Zephyr

@Leo Gura Do it for the stat There are a lot of 19 year old people. The average though is 28. Mean: 28.291666666667 Median: 24 Mode: 19

Entry 6: I think I'm forgetting Something I've been having a lot of trouble lately. I can see drastic change in me. I have not masturbated for 8 days straight -- twice. Have not played video games for more than an hour for 2 weeks. These are something I never expected that would happen to me. Still, I have been suffering. I realized that because I did not have a Direction. I really had a little bit of idea of how important after reviewing some of Leo's videos and reading a little bit of David Deida's book. I realized that my Direction is weak. I realized that I still have so much potential but I'm not tapping into them. I'm really struggling and suffering right now. So much fear is holding me back. It seems that my goals are just too vague or they are too unrealistic. I've even having doubt on whether they are really authentic or not. Regardless it's time for me to take the pain and make sacrifices. It's been really rough. Its quite hard to stay on track since I don't even know if I'm going to make it. But I'm sure I'm just saying these words due to my state right now really. Regardless, I'm still grateful for sufferings. I know for sure that if I get way too much of it then it would just light a fire on my ass and would push me back up. Overall, currently low on confident, having doubts, losing hope, low willpower, distracted. These are just the bad stuffs really, but I'm still grateful for them cause this is call out for me. This is really a test, and I must respond to this with what I have. The good news though are amazing. So powerful. I've realized the importance of Direction and I've tasted the Power of it. Just a little tiny bit of it, and it really made me do things that I would have never done otherwise. For today, I've become socially confident. It almost drained the pity thing of caring what others think of you. Another awesome thing is 1 hour of meditation. Holy shit, man. If I practicing both of these and devote myself and suffer and sacrifice and pragmatically commit fully, within a few months I'd condition myself into a solid rock. I can do things with my body that I would have even thought I would ever do through physical condition. Bboying is practical. My question is how practical would this journey be and what kind of amazing things would I be able to do?

Humans depend on each other for survival. Even if now we can survive on our own in our society, our genetics still holds us back. Being accepted by others is important for our survival. We seek validation when - we show off in front of people. you realize that cause it won't be something you would do when you at alone. - we try to be nice to other people. Even if it means being dishonest. its pretty much mostly when you change your behaviour to please others or to maintain your reputation.

'He has a big ego' means a little different. Mainstream definition might mean that someone is arrogant, narcissistic smug, over confident, etc.. You can be like that if you have a big ego. But it could also be the other way around. Like being extremely socially avoidant, victim mindset, pessimism, etc..

@cly you are ancient. I wish you are my mom. Very unlikely to happen.

The Irony... For your own sake, I suggest you stop posting stuffs and read the guideline.^_^ Your awareness is too low, you'll just hinder others in the forum.

@kalter000 Be careful.

I wouldn't expect someone who live by the higher values to be negative, I mean they are already living the high values right. I can't see them just faking their way through. What's possible though is that they would potentially become negative...

The more masculine you are the more directed and structured you are. The feminine is about flow and formlessness. From what I've noticed to so far, most girls who are really feminine are also really self destructive and they are all over the place emotionally. They are almost drama queens where areas neutral/masculine females are not. I've been having this attraction towards feminine ladies. I've been wondering if all feminine girls are impulsive and low conscious drama queens. Is it possible that very feminine women are able to manifest self control but still be feminine?

@AlexB very nice. Very smooth. Good luck with the rest of the journey.^_^

@Simon Zackrisson I've been reading the Way of the Superior Man. Some stuffs I just don't get. whats your views on being masculine and feminine?

I like to do this but I can't during the winter. Because if it makes me prone to being sick. I do it during the summer though. Since there's sunlight so its easier for my body

Real dope. Keep it up

I sit on the floor leaning on a wall with a on my lower back/middle back

I'm 17 yeas old. I discovered Leo when I was 15 or 14^_^ All or most of his video applies to my life. They've really helped me through.

oh Yes, please^_^

@kalter000 exactly. Porn is like gasoline. I've personally experienced the side effects of porn. It was fine in the beginning of course but I've been doing this for year after year, hundreds of times. It makes you guilty. It makes you feel depressed than you already are. It makes you unmotivated. It makes you even more low conscious than you really are. Thoughts on becoming a rapist also scared me "what if I'm in a situation and I can't control myself?" What scares me is losing so much control and losing integrity. @Andess My advice to you is focus on other things rather than having a no fap journey. Once I started a journey to become an ultimate badass I begin to not even think of porn anymore. Maybe a little urge will hit me but it never really get me to do it. I used to masturbate like 9 times a week. Now it's changed to 1time every two weeks. While I never even set up a no fap routine yet. There have been really cool stuffs happening in my life recently that I just can't seem to remember to masturbate. The secret really is having a high vibration. If you are feeling great, inspired, motivated, integrated, radiant you'll just absolutely find no reason to do such low conscious act. If you are low conscious most of the time though then consider yourself done. However do so ask for support if you need.

Entry 5: Accept them. Love them to Death. My favourite poem written by Rumi. I've been learning more and more about Surrendering. Right now as I was writing this journal I kind of realize something new. I've been meditating and synchronizing surrendering to it in which I develop a moderation technique similar to Do Nothing technique. One thing I learned is that I just can't just rationalize my way through Surrendering. I got to use my feeling. I litterally have to approach everything with love especially my emotions and my demons. To slay thy demons we got to do the opposite. Instead of fighting we love them. We entertain them, both our demons and angels. I like to use words like "embrace" and "surrender" because it really generates certain feelings in the inside. They are different than saying "love" and "accept" although they probably would mean the same In terms of progress I have noticed a slight difference if we compare them within the range in a week. Comparing myself from last year I've actually gotten more conscious. I'm able to be more conscious in places and surroundings that I'm not the most conscious in. I'm more aware in school. I'm becoming more tolerant.^_^ The only time I suffer is when I am tense. I'm attached and unaware. When I try to build a pool out of my inner ocean.

First we got to define the word Integrity.^_^

Very simple. But it's hard to Surrender when you are low conscious. Regardless try this: The problem might be is not because you are not accepting pain, but you are not accepting that you can't accept pain. Then it leads to you "not letting go of not letting go of not letting go of not letting go of control" until you finally get hit with Silence. But it wont last for long depending on how strong the emotion is^_^ they come back like waves. Just be mindful, remember that it's not going to be easy to surrender if you are always trying.

@Leo Gura oh shit. I should try this.^_^

@WickedIrish if you do ever feel any emotions rather than peace -- like astonishment or curiosity do you feel like you are attached to the emotions and feelings?

Haha. I suffered way too much. Still sometimes or often I choose more suffering than less

I just turned 17. I discovered self development when I was 15 as well. Now my commitment is much stronger thanks to this community^_^ it's very nice to start when you're really young

@ChristopherW I had this problem too. I started with 5 minutes studying - 10-30 minutes break though^_^ and build from there.