Menko

@forest Thank you. I have been taking medication for 7 days now as I was very hopeless and suicidal. I hope it will help me to overcome depression, and I think spirituality will be a part of that too - letting go of fear is something I think is going to be important.

@Damien Thanks for the response. I agree, I have done nothing much the past few months, just meditation and learning about self-development. But I feel that I'm going to be in a better position if I pursue some of these goals than if I wait forever for something to happen. If this career path doesn't work out then I'm only going to be closer to finding my life purpose, with experience of what I do/don't like.

Hi all, I'd like to get some feedback if possible on my current situation and how to proceed. It would be too time consuming to post my entire life story but I'll try to be as clear and include as much as possible. It may be worth noting that I have always been very analytical, deep thinking and introverted so you can get an idea of how my thought process works. So I recently turned 22. I have followed a fairly typical route here in the UK of school, college, university. In college and uni I studied music and I have played drums for over a decade now. I dropped out of uni due to seeing the qualification in music as useless, and due to money concerns. I live at home with my parents and have never had a job besides helping my dad (he is a tree surgeon). So, faced with the "real world" outside of educational institutions, I spent 2016 improving my health, fitness and practising drums a lot - trying to form a project with a guitarist. But this never really got anywhere. Struggling with anxiety and depression for most of my life, I finally went to therapy for several months, which helped initially but ultimately led to an existential crisis... During winter of 2016 I entered a deep depression (I have suffered the past few years with this), seeing life as meaningless etc. At this point I began to look towards spirituality (something I'd dismissed, being someone who identified as an atheist, etc.) I also began watching a lot of Leo's content on self-development and enlightenment. I am trying to be more accepting of life as it is (embracing death), and not living in my ego and I have done meditation for a while now. I saw my previous way of dealing with life as egotistical - always thinking of how "I" can progress and improve and what I can attain. I see now that that isn't going to bring happiness or fulfilment, so I'm reluctant to return to this kind of lifestyle. But now I'm looking at my options: I could pursue only enlightenment and forget everything else, but even Leo advised against this. Alternatively I have an opportunity to "master" some practical elements of my life. Namely, my plan for 2017 would be to be enrolling in an apprenticeship program working in IT (something I have some skill and interest in). This would give me an opportunity to become financially independent, but also means a 9-5 schedule for the next 4+ months. Though with the money I'd earn there I could realise some life-goals that I've had for a while now (mainly travelling, seeing the world). A friend of mine is also willing to join me in exploring some other countries. My worry though is that I'll get sucked into that busy materialistic lifestyle and become depressed again... I hope this wasn't too convoluted. Any advice or examples of your own experiences with this kind of situation would be greatly appreciated. Also feel free to ask any questions. - Ollie