puporing

This definitely, they've done a number on making me feel this lifelong guilt just for existing and that I owe them stuff/my time/my love even though I don't feel like they've given me anything other than food and shelter. Thanks I'll try that, as opposed to repressing it/letting it go in the moment and become very upset/depressed after the fact. Yeah you're right I do feel bit more strongly about it and just have a hard time expressing any opposing opinions from my parents, they're very authoritarian like I can't even express my 'opinion' on taking the covid vaccine as opposed to following their order and not taking it.. Yeah I have many reasons but mainly that I don't have enough loving supportive people in my life while also struggling with depression, other than my partner who works away from home too, not a good environment to bring children into. I guess if I actually said that to them they would get pretty defensive..

Aww I totally get that! It is hard.. to meet highly conscious people or men... I have similar issues not just dating but just meeting people in general.. feel pretty lonely sometimes but also feel more alone with some. But ... I guess I can get by going more meta most days, like maybe injecting more love/understanding to my environment/place of work. I don't think being totally alone is a good answer either. The best advice I can give is just to be patient with maybe people who are close to where you're at but not quite, that expands your options.. but of course not lowering your standard so much that it's not good for you so it's a balance. I do think on a societal level we should allow people to 'take breaks' when they need, either for mental health or spiritual or life purpose reasons and not lose their shelter and food lol.

If you go meta it doesn't really matter that much.. because you see everyone as your 'children' and then everything as you.. but I guess in a relativistic sense you can place meaning to things.

Yes.. actually you don't need very much words when two people are highly conscious, you can communicate a ton just with your way of being and little words to add. It can also communicate something much deeper than language is perhaps capable of.

I totally understand that and feel the same (and about music ), not having your needs met can be very distracting to pursue life purpose goals... I think we live in a hyper sexually repressed society honestly.. not sure about where you live but where I live it's still pretty conservative. The more repressed people are the more intense these feelings can become I find.. Not sure if this applies to you... I became conscious of the fact that my needs around sex is a combination of soothing emotional pain and finding god.

@blackchair raising of consciousness.. and those of us who choose to help awaken others gently in our everyday interactions or through our life purpose.

Hmm for me there's been a combination of being very limited and being very unlimited in my dreams.. Like I could have all my desires met or, the thing I fear or give too much power to in wakefulness expand/exaggerate even more in my dreams and hinder me. But the ladder is perhaps just a sign that I have assigned it too much power/influence. Actually, the person I was seeing to help me with that walked me through such a case, where I would have recurring dreams about being blocked/interrupted on my journey (mainly my parents or parent like figures), and since then I have not had such dreams again..

Making music has helped me in that ... expressing myself more authentically and fully. It hasn't completely taken away the frustrations but it helped a lot! I also just embraced it (opened up my relationship like 4 years ago), it was hard because of cultural conditioning at large, but I'm at the stage now where it's like.. gotta embrace who I am, and that includes sexuality. I think just being able to express that one way or another (ie reduce repression) has helped me a long way. I recommend the "Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch", it validated a lot of my feelings and confusions around my sexuality. Hope that helps.

Learned all about web development/studied at a Bootcamp, got interviews, could've gotten decent paying jobs from it but turned that down.. and decided to pursue music instead because it turns out I could no longer ignore that calling and just do it on the side.

@assx95 not sure if this helps.. but as a biological woman I've struggled with the same.. for years, and still struggling with it because that's the life I chose (ie non conformity, open relationships). It's because you care that you hurt, and that is a beautiful thing in and of itself. It's a wonderful thing to be able to express love and receive love.. it can help you grow. I hope you don't lose hope completely... there are those out there who want to be collaborators of your reality.

Not a waste even if you aren't currently wanting to switch into your life purpose, it plants a seed. And that seed will grow especially as you become more and more conscious. In a weird way the life purpose and or work might come and find you and then you cannot help but pursue it...

@vindicated erudite I have some experience working with someone doing dream analysis.. it seems that it's a way to resolve or work through something we haven't been able to deal with partly or fully in wakefulness. It can be a vision or something that induces anxiety or fear, or some unmet need. It can uncover truths that you aren't ready yet to look at in wakefulness. That's just my experience though there are other interpretations..

Great idea, seems like a missing piece here. There's often a transitional period between say states of depression/victimhood and transcendence/enlightenment for those who had to work through that. Making it its own category puts the focus on it directly. You never know it could save someone's life or life situation if it's a loving and supportive space.

@Breakingthewall That makes sense thank you. It's possible that my 'flexibility' with other ways of life is actually causing confusion, in this case because my parents view me as an extension of themselves and the only real hope to their perceived mortality. I guess there's a difference between what you want for yourself and what you accept in others. Gym sounds about right.. balancing being firm and flexible at the same time.. and expressing ideas & values that are difficult to express.

I'm wondering what are people's experiences or strategies for dealing with parents/family members who are very stuck in the materialist paradigm (eg stage Blue, Orange), and constantly try to drag you back into it. They are so stuck that there's not even an opening for a shift and all they want to do is get you to be in alignment with them (also impossible for me). I am pursuing a 'career' in music/classical piano and it's just impossible to explain and I sort of gave up trying at this point because in their mind becoming an artist 'makes no money and therefore not 'worthwhile'. All they want me to do is follow the traditional path of creating children, have some kind of job, serving them to old age, etc. An additional note is I grew up in a very toxic dysfunctional narcissist parents and spent years just to create some boundaries between that and to heal & grow myself while managing the relationship with parents that is pretty much one-sided at this point. Though I have love for them from a distance, there is now a large gap between our levels of development. I am mostly operating at Stage Turquoise and most of the time I can get by acting like I agree with the materialist view to put others at ease... but lately it's been a struggle. Anyway just wanted to see if anyone else have suggestions on dealing with this, mostly I'm just keeping somewhat of a boundary but yeah family members will take that the wrong way generally and try to 'get you back'. I wish Eckhart Tolle talked more about his relationship with his parents. I guess meanwhile I will just have to make peace with the fact that I will have to continue to act and pretend I am operating from a similar place. I appreciate any feedback or wisdom you might have on this topic.

Conversations with God series by Neale Donald Walsch.

@Nahm Thank you, I feel like something really clicked there for me along with your previous reply. @Rigel I would call it emotional harassment.. still recognizing it's the level of consciousness others are at, it's a long history of such behavior and I've gotten better at dealing with it over time and sought therapy for. Most therapists I've seen don't really have a good answer because they still operate under the assumption that 'they're your parents and can't be that bad'. But my situation is basically that if I were to have a relationship with them they immediately attempt to seize control over my thoughts and feelings and actions I take in the world, criticize them, demonize them and change me to something else, it's about control and power over me. And if I were to distance myself so as to pursue my growth and peace of mind I get harrassed for why I don't share with them.

@Eternal Unity Thank you for your kind words. It may help to reassure them one way or another as most of the interventions are born out of fear of the unknown. @The Buddha That's awesome thank you for sharing that , and the reminder that this is also a part of what propels even more growth! On some level I get the sense that I chose this set of circumstances to birth into.. (like choosing hard mode in a game lol). @kinesin I don't want to change them and I understand why they think the way they do, it's just dealing with the constant pressure to be in alignment with those stages which often in this case invite a lot of hostility (and sometimes emotional abuse) to the path I'm choosing. I do understand that when you choose your own path, that is kind of inevitable that people will not understand or even be hostile towards you.. and you keep going anyway despite oppositions. It's just been a very lonely experience I guess I caved and shared, simply posting my struggles gave more hope and light to the path I'm still on. It seems like the answer is more and more acceptance.

Hey I'm working on something similar too! Urban farms to be more exact. Glad there are like minds out there! I am in the middle of finding suitable land to farm right now.

@Lauritz From a job/career perspective, I may no longer be directly applying my degree. But I think my business is related in many ways and a lot of my previous work experience will come in handy. I think starting your business you have to wear so many hats so I'm sure your experience in that field will be useful, if nothing else working at an organization did teach me about running a business and people. I think yeah it's not easy if you went to school for that specific kind of job, I definitely felt like a lot of my years could've been used somewhere else had I had those insights sooner. But that's perhaps what we have to go through in life to learn what we truly want. I think if I had a really cushy job right out of school it might've taken me longer to realize some things. We all change and it sounds like it's change for the better. It takes courage to pave your own path, but it'll be worth trying vs feeling like spending most of the day at work just for a paycheck. You could also think about the business more while you're still working, like doing some research on the side, and then take the plunge if that works better. Some people go part time first before taking the full plunge if you can negotiate something like that with the company.

@Lauritz If you're in a bad money situation (like having debt), I would say stick it out until it's paid off.. But it doesn't sound like that is the case. I quit a job in my field of study (which I thought was my life purpose) mostly because the company I worked for was unethical, so what you would call low conscious job after I realized that. It was the best decision I've made and I wouldn't go back for the money (yes I'd rather work a lesser paid job), I would've quit earlier if not for my living situation. Now I am working on starting my own business. So I do think it's a trade off of your precious time. I think it's REALLY hard on you once you reach a certain level of consciousness to stay at such jobs, it's like living in-congruently with your values and it does hurt your self-esteem to not live truly to yourself.

@nexusoflife I can relate to just about every statement there and have gone through a similar period of learning and becoming aware of what goes on around us. There are however, hopeful stories around us as well and I seek to be part of those from day to day. Every little action counts and feels empowering if you follow through on what feels integral to you - such as working for an employer that you feel is contributing to a greater cause than itself, starting your business that will help solve some of these problems, choosing to live minimalistically, etc (or like being vegetarian as you've mentioned). One thing I feel positive about is the role the internet is playing in raising the collective conscious or in making such endeavor more accessible to those who seek it. As well it is more possible now to be in business for yourself than previous days and to create industries that were never dreamt of before. I still suffer from depression but I think taking steps/actions to live the way I envision helps with that. Could start by creating a vision of what you want your life and your work/contribution to look like (this is touched upon in Leo's course as well). Having a vision helps to motivate you to take actions towards that. Hope that helped!

@rush I just got out of my past job into a government and nonprofit type organization. I think your work environment and the visions the organization has plays a big role! I'd say do lots of research into the organization before entering, or you know, keep looking for one that you could maximize alignment with your values or what would make it fulfilling. I think it just depends on what you want out of a job, a lot of people might see it as something that pays for bills or you know, status/prestige.

Feel the same way! I think the key there might be to find someone who is at least open-minded enough to have the potential to grasp those works and be able to talk about them. Open-mindedness is probably what got a lot of us on this journey in the first place.

@rush I thought I followed my "passions" by getting a degree in a field of a long term interest, and then pursuing a job in that field. The problem I am facing now is not so much I am not in the field of choice or doing the work I thought was my life purpose, but not being able to have input in my work (ie, creating very standardized work products that have little to no individuality/thought), and not being able to keep expanding my skills/mastery in a corporate environment (ie, I don't have the freedom to offer another service to clients whenever I could or specialize in an area of interest). And it is the nature of most giant corporations with inflexible management systems, they are not made to be "individualistic". So now I think differently about the whole idea of going through school to get a job, some days it feels like a lot of time has gone to waste, but sometimes you learn these lessons the hard way by experiencing them, which is what got me here I think. It's never too late though to be creative and contribute in your own unique way! Don't give up.