Jacobsen

Yes. I ask myself whether an assumption or judgement made by someone is actually a comment on themeselves. Aplying this thought i have noticed that very often that the person who judges could easily apply that judgement to themeselves. It definitely puts things into perspective i find. Its like you subconciously verbalize your issues without realizing, like a type of warning to oneself and the people who listen. It makes me causious of my own judging, or atleast that is what i hope.

I tend to ask myself "how conciouss is this person right now". I do this especialy with toxic people and behavior. The danger is getting identified with your awareness. You might think that your are superior, which has distracted me from turning toxicity back unto myself, to see where i am being toxic. There is a lot to take responsibility for if you want results, especialy in regards to other people.

Family members are just people. If a relationship is dysfunctional, it is dysfunctional. People only have power over you when you give them that power Take responsibility and sieze power over your life.

Today I made a discovery regarding how I as a person regard myself in relation to friendship. I want to share this story with you as it is a form of admittance to myself. By putting this online I hope it helps me and maybe someone who can relate. Now I have always been rather antisocial since I was small (ever since I moved to another country I failed to fit in and I guess the pattern stuck). But lately I had a sudden boom in my social life. I had an exchange year (Students travel abroad and study in a different country). It was all a new situation to me and maybe that lulled my anti-social tendencies somewhat because I started making friends. it was great to have friends and I remained in contact with them a lot even after moving back to my country. Today I was chatting with a friend (who I’m going to call Anonymous for the sake of convenience) from the exchange year about coming visiting for a week. I told Anon the date for when ill come down, of which is the only date available for me. Now it turns out anon won´t be available throughout the week as I hoped. Now this upset me. I could feel myself becoming anxious. That Anon wouldn’t be there and hang out. I thought about this which is when a realization creeped up on me. See my relationship to them was largely a projection of my own needs. They are in a completely different place and largely outside my current life and me needing their friendship is me not facing the reality of the situation. I still don’t have any friends where I live now and my relationship to them at this point was largely built on my own neediness. My neediness transformed the relationship to something twisted. They are good friends yes but I am not going to see them much outside of social media. It’s not like anyone who’s actually present wouldn’t necessary be as good to me. I realized I was actually needing these friends who aren’t even present and at the same time was denying myself that which already is present to me.

What i experienced is that leos older videos related to my challenges and growth much more (when his "hey" was quick and snappy). i still watch his new videos but i find the older ones tend to sometimes directly answer my questions unlike the new ones which are a lot more lofty to me. This is due to simply me being at a lower level than what the advanced works are entering