Liam Johnson

@JKG Of course, my website is www.liamjohnsonmusic.com

Entry 143 | Composing Music Theory: Music composition is a fusion between theoretical knowledge and imaginative ability. In essence, theory and practice. Applying it: Make sure you have sufficient capacity for both of these things in your mind. If one area lacks, cultivate it through whatever means that are necessary. So I've recently joined a promising website that allows you to become a tutor. And of course, I've gone the old guitar tutor route. But also, I'm offering myself up as a music coach. Hopefully that way, I'll be able to put some of my self-actualization knowledge to good use. But one of the things that I'm gonna need to learn how to explain is how to compose music. This is something that I've become so familiar with that it happens automatically. So now, I need to become aware of all of the factors that go into my compositions to be able to share it with others. So here we go! The first thing that you will need is good understanding of music theory. In particular, the music theory that associates with the genre of music that you want to compose. For example, it is common knowledge that pop songs consist of around 2-3 verses with choruses in between. They also feature simple chord progressions, memorable melodic lines, triadic harmonies, 4/4 time signature, etc. In comparison to jazz pieces, these can feature complex chord progressions, swung tempos, long improvised solos, etc. You need to be able to internalise these surface-level characteristics so that when someone says "what does jazz sound like?", you can describe or play it. Once you have a good understanding of music theory, the next thing you need is to be able to "hear" that kind of music internally. I use "hear" to emphasise what your mind hears, not your ear. So like I mentioned before, you need to be able to "hear" a standardised jazz song in your head. To start with, it might help to listen to lots of jazz pieces aurally. Then when you stop the music, you should be able to mentally reconstruct those sounds with your imagination. At this point, you begin to develop a relationship with the music because you understand it on an external level and you "hear" it on an internal level. What you then need to do is "listen" to the music in your mind (which only exists in your imagination) and then attempt to reproduce it in the external world. That is an extremely condensed version of how I end up composing music. But obviously, it's a subject that needs more words that can fit on a pamphlet. But that's the gist. If it doesn't make sense, appreciate that this is a vague overview of what happens, not a step-by-step formula. Pick of the day: (7:09)

Entry 142 | A New Day Theory: It can feel liberating to wake up every morning as if it were unconnected from the previous day. Applying it: After realizing that the past is nothing but a conceptualization in the present moment, accept that truth as you rise in the morning. I slept very well last night! The wonderful sense of accomplishment that arisen yesterday had a subtle effect on my mood as I slowly woke up this morning. But no matter what yesterday brought, there's a part of me that recognizes that it is nothing but a story. The anxieties, the tears, the ups, the downs, and everything else about yesterday only exist as a memory or a conceptualisation. They have no physical place in the present moment on an external level. Despite the detachment from yesterday, that doesn't suddenly make me feel depressed or relieved. It just is what it is. There's no point pretending that what happened yesterday is of major importance of what is right now. Also, that doesn't mean that I've just eliminated it from my mind. The memory of it all is still welcomed but it is not mistaken for an absolute truth. As a result, it brings with it the peace and calm of a sweet bedtime story. The memory of that day will have great personal significance, however. That day marked the end of my journey as a simple university student and marked the beginning of a thriving career as a professional musician. Suddenly, I feel like I know what the future holds for me. There is no uncertainty anymore. My life purpose is more definite now than ever before. I can do this. Not only that, I'm going to do this no matter what. Pick of the day:

Entry 141 | Day of Celebration and Commemoration In a word: overwhelm. I'm debating about how long I should make this journal entry because there is so much to talk about. So much to uncover that isn't necessarily about the recital itself. Okay, seeing as this is a very important day on a personal level, I'm gonna break the mold and just describe it as much as possible. The overall feeling about the recital is that it went pretty damn well. But there is a Yang to this Yin. My mum broke the news after the recital that my uncle had passed away this morning. Perhaps I'm going through some sort of emotional overwhelm at the moment, blending a mix of euphoria with sorrow to create a warm feeling of aliveness in my core. First of all, I got some pretty limited sleep last night due to the excitement and anticipation for the recital! Even when I did sleep, I was dreaming concert dreams where I was waiting in the wings about to go on and perform. Through the whole morning and afternoon leading up to my recital, I tried my best to remain present and accepting of my emotions which didn't seem to weaken at all. I was on edge all day but in a twisted, pleasurable way. The moment arrived. I set up everything on stage, sorted the lighting out, quickly sound-checked, and took one final deep breath before walking on stage to perform my third-year recital. Honestly, I have never felt so alive going on stage before. If it wasn't for all the disciplined mindfulness work I've been doing for the last half a year (wow), then I would have been plagued with anxiety. Fortunately, I managed to concoct a blend of anxiety and excitement which eventually came out in my performance. As I played through my first piece, I was more on the nervous side. But as I smashed through each piece with very marginal mistakes, my feelings of confidence grew in heaps and bounds. Around three songs in, I reached a level of peak performance which felt godly. This isn't to big up an ego or anything but when you can transcend the human mind and body and completely connect with the music, there is no other word to describe that feeling apart from godly. As the last song in my set (Somewhere Over The Rainbow arranged by Tommy Emmanuel) came to a conclusion, I managed to maintain silence in the room for a good 20-30 seconds before cueing the audience to begin their applause. That was the most magical feeling of the performance. I took my final bow and went backstage where I slowly began to absorb what had just happened. I still feel like that now! A few music friends met me backstage with their compliments, which I try not to attach to. It's lovely that they felt the way they did and felt compelled to say the things they did, but I don't get any pride from that. If anything, the pride comes from myself in the knowledge that I gave it my all. And that was exactly what I did. As I packed away, my mum broke the news about my uncle passing away earlier this morning. Admittedly, I've found that hard to process what with the ecstacy and relief of having made it through the recital. But at the same time, I've been making peace with the fact that he has been dying for months now and has been suffering with cancer for around 3 years. I knew it would be a matter of time before he passed on. So in that sense, I feel pretty grounded about it. Of course, it's heartbreaking for my cousins and the rest of my family and I will hopefully be able to share their grief in person when the funeral comes around. After packing away and chatting a bit more with my music friends, I met my parents and gran in the cafe downstairs from the performance hall. They started giving me compliments and my mum told me what one of my friends had told her about my performance. At that point, I started crying tears of joy (for the recital) and also sadness (for my uncle). Honestly, I never thought it would be possible to house so many emotions in one being. But that moment hit me right in the feels. That overwhelm of emotions has remained from that moment to this. There's nothing more I can add. This has been such a special day in terms of feeling alive. Maybe even so far as blessed. Eight months of sheer determination later, here I am. On the other side of my visualization. And fucking hell, it was beautiful. Man I'm gonna sleep good tonight! Pick of the day:

Entry 140 | Reflection Fuck me, this is wonderful stuff. My final-year recital is TOMORROW! I did consider missing today's journal entry so that the reflection post would be written after the performance. But it seemed logical to have a 'before and after' journal entry. So this constitutes "before." As much as I've been making a big deal about it, there's a strange part of me that knows that this is nothing particularly special about this recital. I'd say I feel more grounded in the present moment, which doesn't feature any kind of recital at the moment. However, when the recital eventually does fall into the present moment, then I will consider it as special as it is. I feel so glad to have worked my butt off with these pieces. To be honest, it's not about the grade anymore. What matters most to me is that eight months ago, I decided to perform a list of pieces that I considered to be of legendary difficulty. And now, I have reached a point whereby I can perform these pieces to an audience. My goal has been fulfilled. And as a result, I've got to be around 10x a better player now than I was back then. Not even technically, but more knowing that I genuinely can perform any piece of music I want to. There is no piece too difficult to me anymore. And that's fantastic! As far as my anxiety levels go, I think I'm gonna be very calm and composed. Thanks to 4 gigs in a row this week, any anxieties have been flushed out of my system. Of course, there will always be some but it will never get in the way of my performing as it has been known to in the past. I'm so fucking excited for this! Even in the rehearsal today, I had a whole hour to get used to the stage, the PA system, and even to perform my set from start to (almost) finish before a string snapped. But the whole vibe that I got from the room was that of confidence and reassurance that I have nothing to worry about. Even my guitar teacher came down and told me exactly the same thing. I feel so joyful right now! My aim is to carry on that positive energy into the recital because that's the most important thing with performing anything. Some people might say that the most important thing is that you play the correct notes. But that's just one end of the spectrum. You have to find the balance between playing the right notes and playing with emotion or soul. It's this quality that carries through the most. I'm eagerly anticipating this recital because deep down, I know that it's going to be the kickstart to my life purpose as a performing musician. I don't care what mark I get. It can be as low or as high as it wants to be. My focus is on the bigger picture. The force inside me that has remained a constant since my early teenage years: the desire to become a rockstar Wish me luck! Pick of the day:

Hmmm... Is it possible to find the truth in any and every statement?

Entry 139 | Gossip Theory: If there was ever a certified method of losing your friends, it would be developing the habit of gossip. Applying it: Remember the old adage - "If you have something bad to say about someone, don't say it at all." One of the things I do my best to avoid is gossiping about other people. The only times I feel it necessary to talk about other people is when I'm coming from a place of love. For example, I'll happily talk about the goodness of the people I come into contact with no constraint. Or maybe I'll talk about my worries regarding my flatmates struggling to get a house. This latter example is true and this journal entry will focus on them. After observing my flatmates gossiping over half a year now, I feel like I have witnessed the negative effects of their behaviors and how it has destructed their relationships with each other and also myself. They have been gossiping (or more accurately, bitching) behind each other's backs for around 8 months now and they appear to be arguing with each other directly now. They are only just becoming aware of the deteriorating relationships with each other but, in reality, they have been deteriorating ever since they began the bitching. I don't mean to condemn them here. In fact, I've tried on multiple occasions to suggest to them that it would be better to speak directly to each other, rather than behind their backs. But there's only so many hints you can give. Instead, I've watched them slowly disintegrate their relationship with each other and I regret to say that it has impacted me too. The negative effects of gossip, as well as the reason why my relationship with them is also deteriorating, can be summarized in the answer to one question: "If they always talk about each other behind their backs, then what are the chances that they are doing the same with me?" Nobody wants to be friends with someone who is two-faced. And as much as they have tried to tell me that they have never said a bad word about me, I can't find the will-power to accept that as the truth. But I'm fine with whatever the situation is. I just wanted to document the negative impacts of gossip on relationships. If ever negative thoughts appear in relation to others, it's best to not act upon them by verbalizing them. Just let them be, see through the bullshit, and move on. Pick of the day:

Entry 138 | Time To Catch Up! So it's been a few days since my last entry, making it the biggest gap between entries so far. Things have been super busy but also super exciting. 4 back-to-back gigs and an exam out of the way. Now my main focus is the recital on Monday. Turns out that I've been working up to this recital for 8 whole months. That feels incredible! I can't believe it's been such a long time. I've been doing a lot of prep for this recital and lots of practice. What I'm aiming to do more of now is more visualizations of the recital in the next few days, along with some thought conditioning. I feel incredibly grateful to have put in the hard work beforehand. This journey has completely changed my outlook on life. If someone told me eight months ago that I would be performing some of the most challenging guitar pieces imaginable for my recital, I wouldn't have fully believed it. However, I maintained the faith that I could do anything that I put my mind towards. Now I am living proof of that philosophy. I actually can perform these pieces, and it's actually happening. That crazy visualization that I did at the start of my recital prep, which showed me what I would be capable of performing, has become a reality. On another note, I experienced several short bursts of enlightenment. It's reassuring that more and more frequently, the realization of the present moment in its entirety has appeared to me. It's almost like a rebirth. Who you thought you once was suddenly becomes wiped away in light of the present moment. It also feels like I'm becoming even more open-minded as I gradually become uncertain about what is true in this existence. Despite how hectic the last few days have been, I'm in a pretty wonderful place right now. I don't feel stressed particularly and after a good long sleep last night, I don't feel exhausted. Just gotta keep doing what I do and maybe kick some ass at this recital! Pick of the day:

Currently going through a busy patch of gigs, exams, and guitar practice! Some interesting things have been happening regarding self-actualising in terms of paradigm shifts and larger-than-life visualisations. Can't wait to document them in more detail either tomorrow or the weekend. I've been eagerly wanting to write in this journal but this week is crunch week. It's all very exciting!

Entry 137 | Repeated Exposure Theory: The more often you are exposed to a certain situation or activity, you will naturally become better at being in that situation. Applying it: Don't be put off by situations that you are uncomfortable with. Instead, seek those opportunities out and be aware of how your mind and body react in that scenario. Sometimes, I feel like I've said everything that I want to say about a particular teaching or topic. This entry will therefore be short and sweet. However, it's nice to remind myself of these lessons as I go through life because there will definitely be times where I've forgotten certain lessons. This one is related to the recital that is ONE WEEK AWAY! AARGH! Exciting times! In preparation for the recital, I've got 4 gigs lined up this week. One of which I performed today. The theory is that with lots of exposure to public performance the week leading up to the final recital, I will have improved on and overcome any anxieties that might get in my way. I've found this tactic to be the most useful in regards to dealing with anxiety. Even my social anxiety from first-year couldn't compete with my determination to be social and outgoing. In a sense, that accounts for all habits with no distinction between good or bad. For example, a really bad habit that I have is to continuously aggravate my acne. I've actually bought a nutrition book which I'm hoping will reduce my acne levels drastically. But even then, reading the book and eating the food won't stop me from picking my face. Quite simply because it's a negative habit that I've acquired from my teenage years. I've got good at it! It's extremely easy to understand but sometimes easy to forget. The surest way to get good at something is to keep exposing yourself to the action or behavior. The only way to become comfortable in certain situations is to put yourself in those situations and see things through until the end. Pick of the day: (Guy in the middle. That's all I'm saying.)

Entry 136 | Knowing When To Stop Theory: You can't work on your goals for the whole day. It's important to recognize when your body and mind are too tired to function correctly. Applying it: Even though it's important to work on your goals, have the awareness to know when it's time to rest. There should be no hurry to finish your goals. Yesterday, I had a mild worry whilst playing guitar. The normal speed that I could move my fingers seemed to be dramatically reduced. At first, I thought it might have been a result of the cold outside when I went to get my hair cut. But then it dawned on me that I had been playing intensely for a few hours. My regular perception of time gets thrown out of the window, which is ironic as time plays a huge part in performing music. The insight became quite obvious to me. As much as I really wanted to carry on playing (perhaps due to some unconscious stresses about the looming recital), it was vital that I hung up the guitar for the day. I've heard plenty of stories about guitarists who have lost their ability to play completely due to things like arthritis. But when I picked up the guitar today, I was thankful to discover that my speed was back on form. It was worth stopping the day before. For me, music is such a great metaphor for life in general. It challenges both body and mind to produce something beautiful. Not necessarily because the world needs it. But simply because it feels right. Just like an athlete would stop training once they become too fatigued to continue, the musician must stop practicing when the body can't take it anymore. Rest is just as important as work. Yin to the Yang. Pick of the day:

Entry 135 | Feeling The Fear Theory: It's no good pretending that you're afraid when you truly are. Applying it: Be accepting of the fear that you feel. Own it. Maybe then you will have the power to release it. Right. I'm pretty frightened about the future. Not to the point of sheer terror but it's sizzling away in the background. I have never really known a life outside of the formal education system. And the way the world paints it, things don't exactly seem easy going. It might even be that I will have to dedicate my entire life to my goals with potentially not very much rewards coming from it. For instance, I've had a desire to go out and busk in many cities in the UK. My plan would be to get the right busking equipment, travel around in my car, sleep in it, and eat the most basic foods to keep myself alive. It sounds like such a terrifying prospect considering that I could get robbed, kidnapped, or murdered on my travels. It's weird though. I still sense an extreme sense of peace underneath it all. It's like a sub-emotion to compliment the fear. And I feel like the peace is more reassuring to listen to than the fear. Sure, those bad things are a possibility. But they have been every other day of my life. What's the use in fretting over it now? Something tells me that if I go out and busk my music in enough cities, not only will something good come out of it inevitably, but I will have traveled a bit and completed my goals. In doing so, I will have kept my promise to myself to never give up. It's so easy to tell yourself to do the more radical thing and follow your intuition. Because let's face it. It would be far easier to get a job in my Zone of Competence or Excellence which is extremely comfortable than it would be to pursue a life in my Zone of Genius. Actually, that is comforting in itself. Knowing that it's a radical move lessens the fear a little. For now, I've got to keep focused on what's currently going on. Exams! But even just spending five minutes venting my fears into this journal entry has connected me with that feeling of inner peace that is deeply rooted in my being. Acceptance is all fear needs to transform into something else. Pick of the day:

Entry 134 | Outside The Box Theory: It isn't difficult to think outside the box. The only 'difficult' part is transforming the ideas into reality. Applying it: If you receive an outlandish idea, instead of looking for the various ways in which it won't work, focus all your efforts on making it work no matter what. Today, my mate and I went to the Peak District outside of Sheffield to do a video shoot for my guitar stuff. We came up with the idea a few days ago and planned everything out properly to make sure that the weather was beautiful. And it was... despite the wind! But fortunately, my mate was prepared enough to combat it. Whilst the wind can severely degrade the quality of a microphones clarity, a direct signal going from my guitar to the recorder worked the job. It was a wonderful day out, and I'm eager to see the finished project. The whole idea of doing a video shoot in the wilderness is a very adventurous idea. We had to carry up lots of recording equipment and my guitar up rocky hills against the ferocious winds. Also, the altitude meant that it was still very cold despite the sunny weather. They were definitely not ideal performing conditions. Nevertheless, we were both as determined as each other to make it work, and so far, so good. It goes to show that whacky ideas can be the most fun and the most rewarding. If it were just another studio video, it would become kinda boring and samey. I'm also hoping that I will be able to continue my efforts in regards to electronic programming and live manipulation. It's another one of those ideas that is out of the norm, especially in relation to acoustic/electric guitar music. My current belief is that it is these kinds of endeavors that other people pick up on and hold in high regard. Time will tell whether this will be true or not. Pick of the day:

Entry 133 | Disidentification Theory: You can reach a deep state of peace and high levels of awareness through disidentification with the mind and body. Applying it: Try doing a repetitive task for extended periods of time until the mind and body become separated from consciousness. This might sound very vague. That'll be because it's a musician's way of doing things. Today, I found myself on numerous occasions disidentifying with the mind and body. This took place whenever I repeated musical phrases on the guitar for extended periods of time. In the practice room, I decided to play over the hardest guitar licks over 100 times each. In that time, a strange sense of awareness occurs. The realization that you are not in control of your mind and body is exaggerated. Later in the day, I performed with the Indian music ensemble and for my mate's Indian recital stuff. North Indian music is very repetitive as it revolves around beat cycles. As a participant of that kind of music, the same realization of control becomes apparent very quickly. It's almost as if there is some mystical force that plays the music through your fingers without your control. One of the most amazing experiences of today was when I repeated a very simple melodic idea over and over again for around 45mins straight whilst my mate and his tabla teacher worked out rhythms over the top. After a while, I became so disidentified with the body and mind that I found my fingers just playing the notes constantly without faltering and seemingly without any effort. It was one of the most wonderful experiences I've ever felt as a musician. The ultimate lesson that has come from these experiences is that you are not in control of the body or mind. Something much deeper than you controls them. Pick of the day:

Entry 132 | Making It To The Top Theory: Once you've elevated to the top, the best thing you can do is to send the elevator down for someone else. Applying it: Whenever you have reached a certain goal or acquired a particular insight, the most beneficial thing you can do is to pass on knowledge and other opportunities to others who would benefit from them. I've heard someone use the analogy of an elevator before to describe this, but I can't remember who it was. If you happen to recognize it from somewhere, feel free to let me know! My guitar teachers have been great examples of this. They have been happy to pass on performing opportunities to me which have benefited me loads. Some of those opportunities include joining forces with an endorsed metal band, doing video shoots, performing at one of Sheffield's biggest theatres, and, most recently, teamed me up with a paid function band. Not only does it make me feel grateful for their actions in giving me these opportunities, but more importantly, it makes me feel special. It makes me believe that I CAN achieve great things and that I DESERVE to achieve them. Not in an arrogant, ego-centric way, but in a reassuring, comforting way. The reason they can do that in the first place is because they have gained a great reputation and can almost pick and choose opportunities that take their fancy. Whereas I'm still relatively new in the professional music circles. At my current level, I have to take every opportunity I can get before they can lead onto bigger things. It might be worth devoting an entry to the process through which I end up getting gigs. Although I actively seek out gigs here and there, often it is the case that a gig will fall into my lap based on gigs I've done in the past. In terms of my ultimate career goals, I would love to be able to reach the top, as it were, like my guitar teachers. I would love to be the one to pass opportunities to others and watch how they grow. It must be a very fulfilling process to go through. Because let's face it, once you've reached the top, where else can you go? (This is rhetorical, as I understand 'the top' is incredibly vague!) When you're getting so many gigs that you can't handle them, how cool must it then be to pass on those opportunities to others who would benefit most from them? First of all though, better get to the top! Pick of the day: (Just a bit of back-story on this guy, who I love very much! Michael Hedges is considered by many acoustic guitarists to be the most innovative and imaginative guitarists to have ever lived. He died in 1997 in a car accident, and so the only medium I know of this guy is through YouTube. The above video was filmed around 1980 when Michael was largely unknown. These videos hold a special place in my heart because they depict a seemingly shy guy with a passion for performing. It provides a huge contrast to the man whom he evolved into over the coming years. It gives me inspiration that I may be able to come out of my shell even more and do similar, even though I've done that drastically already. I know I keep posting videos of this guy but I can't help myself. I have so much love for him. In the top video, he is treated by everyone apart from the cameraman as nobody that special. But then if I include a video from his later years, everything changed. He will always be one of my biggest inspirations as a musician.)

Entry 131 | Impulse Vs Desire Theory: The difference between impulse and desire is the longevity. Whilst impulses are fleeting, desires can be deep and long-lasting. Applying it: If you are unsure whether you are receiving an impulse or desire, wait a week or two. If it remains just as strong, it will probably be a deep desire. This is something that I remember hearing Eckhart Tolle talking about on a YouTube video. It's safe to say that I've experienced a share of impulses and desires over the last few months especially. What I want to talk about specifically is in relation to life purpose. It's been a few weeks now since I developed a deep passion for music programming. The compositional possibilities seem endless. The desire to experiment with this has remained just as strong as it did several weeks ago. Thereby, it implies that it is not just a fleeting impulse. This is something I've got to explore. Along with this, it seems that I've developed an impulse/desire to buy a MacBook Pro. As I've observed several people in my field of work, this Mac seems to be favored by many techies and musicians because of its functionality within music production. Right now, it feels necessary that I buy one of these to last me throughout my career (hopefully). But I can't quite say whether it's an impulse or deep desire. If I feel just as strong about it by June, the purchase will have to be done. The reason why choosing to act on impulse can be damaging when it is done from a place of unconsciousness. For instance, the impulse to eat some chocolate in order to feel better seems backward to the conscious mind. But to the unconscious mind, what does it matter? The chocolate will be eaten, a temporary high will come out of it, but it will immediately be followed by a come-down because chocolate cannot provide long-lasting happiness. But this is only a relatively small decision. When it comes to making a career investment, buying a new home, marriage, having children, and other seemingly big decisions, there is more emphasis on making the 'right' decision. To do this, one must approach the decision with as much consciousness and understanding as possible. This means envisioning what will happen as a result of one decision over another. Long-term strategizing. This distinction between impulse and desire could be the guiding light to every decision that needs to be made. Phwoar. Pick of the day:

Entry 130 | Reflection What a rollercoaster 10 days it's been. So many ups and downs. The time since the last reflection post seems like an eternity ago. Starting with my music, things are looking really promising. I was so proud of myself for releasing the music videos a few days ago. It's such a wonderful feeling to see a project through to completion. Most of all when it was created on your own initiative. Not only that, but I've got so many other things lined up in the near future. Along with the big recital in a few weeks, I've been recording more tunes, booking more gigs, and preparing for more video shoots. My mate wants me to do a performance video out in the Peak District, which will be highly inspiring! As far as university work is concerned, I'm not at all concerned. Everything is within my reach and, although a little less structured than last semester, my stress levels are pretty absent. The best thing about doing a Music degree is that you can choose to do practically all performance-related examinations if you want to. And I wanted to! As a result, I feel confident that I will deliver the goods. Then there was something I went through yesterday. It was a realization of just how trivial life can be, exemplified by my flatmates. It felt quite unnerving. It was also blended with a deep desire to talk deep with someone. Since I've been going along this self-actualization journey, there has been a lot of unwiring of old beliefs and entertaining new ones. But I haven't found anyone yet who I can openly talk to them about. I really would like to physically talk to someone who 'gets it' without thinking it weird. Whenever I've tried to talk about these things before, it was always followed up with some variety of close-mindedness. Perhaps the need for an intimate, lifelong relationship is surfacing? Even with the ups and downs, I feel more grounded and secure in myself than I have ever done before. If I end up feeling down, I can depend on myself to feel better. If I have a goal, I can depend on myself to achieve it. Zero fucks are given in regard to my 'self-image.' I'm more than happy to express my authentic self. And that is saying something. Pick of the day:

Entry 129 | Do What You Love Theory: Whenever life gets you down, don't frown. Just do what you love! Applying it: Self-explanatory. This is a real quick entry to make up for missing a day yesterday. To sum up, I've been feeling kinda hit and miss recently. Suddenly, I've been hit with just how trivial modern life has become. My flatmates serve as a clear example to me. The tiniest little things in life are exaggerated and dramatized by them on a daily basis. It made me think: "Is this all life is gonna have to offer?" Not necessarily for me, but for them. But then I thought it would be useless to carry on picking faults out in them. I knew that the problem was created by me and has everything to do with me. Then I remembered that over the last day or so, I had being doing a lot less of the things which I loved doing. E.g., playing guitar, making music, hitting the gym, programming, and all of that stuff. I went swimming today with one of my flatmates. The shallowness of the conversation he was providing really got me down. But as soon as we shut up and hit the water, I was in my element, so to speak. I became much more energetic and enjoyed the whole process of swimming. I manage to swim underwater across almost the entire length of the pool (around 25m), which made me so happy! That was the best I'd ever managed. All because I was so present that I had developed my breathing technique substantially. If you are fortunate enough to know the things that you love the most, don't pass that up. Do it! If the thing you love will also provide nothing but good in return (a bad example being watching hours upon hours of TV), all the more reason to keep doing it. Pick of the day:

@West Thank you very much!

Entry 128 | Zero Fucks Given Theory: The fear of criticism can prevent you from sharing your work with the world. Don't be consumed by it. Applying it: Even if you have niggling fears in the back of your mind about completing a project, just complete it anyway. Don't give a shit about what others think about you. Honourable shoutout to @Zane for introducing the "Zero Fucks Given" method! Today, my music videos arrived ready to publish on YouTube. There were several voices in my head regarding the criticism I may face with these videos. Largely because I have never released music videos incorporating singing as a feature. What will people say? Will they like my voice? Will they hate it? Will they pretend to like it? Will they ignore it? But when I looked back at everything that I had done to create these videos, there was no way that I could NOT share them. So that's exactly what I did. The voices of criticism in my mind will just have to lump it. To be honest, those voices are an essential part of a musician's creative process. Sure, music can be created out of sheer nothingness. But without the important critical voices, those ideas would never evolve into something magical. However, when those voices simply can't shut up and let me enjoy the moment, the need to rise above them presents itself. So with zero fucks given, I will now shamelessly share my music videos with you. Not because I want to be liked, nor do I want anything else in return. It's simply just what I have to do to serve something bigger than myself: the creative Muse. Pick of the day:

This sums up how I feel on a regular basis too. Death itself is less scary than the suffering that could come beforehand. I'm sure with some extreme consciousness work, we may be able to embrace this possibility rather than resist it. Dreams are fascinating. The most wonderful part is when you can identify what it is your subconscious mind is trying to tell you through the dreams. This idea came to me not long ago. It's important not to pass off dreams as being 'weird' or 'uncomfortable' and forget about them. They're highly significant to your current life position. Haha sometimes the bad dreams are the best. Just think of the relief you get the following morning!

Entry 127 | More on Death I don't know specifically what I want to write in this entry, so I'm just going to type as I think. Death has been on my mind recently. What with my uncle being on the verge of death now after months of coping with cancer and everything. But also, I had a dream in the last few nights about death. At some point, it occurred to me that I had never witnessed anyone die right before my eyes. This caused my subconscious mind to simulate that event in the form of a dream. It was night, and I was stood at a crossing with around 20 people. As we waited for the traffic lights to change, one guy stepped out in the middle of the road in front of the oncoming traffic. It was obvious that he was hoping to commit suicide. In the shock of the situation, I looked away at the instant the car ran over the guy. I slowly looked back to see the man lying on the floor with blood gushing out of his severed leg. He wasn't dead. But he wasn't far off. He leant forward as if to grab his leg in pain but, of course, it was missing. Something suggested that he was regretting the idea. Then earlier today, I envisioned another suicide scenario happening on my way to university. I imagined the guy jumping off one of the university buildings with the cry "OH MY GOD." Again, it suggested that he regretted the decision completely. But his fate was unavoidable as he splattered on the tarmac. Thankfully, these were imaginary scenarios. But why now? It's not like I'm actively looking to commit suicide nor do I wish to see it happen to someone. Nevertheless, it got me thinking about death. It hit me in the Indian music ensemble that one day, I will die. One day, I will return to the nothingness of death. And somehow, I don't feel scared about that. Given that the next few years will prove to be the most challenging for me, this is something that I must keep in mind. Nothingness is whole and complete as it is. There needn't be life at all. The fact that it exists for the meantime is just a blessing. The pursuing of goals for materialist benefits seems shallow and unnecessary now. Once upon a time, I just wanted to be a famed guitar player. Now, I just want to make the most of what I am now. The process seems more important than the end result. Now is better than then. All I can do is enjoy the moment for what it is. Any goals that I pursue will come from that place of love and joy for being in the now. They won't become my life. They will just form a part of it. Because if there's any goal that's worth pursuing, it is to love life to the full. Pick of the day:

@West Heard that guy's name a few times. He sounds pretty interesting in that respect. Like you say, he must have done a heck of a lot of consciousness work to become so resilient to and accepting of the pain. I've not yet been experienced to physical pain of that nature. Although, my karate background may have made me more able to withstand the pain later on. It's hard to say. Meditation will certainly lessen the suffering, maybe to the point of nothingness one day.

Entry 126 | Physical Pain Theory: Suffering comes from the resistance to physical pain rather than directly from the pain itself. Applying it: Whenever you injure yourself, be accepting of what the present moment has become and embrace your injured self. Didn't exactly feel like writing yesterday. I made the effort to sit in front of this screen and wait for inspiration to strike, but it just so happened that nothing new seemed to appear. Which is fine! This morning, I injured my arm coming down the stairs. It took away a fair amount of skin and has left some pretty large bruising on it. But there's a part of me that likes the rugged, 'tough guy' look. It matches the many other cuts and scars on my hands and arms that I've received over time. My guitar is also rough around the edges with scratches and dents all over it. Part of me loves the 'wear and tear' aesthetic, which explains a lot. It definitely explains how little I suffer from cuts, bruises and scars. But also, I'm extremely grateful to have fully functioning muscles, non-broken bones, and a healthy body. A few cuts and bruises really aren't that groundbreaking. The same can be said for temporary aches and pains. It's because of this outlook that I've never really suffered from physical pain in a long time. I never really considered that this could be quite an achievement. But when you observe others who are constantly complaining about their aches and pains, it just makes you even more appreciative of your healthy body and healthy mindset. Of course, old age will inevitably play a part in the growing number of aches and pains. But I sincerely hope that I can remain as present and self-accepting when I'm 80 as I can now. What's clear is that suffering comes from a resistance-based mindset. And given that I'll embrace anything rough and ready, I ain't suffering! Pick of the day:

Entry 125 | What's So Funny? Theory: People generally ask the question "What's so funny?" because they want to feel the same emotions as the one doing the laughing. Applying it: Contemplate why people say what they do with the intent of understanding what they are trying to get out of you. This hit me last night in bed. I couldn't get to sleep easily because I was in a state of euphoria over life. It felt so good that it caused me to laugh to myself. What made me laugh even more was the fact that people will almost always ask you "what's so funny?" whenever they hear you laughing out of context. The insight into why they do this came to me last night and it seems pretty conclusive: because they want their share of positive emotions. They want a reason from you so that they can participate in the laughter too. This is interesting because it highlights the unawareness of one of the most foundational truths about emotions: they come from within. There is no external circumstance that can create emotion because emotion seems to create itself based upon thoughts and beliefs. It's an inner game. That's why it puzzles people whenever they catch me laughing to myself when nothing apparent seems to be funny. It's interesting to look at people's behaviors and responses with a bigger picture in mind. This is only one innocent example. On a side note, I've found this skill to make it obvious to myself how other people are using me, and I am using them. This is something that I would like to change in myself. People aren't to be treated like tools. But as far as observation and contemplation is concerned, they can certainly prove to be an excellent source of study. Pick of the day: