tryingchanges

(24/03/19) Hmmm, 3 weeks on a row, am I really me? Seriously I follow doing this? That's really weird of me, last time I tried to do it, I've posted my first journal with tears on my eyes, convincing myself that I have already changed because I started a journal. Credulous! The first 2 days of the weeks I've spent them more or less studying and procrastinating, but at least I studied more than usually. As they were bank holidays I stayed at home. And Wednesday I´ve done the exam, I was very angry because I knew I could have done it better and I started asking myself whether it is worth it going to class. Right now, I am in a mood where I will only go to class when I have seminars and every statistics class (I like it). Let's see if it improves my mood. I realized too, that the universities should be a space where you can question the dogmas they are teaching ("imposing" is a too strong word), so I will study by my own. When I go to classes they are teaching me information that I don't analyze and then they give you "ppt"s with a summary of the book, so I don't get the information as I want. I've been thinking a metaphor for it, "it is like they are chewing the food and giving to you and you get bored of eating all the time the food with the same texture", so I started trying to do it by my own. I've finished "the art of learning" by Josh Waitzkin (I don't know how can I remember such a difficult surname), and now I'm trying to read "how to read a book: the classic guide to intelligent reading" by Mortimer Adler, it looks a good book, but it seems that you need a lot of time to apply all the clues they are giving you. I started reading "Man's Search for Meaning" and "Soledades de Babel" by Mario Benedetti. I don't know how much time I need to finish them because I am a slow reader, but I don't want to do it harshly. As Friday was a sunny day, I went to the mountain, and I started picking trash and a woman thanked me for doing that, and it fulfilled me, how happy can make me a simple thank you when I am doing a nonprofitable action. Then I started writing on the top of the mountain doing introspectional work. Lastly, I started meditating!!! (again), I don't know how much time I will be doing it but I will try to not pressure myself, and do it little by little. Right now I meditate 20 minutes a day. The first day, My eyes were closed, but they started vibrating, and instead of being afraid of it, I thought of thinking of what is happening to what where I can get in my mind. Kind regards, TC

Okay, So, what is this? I barely know it, but because, I am confused. I will try to make a journal about my life, my thoughts and all that stuff weekly; and I don´t know If I even will stick to this goal. But why I am doing this online? Surely, no one will read this, and if someone does it will struggle to understand my mind (I am very bad explaining things), but the thing is, if someone does it I would like feedback or correction because I don´t know the way to the top. Besides, I would like to improve my expression in English. And maybe, I can entertain someone with this crap; who knows? Firstly, I would like to present myself, I am a random guy who likes lot´s type of knowledge and tries to understand it, the problem is that I am not very intelligent or I have a lot of memory but I am very good at having ideas since I was a child. All the time I approach with a problem, I see all the variables and I approach with a solution, it sounds surrealist and utopic, but I do it lots of times. And that is my main "power". The thing is, that if I don´t know all the variables, there could be a better variable than my own one, that could have a better output, or, my option isn´t the correct one due to a fact that I don´t know. Wright know, I am studying Economy in a public university of Spain, I am on the second degree, and you might say that the university is a bullshit, but here in Spain, I only pay 1000€ per year for our social welfare, and I think that I don´t have the willpower to study by my own yet. Then, I read on my own lot´s of stuff, maybe too much, and I need to reflect what I read. It usually is about lot´s of topics, but mainly economy, politics, and sociology; what do you think about reading politics and sociology? I mean, most of that topic is like excessively flowerpower and populist, or people overcriticizing that movements and sometimes I get pissed reading that, but it´s like an addiction and as it touches my field, I read constantly, the same thing happens in Twitter. Then, the problem is that I may read an article and I can´t grasp all the potential because I lack the knowledge. It happens most of the times in physics or technological innovation but I try to understand it at least. An economical newspaper that I like a lot is Armstrong Economics, he is quite good explaining the current situation of the world. Can you tell me an unbiased newspaper or blog that speaks about interesting things? On the other side, I am practicing 2 sports, judo and climbing; in judo, I am quite good, because even if I don´t coordinate, I have very good reflexes defending myself. In climbing, I have only been doing for 3 months, and I like it, but I am struggling with my weight of 80kgs (180 lbs). I am not fat, I am quite well shaped; I am 180 cm (6 feet) tall and I may have 10% of body fat. Even if I train 6 days a week and I am at intermittent fasting, I don´t lose weight, so, I would stop eating that much (85% healthy food, 15% junk food). I justed to have a sleeping disorder when I was a child, but I sleep a lot, for the last 2 years. I checked my REM sleep and it was quite low, even if I followed most of the advises sleeping better. I think that is due to the overinformatian that I receive most of the day because in summer I read less and I am not that tired. Is that a bad thing? Should I go against my body and sleep less to try to do more things during the day? Besides, I dream a lot, I usually don´t have nightmares so I am quite happy sleeping, but I am surprised by how much I dream, and sometimes I am not dreaming but like thinking while I am sleeping and is a very weird moment because I tend to think of the problems of the world and when I woke up, I do it with the sense that I have the solution to resolve the problem but I forgot it. Maybe what happened was that it was the wrong solution but as I can´t discuss with myself while I am sleeping, I have the sense of being correct. I don´t meditate, I used to do it for 20 mins a day but, I would do it at night or in the morning when I look like more like a zombie than a person, so my thoughts start drifting to stuff. I will try to implement it after my "Spanish siesta" (20-40 mins). But when I am tired and I close my eyes, before I fall asleep sometimes I see things. It is not something paranormal; yesterday I saw as a bright dark thing with the shape of a big tarantula; I did not get scared, but when I tried to switch on my mind to grasp that thought or image or I don't know how to call it, it disappeared. 1 month ago, it happened the same, but it had the shape of a flower vase with tulips, it was quite beautiful. I am not crazy, please don´t lock me in a jail!!!! ( a joke jajajaj). My social life, it goes quite well, I am not a shy person, so that helped me meet a different kind of people, and I have a lot of acquaintances, but I usually go out with the same 5 people, most of us are quite different and we balance each other. I and another one sometimes look like all douche sometimes (I like a good scotch whiskey, a good served beer, poems, and paintings) even if I don't understand about it. That if, if I can't enjoy those things, I get neither upset nor motivated. I used to watch lots of films, but I stopped, in order to play games. I was very addicted, and I sometimes have the need to play and I play, but I stop the next day because I can't control myself. But I still watch people playing, I am like a gameyeur, it relaxes me a lot, I stop thinking about things and I try to stop watching because it's the reason I feel like I have to play. I am in the process of reducing, because if I quit doing it I have even more desires, so I am in the process. Lastly, I want to tell you how I feel; so I am not sad, it's getting harder and harder to get upset, even when I should be. But it's a pity, that I am not working as hard as I can, because I can change the world. I don't mean in an egoistic or in an overconfident way. When I talk to people they too really think I can change it, and I am not working as hard as I can to do it, and sometimes I blame myself for not doing it. That is a problem that I have, that if I read about people dying in Africa, I think whether if I would be working more I could change that. I don't know, why I am carrying over my shoulder all the problems. If someone has reached this far, I hope you will have time for a feedback jejejej, Best regards, TC PD: I have written this listening to:

Hello everybody, So, I have been all my life listening to rap music and most of it is low vibrationing. We have as an example is NF, Sik World or Eminem or 2Pac, Same happens with the art, I like "Guernica" from Pablo Picasso and it's a chaotic picture. I've been thinking and it can be because we tend to be empathic with the life of these artists that make the chaos beautiful. But does that low vibration energy spread around us if we listen to them? What do you think? I am so used to listen to them that I don't know if it helps me or not. See you. TC

17/03/019 Hello again, So, here we are on other Sunday, as I supposed, as I wanted to CHANGE again (it's funny, because my nickname here is "tryingchanges"), I started playing games again, I don't know if it was due to my way of thinking, that always I want to do a change, I get back to be like I was in the past, or other things. I have listened to "Energy awareness training" on youtube that that normal, that when you are trying to switch to a good vibes state, your negative state doesn't let you switch, but let's see what happens next week. Monday I have done the Economic development exam, and I think I have done it correctly even though I haven't study much Sunday; I think I was lucky. Then I started a course of SilverEconomy, and I have developed some ideas. The main conclusions I developed were that the microcooperatives have a lot of legal advantages and if you build it with a social purpose you will have a lot of statal aids (at least here in Basque Country). The next conclusion was that the Silver Economy businesses will be the future. On Tuesday and Wednesday, I didn't go to training due to playing videogames and I am not proud of it. In addition to this, I almost haven't studied or read anything over the whole weekend. The thing is that I have a very difficult exam on Wednesday. But I have bank holiday tomorrow and on Tuesday so I have time to study, the thing is that I have to be productive, and I will do it, I have good expectations over this week. Lastly, I dated a girl Friday and Saturday and the conversation was very superficial, but it has been the second and the third time I have dated, then it's normal for that to happen. With the previous girl I have been dating (on summer), it did not happen, and that's why I got in love with her for the first time in my life, but unfortunately, I couldn't date with her more. I think I am searching for something like that but seems impossible, maybe because, I have a preestablished thought of not finding something like that. So, I think I'm done with my second week, I hope you have a good week. See you. TC PD: I have written this listening to:

10/03/2019 So, the first week, I barely know what to write and how to organize it, so I will start throwing a bunch of random thoughts. Firstly I've been reading How to read a book (Charles Van Doren), The Art of Learning (Josh Waitzkin) and Economic Origins of Dictatorship and Democracy (D. Acemoglu); as I have not been a fanatic reader, I can't tell you if they are good or bad, you should look that in another place. I have been only taken notes about the last one, but the book did not solve my concern of how to fight the corruption, I´ve been thinking to programme like a governmental software with blockchain and Artificial Intelligence to fight against it, the problem is that the Economy is a complex system and it would be very difficult to make a good system. I have more solutions but I would be hours writing about them. Then, I don't know if I am reading the books with an open mind, I am trying to do it but then I realize I am criticizing the idea of the author. Then, a girl wants to meet with me, and I don't feel I want to do it, because I had been in love with another one since summer but as she is living far away from me, I can't be with her. So, maybe if I am with another one, I could detach of that sensation, let's see what happens. Sports, I am trying to become more conscious while I am practicing but it looks almost impossible, firstly in judo, I am with old friends training and they are trying to make jokes all the time, so I lose the concentration. In climbing, I start focusing, but when the time goes by, I start suffering and I stop. I don't feel I want to write this, because I am all the time thinking, hat would happen if someone would recognize me, I know it's stupid, but it is difficult for me to speak about this thing even with a paper, I have done it only with my head, because I am afraid my mum would see it. I am not writing really bad things, bad I don't want to let the people know this intimate part of we, you should feel proud of reading this jajajaj. Then, I have written a description about me today in this post, and it's too much writing I am not used to it. I have an exam tomorrow, I haven't studied almost anything, now I will start doing it, I think, I started writing here to postpone the studying. I only need 2 hours to make a good exam, but I don't know, maybe I am afraid of studying because I like the topic. If I follow writing, I swear I will improve, but I think, for this week is more than enough, see you. TC

I have listened the idea that if you are get a lot of ideas around the day, you will get less focused in the other actions. My question is: Should I listen music while I am walking down the street? and should I watch youtube videos of self development while I am eating?

I think I am lucky, I have found my life purpose this year with 17 years old.