Jacobsen

My tip to you Charlotte is to mind your mind. i was going to write tips and tenants and stuff but i figured its better to keep it simple. the only reason why you think what you experience is a problem is because you resist it. this is the ego trying to avoid pain. the ego can only exist in the past or the future so it will use pain you have experienced in the past to control your emotions which makes you act in a certain way. you attract what you dont want because your in a cycle, a pattern of dillusion about who you are. its good that you bring it up because it shows interest in freeing yourself from this pattern you are experiencing. you are more brave and strong than you realize. its a good start. you must go inside yourself in the heat of the moment and note the thinking. What is the story being told about this moment. what past event triggered this pain in you. the more clear you can see that the painful thoughts as being an reaction to a past event, the more you will naturally let go of all of it. but you can only know any of this in your experience. this cannot be taught only pointed to. In my own life, when i notice that i have been caught in thinking i breath in, note the thought and as i breath out i let go of it. i wll repeat this if necessary.

I habe used headspace for nearly a year now i think on a regular basis. i find it very easy to stick to a daily habit of mediating with headspace. i have only missed out on a few days with the app since i subscribed to it (although the day counter has been reset multiple times but most often due to some technical error. the app can be buggy at times). the app gets updated with new packs and feautures over time so it feels to me its getting gradually better with regular use. i think i only have paid for it once when i first activated my sibscription. i havent seen anyhting going of my check since than. i only paid like 80kr (about 10 dollars) for it. although the packs are advertised as helping with different things such as depression, craving, motivation or concentration for example the exercises themeselves are more or less ubiqitous. You begin with taking deep breaths with an unfocused gaze before returning the breath to normal and closing your eyes. you do a bodyscan, than you start focusing on your breath. than either hone in the focus or switch to a vizualization depending on the pack. than you let go of any focus for a moment before coming back to the body and slowly opening your eyes again. thats it for 10 minutes. what varies is the information told to you before and after the exercise depending on the pack you have activated. thats the app in a nutshell i like it. i get a lot of good information or atleast reminders and insights into a more simple and peacefull approach to life. its a bit basic thats true but nothing wrong with that. it works really well if you incorporate into your daily. i find it especially easy to fit it in even when im busy.

I have had a lot of great chanses with really amazing girls so far with my life. Girls who captivate me. Who id easily want to start something with. But the common theme is that i cant bring myself to talk to her and hold a conversation without feeling extremely akward and uncomfortable. I end up letting go because i cant bear the thought of "losing her" i guess. Why am i feeling this way? Maiby you can elaborate with your own experience. I want to feel like i can just express myself and feel goid with my communication.

Hi everyone. its been a few months now since my last trip report which you can read here; I have decided to "trip" again (the 24.2-2018) with the same stuff and brand and all like the last time (Atlantis Truffles). But this time i upped the ante with a whole 5 grams. i decided to take 15g of Atlantis brand truffles with the intent of inner inquiry. i wont be going into the brand here. You can read about that in the link to my last report. Last time i "tripped" i experienced a euphoria. A serene mindfulness of my experience. I was mind full of senses and emotions. I became investigative beyond my normal state. i was looking beyond into whats now. it was a very accepting experience. it was a experience of discovery but focused a lot on externals. Why is the world like this? i kept asking myself that basically. it was also very focused on the pleasure of having an experience where i wasnt being anyone in particurlar but just seeing life unfold. It was witnessing life as an experience. I was discovering the nuance between being natural and unnatural. i noticed a lot of unnatural beings that day and i noted it as a form of "acting". That was than. How does this trip compare? much the same in a sense but was way more introspective, deeper and heartfelt. It was much more about how i was feeling. My old pains and confusion was brought up and thoroughly experienced and investigated. Just like the last time i became naturally investigative. i kept asking questions and the higher self (the part that understands my true nature) came flowing to me with an understanding of me and my confusions that made sense. i experienced my child self coming through with a need for comfort, wisdom and care that i than amended. I started the day with doing a few quick chores. cleaning up and stuff like that so i wouldnt need to bother my self with such when im under the influence. i meditated than for an hour in my bedroom. i didn't eat anything before tripping. at around 11:40 i ingested the truffles. i didnt eat the whole pack at once and started with smaller portions. i was unsure if i wanted to ingest it all since i had only done 10g last. but i did end up eating all of them as i chewed through the package. Let me be straight with you it tastes like moldy socks. it wasnt "Awful" but not the slightest appetizing. it was like an eraser with a bitter, earth like taste. After ingesting the truffles i sat with my back upright against the wall behind me, first just sitting there than meditating a bit than listening a bit to music. I was feeling a little bit nervous of possibly having a "bad trip" but i thought to myself that the experience would be exactly what i need. i didn't need to worry just trust that things would work out. after about half an hour or so the affects slowly started to take place. i noticed my "inner vision" started to become viral. i began seeing "imagery" sprawl across my "inner eye". images of cartoons, drawings and symbols were sprawling about in a somewhat "circular" fashion. It was very much of out control, which is a good way to put it. The imagery had no start or end it just kept going. unfolding and folding. What i can remember seeing is a lot of glowing and luminescent color, especially turquoise, blue and green. the only image i can remember at the time of writing this is a "drawing" (because it was clearly a cartoon) of a tigers head. Like a signpost but psychedelic in style and neon. As the effects became stronger an electric buzzing became present around my head. I felt it the most in my ears. it was like and electric current was surging through me at a random pace but always fast. i could feel and hear this buzzing. sometime the current would buzz out all other sounds. i became very mindfull of my body. whenever i felt a tension or an unease in my body i could feel it very strongly. the sensation itself wasnt "strong" but i could feel it very well. For example if my arm was sticking to high up and the blood was flowing down out of it. i could feel the sensation of tingling and general unease very clearly. When i started to get hot i could feel it not as normal warmth but as an vibrating energy that was spinning in place around my body. it took a moment for me to understand that i was too hot. it was sometimes hard to make out what my body was feeling. but it wasnt possible to ignore my body in that state. it made me "adjust" myself with my body a lot more than before. But before i reached the peak i felt an unease. i kept noting to myself "theres something missing... Something not right". i couldnt quite make a clear distinction of what i needed. Eventually i decided to go eat. i wasnt feeling all well and i was really hungry. as i rose up from my bed my body felt so light as a feather. it suprised me because i expected id had to put in a lot more effort into getting up. it was almost like the force i used to get up almost made me jump as i got on my feet. like id be pulled up into the air by the sheer velocity of the force applied in that movement. as i moved across towards the kitchen it didnt feel familiar to walk around. it was like my body was a bit like a marionette. i could only focus on a certain movement at the time. it felt like my movement was very "particular" and i felt weird about it. i ensued to eat an apple, a pear, two rice crispies and a toast. i just sat down an started eating. i could feel the food move down into my stomach very well. especially the toast and the rice crispies i could feel it sucking up a lot of water while moving down my innards. that made me thirsty. it made me think about how healthy those foods are too. after laying back down i could really well feel the toast ive eaten inside my stomach. Occasionally i would open my eyes " (as i could only see the images when my eyes where close) to see if there was a visual affect. i read that 15g would induce some visuals. last time there where no real psycedelic "visuals" (i did see what mattered though hahah). Deeper into the "trip" i could see a flowing, but fixed pattern of shapes gliding across the surface of my vision. the symbols where translucent but glowing in neon color. the symbols where like boxes mad out of a coiled line. However i wasn't really interested in these visuals. Because i started to "inquire". i was beginning slowly to ask a lot of questions seaming less amidst all of these affects. i would shoot question and my higher self came to me and started talking. a voice was talking to me about my confusions and my pains i was feeling and carrying. i noticed the voice was kind of British and scottish or cockney or something. a very distinct voice. i inquired into this and i discovered some very interesting things about me, and my interests. im naturally an expressive person. i feel attracted to things that are very direct and clear in expression. it makes sense. it explains why i love cartoonist drawings or why the voice was so distinct or my affection for very loud and aggressive rock. Or why i naturally feel very drawn to tigers. It was saying that im naturally expressive because i have a message i want to share with the world. The pain of my past where i didnt feel like i could express myself properly was stored as this strong negative emotion. When id think of my dad this emotion came sliding up unto my face. my face would contort in frustration and sadness. it felt so thight. my chest got really thight and i would cry. it became hard to breath as i was just lying there feeling this emotion. this emotion was vibrating a lot. it felt like my head was going red. it would pass than come back than pass again. it would come everytime id think about my dad in that state there and than my dad became symbolic for an inner frustration i had. i was sad because i didnt believe in my own communication. later on in the trip that emotion would more and more settle. id stop experiencing it after a while. i grabbed my phone and just posted on facebook a rock music video (disposible teens by Marilyn manson), on of my favorite songs with the accompanied text "what if you could just say anything". i also made an earlier post just as silly. later on i deleted these post as i felt i didnt have to "settle" with my past actions which i didnt feel suit me. it felt right to delete both these posts as i felt that they where quite silly to be frank. that was very "therapeutic" and it showed a willingness to care for myself instead of bashing and hurting myself for things i dont have control over. to stop limiting my expression over misunderstanding myself. After i while i could feel i had to pee. i was thinking i wasnt in a good state to be doing things but i felt i just had to take action for myself. to my avail i found that the bathroom was being used by someone else so i just grabbed a bottle and peed inside of that (im an expert on bottle peeing after an incident where my toilet stopped working for a week). i wanted to get back into the "conversation" i had with myself. it was like a therapy session (despite how cheesy that sounds to me). this felt like something i just had to get over with to focus on the important stuff. moving aroung was strange but i could manage fine. i made a lot of amazing discoveries about myself that day. things that make sense to how i feel. i discovered this natural need for learning. to have a "guide" of some sort "teaching" me how to do stuff. basic things like learning how to focus, how to talk and treat others and how to understand. not that i feel im clueless but more as a child wanting to be equipped so i can go exploring this world. i discovered its easy to take for granted what i know and that i truly dont know much or anything. im always learning naturally. i discovered a way to better understand people. in a sense we are all children because were all the going through the experience of life. there is fundamentally no clear definition of an adult and not adult because all the experience is now. a child is coming home into lifes dream. this helped me frame people as fundamentally always equal to everybody else because that is being in balance. don't hurt but take no shit. everybody can understand that. i discovered something about how i experience the opposite sex. that im not truly not into wanting to womanize every girl i find beautiful. to always go in circles, going through the same interactions and never truly committing to who i am. i discovered im not someone who just takes. I discovered i might need a new identity. i felt my name "sebastian" didnt quite make sense to me. it didnt feel "descriptive" of who i felt i am. so my higher self would constantly come to me and ask "so lets find you a new name". the higher self kept coming back to that. as of now i dont quite know what that would be but i guess its something that will find me first. i discovered a voice inside of me that spoke my truth. in the past i wouldnt use this voice instead focusing on using words i thought would make the most sense in any given situation. but i discovered that my voice makes the most sense. naturally so. this voice felt right. and it showed i dont have to be in the right. i dont have to be correcting myself and others according to an idea, an ideaology. instead i could just share my experience and what works for me. I can better know. i discovered how singular my focus actually is. tripping id be completely engrossed into the one thing id be doing thus getting distracted would feel like actually be comepletely dragged away from what i wanted to do. Before i wouldnt really notice how distracting being distracted actually is. Post trip is to learn to focus on my intention and what i want to do and to cut out distraction by clearly noting distractions as a distraction. i discovered that i have an natural inclination to follow my joys. to bask in sunlight. to draw and create art. just for its own sake because its a joy to me and before i didnt notice that my joys matter to me. i naturally feel this compassion and joy from these things i like. ive started to incorporating that more into my day to day. to for example just spend some time drawing instead of putting it of for something that doesnt have that underlying joy. This trip compared with the last was more of an emotional experienced. i cried a lot. but its what i wanted to find in the first place. i started "tripping" with the intent of finding answers. i came to find myself thus therefore i can recommend this "brand" as a product if your the same. if your willing to learn, listen and feel the pain that's been stuck in the body. its a journey of understanding and ive understood that i for a long time didnt feel confident nor truly believed in my own communication. my expression and my gift to the world. now thats changing and this is just the beginning.

Recently, after after some meditations i can feel a surge of energy in the middle of my forehead. this occurs at times during my meditation but also some times if i focus on the area or if i hear classical music. i understand that its my pineal gland which is working up but im not a master. From my experience with it it feel like its an inwards looking eye. We have two eyes to observe a world which is inherently dualistic. one eye to view a world that is inherently one. when i meditate with pineal gland activating music, it feels like there is a cosmos inside and I'll see visions. Most are of things that scare me. Once i saw a devil inside me. I feel a lot of fear when i meditate with the intent of activating the pineal gland. Once i got so scared it permeated every time i was alone. Recently i tried again but i allowed myself to feel that fear. Afterwards i felt a real sense of spaciousness inside and freedom. I feel more now like a being than a human being than before. It feels like this forehead tension has become some sort of friend now. its strange because sometimes the energy is mostly felt bottom right of the center of my forehead. other times on the left side. I like to visualize it as this glowing bead in the middle of my forehead. Blue feels like its it colour if it glows.

@Zephyr Every day i do a 5 minute morning meditation as soon as i wake up, 10 minute guided meditation and a 30 minute silent meditation. sometimes i meditate with focus on the pineal gland. than i meditate for 30 minutes as i usually do but in complete darkness and listening to "pineal gland activating" music. The moment the meditation ends i hold my breath as long as comfortable, followed by holding the breath for 15 seconds three times. At the end of that i chant the word "thouh" on exhalation six times. This creates an audible ringing noise inside my head, depending on the pitch. Again i hold my breath for 15 seconds three times and do the chanting again, except this time ill be saying "may". At the end of all of that ill put focus on my forehead area, which should be full of energy by now. I focus on this energy and imagine there being an eye there slowly opening. i do this for and unprecedented amount of time. I'm not sure where i am at with my "non-duality" journey exactly but i do feel like i am slowly getting an inclination to it, i am suspecting that certain things i thought where true to be actually different (maybe because i never truly thought about the context of those believes). i feel like this life is more like a projection and limitations is the manifestation of something. That everything that goes by ultimately is small and frankly some sort of joke. Why exist? I'm not sure if i see random visions during my day. None that i can exactly remember. But i do know it has happened in meditation. it depends if i can remember my dreams on what i dream. I live on a campus as of now and dream rarily but when im home i can dream almost everyday for some reason. the last months ive been having nightmares. Not waking up in sweat type of nightmares but i can remember parts of these dreams well and i can sometimes remember the feeling of the dreams i have. i tend to write down all my dreams in my journal and try to decipher them by reading into the role of each aspect in the dream and how it acted in the context of the dream,

In my experience i lose interest in what is the "right" way to do things as i go along this journey. Even this discussion seems a bit redundant in all fairness but i like to help.

Yes i could just look it up but i want to hear your personal experience of what it is. This is something that i've been wondering about what exacly can be defined as a dark night of tge soul and never truly found a clear answer to. Is it a "period of life" that was particurlarly painfull and resulted in a lot growing? I have been through that personally and i used to think that that was a dark night of the soul. But now i find it hard to be certain on anything. Is it the entire journey of the spirit until "enlightenment"? Is it basically "spiritual puberty". Something goes through once as they awaken. Is a "mini" dark soul of the night a thing? Could you experience multiple. What are the exact characteristics of a dark soul of the night? Is it all healing and release of sadness and hurt or is it realizing "impearmance" and putting that into context with your life (and subsequently dealing the emotions there of)?

Just try it out. you learn tenfold more from experimentation. Personally i gravitate more and more to regular silent meditation. I used to listens alot to meditative music but nowdays i just get sleepy from it.

I remember feelings of being "unnecessary" when around groups of people, back in school and through high school and college. Feels like my thoughts and feelings and desires dont matter. Any one thing i would like to say would remain unsaid because "whats the point". Its sad and painfull. It got so painfull to the point where i decided i had TRULY enough. Up to this point what has changed fundamentaly is the "story" i tell myself about myself. Understand tgat who i am is who i am is who i am ad infinitum. You cant escape this person who lives inside of you, litteraly inside you chest as a heart, your higher self. I never changed only the thoughts i carry about myself changed.

Thank you @Nahm and @Joseph Maynor. Profound advice. I feel inspirered.

In recent time i experience a "deepining" in my meditation practice. I experience a wierd change, sometimes accompinied by "visions" like "psycedelic waves" or people i know walking around without eyes in their sockets (as if hollow). When i finish i feel this "uncertainty". I would stare at myself in the mirror questioning who i am. This experience is a bit unsettling and now i feel fear a around meditation. I dont want to fully "enter" into the meditation while i am meditating in fear of "evil entities", as if "entering deeply" will expose me to threats i cant see or control and stop. I feel spiritually vulnerable. Im afraid of the uknown. Its like my sense of security and knowing are balloons i hold unto but instead of me "losing" them, they lose "me". I am the one flying of and im grasping thoughts like their branches on "my way up" to halt this.

Eye contact is the most beautifull thing. Words dont match.

Thank you @Circussmile.

☺☺❤❤ Awesome report, Hundreth.

Bloodborne, one of my favorite games since i used to play a lot. It is very open to interpretation but follows a general theme of ignorance, greed, survivalism, fear of the uknown , dreams, illusion, multiple realities and "transcending the dream". Its also pretty fun i guess

Thanks, Sidi. Dont hesitate messaging me in the future and to share your growth with us. Kind regards ❤❤

I have had this problem myself for quite a while, still kind of do but its no longer an issue for me. You are in the process of learning to know yourself (your body in this case) so some "struggle" is normal. Just keep trying and see what suits you the best. In my experience i find the bare floor to to be the best surface (but for long periods i get a sore rump). i always meditate in a half lotus, making sure i have a certain distance between feet and pelvic. If i "crumple" my feet into my pelvic too much i lean backwards (and if i let go completely i fall on my head). If i elevate my rump too high using a pillow i lean forward. looking at how i have placed my legs is what helped me. Also look at the hight "ratio" between the legs and rump. it is all about balance.

Alright Sidi. I have done a little reasearch and i have som tips for you. Althought you said you drink much water it woulhelp your digestive system to drink some water prior to eating as it "lubes" the digestive tract. You can start taking some supplements, although it is not a replacement for food it will make you a bit more nutricious. You can eat nutrionaly dense food like potatos (with gravy), salmon, kale, seaweed and eggyolk to mention a few. Start meditating, seriously! it will help you (i promise you, Sidi). guided meditations are one of the easiest and most effective ways out there. there are no disadvantages to meditation. It sounds like your problem stems from the mind. The mind, who you "think" you are changes your subconcious (which is your body) to allign your human experience accordingly. Mind materializes. You just have to talk yourself out of it.

What do you eat, Sidi?

I did actually. I was affixed on what i thought of my appearance but left indifferent

The 4th of August, 2017 I took 10g of Atlantis brand truffles with the intent of learning and having a different state of consciousness. The psilocybe Atlantis was found in Fulton County, Georgia (US) and is closely related to the psilocybe Mexicana, but is much stronger. Taking magic truffles of the psilocybe Atlantis will make your creativity bloom and open your mind for different thinking while your eyes feast on a new reality. Those effects are accompanied with a warm, fuzzy feeling of euphoria. -Zamnesia web description Psilocybe Atlantis delivers a very high-like feeling, an intense cheerful mindset often accompanied by colorful hallucinations. Philosophical thoughts and the one being with your environment and other people are pleasant effects that can be experienced during the trip. -Magic truffles. Nl web description My experience was filled with an intense freedom and consciousness of energy(intense as in powerful. There was nothing tense about it). This lead to me having the euphoria as described in the products description. I went in with the intent of learning more about myself and experiencing an altered state of consciousness. I did not exactly have any “hallucinations” perhaps, nor was I interested in that. What I wanted I got, which was experiencing pure energy and learning about my self (authenticity if you will). One thing I experienced is that words are very limited in what they can possible ever express, so conveying this to you is sort of redundant. One thing of note is that I am deeply into meditation, philosophy and how I can live a fulfilling life. This drug was done with the intention of learning (which is what I got because I set that intention perhaps) so whether or not I can recommend this depends on what you are looking for. The report itself The trip was planned as being done in the morning the ensuing day after I bought the truffles (which was bought the day before during the late evening). I woke up at 8 am and spent the ensuing morning meditating and inserting myself into the intent of a “good experience”. I spent about 1-2 hours meditating with various styles (guided meditations, affirmations, binaural beats). I didn’t meditate in complete silence however, rather using “stimulating” meditations. I didn’t eat at all until far into the evening. According to the packet one should take truffles on an empty stomach. I experienced learning something interesting about hunger (and body mechanics in general , maybe) due to this. At between 10-11 AM I initiated the trip by digesting the truffles. I ate the whole 10g pack of truffles and made sure I was chewing them thoroughly into a fine past. The effects are better introduced into the body when the truffles are chewed thoroughly (besides the fact that you should always chew your food thoroughly). The truffles had a particular but bland taste. Kind of like eating a mushy eraser but with a specific odor attached to it. It smelled a bit earth like. Id colour the taste green and brown. After ingesting the truffles I meditated some more but was feeling rather cold (the windows where open and the wind was blowing). I was feeling slightly nervous for having a “bad experience” so I tried to ensure myself with positive affirmations and reminding myself that I set the tone. I started to freeze and I was getting increasingly nauseas. I started to feel I could puke. I tried meditating again this time wrapped up in a blanket. When I closed my eyes my imagination started to get funky. My thoughts started displaying these multicoloured rabid cartoons. Constantly spiralling shapes and characters, repeating themselves and morphing at an increased speed. This didn’t feel necessarily good but I gave into it and focused on these “inner visions”. My body was getting very weak. I had no strength to keep any posture and simple “melted” like a jellyfish on land. I shifted into my bed wrapped up in my blanket as I engrossed myself into these wild cartoons in my head. The sickness increased and I felt really ill. I was in a sort of stasis. Whenever I let myself go into these “inner visions” I would sometimes feel this inner “zapping” coursing from the back of my neck up into the brain. Like an electric shock. This zapping would “jolt” my entire body. Each crackle shook not only my body but even the “cartoons” would tear up under the zapping. Each zap begun with a loud “charge” (think the sound of a laser charging up) before imploding and “cracking”. These zappings would sometimes happen at seemingly random, some going rapidly after each other. Interestingly enough this zapping only happened when I closed my eyes and starred into the imaginations. As these “illness” progressed my mind starting rapid firing questions and answers. Everything became very circular as questions became the answers in of themselves. I was becoming something different (although at that time I would instantly process the thought of me being different is not different at all at). I was processing the nature of things (thoughts of why they are, how they are). everything became sort of meaningless, but in a very good way. Simultaneously I became very intuitive and I just automatically could answer some question I had about my life. This trip was definitely a stepping for finding out what I want to do with my life. I asked myself for example what to do with my grudge between me and my mother and I quickly replied with “maybe you don’t connect on a level of my mind but you will always have a unique bond on a level of heart, stomach and everywhere else bodily. The mother connection is a root connection inside of my body”. I Started becoming extremely attentive. I felt the energy of how every being I observed. I became detached from my own material body and became a “antenna”. That is what my intuition started saying I. That my purpose is to be an “Antenna” of sorts, broadcasting pure energy, in and out. I gradually got less sick and started messing on my phone, just for the heck of it. Things got very unserious and I felt like I had no stakes in anything. Even the information displayed became meaningless and I was “position less”. I became also very conscious of what was in front of me. I wouldn’t get “absorbed” into the screen as I was very aware of the screen being a screen and the display was just an order of pixels and synthetic sounds. The lines across the screen making the pictures became so obvious. I started watching some infinite waters video and getting “engrossed” into the words being said became impossible for me. I was just having fun. I started rapidly to click on video after video without even watching them just so I could hear the man say “peeeeeace” in the way he does (in his credit his energy become greater and greater the more recent his videos where. From his old peeeeaaacee to his new peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaace.) I became very attentive to the energy rather than what “words” where being used (which is merely a second hand symbol of something. One thing I learned is that words inherently fails at conveying experiences because it’s not the experience and words will always be hamstrung by being definable). I kept playing on my phone for a while and it got really funny as it was very meaningless but done anyway. The irony spiralled into itself. Suddenly I didn’t feel sick anymore. In fact I was feeling very free. As I rose up from my bed I felt like this day right now is open for anything. I sensed on my body and I could feel the hunger and back pain (I had some back pain from earlier) but I observed this back pain and noticed that “back pain is a choice”. I can stop identifying with it and just let it happen”. Like that the back pain just stopped. I didn’t crack my back or anything because resistance was completely unnecessary (back pain is an intention you hold unto. That is what “knew” at the time). The same thing applied to my physical hunger. I put the intention of “me being hungry” aside for the time being (even though i haven’t eaten at all that day). I meditated a bit and felt it being a bit pointless. I was listening to a guided meditation by Leo but felt I was trying to “hard to do something” so I just kind of stopped and got on about it. I looked out the window into the street, at the people walking by (I live in the middle of a busy city). I felt that people just had this invincible aura around them. They were permeating a field of energy around their perimeter, especially around their faces. I just wanted to observe them. Feel their energy. I was completely given to impression happening around me. It’s funny when they notice me looking, look back at you than quickly pretend like that didn’t happen. I became very attentive to peoples energy. I looked at my phone again, at a picture of a girl I used to have a crush on. I started imagining I went on a date with her and I said to myself “you’re so beautiful”, but then quickly I started noticing these “things” about her. She was like trying to prove something and I could really tell. Down to how the fingernails were prepared and how the hair was done. I was like “wow you’re very fake no wonder”. I became very attentive to when people where “acting”, trying to be someone they are obviously not. I thought it was time for walk and went outside into the streets. Walking outside became a sort of “breeze”. My body was so relaxed and my spine was completely upright (like it was shooting for the stars). I was walking affixed at what was in front of me. Just staring at how people where and the things going on. I couldn’t stop having this smile as I felt I was floating in-between a river of people, all of them busy reaching getting something, going somewhere. When I say it became obvious when people where acting I meant it. Down to the way they dressed and walk you could tell they where rehearsing a “role”. For example “I’m badass, look how though I am”, or “I am cool because I smoke weed”, or “my friends make me who I am”. I kept saying to myself “you are not, really and you know it”. My favourite was “we are special and we must protect ourselves from the scrupulous”. There was a lot of acting laid on top of these energetic beings. Walking down the street, heading nowhere in particular. All I wanted to was experience whatever was going on. Eventually I walked past two stragglers high on weed. They looked a bit homeless but where sending out this “pending energy”, like a matchmaking lobby waiting to connect with someone. Naturally I felt drawn to them as they were just shooting of a type of love energy. I wanted to mirror and channelling that energy. We started talking a bit and I noticed all my social anxiety was null and void. I was present inside my body and words where meaningless next to the purity of my being. This is when I noticed how high I was as I kind of slurred my words and was mostly just making happy sounds. It wasn’t all sunshine though as I think some other hobo tried to pickpocket me and the two stragglers I was chatting with just came off as very “needy”. They were far from contempt with nothing at that time in space, which I believe was the fundament for my expression at that time. I also started feeling very susceptible to my environment at that time. I was in no shape to truly “fend for myself” in this state. I noticed two guys standing next to each other on the outlook for “something”. I wasn’t inclined to believe they were particularly wise or conscious of themselves but I was still in awe at the beauty of their functionality. Their force was functional. It reminded me of a proud lion, not being anything like a lion if he didn’t have his mane, claws and teeth. All truly meaningless but beautiful in a frankly dangerous and weird world. I started pondering on this as I walked away from the two stragglers. Truly the ego is beautiful. It is just that it is so functional that it turns on itself. I wondered and I noticed if I was to be completely “egoless” I wouldn’t survive in this world and contribute at all. I’d be like a newborn lamb alone in the middle of a Mongolian steppe. The rest of the day I spent at home chilling, drawing and doing my stuff but I felt very inspired spirituality. It’s was like now I can do anything. I wanted to create (for example I was completely set into the intention of making a “quote” blog on Instagram (which i am working on right now)). It wasn’t until the next morning that the effects have truly worn of. As I woke up I noticed how unconscious I was compared to the experience I had with my truffles. This made me sad at first but I looked deeper and found out I just have to accept being this ego and rather learn to live with it so that I may truly be happy (which is the same as happening right now). The ego is a tool for me to use and navigate this world with. Everything it does to “me” is not a coincident necessarily even the misfortune aspects of me (thinking of anxiety and negative patterns). I demonstrated that on my trip. That “I set the tone” and that my intentions make truth. The only reason you think you are limited by something (especially on a bodily level) is because you think you are your body. Hunger is a program. For my own benefit? Yes, maybe but never less a program that isn’t absolutely true and I can bend my limitations to suit me. This trip showed me that you can truly let go of what doesn’t serve you.

What is this?

That is interesting. I'd imagine id be much more peacefull and probably have a "better" experience. But i wouldn't have learnt as much about the ego otherwise perhaps.

This is just the beginning ?