alyra

the person in the mirror doesn't look familiar. I look in it every day and then I look away. I don't have any expectation of what "I" looks like, but well except that it's an image I've seen before. but I never feel like that is someone that I am familiar with. the reflection shows me a stranger. I only recognize the nose and sometimes the eyes. I used to have the hair but i cut it short so thats no longer a feature to recognize "me" by. I dunno if this is a problem I need to become familiar with my image. or if it isn't a problem I need to stop expecting it to be rewarding and just expect it to be irrelevant to me?

ooh, ooh, this makes me think! thank you. yeah, babysteps hah, that is the current plan and has been for a while. I guess I am getting impatient for results, and not seeing what progress I have made, and not focusing on the progress at-hand to make. @BjarkeT thanks for the referral I'll give em a watch this weekend.

hm, maybe I am getting distracted. I do not really understand everyone's obsessions with wanting to me, wanting is a combination of thinking about a thing, deciding something, or taking action. I would not call the impulses that I let compell me to engage in low-consiousness work wanting... it just isn't imo. but - maybe that is the reason I don't "wanna" do it. I should work on that with more priority.

i would love this! I think joe would too - well he generally loves chatting with his guests!

I am sure that you have had more phenomenal experiences than I have! I have had some experiences of enlightenment in my life. and they are great when you have them! but I've found that the majority of my life is lived without that fleeting euphoria - and it is an altered state of mind. even if it is not comparable to an adrenaline rush lol there really isn't anything comparable. but - the after effect of such a new experience, is to look at the world ina different light. and I find I accomplish that without a need for pursuing some kind of high I tease of course as you say, you live your life and I live mine. Maybe some day I will be more alike to you than I am now. but until I've found a stable existence instead of my current monkeymind life, I won't be too sure what that'll be.. . a question - I know many tricks that do work to get me to take action, and many practices that I would love to take to practice mindfulness and focus. but, I keep having an interest in low-consciousness things - what is your favorite trick to spark a change in your interest when you want that change in the moment? nothing major and no magic bullet, of course. but, for example, sometimes I just think, "stand up. look around. place my hand on something." and that gets me going. changes my interest from the distraction to a goal I do want. is there a favorite you practice for yourself? a middleman of sorts, an appetizer.

leo you're obsessed! this passion of yours is your dedication and you're adamant that it is true. but it is true for you. We can only speculate that the others around us have similar existence to our own. we in the limits of our consciousness can't share that experience - unless there's some secret you aren't sharing lol ;P you've said before that you can be a bird. but i doubt that that is so true. a bird does not know what it is like to be you being a bird. the bird only knows what it is like to be the bird being the bird. see? so anyway. dedicating my life to your obsessions aren't going to cut it for me. maybe given enough time of growth, I could find myself following your path as much as you dream of sharing it. but, I should not feel as if your reality must be mine too. would you agree with that? I am asking out of curiosity. you have so much efficiency to your speaking. I want to meditate more than I do. but my priorities are on other things for the time being.

I am unsure about your specific circumstance, it does not feel real to me, this is the way the life of others are to me - it is their life and not mine, so I would trust their decisions and intuitions over my own - when it is for their sake. but I have a lot of difficulty with unexpected circumstances. Right now the thing I'm working on to see if it helps dramatically, is to think about humility. when I am alone with my thoughts, I feel powerful and godly! but when others give me their thoughts I am stubborn and rude. but, the reality is that there are many ideas and observations to be had out there, that I couldn't dream of stumbling upon. but someone else might come along and give me such a thought or idea that inspires my discovery of new things. If I am never humble, then I will only learn at a predictable pace. but when I am humble and hear something novel, it is liek a dimensional leap in my reality. naturally tho - there are things to be said that aren't so important to listen to. there are times when people are angry or frustrated and say something that isn't so meaningful as their emotions blind them to be. so it is at our best judgement of when to listen, and when to reject the words of others. from some of the language of your story, it sounds like you felt kind of manipulated and threatened by his words in actions. intuitively due to that alone I would recommend attempting to ignore what he said. maybe there is insight to be found from his biased advice, but it would be too difficult to sift through and you feel too concerned of negative aspects of it - you won't want to let his behavior bring you to doubt yourself. You have made it this far so you're guaranteed to be doing something right. I have two short stories to speak of. the first - when I was in high school, one time. some guy told me randomly in a class, "you always smell!" with quite a rude tone. that has haunted me ever since. I am always worried about if I smell. but at the same time, if no one ever said such a comment to me, I wouldn't know if my heigene was poor. the fear of his words is a positive motivator when it reminds me to pay attention to heigine. it is the primary driving force of such things. it is try that too often I let it bring worry and doubt, and bully myself into staying in home some day when I skipped a bath and feel kinda lazy. but more often than not, I feel proud and confident after I've bathed and brushed my teeth and etc, because I know I've done a good job of it today. the second - in my first job. I went at the pace I liked. it seemed to work. I thought I was doing good - I was learning and I was providing output. I'd talk to my teammates once a day casually when I needed a break, and we'd have daily meeting in the morning and I'd reveiw with my mentor in the afternoon. everything felt fine! one day the project manager of our department, the manager of i think 5 teams, ~24 people. he came by and gave me a review - after 6 weeks he said - wanted to see how I was doing. asked me if there was anything I was concerned about. I said everything was good. he seemed a little as if he didn't expect things to go so simply. and that was mostly that, there were some other things we said but i forget... but then about a week later. someone came by and asked me to come meet with them. and I got fired. and then I suspected - i wonder if the person came to me to try to encourage me to change? that, there was something I needed to do to be better. and didn't know it. My uncle told me once - in the business world, too often they can't put trust in you to be amazing. it is less risky to let you go and cut you off if you aren't up to speed. they'll give you so much of freedom before they give up on you. I personally don't get that. if someone has a problem with my performance, well, if they tell me I'll figure out how to improve it pretty quick. and if they don't tell me, well, I just won't know about it. To me, it seems like an unhealthy relationship, to have someone be frustrated with what I'm contributing to our partnership, and not tell me. to let it bother them all the time - burden them - when it is easy to make changes when aware of conflict. I wouldn't want a boss who doesn't tell me what concerns him. at least - I'd ask them if I suspect such a thing, and trust them to be honest if asked a direct question. I am! that is what I'd do I guess. I'd go back to the guy with a few questions practiced or written down, and ask him about if there is anything I can do to improve my performance. or, I guess, if you don't like the attitude he had, look to someone whose attitude you do like, and ask them instead.

@IVONNE there are certainly folks 40 and older who return to school to learn something new, a new trade or skill or field of study etc. generally speaking, no it is never to late. but - look at your life and your resources. would continuing school ruin your fniancial stability? are there opportunities already you could pursue? etc. there are things that are relevant to you, that are not so relavant in generally speaking, that will affect the potential of your decision. let those guide you. Expecially the most important one - your own preference and decisionmaking. what is it that you feel you want. become familiar with your intuition.

lotsa things! advice! not just to the answers i question but also to the answers other people question. did my grammar suck there? I am tired. lol at me.

hello i have not taken any sorta life purpose course btw so i'm no expert on what sorta thing "life prupose" means but anyway i always have felt that there is no purpose I want in life so it was confusing and frustrating but then i found someone's or a few people's ideas point the way. i am paraphrasing with my words what meaning i have found from those improtant words but i would say - it is for i've found - that it is not necessarily "a life purpose" that "belongs to you" but it could just be "some thing that gives purpose to life for you" I dunno if that is clarified so i will say it also this way - what i understand of it - that what makes me get up today and act today is purpose. and what is that? and so the idea is to find some core fundamental thing that is driving for you and is consistent over the course of years rather than a small scope like a few hours or days. For me at the time being the purpose that drices me is finding stability in my independance. but that for me is something I hopefully will fulfil within a few years. so maybe there is some silly ol' "my life purpose" out there for me to discover - but if there is or if there isnt, either way right now I have purpose that I am dreaming of and moving towards and it motivates me to act the way I wanna. so anyway that is for me, what my life purpose is, at least for now anyway. maybe I will find new knowledge in this line and well generally we are always learning.

actually I am often drawn to people like musk and leo and - well not so much tyson 'cause he's pretty arogant and too focused on making fun of religious folk lol. But the level of thinking they have is astounding - I want to be there, talking to them, exploring their thought process, trying to keep up with it - maybe I can, I wouldn't be as knowledgeable tho. but in my ignorance I'd have exploration - and I'm a natural intuitive thinker, so I'd jump around on them and come up with thoughts they hadn't yet, some of which wouldn't matter and would seem kinda silly and that'd be embarrassing. but others of which would make them furrow their brow in consideration or even raise it in surprise - and then I'd know I was worth talking to.

I think that when you're someone with Musk's level of vision and analytic thinking, it's depressing to try to connect with others because you're always thinking about stuff they aren't talking about. you always sorta have to "dumb down" what you're pondering when talking to people. Tho, it is arrogant to say it that way - and you know it - because they are worth their life just like you - but you just are thinking on a higher level from other people, and they don't follow you in conversation, and it can be frustrating. I can't really speak as to what Musk was referring to about why he doesn't think his life is as great as it sounds. But if I were in his shoes, that is the reason mainly which I'd be depressed. I already feel that way and it's confusing because I'm not at all successful... so really it is not that I am intelligent, but instead that I'm too neurotic. and maybe that would make such a position of not meeting people who think like you different than what I described, more ashamed. but idk. I just wish to be fulfilled with these thoughts, but the pacing of anything I interact with feels too slow. again, I dunno if this is what Musk might face nor do I even know if this concern is reality or just some strange belief I've fabricated. But it's one of the things that I struggle with myself, which would effect me more greatly if I were successful - I'd accomplish all these exciting things and the exact reason why they're so exciting for me isn't shared by the people who take advantage of the free lunch. If I'd have fame with people coming to talk to me like it happens with musk... the game I'd be playing is figuring out how to play the game of what the people are talking about, to both piggyback their questions and impress them. and that's kind of inauthentic, inherently. it's a compromise that feels immoral to do. I would try not to think of people as pawns but they'd essentially be that - because they are too busy caring about things that are superficial and shallow. While I'd be caring about complexities and future possibilities to a deep, intricate level.

what things I want.. well typically they happen to be something I don't have. but wait that's not true I still want it when I do have it. I want things I guess 'cause I'm thinking about it, what's on my mind? what I want right now is to understand why I don't like posting. so that's what I'm thinking a lot about I guess I get distracted from it when I read a post but then also I kinda don't want things when I'm distracted. I only want things when I'm just idling. but then this is just me and this is just the random idea I had in the now moment. but at least I'm posting lookit me being brave like I wanna.

hello friends, is there something that halps consistently center you to a regular morning? I don't want to hear your whole routine lol, or some abstract answer like "meditation" lol. I'm wondering - is there some action, or some goal, etc, which is the pivitol factor to your morning routine? for exmaple, maybe opening the shades or coffee is what gets you started. or maybe, it is imagining yourself all buff, or remembering your life purpose, which motivates you to do your routine. or maybe it isn't any of these - maybe there's a lot of tricks you keep in mind, or maybe there's no real trick to it at all? please, feel free to say whatever it is that really gets you centered to have a consistent morning.

I use reasoning to avoid negative emotions, but well I don't use reasoning to create positive emotions. I've been assuming this ain't some trap of logic replacing intuition, but is it? some advice is appreciated. hm, maybe the fact I came here to ask instead of meditate shows fear of using reasoning in a way, but idk no no it's not that. I came here becuase I want perspective that isn't mine. I can contemplate this naturally but having thoughts from others is something I value too.

yeah like. .. "low consious" enjoyment is totes ok to do if you need it. if you find it troubling to the point you need to not do it, then go ahead and don't do it, but if you can be present while playing chess. then be present while playing chess. and sometimes imo but maybe I am unpopular for this one.. it's fine to slip into the allure of loss of consiousness from the thrill of a distracting activity of some kind. it ain't gonna kill ya! if you want to not do that go ahead and don't let go. but not everyone is going to be a buddha master. obsessively avoiding low-consiousnes is its own bad habit.

eh imo thoughts are just thoughts. they aren't necessarily true or false, they aren't you. I've had some pretty scary thoughts in the past but they were just thoughts. they don't make me who I am.

sounds like a good learning experience to me. we aren't isolated y'know, we're a social people. talking about other people, talking with other people - these are ways to learn and grow. what does leo do in his video? he talks about people. well, he imagines what someone might be, and talks about that person falling for that trap. maybe you don't like what the people you're talking about are doing. isn't that a good learning experience? maybe you are jealous of what those people are doing! isn't that a learning experience!

thanks for the share!~

don't ask why I triple post. I'm a bane to boards. but I also remembered - just because what you understand is your truth, don't mean it's someone else's truth. I heard it said by one of the "Sages" so to speak I follow, forget who it was, who said - we all live in our own version of reality. it is as if we live in our own universe, and they only interlap with each other when we interact with each other, and then it's still kinda not direct, the way the universes overlap. (i may be paraphrasing a lot)

also, stop thinking that other people aren't enlightened. just because someone doesn't walk the path you walk, don't mean they don't find True knowing in some way. there is infinite "Truth" to be learned out there. start noticing when "uncosnious" people already found something novel to show you - and they show it to you everyday! it's quite beautiful really.

why do you care what they think of your decisions? are your decisions secretly their decisions or something?

is this an saying? hehe it is a silly saying, you spin things already spun 'cause if you stop friction will slow the spin down! see? just 'cause you reach enlgithenment, doesn't mean you need to stop trying to reach enlightenment. isn't that novel I am weirded out by the deepness of the thing. actually I am not. I tried to come up with a one-liner to close my comment but all I had was a derp.

I was thinking this morning about growing up and how if you're feeling like you belong with a certain group even after you've matured age-wise past that group, that that should be a sign that you're missing something that is usually found during natural maturation. etc. not super important in and of itself but - then I realized, can't the same thing be true of any thing that we learn from? say we claim that some movie, or book, or role model from the past, is always teaching us new things. for a certain extent sure you'll keep learning from them each time you revisit them and that's a great thing - but in the long run of it, you think and realize. if you always are learning from it, then you've never matured beyond that point! To believe that something is eternally going to be what you learn from - that is not the reality of it. In the scope of a human life maybe sure, we die. but, this is not to speak of the power we have to grow from example, from the experience of others in addition to our own experience. So it's certainly plausible that some people learn from this text/etc that we've put on a pinnacle - at such a rate that they'll learn all the things we've yet to learn from it faster than we've stumbled upon the small percentage we've found so far! We could be that person! This isn't to claim that it's bad to always learn from a text. if we're learning from it, we should keep learning from it. but sometimes our belief that the text will always teach us - will hold us back from seeing the leap we're missing. Because once we've reached a certain point of learning from a text, the only purpose in holding onto it is either to externalize memory, or to advise a good text to others. We should find a new text/etc to inspire us. ps. another reason to hold onto a text/etc we've surpassed, is to hold onto the possibility that something you haven't learned yet will unlock new secrets hidden in that lodestar.

(note that I haven't yet done the life purpose course) I realized this morning that, life purpose doesn't have to be your life purpose, aka something unique and singularly outstanding. It can be something that gives your life purpose. Aka, something that falls in a category of "things I really wish I was a part of, even if is small in the grand scheme of my life" I do not feel like I have much that single-handedly encaptures all the things I find meaningful in life, and struggle to imagine how that even is worth chasing. Sounds like a quick path to stagnation but when I can identify various things that give outstanding purpose to my sense of action - well not in so many words. ideas in my head are quick, abstract and whole in that way. describing it kills the beauty of the simplicity of understanding but basically right now I want to build a game in the same genre of a series I've loved. and other projects, but this one's been on my mind the most recently. But I have been frustrated on my inability to make any progress towards that goal at all! but then today I realized that this game itself doesn't have to "Be my life's purpose" it can just be the purpose that I focus on. It has the potential to drive my growth in fulfilling my plans, in actually doing the tasks I set out before myself. something i've been struggling with growing. so I'm pretty excited!