Liam Johnson

Entry 84 | Naive Student Theory: Don't assume that just because you come into awareness of some teaching, you will suddenly be able to apply it to your life once and forever. Applying it: Repeat to yourself the teaching that you have learned until you embody the teaching. Only then can you hope to permanently apply it to your life. So that wonderful teaching I received last Tuesday wasn't so long-lasting in the end! I performed another concert at Firth Hall today and once again, I found myself succumbing to my Upper Limit Problem. My anxiety levels were moderately high, my ability to feel joy was limited, mistakes were made, and harsh judgments were made. Back to square one? I'm not so sure. Even though these older habits were present, they were less intense. There was still a willpower within me to remain strong and confident, all be it weak. It's evident that this realization that I CAN achieve what I want to achieve needs to be reminded to myself regularly in order for it to mean anything. Through the principle of auto-suggestion, I should be able to 'practice' reaffirming that truth to myself and have faith that it IS the truth. That's the trouble. Over the years, I have developed the habit of believing that I am not currently good enough to achieve my dreams. And that kind of belief will never be able to bring me success. But because the habit is so deeply ingrained in my mind, it will take a lot of willpower, patience, and persistence to unwire that limiting belief and replace it with the belief that I AM good enough to achieve my dreams. It was naive of me to assume that a one-off direct experience of the truth on Tuesday would have been enough to change a lifetime's worth of negative thinking. In fact, I'm just getting started. It's like experiencing one enlightenment experience and assuming that you are suddenly enlightened. Sure, I have a memory or a concept of what that direct experience was in my life. But that is merely a substitute for the real deal. The big goal should be to feel that direct experience with every passing second. Only then can you live from that place of abundance and joy permanently. I guess even the possibility to experience joy on a permanent basis is a radical suggestion in itself. The majority of us believe that we have to have a balance of joy and suffering in our lives. But what's to stop us from eliminating suffering altogether? Sure, you may still weep when a loved one dies in your presence. But on the deepest level, there is something so joyful about those tears. They are not tears of suffering, as such. They are tears of love for a human being. I think that is a beautiful part of life: to mourn the death of a loved one. Everyone who resists the urge to cry for a loved one knows what true suffering is. And those same people know what true joy is once those tears are allowed to happen. But back to the concert. I know, on a conceptual level, that it is possible to achieve a prolonged state of joy and excitement on stage in the knowledge that I will perform my best every time. I know this because I have memories of me doing so and I have the memory of the direct experience of the teaching. All that needs to be done is to convert this knowledge into a BELIEF. This truth needs to be a repeating thought in my mind on a daily basis without necessarily needing to be a conscious effort. As Napoleon Hill states: "what the mind can conceive and BELIEVE, the mind can achieve." Knowing is not believing. Knowing is not achieving! Pick of the day:

Entry 83 | Death Theory: Death is the most severe form of adversity in this existence. Willingness to accept it and embrace it requires inner strength that comes from beyond the Ego. Applying it: When the news arises that a loved one has died or is facing death in the near future, remain present with your feelings. Rather than denying them, bring your emotions into your immediate awareness and feel their beauty. Today I made a trip home to visit my uncle who has cancer. A few days ago, he was suffering so badly that he had to be taken into a hospice to be cared for. But as of yesterday, he's been back at home and is feeling alright again. It is looking unlikely that he will be around for much longer. All I could do is to embrace his company for around an hour with my mum. We don't really talk to each other that much usually, but there is still a loving connection there. I didn't necessarily want to ask him lots of questions when I got to see him. Just being able to look at him and share the moment together was enough. As the present moment stands, he is relatively well and happy. Of course, there is that doubt in everybody's mind as to how long he will continue to be around. But as of right now, the matter is irrelevant. It will only become relevant when death does occur. For now, the most relevant thing for everyone to be doing in our family is to be appreciating the fact that he is still with us. It's interesting to think how easily we take other people for granted in our life. Only when the matter of death arises do we feel it necessary to appreciate that persons existence! Surely it would be a much better world if we could learn to appreciate the people who are alive right now? That doesn't mean to say we should forget about the legacy of the dead. But there should be no reason why we appreciate both the dead and the living as equally important. I remember when I discovered that the guitarist Michael Hedges died in a car accident in 1999. My whole perception of the guy changed. He wasn't just any old guitarist to me any more. He was a genius who was taken from this world too soon, as it were. Of course, that was my opinion at the time. I've since learned that everything happens the way it is supposed to and, hence, Michael's death was always meant to be. Especially in light of the words he speaks in the video below. Now I contemplate my own demise. One could say I'm in my prime as far as my whole life is concerned. My physical fitness is great, my guitar skills are the best they have ever been, my confidence is at an all-time high, and I've reached a point of self-acceptance where I can look in the mirror and love what I see. I've not felt that way in a LONG time. Whilst all of this is great because it's in the present moment, the inevitable crumbling of these things will happen. These things will eventually disappear into nothingness. On a deep level, I can appreciate that death is just the permanent passing from the conscious realm into the unconscious realm which is formless and timeless. Yet I still feel it to be a great shame that this conscious life can't last forever. Then on the other hand, I do not need life to last forever in order to feel fulfilled by it. If I can learn to truly appreciate what the present moment has to offer with each passing day, then I will reach my death bed knowing that not a day was wasted. Maybe my uncle has learned to accept this truth. Although he may not be the richest or most successful man in the world, he has created a wonderful family to have around him in the form of four daughters and 4 grandchildren. With each day that comes along, he can take solace in his contribution to the world in the form of his family. He can truly appreciate their existence and his own in light of the present circumstances. Maybe then, death can be used as a tool to focus on what the present moment has to offer. Perhaps every morning when arising out of bed, I should remind myself that I could've very easily died in my sleep and I could well do so when I return to sleep. There are moments throughout my day where I openly express to myself how much I love life right now. Everything about my body and my mental attitude just feels wonderful. It feels so good to look in the mirror and consider myself as being "good-looking." But so long as I don't start developing an attachment or an identity with what the present moment is now, I will be able to remain grounded throughout the duration of my life. Because ultimately, what I truly am is far beyond mind and body. Death is nothing to be afraid of. We all experience the unconsciousness of death when we fall asleep. There are no fiery pits of hell, but there are no heavens in the clouds either. It just is what it is: the yin to the yang. One cannot truly appreciate life without there being death. Pick of the day:

Entry 82 | Boosted My Productivity Theory: Just by being accepting of the present moment, you can boost your levels of productivity massively. Applying it: If ever you notice yourself resisting something in the present moment, become aware of what it is you are resisting. Maintain your awareness until the resistance has dissolved and fulfillment takes its place. This is a follow-up to yesterday's entry, in the sense that the presence I experience in the second half of the entry has led me to become super productive with my work today. I had scheduled for myself 4 hours to learn six pieces for an upcoming musical. But because of my positive attitude, I managed to crush those pieces within two hours. The remaining two hours were spent doing some guitar improvisation (aka. mucking around!). Admittedly, I have been spending a fair amount of my day chatting with other people. I've found myself suddenly desiring some shared intimacy as it were. But I feel as though I had earned the time to chill out and pursue this secondary goal. Most of my day's writing this journal have been spent in my own company. There was no desire to start an intimate relationship with someone because my focus has been on developing a success-oriented mindset. Now I've become more success-oriented than ever, the time has come to branch out to other territories. But enough of that. I want to make the point that my high productivity levels today were a result of my feelings of presence yesterday. After my highly unproductive day, I shifted my awareness to the present moment and realized why I had failed to be productive. My Upper Limit Problem was in place. As a result, I woke up today from a place of passive joy and have managed to maintain it until the present moment. As a side note on productivity to anyone who likes tasty food, I made myself a wonderful lunch and tea! Lunch was a Caesar salad and salmon chunks coated with ginger, garlic, honey, and soy sauce. Tea was a tomato and spinach pasta dish with soft cheese and crushed nuts. I tell you, these students with their ping meals and takeaways are missing out on something glorious! There isn't really much I can say on this topic. Also, it seems like the solution to every single problem in the world truly is to become more aware of the present moment. That in itself says a lot about where problems come from and where true fulfillment comes from. And so I'll tie things up neatly to end this short and sweet entry. There really is no need to elaborate the same point again and again with each entry. Basically, the present moment rocks. So embrace it! Pick of the day:

Entry 81 | Return of the Upper Limit Problem Theory: After a particularly joyous time in your life, your mind will subconsciously try to lower your mood back to its normal state. Applying it: Notice your Upper Limit behaviors after a fulfilling day and realize why they are there. Don't beat yourself up about them. Just become aware of them and reconnect with the joy of being in the present moment. After the wonderful existence that yesterday brought, today has provided less joy and fulfillment. The main reason for this is because of my Upper Limit Problem. This concept comes from The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. In short, it is the subconscious process of the mind that limits your capacity to sustain joy in your life. In fact, it is so significant that it can bring failure to the most successful men and women. Today started out well. I did my meditation and gym routine as usual. Then I tried to do some work at university without having a definite strategy or plan. As a result, I just messed around for a bit and then came home. When I got back, my motivation to do some reading for an essay I have to write was very low. I was finding ways to procrastinate as best as I could. I was avoiding the present moment by failing to keep my agreements with myself to sit down and work. There is clearly some subconscious process happening which is preventing me from feeling fulfilled and happy all of the time. My aim for the rest of the night is to figure out what it is. It isn't enough just to tell myself that it's okay to feel happy and fulfilled all of the time. I have to believe it. But instead of beating myself up about succumbing to my Upper Limit Problem, I must approach the situation with curiosity. Sometimes, it can just take the right realization at the right time to send a wave of fulfillment through your mind and body. After a seemingly unfulfilling day, there is still room for fulfillment to occur. It's never too late to strive for that outcome. - As I sit here and reflect on the present moment, I am reminded of the totality of existence. The sights, the sounds, the bodily sensations, the thoughts, the emotions, the imagination. There's a fullness about each one of those senses that feels divine in their own right. There suddenly is less urgency to think and more desire to appreciate being. Suddenly, I only feel the need to write about what is absolutely necessary. That's possibly where I have been caught up in myself. Recently, I have been so caught up in my performing that I forgot about the essence of being in the present moment. Perhaps this is where my sense of lack has come from today. Now that I am reconnecting with it, the joy and fulfillment are slowly accompanying the present moment. Suddenly, it doesn't matter what has happened today. It's all in the past now. All that matters is that I enjoy this moment while it lasts. And as indicated by the browser crashing and closing nearly losing all of my progress with this entry, it could disappear at any given moment! There's not much more I can talk about in this entry. I came to it with a feeling of lack and unfulfillment. After a few minutes of meditation and inward reflection, I realized that I had lost touch with that magical state of being. Now I have reconnected once again in a short space of time. It helps that I've had several experiences of this in my past which allows me to reconnect faster. So let's leave it at that. Pick of the day:

Entry 80 | Reflection I could not have asked for a better day to have a reflection entry! First of all, I have received results for my first semester. I managed to get a First in every module! My ensemble performance mark was the highest, being a 78. It's satisfying to know that all of my work paid off in the end. May it continue for my final semester at university. Secondly, I received some good feedback for my Collaboratory Project module. This module allows me to perform on an instrument with live electronics happening simultaneously. My instrument was the Indian tabla and, truth be told, it was such fun. The lecturer really liked our approach to the tabla and the electronics. I just love being a performer of music because of situations like this. Where else would I be able to muck around with some Indian drums whilst having some friends manipulate the shit out of it to make it sound awesome? And thirdly, which is the most important thing that happened today, I performed as a soloist at Firth Hall for another concert. In my most recent journal entries, I have talked about my struggles with performing in front of people. The issues included stressing out about the music too much and not believing in my abilities to inspire people. In entry 78, I made an emotional breakthrough that changed my entire perception of concert performing. Today has provided the ultimate test for whether or not my problems had dissolved or not. Without a doubt, today's concert has provided me with the MOST fulfilling experience I have ever received on stage. My anxiety was completely replaced with excitement and enthusiasm. I felt completely comfortable performing in front of everybody. But most importantly, I allowed myself to feel a deeply-rooted love of being in the present moment. As a result, my performing ability was enhanced to the highest level and my mistakes remained very minimal. I'm laughing and crying now as I reflect on my experience. My head was no longer full of stress. It was filled with such a deep joy that I've never felt in my life. I'm in awe at how much joy came into my awareness, especially seeing as this is something that I wish to make a career out of. I can just feel it in my bones. Whenever I'm out there performing my art, I'm living in my Zone of Genius. My life purpose of inspiring others with my music is starting to become even more powerful now that I have learned to accept the joy, praise, and fulfillment that it provides. Today's concert proved that to me. My performance was only 10 minutes long as I was one of many performers in the concert. But as soon as I finished the first piece, the audience applauded for ages. I mean AGES! I was able to bow, say thank you, and change the tuning of my guitar in the time it took for them to finish applauding. I have never received such a level of appreciation from an audience ever, and the concert hall wasn't even that full. Ever since I realized my true potential and harnessed it, the reactions of the audience members have suddenly been filled with liveliness. I think the important factor to consider was that leading up to the concert, I didn't feel it necessary to become anxious. Instead, I filled myself with confidence, excitement, and love. When I walked on stage and started performing, that positive energy was received by the audience. And when it came for them to applaud my work, they responded with a highly positive attitude with smiles and claps all around. What a wonderful force of nature I experienced. The music played through my whole body as well as my mind. Even midway through the pieces, there were moments where I became overwhelmed with joy and passion which resulted in some of the most expressive performing that I've ever done. I also remember thinking the thought "I want to make my mum cry with this piece!" (That piece being 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow.') And she very nearly did! You know what, I'm gonna say it now. Today, I became a master musician. The musician who can inspire their audience with their music without feeling nervous or anxious in their presence. The musician who has mastered his emotions in regards to his field of work. I learned the most valuable lesson this week, which is one taught in The Wizard of Oz. I've been spending my life wanting to become a fearless, masterful musician. But I failed to realize that I had this power all along. All I had to do was just accept it. If I die in my sleep tonight, I will die a fulfilled human being. Music has gone from feeling enjoyable to feeling like hard work, to feeling like the most wonderful joy on earth over the course of my life. If this is what the rest of life is going to be like, my happiness levels are going to be out of this world. Finally, I can contribute to this world and have the world appreciate my efforts. As of today, I cannot wait for what the future has in store. But like a good little self-actualizer, I will just sit back, relax, and feel the deep joy that is currently occupying my soul in the present moment. I fucking love life right now! Pick of the day:

Entry 79 | Serving The Muse Theory: Although it may feel illogical at times, it is the artist's duty to serve their creative muse no matter what. Applying it: If you receive an uncontrollable urge to create something beautiful in this world, harness that energy and allow it to take form regardless of fear of poverty, criticism, or death. Something magical is happening in my life. Ever since the birth of the tune "Sidewalk Shuffle" into my existence, it has taken on a life of its own. The piece drew me in like the glowing candlelight in a dark room. Shortly after I became technically proficient enough to perform the piece, it influenced me to perform it during Monday's concert. Now, that same piece is drawing me into the awareness of music video producers and recording studios. All of these things are going to cost around £500 which, as a student with no income other than grants and bursaries, that's a lot of money on the line. But there's an unquestionable driving force behind this composition that is the creative Muse. There's a voice inside me that tells me how this short-term cost will prove to have long-lasting effects. As the farmer goes to the effort of using his resources to invest in growing crops, I must go to the effort of using my resources to invest in the unknown lasting effects that this video will create. How do I know that this is a wise decision? Well despite the fact that I don't know what exactly it will create, I know what it WON'T create. It will not create a sense of unfulfillment that comes when investing the money in materialistic possessions. Although I will 'have' the video in my possession when it is complete, it will be immediately shared with the world via the internet. That is the whole purpose behind the video. For a while now, I have been focusing on my unique purpose in life: to serve as a living example of what is possible. My passion is not in playing music anymore. My passion is to use music performance as a means of inspiring others to realize their potential in this life. Because it was these same people who inspired me to pick up the guitar in the first place and strive for greatness. Now, it's my turn to inspire future generations to come the only way I know how: to kick ass with music! But even more wonderful about this sudden uncontrollable driving force of the Muse: it seems to have taken over the mind and body. It's an amazing freak of nature. I have to remind myself "oh yeah, I've suddenly released a website and now I'm contacting music video producers about a tune that is only a week old." It feels like the Self has been removed. There is no longer a Self controlling my actions and my thoughts because the Muse has seized control for itself. For the rational mind, it's quite a scary place to be in. Because who in their right mind would spend £500 on a percussive guitar tune when I could use the money for something else? Shouldn't I be more concerned with earning money rather than spending it? Well here's the thing: I am beginning to earn money very gradually. In a few weeks, I will receive £500 for playing in a theatre production at the Lyceum Theatre in Sheffield. I've also received paychecks of £100 in Ireland for doing a single night's performance. What's more, I'm even more optimistic about the future of busking. I feel like a deep truth about money has been accepted. No matter what happens in life, money will come. Even if I end up on the dole, money will still come. And what better way to spend money than to invest it in one's future? That's why it is necessary for me to take the leap with this project and enjoy it. I feel so privileged to be able to receive such divine music from the creative Muse. Now, I receive the honor of bringing it to the world through such an exciting project. To sum up, I would strongly advise artists to surrender to their creative Muse and see where it takes them. Try not to be fearful about the costs or the criticism that will follow, because they will always follow no matter what. The sooner you can accept this, the sooner you can allow the creative muse to drive your mind and body to create what it wants to create. I will be sure to keep posting about the developments of this project. Pick of the day:

Entry 78 | I've Just Turned Stress Into the Deepest Joy This is a continuation of the previous journal entry: "The Bummer About Performance." - Episode 2 on the performance anxiety series: Yay. It's worth clarifying that although I will talk about the newly-found development of performance anxiety, I wouldn't normally consider myself as an anxious performer. This is a completely new feeling of performance anxiety that I can only describe as "the Final Boss!" It happens when you are on the verge of becoming completely anxiety free. At this point, anxiety may still arise but only with a fraction of its full power. Today was the performance lecture and it was my turn to perform. I played Tommy Emmanuel's version of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" to the class, which consisted of the performance coach (a great guitarist) and around 20 people in my year. Everything was a complete success. I managed to capture everybody's attention and maintain it to the end, as indicated by the silence in the room. Even with the mistakes that I made, my friends really loved the performance and so did the coach. Although the purpose of these lectures is to give feedback and suggest ways of improving the performance, not one person expressed a desire for change. To them, my performance was perfect. Even the coach didn't make me play the piece again with the intention of improving it. This all sounds so good, doesn't it? Believe me, I'm smiling on a deeper level. But the trouble is once again performance anxiety. It might even be better described as STRESS. I was under (and am still under) stress from that performance. Once again, the mistakes I made were catastrophized in my mind and made out to be such a big deal. It drains the music from its joy from my perspective if from nobody else's. I told the class about the stress I was going through and the feedback in the room was exactly what I should have seen coming. My body posture gave the impression that I was calm and composed, and the mistakes I made were not nearly as noticeable to the audience as they were to me. The message is screaming in my face, wanting to be believed: WHAT I DO IS AWESOME AS IT IS. DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF! This is such a difficult thing for me to accept, though! Whenever anyone tells me how awesomely I perform, I deflect it instantly because its the humble thing to do. But truth be told, being humble about the years of dedicated work that I have done is only decreasing my ability to be happy. It's degrading. As soon as someone says "that was awesome," I always follow it up with "Stop it, no it wasn't, you're too kind, I'm nothing special." But those responses, as humble they might appear on a shallow level, are causing me to feel unhappy and unfulfilled. Not only that, I've seen for myself how that kind of response has been patronising to my friends. They genuinely believe that I am something special, and I'm not being delusional. I've just this second broken down into tears of deep joy. I've just woken up and realised that the people around me genuinely believe in me more than I do myself. They genuinely do. For years, I've been so sceptical about people when they give me compliments about my work. I always told myself "just because they say it, doesn't mean they believe it." But not only have I interpreted their words, I've just this second interpreted their actions. The actions of my friends and the performance coach have finally been received and understood. They were just content to sit and absorb the music that came from the performance. They enjoyed it so much that they took no action to try and improve it. In a situation where every person in the room is a great musician and is being super analytical on a performance, my performance inspired them to just sit back, relax, and enjoy the music without giving them the desire to change it in any way. My god, I'm fulfilling my life purpose right here. The reason for my stress was because I chose to resist this truth. I chose to resist the fact that I am inspiring others. I am awesome. And I feel I can say that now. Not in an egotistical way because I know not to identify with anything in the conscious realm. I also know that fundamentally, we are all one and we are all fucking awesome. I need to stop deflecting people's genuine compliments and accept the truth that my purpose is being fulfilled. In my efforts to remain humble, I've attracted so much pain into my life and into the one thing I feel a deep joy for in every waking moment. For years, I have been so scared to just flaunt my abilities because it would be the egotistal thing to do. That was the justification of my mind. But do you know what? IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK. The desire to be humble was an egotistical desire. This is because "humble" was a part of my self-image. But it's time to stop building an image of myself. It's time to start living in this world in the way I WANT to be living it. I want to accept the praise where it is due and I want to give the praise where its due. I was always very good at giving praise but never at receiving it. I am indebted to the universe right now, my friends, coaches, teachers, lecturers, family, and everyone. Without them, I would have never made this realisation. I'm not using "special" as the new word to describe my self-image. I'm completely abandoning my self-image. Because without striving for any self-image, I can live my life authentically and beautifully. I can allow the fulfilment to provide me with the deepest joys in life. When I do that, everything that I do will be done in such a joyful manner that it will eventually reproduce itself through action. Then, I will be able to influence others to feel the same joy and the same fulfilment that I received. That must be why it is so rewarding to watch a musician perform when that same musician is enrooted with a deep sense of fulfilment and joy. It's because the emotions become shared. I've gone from feeling a lingering stress to a beautiful state of being in around an hour. I need to contemplate what's just happened. Pick of the day:

Entry 77 | The Bummer About Performance Theory: Just because you can perform something in the rehearsal room does not mean you can do it as effortlessly for the actual performance. Applying it: If you find yourself struggling to perform something when it matters most, don't beat yourself up about it and don't be a drama queen. Accept it and carry on. Today I performed a monster 45 minute set at Firth Hall, Sheffield. It doesn't sound like that long to be on stage. But when you've gone 7 hours without food and every single song is monstrously difficult, it's pretty exhausting. Apologies in advance if this entry is lacking in any way. The majority of my set went down really well in terms of my state of mind and playing ability. However, on the 10-minute shred-athon that is "Woke Up Dreaming" by Joe Bonamassa, these things suffered a bit. I knew I had to perform it because it was the only chance I had before the big recital. Now I can approach it with the state of mind "I've done it before, so it can't be that bad." But the main thing I want to talk about is my mind processes during that piece. I was constantly watching out for my mistakes throughout the whole thing. And a good solid 80% of the piece was flawless. But that 20% was really noticeable in my mind. What's more, I knew that I had the ability to perform it because I can do it fine in the rehearsal room. But in a concert setting, everything changes. Lesson learned: just because you can play it to yourself doesn't imply that you can perform it just as easily to others. Now obviously, I know that this is true only to an extent. As in, it was true in that moment. But I know deep down that if I can master my thoughts and emotions, I can perform that piece effortlessly regardless of what the external circumstance may be. And granted, with that piece aside, I have never felt more comfortable in a solo performance than I did today. The biggest problem that I faced was too much self-criticism. After each wrong note, I catastrophized the moment in my head. And it was this way of thinking that produced a negative energy inside of me. My mum recorded me playing the tune and when I watched it back, I found that most of those "huge" mistakes were really tiny in reality. This was an eye-opening experience. When I'm in the moment of reciting the music, I know every single note of the music that needs to be played and I focus strongly on it. Whenever a mistake happens, I know about it. However, when I'm in the moment of listening to the music without performing it, the mistakes become far less noticeable. This is somewhat good news. It has shown me how unnecessary it is to be self-critical during performance. Its sole purpose in a concert setting is to make me feel bad. It's an Upper Limit Problem, as Gay Hendricks would say. Self-criticism is most useful in the rehearsal room when it doesn't matter how many mistakes you make. But in a concert setting, the most important thing to focus on is enjoying the moment and feeling the music flow through your body. On reflection, the human body is limited as far as existence is concerned. Mistakes are bound to happen at some point because, after all, we are not machines. We are human beings. What is unlimited is the eternal place from which the music comes from: the creative Muse. As long as I can surrender my body to the Muse and allow the music to flow through it in a concert, then I will have delivered it successfully. And overall, I feel like I achieved that. Emotions are so interesting. While its common to feel happy on the surface level and depressed on a deeper level, I feel the opposite. My body and mind are exhausted but underneath it all, I feel fulfilled with what I've achieved so far. I'll probably feel that fulfilment much deeper tomorrow. Pick of the day:

Entry 76 | 10 Years of Playing Guitar: What I've Learned I've started a blog on my website! This is a more professional extension to what I write in this journal. Although the self-actualization stuff will be less in-depth compared to this journal, I will talk about anything and everything that interests me. Anyone who is interested in getting to know my story and opinions in greater depth, I invite you to check it out. I will aim to update this blog once per week, which means that 1 out of every 7 journal entries in this journal will be a link to my blog. Please don't confuse this as being spam. The truth is that I simply can't commit the time to make a blog post AND a journal entry on the same day. Instead, treat the blog post as one of my usual journal entries. All that has changed is the location on the web. I hope to see you there https://www.liamjohnsonmusic.com/single-post/2017/02/26/10-Years-of-Playing-Guitar-What-Ive-Learned

Entry 75 | Master Of Sleep Theory: The more you are able to be accepting of the present moment, the better you will be able to sleep at night. Applying it: Remind yourself that sleep is triggered from within. It does not rely upon anything in the external universe to create it. Ooh, this could actually be a deeper topic than I initially had in mind. Last night, my neighbours threw a party. And in typical student fashion, it continued until around 8am this morning. Loud dubstep-like music was playing from the guy's room opposite mine, so I could hear everything vibrantly. There must be a few angry neighbours around the block who didn't get enough sleep. But it just so happened that I slept like a log throughout the whole night. That is excluding one moment where the music got loud which woke me up for no more than a minute. This is wonderful news to know that I can sleep so soundly! Earlier in my entries, I was discussing my trouble sleeping all the way through the night. Now more than ever, that has become a thing of the past. Before I went to sleep, I did exactly what I have described above. I spoke aloud to myself, explaining that sleep comes from within. Nothing in the external universe can create sleep because it comes from deep within. It comes directly from the unconscious realm: the source of awareness. Not only did I reaffirm these truths to myself, I focused my mind so that the only thoughts that it digested were thoughts of sleep. The principles of success outlined in Think and Grow Rich came in handy here. By strengthening the desire to sleep by repeating the word "sleep" in my mind, I managed to receive it within only a few minutes. What helps too is that I wake up at the same time each morning: 7 am. I go to bed when my body feels tired, meaning that some nights can last longer than others. But by having an alarm for 7 am every morning, my mind recognises the habit and calls me to bed when it is ready. This further facilitates a better night's sleep. Now onto the deeper point of this topic, which has only just entered my mind. To repeat, sleep comes from within. That means NO external senses of sight, sound, and feeling can produce sleep. Now contemplate what happens throughout the conscious day. These external senses are being processed by the brain, which determines how the body reacts to the external world. Could sleep be possible during all of this? Just because you can see, hear, and feel on an external level doesn't suddenly mean that you are awake. Because sleep comes from within regardless of external circumstance, there is no reason why it can't operate in the midst of sight, sound, and sensation. This is where spiritual awakening comes into play. By waking up a little bit, you may experience the internal universe of thought, imagination, and emotion. By waking up even more, you may experience the True Self, God, Nothingness, or any other word that describes this thing that cannot be described in words. I've caught myself before in moments where I was so asleep that my thoughts and emotions were unconscious. I may agree to do a favour for someone instantaneously without paying attention to thoughts. It happens the other way around too. I can be so engaged with my thoughts and emotions that I pay no attention to what is happening externally. Even as I write this entry, my thoughts become so dominant that I forget to pay attention to what my body is doing. Perhaps it is sitting in an uncomfortable position and I haven't realised it yet. Once again, we have a balancing act. If one can pay attention to both the internal and external universes at the same time, then one can be more awake. Pick of the day: (It's random, I know. But it popped onto my YouTube feed.) (Also, I just realised that this film is a depiction of the success principles used correctly. Dorothy is persistent with her desire to return home. She meets other people with different stories but with the same desire for change. When they finally meet the wizard, he teaches them that they have had what they wanted all along. At this point, they WAKE UP and realise the truth and are, therefore, ready to receive it. That's why the good witch said she had to "work it out for herself.") (What's more, Dorothy needed to have faith in the belief "there's no place like home" in order for that belief to work its magic and grant her what she desires. If she tried to use the belief at the beginning of the movie, she wouldn't have had faith in its ability to take her home. That is why the good witch appears to her after she has learned the lesson of life. I will never look at this story in the same way again!)

Entry 74 | The Perfect Day Theory: Very rarely will a day come in which nearly all aspects of it are "perfect." That is unless you adopt the right mindset. Applying it: When days like this actually happen, embrace the positive energy and try to make it last as long as possible. This will allow you to both feel present and fulfilled. If days seem imperfect, reconnect with your inner sense of being and aliveness. Today has felt perfect in every sense for me today. I have the house to myself, my swimming session this morning was on point, I managed to learn 3 difficult pieces for an upcoming musical, my pasta dish for tea was tastier and more nourishing than ever before... It just feels so kick-ass to have everything be "perfect." Last night, I was in hysterics about the ridiculousness of life itself. The laughter just kept on going for a good half-hour before I managed to get some sleep. It was a rare and wonderful experience to just laugh at the puny little dramas and stories of life. Maybe that vibe has had a knock-on effect for today's success. But these "perfect" days seem to happen very infrequently. But maybe that is because of the adopted mindset of the individual. Revisiting the law of attraction, what thoughts you allow your mind to focus on is what you attract into your life. Perhaps perfect days are possible on a daily basis. In fact, by connecting with your inner sense of being, you will begin to notice that everything is perfect as it is. That's partially what kept me laughing last night. During the day, my mind focuses on music, music, and more music. But in that moment, all I could care about was the present moment. All I cared about was observing this body sitting on the bed with a candle lit beside it. It was such a beautiful moment that one wonders why desires for change come about in the first place! As much as desire is a wonderful tool that can create some of the longest-lasting, positive changes in the external universe, they are constantly in a state of hurry. "I need to act now while I still have time!" Although this can be a good thing, it is important not to get so caught up in the chase that you forget what is happening right now. Once you can remove yourself from the chase of desire, you can appreciate the present moment for what it truly is: perfect. People often complain that "Life is so hard!" And yet by observing the present moment, it exists so effortlessly. The same people also say such comments like "Well if only I had [circumstance] in my life, then life would be perfect." But by once again observing the present moment, it glows with perfection. This might be a difficult pill to swallow for some people because on the external level, they see nothing but ruin. That was me during my secondary school years. But when you can look deeper into the present moment (which initially takes time and effort), you wake up and realise the truth. Maybe, then, it is a highly likely possibility that my fit of laughter last night has influenced my success today. To look at it from a different perspective, the laughter was brought about by my realisation and response to the truth that the present moment is perfect as it is. Once this paradigm shift occurred on an internal level, the same energy was able to influence what happened on the external level. In summary, my thoughts about the genuine perfection of the present moment were able to influence my actions and results today. Pick of the day:

Entry 73 | Selfishness Theory: Many people use the word "selfish" incorrectly to describe the actions of others. Applying it: Go look up the dictionary definition if necessary. Then ask yourself "What would be the most selfish thing to do with my life?" Contemplate whether the actions you are taking on a daily basis reflect the answer to this question. This has been a bugging question on my mind for a lot of years. Especially in regards to personal development, all of the work I do could be considered as being very "self-centered" and "selfish." That is to do with the obvious fact that it requires you to focus on your desires, motives, emotional well-being, and so forth. But in actual fact, the whole point of self-actualization and enlightenment work is to remove the self. Then I remember hearing in music interviews and articles that you need to have ego in order to be a success in the business. That would imply that you have to be selfish to a certain extent. And as an aspiring musician who is passionate about self-actualization and enlightenment, that created some dissonance within me. Am I being selfish or selfless with my work? Maybe a bit of both? Ultimately, I've decided that my motives to become a masterful musician are not selfish ones. This was reaffirmed to me a few minutes ago when I looked up the dictionary definition of the word "selfish:" Although my motives may inevitably lead to some personal gains, my chief reason for doing what I do is to inspire people by showing them what is possible. This could never be considered as a selfish motive because it focuses on the needs of other people rather than myself. Another reason why I know it is not a selfish motive is the deep fulfilment that occurs within me when just one person praises my work because of how it inspired them. The shared feeling of awe and fulfilment between an audience and myself is worth more than any material riches in this world. It is a sign from the "Infinite Intelligence" that my purpose has been fulfilled. Despite all of this, there will be people who will observe the work I do and misinterpret it. "Look at him. He's just trying to tell the world how much better he is compared to everyone else. He's just doing it to big himself up. His music just reeks of egotism." I know this because these thoughts have entered my mind in the past. But it is important to recognise that this is only the surface-level interpretation, which is incredibly shallow. I once had these exact thoughts about the guitarist Michael Hedges. I saw one video and thought "Who does he think he is? That isn't difficult guitar stuff that he's playing, yet he's supposed to be this innovative guitarist? Look at him smiling and dancing around while he performs. He must be ridiculously self-centered and egotistical." But after breaking through those shallow thoughts, I began to see the guy for who he truly was. In my opinion, he was one of the most humble and happy guitarists I had ever come across. I soon went on to idolise him by learning his many pieces and watching as many videos as I could of the guy. This is important. The surface-level thoughts that determine whether someone is selfish are not always accurate. Search for the deeper-level understanding. For instance, through no choice of my own, I receive a vast range of musical compositions from the creative muses. Music simply appears into my existence as plain as thought, imagination, and emotion. What would be the most selfish thing to do with my life? In my case, the most selfish thing to do would be to ignore the music and focus on building my own agenda in life. The worst thing to do would be to ignore what my intuition wants me to do with the music and keep it to myself. What's more, the ego facilitates this by creating thoughts such as "Nobody wants to listen to that music" and "Why don't you focus on getting a real job?" It is obvious that the creative muses have chosen this body and mind to produce something specific and beautiful in this world through the medium of music. The most selfish thing to do would be to deny this truth. This truth only being relative to my existence: it will vary from person to person what their relevant truth is. The most selfless thing that I can do with my life is to surrender this body and mind to the creative muses so that they may use them to create whatever it is they wish to bring into existence. A good indicator of the selfishness of another human being would be to observe whether they believe their work to be owned by themselves. Musicians who are very proud to call a piece of music "mine" communicate something very differently to those who embody the truth that music is created through them, not by them. The same goes with every aspect of life. The truly selfish people are those who act upon the ego, rather than acting for the collective consciousness of all people. If a person gives a beggar on the street spare change with the intention of appearing selfless to others, that counterintuitively facilitates the strengthening of the ego. Alternatively, if a person chooses not to give money to the beggar because they recognise that it will condone their behaviour, this would actually be the most selfless thing to do. Maybe if enough people chose to not give the beggar money, he would be inclined to revise his strategies and learn to acquire money in a way that benefited others as well as himself. Selfishness seems to be a concept that is thrown around willy-nilly. As long as you can make the distinction between surface-level and deeper-level interpretations, you can aspire to live your life in the most selfless way possible. Pick of the day:

Entry 72 | Naming Things + Bizarre Experience Theory: When it comes to naming a piece of artwork, try to connect with it on a deeper level so that you can interpret it more clearly. Applying it: Become aware of the imagery, thoughts, and emotions that occur when exposed to the art form and try to sum up these things into a succinct title. I've just spent around an hour trying to name a new piece of music that hasn't even been fully written yet. It's not usual practice for me to name tunes this early on in the creative process but I had to hand in my programme notes for the final year recital. It will be interesting to see how the composition develops as a result of the name being decided so early. The first tactic I used was to just sit around and wait for inspiration to hit. A few names popped up such as Funky Badger and Bulldog Spirit. I would have really liked to use Funky Badger but I was persuaded otherwise after looking on Urban Dictionary to see what "funk badger" meant. Safe to say that it wasn't too appropriate for an exam! After conceding that this tactic wasn't working, I decided to pick up my guitar and play the tune to myself so that I could hear it in the external universe through sound, rather than the internal universe of imagination. Within about a minute, I managed to come up with the title Sidewalk Shuffle. This suited the nature of the piece so much more than the other two because I kept imagining myself playing this tune in a busking session out in the street. Also, the Urban Dictionary definition was far more satisfying. I don't profess to be a natural when it comes to naming pieces. Instead of listening to music and seeing a title, I see all of the necessary imagery that aligns with the piece. It was useful to focus on that imagery as a foundation for the title to be created upon. Granted, I've come up with the name Sidewalk Shuffle for a composition ages ago. But for some reason, I decided to name the older piece differently. It suited the newer composition much better. Given that this is quite a specific topic to talk about, I won't go on about it for long. But it was interesting to observe that the name suddenly jumped out at me once I could hear the music through sound rather than just imagining it. By hearing the music through sound, I could free up my internal universe to receive creative inspiration. That's what fascinates me. - I felt as though I needed to write about something vaguely practical. I'm very spaced out at the moment. Not on drugs, alcohol, or any kind of high. But just on existence. It was at lunchtime today that it hit me like a lightning strike. What the hell is this existence? I don't know how it even exists in the first place. Sure, there's the basic human need for understanding within this universe. Knowledge is useful in this conscious world. But seriously, what is this existence? It is born out of unconsciousness and it will die away into unconsciousness. There have been a few experiences like this in the past but none of them took me back quite as much as it did today. It's just shocking. Everything that is perceived to be "normal existence" is just a construct within existence itself. My experience was what I can only describe as the definitive present moment. No past, no future. Just the ever-changing, raw data of the present moment. It feels like the combination of awe, laughter, and terror. No words I can muster come close to describing it. The feeling is returning as I type, knowing full well that "I" is all part of this construct of this conscious reality. My head has just exploded again. Time to go. Pick of the day:

Entry 71 | Death and Unconsciousness Theory: By examining death as being "the opposite of life," it can lead to all sorts of insights into what death actually is. Applying it: Realise that death is just unconsciousness and that it is nothing to fear. Remind yourself each day of this to shatter your fear of death and build more confidence. Over the last few days, I've been regularly contemplating the 'conscious realm' and the 'unconscious realm.' In other words, life and death. It is safe to assume that we experience both of these on a regular basis. The conscious realm is our waking life and the unconscious realm is the nothingness of deep sleep. I managed to dispell the common notions of death a few years ago with similar contemplation. The idea of an afterlife, or heaven and hell, seemed to be untrue in my eyes. Here's the reasoning I came to back in the day. If you consider death as simply "the opposite of life," then we have all experienced death already. The universe is said to have existed for billions of years prior to the present moment. During all that time, our bodies and minds were not born yet and, therefore, were not alive yet. You could say that we experienced billions of years of death before we were born into this universe. When our bodies and minds die, we simply return to that state of death. It is important to realise that this was based on certain assumptions. Those assumptions include that the universe DID exist for billions of years prior to our birth. But if all assumptions were thrown aside, nothing can change the fact that we were born out of death. We were born out of unconsciousness. I'm going to use "death" and "unconsciousness" interchangeably here. Think about the unconsciousness of sleep. There is a wonderful moment that happens when we slip into an unconscious state of being from our conscious being. Even more wonderful when you try to remember when that magic moment happened the next morning. Unconsciousness is free from sight, sound, sensation, thought, feelings, imagination, and self. Unconsciousness is nothingness. No forms exist within it. There is no such thing as time or space in the unconscious realm. The amazing thing about the unconscious realm is that it is whole and complete. Although there is no observer of the unconscious realm, it seems as though there is nothing lacking within it. From the unconscious state, there need not be a conscious realm to inhabit it. There's not even the possibility of a conscious realm in the state of unconsciousness. There need not be a body, a life, time and space, etc. The unconscious realm is perfect in its emptiness. What also baffles me is that when the conscious realm is being observed, one cannot begin to conceptualise the idea of unconsciousness. That is because it is beyond thought itself. As human beings, we experience the unconscious realm every time we sleep. And yet as we are 'awake,' the very idea of there being an unconscious realm seems unimaginable. There are some serious benefits that come from contemplating this stuff. The biggest of them all being the eventual removal of the fear of death. If you can equate death with the unconscious realm that we experience on a regular basis, then you realise that there is nothing to fear about death. That's what I'm working on at the minute. If this body and mind dies, that familiar but unimaginable state of unconsciousness is all that awaits. Nothing more. Also by contemplating these possibilities, it puts everything into perspective with regards to the conscious realm. All of these activities and goals that we set for ourselves are not nearly as important as we make them out to be. Sure, they can be useful from the human being's perspective because it can enable personal growth and evolution to occur. But in the grand scheme of life and death, they are not to be put on some pedestal that makes them more important than existence itself. Pick of the day:

Entry 70 | Reflection Today has proven that I have become more at one with existence than I have ever been before. Throughout the day, I've managed to remain playful and chirpy with my work. I'm incredibly comfortable to show up as the best version of "me" possible without worrying how normal people are supposed to behave. When walking past a practice room, I heard a singer going for it. Her friend was at the window and she looked at me as I walked past. Rather than just producing a boring smile as is often the case, I felt the urge to give my best lip-synching impression of the singer in the practice room. I didn't stick around to see her reaction. Afterwards came the thought of "where the fuck did that come from, Liam?!" Although she was a stranger, I felt completely comfortable to be spontaneous in front of her. That's when I knew my confidence had reached an all-time high in the last 10 years. Also, I seem to have developed an energy field around me today that has made myself and my work buddies super productive. The first occasion was with the folk fusion trio. Although we were always comfortable together, I seemed to take on more leadership within the practice session today. It does fluctuate, I guess. Each member has their say and their moment to lead the group. But today seemed to be my lucky day, which perhaps links to my playful attitude. The second group was for a module called Collaboratory Project. This entails a musical performance with live electronic manipulation. We had lots of trouble getting the technology to work for us. The general attitude in the room was to just quit and come back another day to compose music. But I kept faith in our ability to succeed with the setbacks we had. I managed to influence the group to continue working on composing a piece of music without explicitly telling everybody to keep going. In my mind, I was faithful that we could produce some great work even with such a fundamental flaw holding us back. We managed to create a piece for electric bass and several tabla drums. We recorded a video of our work and, honestly, the result we ended up with was pretty good! It's just been a wonderful experience to influence other people to be productive without becoming a bossy-boots. May other days reflect today in that sense. My life so far doesn't feel overly exciting, nor does it feel overly depressing. It just is what it is. Peaceful. For anyone who is new to personal development and self-actualization, you may have watched videos of Leo in which he says something like "stick with this work for a few years and see how your life can transform." I've done a few years of work now and, without a doubt, I have become the most at peace with my existence now than I ever have been. When I once cried about my social anxiety, now I'm making a goof of myself in front of strangers and giving no fucks. Instead of hoping for an improved life, I'm striving for one. Instead of feeling ashamed of my body, I'm embracing it. Instead of feeling unloved, I feel so full of love. Instead of wondering whether my life will be successful, I'm taking highly-determined action to make sure that my life will be extraordinary. I've been through enough adversities in my life to develop a passion for this work over the last few years. And even after all of the positive things that it has brought me, I'm still very much at the beginning of this journey. There is still so much to explore in this life. Only this work will make you truly curious and passionate about the existence that you experience. And once you develop the acquired taste, that's when your life turns from good to amazing. Pick of the day:

Entry 69 | Acting On Intuition Theory: Rather than relying on the logical reasoning of the mind to make your decisions, allow your intuition to guide you to where you want to be. Applying it: If you notice a sceptical voice in your mind criticising certain actions and plans, be sure to recognise if that voice belongs to the reasoning faculty of the mind. Once you acknowledge it, look for a deeper understanding within you, tap into your intuitive mind, and act upon it. I've recently emailed a colleague with a programme of pieces I intend to play at a concert in 2-3 weeks time. However, one of the pieces I've chosen is far from ready at the present moment. It's devilishly difficult to play and it will take lots of time to get it to a good-enough performance standard. (Regardless of whether or not I've linked it before, I'll link the piece as my pick of the day. It's hilarious and brilliant!) So what led me to make that decision? As soon as the idea came to me to pick that piece, the critical voice in my head blew up in outrage. "Surely you don't want to choose that piece. You can't play it all the way through yet, and it will take another few months to get it to sound good." I noticed this voice and heeded its warning. But as I sat with the choice for a few moments, something was pulling me towards it. There was some kind of attraction about the piece that made me want to choose it anyway. Knowing that I would eventually have to learn the piece anyway, I decided to challenge myself and put it in the programme notes for the concert. If I didn't know any better, I'd call that an intuitive decision. It stood against all logic, yet it felt magnetic in its attraction. It certainly aligns with my goals to become a masterful musician. Not only was it an intuitive decision, the definiteness of my decision has been able to influence my learning capacity over the last few days. After just two days, I went from knowing half the piece to knowing the whole piece conceptually. All the work I have to do now is to become comfortable with it and practice lots using the techniques I have mentioned before. Something tells me that this piece is going to rock when it gets performed! Thanks to all of my work so far, there are no doubts in my mind that things are going to succeed because I will make them succeed at any cost. With such a decision to follow the intuition requires commitment, determination, faith, and willpower. Without these things, the necessary action will not be taken to achieve this goal. That is perhaps the reason why I have met with failure upon previous attempts to live up to my intuition. The combination of these elements allows you to make time for action to take place. There is no such thing as 'lack of time' when it comes to pursuing your goals. But there can be such a thing as lack of determination, willpower, commitment, and faith. So when a situation calls for a decision, the first thing to do is to become aware of the internal forms that happen. There will be both brain chatter and spiritual forms that attract you to the intuitive mind. Once these things are distinguished, make the decision to follow the intuitive mind. Be unwavering with your decision, however, as there is a price that must be paid for it. Usually, its time and effort (or the sum of the principles described above.) If you can be willing to pay that price and remain focused in the long-term, your reward will eventually come. Or to put it in the broadest of terms, don't choose the boring life. Choose the challenging one! Pick of the day:

Entry 68 | Sharing Your Art With Others Theory: Provided you have developed sufficient mastery of your art, you have the power to truly inspire everybody that you share it with. All you have to do is deliver it with confidence. Applying it: Aim to share your art with as many people as you can. Maintain awareness of your thought patterns in the present moment as these are what you are communicating with your audience. One question that always used to bug me was "How can I communicate through music?" Music communicates far more abstract concepts than language often does. Most people are also aware if a piece of music is expressive or communicative upon a few seconds of listening. Yet when trying to pinpoint what exactly is being communicated, the answer is not obvious at all. But then I read a passage in Think and Grow Rich that gave me an insight into this process: In summary, thoughts mixed with a list of 'major emotions' are the thoughts that are broadcasted from one brain to another. What this suggests is that during a music performance, the thoughts of the performer are intensified through emotion and communicated to the audience. I should mention that this quote was pulled from the chapter "The Subconscious Mind," therefore implying that this process happens subconsciously. In my personal experience, this makes so much sense. Whenever I'm at a concert and I'm filled with love and desire, it comes across clearly to the audience. On the other hand, audience members have picked up on the fear I've experienced during concerts. This mostly happens when I have to stop performing and talk to them. Love, desire, and fear fall under the category of a 'major emotion.' Thoughts mixed with these emotions are the ones that become broadcasted from one brain to another. So here is the way to deal with it: From the present moment, right the way through until I take the final bow at a concert, I must aim to deliver thoughts fueled with passion and love for what I do. There must be no trace of fear in any of my practice sessions nor on the day of the concert. I remind myself of my love for life every time I pick up the guitar. There is a lot of love and desire for what I do, but there is also a trace of fear. Particularly, fear of failure. These must be eliminated and replaced with thoughts connected with love and desire if I want to make the most success out of performance. Once you start sharing your art form with others, you can use them as an indicator for how they received your broadcasted thoughts. If their body language and tone of voice reflect that of genuine excitement, awe or wonder, then you know that you've done a good job. If people are telling you nice things about your work in an unconvincing manner, there may be reason to believe that your desire and love could potentially be a lot stronger. Naturally, you can't please all of the people all of the time. There will always be someone who finds it necessary to criticize your work. To which possibility, I present the following quote from The War Of Art: So to wrap things up, present your art to the world with as much conviction as you can muster and as little fear as you can achieve. Only then will you be able to convert "good art" into "extraordinary art." Pick of the day:

FINALLY BY SOME MAGIC THAT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT HAPPENED, EMBEDDED YOUTUBE VIDEOS!!!

Entry 67 | Deeper Motivations For Money Theory: Money serves a far greater function than to make life comfortable with material possessions. Applying it: Whenever pursuing a large amount of money, identify the root causes of the desire. It will often be deeper than the shallow desire for comfort. So I’ve been following some of the instructions in Think And Grow Rich. As the title suggests, the book is largely focussed on developing a money consciousness. Although, most of the wisdom within it can be applied to any aspect of life that requires success. The book has encouraged me to be certain of the amount of money I want to earn. I’m not going to be specific on this journal with my desires because that would give the game away. But as I was going through the exercise, I started contemplating why I wanted the amount of money that I wanted. The first few answers are completely what you might expect. I would be able to buy a good home, travel the world in style, buy new instruments, treat my family, and live my life without having to worry about finances. These surface-level desires are similar to what most people would use the money for: to make life comfortable. But I’ve been on this journey to recognise that there will be no fulfilment out of these things. Fulfilment can be experienced at any given moment. And rightly so, I feel very fulfilled with how my life looks in the present moment. But even though I recognise that these things will not create fulfilment, there’s part of me that wants to strive for the hell of it. It would be wonderful to achieve my goals because it would be my way of telling the world “if I can achieve this lifestyle, you can too.” It fits in with my motivations to serve as a living example of what is possible. The contemplation never stopped there, though. I contemplated a similar concept to what Leo has described before as the “Million-Dollar Question.” If I had achieved all of my financial goals and had lots of money left over, why should I pursue even more money? After a moment of silence, the answer presented itself: the more money I could earn, the more I could give away. If I could be wealthy enough to give money away to people who really deserve it to achieve their own goals in life, that would be such a fulfilling experience to watch. I’ve received a performance scholarship of £3000 by a guy called Dr Mo Sacoor. His generosity has not only helped me financially to invest in my career, but the very act of giving the money has provided me with the ultimate incentive that performance is my vocation. I aim to return my gratitude to him by giving it everything I’ve got with my performance. If I can turn my life story into a highly-successful one, he will be sure to feel a huge amount of fulfillment from contributing to it. Once my life is sorted out, it would be an amazing experience to then assume the role of the money-giver and choose to help out people who are passionate about living an extraordinary life. It is for this reason that I feel compelled to earn the money I want to earn. Not to please myself, but to give to those who will benefit from it most. In that sense, money becomes a baton that has been passed on from successful person to successful person. For that reason, there is no need to become too attached to money. So when others complain about how bad money is in this capitalist world, I’d like to suggest that money is a powerful incentive even on a spiritual level. If it weren’t for that scholarship, I would have assumed that I was just an average performer with limited potential for the rest of my life. The money has given me reason to believe that I have the ability to create something special in this world. That’s exactly what I intend to do. Pick of the day:

Entry 66 | Self-Confidence And Acceptance Theory: The very nature of self-confidence is to willingly accept anything that the present moment contains, without the need to pass judgment on it. Applying it: No matter what situation the present moment may bring, try to let go of any resistance towards it. Once you can do this consistently, you will be able to embrace it with full confidence. I CAN’T LOG ON TO THE FORUM! It can’t just be my internet because all other sites work fine. If there’s something going on with the website, I’m sure Leo’s working on it, bless him. But anyway, I will continue to write my journal for today on Microsoft Starter. When the site is working again, I’ll upload it. Today has been a great day in terms of maintaining high consciousness. This is possibly because of the new insight I have received regarding self-confidence. Throughout the day, I’ve been able to remain largely present no matter what situation came about. The insight is that self-confidence links with the ability to accept the present moment without resisting it. It is such an obvious insight now I come to think of it. Every time I feel anxious or fearful about something, there is a resistance to the present moment that intensifies the emotion. Whenever the thoughts “I don’t want to be here” and “this isn’t what I want to be happening” enter my head, my consciousness retracts inward. What this is mainly about is extending states of higher consciousness across every aspect of my life. For about a year now, I have had some enlightenment experiences now and then during meditation sessions. However, I struggled to maintain that level of consciousness whenever action was called for. It feels much more difficult to remain in a high-consciousness state when you are taking action towards something. For example, when walking to work, watching videos, engaging in conversations, doing things at work, exercising, and all sorts of things. It is much easier to reach these states of consciousness in solitude. Coincidentally, isn’t it true that you are the most confident when you are in solitude? I can always perform music much easier when I’m playing to myself than when I am playing in front of others. When alone, I am confident that I can deliver the music without making many mistakes. Yet as soon as I am aware of but one audience member, an anxiety develops within me as I stress the importance of not fucking up. Self-confidence and acceptance are not the same thing. One is merely a product of the other. When you begin to accept and love the present moment unconditionally, self-confidence is able to grow within you. I bumped into my flatmate on my way to university. He was the same one that I became frustrated with a few days ago. But instead of resisting his company and becoming frustrated at him, I accepted and welcomed his presence. Suddenly, I was able to maintain a deep level of peace as we walked into town. After dropping all reasons to resist the present moment, I embraced it and, in turn, the present moment embraced me. To admit to myself that I have been falling for the trap of the Ego is something that I’m not particularly proud of. Although, I don’t feel it necessary to criticise myself for it. As far as my self-actualization journey is concerned, I am very much in the beginning stages. I have been resisting the present moment and losing myself in negative thoughts. However, I am grateful to have developed such a mindset that has allowed me to recognise my mistakes and take action to learn from them. In fact, this journal has been so helpful for my mindset. Every day, it encourages me to learn something new each day. If I meet with failure, the journal allows me to dissect the failure and extract the lesson from it. If I meet with success, the journal is the place to document the lessons that helped me achieve the success. Although today’s lesson perhaps wasn’t the most exciting one, it has given me a method to extend my heightened state of consciousness to include every aspect of my life. From now on, high levels of consciousness no longer need to be reserved for meditation and contemplation. An important factor to consider is that I received the direct experience of this lesson. Without “connecting the dots” for myself, this lesson would not seem completely sound. But to conclude, I’ve persisted with my desire to become more self-confident. As a result, a deeper insight has entered my direct experience. Pick of the day:

Entry 65 | Friendship Theory: Your experience of physical reality is a reflection of the thoughts that you think. Therefore, your friends are included in this truth. Applying it: Look at the relationship you have with the people in your life. Notice how they change when you start housing new thoughts and passions in your mind. As you grow on this self-actualization passage, you may lose friends along the way. Friendships have been hit and miss for me. I've managed to create some wonderful friendships and lose even more of them. During school, I was forced to get used to life without a secure friendship. This caused me lots of emotional torment lasting many years. But ultimately, it has transformed me into a person who no longer feels needy about friendships. As I've been travelling along this self-actualization journey, there has been significant changes in my life. One of those changes is my friendship with my flatmates. In particular, the friendship between myself and my 'best friend' is changing. I'm taking lots of action on a daily basis to make the most out of life whilst he continues to do the same activities that he's always done. Whilst I go to the gym, he stays in bed. Whilst I attend my lectures, he stays at home. Whilst I make the effort to cook healthy food, he cooks a ping meal. I keep becoming frustrated at him for not wanting to keep up with me. But as wonderful as it would be to have a friend go through a growing process with me, it won't always happen. In fact, when I stopped cooking communal meals, he has slowly fucked up his eating pattern to the point of sickness. This suggests that he really can't be arsed to learn how to cook for himself. Furthermore, it suggests that he has no authentic desire to grow as a human being. He doesn't wish to lead by example as I do. It's a shame that I don't feel motivated to talk about all of the positive things that happened to me today. Today has been such a good day from waking up this morning until about an hour ago. But there's no point pretending that the positive stuff is all that matters. It would be unwise to just document all of the triumphs throughout my day without mentioning the failures. The main thing I need to remind myself is to focus on shaping my own life rather than the lives of others. Especially when it comes to personal growth. It seems that personal growth can only occur when it comes from an authentic desire within the person. Not many people have cultivated that desire. Therefore, any action that you try to induce them to take will eventually fall through in the end. Another thing to remember is that friendships are ever changing. They are not needed for fulfilment. As one friendship falls apart, it opens up room for an equal or better friendship to take its place. Something I desperately need to focus on is frustration. Rather than choosing to act upon frustrations, I need to remain present with the frustration and see it for what it actually is. The deepest reason why I get frustrated at my flatmate is because I feel sorry for him. I can recognise the subconscious mechanisms at play in his mind while he is oblivious to it. When he tells me that he can make the gym in the morning, it pains me when I can accurately predict what his true actions will be. This is perhaps the most personal I've become on this journal. I'm a little taken back by the realization that there really are few individuals out there willing to go the extra mile to better themselves. On the one hand, I ought to be extremely grateful for my position in the current state of things. On the other hand, isn't it such a shame that there are so many people who will go through life believing themselves to be happy, when in actual fact, they are far from fulfilled with life? ... All things considered, life is about much more than having good friendships. They are not worth prioritising in light of some of the more mysterious questions in life. For instance, which is the truest reality: the conscious realm or the unconscious realm? My plan tonight will be to contemplate this question even further. Last night, it allowed me to find the petty little dramas of human life completely laughable. They are pretty nonsensical in the grand scheme of things! They are certainly not worthy of your highest levels of focus and concentration. I feel a bit weird emotionally, so it's time to stop writing. Pick of the day: Evelyn Glennie & Fred Frith improvising

Entry 64 | Thought Overload Theory: Sometimes, unnecessary thoughts can come flooding into your mind, sucking you out of the present moment. Applying it: If you notice this happening and it feels too powerful to stop it with awareness alone, force yourself to work productively on your life purpose. This will shift your concentration to the present moment. Long before I became an official self-help student, this was the oldest technique I used to improve my spirits. Almost 10 years later, I can safely say that it has worked wonders on my life. Without it, I wouldn't be studying music at university and I wouldn't be half the guitar player I am now. Most days, I would return from school feeling depressed about my day. At home, I would replay the many uncomfortable scenarios of school in my mind and make myself feel low. It happened so much that it felt impossible to stop dwelling on them. But I will always remember the "a-ha" moment that made me decide to become a professional guitar player. After that moment, I would come in from school feeling depressed and I would get to work on the guitar. As I practiced, something magical started happening emotionally. No longer would I be replaying those tormenting school scenarios in my head. Instead, my mind was full of vision. A grand vision for myself that involved me playing guitar in front of thousands of audience members. Most people would consider that as wishful thinking. But at that point in my life, it felt as though there was nothing to lose. As soon as my mind was filled with visions of the future, my learning pace increased dramatically. It didn't feel difficult either because I had made the decision not to quit, no matter what. The rest is history. My guitar playing has earned me some of the highest marks academically as well as awards for excellence in performance. All of my work started paying off wonderfully. People often refer to music as a medicine. That isn't strictly true. The medicine is the combination of having a clear vision for the future and the definiteness of decision to pursue it against all odds. It just so happened that music was my salvation. For other people, it may be business, fitness, cooking, painting, and so on. A thought overload came to me earlier today in a similar manner to my school years. It was just thought after thought of "I can't believe this happened" and "today was such a shit day." My first tactic was to just sit and be present with my thoughts in the hope that they would die down. Alas, they kept on coming. Every single thought that occurred was completely irrelevant in the present moment. I could see how unnecessary they all were. To combat them, I returned to the oldest trick in the bag: play some guitar! By playing guitar, I am reconnecting myself with my vision for the future. As a result, I become more present. Sure it might be a forced way of dealing with those thoughts. Some might say that it doesn't resolve the issues relating to the thoughts. But above all, the most important factor to remember is that all thoughts are optional. Thoughts are choices. I notice the destructive thoughts in my mind. Then, I choose to replace those thoughts with thoughts of a constructive nature. Instead of obsessing about all the negative aspects of the past, choose to focus on what thoughts can serve you in the present moment. You don't need to spend time questioning negative thoughts if you have a clear vision for your future. If negative thoughts come, acknowledge them and replace them with positive ones. For someone with an unclear vision for the future, it will be difficult to replace thoughts just like that. But for people who are visionaries, think the necessary thoughts that will cause you to take action on your goals. Don't get caught up in the drama, focus on what you can achieve today to create a better tomorrow. Pick of the day: Tribes - Preston Reed

Entry 63 | Defining Yourself Theory: Becoming too rigid with definitions about yourself can prevent personal growth and self-enquiry. Applying it: Ask yourself "What am I?" Contemplate this over a few weeks, months, and years and be aware that all answers to this question are assumptions. Consider the possibility that these assumed definitions of yourself could be false. After re-reading the topic summary for myself, I can recognise how much scope this question presents. Initially, this question might seem easy to answer. My answer could include "Well I'm Liam. I'm a musician, I play guitar, I'm a student, I'm a human being, I'm alive..." Notice how many times the word "I" comes into play here. There is nothing wrong with the word "I," but the way it is used, as an answer to this question, suggests that the answers are coming from a place of identification. In other words, the Ego. These descriptive words (musician, student, human, alive) are what the Ego identifies with in order to create an identity which is "mine." But on further examination, aren't these words just an abstract invention of the mind? The physical body which we would refer to as a "guitar" doesn't have anything to do with the word 'guitar.' The word and the object are somewhat unrelated. The word 'guitar' is created by the human mind as an abstract concept to identify the physical body of the "guitar". I recently fished out the very first document I wrote regarding my first enlightenment experience. The concepts described in this document appear to be largely Ego-based and very naive. It even featured the words "Don't spend precious time contemplating existence because it will be gone quicker than you know it. Focus on your life, your ambition and your dreams while you still can." It completely goes against the practice of enlightenment, but I had to start somewhere. Like every other person alive, that place is from a battle with the Ego. But in that document, I tapped into something important about identity those years ago: "names and identities originate from the mind and are imaginary despite their usefulness." What I was on the verge of discovering was the no-self. Admittedly, I never understood the depth of the insight way back then but I knew that it was certainly worth studying further. Hence, here I am now! Now, who is being sceptical every time the word "I" comes up on the page? I know you're out there! The truth of the matter is that we can't just eliminate words like "I" and "me" from our vocabulary every day. If I tried to write this whole journal about my journey through life without using these words, you must appreciate that it would make very little sense. The words themselves are not the issue. Identification with the words is the issue. As I write these words, I must remain aware that I am not my words, or my thoughts, or my body. Although it is practical in communication with others, it does not contain an identity. When you start to sever your identification with things, you can open yourself up to being more present and more aware of your direct experience. You can also notice when other people are highly identified with different forms in their life. Whenever I'm having a conversation with my flatmate, 90% of the content that he presents is about himself. "I'm feeling tired today. I've got a cold coming on. This happened to me yesterday. Guess what I watched last night? I can't be arsed to go to my lectures today." As ironic as it sounds on my personal journal, I seem to have lost the desire to talk about myself in front of others. Most of my input generally involves asking questions and making statements about things that aren't personal. There are only a few occurrences where I've felt it necessary to speak personally in front of others. But most of the time, I would rather just remain silent and absorb what happens in the present moment. Anyway, that was a nice big tangent! The main point is to not become grounded in your definitions of yourself. If your life purpose looks very specific like "I want to become a rock star," then perhaps you are defining yourself too rigidly. That was my life purpose as a teenager, obviously. But now my life purpose has become "to serve as a living example of what is possible." That could mean anything. Whether it be musical mastery, fitness, health, relationships, money, or enlightenment, this life purpose has been constructed to accommodate abundance and personal growth. When you start living to a life purpose as broad as this, you will no longer be bothered about defining yourself. Pick of the day: Don't find a job, find a mission | Celeste Headlee | TEDxAugusta

@Wednesday Thank you! You sum up boredom far neater than I could. In agreement with your statement regarding high-intensity distractions, no good will ever come of avoiding emotions by resorting to some form of low-effort recreational activities. I also feel empathy for people who are bored in their careers. On my way to lectures this morning, I saw a student handing out flyers with as much enthusiasm as a cabbage! It was obvious that he was hating every second of it, which made me feel pretty bad. If his job were to be given to somebody who was passionate about connecting with other students as well as the product he was advertising, you can guarantee that this person would be both more successful and more fulfilled with his work. It pays to know what you are passionate about in order to combat boredom.

Entry 62 | Combatting Boredom Theory: If you reach a point in the day where you are filled with boredom, perhaps it is because of your limited perspective on existence and lack of strategic thinking. Applying it: Spend your day making conscious decisions and being present in the now. Not only that, question your perspective on time and how you think it works. Be open-minded enough to accept that your current perspective may be flawed. Even though today has felt like any other, it provided me with an interesting observation. When my flatmates came down to the living room (which is just opposite my room), I heard them talking about how bored shitless they were. They had spent the day watching films online and have not left the house today. Need I explain why they could possibly be feeling a little bit bored? Also, I spoke to my mum on the phone who admitted that she was bored as well. She was having a "lazy day," which is fair enough. My mum is usually very active taking the dog for walks, cooking tea nearly every day, looking after Dad, and making house calls. Then the question popped into my head: "When was the last time I was bored shitless?" I pondered over this question for a few moments until it hit me: I can't remember when I last felt bored! Of course, there may be subtle traces of boredom in my life that I haven't picked up on. But even the smallest traces of boredom have disappeared in a fleeting moment. I can't remember being bored out of my mind for a whole day. Why is this? Although I've not studied boredom in great depth, all I can discuss is my previous experiences with the emotion from my distant past. Boredom essentially creates the illusion of a slowed-down time-scale that seems to drag painfully with each passing second. It feels hollow and empty as if there was no reason for being. It feels uninspiring, unmotivating, unpassionate, unrewarding. It leaves you feeling like a spare part in the universe. All I can say is that my daily actions and mindsets are doing a sufficient job at preventing boredom. It could be argued that boredom is the emotion that your psyche resorts to when you don't consciously replace it with a more productive emotion. On a daily basis, I feed my psyche with the emotions of passion, desire, determination, persistence, and courage. All of these emotions have allowed me to be both spectacularly productive and present. The closest I ever get to feeling boredom is probably in my morning meditation session. After around 40-45mins, my mind starts to become restless and starts questioning the time. The seeds of boredom begin to germinate. However, I am adamant that my focus should remain on the present moment and nothing else. I discipline myself to stay determined until the hour of meditation is complete. The first thing to realise when combatting boredom is that you are where time comes from. Gay Hendricks described this as "Einstein Time" in The Big Leap. Time is an invented concept of the human mind. It is not a fixed entity in the universe. You have the power to perceive time as flowing, rather than flying or dragging. Recognise the insight for yourself and keep reminding yourself of this ability. It's one that you would be sorry for neglecting. The second thing is to become passionate about self-actualization. This takes longer than just a simple realisation. Vaguely, the process involves discovering your life purpose, learning how to create success out of it, learning how to master your emotions, and IMPLEMENTING everything that you have learned to create an extraordinary life for yourself. If you can follow through on all of these points, you will have developed sufficient understanding to know that you have very little reason to feel bored at all. There's always something you can be creating in your life. After all that, the final thing to consider is to allow yourself to enjoy "being." This involves meditation, spiritual work, enlightenment, and so on. If you can reach a point in your life where you can feel deeply fulfilled from being in the present moment, then you will lose the neurosis of searching for external factors to determine your well-being. You can happily sit in a quiet room, alone, and do nothing without any need for entertainment, surface-level pleasure or significant change to happen. So "Why are my flatmates bored shitless today?" Because their perspective of reality doesn't facilitate these three pointers. They don't embody "Einstein Time," they are not passionate about self-actualization, and they don't allow themselves the option of simply being. I'm certainly no master at either of these things. However, I am passionate about developing mastery over them. It is this passion that converts my boredom into determination. It has allowed me to become super productive with minimal effort and become increasingly focused on the present moment. It seems boredom is more complex than meets the eye! But by simply being passionate about living an awesome life, it can be trumped for more constructive emotions. Pick of the day: Lord of the Dance - Strings of Fire