alyra

and, don't forget to look for opportunity to hang out with them, and opportunities to do something for them. they complain when you don't come to lunch with them, right? they want to hang out! they complain when you are up early? they want some sleep! or maybe are missing you late in the evening! tell them you'll try to be quieter in the morning, or look to hang out with them late evenings on weekends or something. edit: or find some way to do something for/with them that is outside the scope of their sayings. Buy some pizza one evening for everyone to have, or offer to give them a ride a long distance if you have a car and they don't and they need to go somewhere. come up with an activity you think they'd like to do with you and invite them. idk the point is, find ways to be their friend. just looking for how to deal with the clashing directly will inherently involve more stress than any healing you can find, so look for ways independent of the stressors, to have activities with them that bring more togetherness than stress. to balance it out.

@OnceMore it's complex decision to make, that's for sure - the decision on how much to explain, and when to be blunt. "If I get up early I can study in the morning when I feel fresh" vs. "This is just how I do it." "this is what I like" "this is how it is". and sometimes, you need to just listen. "that's an interesting perspective" "maybe you're right, suck it to me if you are lol!" "I wish I could do that" etc. and sometimes, you just say nothing. Realize that when someone is speaking of how you should do this or shouldn't care about that, this is them being concerned for you. maybe it is kinda rude that they're short of bossing you around, but hey at least they do it out of love amirite. I used to get so irritated with my mother. every time I spoke she'd tell me what I should do. I felt like she still sees me as a child. well, she still sees me as her kid and she always will - but anyway. over time, I became more used to her manner of dialogue. I say things differently to her than I would to a peer, because if I say things a certain way she can't help but give advice, but if I say things another certain way she's more likely to listen and not give advice. Especially if I pick and choose which topics to bring up. And likewise, over time I feel as if she's come to notice my disatisfaction, and also come to trust my decisionmaking more, and eventually noticed the growth I've been making - she doesn't look to give advice to me because she's changed too, it hasn't just been me who's changed my habits and assumptions in talking to her. do you see? it is just a matter of time, you notice something that irritates you. this is the first step of it - next you will change who you are a little, and maybe even find a way to express your irritation in a fair way for your peers to listen to it. and regardless, they will notice you are irritated - we can't help but reveal the subtleties of our emotional response. and they will, in wanting to relate to you, learn to trust you more, learn to talk of what you enjoy, etc.

one who travels a lot will eventually find a certain location that is their calling. then they will research how to move there. then they will orchestrate it to be. first there is the unfocused stage of exploration. there there is the stage of pursuit, which requires focus and determination. If you want to move somewhere, both work on your creativity in regards to discovering where you want to go and why that place is great, as well as work on your focus in regards to researching and then acting upon the details of how to get there. it is a lot of work but remember - to do a lot of work, you need to do all the small steps. so focus on the small steps to keep it easier. focus on what you can handle, and to grow that, regularly challenge that limit.

@Loreena @egoeimai @Annetta @Hardik jain for me what worked wonders was just mindfulness in the moment. so much more than that too, but it all boils down to, in a moment, look to what I'm observing with as open and accepting a mind as I can muster. to negotiate with the impulses. I want to lay in bed all day, so I roll over. post on a forum. sit up and look around, open the near blind. feel hungry and so get up. I didn't plan any of that but as I am mindful of myself, the ideas will come. we have suffering to tell us what we desire to change. that inspires us into action, and if we apply effort with consistency, over time we establish healthy habits. even if that effort is infrequent like with Annetta's strat, or if the effort is uncommitted and whimsical like mine. consistency as I mean it, is just a matter of doing something again. and again. even if each time it is different, to adapt to what circumstance requires. (or, even if each time it is identical, to train ourselves)

@Loreena but remember.. the invisible force is the sum of individual actors. the one who thinks dictatorial action will change the world becomes the devil the world hates... just like when we tell ourselves we shouldn't eat the cookie all we accomplish is anxiety. allowing time for the communities to rally together to change for the better is all it takes. it will come - notice how much has already happened to get us the blessings we take for granted. when we have the influence to inspire others into good action, then we seize the opportunity to change the world. when we don't, we must be satisfied with changing ourselves for the better. best to act to what we can affect, and accept what we cannot if only for the time being.

maybe I don't understand life purpose very well but, if it inspires you is that not enough? I really want to move also, at least away from my home town. there are many ways I can validate or invalidate this drive but it remains. that is passion, right? it is true that we can negotiate with ourselves to create passion where we have none, or to diminish passion where we have too much. but why? I suppose if we want not to feel compelled to travel, then there is much merit in working to overcome that. but ultimately we are the witness and the actor of our life. whichever choice we make is valid, so it's a matter of choosing for our own sake as we see it.

all things spoken are incomplete falsehoods regarding what they attempt to convey. (note there is no reason to go into True existence of reality to discover this) let's say that a person claims that a certain animal with long ears and fur is a rabbit. does it live? what color is it? how old is it? etc. there are infinite descriptions which could be said about the rabbit, which leaves details in the dark. and without clarifying them, we are both dishonest to anyone who would assume something counter, such as imagining rabbits are white when ours is brown and sandy-colored, or imagining it is a stuffed bunny when it is actually alive but still. it'll move and they'll jump in fear! we cannot be truly frank without taking the time to describe every detail about something, in fact to a point where our explanations require explanations! and we cannot be fully honest because any shortcut thereof for the sake of efficiency and sanity, will imply falsehoods about our statement that some listeners we become confused about. the way to continue to be honest and frank is to notice that honesty is speaking to as much truth as one can imagine in a reasonable enough time to express it, and to be frank is to speak it in a clear and efficient manner even if that is unsettling. but we are cautious because we don't want it to be too unsettling - we want it to be received, not rejected. we want to find words which speaks to our topic in a way that helps to understand it as we see it. Which our audience can hear and accept efficiently, without too much unsettlement, if it does unsettle them. to do this there is always a way. try to find ways to express the topics without delving into the complex realizations that are difficult to understand, or to express those concepts in a way that the audience can understand it. for example if I speak to a religious person who despises Buddhism, instead of telling them about meditation and looking inward, I tell them about prayer and looking to God. If I speak to an atheist about the Truth of god in all of existence, instead of saying that, I say that all things are existent. or something along those lines. nothing that we say are perfect captures of our meaning. so finding ways to express it is challenging, as a person without the requisite context will misunderstand, and could even become frustrated or angry.

^ lol um.. dunno how just that posted. and, I had nothing to say in actuality.. so.. ignore these two posts lol...

@SOUL

what duality duality is nonduality. this is the meaning of nonduality. yes, transcend the belief. but, before enlightenment... chop wood carry water.. after enlightenment.. chop wood, carry water. edit: you see the yin and the yang. they are a duality. but the yin and yang represents nonduality.. do you see? you cannot have nonduality without duality. you cannot have transcension without beliefs. transcending beliefs is not removing beliefs - just as removing the yang from yin-yang will leave yang behind in its place.

hehe, what duality?

there is no self? there is no not-self! I guess this is nothing new tho.

can you elaborate?

it is duality. to say that there is on one hand self and on the other no-self. to say that there is on one side ego and on the other Truth. to say that there is over there the mind, and over there the universal. these are all duality. As much as there is no self, there is no no-self. as much as there is no ego, there is no Truth. as much as there is no mind, there is no universal. The ignorant is just as authentic as the transcendent. the challenging thing is finding transcendent growth when there is none there at all we like to transcend but, it is just an illusion to claim that it's happened at all

the tricky thing about steps is that they aren't so set in stone. taking a step can be quick for some people, perhaps such that it isn't even noticed - the new understanding comes, but it is as if it's always been there. the steps that we notice are the steps which are more difficult than that - and which steps are how difficult is not the same for all. Thus we say, no path is universal for all. And, when we learn from a master, surely we are skipping steps. in order to not skip steps we'd must sit in perfect solitude forever until we came upon all the insights ourselves. but no, we seek out external insights from those who've had some already, in attempts to skip past hard work, or at the very least to more earlier discover hard work that will pay off.

looking to the world as something which is imperfect, looking at change as if it is improvement, looking to people as if they are less than. this duality is what I speak of, it has much more limited usefulness than what many people believe. I try to speak to it so that people (and myself) can work to transcend that belief. To see how what is apparently less than is just as great as its potential is.

@ajasatya Thank you

I went to a retreat. I learned something I had seen before in life but failed to notice, and was reminded of the importance of another - with that reminder, my understanding of it has grown. it was a religious retreat. a lot of praising God with a capital G, the stereotypical man in the sky. well the large majority of the people there sure seemed adamant that God is infinite, and would look for God in themselves, in moments, in passion, in action, in His creation, in being, in spirit. I said presence a few times, and it was always received with understanding of that meaning. And every time I heard someone speak of awareness, it was amazing to spot how some of them don't yet get how deep that can go, while others did see where awareness can be. So what I learned - The way to introduce mindfulness into community settings, to extend mindfulness beyond the internal look, to the look unto the external world around us - those who are beyond the scope of the awareness we point inward - is to pause and listen. look into them with love serenity and peace. allow your emotions in response to their touching confessions or expression of anger show in your face and body language too. Let them be heard, listened to, accepted, free to speak. Respond with understanding when needed, or to reflect in your words something that shows you have had insight into the perspective they hold. And do not respond to them in any way which is a debate or competition - just listen. and be sure that they feel heard and accepted. this is awareness, no? this is the awareness we hold towards ourselves - a presence of non-judging observation of what is there, no matter what. Easier to do in-person than over the net. no nonverbal ways of showing we've listened. The thing I was reminded of - was the necessity that we do grow in our lives. It's inevitable - and there are many ways to focus on growth directly, as well as ample opportunity to stumble on it without expecting. That, all stages of "illusion" is nothing less than one path towards Truth. That, to look onto what is strange with distaste hides the reality that the necessity of facing darkness to see the light shatters the duality - dark and light are as one - suffering and truth are as one - that which we look upon with distaste, is itself the truth - and we blind ourselves to it. The child is our past, and we could not be here without her. The angry is our past, and we could not be here without it. The evil is our past, and we could not be here without it. When we look onto others and say, "oh you are not wise now, so I have no use for you" we are showing how blind to Truth we still are. Because the shadow is nothing less than the light.

an empty bowl is useful because it has potential. a full bowl is useless because what can you do with it? The adult cannot come to be without the child. the buddha cannot come to be without facing life in ignorance. something which is perfect never was imperfect. if it was, then in the necessity that the imperfect state exists in order to attain perfect, makes the imperfect state perfect. time and space are both illusory. we move about in this world only observing the duality of change. we can never look at a moment as it is itself, only the differences is what we can observe. we become blind to perfection because of this, as we are fooled into thinking what was is not what is. But all which was, all which will be, all are. and what is still is not the limits of infinity - because infinity is not something which can be attained, if it can than it is finite. and what is finite is what is - what is infinite is what does not end, that which isn't. naturally, that which is cannot be attained either, as we can only see the differences the change. so that which is is also infinite. Do you yet see? imperfection is the illusion that we can see. the change. that which is attained. of course, once attained, it is existent to us - and immediately lost, as we can only see the change. the past is a memory, and is one with the infinite. the moment is the only thing we possess. but without the moment we have no knowing of those infinities. That which is perfect is the world, the way it is, no matter which way that is. What is imperfect is all which we hold regarding the world - but the world itself, which we can never attain, is perfect. this is the paradox of our dual existence in the world. the challenge is in finding how to access infinity with the imperfection of our limited knowing. We seek out this knowing, the awareness of presence, because it is the only way for us to access the infinite perfection which is all around us, within us, our true self. In order for the infinite to be existent, it must become imperfect. but even that is duality. our search is full of paradox, is it not?

I learn from all experiences. whether I am with a buddha or a lost soul. Being blind to the value of the inexperienced is just as blind as being blind to the clairvoyant.

keep looking and only find new questions. look at what they already know - and still find it fantastical. this is the truth of scientific understanding It is what drives the most passionate scientists.

^ what duality - see the ego as one with the authentic.

I have found that wisdom can be found from any opportunity also, yes right you are right @Annetta. I have a habit of reading negativity without pausing to noticing the simple divergence. passion in their emotion masks that truth, when passion is nothing more than passion! whether that passion is hate or love or anything else too, it is just the level of how much they care about which they speak. and that passion could be coming from anything hiding under the surface, and not my responsibility to dig out hm... if called for we can give wisdom. if not listening and acceptance is the true path - it is mindfulness between people, external mindfulness beyond ourselves.

the saddest thing I see in america is the obsession with "chronic" meaning "permanent" when it only means "ongoing" people sealing themselves into learned helplessness, not even trying to seek growth.

lol at this threaD? why all the hate? I follow Teal. Often I skip over viedeos, only watching the ones that I find to be gems. but oh wait- the same is true of leo gura. and Tai lopez. Y'know I spent a weekend at a retreat for the religion of my parents and I was very inspired by all the wisdom I was hearing from amongst the folk there (mostly elderly there) - In General, us silly humans stumble upon wisdoms as we grow in the world. and once it has been seen it can never be unseen. Sure, we often struggle with many many illusions that trap us in the lower self for those few specks of wisdom, and y'all's fantasies of finding the one true path which cascades wisdoms onto you all at once when e'erbody else goes the slow, useless way - are very inspiring for you - but - if you reject a teacher because you don't get some of their habits or teachings, you've rejected a teacher who has found wisdom already of deeper detail than you have. Have some humility lol. [/totally not humble]