Liam Johnson

Entry 168 | The Big 5 Personality Test Theory: Sometimes, you need an external determinant to tell you what you're personality is like because it can be tricky to decipher it yourself. Applying it: Visit the website that is linked in Leo's new video: https://www.truity.com/test/300-quest... Missed a journal yesterday, woo! I was in fact lost in the world of music technology and time flew by too quickly for me to write an entry. But that's just part of my personality. (I hope you appreciate that beautiful segue) So I reached around the 25-minute mark in Leo's video where he mentions a personality test. And so I thought I'd give it a go. It consists of 300 questions asking you about your current beliefs and abilities in everyday life. 300 questions is a lot to get through but you can't argue that it isn't thorough and can't give a pretty accurate analysis of your personality. Once I completed the test as honestly as possible, the results came back and I couldn't believe it: they were all great! A quick breakdown: Cognitive style - Intellectual Organisational style - Balanced Energy style - Ambiverted Stress management style - Resilient Interpersonal style - Collaborative The wonderful thing about external feedback is that if it comes from a non-biased, non-egocentric place, it can present to you information about yourself or your belief systems that are obvious to everybody except yourself. There's a part of me that is genuinely surprised that nothing on the report list seemed like it needed work on. On the other hand, with the amount of self-actualisation I've been doing (not huge but more than the "average person"), no wonder that it's worked out that way. To score "low" on all of the neurotic traits shows just how far I've come in the last few years. It turns out that the website also features a ton of other tests: some paid, some free. I'd recommend it to anyone who hasn't done it already, but if you're an Actualized.org junkie just like me, then you won't need telling twice! Pick of the day:

Entry 167 | Transmuting The Idea Theory: No matter how wonderful you think your ideas are, they still need to be translated from the imagination to the real world. And more often than not, it will prove to be a bumpy transition that requires focus, commitment and passion. Applying it: As you go about trying to implement your ideas, focus on anything that is going to keep you motivated. This could be the long-term effects, a visualisation, the money, the service that you can provide others with, etc. So as I'm currently working out this financial idea, it's been clear that a lot of preparation and organisation is going to be necessary to lift it off the ground. My plan is to use Patreon to start making sessions that blend live performance with radio requests. It's a very ambitious project that is going to test my ability as a performer to the max. But before I can even lay a finger on my guitar to perform, there's so many other aspects to consider. Finances, resources, co-founders, part-time employees, promotion, you name it. But I guess this is what the life of an entrepreneur is going to be like. As I mentioned in a previous post, there's not a lot to lose from my side. It's not necessarily a gamble in terms of personal and financial security. In all respects, it's just a fun project which might have the potential to provide good service for others and (maybe) good money in return. The initial idea that I started with has changed dramatically over the last few days, although the fundamental purpose of it has remained the same. So many questions have been asked. How am I going to record these sessions? What if nobody wants to pay money to this project? How am I going to set up the reward scheme? What if nobody likes what I'm doing? How could I involve other musicians in these sessions? How should I pay them if they join in? So many questions. Some of them constructive and some of them destructive. The best thing to do is obviously to focus on the constructive ones. After all, for people who like watching me perform and like listening to music in general, this will prove to be a great service to them. All I can do is just maintain persistence in the ways listed above, which isn't too difficult for the time being. Pick of the day:

Entry 166 | Invest Today For A Better Tomorrow Theory: If you are certain that making a costly investment will be worth it in the future, don't be afraid to splash out on it. Applying it: Make loan-free investments that will improve your success in the future at all costs. Today, the new MacBook Pro arrived at my doorstep! My schedule for the day has bee thrown out completely to suck up to this powerful machine. The last laptop that I worked with was from around 8-9 years ago, meaning that it was very slow and quite literally ready to pack in altogether. It's been a huge technological leap for me and I'm loving every minute of it. The fans are actually silent! They're not sounding like they're about to take off! And also, web pages are taking seconds to load, not minutes. For those interested, I made the most of my student discount to purchase the 2015 MacBook Pro with upgraded processing speed, more storage, and 5 great apps under the "educational bundle." The main reason why I opted for this machine was to help pursue my career as a musician. With this laptop, I can record studio-quality audio, edit videos, set up live electronics, and do just about anything ridiculously smoothly. Whilst using the Wix website editor on my old laptop, it took forever (quite honestly) to load up something simple like a blog post. Now, I can do it in seconds. This thing is a beast. Especially when it comes to this new project of mine, I feel like it's going to save my life. The best part is that it's ridiculously powerful AND portable. That means I can take this thing on my travels along with some recording kit and I could record stuff on the go. The hope is that this machine will be able to last me 10+ years. I'm sorry if my ability to concentrate on writing a noteworthy entry is limited today; times are too exciting! Pick of the day:

Entry 165 | Time To Become An Entrepreneur Theory: When you receive a great idea that aligns with your life purpose, your highest values, AND serves the world in a meaningful way, you've got to at least go for it! Applying it: Start work as quickly and as tirelessly as possible to fulfill your goals and see them through to the end. Earlier today, I set aside some time after a meditation session to contemplate the question "how can I serve the world?" This question was followed up by questions such as "what problem do I want to solve in the world?" and "What is the most meaningful way that I can fulfill this goal?" and "What kind of career/personal work can I do to fulfill this goal?" By forcing myself to contemplate these questions early on in the day, I've found myself suddenly in possession of a crazy idea for the future that might actually work. I don't want to give too much away at this stage because I understand the importance of 'showing by doing'. All that I will say is that this idea came to me several hours after contemplation, seemingly out of nowhere, and it answers all of the questions above. Not only does it align with my life purpose, but I think it has the potential to grow and expand to help many other musicians get exposure as well as serving the interests of the listeners. One final clue that I will give away about this idea is that it has resulted from toying with the question "can I really create anything in this world?" This idea has got me super excited because I know that the biggest failure that can come from it (providing I remain persistent) is just that nobody will be that interested. I won't lose any money on this endeavor because it capitalizes on all the assets I have today, including musical mastery, microphones, powerful hardware, and an array of talented contacts who may want to join in on the fun. In fact, if everything goes tits up and I earn no money whatsoever from it, I can definitely say for a fact that it will be really fun! It's an idea that's going to put my philosophy of success to the ultimate test whilst simultaneously tackle the question "what problem do I want to solve in the world?" Namely, I want more people to see the beauty in life and realize that they can create anything they want in this world. Pick of the day:

Entry 164 | Hidden Magic Behind My Work Theory: It's wrong to pursue the career of a musician if all you want from it is the superficial rewards. Your biggest motivator should be your desire to deliver a spiritually empowering message of some sort to as many people as possible. Applying it: Try to remind yourself not to become too enticed with the self-interest and ego-gratification that results from performing music. Realign your focus on the primary goal: to serve the world, not yourself. After watching Leo's latest video on system thinking, I've been contemplating my prospects of becoming a performing musician. I'll admit that at times, my motivations can come from a self-pleasing place rather than a world-serving one. Sure it would be nice to parade around the world performing music in the hottest venues. But ultimately, my work has to be deeper than that if it's going to stand a chance at becoming sustainable. People will be able to read between the lines and recognize my ego-driven motivation if it becomes the dominant impulse for my life choices. At this point, I reconnected once again with my desire to convince the world of the lessons that I have learned: you can accomplish anything, it really isn't that impossible, life is beautiful if you look for the beauty, emotions are created within and not triggered from outside... There are so many messages and lessons that I've picked up over the last few years alone. But as the old adage goes, "people won't care about what you know, they care about what you do with what you know." The most absolute way I can transmit these messages with any kind of credibility is to embody them in my day-to-day life. That includes careers but also fitness, diets, emotional well-being, relationships, and every other domain of mastery that exists. I've come to the conclusion now that this world-serving mindset is something that I'm going to have to practice before it becomes a natural habit. If I can do it with general positivity, then I can do it with this too. It takes time and conscious effort at first but once it becomes an automatic process, you might as well wave goodbye to that problem for good. Also, some of the creative ideas that I've been receiving in regards to the future of music have seemed a little "shallow" on a surface level. For instance, is it really more important to spend my life developing musical mastery or should I focus on preventing something massive like climate change? But my answer came into being when I felt that more people in the world need to understand the lessons I've uniquely experienced first-hand and therefore, my time would be more productively spent transmitting these lessons to others. This shift from 'ego-pleasing' to 'world-serving' is one that I urgently need to solidify in the next few months. Pick of the day:

Entry 163 | Rendering Service Theory: It doesn't matter what talents or resources you possess unless you can utilize them to render good service to others. Applying it: Take a look at all the tools and abilities you have at your disposal and try to figure out how you could use them in the most productive way to provide useful service to others (and hopefully earn some money). So here I am with no university to go to with an abundance of time on my hands. What have I been doing with it? For the most part, I should plead guilty to the amount of time that I've done pretty much nothing. After all the uni work, it's always been a pleasure to have that time period afterwards whereby I let myself be pretty lazy. It's been a real busy year so it seems well-justified! But already, I'm starting to ask myself what life will be like in the future. Those career fantasies are now going to have to collide with reality for better or worse. The best place that I can start is to take into consideration every asset at my disposal. The most obvious one is my ability to perform. This definitely needs to be at the forefront of everything that I do, but it might not necessarily have to do with music. For instance, I could also make YouTube videos in the future going into detail about the knowledge and experience I've acquired. People love that shit! That almost feels like a performance because you're presenting in front of a (virtual) audience. A quick list of assets that I can think of at this time: guitar mastery, music knowledge, performing experience, (very soon!) powerful Macbook Pro with advanced music & video software, useful contacts. But ultimately, I think the most important asset is my desire to enjoy life as much as possible by self-actualizing and seeing beauty where others see emptiness. In fact, the more I think about it, a strong intuitive impulse seems to reaffirm the idea that my duty is to share this desire with the world until they feel it too. Now I'm spontaneously laughing with joy so it must be true! Have I redefined my life purpose? Because it seems so true. Performing music, exercising, eating healthily, meditating, self-actualizing, and every other peak-experience in my life has come from this attitude of wanting the most out of life. How the fuck did I lose sight of that?! Maybe it was the stresses of university. But now I feel realigned once again with what really matters. And I'm led to believe that being aligned like this will provide me with abundant opportunities in the future to offer great and meaningful service for others. Gee it's amazing some of the paradigm shifts that occur during the short time it takes to write up these entries! Pick of the day:

Entry 162 | Becoming The Music Theory: Once you start to reach the highest points of mastery with an instrument, your perception transforms from performing the music into becoming it. Applying it: As you play your instrument, try closing your eyes and opening up to all of your sense perceptions. Let the music become the essence of your being rather than a mere part of it. This is specifically a musician thing but I suspect the same phenomena can occur when mastery occurs with any activity. After spending 10+ years learning how to play an instrument, it's safe to say that you end up being pretty good at it. But if you're also extremely passionate about it and you just happen to be doing self-actualization (what a nice coincidence), you can combine both of these things to create some incredible performing experiences and some creative music. As I remember describing in a past entry that the learning process doesn't require your eyesight, much of my guitar playing these days tends to occur without me looking at the instrument. Instead, I focus my attention on the sense perceptions of touch and feel. This includes my fingertips, wrists, hands, arms, shoulders, and the rest of my body. Not only has this improved my body posture and technique, but it has opened up the possibility to engage in a more full experience of the music within. Sometimes, you can focus so deeply inward that the boundaries between the source of the music (the creative muse) and the physical performance of that music (my fingers on the guitar) dissolve completely. This is something that I've been experiencing very intensely in relation to a composition I'm in the middle of writing (see the video). It features some complex overlapping rhythms that force your mind to escape the normal conventions of rhythm in music and, in so doing, merge the creative muse and the physical body into one during it's performance. It's so complex that this divide simply has to disappear in order for it to make any sense. Below is the ending section of my composition. For any musicians who may find it interesting, this is a tukra to end the composition. A tukra is an Indian classical music technique which features a small composition followed by a tihai (a phrase repeated three times, ending on the first beat of the bar). The picking hand repeats a 7/8 pattern whilst the fretboard hand changes metrically between 4/4, 12/8, and 15/8. Drummers will probably agree in saying that it's very difficult to improvise across the beat with one hand whilst maintaining a consistent pulse in 7/8 in the other. Pick of the day:

Entry 161 | Lessons Learned Through Non-Teachers Theory: A high majority of all the lessons we learn in this world come from non-teachers (anyone/anything that is not consciously trying to provide teachings). Applying it: Be willing at all times to ask the question "what is this moment trying to teach me?" That way, you can be more conscious of the teachings that pass into your subconscious mind and, if necessary, discard any counterproductive teachings. My flatmate is a very good teacher, but he has no awareness of this. He is not actively trying to offer any teachings nor does he have a passion for learning and teaching. He's a non-teacher. There is a great big teaching that his behaviors are transmitting on a daily basis: using television to sweep your problems under the rug is a terrible idea that leads to even bigger problems in the future. Yesterday, the guy put on the TV at 9am and watched show after show consecutively until 9pm. An entire day's worth of viewing. As a result, the other flatmates, myself included, remained in our own rooms because he was taking up the living room with the TV. To be honest, I'd rather be in my room playing guitar so that didn't have much impact on me. But underneath it all, this addicted flatmate is unconsciously using the television to destroy the wonderful friendship that we all had together as a flat. The others feel isolated rather than included. All because this one flatmate doesn't know how to live without television/internet. He is proving to be a fine example of how addiction to television can destroy your life. He hates his day job, and yet he spends all of his free time absorbed in virtual reality to escape from the problems of this reality. After reading Towards A Psychology Of Being (almost), I can actually appreciate why television is so pleasurable: it's a tool through which you can forget your own being and become free of body, mind, and pain. However, it's a destructive one at that. If he continues in his ways, I feel sympathy towards the fact that he may end up with no friends, no happiness, and no love for life anymore. He'll become depressed, frustrated, and lonely. And as much as I'd love to make him realize this fate, something tells me that the only time he'll listen is when he's knee-deep in that shit. He frustrates me not because I feel like he's annoying, but because I'm concerned for his well-being in the future. Every time I walk past him and he's glued to the screen, it hurts me that not everybody in this world is actually conscious of their own destructive patterns. That's just one example of a non-teacher. There are many more in life and it's always good to be on the lookout for what lessons you can learn, even if its from a squirrel. Pick of the day:

Entry 160 | Reflection Yet again, the reflection post has come around on a very significant day in my life. Today was my last full day as a music student at the University of Sheffield. I ended up handing the library books back in and taking one last trip to the Soundhouse, the cool rehearsal building that I've practically lived in for the last three years. It was such a huge mistake because I found it incredibly difficult to leave. So many hours have been spent in that building perfecting my craft as a musician and so many wonderful memories were made. But now the real journey begins. And the question still remains to be answered: "can I actually make a kick-ass career for myself?" Action has always been in a more passive sense due to university life looming over like a fat pigeon. But now that pigeon is flying away and now I have to create a life for myself, become my own boss, set my own schedule. I've never known a life outside of formal education. Every moment of my life, there has been pressure to get good grades and good results. Now it's going to disappear completely. Only to be replaced by the judgment of society. I'm currently chatting to a mate about the future and goal-setting. He's reminded me that being specific with your goals is real important for success, and it is. But I feel like a fizzy drink that's been shaken in the bottle. Those creative juices in me are pretty keen to escape the bottle of my mind and it's only a matter of time before I give in and open the lid. It's gone beyond any beliefs that tell me my career goals are too optimistic, childlike, naive, or unrealistic. Music just wants to come out so much that it's going to force it's way out. Maybe that's why I've been kinda destructive in the moments where I've not been thinking about music. Everything about my life story thus far just cries out "this guy's got some serious music in him." And it's so serious that it won't leave me alone. It will continue to torment me for the rest of my life whilst I take away a sadistic pleasure from it all. Chatting shit now. Onwards and upwards. Pick of the day:

Entry 159 | Upper Limit Problem - Revisited Theory: It's never the case that more bad things can happen to you on any particular day. It's just that you are more negatively receptive on particular days. Applying it: Recognize that you are the source of all your negativity and be accepting of it. This post has nothing to do with the political confusion that has just occurred in the UK. Honestly, I never used to give so much of a shit about politics but perhaps turning 21 has it's bewildering effects. In any case, this could still apply to anyone who feels negatively about the state of things. I've been familiar with the concept of the Upper Limit Problem for a long time. It was first brought into my life, like everyone else, with Gay Hendricks' book The Big Leap. Although I've long understood that humans have the tendency to sabotage their happiness through one way or another, that understanding didn't seem to have helped for me today. Although I had two very awesome gigs (one at 8am and one at 8pm), my unfortunate luck on the road has been at the forefront of my attention. Driving to the first gig, I clipped the car mirror on something. After that gig, I lost my ticket to Q Park and ended up finding an abandoned ticket from yesterday costing £17. Then on the way to the second gig, I somehow managed to lose my second parking ticket (a few seconds after slapping it on the dashboard). And finally, I drove the majority of the way home with my car lights off. How the fuck have I not crashed into anything today?! But it's only just hit me now that the only reason I feel down is because I'm focusing on the negative aspects of the day. Given that my driving skills are usually on point, it's hard not to be shocked at how shitty my driving was today. But if I look on the positives, the first gig was so awesome. I performed an hour (non-stop) of Indian ragas with the Indian Music Ensemble leader and his tabla protege at the railway station for the BBC Music Day in Sheffield. I even got asked to do a little interview about music-making in Sheffield so that might end up on TV/the internet! The second gig was a preview of a musical that I'm the guitarist for called The Local, which will be performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this August. (If anyone of you guys happen to be going to the Fringe Festival this year, it would be so cool if you came up and said "hi": it's a long shot, I know but I believe in miracles!) That ended up turning out really well too. I received the wonderful familiar sensation of goosebumps during the performance which is always a pleasure in musicals. So if I focus on the positives, my day's been pretty awesome. I must remember not to assume that I'm undeserving of such happiness. There's no need to jeopardize my life situation because of a happy feeling, which sadly is what I have been doing the last week. It's time to absorb the happiness and acceptance even more. ... And if you want an example of a fine specimen of a man who knows how to look at the world with enthusiasm and excitement, then watch the video and be inspired by this legend: Cliff Stoll! Pick of the day:

Entry 158 | Ah, Politics I really don't feel all that qualified to talk about politics. It's not something that I've studied much in-depth but with the way that everyone is going on about it in the UK at the moment, something tells me that it's worth investing some time to understand how politics work. As I type, two of my flatmates on opposite sides of the spectrum are debating about whether conservative or labour is the correct party for the country. To tell the truth, I haven't voted in the election. The main reason being is that I want my vote to come from a place of deeper understanding of how politics works, not from a social media campaign. As of right now, that's something I don't possess. But perhaps in the future I will work towards developing a deeper understanding. I want my vote to come from a well-intentioned and well-informed place. Otherwise it may do more damage than good. In previous years, I've just past off general elections with the old excuse "my vote doesn't matter anyway." On reflection, that way of thinking is probably not the most productive nor beneficial mindset to hold. It grounds me in a vulnerable position. But as of right now, I feel glad to have realized that perhaps it would be best to make a vote. But as I mentioned, it needs to be a well-informed decision. As for the debate about which system is the right one, again I'm not well-read enough to give an educated opinion. But with my naive understanding of the situation, it's obvious that there is both good and bad in every political party. Maybe it's just a law of nature that things must be this way. But all things considered, we've not destroyed each other yet! And I don't think it will happen any time soon, regardless of who ends up running the country. The more "hippie" part of me just thinks that it would be wonderful if we could live in a world free from countries because it seems to divide us rather than unite us. Hopefully, the world will look like that one day but perhaps not in any of our lifetimes. All I can say about this election is that no matter who wins, we'll soldier on as always. There's no point in determining our happiness on the outcome. Pick of the day:

Entry 157 | Ownership Theory: Multiple benefits can come when you consciously decide to take ownership for something. Applying it: Expand your consciousness to take ownership everything in your life, from materialistic possessions to your emotional well-being. This was just going to be a simple little post about how borrowing a book from the university library has been worse than actually owning the book myself. It turns out that ownership applies not only to the material world but also to your emotions and spiritual well-being. Through the analogy of the library book, I might be able to summarize the effects of taking ownership of any and every aspect of life. The main reason why it's taken me so long to finish reading Towards A Psychology Of Being has absolutely nothing to do with the content in the book. It has everything to do with the fact that I borrowed the book. It's not a book that I own; I paid no money to get this book (unless you want to take into account tuition fees). As a result, my attitude towards reading the book has been sloppy and laid-back. I read the book when I felt like it and with only 3 more days left as being a registered student, it's getting time to hand the book back to the library. Thankfully, I have enough time to finish reading the book, which will be my goal for the next few days. Incidentally, I made the most of the wonderful 'student discount' to purchase a MacBook Pro today (turns out that it wasn't a fleeting fancy and it was more of an intuitive desire). That bad boy wasn't cheap but as a student, I was able to receive several bonus software programs as well as the discount. But the most important part of the purchase was that I paid everything up-front. I declined the option to pay £100 per month because I knew that it would be emotionally easier to own it as a debt-free possession. By making such a huge investment for my career, there's no way that I'll treat it like I did with that library book. I paid the money. I hurt my bank balance. So I've got to make it worthwhile! And that mindset is going to make my work so much easier. If I were playing cheap, there would be a whole level of motivation missing from my life. Now, there's almost an underlying pressure to make it worthwhile but not so much as to create neurosis (hopefully!). As for emotional well-being, similar investments can be made. For example, this could include purchasing books, taking courses, going on retreats, taking time out to visit friends and family, and other things. Whatever you decide to do with your life, make sure that you own it. Although, it's best to drop the materialistic desire to own everything! Pick of the day:

Entry 156 | Escaping Reality Theory: Most of us receive pleasure from states of mind that allow us to escape from our bodies and normal lives. But not all of these pleasures are the most constructive. Applying it: Recognize that things like watching TV, playing video games, scrolling through Facebook, etc. are all ways in which you try and escape from the now. Aim to reduce these activities as much as possible in order to discover more constructive ways of receiving this pleasure. As a musician, I get very passionate about performing music. It's one of the ways in which this reality-escaping phenomenon occurs for me. As I perform music of any kind, no longer am I trapped in the physical body of Liam. I immerse myself fully with the music so much that it fills my field of awareness and I become the music. It's not poetry. It's just a highly-constructive way of receiving the pleasure that comes out of watching a film, reading a book, etc. The main difference is that I gain something tangible from it: mastery of the guitar/instrument. If I were to put in the same amount of hours receiving the exact same pleasures from TV, the internet, and other low-consciousness entertainment platforms, my life would look drastically different. Dare I say it, I would probably have ended up like any other mediocre person. My life would have no purpose, it would be absent of peak-experiences, and I would have been wallowing in my depression from my teenage years right the way through until adulthood. It's therefore important to understand and implement the ideology that high-consciousness activities (such as sports, music, art, or any field of study/work that fills you with wonder and excitement) can provide you with so much more than the shallow-level pleasure that comes from low-consciousness activities. They provide you with purpose, peak-experiences, happiness, and maybe even enlightenment. It pays not to be lazy and fall for the low-consciousness stuff, which is tricky because it's so addictive. But to transcend that level of consciousness and find something worth living for is the ultimate victory we can hope for. Pick of the day:

Entry 155 | End of University Report Today, I performed in my last exam for university EVER. It was a traditional music performance where I performed some self-composed Irish tunes with my buddy who plays tin whistle. Overall, it went pretty darn well. It felt like a jam, to be honest! As a means of celebration, we performed a spontaneous parade through the departmental building playing In Dulce Jubilo and I bought some brownies to share with whoever I was with that day (may have naughtily eat too many!) After that, I got back home and preceded to go about creating some new music on the acoustic guitar and also with Pure Data (programming software) combined with the tabla and electric guitar. I cannot express my excitement for the years to come. This year especially, I'm going to be staying with my parents from the 1st July for good, meaning that I get to love them and enjoy watching my dog growing up! My year is going to consist of writing new music and getting the gigs in. There's no other work in life I'd rather be doing. I feel really tired after today: it was an early morning for me after so many later mornings. Hopefully will be feeling more awake tomorrow to write about stuff. Pick of the day:

Entry 154 | Consciously Marking Time Theory: Perhaps the best way to remind yourself not to procrastinate is to find a way of representing the amount of conscious hours spent (i.e. time spent deliberately on goals, life purpose, career, etc) Applying it: Use data representation to mark off how much time you've spent consciously versus unconsciously (procrastinating, slacking). This is a new idea I'm trying out. Over the last few months, my schedule has been very lackluster. It's not been as set in stone as it once has been. Part of the problem for me is to do with memory. As I wake up every day as if it were fresh and new, I tend to forget about the promises I made yesterday. I need a way of reminding myself to keep on the ball, and now I think I've figured out how to do it. Quite simply, what I need to do is schedule my conscious hours on my calendar AND tick them off when, and only when, they've been completed. If I miss it altogether, I mark it off as a fail. To do this, I'm going to create a spreadsheet to log the data and have it represented in a pie chart or something similar. That way, I can look at the chart and see on first glance how aligned I am with my calendar and goals. The problem that I've found with scheduling goals on calendars is that there is no way of getting the calendar app to check off events as 'completed.' As a result, I've completely ignored some of the automated goals and events that were previously on the calendar. By providing the threat of visual data for complete and incomplete goals, my ego will feel more inclined to cooperate rather than ignore or fight. This idea is fresh today and still needs proving. But I'm pretty confident that this is the kick in the backside I need. I may even take snapshots of the charts for each reflection post just to encourage myself to keep going with it. Pick of the day:

Entry 153 | Break-Ups Theory: To truly move on from a break-up, you must prove to yourself that you can live without any remnants of the other person in your life. Applying it: If the memory of the other person hurts too much, remove them from your social media feeds, hide photographs, and eliminate anything that might trigger those painful thoughts. And most of all, don't feel bad about it. I don't think I've ever talked about my first girlfriend that much on this journal. We had such a great relationship from start to finish. We were young 16-year-olds when I asked her to be my girlfriend at the Year 11 ball. We were together for 2 years before she permanently moved to Canada in 2014. As cheesy as it sounds, her presence in my life gave me purpose. During that relationship, I transformed from a depressed, socially-phobic hermit into a more outgoing and loving person. She was my rock for two years. But as with all things, the relationship had to come to an end. In our case, involuntarily. The first year since we parted ways was incredibly difficult. Given it was also my first year at university, I struggled to maintain the confidence I had when I was in the relationship. On top of that, I was really upset that I would potentially never see her again. And to add salt to the wound, she felt the same way. However, I slowly started getting into personal development and self-actualization around this time as a means of procuring confidence once again. Later on in that year, I felt it necessary to unfollow/block her on Facebook because the memory of her was causing me so much pain. It was preventing me from moving on. Since I made this move, my ability to move on from the relationship has developed completely. I don't find myself thinking about her very much but when I do, it comes from a place of love rather than pain. I've become independently strong and confident in myself as a result. A friend of hers messaged me this morning with a 'final farewell' message from her, indicating that she wants to cut all ties with me for the same reason: the memory of me is still causing her pain to this day. To which I'm glad that she's following the same course of action to 'let go' and become independently happy as I have done before. I still love her even though we won't be together again as a unit. But that's why I'm happy that she's taking action to become happier and more accepting of the situation. It's both sweet and tragic that she's still missed me terribly after all this time. But I hope that she can let go of what could have been a long, happy relationship together. And when she does, I'll be waiting to welcome her back as a long lost friend if she ever feels like catching up in 10+ years. But I know not to depend on it, and I've made peace with it. She's on the path to happiness now, and that is an encouraging thought. Pick of the day:

Entry 152 | Don't Be Ashamed Theory: When it comes to pursuing your life purpose, don't feel bad about taking the necessary action if it goes against social expectations. Applying it: Always keep in mind the ultimate goal you have for yourself and never believe for a minute that you are taking selfish action. Since my university work has (almost) been wrapped up for good, the time has come to finally take action on my life purpose FULL TIME. It's such a daunting prospect, but also incredibly exciting. However, during my time at university, I've accumulated certain conditioning that tells me that what I need to be doing is getting a full-time job. To tell the truth, I really don't want any old job. My purpose in this world is to create and perform music. I've been certain of it since my teenage years and I'm constantly reminded of it every time I perform. The joy on people's faces when I take the stage is something worth living and dying for. But there's something I can't quite get my head around. My "work hours" should logically be spent playing the guitar/creating new music. And yet, this feels like playtime for me, not work. And as a result, I somehow feel ashamed that I'm not working hard on an internal level (even though that may never be the case from an observer). If university has provided me with any conditioning, it's that you must suffer emotionally to get a good job done. But I remember from watching some of Leo's life purpose videos that suffering needs never be a part of work. And so my job now is to fight the conditioning and actually allow myself the luxury of being with the guitar for hours and hours every single day. Nothing would satisfy my creative muse more. It all becomes so worth it to see the faces of my audience light up with awe at the music I play (I've been playing long enough now to stop being modest and accept that I do a pretty good job most of the time). It not only puts joy in others, but it has provided me with fulfillment on an incredibly deep level. It's time to stop being ashamed for spending hours each day playing the guitar within the comfort of my home. I forget that for some people, that would seem like a monster task. But for me, I can't think of a better luxury nor a better way of rendering high-quality service to others. The height of my fulfillment will come when someone comes up to me and tells me that I've inspired them to live in accordance with their Zone of Genius. Then I will have truly passed on the baton of success and fortune that I've acquired from my own heroes. Pick of the day:

Entry 151 | Psychedelic Dream Report Last night, I experienced a dream like no other. Although I've never taken drugs or psychedelics in my life, it seems as though I "tripped" in my dream last night in a monumental way. The specific meaning behind this dream remains a mystery for the time being as I'm bewildered by it completely. A good 95% of the dream was humanistic and believable in many ways. It was a hot day and I was chilling in the entrance to some sort of temple or old building with members of the Indian music ensemble. Although most dreams give the illusion of appearing realistic, this one felt unparalleled in that remark. The gorgeous heat of the sun beaming down on my skin, the appearance of my musician friends, the passage of time, even my state of consciousness within the dream felt completely real. My thoughts and emotions felt identical to what they do now. As far as I was concerned, it was real life with no question about it. Much of the dream occurred in this scenario, which felt really good but perhaps not as noteworthy as what happened right at the end of the dream. Remembering that it was a hot day with no clouds in the sky, I felt a spot of rain hit my skin. And then another. The sky began to darken and as I looked up, I saw the ash clouds of a gigantic explosion and a turquoise nebula shining through. I slowly came to realise that it must have been a meteor or something similar hitting the Earth, meaning the end of the world. As I spoke words along the lines of "is the world going to end?", time began to slow down before I managed to finish the sentence. The people around me, including myself, began to fall to the ground. The sound of my voice distorted like a record being slowed down. The colour schemes transformed from normal "everyday" colours to highly saturated, intense colours. My thoughts and emotions began to revolve around fear and terror. Instead of hitting the ground, I seemed to fall through it. The entire scenario, now in bright luminescent colours, began to zoom out of perspective until nothingness remained. My thoughts and emotions became the equivalent of that of a dying person. Once wrestling with life, now just peacefully letting it go. Remember that it felt like real life to me. It genuinely felt like death had finally come. All that remained of the nothingness was just pure awareness. It remained for a few more seconds before I "woke up" in bed to discover that it was all a dream. I checked my watch and I had only been asleep for 3 hours in all of that time. The most intriguing thing about this dream for me is the maintained awareness from the dream world to the awakened world. It left a great big question in my mind that can't be shaken off: what if I'm still dreaming? What if the dream never ended? I was so certain that the dream world was reality. Just like I have been so sure all of my life that the waking world is real. Now I really don't know. One thing is for sure: that was the most beautiful experience I can remember. Pick of the day:

Entry 150 | Reflection - 21st Birthday Special Yesterday, I hit the milestone. I can now legally have a drink in the USA! Shame that I don't really like alcohol and have never been to the US. This last week has been so overwhelming. A coursework deadline, a funeral, two weddings, and a happy birthday to me. It feels like an eternity has gone by and I'm quite ready for a chill few days. Emotions have been all over the place and, regrettably, I've not given myself much time for meditation and self-actualization work. Now things are slowly winding down, it's time to make it a staple of my daily routine once again. That's the trouble with the life of a musician: work consistency is a commodity! I should probably talk about my view on being 21 because my outlook on birthdays isn't the same as many others. Birthdays have always felt like just another day to me, and this is no exception. I never really feel like celebrating it with a party. However, it's always a pleasure to see just how much those around you care for you. As with every birthday, it seems hard to believe that I'm officially a year older. But you could argue that age in itself is just a belief. And so the next few days and weeks, my brain will become conditioned to believe that Liam is 21 years old even if the ultimate truth says otherwise. Every single atom that holds this body together is far older than 21 Earth years. Also, the past is inaccessible now because it exists only as a mental construct. So who's to say that this body has been together for 21 years? Science has proven that every 5-10 years, your body is physically 100% different to what it was before. So yeah, it's a funny one! But all I can say for now is that it feels good to still be alive and experiencing this world. Long may it continue. Pick of the day:

Entry 149 | Escape The Herd Theory: It's ridiculously easy to lose yourself in "herd mentality" when it comes to every facet in life. Applying it: Don't be afraid to challenge the social understanding of what's "normal." If it feels right for you, just go with it. I'm going to do two entries today to catch up on lost time. It's been a frantic few days but in the best possible way. Over the last two days, I have been performing with a wedding band for weddings in Cheshire and Harrogate, each of which pretty far from where I'm staying in Sheffield. A few things about the job got me thinking how this isn't your everyday 9-to-5 job. Although it's still long and late hours, it's been a lot of fun. After the first wedding, I got home around 3am which completely through off my sleeping pattern. At some point, I recognised that I had this conditioning that it was somehow bad to sleep until midday the next day. It probably came from school where teachers and adults would constantly frown upon teenagers who stayed in bed so long. So it seems that I had developed this 'herd mentality' about how it's better to get up bright and early. But with the way I was feeling at 3am, there was no chance I would be setting my alarm for 7! The same thing happened with the concept of napping. I picked up this belief from somewhere that you should never nap because it's not "normal." But after having a kip on the way to the second wedding (the band manager drove), I felt so much better. In fact, I was pretty wide awake by 3am when I got home once again. Even the very idea of joining a wedding band for paid work is an idea outside of general herd mentality, so I thought "why should I worry about keeping this social conditioning if it doesn't serve me?" Granted, some social conditioning is actually beneficial. For example, it's much nicer to live in a city/town/village populated by other humans rather than living in a jungle on your own. But sometimes, the herd mentality isn't the best way to go. It's a "one size fits all" mentality, meaning that it can never fit your unique needs. So don't be a sucker to it! Pick of the day:

Entry 148 | Funerals Theory: You will never be able to experience empathetic grief and sorrow on such a powerful scale than you can at the funeral of a loved one. Applying it: Forget the bullshitty social conditioning that tells you to "man up." If you want to cry, let it out authentically and feel the bittersweet joy of sharing that with others. Had an emotional day planting my uncle today. There were so many hundreds of people to attend the funeral that the doors of the crematorium were overflowing during the service. If that didn't hit me hard enough, the final blow to my heart which started the tears was watching my cousins (his daughters) carrying the coffin. I had to control my emotions the best I could in the lead-up to my reading, which was written by his mum and siblings. Somehow, I kept it together and read the messages without succumbing to the pain. As soon as I sat down, however, I let the tears flow. And what a wonderful feeling it was. Sure I was sad as hell that my uncle had died, hence the tears in the first place. But from a higher perspective, it was a joy to feel the tears roll down my face. It informed me just how much the guy meant to me. Not only that, but it filled me with empathy for everyone else there. Especially those closer to him than myself. Once I'd let the tears out and embraced them, the suffering disappeared. The sadness will always remain but in a way that won't bring psychological pain. All because I embraced the grief without giving a damn about my appearance as a man. And to be honest, that's how I live my whole life now. It never used to be this way before I became introduced to personal development. I mean let's face it. If you're a man trying to uphold this self-image of being a tough guy and stone cold with your emotions, you're only creating more suffering for yourself. Be authentic and cry if you want to. Hell if I feel like this today, it's going to be one hell of an experience when my own folks pop their clogs. I'm going to cry so hard and it will be wonderful at the same time. Pick of the day:

Entry 147 | Catching Up Things have been very busy the last few days. Probably best to just write about them. It's not been the best few days for personal growth but they've still been significant. First, I handed in my last load of deadlines for university EVER. Sadly, one of them was a day late which means that it'll receive a mark deduction. But to be honest, I've reached a point now where I'm certain that I never want to write another academic essay again in my life. Some people love them, but I just don't enjoy the process at all. So in that respect, I'm not bothered about it. Full-time musicians don't have to write dull essays if they don't want to. Secondly, I've been preparing for some wedding gigs with a professional band called Electric Idols. My guitar teacher kindly put my name forward to them when they were seeking a dep guitarist and I'm thrilled to be asked to perform. It's not necessarily my goal in life to make a full career out of it but it's great experience and good pay for what it is (£170 per night). Seemed like I made a good first impression at any rate. Thirdly, it's my uncle's funeral tomorrow. It hasn't hit me properly yet that he's gone now but tomorrow will probably do it. I was surprised and humbled when his siblings (my mum, auntie, and two uncles) had approached me to read some words on their behalf, to which I accepted. This is going to be a new experience for me. I can't fathom what it's going to be like standing in front of all of his friends and family, with his body in the coffin, and delivering words filled with grief, sorrow, and deep love. To finish up on an upbeat note (or a syncopated note, for musicians), might as well mention some personal growth work I've been introducing slowly. And that is cleaning up my diet. I'm currently reading "The Immune System Recovery Plan" and discovering lots of things about nutrition. I've never been diagnosed with an auto-immune disease or anything serious. But I still have a little trouble with acne, belching, and the tendency to overeat certain foods. I've only tried two of the recipes so far but they are both bloody gorgeous, not to mention energising. The last few days have been pretty hectic and stressful. But underneath it all, I feel good and that's what matters. Pick of the day:

Entry 146 | World Peace Theory: By treating world peace as an attainable object, one makes it impossible to acquire. Applying it: To obtain any peace of mind whatsoever, the healthiest course of action would be to stop neurotically seeking for it. I was just in the middle of a meditation session when I received a powerful vision out of nowhere. It's a vision that makes me wish I had good art skills because it contains a strong and truthful message. It's not as if I asked for this vision, nor was I particularly looking for it. But it's about a topic that seems relevant in this world today: world peace. The vision was as follows. It came to me in a black and white, stencil, cartoony universe. In the middle was a large trophy or monument of the Earth with the words "world peace" written on its banner. The trophy was just resting on the ground, motionless. But around it, there were the national armies around the world locked in a battle to obtain the trophy. They came from all sides and were shooting each other in the crossfire. It looked like they were all fighting each other with the goal of obtaining the world peace trophy. That was the vision. Examining its meaning, it seems to describe the current situation given that there are still wars and terrorist attacks happening. First of all, it must be argued that the trophy of "world peace" is not true world peace. Its appearance as a trophy would mean that it could be attainable. In other words, if one army managed to obtain it, then nobody else could. In reality, world peace cannot be awarded to the best army by means of a trophy. The trophy represents the idealised interpretation of what world peace should be (which derives from personal opinion). Secondly, the depiction of the armies fighting each other for the trophy contains some depth. Their motives are exactly the same: to attain world peace. But as a result of their neurotic desperation to "obtain" it, they end up killing each other in the crossfire. On the deepest level, it has nothing to do with hating the enemy or even having an enemy. The conflict arrives from their own neurosis which is based upon a set of belief systems about what world peace is meant to be, which is represented wholly by the trophy. Finally, it presents two certified ways of bringing about true world peace. One constructive and one destructive. Either the armies could continue their neurotic patterns until everyone died in the crossfire. This would bring about human extinction which would certainly make for a world free of human egotism. The other way would be for all armies to recognise that what they are fighting for is, in fact, an illusion. It's not true world peace. The trophy can never substitute for the real thing. In that case, they would all turn around and leave the trophy sitting there. Therefore, by dropping the desire to obtain it, they have counterintuitively created it. This vision felt too powerful to be forgotten so I had to write it down as fast as I could. If anyone happens to know an artist who would be willing to draw such a concept, then do get them on the job. I would do it myself but that would take years of learning how to become a great artist. But it feels too urgent to wait that long. It had to be shared now. Pick of the day:

Entry 145 | Spending Money Theory: It's not always a bad thing. When you invest money in something that's going to be worthwhile for your personal growth, it's SO worth it. Applying it: Stop worrying about not having enough money. Develop your relationship with it so that you are spending it predominantly on things that will be worthwhile to your future. Okay, look. I'm not that old that I've been in a money-making career. I've yet to face the worries concerning taxes, mortgages, paying off university debts, and so on. All I'm offering here is my perspective on how spending money wisely can be a positive influence on your personal growth. It certainly has been for me so far. So given the paychecks and scholarships I have received so far, I've made sure that the money was spent wisely on something that would have a positive effect on my music career. The best investments I've made so far include a professional-standard acoustic guitar and amplifier, music videos, my website, and most recently a high-quality webcam. Although my parents have been adding their own money to my bank account, I've made sure that these investments were the product of my own earnings. As I'm not one to go out to clubs and drink alcohol, I consider myself to be fairly sensible with money. Many students that I've lived with have spent lots of money on nights out (one of them got so pissed up on a night out at Leeds that he paid £300 for an Uber to Sheffield.) In comparison to them, I hardly spent money at all. But when I do, it's mostly for a good cause. My most recent purchase/investment was for a high-quality webcam with the intention of using it for live streaming. Live videos are becoming increasingly more popular these days so I figured it would be cool to set up a platform for myself to do live-streamed "concerts" and performances. It might also come in handy teaching students over Skype. Although I realise now that it is no replacement for a high-quality video camera for more professional looking videos, it's still going to be a valuable piece of kit. Why? Because I'm going to make it so. Pick of the day:

Entry 144 | EP Release So today was the launch of a 7-track EP entitled "No Pressure." I've spent the whole of today getting the photo shoot for the album cover together along with uploading all the finished tracks. It's a long process when your laptop is old as fuck! But finally, it's here. It's generally not good practice to rush a job such as an EP. However, it had to be done for my mate's university deadline (this was part of his work). That's why I christened the EP "No Pressure" in the first place. As I'm rather tired now, I'm just gonna plug it here I'm very happy with the final product and it's my pleasure to share it with you all. It not only features some of my own guitar pieces, but also guest appearances from the Folk Fusion Trio who have been good pals at university. Do have a listen, and maybe even download it for free! Click here to listen to the EP