Liam Johnson

Entry 188 | Being Self-Taught Theory: A teacher can be incredibly useful to lay out the foundational material for you to develop a new skill or habit. But the truly rewarding stuff comes when you become your own teacher. Applying it: Use a teacher to get you past the initial hurdles but from that point on, stop relying on them to get you to greatness. That can only be brought upon by yourself. In the first 7 (or so) years of playing guitar, I received lessons from a great rock guitarist in the local area. He taught me the essentials of how to play the electric guitar in a rock/pop style. He also got me through my graded exams including grade 3, 5, and 8. After that though, I felt like there wasn't much more that he could teach me in terms of how to play the guitar. It was at this point that I decided to take on the learning part myself and become my own teacher. This led me to teach myself how to play the acoustic guitar which is, in fact, drastically different from the electric guitar (in the same sort of way that a piano is different to a synthesiser). I learned a whole new way of playing the guitar that was beyond anything I'd heard anyone else play in my local area. In fact, I've yet to meet a guitarist face-to-face who plays the same sort of music that I do. Ever since I took charge of my own learning, results have been super fulfilling in ways that I could've never imagined. There's the surface-level stuff which includes prestige, reputation, awards from the university, and other nice things. But the deeper stuff involves my interaction with the instrument. I've been able to connect with my guitar on such an emotional and spiritual level that it no longer feels like there's a 'me' performing the music. From my perspective, it genuinely feels like the music and the self merge into one being. As a result, I've developed a love for the music and the guitar specifically that is beyond an easy description. The feel of the wound guitar strings under my fingertips, the warm tones they produce, the godly feeling that comes over me whenever I shut my eyes and perform... It's an embrace that never gets tiring. It seems like the same is happening with self-actualisation work. Although I still often listen to new content from Leo and others that I follow, rarely do I feel the need to search for that material. It always gets played when it feels right or when I have nothing better to do. We'll have to see how that goes in the coming months. Pick of the day:

Entry 187 | Daily Lists Theory: By setting daily lists for yourself, you can learn to become productive and fulfilled on a daily basis. Applying it: Make daily lists, alongside a master list, of 10 things to accomplish during the day and aim to complete them all by the end of the day. I'm very aware of the theory here. This is what I've discovered myself from doing them every day for the last few weeks or so. What I'm currently failing to do is develop the habit of getting a 100% success rate every single day. Sometimes, it really can be inevitable that some things don't get completed in a day's work due to complications. But most of the time, I genuinely have no excuse. And this must be my priority for the coming weeks and months. Because if I can't turn in 10 completed tasks every day (each of which will be designed to fulfil the long-term goals in my master list), then things are going to take forever. What's more, it feels pretty damn good to power through a single day like that, let alone day after day. Perhaps some underlying habitual process in my psyche is like "well I had a pretty good day yesterday, so I can afford to slack off a little today." It must be the case because most of my days recently have been really fulfilling. It seems counterintuitive to knuckle down even harder the next day but it also feels necessary at this point. If The Big Leap is anything to go on at this point in time, perhaps the deeper reason for my self-sabotage recently (albeit mild so far) is because I don't feel worthy of accomplishing the goals I've laid out for myself. That's a deeply entrenched belief that I have which is going to withstand lots of energy to defeat altogether. The fact of the matter is that I've been waiting almost my whole life for this moment. And after everything that I've done, it seems like the very least I deserve. All that remains is to form this habit of dishing out 100% success rates every day while my brain is still developing. I don't know why it had never occurred to me to start these lists ages ago. Perhaps I couldn't see the value in doing it before. Now though, I don't feel that I could live without it. Through daily lists, my life is completely mapped out for me. All I have to do is just do it! There's more difficult things to be doing to be honest. Pick of the day:

Entry 186 | Making The Leap Of Faith Yesterday, my mum showed me a real cool job to apply for at a school. They're looking for graduates who want to become a "musician in residence." This would probably include doing some music lessons with kids and providing them with opportunities to perform in front of audiences, all in the hope to promote music as being a worthy subject of study for them in the future. It's a part-time job, only lasting 12 months, and it pays around £17k per year. It sounds like a pretty good job. And guess what? I'm going to decline. In fact, the decision is made. I'm not taking the job on. And it is with great terror (but also great enthusiasm) that I must admit to myself that I have took the ultimate leap of faith to pursue my life purpose: to become a master musician. How selfish of me to abandon a job dedicated to providing education and inspiration to younger generations? How selfish of me to pursue the equivalent of becoming a flat-out rockstar? No. As one of the lucky few who seems to have an engrained sense of purpose in life, I feel it my duty to provide the world with the music that "speaks" to me. It's not like it's in my control. No matter how much I try to question it, there's a burning urge inside me to unleash the work of the creative muses. And I strongly believe that this is what I should be pursuing in life. It's beyond simply getting the perks of living that kind of lifestyle because it's not without its drawbacks (long periods away from home, LOTS of traveling, unable to just have a comfortable easy-going life). Also, what's the better course: to educate and inspire a select number of school kids about the importance of music, or to educate and inspire everyone in my daily life of the importance of pursuing your dreams and living the self-actualised life? For me, it has to be the latter. What's more, if I dedicated even 12 months of my time to this job, by the end of that 12 months I will most certainly not be any better off when it comes to pursuing my ultimate dreams, and perhaps my guitar and performance skills will have deteriorated a little. This question should sum up everything I feel at the moment: should I chase my dreams in 12 months, or should I do it right fucking now? And the decision is made. There's no going back now. It's life or death and I'm going for it. What I find remarkable is that I feel willing to die for this. I'd never have thought these desires were of such staggering importance for me. Basically, I would rather die trying to make an impact in the world instead of settling for a comfortable, easy-paying job. I'm terrified of the thought of failure in the future. But my actions today favour my deep excitement of the chance of bewildering success. Finally, a significant step towards success. Backing out is not an option now. If my life is going to be spent anyway, it's going to be about delivering music to the masses. I don't yet know how. But I do know that I will die happy having given it a go. Music to the masses. Just you wait! Pick of the day:

Entry 185 | Negative Consequences of Listening to Self-Help Speakers Theory: The difficult thing about absorbing lots of self-actualization content is that you unconsciously turn it into a set of beliefs. They're not necessarily home truths. Applying it: Be prepared to admit that what you have been told by others, no matter how convincing they sound, they are not true. They're in fact beliefs still waiting to be proved true. Not too long ago, I found a pretty big flaw in my web of beliefs that stemmed from self-actualisation material. This includes Leo's videos, various books, podcasts and speeches from other self-help speakers. And it's not my intention to slate what they are doing because my life has become drastically more fruitful since welcoming that material into my daily existence. Rather, I've become aware of one of the biggest flaws in this kind of medium which Leo has in fact tried to make it clear before. The danger comes from accepting their views on faith. And it's taken me a long time to become aware of this myself. Earlier today, I noticed that I was scared of not being a success (not living my dreams). So I went on a questioning spree. Why did I fear failure? Because I'd end up feeling depressed? Why? Because I hadn't lived up to my full potential. Why should I live up to my full potential? Because that will make me fulfilled. And how do you know that? Because that's what [insert motivational speaker's name] told me would happen. Bingo. I'd found the route cause of my fear of not being successful. It came from blindly assuming that what these self-help speakers were telling me was true. It's not a truth that I had directly experienced. It was a belief after all. From my own personal experience, I knew that even the most simple human life possible could be filled with so much beauty and splendour that it would be infinitely times more fulfilling than a "successful" one. Some of the most profound and beautiful moments of my life have resulted from just sitting in a room with nobody nearby and nothing to do. This expectation that I must live a successful life in order to be happy was one created by my own mind. It also used the very content that has been responsible for so much of my growth thus far to justify itself. Well, it ain't fooling me anymore. Pick of the day:

Entry 184 | Walking Meditation Theory: You don't need to be sat motionless in an unpopulated room in order to meditate. You can do it whilst walking in solitude too. Applying it: Go on a long walk (1hr+) and use the same principles of standard meditation as you go on your way. As reaction to yesterday, I decided to try this out for the first time. It crossed my mind that I should probably look online to see how it should be done properly, but I settled on finding my own way of doing things. Ten minutes away from home, there's a pretty big forest area where we take the dog for walks. I set off on my own to just walk through the forest and absorb the beauty of it. And of course, it wasn't difficult to do that. Walking through the trees, I found myself becoming very present and peaceful. It was as if I had left behind my whole life and all that mattered was the forest. There were some wonderful sights to be seen, all of them incredibly simple and typically unremarkable. The arched formation of the tree branches along the long path down to the bottom of the forest, the different shades of green leaves providing a roof above my head, the sunlight peering through the gaps in the leaves. It wasn't long before I was completely immersed in this beautiful place. My childhood spirit came back to me as I tried climbing some trees, throwing sticks as far as I could, pretending to wave them around like swords! I walked beyond the forest to a place that I remembered as a kid. It was like a rocky vantage point which had a little den underneath that we used to climb into (pictured above). Sadly, that bit was overgrown and inaccessible due to the river. But the nostalgia of returning there after perhaps 10 years felt incredible. I later moved on towards another part of the river where I stood motionless and speechless for around 15-20 minutes just soaking it all in. No pun intended! Memories of walking through the river trying to catch the tiny fish with fishing nets came back. All that had changed was the grass being a little more overgrown and the fish in the river were now massive. It was such a special moment that only I could understand. And I'm so pleased with myself for actually going through with the walk. The walk not only brought back some wonderful memories that I'd long since forgotten, but it brought about an inner state of peace and love with myself. I was loving the shit out of my own company. No fucks were given to those who saw me pretending to sword fight with sticks. I mean, it's not a recommended meditation technique but it sure as hell felt spontaneous and full of spirit. And that's exactly what I welcome into my life. It doesn't have to be correct or right, it just has to feel spiritual. And it did! Pick of the day:

Entry 183 | Comfort Theory: Spending too long in a comfortable position will eventually lead to discomfort, which results from inaction. Applying it: Just think that if you're going to feel discomfort anyway, you might as well just feel it whilst doing the dirty work you know you should be doing. Since leaving university, I've ironically gone into a last-minute learning period. My online account runs out in two weeks and I'm trying to use it to look through the Logic Pro and Final Cut Pro lectures available on Lynda.com while they're technically free. But for a while now, I know what I've wanted to be creating: get myself out there. I've now bought (not yet received) all the gear necessary to do this: a powerful laptop, camera, microphones, even a busking amp. But I've not yet took any action doing what I need to be doing. Now that's probably the sound of me being too harsh on myself. In fact, I've been learning about the recording and video technology available on the MacBook Pro, as mentioned above. I've also been composing new music, programming electronic music, writing blog posts, and preparing myself for what's to come. And whilst this is all good stuff, I've been doing it from the comfort of my own home. It's not been necessary to leave the house apart from to go food shopping. What I really need to be doing is getting out of the house and doing something. I'd get a monthly gym membership if it weren't for the fact that I'm away on tour next month and the fitness centre aren't able to freeze the payments for that month alone. Plus, I'm living in a place which is pretty dead in terms of things to do. Where Sheffield is buzzing with excitement, my home town is very dead. But I digress. I just need to be doing something beneficial with my time other than just preparing myself. Also given the fact that I've been at home for a few weeks now (it feels like longer), it's probably natural that I feel like I want to become comfortable with my surroundings. After 3 years living away from home, it's gonna happen. But given my plans for the future and given how I feel right now, becoming comfortable at home is something I don't want to be doing. As lovely as it sounds, my purpose feels way too big and dutiful to be left behind closed doors. That's why the idea of getting a comfortable job through a comfortable benefits system seemed like death to me. Perhaps it's my desires for the future getting the better of me. I go too hard on myself sometimes. Just remember, Liam, that no matter how imperfectly you may be as a human being, there isn't a day that goes by nowadays where you aren't striving for that vision of yours. It doesn't matter if you make mistakes or hiccups along the way. What matters is that the drive is always there. And it's not a drive for personal satisfaction. It's the drive to let the creative muses within you to come into being and it's the drive to show people what is possible in their own life. Ultimately, you want to be a creator, not a consumer. So go ahead and do that with your life. Don't consume it. Create it! Pick of the day:

Entry 182 | Schedule Simply Theory: When you have a schedule that is easy to manage, you'll feel compelled to complete everything on it even when you're in a half-arsed mood. Applying it: Aim to keep 25-50% of your calendar free on a daily basis and produce a to-do list of no more than 10 tasks per day. So today hasn't been the best in terms of how much I could be arsed to do things. There was a lot of procrastination. However, I've still managed to produce some great results in the short time that I did put in the effort. I managed to finalise a new guitar tune, jam through 5 wedding band tunes, watch two tech lectures (each around 45-60mins), write more words to my website blog, and connect my Wii remote to Pure Data for music programming. By the way, I'm buzzing at the possibility of using the Wiimote to create electronic music! My theory is that because I've given myself less of a to-do list in terms of tasks to complete, I've psyched myself up to believe that there isn't much work that I need to do. Perhaps that's why people fail in the long run. It's not that work has to be stressfully put in for over 8hrs a day, and it's not that dozens of tasks needed to be completed every day. Rather, it's perhaps better to do fewer tasks every day. That way, you can spend more time with each task which will inevitably lead to a higher-quality result. So the "small number of high-quality tasks" approach would trump the "as many tasks as possible in the day" approach. Quality not quantity. Also by reducing the amount of tasks to be done in the day, you set yourself up for success. Whereas if you give yourself 15+ tasks to do every day, then you set yourself up for failure. Obviously, too few tasks would produce real slow results. So maybe there's a sweet spot. But it seems to have worked for me today because I've suddenly found myself simultaneously lazy and full of willpower! My success rate today was pretty high despite the less energetic vibe that I've been carrying today. Clearly, I must have found my sweet spot. Pick of the day:

Entry 181b | Feedback Loops Theory: Feedback loops might not just be a system for providing business growth, but also personal growth. Applying it: Use the concept of the feedback loop on yourself. Review everything that you do on a daily basis and let it inform your decisions for the future. I first came across the concept of the feedback loop whilst watching an iTunes U lecture under the program "How To Start A Startup." Although presented to me differently, my understanding of it is in these three parts: Take action/get results Receive feedback Evaluate and strategise So in a business context, the gist would be to make a product, receive feedback on the product, and refine or improve the product based on the feedback. And this process would loop back around constantly. Theory says that the shorter you can make the feedback loop occur, the faster your business will be able to grow. But I've been thinking recently. My personal growth has been seemingly moving very fast the last six months I've been taking it deadly seriously. Have I been feedback looping? Yes! How? By journalling of course! In my current position, I'm taking daily action to complete a set of daily goals I write out for myself. In the day, I aim to take the action and achieve the results from it. That's the first part of the feedback loop. For the next part, I give myself non-biased feedback based on my results (i.e., whether or not I completed my goals, how it feels to have completed a goal, what caused me to make mistakes). Then for the final part of the loop, I evaluate this information and use it to inform my decision-making process when I write tomorrow's to-do list. Not only is that secondary journal of mine an unbiased account of my daily routines and actions, it's also been designed (unconsciously) to be a feedback loop! That's so cool! No wonder I've been feeling so empowered after having developed this routine. What's more, it was conceived from my own mind, not through some other external educational source. That's not to sound smug or arrogant, but it just amazes me that my brain had unconsciously started a powerfully constructive routine based on little nuggets like the feedback loop that I had picked up on elsewhere. Now to actually go and implement this for tonight! (Literal feedback loops can actually produce harmonic growth too. Check out this piece below. By continuously playing back a recording of his voice back into a new recording, feedback occurs in the most beautiful way until there is no trace of the original voice left. What is left are a series of harmonic frequencies created by the room he describes.) Pick of the day:

Entry 181a | The Master List Theory: To keep track of all your long-term goals, consider creating a master list alongside your daily to-do list. Applying it: Write down all of your important long-term goals in one place where you will see it every day. This way, you can never lose track of the bigger picture when it comes to your smaller goals. My online university account (which is soon to run out) grants me free access to Lynda.com, a website featuring multiple lectures covering a range of modern topics including business, technology, marketing, and so on. I started looking at some of the content regarding time management and learned some very useful tools and techniques to manage time properly. One of these tricks was to use a "master list." This was ideal for me because recently, I've been losing sight of the bigger picture in the pursuit of the shorter-term goals. The master list is an overview of all your long-term goals in one place where you can constantly see them on a daily basis. That's it! Sounds simple enough. But the most powerful benefits come from it when you use it alongside a daily to-do lists, which feature all the short-term accomplishments that can be completed today. This was the missing link for me. I've developed a very good habit of creating daily to-do lists and I can't communicate enough how much stability and control it has given my life, not to mention the fulfilment that comes from completing everything on the list. But despite the daily lists being helpful, I'd sometimes forget what my long-term goals were. In fact, these long-term goals ought to be defining the shorter-term goals. So doesn't it make sense to have them side-by-side on a daily basis? The master list therefore provides you with the inspiration for your daily to-do lists. By planning lists alongside the master list, it guarantees that no day will pass by as being meaningless because everything in the daily to-do list will be written to serve the long-term goals. Pick of the day:

Entry 180 | Reflection Half a year later, I'm still journalling! At least now I know what half a year of serious consciousness work feels like: simultaneously long and short. Last year, I received one of the biggest revelations I could remember. It was an enlightenment experience that would be impossible to forget. It was the first time that I ever toyed with the idea that sense perceptions could be illusory and unreal. Well now, I'm only just returning to those same realisations. Mainly because it scared the shit out of me when it first came into being! But those same questions have been driving me deeper once again. The whole question is: "what would life look like if I embraced the paradigm that all sense perceptions were false?" If sight, sound, sensation, imagination, thought, and emotion were all completely illusory. What would that leave? The true self? The very "being" that existed before my birth, that will exist after my death, and exists with every day that passes in the form of sleep. There exists no time, no space, no light, no sound, no pain, no consciousness. So how could such an entity (if it could be called that) create the illusion of a human life? Why would it do that? Perhaps in order to realise and appreciate its own beauty. Perhaps it's all just clay to be played with. More practically speaking, what must I do with it? If the real "I" lurks behind everything, what purpose does this human body and mind now have? There's nothing to obtain because the Self is complete already. What can I create? What should I do? So many questions from such a wonderful state of being! As far as my practical human life is going at the minute, I seem to have been incredibly productive today. Maybe as a result of what I've described above. But also, I've cut out YouTube videos for today and already, I find myself having completed everything on my to-do list (that was possible, at least) in record time. I've got 4-5 hours left of the day to do as I please. That's a new feeling. Perhaps it's time to stop looking for how to entertain myself and start looking even deeper at what else can I create. I don't know what it is, but today has been a great day. My worries, anxieties and depression levels are non-existent. Life feels good. I'm getting shit done and realising my creative potential slowly. Let's keep it up! Pick of the day:

Entry 179 | Prejudice Theory: Admit it or not, prejudice towards other people still exists in vast amounts. If it's going to be eliminated altogether, it's got to be done one mind at a time. Applying it: If someone for your past or present seems to be in a bad or destructive condition, don't condemn them for the choices they've made. Love them just as much as yourself. Today, I met up with one of my oldest childhood friends. We haven't seen each other in a year or two. And on the surface level, we look like misfits for each other. Whilst I've been through a life-changing process at university, she's not had such a lucky life (defining 'lucky' in the material, shallow sense). She's had a reputation for causing trouble, drinking and smoking underage, getting arrested, being referred to mental hospitals, etc. Many would label her as a "scumbag" or something similar, and I've heard people speak of her with that tone of voice. But she's still my friend after all these years. And I love her. It's such a shame that she's had the upbringing that she's had. It contrasts so much to my own that it makes me want to count my blessings. But underneath the surface-level roughness of her persona, she's still a caring, well-intentioned person. I was perhaps one of the few people in school to see the flowering personality underneath it all, which is why we still talk to each other as if school happened yesterday. We had lots of fun together as youngsters because despite how drastically different our live situations look, we still have much in common with each other. And it's such a shame that so many people feel such hatred towards her. There were so many people in cars glaring at us as they drove past that it was obvious that they were judging the fuck out of us. And all we were doing was chatting on a bench. That's one thing I've remained from my childhood that I'm so proud of: the ability to hang around with and make friends with anyone and everybody regardless of their background or appearance. That mentality led to lots of pain during secondary school as I became prone to bullying. But ultimately, it's left me in the best place I could imagine. I can love everyone regardless of what they "are." Sure, I may be guilty of passing judgment on others as it's just another unconscious brain process that can't be helped. But the important thing is to dive deeper. Always deeper. Because then the shallow judgments lose their weight every time. Pick of the day:

Entry 178 | Anomalies Theory: Not every day of life is going to be perfect. But in the case of the self-actualizer, "bad" days could well be anomalies in comparison to other days. Applying it: To know if you're self-actualisation work is doing you good, consider which is more anomalous: a good day or a bad day. Yesterday was pretty appalling for my personal growth. Ate pretty badly, didn't plan anything out, didn't embrace the now, and ended up performing at a party that I didn't enjoy. On reflection, I reckon it was my attitude toward the party that caused it all. I had an incline that the music I performed would go unappreciated and unnecessary. And of course, that's exactly the scenario I created for myself. I should have thought about it more carefully and gave an "enlightened no" if I didn't want to perform, but I can be a sucker at saying "yes" too often. But that's another story. As bad as yesterday had been, though, it was what I'd call an anomaly in terms of how days typically go. That in itself is a pretty awesome milestone that I should take the time to reflect on. Not too far into my past, the story would have been the opposite. I'd kill for a "good" day to come around in my miserable existence as a teenager. But the fact that it's the other way around serves as a testament to the work that I've put in recently. Sure, I ain't perfect, but 95% of days make me feel good to be alive. Pretty good, right? The fact that I would consider "bad" days to be anomalies can now also function as reconciliation. I have developed enough self-trust and self-reliance to tell myself "Don't worry about it. This is just a rare occurrence. We can pick it up again tomorrow and get back on track." It's wonderful that I can tell myself these words, be convinced by them, and be truthful about it. Damn, does that mean I'm now able to coach myself properly? That's awesome! As of how things have gone today, I've kept my promises to myself and managed to stop wallowing in resistance like I was yesterday. Back on track! (although, wallowing in suffering can lead to some wonderful artistic moments... Check out this song. I love) Pick of the day:

Entry 177 | Play By Ear Theory: Although it's good to plan things out rigorously in your life to keep you on track, still give yourself the freedom to "play it by ear" and go where your intuition tells you to go. Applying it: Open yourself up to the voice of intuition. Notice which direction it tries to pull you in and go along with it. So in terms of what I had set out to do this morning, today has been a bit of a failure. But in terms of general productivity, things have been very fruitful indeed. I managed to cancel my Universal Credit claim (cementing my stance on becoming self-employed), recorded an improvised performance on my acoustic guitar which will be linked below, and I also had a long jam around a simple chord progression using Logic Pro as a sound source for my electric guitar. In fact, I've rekindled some of the fascination that I had as a teenager that caused me to play guitar until the wee hours of the morning (it's nearly 1am). All of that was off the cuff and "improvised" in a sense. As the kind of musician I am, improvising is definitely one of my strong points. And it's nice to carry that practice out of music and into real life. My intuition is telling me to practice even more on my craft, and even make improvisation a strong part of my music performance. Perhaps it's my gift to the world. Many musicians have graced us with wonderful compositions, but improvisation seems to be a realm of music on its own. Just as it is with music, improvisation opens you up to spontaneity in your daily life. And while planning is certainly a good thing, there's a lot of joy to be gained from taking the more fun route, driving off-road. There's also a lot to be learned. It reminded me where the majority of my time and effort should be going. The last few weeks, I've been absorbing lots of intellectual knowledge regarding self-help, business, and technology. But I was absorbing so much that I was starting to lose connection with the guitar. And thanks to today, I managed to rekindle that love and perhaps make it even stronger. Improvisation is a skill in itself. You can't blindly improvise a melody or chords, let alone a full composition, without a staggering amount of theory and practice under your belt. It'll just lead to failure. And much is the same when it comes to "playing by ear" with life. You need to have the knowledge to know the difference between your deepest intuitions and your egoic desires. And that's a knowledge that must come from within yourself as a result of theory and practice. But once you start to incorporate improvisation into everyday life, my goodness it is such a fun place to be! Pick of the day:

@schmitzy Thank you!

Entry 176 | Enjoy The Success Theory: When you create success in your life, feel free to enjoy it for as long as possible. It's not a bad thing to genuinely feel excited and elated at your own successes. Applying it: Understand the Upper Limit Problem and try to hang onto the positive energy for as long as possible. As the title might suggest, I've managed to create some success recently. I applied to become a street busker at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and managed to receive six performance slots over the two weeks! The excitement was too hard to contain as the news came to me during a meditation session. I just laughed in joy over it for the remainder of the session. And it felt really good to just maintain that joy for a long period of time without letting my mind start to worry. Thing is, there's plenty for my mind to worry about. I have no experience with busking full stop, let alone at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, it could possible open me up to rejection after rejection from passers-by, then there's the actual getting there from having performed a musical in the day time. The Facebook group for Fringe Festival street performers is filled with negativity in most cases, with some saying that it's a terrible place to earn any donations. But thanks to soaking up all the positive vibes, that stuff seems untouchable for the time being. The main thing that I keep telling myself is that I'm not just "any old" performer, or "any old" busker. It's my belief that what I do is unique and pretty damn awesome. I don't know why I've never talked about that before because it's a whole other point. There is never a day where I pick up the guitar and feel amazed at the kind of music that I produce. Self-inspiring might be the word. And it's my belief that if I can inspire myself, then others will become inspired too. Not everyone, but definitely somebody. That's what the positivity has done for me. It's eliminated worries and stresses. Although it may be harder to fend off these emotions when the actual time comes, I may be able to soften these things by remembering the joy that I received to perform in the first place. Pick of the day:

Entry 175 | The Machine Beyond The Mind Theory: If the part of consciousness that houses thoughts, emotions, and imagination can be called "the mind," then there exists a "machine" which subconsciously works for the mind to fulfil its goals and desires. This knowledge can be used to bring success, creativity and happiness. Applying it: First, directly experience the lesson to be learned. Then make the decision to feed your mind with purposeful decisions so that the 'machine' can work subconsciously on them, thereby ensuring their fulfilment. As a musician, I do lots of practice. The reason why I can go hours and hours on practicing, or indeed any given task, is because I have full faith in my ability to fulfil my goals and promises. Although this mindset has been incredibly useful to me over the course of my life, it never really dawned on me what actually happens on a subconscious level in-between the moment where I set out to accomplish a goal and the moment I achieve it. I've heard about what happens intellectually but only today have I been able to directly experience it in my own life. What it boils down to is this: the more you fill your conscious mind with goals for the future and the genuine faith that you can achieve it, the more cooperatively the subconscious mind will become in the pursuit of that goal. It seems to be the philosophy of Think And Grow Rich, the first chapter of Psycho-Cybernetics, and the whole deal with the law of attraction. However many times I've learned about this lesson intellectually, I must admit that it doesn't compare to directly experiencing it in my own life. This way, I can actually incorporate the lesson into my everyday life for good. The way I directly experienced this lesson was on reflection of my practice routine when it comes to learning something new. Whether it be learning how to play a brand new musical passage, learning how to become a faster player, or whether it be a desire to create a new piece of music, I was somehow always able to achieve what I wanted. This is happening with a new guitar composition that was conceived yesterday. At the time the ideas were conceived, I was unable to perform the music because it was too fast. But by maintaining a desire to play the music, from that moment and through sleep until today, I suddenly found myself able to perform it with little strain. During that waiting period where I maintained my desire to perform the new piece of music, I never laid a finger on the guitar. That's when I suddenly became aware of the subconscious process that was occurring which enabled me to perform. It almost feels like magic: the subconscious mind was busy finding neurological solutions to provide me with the ability to perform the music. Perhaps my biology is changing as a result of that! That's how powerful the subconscious mind really can be, then. But yeah, I'm convinced that if I just replace standard music practice with any goal-related practice, I can accomplish pretty much any goal I want. The extra knowing that I've acquired provides me with even more faith in my ability because it's not wishy-washy. This stuff is real for me. I can do this. Pick of the day:

Entry 174 | Learning and Creating, Actively and Passively Theory: Different types of learning and creating lead to different results altogether. Applying it: Figure out how many activities in your life involve "active learning" and "active creating." Consider forging a bias towards these behaviours to achieve the most desirable results. So today, I made a pretty small checklist for myself of thorough tasks to do. Three of those things involved watching online lectures (see my second journal), each of which lasted around 45mins. Despite the fact that it totals up to around 2hrs 30mins of my entire day, I managed to watch all three. This means that when I can influence myself to be arsed to do something, I will happily learn that much in a day if necessary. Although it might mean that tomorrows task list might favour the more creative side. Time will tell. A while ago, I remember learning about a concept called "passive learning" and "active learning." Although the definitions of these terms were presented to me in one way, I like to think of them as describing the energy that you bring to the task. "Passive" requires low energy (or low consciousness) and "active" meaning the opposite. This could be used to describe both learning and creating. Whilst passive learning could consist of casually watching a TV program (there are always lessons to be learned in a TV show), active learning could consist of taking notes and doing exercises whilst watching a program specifically designed for educational purposes. Likewise, whilst passive creating could involve masturbating to some porn, active creating would involve actually going out to look for somebody to have sex with and eventually doing so. I need to start a labelling game in my daily life to highlight which activities fall under which classification. If I can shift all of my efforts and focus onto the "active" spectrum, I will be able to do away with procrastination altogether (given that the fear component of procrastination can also be handled). Pick of the day:

Entry 173 | Fear Of Intuition Theory: Not every intuitive idea that you receive will seem like the best idea for your own comfort, security, and pleasure. As a result, certain fears can arise in relation to intuition. Applying it: Understand that the voice of intuition is a far more powerful voice of reasoning than logic and have faith that it will work in your favour. Damn. This is something that always happens. Whenever an intuitive idea seems to be a little out of my comfort zone, I develop a certain amount of fear towards doing it. And every time this happens, I end up going on a destructive rampage (mentally speaking) rather than biting the bullet and going for it. Given the powerful intuitive urges that rushed into my field of consciousness yesterday, the fears have developed around them and my day has ended up being pretty unproductive. Not completely, but for the most part. And it's going to sound real silly when I say that the intuitive urge I've been running from is purchasing a video camera and a few other recording bits and bobs. It's so stupid of me to even worry about such a thing. Maybe it's time to admit that I'm a bit too frugal with money. I hardly ever spend my money unless it's for food. I'm not too bothered about going on meals out, days out, nights out, etc. My money doesn't go towards these things like many other people in my neighbourhood. All I care about in life is enjoying the beauty AND just acing whatever I need to do. Right now, I know I need to spend money on this recording gear because it looks like it's going to be the last investment (in a while) that's going to contribute to my career potential. My vision is clear and I'm sure that this action step is one of the many that will get me closer. My vision also doesn't focus just on the things I want to get out of life, but I see myself producing some amazing music which will inspire people far and wide in the future. I really want to inspire people with what's possible. But in order to do that, I must follow my intuitive impulses. Pick of the day:

"The Lost Soul" Looking through some of my old computer files, I stumbled across a document with this title. It was written by myself in 2013. Around this time period, I was wallowing in deep depression over my inability to get by as a normal teenage kid (This is a teenager's writing, you have been warned). I don't even remember writing it, but the picture it paints of a frustrated teenager torn apart by his own emotions is a perfect representation of the person I once was over five years ago. I'm going to post it here to give regular readers a taster of the kind of guy I once was. The whole tone of the writing is dramatically different to the one I adopt now but it was my genuine voice at the time: lacking in love and acceptance. Even the traces of hatred is something that I would never let myself amount to in the present day. This piece of writing expresses my bitterness about a mass friend rejection (which I called "The Betrayal") that I was on the receiving end of several years earlier. This completely fucked up my psychology and caused me to feel almost suicidal. Nevertheless, it inevitably made the person I am now. I hope you find it an insightful read, as well as some more perspective about where I've come from. - Searching for Emotions My life is fucked up. Quite honestly. The Betrayal (yes, it has a title now) caused me much pain, hence leaving this battered carcass of a man to fulfil the ambitious dreams of the lost soul, Liam Johnson. He's in there somewhere amongst the mutations of his mind. He just wants to escape. His body can't perform the tasks set by him. He just wants the opportunity to flourish once again like he did many years ago, back when life was happy. As a child, impossible tasks seemed like nothing. As a child, he played in his imaginary world full of mysterious creatures and devilish traps. I guess even back then I had a sense of the misery to come in the future without even knowing it. I must have foreseen somewhere the loneliness that would follow. But I like it that way. I'm used to it. What I don't like is the fact that I lost my confidence to do what I wanted in front of people. Thanks to The Betrayal of course. Every time the lost soul inside me spots an opportunity to escape, my fucked mind just keeps it at bay hoping not to ruin the quiet. I'm too modest. That came with The Betrayal too. I want to be free. Because there is nothing more annoying when I don't speak and someone steals my idea. In class, I mean. The worst one is in music with [Person A] because he's just like "oh yeah, I've been playing in this gig... I can tell you what chord you're playing without looking" and I'm just like "shut up dude!" I've been there done that! People aren't seeing my true potential and I'm sick of it. But every time I want to change I never do it. Not ever. It depresses me more when that happens. I need people's love. That's my trouble. The teachers I have, the students I'm with... I want to be myself and not some mute with a hollow mind. I can imagine them behind my back just saying how much of a quiet and smug arsehole I am. But in my mind I know I'm not. This is why I'm fucked up. My mind thinks one thing but is contradicted by my actions. It's like I'm conscious inside another persons body. I want friends. Well I mean, I want to have the freedom to joke around with someone and share stories. Of course I have [girlfriend] and the gang but (the gang at school!) I want to be more pally with everyone. But that's the problem: I've been with people like [friend A] and [friend B] for 4 years and I've missed out on all the inside jokes and the banter. All the funny stuff. For years I've been fake laughing and pretending to be interested, although I must be convincing since they have never stopped talking. But yeah, I don't want to be lonely. At all. Me and [girlfriend] were talking about this the other day. About how friends move on and you have to Carry on. Ach! I think I've snapped out of it, I'm hearing Bonamassa in my head! That's another thing. My only [pro] that I can take from the Betrayal, but it is a good one: my extraordinary increase in musical skill. I'm proud that I have this amazing ability to "hear" music in times of silence. It's been a great comfort to me for the past four years. But sadly, it does have it's drawbacks. The main one being that I phase out into my musical paradise midway through conversations. It is definitely not a good thing in trying to rebuild my social structure again an all that. However, I'd much rather earn a living in music in honour of the fact that I can generate music from my head than trying to make friends with people who don't feel obliged to make friends with me.

Entry 172 | Passion Furnace Theory: Passion is held within consciousness like a furnace, like an explosion waiting to happen. Your job is to fuel it by throwing petrol on the fire and going full steam ahead. Applying it: Recognise the burning sensation within you called "desire" and let it fuel your actions and provide you with results. Just a quick announcement before diving into this topic. Today, I received my results for my three-year Music degree at the University of Sheffield... And he only went and got a FIRST! What a pleasing result. Three years of hard work has finally paid off with the best reward I could have hoped for. But this isn't what I want to journal about today. Something far more important than a degree has been drilled into my mind today. Namely, the unchartered territory known as the future. Today, I went to an interview as part of the Universal Claiming scheme. Whilst the interview was carried out with the best intentions, there was a powerful burning sensation within me which told me that this was a bad idea. Not only that, it felt like I was just about to commit a massive betrayal to my highest values and my goals since forever. As much as the scheme would be helpful for many other people, it seemed to me like it was trying to rush me into a job. The reality hit me hard when I got home to meditate. As I sat with myself, it hit me just how furious I was inside. The thought of being rushed into "any old" job seemed completely backwards to me. It wasn't that I was scared to commit to a job, nor was it because I wanted to sit on my ass and relax all day instead. Then it slowly dawned on me what was going on inside. My passion furnace had exploded. That voice of intuition coupled with that vision of the future was kicking and screaming to become a reality in my being. It had to escape. Today was the day that one of the most important lessons of my life had come into my existence. And it was very personal. My purpose in life is not to get comfortable in "any old" job. My purpose in life is not to just do enough labour to get by. NO. My purpose in life is to bring my music, my experience, and my teachings to the world. And yeah it sounds like such an obvious thing to say but the true lesson lies in the depth of the situation. This isn't just money and success were talking about. This is life or death. And I'm willing to bleed for that cause rather than betray myself and betray the many people in the future that my work will be able to help and support. Today, shit got real. My life purpose got real. It's time to get to work, Liam. That kickass, rockstar future isn't going to make itself. Pick of the day:

Entry 171 | Do What You Say Theory: The easiest part of changing a new habit is saying that you want to change it. The hardest part is actually changing it! Applying it: Keep track of everything that you do each day to ensure that you don't slip up or break your promises. An idea I had a few weeks ago about using a spreadsheet to mark off my "conscious hours" fell a little flat. Largely due to my inability to use a spreadsheet effectively. However, I've found a new way of making sure that I get everything I want done out of the day. By my bed, I have a wipe board and pen. Every night before I go to sleep, I write a checklist of the things I want to do the next day. It just so happens that the wipe board is an ideal size to fill up with tasks so that it's not a task overload but it's also not a minuscule amount. Having been doing these wipe board checklists for a few days, I found that my ability to make excuses for myself started to become jeopardised, which is a good thing for personal growth. But there was just one thing that prevented it from being perfect. Every day, I would wipe the tasks away and they would be forgotten about completely. There would be no way of tracking the hours I spent the previous days and there would be no way of telling if yesterday was a productive day or a lazy day. That's where the second journal comes in: Everyday Life Without the Theory: A Musician's Perspective. Can I just brag about how proud I am of that title? But it represents the true nature of the two journals: it provides the Yin to the Yang. Now I can journal everything that I say and everything that I do all in one go. All I've got to do is write in the subsidiary journal everything that I write on my wipe board. And whether I complete my tasks or not, I can document it in a non-biased manner. It's strange because this journal functioned perfectly on its own. But with the added component of cold hard facts in the other journal, the whole journaling experience just feels so much more complete and fulfilling. Pick of the day:

Couldn't find anyone who started this topic so here we go. Who have been your biggest idols through life? Those that have inspired you to strive for better, to self-actualise, to realise your true potential. What profound impact have they left on you? It'd be cool to discover more influential people to have walked this earth. E.g. My Heroes Growing Up Yngwie Malmsteen + Michael Angelo Batio - opened my eyes to what was possible on the guitar Preston Reed - inspired me to become an acoustic guitarist Michael Hedges - planted the seed for self-actualization Brooke Castillo - taught me to take control of my emotional well-being by raising awareness and acceptance Brooke Castillo + Richard Nicholls + Leo Gura - formed the foundations from which I was able to overcome anxiety and depression completely Leo Gura + Eckhart Tolle - introduced concepts of spirituality and enlightenment Tommy Emmanuel - shown me the beauty of music which has been manifested in love and joy Evelyn Glennie - proved to me that disabilities can become your biggest asset Cliff Stoll + Evelyn Glennie - inspire me to bring as much enthusiasm and passion to my work as possible

Entry 170 | Reflection Getting used to life outside of formal education is going pretty well so far. For the most part, I've been able to chill so much and do what I want. It's incredible to think that I've never really know a life outside of formal education, and yet here it is. And if I'm lucky, it's going to take up the largest bulk of my life. My mum has been helping me apply for something similar to job seeker's allowance, which has me a little concerned. Mainly because I really don't want a job for the sake of having money. I feel really strongly that the hard work that I've put into my guitar playing for 10+ years has got to serve for something. It's not a mere hobby as most others treat it. It's my calling in life. And I've received in the last week a wonderful idea that might help me to make some bucks from doing my passion. From the many concerts I've performed, it's clear to me that the best service I can provide people with on this earth is my music. Specifically, my spirit of performance. Looking at my upbringing, it's like I was born to perform. It gives me so much fulfilment in the present moment and some of the reactions I've received from my performances have been so heartfelt and sincere that they've left me in tears of joy. My passion to perform for the world grows ever stronger now and it's almost unbearable. But my biggest priority now is to build an audience for the work I do. And the best way to do that, in this modern world, is to create a solid online presence. All I need to invest my energy in now is to buy some recording equipment (camera, mics, maybe some lighting), and LOTS of time learning how to make good videos for people to enjoy and benefit from. That's the thing. I'm past fulfilling my own ego here. To fulfil that, all I have to do is pick up the guitar and play to myself. But the trouble is that I keep it to myself. I don't share nearly as much as I want to be doing. And I feel like I've learned so many valuable lessons that others could benefit from. But in order to do that, I need to show people what I've got. Most of all, I need to bite the bullet, face my fears, and shit all over them! The path to success was chosen by me a long time ago. But university (as good as it has been) has prevented me from running down that path with full steam ahead. Now is the time to start chasing those long-awaited dreams of mine. And hell, I don't know how it's gonna turn out. But one thing is for certain: I'm sure as hell going to find out! Pick of the day:

Entry 169 | Sexuality Theory: As daft as it sounds, sexuality might not be a "set in stone" characteristic for everyone. It can be prone to change. Applying it: Keep an open mind regarding sexuality just as you would with everything else with self-actualisation work. This is a topic that I've never talked about on my journal before. Mainly because it's a topic I never really bring up in everyday life (and for good reason). But it plays a massive part of my life because I'm not the "standard" heterosexual guy. I've found that my sexual orientation has been very prone to change. And given the nature of this online community and given that I've made a virtual home for my thoughts in an online journal, perhaps I can now feel comfortable about talking through this subject. My sexuality has been through lots of phases growing up. First and foremost, I believed I was heterosexual just like everybody else as a kid. Nice and "normal." Then as I grew up, I started to become convinced that I may be homosexual. In this day and age, that's also widely acceptable and nothing to be ashamed of. Then I conceded that the most logical reasoning would be that I'm bisexual, which again is becoming more widely accepted in society. But whilst I'd happily pass myself off as bisexual, it doesn't stop there. I've been through periods of asexuality, object sexuality, and auto-sexuality. Each of these aren't quite as socially accepted as LGBT, probably because they are far more unknown, and have even been passed off as "disorders" by others. Hence the reason why I've never opened up about my changing sexuality to anyone before. But the time has come to be more accepting and more open about it because it's part of my nature. It's beyond my control and no matter how many people will condemn me for being twisted and mad, I know that they will all be wrong. So I don't know how many other people out there also feel the same way. Perhaps you've had no doubt about your sexual orientation all your life. But for the people who are that way, at least now you might be aware that some of us are having to consistently reexamine their sexuality. And finally, I can be comfortable with sharing my state of not-knowing and I can be accepting of whatever orientation it happens to be at any given moment. Pick of the day:

Your cognitive style is... Intellectual Your organizational style is... Balanced Your energy style is... Ambiverted Your stress management style is... Resilient Your interpersonal style is... Collaborative Openness Imagination - about average Artistic Interests - high Emotionality - high Adventurousness - about average Intellectual Interests - high Liberalism - high Conscientiousness Self-efficacy - high Orderliness - about average Dutifulness - about average Achievement-striving - high Cautiousness - about average Extraversion Friendliness - about average Gregariousness - about average Assertiveness - high Activity level - about average Excitement-seeking - about average Cheerfulness - high Neuroticism Anxiety - low Anger - low Depression - low Self-consciousness - low Immoderation - low Vulnerability - low Agreeableness Trust - high Honesty - about average Altruism - high Cooperation - about average Modesty - about average Sympathy - high