puporing

@Preety_India Also forgot to say, this isn't 'passive aggressive', it is pretty darn aggressive lol. Passive-aggressive is when you turn a guy down and then afterward he just kind of 'ignores' you or is not as friendly as before for example.

Rofl yeah something positive always a bonus. I think I did but I tested negative for it early 2020, but I've never gotten that sick before with pneumonia and everything, couldn't work for like 3-4 months along with the cough and extreme fatigue, at one point I seriously thought I was gonna die coz I was having such a hard time breathing just laying in bed and can't sleep coz short of breath and barely can take care of myself. So in my mind it felt like I got another chance to live. ??

Yeah.. sorry to hear man. I genuinely wish you were in a better place in the world or something.

I think this is more like 'harrassment' more than anything.. but maybe it's more common in India I'm not sure. I've experienced that before and it has a feeling of unsafety. Unfortunately if the society at large decides not to protect women from this I don't know what you can do .

Would you consider seeing a chiropractor as well? Maybe something got misaligned and can be re-aligned. Shoulder blades easily do that, sometimes also happens when we sleep in a weird position and just never notice.

Hmm... can't say anything about the ribcage pain.. was that like a muscle thing or felt more internal? But yeah the coughing can go on a long time/turn into bronchitis.

To be fair lot of people here are here because they had/have bad upbringing and lack of social supports/relationships otherwise as a result, and are still working through this with little support they can find from this forum, plus wanting to grow etc. I don't think it's just about "finding truth" though the two aren't exclusive.

@Gabith I'm so sorry about that.. something out of your control and you were just going on with your life. It could be a good test/opportunity to contemplate and see if you can go higher than what is happening in the relative and notice how much your sense of being is still dependent on what's happening in the external world. What is in your power to do right now is to stop the division that is limiting your ability to create/vision a world you do want to be in and have the power to create. This is all affected by the way you feel and how you may act on those feelings. If we want more peacefulness and love we must also invite those into ourselves, aim to raise our consciousness so totally that no darkness can be found in our presence. This is a great growth opportunity. You can do it . Sending peace and love.

Yes similar, maybe it helped that I followed his content from the start/read lot of the books on his booklist, and have been integrating it all throughout I'd say... doing shadow work crap that was keeping me from peacefulness , went through various health problems, etc. In a pretty good place now don't think solipsism or something else can easily throw me into a deep end... but life is always testing.

There aren't alot of information to go off of.. how long have you been feeling fear/anxiety? That might give a clue.. the stuff you mentioned may be triggers to something else, hard to say. And what do you mean by can't stop thinking about suicide? For yourself or others?

@BlueOak

I don't know about protein shakes but since starting heavy metal chelation my complexion has gotten better.

The most Actualized.org question I've ever read.

Here’s a list to start off: Go for a walk, go to bed at a decent hour, eat less crap, watch the sunset, get in shape, meet a hottie.

Brings up a good point I think... what's the line? Is it okay if someone inserts a link to their website in their signature that is their main work/life purpose, but not okay when they actively promote it or get money from people here? Where to draw the line?

Yes we are a product of our environment. Stress really can change one's 'personality' and behaviors. I am much more able to feel peaceful and from a giving place when not over-stressed or around toxic people all the time.

Yes exactly. @Raptorsin7 It's so hard to know the truth beyond what is presented, one can only really speculate and go with and trust their intuitions. But personally don't have a great feeling when someone asks for something like $150/hr for example and you not getting much value each time. It may be a different story if every time/session you felt like a lot of growth was happening that was worth what you were paying, and at some point you've exhausted growing with the person and then stopped. But sounds like your case has to do with putting a lot of trust on someone from the start as one might assume this community has more trustworthy people than the outside, so I think Leo has some responsibility here as well for not knowing what's going on.

@Raptorsin7 @Preety_India Also I feel the scale of this matters, don't know the details of how 'donations' worked, but it's one thing to pay a few sessions and realize it's not working for you (say hundreds of dollars), vs something pretty astronomical imo. That is pretty traumatizing in and of itself.

@Raptorsin7 I think it's good you're sharing your experience with others who may be in vulnerable places in their life looking for something, despite the possible backlash, which can be really difficult (victim blaming) and possibly make you gaslight yourself even. Vulnerable people need to know what can be out there, there are people who take advantage of this.

@sleep yeah I'd def look into your past more... sounds like it may have contributed to the feeling of numbness or hopeless feeling. We're generally wired to live and keep going, something must've disrupted this when you were younger. Sounds very lonely the way you grew up (feeling disconnected). A lack of nuturing people in our lives can put us in such a dark place, it's a product of your environment mostly, rarely do people who feel nurtured/seen/loved want to end their life I'd say. There are two kinds of abuse - one is more active and easily identified, the other is a lack of nuturance/care, which is harder to identify and thus more damaging imo. There's not an easy fix for this... you sound like essentially an orphan who didn't even know what was missing. Finding a good therapist will help but it make take a few tries (it can be very frustrating). The goal is to have this sense of someone giving you proper parenting/guidance at which point you feel strengthened enough to go on on your own. Meanwhile talking to people who may understand you helps too. Sorry I went on a bit, felt like this was relevant. And yeah the other stuff like finding what you like will come more easily once things don't have this grey tint to everything.

Have you been discouraged alot from trying different things? Often things take a long time to take traction. Or you haven't found something that's worth doing in and of itself, and simultaneously maybe worried about making living. I know I had those conflicts alot...

@BlueOak Yeah it's important to be seen. Perhaps you have gotten so little of it before that this feels like 'indulging'. Yes, financial barrier is a problem and keeps a lot of us stuck for longer than it might otherwise have... one day I hope we can all do a bit of this for each other, have the emotional maturity and capacity to reflect the other without judgment and with care. Thank you, you as well.

What are the things that you do not want/like putting up with? I understand they are perhaps too big to 'change'. Maybe it's not a personal situation but something larger/collective. If so, is there a possibility I could make peace with where the collective is at and inject myself wherever I can in my limited capacity to create a kind of place I want to be in? How does change happen anyway if not from a handful of individuals who cared enough, maybe this could be a purpose for you to be here.

I get you, maybe it feels like you didn't ask to be here and here you are. What if it's not possible to not play the game? ie, what if you'll just be birthed into another life?

Depends on how much you value your time/attention and how much of this you feel is a 'requirement' as you say for your employment... If it feels conditional of your employment I guess some balance is needed if you want to keep your job? Otherwise can just get away from the person or minimize interaction. I'm the same way these days... hard to be around someone just ranting and not really engaging. I have sympathy to an extent maybe they never felt fully heard and need therapy or something. Just doesn't change how I want to engage with someone..