alyra

yeah leo's pretty smart for pointing that out to me I admit it was something I'd accounted for at some point in the past contemplation of the topic, but at the time of our discussion it wasn't on my mind.

Just a quick thought I wanted to write down while it's on my mind as it is now. I'm currently watching leo's "why people seem crazy" vid. He's starting off talking about dismantling your "sameness" model - that you, well, that most people operate off this model that all people are the same. So I'm wondering -- what is it about this that I'm not really agreeing with? it's in my mind abstractly, intuitively, but not in a way that I even know where to grab at it. but then leo says "[negate that] most people are basically the same" and that's when it hit me. so, the sameness that I see is not the sameness of an apple = an apple, it is the sameness of an apple = an orange = a tomatoe. the'yer all juicy plant produce. therefore, they're all the same! see! this is my version of the sameness model that I operate off of. and naturally maybe I should dismantle this model but what I have to say for now is - if you use any model to model humans, use a 80/20 model. or maybe, a 90/10 or maybe it makes more sense to see it as 98/2. let me explain - assume that 20% of most humans make us 80% the same. and 80% of us make us 20% different. not sure if that will "click" for others as it does for me - perhaps in discussion I can better explain my vantage in this for inquisitive, or others may have their own thoughts to contribute on the apparent sameness of us humans. we're both the same in many ways but differ in many ways - and it isn't right to assume that all people are exactly like us, even if many of them appear to be on our page.

(context in spoiler, if needed) I better worded the thoughts of my OP on the youtube: (well I'm editing it to be better worded): and furthermore you could say this apparent sameness - the sameness model - is how two people relate to eachother (most of the time). As Leo details in the video - it is more accurate to find the difference model - and then what I am adding to that, is to notice how the similarities - the sameness - is there, and when we relate to one another, dictates the majority of that interaction. I look for that sameness when social with others - but I always have a skeptical mind of it we are not really the same. we are just interacting on common grounds. (not to claim that I'm super amazing or anything I'm not this is just my thoughts on the subject)

I'm scared and dunno what I'm doing. anyone else feel the same? sharing time! I'm always seeing things that are too big to tackle. I try to focus on the things I can change right now, but yet I'm always pushing those untenable monster into my field of view. I'm lost because. this is harder to explain, huh. I just don't get up and take action when I know I wanna. doesn't make sense. I search for some reason to bring it all together. but reasoning just is a fog. should I even post this? what validity to claim it's not just a request for attention? I should just lurk and never post! what am I to think the things I say are anything more than my own personal bigotry? time to get up and go for a walk, I guess. takea bath and face the day. ps. giggles that scared looks like sacred

@Epiphany_Inspired ah thanks for the explanation! something to think about for sure

Maybe it is difficult because, the fundamentals/basics are what I want to be working on right now. But I am getting responsibilities I cannot handle dumped on me. And they don't appear to have anything to do with The goals that I want to be working on. It feels like i am in an anime or something lol - thinking I've got it going dandy and then some big baddy I shouldn't be able to even dream of handling corners me and has me coughing for breath and bruised and battered. Lol, is this the hero's journey I thought it would be more meditative, yet here I am facing it in my pragmatic-based journey. I noticed today/yesterday I was more able to approach problems before I couldn't even comprehend right. I didn't really solve them but - that's an important change! It is like staring at a wall brings you a hammer. I guess that I am indeed more closer to intuition than the average monkey in this world. I feel lucky, to have found some crucial strengths back in an early age - even tho I didn't understand what I could use them for until last year lol.

thought of somethin more, sometimes It s helpful for to do.... the thing.... now I forget it... er, was it to work on finding action in the face of unmotivation? or maybe to feel comfortable with uncertainty? I often forget about those things too. more often really. maybe I should write it down. I probably did. I randomly find notes from past realizations, hehe they're helpful. then they get lost in my piles of papers n things everywhere again. I am such a mess. clean my room, clean my world! (bad Heroes reference) tho I guess despite feeling lost, since the first posting here I've been finding things to do. facing the uncertainty, finding action despite it! I'm so proud of myself (she lies to self) (except now smiles without intending) (wow aren't emotions fun ) ok seriously I post on forums too much. hopefully I'll see y'all tomorrow and not before

it's so confusing to look back and wonder how can you changed? you clearly didn't! and yet sometimes I look back and it's so obviously different? I swear my mind has a mind of its own. and it don't has my best interest in mind

@Epiphany_Inspired why do my memories so inaccurate then? I struggle to hold onto what's what.

I'd suggest finding time during the day to meditate and/or do yoga. or, let go of the need to practice to such an obsessed point. dangerous of that addiction is what's keeping you at it, in respected to returning to the habit later. I don't meditate right now because I spend too much sedimentary time as it is, so I practice mindfulness predominantly. If I got the resources to and remember it, in any activity I do I just work on being more aware. and I chose a strat each week to use in my choices to focus on growth of some kind - for me most often it's focus, patience, or taking action.

I liked neti, neti for that.

mostly, what leo said. one thing I did notice however, is that the closed environment of a videogame is a great place to be representative of a large variety of concerns of contemplation. to a certain extent - videogames can be useful. of course - if you're practiced enough with meditation, meditation can perform that role as well, and more authentically. tho - when it comes to considering the relevancy of the existence of others, there will be ways in which interaction is necessary, which meditation alone is limited in revealing. but understanding that is tricky, so I dunno how to explain it well, for I do not know what therein I've got a right idea about and where I'm still falling for traps. I just know that the belief that looking inward is the only relevant thing in life isn't true - tho is a necessary point to make to reveal the validity of meditation... (i am digressing... )

"am I self actualized yet" yeah but look theres area over there where you can self actualize now! isn't this exciting! notice what you got so far. notice also, that it is not all things don't let Leo bully you into forcing yourself to grow when you're happy with what growth you've made if you want to improve, then self-actualize. if you feel satisfied letting go of self-actualization once you reach so much growth from it, that's completely ok.

the world is not constrained by such rules you're projecting upon it

be careful because nothing is black and white. sometimes it is bad to solve internal problems internally. sometimes it is good to solve external problems internally. the trick is realizing that there is no problem there is no solving. there is no real difference between external and internal. they are all placeholders we use to fulfill a purpose we attribute to existence. it is in our nature to attribute purpose to existence. embrace that. practice any of the four things mentioned in the opening post that you aren't doing - just to explore its power and its weakness. that is - when you have the focus of effort available to do so focus on what you find to matter the most - even if it is hard - but don't obsess over how much there is out there to learn. because there is too much for any human to fathom. we are finite experience within infinite possibility.

could try to open to a random page and reading from the middle of it. read a paragraph, then repeat the whole process. maybe even switch between books.

why is it that in the hero's journey the hero gets the girl? is it because we don't have to go it alone in the end - internally we may face it alone but when we look around us there's somewhere there supporting us as best they can? perhaps romance is one way but if there's romance, than there are others too. there could be a whole community there to have our back. we don't face the journey alone - we just have to face the trials alone. but of course, "I" is nought but perspective. the firm is "I" the family is "I" the community is "I"... etc. we learn first to negotiate with ourselves in the journey, internally - we must learn how to face it alone. then we look externally to find that we are not alone at all!

patience is certainly hard, I'm working on it myself. it's funny - i don't notice I'm growing either, I just think I'm stuck where I was. the changes are subtle but they're there and they accumulate.

this guy got a good bit to say about nutrition that could be a helpful watch to people iterested. basically the idea is that what your body needs is individual to you, so blindly following popular diets can easily lead you down a harmful path instead of a healthful one. so instead you should listen to your body, and experiment with diets for the short one to discover what fuels you best.

*points at you* there you are I found you! see? you are right here right now. you are a mind, you are a body, you are suffering and you are bliss, you are your home and your family, you are your town your country the world you are the universe. you are I. you want to stop suffering - I suggest accept it, not in nihilistic glee no. but realise that you have coexisted with it before and yet you remain while it fades in and out of existence. so just allow it to be, notice it but as an observer. be patient with it, meditation at its core is just patience and attention. if you can't exercise that through meditation, practice it whenever you remember it. when you brush your teeth, wait for a meeting, in the moment. over time it will strengthen.

what works for one person don't work as well for others. and anyway all the videos are really the same. gotta start doing your own work rather than depend on Leo. I mean yes he's got a lot more insight than you/me but his videos aren't magic pills that deliver enlightenment, they're kicks in the butt. to shake your reality.

a degree is like survey results. it is something we choose to show or not show to bias others into believing into us. or at least to attempt to. but idk the thing about personal growth - the proof is when I build relationships with ease because I've got a personality that people authentically enjoy. and no wait really even that is not important - the degree is my own experience. I cannot share that in any way, there is no authenticating it, at every point in the journey I feel like I am at a great place and then a year later I think wow there's no way I could've imagined getting here. and yet look, there I used to be, and here I am now. A degree is useless to me in this way. it is a paper that becomes outdated quickly.

theres still time but if there is no purpose, we all still push forward. you still push forward. purpose helps but why need it? if there is no purpose, does that really make any real difference? dare to sit down and contemplate that. or walk, I like walks. there is reason for why you always keep going without any purpose. find that, because it is there. I have never felt like I have purpose, and yet I still wake up, get up, eat, and act.

I believe I am human. I believe I am living, and therefore exist on this world. I believe of course, that existence is situated physically chronically. Therefore I believe also that I require food and liquid sustenance, as well as to generally maintain my well-being. And, I believe that there is little concerning detriment for continuing to believe in those beliefs. wait, hold on, why did I want to post this? there was a question in all this, but I forgot it. not really an important question lol.

as a kid I was heavily bullied and "toughened up" and stopped crying. then, now, I haven't cried in over 10 years. this weekend I managed to shed two tears for the first time in forever... only two... I cried for the first time in 10 years about 4 months ago... and rarely was "crying" even one full tear. at best, a trembling outcry. usually dry. I want to let it all out again. and I want to be able to cry freely, whenever the mood calls for it... whether they are tears of joy, tears of sorrow... tears of anger or pain.. tears of love... any advice on how to go forward with this? I want to cry again.