community is everything. Accepting the illusion as important, because if the universe is to appear one and nondual, then the illusory waves must behave as they naturally wave. I could speak a lot on this lol but I should try to keep it teaser for the sake of communication. And, I do not expect you to be swayed or not swayed it is just - obvious to me in my understanding of it, that good opportunities to spread the idea is one manner of its growth.

oh also, you can be assertvie AND kind

ignore them, wait for new opportunities for better friends. IDK really how to say. I was bullied heavily in grade school, but that was ages ago. I barely feel as if it was much of a big deal at all. generally speaking what I try to do towards negativity, is just to idk. be thankful of the advice in a way? it's rude of course, the way they deliver it, and loaded in judgment that hazes whether or not what they believe is at all accurate to the reality of our social scenario. idk. Often I notice that my believe that I am being verbally assaulted so to speak, is significantly influenced by my own assumptions. the most obvious examples are when someone says something and I get defensive, then they look startled and taken aback because they didn't mean any offense at all! and the other examples are much harder to see through the illusion. often there is negativity intended, but not the sort that I imagine, if that makes sense - that a person for example might be grumpy and frustrated, but not thinking judgments my way because of it. One thing that I noticed and so always look to advise when someone askes is - the biggest bully has always been me. The thoughts I have are way worse (directed at me I mean) than anything anyone else has said. and I spent some good effort making sure to be able to live with myself - it startles me how much harder it is to do the same with others, however, because their words are less harsh, and I've already pretty much surpassed the threat of my own self-bullying. its an ongoing journy, but I've at this point learned enough patience for it that I feel hopeful I'll grow past it

"logic is part and parcel to enlightenment" duh, nonduality much? awareness is ego. delusion is truth. this is such a silly debate! (and, well, silly is serious) wait, was anything said with this post?

When you are following someone who has a lot of enlightened principles under their belt, but uses their search to lock themselves into unconscious moralization, How do you learn to grow yourself from them without falling for the same traps they have? how do you find what is authentic from what is corrupt?

I am seeking generalistic advice, so I'd rather not mention specifics...

The main method I am using to advance my consciousness is through active mindfulness. I am curious if anyone else is doing this as well. I know that mostly my first goal was in finding what mindfulness is like - some kind of basic grasp of it. Then currently I am focusing on bringing that mindfulness often, frequently, and enduring - to try to keep a mindful sense of my doings in addition to the automatic processing that are unconscious when without practice. And in the long run my future strategy of focus will be to grow that awareness to become more full and less difficult to maintain. In a way to make consciousness unconscious lol - so ironic! But I anticipate that there will always be some next level consiousness part of my effort is working towards doing, in my active mindfulness practice. There is no limit to what consiousness can be, and at every stage so far and I anticipate this is ongoing - there will be a sense of [oh that is easy] and contrasting [oh that that is new, and difficult] with the midway of [hey look, I'm doing this!] I'm curious if anyone else regularly practices active mindfulness like this, tho in a way all forms of mindfulness is yet as one just the general pursuit of transcending unconsciousnesses.

naturally this is just an opinion I present. just words that I ramble through. any belief there is projection is itself a projection. I do not know you, I just know text and respond with some ideas that could be helpful. even if those ideas are fictional for you, that fiction can help reveal what is true for you..

@Shane597 I am sorry if it appears as such, but I am not making any assumption. All that I see is that your discourse is regularly using the word "women" as if that word represents a prize or goal, and am advising you who has asked for assistence on how to be happy with a partner that this discourse represents a conceptual trap wherein you are trying to "get women" - and this in and of itself prevents attaining a persistent, positive connection with a partner long-term. That is just sustained happiness, of which being with one person or another or no one is not the main focus. If you want a healthy sustained relationship with women, men, parents, children. you need to focus on ... well I am not really confident in giving words to show such a path. it is simply a generalist path of self-improvement. well, actually self-actualization is a good way to frame it. and I am not trying to sell some idea that leo or that psychologist in history has, it is just a very useful word to describe the process... of looking to what you can do yourself, to become more.. idk... "authentic" so to speak, IDK. pursuing "women" will only grow your skill in one night stands. pursuing generalistic self improvement will bring wholesome togetherness, authenticity, idk. words are hard to find.

@Shane597 Stop thinking of girls as a commodity to acquire through proper trickery and mastery. Stop thinking of yourself as some entity which needs a girl in order to be happy. When you meet someone who matters to you and you matter to them, then you will be a couple. Until then, all you will find is empty connections. If you need a quick lay IDK how to advise you I am not caring for such things. need a quick lay - there's a bathroom and lotion over thataway.

hehe so I was watching this and he got to the second step and I thought, "well the act of you discarding all your wants IS a want itself - how exactly are you going to discard that want " but then I laughed because - he said right after, "who or what is it that's aware of this sound, or this sight,..." and well - the act of discarding all your wants IS that "what" which is aware of the act of discarding all your wants! Get it?

Oh and - the very first major change to my habits and perspective that, for me, really got this all going. Well, a quick aside - generally there is a lot in my life that I did before these years which helped prepare me for what I did. In general, people grow on their own accord without even noticeing - so what experience you have to prepare yourself for your focus on growth now, could easily be a different set of preexisting skills than what I had to work with. And technically the first thing that spurned on my growth these past few years was watching Leo's video on addiction - I never really felt like anything in my life was "an addiction" but generally spekaing I felt like my patterns were patterns "of addiction" - sometimes I would binge on food. sometimes I would binge on netflix. sometimes I would binge on games. and anyway what leo said in that video that really spoke to me - was the idea that maybe, all addiction is actually just avoidance of what happens when we are doing nothing. thoughts, emotions, etc. and that itself spoke loads to me - because my life was nothing but avoiding the monsters that arose in my mind when I left myself without some kind of engagement to distract me from them. so hearing that and having that "eureka moment" was the major kick start to my self-growth. I'd always generally been interested in self-growth, but I let it be a side task.. on the backburners.. something that just would happen when it happens. for the past three years tho, it was my #1 priority. Ok so now - the first major change for me was the following - first, I realized that the real meaning of "success" was - to live. as long as an organism prolongs its life, it is succeeding. Sometimes it is more successful sure - but the minimum for the organism (for example us humans) to do to be successful, is to keep ourselves going. And so I identified four things that if I did them every day, then I could say my day was successful. (knowing of course that it wasn't an ambitious day, and I would prefer ambitious days - but to keep my day, good, healthy, natural, positive, a success - that was the intent) and for me those four things were: Bathe, Eat enough, Tidy, Brush teeth. even if only the minimum to say that I'd done those 4. The idea was, that for us to be alive and well. overall, we must eat plenty, keep our hygene well, and have a usable shelter. So if in one day all we do is the minimum to sustain that, then that is a good default habit to fall back on in the hardest days. Second, I had a paradigm shift regarding my thoughts - I noticed that, when I said to myself, "I need" or "I should" or "I have to" or similar ultimatums - that there was a truer reality to those statements than that. that no "I" do not need "thing" but instead - it is three ways. there is me, who does the actions. there is a goal, which is desired. and there are preconditions, which must be met to reach that goal. so - I don't need. If I want [goal], then I must [task]. I don't need the task, and I don't need the goal. I just like having the goal, so I feel a need for the task - but the only true need is the goal needing the precondition. I am only the actor which chooses which goals to pursue. Then, I expanded upon that - To start over time, saying "could" or "would" or "want" or "am doing" instead of the ultimatum words "should" "need" etc. To name my intentions as wants I am not obliged to. The reality is - I want them, so when I can I will do them. there's no need to mentally yell at myself for not doing them, hehe. it is like a game or a hobby instead of a task or obligation. and this makes it easier. So those first steps where what made the most impactful changes for me, all along the last few years. even now, those things are so relevant - when I have a bad day, I have something to fall back on that I can trust is enough. And - my thoughts are so free of necessity now, they are neutral and pleasant in that way. I've expanded upon how I say what - it is too complex to detail it all really. but I am very adaptive now with naming my goals and interests for myself. I still am trying to work on setting up a more full day more consistently, and on being more motivated and focused. but that is not for lack of growth - there is just so much I've been working on as well, that these things just didn't get the attention I wanted to put into them (than for example, my neck pain) and the key thing really - is that it is OK. Doing anything at all is better than doing nothing. And whenever I can notice that I've changed, that itself is inspirational.

I had pretty much the same situation myself a few yeas ago. TBH tho - my parents were willing to house me for the past few years. but basically I - I looked to the future and to the past. if I saw something that I HAD done that was stronger than what I was doing now, I knew that I could do it again even if not this day, someday. and If I saw myself worse off than the now moment, then I knew that I had improved since than. I looked back a few weeks about. And I'd look to the future and realize, that the now moment is so small in comparison to where I can go. So that as long as I make it through the now moment and try to do my best, even if my best isn't very much, it will eventually get better. and then I will be glad to be there, to have pushed through the hardest times of my life. and I am glad I am here, to have pushed through the hardest times of my life. at my worst I found strategies to get me by, for the times I didn't have the courage to go wash the laundry (across the yard I'd go) or to buy food (If hungry enough that was enough to send me out) and any day I managed to get washed in the morning, was a better day than the others. The main strategy I had to spend the day was one of avoidance, but also I made sure to find windows of opportunity to face myself and my fears and my anxieties and my stresses head-on and let them be. sometimes only for a second, but I faced it knowingly and to dare to look at it, and also to observe it as neutrally as can be. It was very important that I knew to try to face it earnestly as often as I dared to, and to push myself to grow that daring. Over time I had enough courage to be with my anxieties for several minutes, and I found that naturally thoughts, while at first would be negative, along with emotions - they would tend to move towards positives. because part of me knew that these negative thoughts were untrue. it was not easy to see at first. It got easier over time, over the course of months was when I'd notice significant enough growth to be proud. only a few weeks was enough to see growth enough to motivate, but it took a few months to really feel like the growth I made was a permanent accomplishment. Small steps at a time. Once I started to notice that my thoughts and emotions would actually take a path naturally towards positives, even if that positive was only temporary or took some time to reach, That is when I realized I could grow that too, not just the bravery. So I'd grow my thought processing. I don't know exactly how to explain what happened in this regard, but I can say that now, when I have negative thoughts - they immediately lead into positivity in some way. whether I see the positive in the contrast to the negative, or maybe I have positive emotion but negative thought or positive thought but negative emotion, or maybe it just quickly turns around. That, over time I changed my mental patterns from being self-feeding negativity, to being.. well, that there is new patterns instead. when I think "I should've done this", in the past it would turn to more anxiety and negativity, but now, it turns to - it just moves on to my next focal task, with that knowledge of what I could've done being just a mental note, a chance to grow for next time. It's really a good thing now even. I dunno if I talked of this very well... Another thing that made a lot of difference was improving my general health habits. I saw my doc a few times and some specialists. I found food patterns that give me enough nutrition and calories, consistently - I can even stock pile up, and eat for a week without having to go to the store with my options of meals. TBH one is a big 'ol salad inspired from leo's video, another is a huge veggie soup inspored from leo's other video The third main thing is rice-based meals, which I can really mess around with the recipe to add variety. I have 4 kinds of rice so I can have the rice be in different ratios each time, and I have tomato sauce for when I want that, beans for when I want that, and corn and green beans too, and peas for later. cheese/yogurt for making it creamy. a number of spices to choose from. and canned meat and frozen fish to choose from. I could make it as complex or as simple as I want. The most variety is in the rice dishes, but I also eat about a pint of that each day. I have a "small serving bowl" as a big meal bowl that I mostly use (2 actually) and I have the third floor to myself - so I can wash dishes in my room, using 2 dish tubs (one for rinsing) and the bath's faucet as my water source. I have a rice cooker and a toaster oven. And a small fridge. That's all my resources for eating really and it is enough, probs don't even need all that tbh, you can live off of canned foods and a rice cooker. wash it using a sink. but it's nice to have extra than the minimum. (another of my meal options I go with is sandwiches - usually PB&J based, you can put extras on that too for variety. hot pepper flakes are yum, or bananas, or cheese, are what I usually add to the PB&J) The other thing that made a surprisingly Huge difference, was seeing a physical therapist. because I've had anxiety all my life - and I didn't even know tbh - I had a LOT of tensions in my chest, shoulders, neck, back. I damaged my knees from bad walking too. But the biggest thing was the shoulders - I didn't even notice - but a Lot of my anxiety was actually nothing more than the negative feedback loop between my emotions and my physical condition. negativity led to stress, stress led to negativity, a vicious cycle - and when I realized this a lot of my perception shifted - from thinking that I was hopelessly absorbed in stress/anxiety - to realizing that in just a month I could wash that all away through proper exercise. during that month I was seeing a physical therapist twice a week, and he helped direct me on exercises to improve my shoulders and neck. Later on I started doing yoga, found a good yoga teacher who teaches "gentle yoga" as the class is titled, and helps keep you aware of dangers to avoid, and benefits to focus on. the class is easy and simple, basic poses instead of a lot of complex ones. It is helping my bodies' general health, and I feel more mobile/flexible/strong/capable, physically, from the exercise. I now try to go for two 20 minute walks a day, especially to make sure one is in the sun. That is another thing too that changed my life - was making sure to be awake with light, and asleep with darkness. I always preferred the darkness - and actually too much time in the dark disrupts your circadian rhythm. having good lighting on during sunlight hours is very healthy in this way - and especially if at least 15 minutes of that light is natural light outside. This wasn't possible at first tho. but just the lighting, and doing a calming activity for an hour before sleep, between the two of those my sleep got a lot better, and my energy got a lot more consistent. Another thing that helped my energy was - I made sure to be well fed one day, and then the next day I fasted - only water - it's important to drink plenty of water - but I fasted, no sugar or any calories of any kind. just water. and after 16 hours your body gets flushed of the sugar cycle and a few similar benefits. I did this two times, a month apart, and during that month I worked to reduce my sugar and salt an oil intake. but I actually reduced too much salt and oil, so it took me six months to get to where I am now where I don't go randomly to junk food, I eat only home made meals. but the important thing was the sugar and carbs cycle - this creates a bad cycle in your blood which gives you disruptive energy throughout the day, highs and lows of energy. without the sugar dependancy my energy is so much more consistent - especially on the days I eat salad for 2/3rds my meals. I try to aim to have veggies and no rice for my morning/noontime meal(s), and the rice dish for evening meals. I also make sure I get enough protein - two of the rices I have have protein in them, well I count lentils as rice and I have nuts and either eggs or salmon to put in with my salad. and more too, peanut butter is good for protein.. cheese if you check the label... idk all of it, it's hard to make sure I get enough protein, and also enough fats. if I don't I have serious BK cravings and BK is overloaded with fat, salt, sugar. lol. but like I said it's really only the sugar you need to not have, you do need fat and salt in your diet, but IDK in america it is too easy to load up on simple carbs, salt, fat, and sugar, and too much of those is bad. you technically don't need carbs either but idk I like them in a meal. And generally speaking I am slowly working on everything. I sort of "put anxiety behind me" (well I still get anxiety but it is nolonger a limiting factor on me - it doesn't self-feed and loop and collapse me, it is just a passive thing now, it feels healthy now, as the warning it is supposed to be, instead of the monster it became for me) But now I focus on working on my mood consistency, to not just be "done" for half the week. and on healthy habits, turning my healthy half-weeks in a two week period to full healthy choices almost every day. I'm working on my motivation and my focus and my strategization now. Since this is long I want to reiterate the main thing that made a difference. It was to have patience for myself, to realize that it will take time to grow, and that growth eventually becomes.. permanant... built on itself.. that, for a while it will be slow and hard. but then eventually it will be plentiful and abundant, easy, well not easy as in no longer hard, but easy as in no longer impossible. 'cause the truth is life is always hard - when things are easy we don't notice them, and find a new way to challenge ourself. and that is exciting - it is growth. And with that patience I put forward effort. Whenever I can manage too, even if it is only a tiny adjustment to my mental behavior, or only effort for a few seconds, I put it forward and feel proud of what I do. and if I then go back to feeling miserable and avoidant, that moment of positive effort was good - it was practice - it was exploration - and with that comes growth.

so between numerous role models I follow, including "our" Leo Gura and also (I recommending) Tai Lopez, there is often a message of - study. Reading, research. Certainly I'm intending to pick up a habit of this in the future, of digging into philosophy and psychology and history and physics, however that is not a now-concern... I have other focal imperatives for the nearer future. So I'm not pushing for that study habit just yet. But, I wonder, wouldn't the types of literature and discourse that Leo often criticizes as low-level consiousness, not be necessarily bad? I'm trying to go through my (so to speak:) "spiritual" work through a pragmatic approach of in-the-action mindfulness, rather than one of solemn meditation - I have been in my life spending "too much" time reflecting or daydreaming or gaming, and instead not-doing, so one of my main current priorities is to focus on being pragmatic whenever I have the capacity to be focused and with healthy pose of body (my body atrophy and subsequent weakness from my 3 years of depression), and when my body and/or my mind is not up to that task, I'm more often than not making sure to rest in some way, even to the point that I allow my mind to return into "sleep". this leaves no room for meditation or for direct study. So my idea is - I could be reading fantasy books, watching non-documentary movies. It really is OK. For two reasons - as I move forward in my mindfulness work, I cannot just suddenly be mindful all the time - so neurotically criticizing my consumption of so-called low-consciousness content is silly! just watch it/read it, no big deal. But Also, the thing that I'm very aware of - which Leo and most other role models too, either are unaware of or neglect to emphasize or even mention - is the reality that all experiences in life are just as meaningful in inspiration, worth, good, etc. - as anything else. Well, we sort of do talk about this - but the more precise nature I'm referring to is how: Even a child with no experience, we learn from; Even an addict with full-scale neurosis, we learn from; And even from the addictive medias - we learn from them too. So in this way - when working on mindfulness - consumption of "low consciousness media" has a twofold direct usefulness in our pursuit of transcending our low level of awareness - The first being that it is a good way to practice being mindful of our addictive nature - just because we have these addiction sensations and drive doesn't mean we must avoid that activity, altho being mindful of the self is possible in such moments certainly hard - in that it gives us practice of allowing our awareness to falter and yet still return; and when we can keep ongoing consciousness more powerfully, we can increase that strength. The second being - that with mindful attention to the movie etc for the focus of finding inspiration, with enough practice (and I have a whole life's worth for this specific skill) we will actually discover that literally all things inspire our growth of ideas. Of course, in that, I bank on the strategy that being the monkeys we are is in fact the authentic "self" that we are - tho we can transcend that self with increased awareness, despite the infinity and the nothingness and the nonduality that existences is, in contrast to that absolute existence our "local" existence remains to factually be one of sensation and duality. We may be struck by delusion, but to deny that delusion blindly would in fact be denying the nonduality itself! disclaimer - this has been a discussion of thought from my current perspective. I do not claim any of it to be true or useful for you, and certainly none of it is True being. but these ideas are true and useful for me any thoughts, responses, reflections, piggybacking, all encouraged thanks for reading.

belief and self-image are both often a great hindrance on a person, but don't forget pragmatism and skill. it takes time to discover what is needed to accomplish a task, and while limited by beliefs, this also is limited by lack of experience. but be careful because that itself could potentially turn into a limiting belief

I don't follow... existence itself is truth, in this way all that can be experienced is necessarily True. we may create delusions and in that way when we speak our opinionated truths, those aren't True. but as existence itself is True, those so-called truths are indeed founded on Truth. And if a person only recognizes Truth, to full extent, then to claim that their looking towards a part of reality and seeing no value would be to claim that they do not see Truth in full, as all which isn't True is just an illusion that sits upon Truth, or as outline to Truth. A person who can see Truth in full would look at those illusions and see exactly how they reveal the Truth, and unconditionally love what isn't Truth just as much as what is.

(forewarning responding to title of thread only) I assume you're contemplating whether it is false growth to relocate. so what? if it's a crutch and that crutch helps your too-weak muscle to get some amount of exercise, then use the crutch. It's really in that way, a good thing. the danger is in using the crutch, but forgetting to exercise. forgetting to grow. Crutches and fake-growth are nothing more than viable scaffolding for empowering true growth.

you can see my second bowl in the back hey question - how much volume of a pot do you use? anyone have a guess to leo's vid's pot volume? I used a crock pot of about 4 pints, and idk. I thought the 3/4 cup oil I used is too much - well, it does give enough calories that's for sure, but the flavor isn't to my liking.. Any suggestions on what I could replace it with? one thought I had was cream but... I think I would prefer another option if anyone has suggestions. also a note - since the crock pot doesn't reach the full boil and simmers at a cooler temperature, I ended up cooking it for 4 hours - and the carrots are still IMO could be better cooked.

maybe it is silly to say that the car won't kill us if it bowls us over. but then - this is the believed system we are trapped in seeing right now in our moment of life. and very likely any individual human will believe this with so much certainty that it is true until they die - and that is when you ask, but what is death? Eventually in the infinity of existence, the car and the self with both come to be nothing at all. the faith in them will be broken. and at that point when they are no more - can the car strike the human to kill them anymore? then, it cannot. the belief is no more. this is the nature of infinity, and the ultimate nature of our existence. When we shatter all of our beliefs we will become one with the universe. but in our short life, can we honestly expect to ever fully experience that?

just a guy moralizing a video about not moralizing.

cookin with leo. polite and friendly, and a hint of mysticism.