Liam Johnson

Entry 61 | Today's Decisions Theory: If making and following up on decisions promptly can boost self-confidence, then having a list of daily decisions will encourage you to complete this process. Applying it: Rather than using a To-Do list, start making daily lists of the activities that you DECIDE to follow up on. This follows on from Entry 59b. I've talked about the importance of scheduling time before. But once you get into the habit of doing activities on a daily basis, it no longer feels necessary to rely on a calendar to remind yourself what to do. Everything feels natural after a while. One habit I've been working on is the Self-Confidence Formula from Think and Grow Rich. After doing this process for a few days, I came up with my own self-confidence formula: Definiteness of Decision + Completion of Goals = Self-Confidence Today, it dawned on me that if I make daily decisions about how to spend my day and follow up on them, I would be certain to grow in self-confidence. I've never been one for To-Do lists. They always feel like an obligation rather than a choice. However, by shifting focus away from what you HAVE to do and onto what you WANT to do, you can start living in a way that feels authentic. Making daily lists of the decisions you make can provide you with this shift. It only takes 5 minutes maximum. So I made myself a list entitled "today's decisions" and added tick boxes next to each one. This way, there would be no excuses for missing out on any of them. If I ended the day with a few decisions that weren't met, I know that it would lower my self-confidence at worst. At best, it would stay as it is without improvement. On my list, I included 2hrs 30mins of guitar practice, 1hr of university work, to cook for myself rather than communally, and to read a chapter in Think and Grow Rich. Seeing these decisions on paper filled me with a determined exhilaration that fueled my actions. I plowed through the list like a motherfucker! I've only got the book chapter to finish, which will happen after I've finished this entry. I don't feel different in regards to self-confidence at the moment. Maybe that's because there's one more decision left to follow up on. But when I finish the job and am left with free time to do as I please, it will hit me. An emotion that I think is underrated by the majority of my friends is the sweet satisfaction of having completed everything you set out to do by the end of the day. That's what awaits as I tuck myself into bed tonight! To be fair, not many of the decisions that I make in a morning require much courage. Rather, it requires determination and persistence, which is probably just as important a skill to acquire than the skill of being courageous. But as I continue to do this process, I can make more courageous decisions as I build momentum after each day. There are certainly going to be some decisions in the future that will require tremendous acts of courage. But all in good time. It is probably better to approach these decisions strategically than to throw myself into them without a clue how to cope with myself. What I've found is that it would be wise to make these decision lists after about 30mins of visualization. Specifically, when you visualize your future self living the life that you want to be living. By planning in this way, you can be sure that the decisions you make will align yourself with the visualizations. It puts all of your priorities into perspective. To wrap things up, making a list of "Today's Decisions" will work wonders with your emotions, especially after visualizations. You will be able to convert the hope and faith in your visualizations into practical emotions of strong determination and persistence. Make your list realistic for a day's work and recognize that failure to follow up on your decisions will have a knock-on effect with your self-confidence. Above all, recognize that the difference between a To-Do list and a Decision list is the emphasis on choice. To-Do lists are for stuff that you have to do. Decision lists are the conscious choices that you make about how you spend your time. By failing to follow through on your decisions, you fail to honor your highest values. You fail to live up to your Higher Self. Pick of the day: Prokofiev "War" Sonata #7 Valentina Lisitsa Precipitato 3rd Mov. Finale

Entry 60 | Reflection So today was going to be the day that I would start recording my voice along with entries. It's all recorded ready but I don't like the idea of it being a downloadable file. Also I don't know of a private place online to store the audio files. Plus, its been a lot of effort. I won't completely give up on this cause but for now, it's looking a little less likely. So in reflection of the last week or so, I've made some pretty decent progress. There were a dodgy few days when I moved back to Sheffield though. I was getting very frustrated with the behaviors of my flatmates. Not to mention that they waited for me to deal with the mouse problem in our house. My flatmates aren't the most decisive people around so they wait for me to make the decisions. It's good for me because I get to practice being decisive but it doesn't help them, which is a shame. After the bumpy start, I gradually let go of my frustrations and returned to a place of love and happiness by the end of the week. I've been taking some of the action steps laid out in Think and Grow Rich to help me develop a success-oriented attitude. Granted, success isn't everything in this life. However, as graduation is approaching, I need to be mentally prepared for life after university. My goals for the future are very ambitious and definite. I am certain that becoming a music artist is the way forward for me. I want to become a masterful musician who gets to share his story worldwide. If this doesn't contribute to my ultimate life purpose of serving as a living example of what is possible, then I don't know what is. So not only am I focussing strongly on my future, I'm now starting to act more playfully in the present moment thanks to those mind-boggling dreams the other day. Especially in a musical context, it can be far more rewarding to play around whilst creating the art than treating it as a profession or a job. That is why I believe the "artist" route is for me. If I decided to become a "cruise ship band member" or a "covers band guitarist," my ability to be playful in those occupations would be restricted. Those jobs seem pretty severe and lacking in fun. I know this from similar experiences in my past, performing in musicals and 'strict' bands. Whereas if I chose the "artist" approach, I can compose new pieces and experiment with different sounds to my hearts contempt. I'm still going through a process of figuring out how I will achieve this goal. I chatted with my guitar teacher about some ideas for employment after university. He mentioned all sorts of things which sounded pretty good but the option that resonated the most with me was busking. He said that my playing style would probably work great in a street performance because of its flair. This seems like such a cool idea! I've started to do 30-minute visualizations each day about the person I want to become. It seems quite easy to imagine myself street-performing in many different cities across the UK. There's a deep feeling inside of me that makes me believe that if I chose to follow this path, it would lead on to some bigger opportunities in the future. Of course, the only thing I need is the courage to go out and do it. I've done a bit of street performing before. Enough to know that it can be very scary to present your music to thousands of passers-by. Of those thousands, no more than a hundred will stop and listen to one of your songs. If you're very lucky, two or three people will actually stop and talk to you. But I believe in my ability to make this work. My guitar skills have grown radically over the last few months alone. I'd like to believe that my music is marketable to audiences who love guitar playing. All I need to do is to pluck up the courage to go out, busk for money, and advertise myself to the world. Pick of the day: The Song of the Golden Dragon - Estas Tonne

Entry 59b | Confidence and Decisiveness Theory: Self-confidence is directly proportional to decisiveness. Applying it: If you want to grow in self-confidence, practice making prompt decisions AND following through on them. Today, I received two great insights instead of one. So I figured it would be best to write two journal entries to document both of them! This is the second entry. So now that I have read Think and Grow Rich, I am starting to follow the action steps detailed in the book. One of those action steps is to follow a "Self-Confidence Formula." This is a small sequence of steps which you should read aloud and follow once every day. Midway through this exercise, the insight came to me that my self-confidence is related to my ability to follow through with the decisions I make. It stands to reason that if you make these promises to yourself and then fail to follow up on them, you are going to beat yourself up about it. Therefore, when it comes to making the next decision, your confidence is lowered because you remember the previous times you failed to commit to them. It's a very simple insight that doesn't need much explaining. Yet, it was a mechanism that I only just today became conscious of. One of the decisions I made today was to bring up my commitment issues in a band meeting. Last time we met up, I was very reserved and shy about speaking the truth about my lack of commitment for the band. Today I demanded of myself the self-confidence to own up and speak my mind. When I got to the band room, it turns out that the bassist is the only player there. We've been pretty much best friends throughout university and we can both speak to each other honestly without worrying about offending each other. He is perhaps the only friend I have who has this quality, which is why I think he's awesome. Therefore, I required a lot less courage on this occasion to speak my mind. Once I told him that I felt uncommitted to the band, not only did he understand but he agreed with me that the future of this band is not looking promising. Once he said this, I felt no further need to explain myself. We spent the rehearsal session looking at his recital pieces and then grabbed some food at the pub to catch up. The main thing is that my definiteness of decision about telling the truth had paid off in the end. Of course, I will have to tell the others at another time. But as of my goal for today, I can sleep peacefully knowing that I accomplished what I set out to do. By making a definite decision AND following through with it, my self-confidence will be slightly raised for the next decision that I make. It's as simple as that. So to wrap things up with my own unofficial Self-Confidence Formula: Definiteness of Decision + Completion of Goals = Self-Confidence Don't forget about 59a 2nd Pick of the day: "Zakir Hussain & Rakesh Chaurasia"

Entry 59a | Balancing Work and Play Theory: Whilst it is very important to do hard work to improve yourself, it is equally as important not to lose yourself in the neurosis of working hard. You need to have some time to play around and enjoy life. Applying it: Adopt a playful attitude throughout your day in scenarios that would otherwise be tedious or mundane. Today, I received two great insights instead of one. So I figured it would be best to write two journal entries to document both of them! This is the first entry. Last night, the most bizarre dreams came to me during my sleep. In the first dream, I was in a cooking classroom with fellow students and a sinister, but attractive, female teacher. We felt more like slaves in this classroom than school kids. We all sat in front of our individual cookers and watched as pans of porridge came around on a conveyer belt to each of us. The teacher then made us cook the porridge using the hobs on the highest temperature. Then it just so happened that the porridge would reach such a high temperature that it would somehow cause the classmates and myself to die. Execution by porridge. This dream kept repeating itself in the hope that I would find an escape from it. The second dream involved some kind of theater production. I was playing a worshipping monk with another person. We would kneel, chant, and praise the thing that we were worshipping. This turned out to be an old guy in a dressing gown who seemed to be scratching his itchy arse. I could hear the audience laughing at this scene like a comedy but I kept reaffirming to myself that I must not join in with the laughter. I must remain focused on my job. I left the stage maintaining a straight face. When I woke up, my initial reaction was "What the hell was that about?" I'd be surprised if anyone considered those dreams as being normal. They seemed so completely bizarre that I could have just passed them off as "a weird experience that I will never be able to understand." However, I dug deeper. I spent my morning analyzing the details of the dreams to see if there was a connection between them. What insight was my subconscious mind trying to give me? Then it dawned on me... In both of these dreams, something mundane is presented to be something way more meaningful than it needs to be. Cooking porridge was turned into a 'life or death' situation and the old man with his itchy arse was decorated to be a figure of godly importance. Anyone noticing the subtext? If not, here it is: Stop taking things so seriously! Cooking porridge in the real world is not a 'life or death' situation and old men with itchy arses are no more godly than the rest of us. In my own life, I had been working so hard on my performance that I took it too seriously. I'm making way too big a deal of music performance than it should be. Practice was getting me down recently because of my constant self-criticism and glorification of music performance. Those dreams were made to be so bizarre and ridiculous that there should have been no way of missing the main message: Chill the fuck out! Ever since I made this realization, I have been acting more playful today: singing in the shower, singing on my way to lectures, enjoying the playful vibes in the lectures... Today has just felt magical since the insight. So if you find that you're working yourself to death or overestimating the importance of something in your life, take a minute to question "Why can't I be playful about this?" If you end up with some bizarre dreams that communicate a similar sort of message, listen to them! Stay tuned for 59b 1st Pick of the day: The Funky Avocado - Michael Hedges

Entry 58 | Performing Solo Theory: Solo performance will provide you with the biggest test of nerves possible. You feel the most anxiety when you perform on your own than with other people. Applying it: If you really want to master anxiety, deliberately put yourself in these situations where you take 100% of the pressure. Once you master this, everything else will feel comparatively easy. Today, I performed a few solo guitar pieces in front of a few prospective students for university. As my mindfulness has improved, the high levels of anxiety during performance have entered my awareness. Not only that, but this anxiety is at its strongest whenever I perform solo. Even more specifically, they occur when I'm performing very difficult guitar pieces. Replacing that with pinpoint precision, they occur whenever I'm performing fingerstyle guitar tunes. To dial down the reasons for anxiety to such a narrow degree will be the first step in dealing with it. In any other performance situation, my anxiety levels are converted into excitement levels. This is great news because I can figure out exactly what the circumstances are when I receive high levels of anxiety. This will allow me to recognize what thoughts occur in my mind whilst immersed in these circumstances. Those circumstances provide me with the highest levels of anxiety. In retrospect, they are not ridiculously high. But as my life purpose involves lots of solo performing, this will be my first major obstacle on the path to success. As a result, I need to put myself in these situations and experience the emotions as often as possible. This will have to be done mostly through visualization because performing opportunities aren't daily. I may have discussed my success with visualization in my World Music Performance exam in a previous entry. By visualizing the exam in great detail, my anxiety levels were very low for the real thing. It is a given that performing solo will cause you to feel more anxiety than performing in a group. This is because all pressure is on you to get it right. I'm not just talking about music. Any performance scenario is the same. Whether it'd be in a job interview, doing a best-man speech, teaching a class of school kids, or speaking at a funeral. In all of these scenarios, there's a part of your mind that wishes "Gee I wish someone could be here to help me out with this!" It takes just as much courage to perform in front of hundreds of people as it does to ask your crush out on a date. Why? Because potential failure is riding on your shoulders alone! You have nobody else to blame but yourself. But likewise, if you should succeed, you have nobody else to thank but yourself. To quote Think and Grow Rich: That one success can pardon an unlimited amount of failures beforehand. This should be an incentive to never give up regardless of the circumstances. Sure, I might be feeling slightly too high levels of anxiety during performance scenarios. But WHEN I reach a place where performance will be my life, it will mean jack shit because I will have reached my goal. If I'm honest, I'm perhaps being cautious for the sake of being cautious. Despite my emotions, the performance was a success as far as the audience members were concerned. Perhaps I should let myself enjoy the success rather than numbing it down to heavy criticism. I LOVE seeing facial expressions of awe and inspiration in audience members. Not because it's a way to build the ego, but because it reminds me that I am living in my Zone of Genius. On a deeper level than just music, I want to serve as a living example of what's possible in life. It just so happens that music is a wonderful conduit for that message. THIS is what I must keep reminding myself of every day. I've just had the realization that my "mission statement" is not something that I actively embody as a motto. Perhaps its time to start embracing it. Because not only will it work wonders with my anxiety levels, it will replace those "negative" feelings with deep love, joy, and happiness. After all, nobody enjoys watching a musician perform if he looks terrified, bored, or angry (unless you like going to metal concerts. I can say that from over a year of experience in a metal band). Well, that was a bit of a tangent. All I can say is that doing things on your own is way more emotionally challenging than doing things in groups. So if you ultimately want emotional mastery, make sure that you can hack it on your own first. If you can do it on your own, it will feel like a breeze when you do it with others. Pick of the day: Afraid To Dance - Don Ross

Entry 57 | Decisiveness Theory: Success in any aspect of life largely comes down to your ability to make prompt decisions and stick with them until completion. Indecisiveness is a huge cause of procrastination. Applying it: Highlight the aspects in your life where you are being indecisive. Start developing the habit of making decisions promptly and follow through with the necessary action. Last night, I made the decision to come clean to one of my flatmates about how I feel regarding communal cooking. I told him how unhappy I was that not everybody was cooperating during the cooking stages. We talked it through until we came to the decision to start influencing the other flatmates to cooperate. A few hours ago, we did just that. Nobody was sat watching TV whilst tea was being prepared. Everybody did a good job and tea was made really quickly. This is just a simple example that shows the power of reaching a definite decision and sticking with it. In my mind, I was dead certain that I would refuse to cook communal meals unless everybody was willing to cooperate. Ever since I made up my own mind, regardless of everybody else's, the results have already started to take shape. Before I came to a definite decision, however, I was getting caught up in thought loops that held me back from making a decision. I contemplated whether it would be unreasonable to motivate everybody to put in the effort. But all of this self-talk was a huge waste of time in the end. I knew that it would be more beneficial for everybody in the house to take part in the cooking. Not just because it helped me out, but it would help them to become self-sufficient with cooking. It felt as though there was a lot of injustice in our past behaviors that needed to be rectified and, thankfully, I spoke my mind and made a firm decision. This is perhaps the pettiest piece of bullshit to have ever disgraced this blog, so let me add some substance! During a discussion with my guitar teacher about building a successful career as a musician, he gave me some wonderful insights into the methods of developing a successful career. With all the research I have been doing myself, I was able to pick up on many of the underlying principles in his information. One of those underlying principles was definiteness of decision. Having been a freelance musician for 15 years, he noticed that the most successful musicians tend to be the ones who focus all/most of their energy into one "product" or "service." This could be a band, a teaching school, a workshop leader, a solo artist, and other things. He also said that many of his musician friends struggled during the first 10 years of freelancing because they kept wandering from project to project. What a beautiful insight! Maybe I can take a 'shortcut' through those 10 years of indecisiveness if I focus on my definite chief aim in life and stick with it. For years now, I have been dreaming about the lifestyle of a master guitarist who performs new and innovative music around the world. This insight gives me all the more reason to pursue this dream like a motherfucker! In fact, I would like to take this opportunity to reaffirm my decision to pursue this goal. The lifestyle of a master musician is the one I seek. Not a mediocre musician, nor an expert musician. A MASTER musician. The kind of musician that can create the most beautiful and innovative music ahead of their time. The kind of musician that copies the work of no other musicians and, likewise, no other musicians can copy his. The kind of musician that fears nothing regarding criticism or poverty. There are no IFs or BUTs. As far as the present moment is concerned, this is my definite life purpose. No other path in life will satisfy the creative muse within me. It may mean that I do other things like teaching in order to fund my pursuit of becoming an artist. But that will only continue until I make that "lucky break." I don't know every step that I need to get there yet, but my best bet is to start busking on streets, make recordings, shoot videos, develop my website, and general things like that which will make my "product" a lot easier to market. And also it won't be easy. It will mean turning down other opportunities and startup ideas that come my way. But so long as my definiteness of decision is absolute, I will be giving myself the best shot at becoming successful. So there. Was that enough substance? From the research I have done and the insights I have received today from my guitar teacher, I cannot question the importance of being decisive. Not only is it important regarding big decisions in life like career paths, relationships, and so on, but it is extremely important in the smaller aspects of life. This could be your choice of clothes, food, hairstyle, phone brand, bog roll... All of the little decisions require effort just as equally as the big decisions. If you allow yourself to waiver in your choices, you waste your energy. If you're someone who struggles to decide what to wear each day, become a Steve Jobs and wear the same outfit every day. That will allow you to save up your focus and energy on the bigger decisions in life. Also, I've been thinking about doing voice narration with my podcasts. While it's only for a bit of fun, I think it would help me develop a good, strong speaking voice. When the weekend rolls around, I will adjust my schedule to accommodate time for this. Because as decisiveness is so important, I've already decided how my time this week is going to be spent! I'll leave a link to one of my guitar teacher's videos as an invisible "thank you" from myself for his insights today. Pick of the day: Express Yourself - Danny Maddocks

Entry 56 | No Pain No Gain Theory: If you want to reach success with your goals, you will have to put up with a lot of emotional pain to get there. Maybe even physical pain. Applying it: If one of your excuses for procrastination is due to experiencing pain, stress, or frustration, recognize that this is a necessity for completing your goals and soldier on. Keep focused on your desire to complete the goal as you put up with the pain. My guitar practice has become grueling and painful recently. There is a certain musical passage that I need to learn for my recital in May that requires extraordinary strength in my fingers. I have been working on this for months now and I am still met with failure in 99% of attempts. Every time I come to practice this passage, my mind screams "NOOOO!" But there is a very good reason why I put myself through the pain. Not only is the pain comparatively average compared with other things, but my main objective is to improve. I could very easily give up on that piece and learn something easier. But if I did that for the rest of my life, my growth would stop altogether. The well-being of my fingers has been sacrificed for guitar-playing skills. My fingertips are hard with calluses and my fingernails are super short on my left hand and super long on my right hand. This would be undesirable for anyone who didn't want to become a guitar player. But I embrace it because of my deep love of guitar playing and music making. I will concede that I was met with some emotional pain during my practice today. The aim was to spend 4 hours straight on guitar playing but after 2 hours, my will-power gave in. My fingers were extremely sensitive because of the pressure I had been putting them under in the name of progress. Maybe that's an indicator that I should spread out the 4 hours throughout the day next time. Although, if I'd have just reaffirmed my purpose and not given up, I may have continued to practice. Yesterday I spend a fair few hours working on that difficult passage. The results were pretty horrendous, starting from "not bad" and ending with "awful." Things seemed impossible for the time being. But when I picked it up again this afternoon, my first result was almost a complete success! I managed to play most of the notes correctly with only a few muffled notes on my first attempt. As fatigue wore in, my attempts became lower in quality and my fingers became sensitive again. My theory is that if I can continue to focus on my desire to perform that passage perfectly, it will inevitably happen provided I maintain persistence. In the hours when I don't play guitar, clearly, something happens to my fingers that make them stronger and more able to finish the job the next time around. If I can just keep going with this method, I will master it eventually. Of course, this is a very personal example from my musical background. There aren't that many coveted goals that require physical pain in order to attain them. In fact, emotional pain is the most abundant product during the pursuit of all goals. If you're searching for that dream partner, you have to deal with all the people that reject you as well as the people that you must reject. If you're looking to start a business, you must be ready for the many failures and, in the worst cases, bankruptcies that will follow before you built the perfect business. If you want to maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle, you have to be ready to turn down all of your friends' offers to drink alcohol, do drugs, eat junk food, and so on. That is why life after university is daunting me. I need to develop the courage to face all of these emotions if I am to succeed as a performing musician. I have done a lot of the hard work already to reach my level of mastery with the performance of music. The challenging aspects are going to be finding business associates that can help me accomplish my goals, developing a fan base, and earning money. All I know is that pain will come on this journey of growth. Even the thought of accepting the "no-self" is a painful process. If I am to achieve any success in my goals, I need to start accepting that pain is just another form of resistance. If I accept the pain and open up to it, I can see it as an indicator that progress is being made. Obviously, it's a very selective type of pain. For instance, I don't want to accept the pain of sawing off my hands. Nor do I need to be dealing with any relationship pains, friendship pains or university work-related pains. All I need to do is accept that a price must be paid for my desires to attain a goal. Namely, time, effort, and PAIN. Pick of the day: Salvation Army Band - Phil Keaggy

Entry 55 | Frustration Theory: Frustration is not an emotion, as such. It is the product of resistance to the present moment. Applying it: Let go of the resistance in order to experience the true emotions that lie beneath. About 2 hours ago, I left home to return back to university. It takes about an hour to drive from home to Sheffield. There's something about driving that I find very therapeutic. It's a wonderful space in which you can reflect on your life and your thoughts. And yet, to so many people, driving brings with it a heap of frustrations! We happily allow ourselves to drive slightly above the speed limit, but as soon as someone overtakes us, they are the worst drivers in the world that ought to be put in jail! I have since grown out of that phase. In fact, whilst driving up to Sheffield, I took the opportunity to look for the True Self. It was amazing to become aware of the subconscious processes of the brain that help to drive a car from A to B. I witnessed it in such a way that it seemed obvious that there was no 'me' driving that car. But as I got closer to Sheffield, I noticed an old friend return to me: frustration. This is no doubt a result of my constant criticism of my flatmates. It's not a good habit that I've created. It needs to stop urgently. But when you shine awareness on frustration, it suddenly dissolves and turns into something else. Sometimes, it reveals a hidden desire for change that you have resisted taking action towards. Hence, the frustration. When I let go of my frustration, what was left was a desire to separate from my flatmates. Here I am trying to develop self-mastery through success, fitness, healthy eating, and emotional mastery. But my flatmates don't share the same passions. They seem to have no desires of this nature. They are happy to let me cook food for them, motivate them to go to the gym and make most of the decisions for them without offering compliments. Otherwise, they would just eat microwave meals, binge-watch TV and take no action whatsoever. This desire will eventually become a reality once I graduate and move back home. But there are still about 5 months to go. The last thing I want to be doing is resisting the present moment due to the mere presence of my flatmates. It's come to the point where I feel discouraged from reaching my potential whenever they are around. The best thing I can hope for is to start setting some boundaries. For instance, if they choose not to help me out with the cooking, I will refuse to cook for them. It seems harsh but it's a fair exchange. I'm not forcing them to cook with me. I'm giving them the decision to act for themselves rather than relying on me to do it. If they decide not to help out, I will follow through with my promise. If they would rather cook their own food, then fair enough. They can make the decisions about their own food without passing that burden onto me. Think and Grow Rich has given me plenty of reason to believe that a strong desire for something can, and will eventually lead to the necessary action to get it. As I set these boundaries, my focus is on cooperation. There are flatmates who will happily sit back and expect their food to be cooked for them without contributing their effort. They will miss out on gaining cooking skills that will allow them to rely on something other than takeaways and microwave meals. I do it in their best interests. Also, it makes my life much easier if everybody contributes in a small way. There should not be an imbalance of workload between everyone who wants a communal meal. If it were only me making tea for myself, I would happily do all the cooking myself without relying on anybody to do it for me. And there are times where I feel charitable and cook tea for people voluntarily. However, it's a very different story when flatmates expect you to cook for them every single day without compensation. If I have learned anything today, I have learned that frustrations can be wonderful indicators of suppressed desires that call for change. Of course, sometimes the circumstance cannot be changed. And for those instances, it'd take a separate journal entry to talk about how to accept circumstances without wanting to change them. However, my current situation is something that I know can change with sufficient courage. In politeness, I would say sorry to anyone who interprets my entry today as nothing more than a rant at my flatmates. But I feel it's better to be honest about my feelings rather than suppress them. If anything, I am reaffirming myself of the importance of this desire within me. It needs to be dealt with urgently. Maybe then I will feel less inclined to criticize. Pick of the day: Groove Or Die - Andy Timmons

Entry 54 | Free Creativity Theory: If you force yourself to be creative, often the result will feel ingenuine and mediocre at best. If you allow yourself the freedom to create what you want, creativity flows much smoother and, often, to a greater result. Applying it: Let your mind wander freely throughout the creative process. It's not procrastination, it's finding your feet. When I was preparing with the folk trio for the performance exam, our aim was to prepare 20mins of music for the exam. However, we chose to ignore the information and concentrate on our repertoire regardless of time constraints. Our rehearsals were extremely laid back. We had lots of fun experimenting with ideas and arrangements of pieces. We had so many ideas that we could pick and choose the ideas that worked the best. After we completed the arrangements of three pieces, we decided to do a dress rehearsal for the final exam and check how long it took. This included performing all three pieces and talk-time in between. At the end, we were amazed to discover that we had comfortably reached the target of 20mins, give or take only a few seconds. Throughout 12 weeks of rehearsing, we never once let the target of 20mins influence our creativity. We also didn't need to force the creativity as we had lots of time on our hands. The flow of creativity was smooth and energetic: a very addictive force of nature! This leads onto today's topic. The idea is that you should let no force on this earth determine your creative flow. Time constraints, money, and possessions should have no bearing on your capacity to create. If you allow these things to become obstacles for you, your creative capacity becomes rigid. The most important thing to bear in mind when creating something is "What assets do I have NOW that I can use?" The first thing that people will think of is something physical. For the privileged person, this could include a laptop with internet access, a car, an office, lots of money, a passport, and so on. For someone with less material possessions, this could be something much simpler like a strong voice, good fitness, good appearance, or even the most fundamentally useful tool: the brain. Then there is the other aspect to consider: "How can I use these assets to create something?" This aspect is the most important part of creativity because it requires sufficient imagination. Like any other skill, imagination is something you can get good at with sufficient practice. This could take the form of visualisation. When you harness your imagination, you can find all sorts of ways in which to apply it. As a musician, I enjoy the art of composition and improvisation. Both of which require imagination and experimentation. When I look at a resonant object like a wok or a pan, my imagination comes to life with all sorts of ideas about how I can extract those sounds to use in a piece of music. This has been my latest project. I'll link an Instagram video that I posted a few days ago where I have (a bit too much) fun making music with some knick-knacks in my bedroom. Essentially, these two questions should be the only thing that you need in order to let your imagination run wild. If you are worrying about how much money you have or if you think it's a waste of time, then go ahead and worry. You will be missing out on an opportunity to let your imagination wander freely. The best part about letting your creativity flow freely is that you never know where it might lead you. I definitely never expected to become so fascinated with simple household objects. But that is the ultimate benefit: your perception of existence changes with your creative ideas. No longer do I see my body as just "a body." It is, in fact, another percussion instruments. My hands are constantly drumming on my legs, chest, head, cheeks, and stomach with the desire to explore the sounds and rhythms that are possible. I often wonder what people at the gym think when they hear frantic body slapping in the shower cubicle! If you can treat reality as a playground for your imagination to run wild, then there is never a dull moment. You will never feel like you're lacking something, nor will your need anything material to be creative. Creativity is a state of mind. You're never doing creative, you're BEING creative. I'll also link a TED Talk from a composer called Mark Applebaum. He demonstrates how his creative mind led him to all sorts of endeavours through the simple emotion of boredom. It serves as a fine example for everything in this journal entry. Instagram Post - Whacking Knick Knacks! (go easy on me, I'm a beginner on this instrument) Pick of the day: The mad scientist of music - Mark Applebaum

Entry 53 | Illness and Negative Emotion Theory: Just as illnesses remind you to pay attention to your body, negative emotion occurs to remind you to pay attention to your mind. Applying it: When you sense negative emotion, embrace it and heed its warning. Just to put it out there, I'm not ill! There are some minor 'illnesses' that people get which can serve as a wake-up call regarding the body. When I say 'illnesses,' I mean typical health problems that can come and go. As an example, adult acne is there to remind me to clean up my diet, which I have been doing. Also, obesity occurs because of a person's lack of daily exercise. There's nothing inherently bad about these things. With the right perspective, you should be able to pay attention to these changes in the body and make the connection that you need to honour it better. In a lot of cases, these 'illnesses' serve as a reflection of your inner game. Negative emotions work in the same way. If you feel the presence of depression, frustration, boredom, or anxiety throughout your day, that is your mind's way of saying "pay attention to me!" in the same way that the body creates health problems. I've talked about negative emotion before as being non-existent. The 'negative' aspect is, in fact, your resistance to paying attention to the emotion, which is neutral. If you let go of the resistance, you can experience the emotion as it is meant to appear. And when that happens, you wonder why you have been resisting it for so long. In some cases, the emotion comes and goes in a fleeting moment. In most cases, however, the emotion will trigger a thought or insight of great importance to your growth. For that reason, it is imperative that you embrace the emotions. The best way to do this is to stop what you are doing, close your eyes if necessary, and simply experience the emotion in its neutral state. Don't try to hurry it away or get rid of it: that constitutes resistance. Just let it take over your mind by giving it your full attention. Usually, you only have to sit with that emotion for about 5 minutes before it begins to change. Although, it can take much longer. If it disappears into nothingness, don't feel let down that you haven't experienced an insight. Emotions are unpredictable. Some will just enter and leave your perception without any reason. If that happens, appreciate the beauty of the moment and move on with your day. You should no longer feel negative. If you are lucky enough to receive a thought impulse or an insight after sitting with the emotion, good for you! This will give you an opportunity to make positive changes in your life that align with your highest values. For example, I was feeling pretty negative the entire afternoon. I was developing my website and doing some online work that had to be done. While all of these things were important for accomplishing my goals, there was a negative energy possessing me. I couldn't name the emotion, but there was a lot of resistance there. In response to this, I put my laptop to one side and sat on my bed. My focus was purely on the emotion. After only 5 minutes, a thought impulse entered my head: "What are you doing? Professional musicians don't spend this long in the day working on their website. Practice your guitar pieces!" The insight made so much sense to me. Website building is not an activity of my Zone of Genius. Music-making is! I picked up the guitar and practiced for a total of 3 hours. That's 3 hours of heavy-duty practice without procrastination. But every second of it was a joy. What started out as a negative emotion became rocket fuel for my actions. Rather than denying or suppressing the emotion, I let go of resistance and welcomed it into my awareness. As a result, I realigned with my Zone of Genius. Surely that's a much more desirable outcome than today's cultured way of dealing with emotions: by pretending that everything is fine and suffering in silence? If it's not too quick to assume, this may be the key to unlocking emotional mastery. Pick of the day: May You Never - John Martyn

Entry 52 | Think and Grow Rich Phwoar! What a book. Of all the books on Leo's book list, this is the one that I had heard about the most. With a title like that, the mission statement of the book is obvious: to educate the reader about the principles of success. And with 25 years of research being the basis for this book, there's no denying that Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill is incredibly thorough. It is so thorough that it actually felt difficult to digest all of the information on the first read. I will no doubt be returning to this book time and time again throughout the majority of my life. The action steps are also detailed, well-justified, and plentiful. When I tried to carry out the first set of action steps in Chapter 2, I felt a gap in my knowledge when it told me to "create a definite plan for carrying out your desire." It was evident that in order to even make a start on these action steps, I must first read the book in its entirety and digest all of its information. It perhaps wasn't the easier reads I've come across due to some of the choices in language and due to the fact that this book was written around 80 years ago. However, the wisdom that went into writing this book is absolute. I feel a sense of triumph for having made it to the end. I can't even remember how many days I've been reading it! But after that inspiring read, the time has come to put these teachings into action. And believe me, this book doesn't leave you thinking "well, what should I do now?" The action steps provided are not one-time. They are there to create a continuous habit of searching for success. Although I haven't started yet because I've only just finished reading the book, I can recognize the power behind these action steps. The author provides assurance that you can create anything you want in life with an abundance of anecdotes. Some of which are taken from the lives of Thomas A. Edison, Henry Ford and Andrew Carnegie. Hill's mission with this book was to make the reader realize that the power to live a rich life lies within your inner game. Mission successful! I have no idea what the next book on my list is going to be. Personally, I want to sit longer with Think and Grow Rich, The Big Leap, and The War Of Art. It takes time to properly assimilate the principles and teachings explained in these books, let alone applying them. Pick of the day: Siúil a Rún (Walk my Love) - Celtic Woman

Entry 51 | Mind Over Matter Theory: If you can visualize yourself doing something, you can achieve it if you have faith in your abilities! Applying it: Focus solely on your visualizations. Concentrate on your inner universe, not your outer universe. This is one of those realizations that seems obvious when you recognize it. You can achieve anything you want to achieve if you focus on your inner universe of imagination, thoughts, emotions, and everything regarding your creative Muse. You don't need to rely on the outer universe of sight, sound, and sensation in order to accomplish your goals. For many people today, this insight doesn't ring as being true to them. They create excuses about lack of money, lack of education, lack of concentration, lack of limbs, lack of time... Lack of pretty much everything. These excuses feel so justified to them that they will ignore or ridicule this insight because it doesn't gel well with their web of beliefs. I was one of these people. To some extent, I still am. The voice inside my head presents all sorts of excuses about how "impossible" it is to live the life I've always wanted. But after a quick blast on the guitar a few minutes ago, I was reminded of this insight on a practical level. In my earlier entry entitled "Entry 37: How To Learn," I talked about the learning process as "delivering information to your subconscious mind." This occurs under two conditions: deliberate practice, and faith. The insight that I received today was regarding the 'deliberate practice' aspect. To clarify what the insight is: The truest way to learn a skill, principle, or teaching, is to imagine yourself having already mastered it during practice. In other words: Focus on imagination, not sight, sound, or sensation. When I started my guitar practice, my focus was completely on what my fingers were doing. Although that sounds like the logical thing to be doing for a guitarist, it actually felt uncomfortable to play the music, which will be my pick of the day. By solely paying attention to where my fingers were going, I prevented the music from flowing through me. It was like I was forcing the music out with a crowbar. So I took a moment to close my eyes and focus inward, rather than outward. This is where the magic happened. As I played the music with my eyes closed, suddenly it started to flow. By not looking at my guitar, hearing the notes, or feeling my fingers, I was able to tap into my imagination and experience my desires for the music. This worked like a visualization exercise. I imagined the music in its most raw and pure form. I focused on the perfection of the music without dwelling on what my other senses were doing. I was still aware of my sights (or lack of), sounds and sensations but my focus was completely on my imagination. The more vivid I could make the imagination, the smoother the transmutation occurred from idea to reality. To an outsider, it would seem like an impossible task to perform a difficult guitar piece without looking at what your fingers are doing. I was there, once. But now that I have some understanding of the process of learning, I know where to focus my efforts. All efforts must go towards visualization, not towards the physical world. This insight also explains why I have been finding other things difficult in my life. I have spent months trying to develop my technique in order to master some of the most difficult guitar pieces to no avail. Why is that? Because I have a weak visualization of myself performing that technique effortlessly. If my visualization were strong enough, I would have learned it by now. Of course, I have only talked about the musical side of this insight. But in retrospect, the art of mastering music is an accurate reflection of the art of mastering life. This same insight, which came to me in a musical concept, can be applied to anything that I want to develop mastery over. Everything, from my academic grades to my relationship status, is a reflection on how vivid my positive visualizations are. The most important lesson that I have gained from this is that I must not focus solely on the physical world to accomplish my goals. I must concentrate on my inner game. I must develop positive visualizations and make them as strong as possible if I want something to change in the physical world. Pick of the day: Chet Stuff - Doyle Dykes

Entry 50 | Reflection It has reached the point where I am having to look at my journal entries to remind myself what I have been up to! All I can care about now is the present moment. I don't pass any consideration what happened a week ago, a day ago, or even a few hours ago. My perspective of life has dramatically changed since I started this journal 50 days ago. These last 50 days have felt like an eternity in the best way possible. Time just seems to be flowing at the moment. My understanding of the present moment and the True Self is growing. That much is evident when I allow myself to meditate recently. Today's meditation session was no exception. My vision of the living room (where I meditated) became psychedelic. It shined with new colors that I couldn't find a word to describe. As I spoke myself into a deep trance, I lost my identity from my own voice. My bodily sensations opened up as if a divine spirit filled my body. Throughout that whole experience, my calm and peacefulness persisted. Nothing freaked me out this time. It may have been the experience I ran away from last summer when I first realized that sights, sounds, and sensations are illusory. My ego back then tried to protect me from opening up to the truth. But alas, everything feels deeply comfortable now. There is still work to be done. I need to contemplate the whole concept of death until it no longer provides me with fear. At times, I can remain focused enough to understand that the body, the language, and the thoughts are not part of my identification. But for most of the day, I continue to identify with them. My work will consist of prolonging my concentration throughout most of the day until I reach the point where I have completely severed my identification with existence. On the more personal aspect of my life, my purpose is still coming together. My biggest aspiration is to be able to connect with my creative muse so deeply that I can produce some groundbreaking discoveries with music. I love the creative process behind music and I want my life to be filled with this creative process. It is my desire to take these musical compositions and perform them around the world. Traveling is one thing, but to travel with the intent of sharing my music is a duty that I want to carry out. The compositions that "I" create are, of course, the works of the creative muse, not my identity. This desire is far deeper than just wanting to be this professional musician who has all the money, all the skills, and all of the materialistic bonuses that any Ego would strive for. It is more like a quest or a mission. I must surrender myself completely to the creative Muse that fuels me and do the necessary work that needs to be done in its name. I have no choice in the matter. I don't know why my creative Muse sings its musical ideas to me. All I know is that I must serve it. I am still hammering through Think and Grow Rich and re-reading the other books I have at the moment. The hope is that I can use the tools presented in these books to remain focused on this career path and ultimately reach the place that I desire to be in. Not only do I want to be performing music all over the world, I want to be in a position where I can offer my wisdom to people who need it. People in the position that I was in during the start of my self-actualization journey. I want to help people reach their full potential as a human being by first living it for myself, and then sharing important insights to others. If I were to die during my sleep tonight, I would be happy with the progress I have made. My growth has been extraordinary to the point that I can no longer recognize my past self. When people tell me stories about myself from last year, it feels like they are describing a totally different person. However, the previous statement is not intended to put my present self on any kind of pedestal against the person I was. There is still a lot more work to be done. I feel like a beginner at self-actualization, rather than an expert. The trajectory of my life has yet to be discovered. But as of right now, I am no longer suffering from worry, criticism, anger, or fear on a daily basis. That was me 2 years ago. Now, I feel hopeful, faithful, and contempt with life. The prospects of living an extraordinary life are higher now than they ever have been in my whole life. And they could still be so much higher. I've grown such a deep love for life over the last few days. May it continue to grow stronger. Pick of the day: Danny Boy - The King's Singers

On one hand, we are encouraged to "improve ourselves" by making changes to our diets, fitness regimes, daily routines, relationships, beliefs, and other aspects of our life. On the other hand, we are encouraged to embrace the present moment wholeheartedly without the need to make changes to it. Contemplating this paradox brings a wonderful energy with it. I'd love to hear some discussion on it.

Interesting answers It springs another idea to mind. The present moment is perfect as it is. And yet, the processes through which the Ego creates suffering could be considered as imperfections in our perception of existence. But even that can be considered as perfection because it is just as inherent as every other experience in life. The suffering created by the Ego is just as perfect as the deepest joys in life. Without the Ego, nobody would be here with the intention of raising their consciousness. Yet we strive to eliminate the Ego because we want to remove our suffering. That act in itself suggests that one believes in the imperfections of life, even though the present moment is perfect! Maybe there is no such concept as perfection/imperfection.

Entry 49 | Deep Peace Theory: When you receive the insight that you are whole and complete as you are, you lose the neurosis to search for external factors that build your self-worth. Applying it: Spend many hours raising your awareness and questioning your existence every day until the insight arises from within. This entry is being written directly after a deeply fulfilling meditation session. I feel incredibly calm and peaceful after contemplating this insight for a few days now. It's such a deep insight that I struggle to find a way to describe it meaningfully. Throughout most of my self-actualization journey, I have been pursuing ways to 'improve myself.' This would include improving my diet, my fitness, my daily routines, my musicianship, my meditation strategies, my relationships, my confidence, and many other things. But the insight I have received goes completely against this notion. It states that I don't need to take any action whatsoever in order to feel whole and complete. There is nothing you can do to "improve yourself" because the present moment is exactly as it is supposed to be, and you are exactly as you are supposed to be. I've heard of this paradox before. On one hand, you are encouraged to make changes in your life by eating healthily, exercising well, earning money, maintaining healthy relationships, mastering emotions, and so on. On the other hand, you are encouraged to embrace the present moment wholeheartedly without needing any kind of change. Now that I have experienced this paradox directly, I can appreciate it more deeply. There are many other insights that fuel this bigger insight. There is the realization that suffering is caused by the identification of the Ego with thoughts, sights, sounds, feelings, emotions, and with its own Ego. By dropping identification with everything in existence, the resistance to the present moment is removed. It can be perceived in its true form. There is also the realization that the Ego creates a sense of lack. By identifying with all forms as being "mine" and that "I" am the one perceiving these things, a separation is created between the Ego and the Self. An incompleteness is created. You roam around seeking knowledge, sex, material possessions, happiness, and so on in order to fulfill this self-image you have of yourself. Namely, your Ego. Upon reading previous entries in this journal, the words appear to be fresh and new without any need for identification of myself with them. Some of the concepts described in this journal no longer ring as being true anymore. In this present moment, there is no need to worry, criticize, blame or resist. I am content to sit here, become more aware of my breathing and heartbeat, and just experience the joy of being alive right now. There is no NEED to play music, watch TV, read books, check Facebook, or do any other activity in order to feel at one with existence. I am at peace already. And as I watch this life go by along with the lives of my parents, friends, pets, and strangers, I hope to maintain this level of awareness and remember that it is not MY life. There is no "I" to take ownership of it. Because even the voice in my head that says "This is my life" is a thought that bears no relation to the ultimate truth. Pick of the day: Freedom of Speech - Liquid Tension Experiment

Entry 48 | No Excuses Theory: The ego will often come up with excuses and justifications to prevent you from taking action. You should aim to work against all of these excuses if you want to create the results you desire. Applying it: When you notice excuses and justifications to stop taking action, become aware of the long-term effects that will follow if you choose to accept them. In a word, failure. I have made many excuses in my life for not taking action. So many that I can't even begin to list them out. But what I have learned is that, ultimately, failure is the result of excuses. Success is the result of persistence to work against those excuses. Here are some examples that I have come across in my own life. Recently, I returned to my parents house to make the most of my last week of 'freedom' before my final semester at university begins. As soon as I arrived, the heater broke. We have no hot water, no central heating, and no shower services. When the idea of playing guitar entered my head, an excuse popped into my head: "I can't feel my fingers so I won't be able to play very well." Rather than falling for the excuse, I reminded myself that if I want to be a professional guitar player, I need to be prepared against all the odds. There have been gigs in my past that have required me to play in the coldest climates possible in the UK. The coldest gig I ever played was during an Earth Hour celebration where I performed outdoors at night time. There was NO feeling in my fingertips. But I had to deal with it myself. And there will be many other incidences in the future where I will have to toughen up and continue no matter what. In recognition of this, I discarded the excuse of it being too cold and I continued to play guitar. After an hour's worth of playing in the cold, my fingers warmed up to the point that my palms began to sweat. This experience was invaluable because it provided me with knowledge about how to combat the cold. If there are any cold gigs in the future, I know that I need to set aside an hour or two to warm up my fingers before I perform. Another example of an excuse I caught myself making was "I can't meditate right now." This excuse comes at times when I'm engaging with other people, with another activity, and other times when my mind was preoccupied with other things. My rigid thinking pattern was that in order to meditate, I have to schedule the time on my calendar, sit cross-legged on my bed, and do nothing. Then I questioned this excuse: "Why can't I just meditate right now?" The loosest definition for meditation is 'to pay attention to one's mind.' Or even plainer: 'to raise awareness.' There was no reason why I could not do these things whilst doing something else at the same time. If I am talking with someone, I can become aware of the thought processes in my head which, in turn, trigger my responses. If I am playing guitar, there's no reason I can't use that activity to raise awareness of my thoughts and other parts of my body. Once I discarded this excuse, that meant that I could use any opportunity to raise my awareness. Rather than relying on my circumstances in order to start meditating, I freed myself to meditate on my own accord without needing my circumstances to be ideal. The main thing to remember is that excuses cause failure. In every walk of life, the ego will create excuses to protect itself. Especially on this self-actualization journey which involves the unwiring of the ego, there will be many incidences in which my ego will try to throw me off-course because it recognises its own extinction on this journey. One must keep focused on his goals and also on the present moment. If you feel no urge to pursue your goals in the present moment, maybe you are creating excuses for yourself. Become aware of those excuses and understand the inevitable failure they will give you in the long term. Only then can you hope to accomplish your goals and live the life of your dreams. Pick of the day: Because It's There - Michael Hedges

Entry 47 | Identification with Form Theory: Whenever you identify a body, object, thought, emotion or sense as "mine," you strengthen your Ego. To eliminate this, become aware of the illusion of "I" or "my" and observe these beings for what they truly are. Applying it: Notice all the instances in which you refer to something as "mine." Question your reasoning for each incidence until you finally appreciate the fact that there is no "I." Following on from yesterday, my perspective of existence is beginning to change. I realised that my identification was with my body, thoughts, feelings and so on. Now, I am going through a process of unwiring these beliefs and looking for the truth. Even as I type these words, the truth is still ringing out to me that there IS no such thing as "I." Although, in conversation, there is a tendency to use such words as "I" and "my" in order to communicate clearly through language. But now, these words are starting to lose their identity to me. I no longer feel the need to look at the word "I" and think "That's me. That's part of my identity." It feels incredibly strange to be able to use these words through text and feel no necessity to identify with them. Even when my parents called me by the name "Liam," there was a detachment there that I had never felt before. It feels very unusual to be both questioning my identity and to have other people use words that they believe identifies with you. I made this realisation a few years ago. My interests were to eliminate the ego and, sure enough, I came across the truth about identity. Namely, there was no such thing as "Liam" in this world. The word "Liam" was just a label that was thrown at me after birth. People could refer to me by any other names (like wanker!) but those labels would not have any control over my life. However, I was a younger lad back then. I failed to appreciate the staggering depth of that insight. Now, though, I can understand this truth on a deeper level. It is not the labels that control my life. It is my identification with those labels that control my life. They control it by planting the seed of misery and suffering which will later bloom in my life if I don't take action against it. One of the most profound meditation experiences happened to me during last summer. During a state of deep concentration, I started questioning whether my body or surroundings existed or not. The justifications that arose went along the lines of "well, of course, they exist because I can see, hear and feel them." But upon recognition of my excuses, I started to question the validity of these things. That's when I felt an emotion rise within me which I can only hope to describe with words. It was a state of godly terror crossed with a humbling sense of awe. Even that amazing experience didn't last. Within a few days, I felt myself return back to normal. Maybe on some days, I completely forgot about it. It may have been the case that I decided to run away from that impossible truth and try and forget it happened. It really was terrifying because it threatened everything that I had ever believed in. As the months went on, I started to understand the ego more and more. The time would come when I would have to return to that truth and come to terms with it. I sincerely hope that this is the start of that process. Now that I can see how the ego is using identification with entities to create suffering in my life, I can better grasp the truth that this body, this house, these words, this entire existence, is not "mine." Furthermore, by constantly identifying with both the internal and external universes, a sense of lack is created. This lack would make me desire more money, more musical instruments, more knowledge, more peace of mind, more this and more that. My reasoning for wanting these things would be because I would feel "incomplete" without these things in my life. Yet, when you remove your personal identification from these things, you realise that none of these things have the ability to provide you with completeness, integrity or fulfilment. I've been able to sustain this truth for a good portion of the day. When the Ego's neurotic attempts to persuade me to indulge in something external like eating chocolate, my focus on this truth saved me from giving in. I've felt completely at peace all day without succumbing to the Ego's mindgames. I must continue to remind myself not to identify with anything that I see, hear, or feel in either the internal or external universe. Pick of the day: Studio n.4 - Pino Forastiere

Entry 46 | Resisting the Present Moment Theory: The only reason why you experience negative emotion is because of the added component of resistance. There is no positive or negative emotion. There is only emotion. Applying it: When you notice yourself feeling negative, recognise that you are resisting an emotion inside of you. Simply let go of that resistance and embrace the present moment for what it is. Then, you will feel unburdened by negativity. It must have been the last night or so that I received this insight. Conceptually, I could believe that there was no such thing as positive or negative emotion. However, there were certain emotions within me that I considered as 'bad' emotions. Things like boredom, anger, anxiety, emptiness, and depression were all emotions that I wanted to avoid feeling. I could see the flaw in this way of thinking. If I wanted to truly master my emotions, I must be receptive to ALL emotions. Furthermore, there is no such thing as 'good' or 'bad' emotions. These are just inventions of the mind to label certain feelings. I recognised that I have this bias to feel some emotions more than others. I wanted to feel joyful, happy and peaceful all of the time without ever feeling depressed, frustrated, or hollow. That's when the insight hit me. It was not so much the fact that some emotions were 'bad.' Rather, it was my resistance to those emotions that felt bad. I'll use an example that I've seen described by others. If you examine the emotion of Anxiety/Fear, you will discover that this emotion has the exact same physiological characteristics as Excitement. These include accelerated heart rate, heightened alertness, and a strong dose of adrenaline. However, it is widely assumed that Anxiety/Fear is a negative emotion whilst Excitement is a positive one. In the case of Anxiety/Fear, if you resist feeling that emotion, the resistance creates a negative energy around the emotion. This often intensifies to the point where some people may even faint or become ill. Whereas, if you let go of the resistance and you allow yourself to remain present with the emotion, you drop the need to condemn that emotion as being a 'bad' emotion. You just acknowledge what that emotion feels like and by doing so with an open mind, you can completely remove the venomous sting that is often associated with Anxiety/Fear. When a person segregates emotions into good and bad, they simultaneously create resistance to bad emotions and create an addicting desire to feel the good emotions. This explains so much about why people behave the way they do. Rather than feeling the necessary fear you need to have in order to chase your dream career, marriage or lifestyle, people choose instead to chase the excitement of partying, watching movies, smoking, drinking, and all manner of activities that are popular in Western culture. The moment I sat down to write this entry, I was feeling very negative. So negative that I didn't feel like I could write anything down without complaining about my feelings. Thankfully, I reminded myself of the insight that resistance is the cause of my suffering. I should have seen it coming, to be honest. The War of Art dedicates an entire third of its text to describing the ways in which Resistance causes us to fail. It really is that important. Once I remembered the insight, there was an extra boost of resistance when it came to applying the insight. My ego was telling me "No, I want to drown in my own misery. I can't always strive for better." It is scary to think that these thoughts are a possibility that anyone could believe in. But maintaining my persistence, I dropped all of my resistance and experienced my emotion for what it truly was. By doing this, my negative perception of the emotion dissolved into a neutral one. The emotion, without appearing either good or bad, appeared in its truest form. The most interesting part was how quickly it disappeared after this revelation. This emotion, which I was resisting, appeared and disappeared in a fleeting moment, without me ever being able to find a label for it. I cannot find a word to describe the emotion I was feeling. The only thing that I can be sure of is that I can now feel relief and peaceful about the present moment. There was nothing worth resisting in the first place. Maybe, then, I have been identifying with my emotions incorrectly. Back when I was trying to overcome my anxiety problems 2 years ago, it was useful for me to label my emotions so that I could become conscious of them. Now that I have grown up a little more, perhaps it is time to reevaluate this tactic. Because emotions are clearly not simple enough to describe using one word like "fear" and "anger." My understanding, for now, is that there are two components that cause "negative emotion." The first component is the neutral emotion which, in its purest form, is independent of both good and bad. The second component is my perspective of that emotion. This is the lens through which the emotion appears good or bad and, therefore, this is the component of the Ego. it is the voice that says "Emotion A is more desirable than Emotion B, so let's chase after that!" By clinging to this second component, resistance is created. I resist seeing the emotion in its true form. If I remove this component, what am I left with? Emotion. In the same way, by removing the word "negative" from "negative emotion," you are left with "emotion." The words "positive" and "negative" are words that our Ego attaches to Emotion to create this segregation between desirable emotions and undesirable emotions. If we truly want to eliminate the component of the Ego, we must let go of this segregation. That means when we feel the deepest joys on Earth, we must not treat them any differently than our lowest levels of depression. So to wrap it up, "negative emotion" doesn't exist. Emotions exist as neutral beings free of labels and morality. Our Ego's perspective of the emotion is the source of resistance and, therefore, is the source of suffering. When you catch yourself feeling negative, become aware of the resistance to experience the emotion in its neutral form. Once you become aware of it, the negative feelings dissolve and the emotion appears as it is supposed to appear. You retain peace and tranquillity without succumbing to despair. Pick of the day: Guitar Boogie & Stevie's Blues - Tommy Emmanuel

Entry 45 | Call to the Zone of Genius Theory: If you choose to ignore your calling in life to live in your Zone of Genius, you will never be able to experience true fulfilment in life. Applying it: Connect with your deepest passions in life to understand your calling. Once you are certain of your calling, don't choose the comfortable route. Pursue it with everything you've got. No excuses. In the last hour or so, I have just reconnected with my calling in life. It was one that I knew I had all along: I want to CREATE new music. I realised just how passionate I was about the creative process that goes with music. I love creating new compositions and playing them. This reassessment came about when I had a meeting with a few friends. A few months ago, I arranged them together to make a band for a gig that I was offered to play. However, the focus of this band is to eventually perform music on cruise ships. This will largely consist of playing covers of well-known pop songs that are all well within our talents. But this is my problem. I want to CREATE music, not replicate. On the shallow appearance of the job title, it seems like a very comfortable job. Room and board would be paid, food and drink would be free, I would be able to play easy-going music with my friends and I would get to travel all over the world. Looking at it from a deeper perspective, though, I believe that this job would be a massive waste of my creative potential. To a lot of people, it would seem mad to turn down such an opportunity, especially given my goals for the future. I want to be able to perform original music that my creative muses present to me. That is my ultimate duty in this life. But many people have been quick to point out to me that this is too unrealistic. "You can't get a job performing original music these days," they say. "People only hire cover bands nowadays. Nobody cares for original music these days." Finally, I have woken up and realised what these statements are. They are EXCUSES. Furthermore, they are the same excuses that my musician friends come up with. As long as a person believes in these excuses, that gives them a reason to not pursue that which they desire. It gives them a reason to settle for second best. That gives them a reason to strive for a comfortable cruise ship job that has many material benefits. Today, I decide to strive for better. Today is the day that I make an even bigger commitment to live in my Zone of Genius and not settle for anything shy of that. Creating music is what my life is about. Not replicating it. The creative Muse inside me is so vibrant and magical that I simply cannot ignore its musical creations. This is not to fulfil my ego. My ego would be happy for me to take that cruise ship job because it requires little effort. In fact, thousands of musicians would be more than capable of getting that job and I would include myself as one of them. But the music that flows into my mind from my creative Muse is UNIQUE. Nobody in this world has the exact same communication as I do with my creative muse. When it creates a musical idea, it appears to me alone. Therefore, it is my humble duty to take those ideas and make them happen in reality. It is my duty to share them with the rest of the world. No other job will satisfy. I have yet to explain my situation with the band. If I can encourage them to get on board and become music creators too, then I feel like it will do them a justice. I know them well enough to recognise their greatest assets. The drummer is exceptional, winning the recital prize last year for his performance. The bassist is an expert at managing people and time to get the job done. And the keyboardist plays and sings really well, and he has a brilliant personality. All of these talents could come together to create something extraordinary. That can only happen, though, if we all have faith. If any/all of the members decide to cling to their excuses of "there's no business for original music nowadays," then the whole idea will not work. If that's the case, I must make the decision to leave them behind and pursue my goals alone. They can choose whichever path they want. But now that I have recognised how passionate I am as a music creator, I know that all of my efforts must go into honouring my Call to the Zone of Genius. I did not devote 10 years of my life to become a cruise ship performer. I spent those 10 years improving my technique, learning about music theory, and understanding the art of music performance because my ultimate desire was to become a master musician. Do I think the music I create is any good? No, I think "Fuck it. I am deeply passionate about music. The entire realm of music fascinates me and I want to study it and love it more and more." There will be many people who will try to dissuade me from living in my Zone of Genius. My band, for one, will definitely try to talk me down once I explain to them my intentions. Not because they don't want me to achieve my goals. But because they don't believe that it is possible. They will try to convince me that I will be wasting my time by throwing their limiting beliefs at me. And for a time, I believed those limiting beliefs. But no more. I know my calling in life. I know that I will be truly fulfilled when I start living that lifestyle. And there is no person on this earth that can take away my deep passions for creating music. I will not compromise my dreams and aspirations for anyone. I will become a master musician or die trying. Pick of the day: A Little Prayer - Fred Frith & Evelyn Glennie

Entry 44 | Remaining Present Theory: By focussing on the present moment as often as possible, your existence becomes increasingly more fulfilling. Applying it: Forget about the past, worry less about the future, and try to understand and focus on what you have now. A few days ago, my flatmate and I engaged in some deep conversations about the topics I love to explore. This was the first time I ever told him about my passion for self-actualization. It was a wonderful change in mood to our usual interactions which generally involve him going to extraordinary lengths to describe some story that happened to him in the past. Sadly, this new dynamic didn't last long. He continues to tell his stories and I continue to listen to them. The trouble is that I'm not interested in his stories. I don't care about what funny thing happened to him on a night out, nor do I care about his interactions with his family members. What do care about is HIM. I want to get to know him more deeply as a human being. In other words, I don't care about his past or his future. I care about who he is in the present moment. From the number of stories that he tells me, what I gather is that he doesn't grasp the significance of the present moment. This is evident when I remain silent for a while. Often, I feel no need to say something because I'm just appreciating the present moment as it is. But if I stay silent for long enough, he always ends up filling it with something. And often, he fills it with uninteresting stories about his past. First things first, I'm not accusing the guy of being boring. He can be such a laugh around the house and he is kindhearted in nature. And there are times when we have some genuinely interesting discussions. For example, I enjoy talking about his future because it shows me what he currently wants out of his life. It just seems a shame that all of our interactions can't be like that. While I can work on this myself, I just wanted to use my flatmate as an example of what life would be like by constantly identifying with the past. With the understanding that I have developed so far, I know that the past is nothing but an illusion. It's a story in our mind. Furthermore, I can see how identifying myself with my past can lead to all sorts of problems in the future. All of my energy and focus needs to be going towards the present moment. I feel like the past is something that I can forget about. Something I can shed away like dead skin. The past doesn't serve for anything because the present moment is all that we ever have of life. There's no point complaining that I'm not a child anymore because that would lead to self-torture. Instead, I must embrace my 20-year-old body and honour it. By adopting this attitude of focussing solely on the present moment, time slows down indefinitely. I've talked about this in previous entries. From my current perspective, I feel like I have lived 2 or 3 days worth in a single day. That morning gym session at 9am seems almost like an eternity ago. This is all because of my shift of mindset regarding time. The truth is that time is just a human invention. It's a scientific tool to measure the rate at which things happen. It doesn't exists as a thing in this universe. It's just another illusion. By embodying that illusion, we get to control how much time we have in our lives from an internal perspective. Maybe we all do this unconsciously. If you're one of those people that believe in the phrase "time flies," guess what? Your time is gonna fly! Whereas, time can flow smoothly and steadily if you adopt the mindset: "I'm here now, in the present moment. The present moment is all I've got. The past and the future is just a story in my mind anyway. It doesn't matter how much 'time' I have. What matters is that I focus my energy on embracing the present moment alone." This impacted me so much with my guitar practice and playing. Whenever I'm performing a piece of music, my entire life story is swept out of my mind. All that matters is that I focus on the music happening in the present moment. I can be practising for what feels like 2 or 3 hours, only to discover that my watch has added about 30 minutes. These moments are brilliant because it feels like you've somehow gained time even though, scientifically, it would be impossible to do so. Lesson learned. The present moment is the mother of all happiness. The best part is trying to understand the present moment. There are so many mysteries about it, yet it continues to exist and so many people don't question it. I, for one, need to question it more and more. It's way more interesting than anything I've learned about music. Pick of the day: Tribes - Preston Reed

Entry 43 | Criticism Theory: Performing your art is the most difficult when you face critics. Your inner game must be strong enough to block out the criticism from your mind and focus on what you do best. Applying it: Use visualization to imagine yourself performing effortlessly without fear of criticism. Also, practice as much as you can to become as comfortable as you can with the music. I had my performance exam today with the folk trio. Exams are very interesting. The whole situation of performing to a bunch of lecturers who critique every note you play can evoke some nervousness, to say the least! All in all, the performance went well and all of us were satisfied with the final performance. In terms of myself, I was surprisingly anxious during the exam. A little bit of anxiety during a performance is actually a good thing for musicians. It stops you from becoming careless and keeps you focussed. Sometimes, however, the anxiety can become a bit too much. Whilst my levels of anxiety weren't abnormally high, they were high enough to paralyze me slightly. Some of the more intricate passages of the music felt more difficult to play with the levels of anxiety in my body. Even though those passages have caused no issues in rehearsals leading up to the exam, they suddenly leaped out as a problem. Whilst my performance was largely absent of mistakes, the critic inside of me always points out the moments where I could have played the music better. And in an exam, I believe that these things will be picked up on by the examiner. But by constantly adopting this mindset, I end up becoming distracted from my performance and inadvertently end up making more slip-ups. My anxiety levels have nothing to do with the fact that it is an examination. They have everything to do with my thoughts about the examination. There's a part of me that feels under pressure to NOT make any mistakes in an exam situation. And guess what happens when I focus on that? I make mistakes. Not only that, I beat myself up about it afterwards. I obviously have some work to do to strengthen my inner game when it comes to performance exams. More specifically, I have to strengthen my inner game when it comes to performing in the face of brutal criticism. There's a part of me that believes that examinations on performance are wrong. There should be no need for others to be highly critical about an art form. However, the truth is that if I want to become a successful musician in the future, I must prepare myself to face that kind of criticism in the future because it will happen. Fortunately, I feel like I know what I must do. The first thing is that I must practice my pieces until they become very comfortable. Easier said than done but the more comfortable I am with a piece of music, the more effortless it will be to perform under pressure. The second thing I must do is visualize myself performing in these situations of high pressure. I did this with my world music performance last year. In fact, my visualization was so accurate that I felt no anxiety whatsoever during the actual exam. In the same way I must get comfortable with the music, I must get comfortable with the situation in which I perform that music. And the best way to do this on a daily basis is through visualization. This is a very specific challenge that only really applies to musicians, dancers, actors, public speakers, or other stage performers. However, there are many situations in life that put us under pressure to 'perform.' This includes job interviews, sex, sport, meditation, and all sorts of activities that require our best efforts to reach the best possible outcomes. In each of these activities, we put ourselves in a vulnerable position that welcomes criticism. Even something like meditation does this through self-criticism. If you criticize yourself harshly because you were unable to remain focused, that will have a negative impact on your mental well-being. You have to improve your inner game so that this criticism can be dodged like water off a duck's back. It seems like the best way to do this is through practice and visualization. For example, I can confidently play the most basic guitar chords to anyone without fear of being criticized for them. This is because I have practiced them for over 10 years now and I know that I am good at playing them. If someone does criticize the way I play those chords, it seems laughable to me. I will hardly get offended at it. You need to practice enough until you get the mindset that "I am good at this." Better still, "I have mastered this." When you reach this point, criticism will bounce off you without affecting your self-esteem. You could say that visualization is just a form of practice that focuses on strengthening your inner game. This is especially necessary for things like job interviews where you only have one shot at it. By practicing your job interview skills through visualization, you become more confident and comfortable in the real-life situation. So that is what I need to do. I have a big recital to perform in May which is going to count a lot towards my final grade at the end of university. This is the work I need to do in order to reach that recital with the strongest mindset possible. Pick of the day: Evelyn Glennie | Playing Around The Office | Part 4 – Tam Tam

Entry 42 | Life Is Easy Theory: We are the ones that make our own lives difficult. We can choose to live a simpler, easier life if we want to. Applying it: Try to make your life as easy as possible by avoiding unnecessary activities and doing the things you want to do most. Last night, I binge-watched a few TED talks after posting about the carrot clarinet yesterday (I think that's so cool!). Upon watching a few, I found myself deeply moved by a talk by Jon Jandai entitled "Life is easy. Why do we make it so hard?" He demonstrates how his simple life is incredibly easy compared to the standard Western life that we generally live. I'd never heard of him before but I can tell through his calming tone of voice and personality that he genuinely loves life. Something resonated with me after watching this talk. Maybe it's because my childhood years weren't too long ago (I'm 20), but I was able to relate to how easy life was. I could remember my childhood being particularly easy and playful. I was one of the smarter kids in primary school and I loved to play around. This was long before I learned how to play guitar. Of course, one very good reason why I had a very easy childhood is that my parents raised me well. They encouraged my learning, taught me many invaluable lessons and, consciously or not, taught me delayed gratification. Stress was an emotion that I never had to experience as a child. But the main reason why life was easy as a child was because of my mindset. My outlook on life. Sure, I hadn't been introduced to 'real-life' things like earning money, cleaning the house, cooking for the family, and so on. However, I remember giving these things a go and having fun during the process. My gran used to let me deliver the local newspaper to everyone's house nearby. It used to be so fun to just run around and engage with all the people who lived nearby in an indirect way. For my efforts, I received my payment: 50p. Maybe even £1 or 2 if I was lucky. Try and get a kid nowadays to do the same job for that price. It probably wouldn't happen. But that tiny little paycheck meant a lot to me. I could buy a bar of Dairy Milk from the shop to reward myself for the day's work. Or I could just put the money in my piggy bank and save it up. But the deeper reason why that tiny little job filled me with satisfaction is because of my mindset at the time. I believed that I could be of good service to my gran and the people on the street. Without me delivering the papers, nobody would be able to read up on the latest events in the village. I was effectively bringing this information directly to people's doors and having fun doing it. I didn't need any training or experience to do my job, nor did I actually need the paycheck at the end. The whole process just felt like a fun little challenge for me. That mindset made it such an easy job! But in this society, we are constantly being told to work harder, earn more money, get a house, get a wife, have kids, do this, do that... We are more bombarded now with information and advice than we ever have been before, thanks to the internet. And of course, some of this information is extremely beneficial. But there is a danger of information overload. There's also this assumption that if we want to succeed at something, we need as much information about that thing as possible. I'm incredibly guilty of this! I promised not to read my books too quickly but my excitement got the better of me. I wanted to know the information as soon as possible. But by constantly pursuing knowledge and information, I forgot about what makes my life so easy. I had abandoned that happy-go-lucky attitude that I once had as a kid. My mindset became "life is difficult, so I need to arm myself with as much knowledge as possible to master it." What this TED talk reminded me is that LIFE IS EASY! If I really wanted to, I could learn how to build my own house using my own resources. However, the most immediate thing in my life that reminds me it's easy is playing guitar. I've reached the point where guitar playing is incredibly easy. So easy that I would happily be able to play continuous music from morning til night. When I start making money through my guitar playing, it will become easy to make money. How so? Because that will be my mindset. If I focus on how easy it will be to earn money through guitar playing, I will make it happen through the Law of Attraction. The truth is all in the mindset. If you believe life is difficult, you will live your life making subconscious choices that make your life more difficult. If you believe life is easy, you live your life making subconscious choices that make your life easier. You can still aim high! You can still pursue that £1 million or that dream spouse if you want to. But if you can pursue it with the mindset "Life is easy. This is easy," it will come so much more smoothly to you and you will never have to stress about it again. So make sure you know for sure that life is easy. There must be no doubts in your mind that try to convince you otherwise. Life is easy. Fin. Pick of the day: Life is easy. Why do we make it so hard? | Jon Jandai | TEDxDoiSuthep

Entry 41 | Taking Full Responsibility Theory: If you want to be a leader in life, you must take responsibility for everything that happens within it. Never play the victim. Applying it: Whenever someone or something does an 'injustice' to you, don't start blaming and criticising the situation. Instead, accept the consequences and take the blame for it. This theory was reminded to me during my reading of Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I've heard about "emotional childhood" and "emotional adulthood" before which says the same thing. We have to take responsibility for how we think and feel about any situation in life if we want to create positive changes. So last night, I spoke with one of my old friends. He's the same guy who I mentioned a few days ago: the one who keeps breaking his agreements to meet up and hang out. In our conversation, I decided to show my curiosity for his behaviours by asking him about them. He deflected the questions pretty quickly, insisting that he really would like to see me. So we arranged to meet up one more time and, of course, it was a no-show. He hasn't messaged me since we arranged to meet up, even though he has appeared on Facebook a few times already. But fortunately, I'm not like most of my friends in that I'll turn it into some big drama. I won't make it mean that he really doesn't want to see me and that I'm a social failure. That sounds so laughable now! It's scary to think that those might have been my thought patterns last year. All I know is that I have to take full responsibility for the circumstance. Rather than portraying myself as a victim, I portray myself as the culprit. It was by my doing that we arranged to meet up. I take the fall myself. With this mindset, I can program my mind to work on a solution. Namely, my decision is that I don't want to meet up with him again because my time would be better invested in something else. I need to make the time to live in my Zone of Genius, and by arranging to meet up with my friend who decides not to turn up, I limit the amount of time that I can spend in my Zone of Genius. Although the situation may have caused me some anger last night, my ability to recognise his Upper Limit behaviour allows for me to sympathise with him. Even if he can't see it for himself, I can see how he is creating an integrity breach for himself by not keeping his agreements. This behaviour will inevitably cause him some negative feelings in the future. Because I can see his Upper Limit behaviours, I can fully forgive him. Genuinely. And, believe me, it's taken a good deal of practice to reach this point. When someone does you 'wrong,' it can be very easy to get sucked into a whirlwind of anger and frustration with such thoughts like "how dare he break his agreement to meet up with me?" With this deeper understanding, I can feel bad for the guy without a trace of hatred. Even more so when he appears to be oblivious to it himself. Also, by taking full responsibility of the situation for myself, I feel no urge to prove to him how it is HIS fault. Sure he has a habit of breaking agreements but that doesn't excuse the fact that I allowed the situation to happen. Furthermore, I created the situation. Collaboratively, maybe, but indefinitely. While I may not be able to help him overcome his Upper Limit Problem, I have to remain true to myself and do the activities that align with my life purpose. I have to do self-actualization work, meditation, music work, house work, visualisation time... Anything that I know will get me where I want to be. To cap this entry off, I just want to mention that in my visualisations, my friend didn't appear in any of them. In trying to connect with my future self, I realised that this self was living his life without even thinking about my friend. Perhaps, even, forgetting him. And most intriguingly, these visualisations came long before yesterday. It seems right for me that I don't have this guy in my life. It's a shame that he is a nice guy but if that's what my future holds, I embrace it with open arms. Without taking full responsibility of my actions, I might have told this story differently by saying how I was the victim and my friend was the culprit. But instead, I willingly accept my mistakes. It was, indeed, my fault that this happened. And it will be my decision to end the friendship on peaceful terms, rather than hateful ones. Pick of the day: Carrot clarinet | Linsey Pollak | TEDxSydney

Entry 40 | Reflection This last week alone has felt so incredibly thorough. I can't believe that the deadline was only on Tuesday: it feels like a month ago! I remember going to bed last night feeling so fulfilled with how much effort I put into it that I just laughed myself to sleep. These days, I tend to laugh a lot when overwhelming, beautiful realisations happen. It's not funny by anyone's standards but it just feels so good that I can't help myself! That's not to say that the last few days have been without their bad moments. Sure there were times when I felt angry, upset, frustrated, etc. But I no longer worry too much about these emotions. My purpose in life has been defined: I want to master my emotions, my psychology and my life. This has become my focus for every minute that passes by and when moments of clarity and understanding occur, DAMN that feels good! My determination to master myself has grown stronger and stronger each day. My ego is weakening gradually as it no longer tries to talk me out of doing the things I know I should be doing. Oh it's still there, but it's weaker now than ever before. Progress is being made. I have engrained several habits into my being now including meditation, gym/swimming, applied self-actualisation, shopping for healthy foods, journaling, reading and, most recently, visualization. Although there may have been times when I couldn't complete an activity now and again, there was no moment in which I told myself "I don't want to do this anymore." Quitting these habits is not an option anymore now that I can see the benefits that they possess. My university work got handed in like a boss! I finished my movie assignments 4 days before the deadline and handed in the final written diary on the deadline. My performance exam with the trio is this Tuesday so there might be something worthwhile journaling about there. I just want to talk about my fitness routine for a moment. In the past, I used to go 3 days a week for 90mins. It worked to some degree as I gained a lot of muscle when I first started at 16. Although my commitment to those 3 days was pretty loose, which caused me to take entire months off because of "lack of free time." After hearing Leo stating that 30mins a day will work wonders, I decided to give this ago back in October. I went every single day for around 30mins, culminating in a full-body workout every 5 days, and only took time during the holidays and the occasional inconvenient days. I never wanted to become big and muscly like the hardcore gym enthusiasts because that would actually pose a threat to my physical ability to play guitar. All I wanted was to have decent muscles, generally high fitness levels throughout the rest of the day, and perhaps a 6-pack body. After a few months of solid dedication, my body looks fitter now than it ever did in the past. This has somewhat to do with my decision to avoid unhealthy foods as well. But looking at how my body looks today, I feel incredibly proud of myself to have made the progress I have made. My body and my vision for my body are starting to emerge: I feel fit and nimble throughout the rest of the day, my muscles are pretty decent and that 6-pack is starting to become chiselled. "Wanting that kind of body is a shallow, materialistic desire that won't bring you fulfilment," I hear you cry! Let me just clarify that I don't prioritise this goal above my other goals. In fact, I believe it falls neatly under the category of wanting to master one's self. I've had this goal since I was 16 and only now I have discovered the right technique to acquire it. In the future, I'll be looking at that body in the mirror with admiration as it reminds me that I can achieve any goal that I set myself. These last few days, I have really been feeling that statement. I CAN achieve any goal I set myself. No matter what. Last night, when I was doing some self-talk about my visualization, I had a moment of "Hang on, when did I start believing in myself so deeply?" It was a wonderful moment to realise that I was coming up with these grand desires for my life without feeling the need to criticise them and think "That's aiming a bit too high." I feel like a freight train taking up speed. There isn't a force on this earth that can stop me from reaching my desires. I have become one determined motherfucker! Pick of the day: Freight Train - Nitro (I'm so sorry, it had to be done!)