Alex bAlex

@Anna1 Thank you for your reply. Sure I was going to call the police a couple of times but if I was going to do it, this lady would go into her house and I had to deal with the police, wasting their time and mine. But I should take this in consideration for next time, as in this situation I put myself in a awkward/ dangerous (legally speaking) position.

Hello peeps ? Wondering what is your first memory, when you become conscious. Was it at 3 years or 6 years old? What were you doing? I remember taking a bath, siting on my mom's belly and looking over her shoulder I saw my father coming home from work and say hi. Also I felt good in water and exploring my mom body's anatomy I was stopped and the show stopped. I guess I was three years old or so. Now it's your turn

That's a bit airy-fairy, but hey, I have to keep a radically open mind :))

So I stopped with a break- Well, overall the microdosing rapport- -very focused and in the moment -increased visual "vividness" -calm and contempt - lots of pacifiers (like touching the face, walking my hand through my head and touching the top of the head) -increase awareness -nausea (sometimes) Now sure, there is more than what I described here but, I am not a very good tester at the moment due to a lack of clean diet, coffee and modafinil usage, uneven sleeping patterns, gaps in meditation. Still, I can see the huge potential of microdosing

I am following up this method. So 20 ml of vodka,80 ml of distilled water and 1 tab of acid (the tab might be 200-250 but my source cannot be trusted and it's not very easy to measure up the acid) I just ingested 10 ml after I left the flask in the fridge for 2 hours. Prior ingestion I had a breakfast and 5 miles run plus about 1 litre of water/fruit tea. Oilfish omega 3 ,b12 complex, vegan multivitamin and minerals, ginkgo biloba, and 5htp. Now I am having fries with veg sausage and salad. Fingers crossed ?

Day 9 Break !

Day 8 -observe Mmm... No coffee stimulation today and so far I still feel focused and calm. I noticed and increase in my speed while driving but that has many factors involved like getting accustomed with the streets,time of the day, traffic and yeah microdosing. Although I am pressing the peddal a bit I don't do it wrecklessly but feeling in the zone. No meditation or exercise today as being short on time.

Day 7 Waking up with a head and chest full of sickness stickyness? Got the 10 ml shot and went for a run m only 3 miles as it started to rain and thought of not getting my health even worse. Following run I went to a sauna to clean up my chest, and I meditate a bit over there as it wasn't busy. And then I got out and boy....wwoooww I had a look over the park at sunset just after a heavy rain and felt like heaven. Later on I went to fill up my car and waiting there at the pump and watching the sky I felt so alive that after I paid and got inside the car I just scream of joy and happiness like yeeeeahhhh!!! There are some bits and pieces like cooking my breakfast after fueling up,it took more mental concentration and I felt a bit clumsy. But overall I can feel the energy and awakeness sort of being on coffee but without any jitters or tensions. Peaceful! Yeeeeahhhh

@Kazman thank you for sharing this with us. I find it very helpful, getting ready for the ego death (although is subjective) ?

Day 6 Break and sick so not much to report except- after 3 miles run I started to feel that I am going crazy again. I felt elated, joyful,angry sad and lonely and very happy in the same moment. I started to roar out loud that some people turned around to check if I'm ok. I'm losing it? Edit There's nothing to lose dum dum. Maybe just to break out the veil set on your mind ?

Day 4 went well, felt in the zone a couple of times but towards 2 am I went home and eat and went to bed not before having a pot of green tea. Ah ,at one point I had so many thoughts in my head that I said that I will get schizophrenic or die soon due to a mental health. DAY 5 - observing- not too much to observe. I'm sick and still managed to do English lessons and the toastmasters speech. Still,I ran 2 miles and meditation 47 minutes. I just had a bit of weed and looking to rest. Sorry

Day 4- 10 ml at 1:30 PM Now 4:15 Waking up with a sick feeling in my throat and a bit of dizziness. I had an unsettled day 3 due to some emotional upheaval but that's more in my journal -My Wall Meditation -1 hour very smooth (or without the need to finish it), omega3, b12, MV, gingko. I feel very unsettle and no nausea at the moment but the throat aches. I had to get ready to host a meeting and that fired me up and causing me to be unsettled. Probably this sickness is just an ego defence mechanism, I keep shaking now and then although I ingested no stimulants, Probably just stressed out. It's the first time when I host a meeting and I am a bit frightened. However, I got good ideas on how to lead the discussion and whatever I thought for more than 2 months to put it on paper, I have done it now in less than 1 hour and a half. LSD?- could be!

Day 3- break. (From microdosing) In spite of being dead tiered when I went to bed and feeling like I have a shallow sleep, I woke up without alarm after 6 hours, rested, energised and went straight to run. Maybe 2 cups of coffee on top of 1/2 armodafinil helped as well. Maybe I am doing alright on coffee. In the same situation without coffee you wouldn't wake me up for at least 9 to 11 hours. Good to keep track of it.

Is there ever an escape from such a thing (I know-death!) ? What I mean is that after your awareness increase there will be an ego backlash. So in order to prevent it you have to "guard" yourself with awareness 24/7 making it neurotic. If I want to relax at any moment I'll be afraid that I will end up at the square one and it's just a waste of time.

Sleeping was a bit weird. Went straight into a deep sleep for two hours and wake up to take a colleague downtown and sort out the bank. I woke up at the first alarm, more alerted but full of energy. Went back to bed after 1 hour(10 am) and felt like just sitting there for 5 hours unable to sleep. Nonetheless, by 2:30 PM I woke up naturally and full of energy. I had some vivid dreams that I cannot recollect so much only that I had a puncture and there was a huge guy (over 2,2 meters) trying to get in/out a door. Today, I had omega 3 fish oil, b12, multivit, gingo, 5htp, l-theanine, and half pill of armodafinil 150. No running or meditation today (no meditation since Friday?). 1 hour on the road and I start being mad- the car hoover is out of order, the jet wash is occupied, go and find another car hoover which is out of order then return to the original garage to wait for the jet wash, only now there is another car in the queue...aggghhhh. At this moment I realise how much time I waste just because I didn't have the patience to wait five minutes more and how much pain/ stress I create myself. Sure, armodafinil helped to make me impatient.

So after 10 hours... Driving was good,even better I could say. I didn't "shake" or make hasty and jerky manuvers but drive more smoothly especially at the turnings. On coffee or modafinil I felt like on a mission all the time, either get from a to b in 3 seconds or a bee dies ?. Stomach was a bit achy after 4-5 hours and the nausea went in and off. Not a big nausea like in the case with one tab but still,was there. Not so much water since 9 hours ago,only 500 ml. I feel that sometime there is like a protective membrane all over me covering me (other than clothes) So, a good experience so far, no zone out, kept me awake, although I had only 4 hours of sleep yesterday, and gave me some positive vibes.

After two hours I get a bit of nausea and some relaxing-heating feeling. The rest is normal, driving abilities unchanged. The nausea felling start to fade away.

@Rahul yadav Thank you very much!

® One of my favourite Romanian song and a great delivery from Tandarica on drums. ?

I tried Google podcast, and two versions of castbox. The orange castbox worked in the past but it had times when again was crushing while listening to actualized.org It seems that Leo has a bias towards IOS podcast

Hey, @Leo GuraI tried and download 3 different apps from play store to play actualized.org episodes but none of them works. I have tried all sorts of things like download the episodes, uninstall and reinstall the app, streaming but none worked (beside streaming for 17 min). It says something like "the current episode cannot be played due to a broken source" and displaying the message "unknown error" This happened only on actualized.org podcast. The other ones are running ok. Running Android 10 on Pixel 3.

I have heard an interesting point of view about the booming of scientific innovation during the 18,and 19 centuries (I might be a bit off), and that was that the thing that helped genius minds was switching from booze to coffee and tea. I played a bit with coffee in the last period but the only noticeable effect was getting depressed when I was not consuming coffee. And my mind was constantly craving coffee making me loosing time and money. What's your pov? Does coffee work for you and your creativity?