BjarkeT

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Everything posted by BjarkeT

  1. Why is it bad to do something competitive? Doesn't it in a way help one to become good at what you do?(which is a requirement to have passion/life purpose at least from cal newports perspective)
  2. @Thanatos13 so you should just stop doing anything? Also I didn't claim anything to be true i just suggested what I thought would be best to do (regardless if it's meant to be) and I don't believe in meant to be
  3. But even if its meant to happen you can still decide on how you are going to act on it and take 100% responsibility i would say it's better to at least try instead of giving up before getting started
  4. "The illusory truth effect (also known as the validity effect, truth effect or the reiteration effect) is the tendency to believe information to be correct after repeated exposure" (from wikipedia) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illusory_truth_effect i think this could be a trap in personal development and it may be useful to know what to do about it and how to know if one self is exposed to this so you know the ideas you have are more likely to be actual truth and not the illusory truth would be really interesting
  5. Not really sure maybe you could read about gurus who have already achive what you are looking for in the past and read about those that way you could learn from them and gain insights from further down the path you want to go if you want to know why they are famous my best guess is it's because they where too good to be ignored at rare and valuable skills in what they did (also a book by cal newport so good they can't ignore you)
  6. not easy at all and can take some time to pratice but it's extremely effective but it's not likely there exists a magic video there may be one giving you the advice you need but you still have to take the action to get there
  7. thats not true i have been emotional authentic before and i haven't got any warnings or banned from the website
  8. i don't think so it seems like something that could be very useful
  9. alternative you could create a facebook group just for this purpose if leo allows it
  10. I recommend reading cal newports so good they can't ignore you he argues that every path that seems interesting should be equally rewarding so if both are interesting to you either way you won't end up in a bad way (but it may be best to stick with one it may help to be radical honest to decide which one it is)
  11. I am still pratice it after a while it may take some time to get there but I would say it's worth it
  12. best thing i know of basically he talks about fully feel every single emotion with zero resistance while being at the present moment 24/7 (not in imagination but in right this moment) and the reason why one suffers is because one resists emotions if negative emotions eventual takes too much energy from you could try deep relaxing (may have rembered the name wrong) it's basically really focusing on your body and feeling where you are tense and then taking deep breaths and make your self calm while trying to completely relax your body(and mind) so you aren't tense any places and keep taking deep breaths untill you feel fully relaxed https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm this may also be a solution but it may take longer than the others but still very useful he talks about finding the root causes (it may be a long thread) for your problems and then solving it from there
  13. Deep work by cal newport helped me how to approach my work most effectively so good they can't ignore you by cal newport helped me to get clarification on what to focus on to get passion and was like an inside look of how great people became great at what they did (same with peak performance by anderson erickson and deep work) The road less traveled by scott m peck a long with some videos from leo helped me in a way to relise that to achieve your goals one must take intense massive action (giving your full willpower/attention) taking a little action here and there and not using all your will power on it won't get you very far if you continue doing it that way it's better to really go all in at least that what i found from experience (even if you face challenges otherwise it's likely you will make little progress or the kind of progress you want to make)
  14. some of the things I can think of at the moment would probably be to solve problems permanently or try to deliberately practice your conversation skills(you could, for example, doing a specific exercise, for example, only practicing introducing your self to others or a specific part of conversations where you would normally get stuck) maybe there is some good books here that could be useful hope you can use it good luck https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/conversation-skills
  15. maybe try to talk to strangers more often and see if you can make friends that way or think of as many ways as possible you can be social(think about what an extrovert would do for example) maybe after thinking about it a bit my self before I have found its pretty easy to come up with ideas to be social but not always as easy as doing it in practice maybe optimize your social schedule as much as you think you can manage maybe also try to stretch more and more over time how much you are social it may help getting friends more frequently
  16. performing/composing music because i was very inspired very young and wanted to try it two others i have chosen is personal development to improve my personal life learning how to learn to be able to learn things faster and more effectively
  17. i would say just get good at something interesting and meaning full if you go with cal newports approach (he argues that any path that seems interesting should be equally rewarding or at least something similar)
  18. @cirkussmile why not? isn't knowing who you are and the question he is asking unrelated?(i mean he could figure out who he is if he doesn't already and still not know the answer to the question) you could know who you are but that doesn't mean you have the answer for all questions you can think of that actually impossible it would mean you never could know who you are because there is an infinite amount of questions you can ask you can even ask questions about questions you already asked
  19. sorry but how is figuring out who you are answer the question? how do you know he doesn't know who he is?
  20. i think it comes down to how the study is done if you look at how they figured it out then its very likely you will get the answer (sometimes there are a research paper going into details in how they figured it out) for example if i remember right with grit i haven't looked into the study in details but they studied a lot of people in different situations and then probably analyzed it and what they found was that those who had more grit turn out to be more successful than those who didn't those who didn't have as much grit wasn't able to succeed difficult challenges
  21. @cirkussmilesorry but how is that going to help someone who has suicidal thoughts? @Thanatos13 i really hope everything turns out well related to the purpose there is actually done research on if there is a purpose but it depends one which on you mean as it can have serval meanings, for example, something called pre-existing purpose(all you need to do is find your purpose then you will be happy) vs craft man mindset (getting really good at something meaningful is what give you purpose/passion) cal newport argues that the idea of a pre exsisting one in most cases doesn't exist and one who goes with the craft man mindset is morelikely to have passion about what they do credits goes to cal newport from so good they can't ignore you
  22. Maybe you could do it through books you don't really have to interact with any one if you don't want to and you can still share great knowlegde usually getting good at ones life purpose doesn't require to interact with people as to getting good comes from working on your craft (example if it's being a writer the skills you need to write a good book) so i would say that life purpose and people skills are two different things in case you haven't watched them i hope these can be useful maybe it would be a good idea to get a coach where you can talk about what's preventing you and find a good solution
  23. may be helpful but nothing is really gonna chance unless you take action on it you could keep posting on the forums about this but it won't make a difference unless you take action I don't recommend to do a cold approach it's better to be authentic than something that's not you if that's the case there are some consequences of not being authentic (for example one of the things could be that the things you do never really will feel authentic) it may also have some consequences later in the relationship if they thought you where a cold kinda guy but it turns out later a completely different guy maybe some of the key things I can think of from past experience or from being around others is at the beginning see if you can either make her interested in you or fall in love with you literally the first time you meet (it helps to make her laugh) and it may help to figure out how it works to have one relationship for a long (or longer) period of time (but it's important that you aren't being manipulative) Maybe some things that can help is that I have heard that it can be useful to be around friends to look more attractive it may also help to be around her frequently as long as it isn't in a needy way but to spend *quality time* with her and if one spend to much time away from her it may become like a long distance relationship something else may be to really try to get a big picture understanding of how relationships/dating etc. works and then deliberately practice it(it may help to think of the things you think may have the biggest value or make the biggest positive difference and then research more about it or alternatively try to observe what others do and then try to think about what made them successful and then research more about it) I personally think that the quality of practice is more important than quantity of practice it may help to think about how you can improve the quality of your practice(so you gain quicker results in less time) at least this is true when people studied virtuoso musicians something separate is that I don't recommend doing a lot of different things it may be best to stick with one thing and then get really good at it(I recommend so good they can't ignore you from Cal Newport for more details) it may also help with a dating coach if you can find someone I am not sure if trip advice is one but I highly recommend him if he is (the left guy in the video above) i am sure that it could work to find someone through hobbies etc. but it may give you an advantage if you both have the same interest(in case you haven't already tried it this way) I don't see why not i hope it was help full
  24. May be relevant i think its an interesting video