puporing

@Preety_India I thought he was saying in the context of meeting a total stranger. Like one wouldn't normally expect sex from a stranger on day 1 so if it happened that's a pretty good result? Or are you all saying this is the expectation nowadays and I'm out of touch with the dating scene rofl?!?

Well this is all relative to me. 10 hours can be seen as long or super short depending on the context lol. To me it actually seems short. And I'm not just talking from the perspective of being 'chased', I'm also talking about the perspective of 'chaser'. I've learned, but when I was younger I've chased guys for years at a time that led to nothing. Not smart but I did that because it was important at the time. And I am certainly not promoting this...

@Preety_India Sort of, just saying how much one prioritizes and values romance/sex is a factor, someone who cares a lot about it vs someone just sort of cares/wants it if it happened, degrees of caring/prioritizing. So it may seem 'too desperate' to people who are not prioritizing romance/sex as someone who is.

This thread... Some people just care more about romance than others, there's no shame in this.

@Tristan12 Don't know, was just my experience, is it possible that intersectionality played a role (racial and gender bias)? I've heard from a couple of white males who had a similar upbringing as me who seemed to have received better therapy even financial help for the therapy that are not generally offered to the public. So this is something I cannot find out..

I have sympathy for them and the need to be heard and I believe they have been heard. It was prob not a pure coincidence that provinces suddenly seemed to accelerate the process of lifting restrictions since the protests began. Trudeau may have a touch of the pride to acknowledge and not demonize the other side which I think would've calmed things down more quickly. But yeah at the same time the restrictions were largely made around the capacity of the publicly funded healthcare system. Hopefully this is all going to end soon.

Sorry that it's all in Japanese

I just thought that was a super cute comment.

@John Paul Yeah.. somehow I was able to recognize it and moved on from them.. I think most therapists have not internally broken away from their parents so they cannot help someone else to do this either. There's still some value and most are empathetic to an extent or another.

Yeah don't like the label either doesn't help anyone. More compassion is needed not less. I also wonder how many of them were given bad information on their appearance by their family of origin. That shit can feed itself forever if the internalized messaging doesn't get broken.

I guess if you're accepting or even joyous of the discovery/whatever truth is presented then it is happiness, if you're resisting it then it could do the opposite.

@Raptorsin7 It's hard to say for sure as I'm always growing and evolving too. At least in part has to do with wanting to explore so right now this feels more harmonious to me. Maybe one day I'll get crushed enough to give it up . Will have to figure it out through experience I guess!

What you might consider disharmony is subjective to what the current mainstream paradigm calls for. One might call someone who do not want to let go of people they love/have connected with, someone who desire deep connections with beings they come across - to be 'disharmonious', but this is based on the status quo thinking which says one should not feel that way or want that, which you also mentioned is not necessarily optimal. Most psychologists would label this as sickness, but perhaps they're just denying the truths that I am presenting and have directly experienced, and am willing to speak about. I have not excluded the desire for monogamy either, but people can want very paradoxical things in life.

Yes and there is nothing wrong with choosing/wanting that. I think what I'm mostly pushing for in my lifetime, is the hope for poly arrangements to not be discriminated against so heavily, even if only a minority of the population choose to engage in it. It's not that different from being gay not long ago (as in the level of 'hatred and discrimination').

Yeah like I was saying it requires greater consciousness of all involved. So we won't have this until quite some time in the future, perhaps. Right now poly can only remain 'underground' and to people that find a way somehow.

It's not just about sex though. It's very possible to form deep bonds with more than one person. But I get what you're saying.

@Raptorsin7 There's prob going to be a whole spectrum of arrangements. People will still go through periods of monogamy despite poly being an option. People who choose poly arrangements for a time can still be open to monogamy and so on, and stuff in between. It's a lot of complexity and I think requires more maturity for all involved. Personally wouldn't want a 'main partner' situation if I'm entering in a poly setup as it makes anyone else seem lesser. In this case, everyone should strive to be independent, but some dependence seems healthy too. Even in our current system, some people often remain as friends after breakups/divorces. A 'main partner' set-up is also fine if well communicated to others so they know what to expect. All in all it requires better communication skills the more complex it gets. In regards to child-rearing, I think it would be spread out to the partners if they got along/want to be part of it, their family members, and the community they're in. How well childcare is funded also plays a role. Personally feel like this is a healthy thing for the child to be exposed to more parental-like figures than just their biological parents. And this creates a sense of 'children are not properties' of the parents. Or one can simply choose not to have children when engaged in a poly setup. All of this demands greater consciousness of all individuals involved because it is more emotional labor to grow into this reality. Where I feel most people are at now simply don't want to deal with this complexity.

Ugh.. so sorry.. I've been thinking about this lately, the border thing. Especially if you are closer to truth than most of your community members are. I'm in too much of a privileged situation in comparison to say something like 'this is to help souls evolve' as I don't believe in suffering for the sake of suffering. I'm not sure how much someone can plan this or if this could even apply for you... but I've seen interviews of individuals who were whistleblowers to the Chinese communist party who did something that allowed them to flee to another country (asylum seekers/refugees). Is that an option?

@John Paul Yeah like half-ass support, half-siding with the parents half siding with me, something like that, which was not enough to help me move through the pain. Might work for others who want to keep a 'good relationship' with their parents though I don't know. To me it was just more gaslighting which is also what society tends to do when you talk about such a topic.

Yes but he's controversial - Daniel Mackler (he's on YouTube) if you feel up to it. He helped me a lot I really needed someone to side with my inner child and not waver on it (fact is 5/6 of the therapists I saw did waver on this). Also highly recommend Gabor Mate, he's prob more palatable to the spiritual crowd.

What I've experienced is that people who feel like they have less power in the relationship will "play more games", doesn't matter man or woman, though I've only experienced this from my side. It's usually pretty effective if you just cut straight to the point. This will end the 'game' if there was one and reveal the truth. (If that's what you want, or you want to keep playing the game, no right choice here).

That's the price of polyamory/open relationships, you have to be fairly independent already to want to engage in this and accept aloneness above all relationships. Because it guarantees nothing. Not that monogamy does either though just that it's more of an 'agreed contract' for some time.

@K Ghoul LoL nice. I just wouldn't want to live all together like that especially since everyone should be able to date outside if they wished to, and this makes it seem more like a harem ?. But Yeh people can have their own arrangements I guess whatever works for them.