puporing

@Preety_India Okay. I understand. I was actually thinking about that, where you could go somewhere during the day and not have to see her for the most part except to get your food and sleeping over. Once you get better from Covid that is. Support groups sound like a great place to start, where hopefully you can meet healthier/nonviolent people. Are there many public spaces in India like libraries? What about schools? I know that attending costs money. I have no idea how it works there, but hypothetically I wonder if it's possible to study on a casual basis and just so you have access to the space at all times. The situation in India sounds horrible to me and I imagine there are many people like yourself as a result. I know even in Japan though surprisingly has a growing homeless youth problem caused by their family of origin for the most part and a very unsupportive social system. Well in any case, feel free to dm me if your situation changes and you feel like a fundraiser could really help you with your goals. Would be happy to help organize a post on that (unless Leo tells me this is not allowed on here).

@Preety_India That sounds just extremely tough... I understand what you mean by making the best decision with what you have. I just feel like even the risk of what you described so far outweighs how much damage your mom is creating. Your health probably will have a hard time recovering with her around and constantly in high stress. But I understand the aloneness. I too have moved out without support at one point but I'm in Canada which may have been alot better (still had some shitty things to deal with). And I don't know what the work situation is like where you are. I've had to put up with some not great work to start. All in all there's probably not going to be an optimal solution here but you can make steps towards it. The psychological hole and turmoil in the aftermath will take much longer to heal but it has to start some place. I still think this community could help you out somehow. Having some money will give you more options. And when you say a decent place to rent cost money, how much are you talking about? It may not be as much for people overseas so we could probably easily make a successful fundraiser to get you going.

Need to start a GoFundMe for her.

Matt Kahn is great to listen to on this.

yup lol.

Yes but some people (men or women) are into 'acting' (in quotation because this is a grey zone) to have a particular sexual experience, rather than some kind of imposition. Literally some people treat it as a form of self-expression/art. But I get that that may not be too common, just wanted to point out exceptions.

@Tangerinedream Yeah it can be demoralizing when few people seem to be genuine... And with sexuality, it's a vulnerable situation. So trust is pretty important imo. So feeling like you're disposable is not going to make you feel trusting. And for someone to fully trust the other to express their authentic sexuality might also take some time (feeling of emotional safety etc). Overall I guess we could all be a bit more proactive and work on being the best partner we could be, and trust that it would attract someone with similar outlooks.

Sorry but I have to disagree with this, it totally depends on the person... and I also cannot claim to know what other women are like in this regard. EDIT: But I'm not a sociologist/sexologist and do not know whether I'm just some outlier case lol.

Depending on where you live and all that, running an Airbnb unit can be a pretty reliable source of income. Though it's not a guarantee you have to offer a lot of value to get traction at first but once you do it's about what you're looking at.

Well... I guess it's a bit obvious but it literally takes two to tango. In my experience, most people are just not that invested in developing sexual skills and being committed to overcoming the awkwardness of expanding their capacity unless they consciously make this a priority in their life, on top of things like self-actualizing and being the best partner they can be for the other. Empathy is not the norm it seems.

@Husseinisdoingfine Lol I still have that sitting on my bookshelf. Thanks for the reminder.

@Tangerinedream Unpopular opinion, but it could also be a product of childhood unmet needs, which gets transmuted into an addiction when puberty hits. At least this is how a lot of therapists see things/are trained to view things, in addition to explanations such as not being in compatible/healthy relationships, understanding oneself, lacking in skills to communicate needs/wants to partner(s).

@Terell Kirby Recognition of what the highest love calls for in every situation. Takes discipline at first until it becomes second nature I suppose.

I feel like people with higher “intelligence” in the abstract sense seek out more variety in sex, a hyperactive brain that thrives on complexity and intricacies, varieties.. but they are also people who can threaten the status quo via deconstruction of traditional marriage/monogamy for example hence tend to be demonized..

It's not so black and white like that. People who can't even get their basic needs met are not going to self actualize. Their struggle should lead to something meaningful instead of this hopeless hamster wheel. They'll just be stuck on the hamster wheel. Sure some do get desperate enough and do break out of it, but those are exceptions not the rule. And a UBI doesn't solve everything it's merely a poverty wage that guarantees some dignity. I am advocating for an environment in which most people can have the floor to self actualize should they choose to in their life time, rather than it being for a select few exceptions.

I'm all for a universal basic income and public funded healthcare (among other things) before excesses of wealth land in the hands of few individuals. This hypothetically could accelerate the evolution of the collective consciousness.

Is it possible that you're searching for some kind of intimacy through it (besides meeting biological needs)? Or desire the kind of intimacy shown but do not have it in your life currently. Just a thought.

You're waking up to this pattern for most of humanity, yes most people are not conscious enough to be unconditionally loving, relationships now tend not to be unconditional, but that doesn't mean it isn't a possibility for you and others who wish to evolve to their potential. You recognizing this pattern is the first step towards more unconditional love for yourself and all of humanity. You deserve unconditional love need no explanation, but if you really want one I suppose it's one of the crucial ingredients for beings to evolve and expand their consciousness. And that's the journey we're on. All the things that're happening externally are to bring you to greater consciousness, wake you up to your true nature, love, peacefulness, joy. But even if you stay where you are now in relative terms, the universe does not discriminate, it loves equally. It does not have a preference for Hitler or Jesus for there is room for both. And for finite beings/in this finite form, we are capable of evolving more and more towards this universal/unconditional love that's already present and within you. Love from finite beings will always seem just short of what you are searching for. But meanwhile, your evolution could benefit from finding those who can at least give you a taste of it and there's no shame in that.

LoL that was the funniest thing I've watched in awhile... I feel like these things have already been said/hinted at in his other videos (I didn't get to watch this one just basing it off comments so far). Though I respect his decision(s) on it. It's really challenging being a public figure and considering so many of his audience has unresolved mental health issues.

@Preety_India Is there no way you could get away from her? Like just pick up your stuff and leave and find a new place? Maybe even move to a different city? Ughhh.. there's got to be something you can do!

Yea I would cut carbs first should be a relatively easy one, and gradual reduction in portions of other sugary stuff if you can't completely give it up. Find delicious but healthy recipes so you're not eating stuff you find distasteful. Find an exercise routine you can tolerate doing regularly and maybe even simultaneously meditative and relaxes you as a bonus (for me that's been swimming). I find key is similar to what @Kksd74628 mentioned, something enjoyable to you and your body, so you can keep it up day in and day out and not feel like you're totally missing out - food does bring us joy too.

I believe it is of your caregivers, but collectively there's still a lot of unresolved traumas that most caregivers don't have the capacity to do this as they didn't get it themselves and are not conscious enough to heal this part of them before having children. We are a social species and need others that's why one of the toughest punishments is solitary confinement. People who say you can meet all your needs/just let it go through meditation alone are kind of delusional imo (maybe the rarest of individuals I have not met/heard of??). You're not too fked up to be loved, you're lovable no matter what you are and how you're feeling any given moment, and you are love. I'm sorry it's so hard to find people you can be authentic with. Maybe if you put yourself out there more others will feel safe enough to do the same. We do have a somewhat toxic positivity culture esp at work and such. People struggling with depression and such cannot release this energy naturally with those around them and just keeps bottling it up. It's not helpful at all when we can all have a bit more awareness and compassion to help each other feel seen.

@Ryan_047 Have been in your shoes, very similar kind of dynamics but I think you're so much more self-aware than I was, and being thoughtful about how you might affect someone in a relationship. I had to leave home right as I finished uni, home was always quite violent and toxic to be in. Took a few years to find a decent therapist very recently (after about 9 years since first onset of depression). I'm afraid we have a very deficient mental health system and/or access to healers. I'm not sure about your financial situation now but if money was no longer an issue I'd recommend someone.. I have worked on and did whatever I could on my own but still needed that external source of unconditional love which sounds like is what was missing for you. You might feel like you're on some kind of hamster wheel to reach towards love and intimacy but on the back of your mind feel this futility. Therapy may or may not completely take that away depending, but it could take the edge off. Still not great so don't give up on the search if you can! I know it's really backwards because you're literally a victim/product of bad parenting and now have to pay the price by paying someone to give you what you deserved.. yeah it's messed up.. but it is what it is. In regards to romantic relationships, seems like you're very conscious about this and I don't think you should actively hold yourself back... actually I believe that most people enter into romantic relationships at least in part (to varying degrees) due to unresolved trauma which we all have from one extent to another. Just being conscious about it makes you healthier to begin with. Or could wait till you've had some satisfactory therapy. Healing goes in waves.. you may get some from here and there bits and pieces over the next few years, from therapists, random strangers like this forum, romantic partners, teachers, etc, it may be a neverending process but things do get better in time.

@AlwaysJoggin Could be good not to overthink something sometimes. And exploring (through studying) can help connect new dots and discover more about what you are more drawn to. Or just for the sake of it can be fun.