Valium

Hello dear fellows, I have a serious addiction problem with alcohol, benzodiazepins and other stuff and I just can't find a way out! I would like to describe my "career" briefly so you folks get an idea where this might be coming from. Sorry for my poor english since it is not my native language. I was always a rather shy person who could not stand interpersonal conflicts/debates very much and in my teenager years I started drinking occasionally with some friends, just to forget about school and stuff and to have a good time. It was a fun thing to do back than and of course it was recreational. We also smoked weed sometimes and also tried other drugs like speed, cocaine, xtc, but this only on rare occasions. When I started my studies in social science I felt myself being affected by "social phobia" so much that I visited a psychiatrist, who prescribed antidepressants (Zoloft) and then after some months I took part in cognitive behavioural therapy. this went very well for me, I got much more self-assured, established new goals and found work, finally I even studied social work and earned my bachelors degree. but despite I always tried to get to meet people and find new friends I have always had feelings of insecurity / lack of confidence and even in my "good times" I sometimes needed alcohol to calm myself down, to get rid of nervousness and fear. Often I have been lonely in my studie times too. when I finally got a job after being finished with my studies, I was very soon stressed out by the sheer amout of work, so I used alcohol and other drugs (mostly benzos) as a tool to make myself cope with the problems (my main problem was my inability to cope with the high level of stress and the amount of tasks I had to do). after having worked for 2 years with disabled people I was drinking pretty heavily (daily) and needed to take a cure. My doctor prescribed to me Baclofen, what is some sort of anti-alcohol medication (at least in France it is approved for the treating of alcoholism). With this medication I maintained sober for long periods of time (many months), but unfortunately I relapsed and then also tried out Opium. last year during summertime I took opiates again and drank pretty much on a regular basis, then I quit, now I am drinking again. It is not so much the drinking that affects me in a negative way, but my main problem is: I don't really know what to do with my life. I am living on my own, I have no girlfriend, only very few friends and I even don't care a lot about former hobbies or interests anymore. But while my life situation is rather boring and dull, I use drinking as some substitute for not having a rich experience of life. I don't know if you find this insightfull but if anyone has some thougth to offer, I'd be glad to hear from you. If you have any questions, just post them. looking forward to hear from you edit: I'd like to add that besides my mental problems I am currently unemployed for over 1 year by now. this also makes me sad, since I apply for jobs on a regular basis but only get rejections. It seems that no one wants to hire me because (I assume) I appeal akward/weird to them. In contrast to this most of my friends and family tell me that I am a good guy, quite intelligent, well spoken and capable. I just can't live with this contradiction, it fucks my mind up.

I want to get mental health / get rid of my drug abuse and alcoholism habits, which include not only binge drinking and permanent abusive alcoholism, but also consmption of opiates, benzos, marijuana and speed/cocaine. I want to find back to a life without having to constantly crave for a drink or some sort of high to cope with difficult situations or times to comfortm myself in pure loneliness. I 've always been a shy guy so nevertheless I looked pretty ok I never had very much "luck" with the girls, I missed several opportunities in my life. sometimes I just pity myself and look back at the few nice times I had and cry over my now more or less pretty dull life which seems pathetic but may be related to a lack of self esteem/strong ego. I just want to live like everyone else, enjoy my life, maybe finde a girlfriend, get a proper job and forget about the bullshit I can't change. thankfully yesterday I got helpful tipps on a rehab facility just nearby my place (about 1/2 hours away), specialiced in treatment of psychiatric illness and alcohol/drug related issues. I will attend a first meeting this weekend, on Saturday at 12pm. I believe it is some kind of rehab where you have to spend (at least) some weeks if not even months, abstaining from drugs and taking therapeutical sessions, learning coping strategies to relieve stress and anger. even if I will have to stay there for more than 1 or 2 month, I would do so! I will do everything that I can to get health and brake with my addiction habbits. maybe internet use will be limited on the facility but I think I will be able to use 3G, so I'll let u know how it goes along. wish me luck! just for the curious: I am sure alcohol and all other drugs (illegal, including some considered prescription drugs as opiates) are scrictly prohibited at this site, but cigarette smoking is (as usual in Germany) mostly okay in these kinds of facilities. also antidepressants, antipsychotics and mildly dozed benzodiazepines are commonly used/not forbidden.

I have heard about Ahayuasca before, hence I am not planning in taking part in a ceremony for the next 4,5, maybe 7 years. On the one hand it would be very expensive for me to take a flight to the rainforest where ayahuasca-ceremonies for westenrs are upheld, also the shamans take money too, so it really comes down to a money problem. Also I don't feel ready for such an in-depth experience yet. I have watched documentaries about Ahayuasca-ceremonies on youtube and was astonished but also afraid. I'm willig to invest into the struggle these ceremonies withhold, but first need to stabilize my life where I come from, in the western culture. I once considered trying DMT on my own (since this is called to be somehow similiar), but after several experiments with LSD and hawaiian baby woodrose I decided to better stay away from stuff like this. My psyche is just to voulnerable at the moment and these kinds of drugs can do serious harm. nevertheless, thanks your your replies!

thank you for your replies. I tried meditation on a daily basis for some weeks but unfortunately relapsed into bad habits. I think it would be easier for me to cope with my addiction habits if I had a group of people who support me in the struggle. as my next goal I am willing to find a group where I can meet up regularly with people who are affected in a similar way, to learn how they cope with the problem.

of course it is not vor everyone, only for severe cases of depression.

yes, it is! we have health insurance even when unemployed. there are only few psychiatrists who offer this kind of treatment, but at least there are some. this is kind of groundbreaking.

it is only hallucinogenic if you take a relatively high dose. I applied Ket intraveniously (since from my former work at a hospital I know very well how to apply that stuff i.v.) and it helped a lot to lift my mood, I injected it for about one month every 2nd or 3rd day, moodlifting effects lasted for about 6 months. I only applied low dose! It is legal in Germany if applied by a psychiatrist. edit: I applied once a high dose (I was curious) and got a pretty beautiful psychedelic trip that lasted some hours. never experienced such thing. it was marvelous! but I would recommend low dose only!

just try Ketamin. I did this too, because a friend of mine, who is a doctor, could provide me some stuff. this shit will help you and liften your mood!

I'd like to add that if you suffer from clinical depression and the usual medication (like SSRIs) does not do anything for you, there is still some hope. Recent studies have shown that the anesthesia Ketamin could be a very effective cure for depression. I've looked it up and (at least in Germany) there are psychiatrists who offer Ketamin as treatment for severe depression! there are studies that claim a higher remission-rate than most other antidepressants, but since Ketamin is a relatively old medication the pharmaceutical companies cannot earn very much money with it (cause the patent rights are all outrun), therefore interest in running more studies is low. just look it up.

With weed it is like with other substances - it is not good for everyone. some people can benefit from it, especially when you are really sick, but when you are young and still going to school/college I would recommend to abstain from smoking weed (and drinking alcohol, too!). personally I smoked weed for at least 1 year every day, when being high I lost motivation and had problems focussing and memorizing.

Witten, West-Germany

funny but true just try it out!

Hi frog_eater, I have a lot of experience with medication, especially SSRI and benzos. many years ago I suffered from severe social anxiety and depression, I was very shy and introverted and even had difficulties to find work, earn money etc. I began to look for a solution and went to a psychiatrist, who prescribed to me zoloft. This medication helped me a little to do more, go out more and feel less anxious/depressed around people. but after a few months I had not achieved much and did not feel any positive effects, even if I doubled the dosis of the medication. then I found a therapist and took some months in cognitive behavioural therapy which helped me a lot, much more than the medication. after I learned to cope with my anxiousness I became stronger and even started working a full time job for allmost a year. currently I am still on a medication (Venlafaxin/Trevilor) because of relaps into depression about 1 year ago, but I would not recommend medication as solution unless you have really hardcore clinical depression. most people can get help by a good therapist or life coach. medication is not a solution for everyone. If you think you need such help, you need to visit your local headeshrinker. I've also been on the benzos for at least 1 year. It helped me to get sleep when stressed, but afterwards I had to go through severe withdrawal including depression, sleeping issues and anxiousness. It was pretty much like hell - I felt like my feelings were dead, I could feel nothing and even had suicidal thoughts, so I would not recommend taking benzos either. To sum it up: it is wether good nor bad! it's what you make of it! in some situations medication can be very important. If you don't overdo it with the benzos, they also can be kind of help. but you shouldn't rely only on medication, they are not an ultimate solution.

I would suggest to you that you look for people who share your interests, so you can meet up and do something together, for example working out, playing games or learning something. you can also take part in an acting class or some language class, if accessible for you! especially the acting classes helped me a lot to get something done practically. It is always easier and more beneficial to get into a group, so you can benefit from others. if you just watch informational videos all alone you will not achieve that much.

right after getting up I use to drink something warm, tea/coffee and sometimes eat a warm breakfast (cooked eggs, milk etc.). I recently discovered that my boytype prefers warm meals. a cold shower also works for me, it helps to activate blood circulation which wakes my body up. when the weather is nice, I prefer to include a longer walk or running to get fresh air and activate myself.

to get rid of old habits you have to establish new habits. this you can only achieve by massive action and enorm focussing! for example, if you want to get rid of lazyness, you have to start a not-lazy habit, for example an intense hobby like a sport, going to the gym several times a week. if you want to brake with addictive habbits like smoking, sports also may be helpfull. it is also helpfull to try to find people who share your aims, for example find a group for activities and then meet up on a regular basis!

Facebook is such a waste of time ^^ unless you don't need facebook for marketing-intentions, it is not very much usefull imo. the only thing I find good about it is to find local meet up groups to meet new people. what I avoid: discussing in facebook groups, posting silly comments, likeing stuff all the time. I don't need facebook to stay in touch with people around me! I can call or text people, I can meet people in person, send an email (oldschool!)... so facebook is not usefull for that matter, as with all the silly discussion groups and advertisement it disctracts oneself from the really important aspects of life, making it difficult to focus on the meaningfull details. facebook is just like a drug. you feel reward for getting messanges or likes, than you crave more and do anything to get likes. try to get rid of that habit.

Hello Daphne, what you describe is called "experience of congnitive dissonance". you feel like exploring yourself instead of focussing on some sort of job/carreer, but your environment, the people around you, just seem to perceive the opposite. so the way you live seems to somehow not fit in to the environment. people have a strong desire to belong to others around them, therefore you might feel being cast out/stuck behind. you also seem to be afraid that others label you as "being lazy" - that is just a thought, as society likes to label people, but no one really likes to BE labeled. "lazyness" is just such a label that does not really say something about the qualities of a person, for example if a kid at school is entitled "lazy" by the teacher, it's often not the kids fault. often school is just very boring and a talented, intelligent kid just does not like learning repetitive, boring stuff. so I'd advise you to let go of your fear of being judged by others. In my oppinion you still have time to develope and you feel like you need to. so try to find something you love doing, try things out, experiment a lot. first hand experience is gold - no one can tell you what to do! you just need to find out for yourself. when you have done different things for a period of time you will maybe know more and eventually find a way to earn money, build a carreer etc. I am 33 years old btw and still not sure what to do with my life. Of course there are obligations and things to do, but I don't have a strong sense for a long-tearm goal. I have studied social science and social work but I currently don't work in these fields.