Alex bAlex

Well, I thought about it for a while and I find out that I cannot have an opinion without judging. For an opinion to exist you must have judgment. Now I tend to label as Judging all the negative opinions that I have about a thing/peson/ experience and label as opinion positive/neutral thoughts. When I caught myself Judging I remind myself to stop do it (because comparing yourself with whom you've been and related to your old friends/people and aspects of your life, give your ego a sense of superiority). Will this lead to a lack of opinions? @Leo Gura You said that you have to be opinionated so how can I when I? It's paradox?

Hi, I am doing 5 min of concentration (the 5th week) followed by one hour of do nothing meditation (3rd month). In order to do Kriya should I drop my meditation practice or should I start with Kriya (20,30,40 minutes) then sit still in meditation till 1-hour alarm goes off? Also, some Kryia exercises are timewise (10 min x then 20 min y ). in this case, how should I proceed with keeping track of time? I'm usually doing my 5 min concentration then set the alarm for 1 hour and sit. To keep setting the alarm for 10- 20-30 min and then shut it off will disturb my practice so I need some advice here. To do have my daily practice plus Kriya is not a possible timewise. Thank you!

Reading through your lines reminds me of the same issues and moments of despair but also about that bliss that you feel during the day when you're just happy because you are. I like the fact you've got the balls and get out by yourself and do pick up and went into the bar. This made me laugh my ass off :)) That it's a guilty pleasure and is very difficult to get off it. It's an addiction. The only reason I do not eat dark anymore because the shop across the street has stopped to provide it. Trying to get off the refined sugar 100% is difficult but not impossible. Anyway, nice writing (feeling like we're in the same boat) and keep up the good work!

Greetings, I have three situations that happened to me this week to share with you. Also, I would like to know if anyone went through this. The first one may not be so related to the other but still... No. 1 I'm in the city centre looking for English courses and I keep collecting flyers and ask different schools about their offers and time table to know which can accommodate best my night time working schedule. So I enter the last school. Go up the first floor, I see sing for reception and I open the door. Nobody at the front desk so I look to my right, I see the cleaner walking into a corner and pass her I notice a girl with her face looking into a computer screen. This girl I have met her before twice at a MeetUP gathering (several times a month this group meet for drinks and or other social events). This girl is also from Romania and while I had a little chat with her at the meet-up group I remember that she said something like "I had finished a master degree in English ...(too noisy in the pub and couldn't grasp so much)". I had in plan to ask her about some English Courses at the next MeetUP. And now here she is. BUT. What is my reaction? I Immediately TURN AROUND AND FACE THE EXIT. At this point, the lady who does the cleaning says "no, no, come back is open..." And I was...oh FUCK... Sure I had a very pleasant conversation with this girl who was cheerful when she saw me and she explained me all the bits and pieces, gave me her email address and I find out that her school classes fit perfectly with my schedule. So I will join her school pass mid-March. What I am bewildered about is that instinctual reaction. Why did I choose to fly? Why I am afraid of people? I do not have any attraction about this girl as she's not my type. Let's move on No 2 I am at work and at the midnight break I went into the canteen to warm up my food into the microwave and take it back in my cab to eat. This is a new working site for this company and for me. Although there is a table to accommodate 8 people I feel more at ease to eat by myself in my cab. Anyway, I am waiting to pick up my food, the guys at the table crack some truck driver jokes between them and another one is checking a draw for some cutlery. He said " Ahhh... dammit, someone already stole all the forks? Who the fuck steals all the forks? I bet is you, young lad! (pointing to me -this was my second time when I was there and I knew none of those guys ). First I freeze, then I got the joke, I smiled, and I .....I say something stupid (more mumbling) like "Yeah to re-seal them to you, half priced" ... and freeze. At this point, all I could fell was a big void in my head. I was desperately looking for a smart reply or any other reply but all I could feel was void. Nonetheless, I took my food, went out and on my way to my cab all sorts of scenarios and what to say came into my mind and even making me laugh. But still, I have that image of me freezing when accusations are pointed to me, especially in a humorous situation. Probably because in childhood I was a constant victim as I couldn't defend myself very much, neither physically nor with arguments. So if I was named in relations with some troubles I knew that I have to pay for it, not even having the second thought to prove it's not me as this was dismissed very quick. No 3. Two hours ago coming back from work. I park my bike in the back of the house and walk around the house building to the front door. When I got into the main path walk to turn right to my house, I got a little jump from a dog. It's 5 am and dark over here and didn't expect someone to walk his dog at this early hour. Anyhow. I greet the lad " Good morning", he replied the same and the dog stops. It looks at me. I bent to touch him but the dog steps back. The owner says "he he nosy" and I said "hehe" Then we walk next to each other for another 10-15 yards without saying anything. I try to come out with something but I automatically turn to my house door and get in. While I close the door I remember that I had a similar dog in care 18 years ago ( for 4 months) so I could mention that or try more to cuddle the dog or ask if it is a male or female, age, anything. But again I felt that gigantic void. It feels like the brain freezes for ages. Also, I get this with the colleagues at work. I do the minimum talking with them, considering that I do not have what to discuss with them- they're not into personal development and shit chit chat and gossiping are not my favourite subjects-. Moreover, those are just a few situations of social awkwardness but even when I am at the grocery store that I am visiting for more than a year and a half and see the same cashiers, I cannot pass over "hello, thank you, have a nice day". Still while walking outside the store all kind of scenarios and possible remarks comes into my mind. But when I am in front of the clerk desk I am frozen. And other countless situations follow the same path. Doing the minimal talk. Still, I am going to these Meetup gatherings (once a month due to my schedule) but even there, I am exchanging pleasantries and then get quite bored. Many of my friends say that I am boring. All I know is that if it's no practicality in what I am talking in a conversation, I quickly dismiss it. WTF TO DO? How to break this layer. Why nothing good comes out of my mouth when I need it most? So far I plan to take some English classes and join a toastmaster group later this year. I hope this will work. Also, I am working unsocial hours and this has a huge detrimental in my conversation skills.

Portsmouth, Hampshire, England

I'm working as a lorry driver on nights shifts. The problems are that the shifts vary each week starting between 5 pm and 7 pm. Then 50 yards from my house it's a construction site which from the last summer keep knocking, banging and shake my bed while I'm trying to sleep on the daytime. Also I do not consume coffee or caffeine. So far I get used with the noise and many of the disturbances but there are days when I get only 2-3 hours of sleep. Thank you for your advice @Michael569and I am looking forward try L-theanine. @CharlotteMy company wants to make sure that the divers do not take any unprescribed medication. Still I'm thinking that someone showed off high at work and create all this disturbance in the company. 90% of our worries are just that - worries ☺

This is a more accurate way to describe what I meant. Sure I have lots of work to do in correcting myself and the way I think but sometimes I feel like I hit dead ends and get frustrated then lash out words that I should not say. Moreover this leads to closing myself more and more to the point of say nothing - stay safe. Need to go out and socialise more ? Thanks all

@aurumSorry, spreading conspiracy theory never was my purpose. Probably this came out more from my scepticism and the lack of self-trust. When I look around I see only fake people and manipulation thereof my hasty conclusion.

I could read a post but when I was trying to write post the site crash. This was on chrome windows 7. At the same time I was able to access it from android-> chrome but the same problem( I could read a post or two). When the forum or site crash on one device, would start function on the other so I could type quickly something in my daily journal I found out that it crushed after 2-3 page load.

Reminder: the opinion/judging issue Modafinil 200 too much try only 100 Reorganize the journal. Late again? still achieved few targets today. more about all this over the weekend. ^^^^The forum and the websites has technical issues/ page crash^^^

Here is what I achieved in one year and a half of self development : Meditation habit 1hour Give up smoking after 9years Give up weed after 5 years Give up coke after 3 years Give up alcohol Running on a weekly basis at least twice a week Joing yoga class Switch to a plant based diet cold turkey (ha ha) No fap for 4 months and 28 days Daily cold shower for 7 months Rise of awareness Develop a reading habit Listening over 120 audiobooks Break free from my "friends" Learn to live alone and to enjoy it. Quit Facebook, and Instagram and other social media (except YouTube) Cut off the news and television But all this come with a cost. And every time I gain something, ai loose something else. It's all a zero sum game. Its all worth the effort in the end? Yeah I know that Leo says it is worth it but Leo sort out his problems and financial independence before get on the enlightenment path. I feel like I received a silver plate and a silver cutlery and be asked to eat. Yah, might look nice but the plate is empty. I have to put food on it. My trips are getting only darker and darker. I tried different ways, with lights on, off, daytime, night time, music, silence but every time I me I feel only pain and something is blowing my head. Have a strong feeling of dying and panic. I feel like I want to live on £1 pizza and a bottle of coke so I may be able to save money. I'm ashamed of who I am at 28. All my friends, colleagues, and neighbours get married, travelling around the world and bring their parents in visit to foreign countries and I... I have £4000 in debt and £100 in savings after 4 years of working in the UK. Everything becomes darker and darker ?

Tame your elephant and watch your decision taking. You're acting on impulses and you have to calm down and do more research. This doesn't mean you have to be lazy and sleep 10 hours like you did today. Anyway, feel fresh and full of energy after the routine. Gotta go! Cius

Can't get to the next Vippasana. My manager doesn't allow holidays in the Easter period. I'll keep an eye on it for the future retreats.

A bit confused now about my next action step. Should I risk or not. How much should I risk? Better to calm down and take a pen and paper and run some numbers then decide. Also, do a fucking meal plan for a week at least. You try to do that for one year so if you take the next step, the meal plan(food prep in advance) is mandatory as the time will be very short. Dream: I find my boots on the way home. Someone used them recently and drop them. I have a closer look at them and I notice that they're one size smaller. Someone stole my boots! -I wake up.

Subtle adjustments to your vision bring big changes into your mood. Don't forget to plan often and analyse. Keep researching!

Got my mood suddenly elevated when I start restructuring my plan and vision. Feel well and life is nice :)) although I'm tested on my new daily parctice. I almost miss to write in the journal, to run and cook due to oversleeping. But know I've got new plans and new forces. Attack!!! ? ? ? ? ? :))

Hmm... Well, It's the 7th day of no fap, still doing alright besides a few sweet dreams and also the 7th day of continuous exercise. I'm running only 3.2 miles at the moment due to a knee pain which comes on and off. 7th day of cold showers and hope to keep this up. And none the last 7th day of journaling Just visiting my friends and had a little chat with them. I feel trapped in my workplace living paycheck to paycheck, with a monthly rent of savings. This drives me crazy. My plan to get out of my job is to... it's a bit complicated but involve a loan. Between £20k and 34k. Now my buddy says that he's pretty well, doing business with real estate, doesn't have to work anymore and plan to visit Las Vegas next year. I'm happy for him. Really, because I know that this guy worked hard and stepped over anything and everything and swallow lots of shit to get where he is now. I am kind of jealous of him. And I've been in a depression for a bit. Until I got home and checking on the forum I saw Leo's video -Fake Growth vs Real Growth- and many issues made sense in my head then. I split from these guys from a reason. Toxic environment. As I sat there and talk with them for about two hours I notice a lot due to their body language and habits. I was able to sit there and had a discussion, with my mind clear, without the need for a cigarette, coke, or alcohol while they could not sit still and look into my eyes for more than 2 min. Moreover, this guy made some allusion that he needs someone to help him with his real estate because he has so much work to do and cannot take care of them. Sounds attractive, I could learn some skills and real estate and make some money but at which cost. I work my ass to untangle from a toxic relationship and stay away from drugs and shady people for a reason. I want to grow myself and to work towards a better future, eventually gain the British Passport. This guys business modus operandi is a handshake. I know well that he had some issues with the law and he is living his life on the edge and risking all. At this point, I am asking myself if I really go anywhere. Cool, I am off of drugs and alcohol, shady people and toxic environments but on the other side, I am struggling financially, socially, etc. Him, with all the risk, drugs and adventures is getting the financial freedom. and it's proving me it's' working. But I am stronger. I learn from the past. too many fucked up episodes with this guy to trust him anymore. He's acting just like a stage snake, that when the snake is under influence he'll be calm and swirls around you, but when awake will bite you very hard. I learned his tactics in 3 years of living together. I just went back to have a chat with them because in a way I miss them and I have nobody else to ask for opinions concerning my career. But I understand that I have to be more confident and not get lost in analysis paralysis. Time is precious, use wisely (paradoxical for a thing which doesn't exist)

I was working as a driver/labour for a scaffolding company in 2016 when I noticed that after 10 hours a day of hard working, loading and unloading the truck with materials, helping my colleagues to mount/ dismount scaffold, I was getting home and instead of having a shower and eat I was get glued on the Facebook. Sometimes for 2-3 hours even though I was scrolling on Facebook hourly or whenever I had the chance. So I took the radical solution and closed my account. Well wasn't easy. In the beginning, you have a big fear of missing out, but I was determined and I succeed. After about 5 months, time which I was sneak-peak for a minute or two activating my account and deactivating thereafter, I succeed to untangle myself from social media. Sure I had the Instagram account but I used very rarely. In time I learn to pay attention to the information intake so I was mute the radio or the TV (while visiting friends as I do not have a TV) when the advertising break was on, stop watching funny cats or "omg you won't believe" videos and stop listening to mainstream/pop music. It's February 2018 and at this point, I start to spend more time on Instagram, so I shut it down. All I've got is the BBC news app which I was using it often to get the daily news. But in March 2018 I decided to delete the app and free myself from news intake. I do not read newspapers or listen/watch news programs except when I am in public places and there are monitors running the breaking news!!! All this last till November when I installed the suggested Google News app to catch up with the world. Still using it very shallow. How was for 6 months without news? Quiet. Very quiet, and peaceful, no stress, no Brexit, no nothing. I was shocked when, in August I think, I saw Trump meeting Kim Jong-un news on a screen at the central bus station. I felt left behind. I am aware of all the shit garbage of the mass media throw at you daily and make you feel sad and guilty and worried all the time. But on the other hand, I realise that going out and socialising, talking to friends and even doing small talk with strangers you have to be connected with the latest information. What are your sources of information and how to pick and choose the right ones? Is CNN a credible source or they post fake news(keep seeing Trump accusing CNN of faking news)? At the moment I am scrolling daily for few seconds through Google news to see the headlines but it's all about BREXIT, Trump and who got killed by who. I noticed that The Financial Times charge you a pretty nice sum for their articles. Is that Justified?

@universeI agree but my question is where to find a reliable source of information?

Car Poster Dog Faust Click

Almost missed out my daily practice and the haircut appointment. Have to work more on time management. Had some nasty dreams of searching and then running while I was chased by various guys on motorbikes or with jeeps. Action take place in a combination of new/unfamiliar place but ends up in my primary school yard. Also strong need to fap in sleep. This happened twice, first time with a friend(girl) of mine in a familiar place, hidding from someone, then the second time was with a girl from the gang that start to chase me. I was exerting superpower but not aware at the moment of dreaming. I am noticing that just starting to jot down part of my dreams, more and more is unfolding. Cool ?

Just wake up and after mediation I am ready to go for the daily run. But there are 0 degrees Celsius outside. This make me think twice. But I just have to do it. No over thinking. I got stuck for more than a week with a song from saragoza band- agadou or something like that. I keep hear and sing it in my dreams and at different times on the day. What sign could that be. Talking of singing, I had a weird dream(all dreams are wierd due to lack of understanding) that I was on a beach and looking for the sky jet banana boat. Then I propose to my old house colleague to go swim and have a barbecue with some girls. There were tall houses on that beach and all the shore is full of rocky sand. Freudian dream? Anyway, got to go and get ready :run shower eat work. ??

23:44 and I almost missed the today's journaling session. Had a busy day cooking and then shopping. Slept only 4 hours and a half, done the concentration and meditation practice (2+60min), 3.2 miles of running with a painful knee due to my last day's adventure tripping in the park, cold shower, fast meal and bike 3.2 miles to work. Wondering where to fit the journal. At the beginning of the day or at the end? Before meditation or after running? Still have to work this out next days.

I'm facing the east as well. I think I am doing because the sun rises from the east... It came more like an automated response than being taught by someone to do this. In yoga the sun salutations are executed facing the sun, the altars in churches are on the direction of the sunrise... *** If we face East when we meditate, we receive these currents. They help us to attain inner enlightenment. Facing East, he adds, also helps us “to relax energy from the muscles and send it into the brain https://www.ananda.org/ask/face-east-meditation/

Having a run and listen to an audiobook I had a realisation that with all that I do not remember word by word what I am reading or listen, the books have an impact on the way I thinking. So far I read and listened to a few books on finance and economy to make sense of my financial situation and how to get out of it. I was quietly disappointed for a while due to the lack of reproducing what I am learning. But I was remembering tonight bits and pieces on the fact that I have to be frugal, and I have to cultivate a budget, keep a journal, etc.... Looking back on my behaviour just 8 months ago I use to spend £8-10 a day on food and munchies. Because I have to drive 3 hours up to Birmingham and 3 hours back to Portsmouth, I use to eat a lot. I notice that became an addiction and so the fact to run to the shop and spend my money. Nowadays I pay more attention and I stopped snaking while I am driving. I look carefully to not spend more than £3 or even to spend at all. So yes the books make the change even if you have the feeling that you do not understand it at some point.