puporing

Why would someone simultaneously feel objectified (as in this is producing a negative feeling) and continue seeing the person. This sounds like a low self-esteem issue. Whereas otherwise you wanted that connection to begin with and you got what you wanted if it was mutual.

@PurpleTree yeah I don't plan to do that off rounds either. It was also a warning repeated throughout Andy's book lol.

Oh geebuz, thanks for that! I did not look into that but that all sounds amazing. Esp the carpel tunnel thing coz I struggle with nerve/muscle pain. Yeah I'm taking this thing called Bupropion which is both good for ADD and depression. I seriously only take like one pill on avg maybe once a month..? Like when I experience some kind of bad compulsion/depressed mood I can't get out of, and it seems to lift me out of it just taking it once, dunno why.

??

Yes I do, just after maybe 3-4 days of stopping things start to get worse again, which is not bad. Yeh.. SSRI's side effects aren't great... I have some leftovers and only take it when I'm experiencing bad symptoms (not what the docs recommend haha).

I don't know much about your practical life right now, it's possible that the awakenings have been showing you a lot of truths all at once meanwhile your life keeps going the way it was before. There might be a dissonance happening. There is a period of integration.. right now it may be like a shock to the system and you still need time to examine your life and what these awakenings mean to you now. And sounds like you're in the nihilistic phase, there is more to this than nihilism. Could also just try stopping everything for a while and see what comes up, don't make yourself do anything for a while, and just be (if that's possible). Let go of other people's expectations of you (more than likely they're based around what's acceptable by society and you're trying to go beyond this). For me, this period lasted about a year to two and things leading up to that. And now I feel just a lot of freedom to be/create that is not based on what others expect of me. Just trying to share that's a possibility for you too.

@PurpleTree Been dealing with similar stuff. Therapy did help but didn't take it all away. I'm on my 3rd round of heavy metal detoxing and I feel less foggy while I'm on rounds (hope it's not just a placebo thing). There have been times where I felt depressed and it was lifted when I get on the ALA/DMSA, I don't know, just my experience so far. Also SSRI can help too if it is a chemical thing.

LoL, it's also not the "destination". Being free to explore consciously will accelerate one's "burning of karma", shadow sides drop away faster when it is allowed to be seen and integrated fully. The abundance of love will make one feel more whole/complete and able to pursue self actualization instead of chasing something to fill this sense of lack. Hence the next future I predict will be towards more peacefulness and equanimity.

Yup.. I believe so too. Poly is likely the future when a significant enough number of people awaken.

Feel like I can breathe again

@Preety_India Okay. I understand. I was actually thinking about that, where you could go somewhere during the day and not have to see her for the most part except to get your food and sleeping over. Once you get better from Covid that is. Support groups sound like a great place to start, where hopefully you can meet healthier/nonviolent people. Are there many public spaces in India like libraries? What about schools? I know that attending costs money. I have no idea how it works there, but hypothetically I wonder if it's possible to study on a casual basis and just so you have access to the space at all times. The situation in India sounds horrible to me and I imagine there are many people like yourself as a result. I know even in Japan though surprisingly has a growing homeless youth problem caused by their family of origin for the most part and a very unsupportive social system. Well in any case, feel free to dm me if your situation changes and you feel like a fundraiser could really help you with your goals. Would be happy to help organize a post on that (unless Leo tells me this is not allowed on here).

@Preety_India That sounds just extremely tough... I understand what you mean by making the best decision with what you have. I just feel like even the risk of what you described so far outweighs how much damage your mom is creating. Your health probably will have a hard time recovering with her around and constantly in high stress. But I understand the aloneness. I too have moved out without support at one point but I'm in Canada which may have been alot better (still had some shitty things to deal with). And I don't know what the work situation is like where you are. I've had to put up with some not great work to start. All in all there's probably not going to be an optimal solution here but you can make steps towards it. The psychological hole and turmoil in the aftermath will take much longer to heal but it has to start some place. I still think this community could help you out somehow. Having some money will give you more options. And when you say a decent place to rent cost money, how much are you talking about? It may not be as much for people overseas so we could probably easily make a successful fundraiser to get you going.

Need to start a GoFundMe for her.

Matt Kahn is great to listen to on this.

yup lol.

Yes but some people (men or women) are into 'acting' (in quotation because this is a grey zone) to have a particular sexual experience, rather than some kind of imposition. Literally some people treat it as a form of self-expression/art. But I get that that may not be too common, just wanted to point out exceptions.

@Tangerinedream Yeah it can be demoralizing when few people seem to be genuine... And with sexuality, it's a vulnerable situation. So trust is pretty important imo. So feeling like you're disposable is not going to make you feel trusting. And for someone to fully trust the other to express their authentic sexuality might also take some time (feeling of emotional safety etc). Overall I guess we could all be a bit more proactive and work on being the best partner we could be, and trust that it would attract someone with similar outlooks.

Sorry but I have to disagree with this, it totally depends on the person... and I also cannot claim to know what other women are like in this regard. EDIT: But I'm not a sociologist/sexologist and do not know whether I'm just some outlier case lol.

Depending on where you live and all that, running an Airbnb unit can be a pretty reliable source of income. Though it's not a guarantee you have to offer a lot of value to get traction at first but once you do it's about what you're looking at.

Well... I guess it's a bit obvious but it literally takes two to tango. In my experience, most people are just not that invested in developing sexual skills and being committed to overcoming the awkwardness of expanding their capacity unless they consciously make this a priority in their life, on top of things like self-actualizing and being the best partner they can be for the other. Empathy is not the norm it seems.

@Husseinisdoingfine Lol I still have that sitting on my bookshelf. Thanks for the reminder.

@Tangerinedream Unpopular opinion, but it could also be a product of childhood unmet needs, which gets transmuted into an addiction when puberty hits. At least this is how a lot of therapists see things/are trained to view things, in addition to explanations such as not being in compatible/healthy relationships, understanding oneself, lacking in skills to communicate needs/wants to partner(s).

@Terell Kirby Recognition of what the highest love calls for in every situation. Takes discipline at first until it becomes second nature I suppose.

I feel like people with higher “intelligence” in the abstract sense seek out more variety in sex, a hyperactive brain that thrives on complexity and intricacies, varieties.. but they are also people who can threaten the status quo via deconstruction of traditional marriage/monogamy for example hence tend to be demonized..