puporing

Maybe you should just take some time off of it ???... or try small doses.

Well if it starts to not feel good... I wouldn't keep doing it. Let them come to you and see what happens. That also opens you up to meeting new people!

Yes mostly in places like Vancouver, but also online shops...

I was a bit hesitant to share this but depending on the market you're in, 30k might be enough for investing/downpayment in a rental suite. That is if after assessing risks you see a potential for positive return on it. You'd want to have backup cash in case it doesn't rent out/sits vacant. So this advice is only really good if you're in a decent market with not already over-inflated prices.

Few suggestions... Don't need to force ego death if you aren't completely there yet. It's better I find that you've reached a point where living from the ego/seperate self no longer fulfills you and you have a longing to "expand"/"go beyond". And a healthy ego is still required for some stuff even after dissolution, just integrated as part of a larger whole. Dealing with the transition... It can take time. Maybe for some it could be instantly blissful especially if they had a rather difficult life or have been looking for answers to existential questions, but for others there could be a period of "grieving", sense of loss and disorientation, confusion. Accept the feelings and resistence. Take the time you need for the new orientation. Look forward to the peacefulness and unconditional love it should start to invite to your life to help you with the confusion/discomforts.

Oh god it's been so long, but some names that come to mind are NaDa, BoxeR, MMA, NesTea. I stopped following the tournaments after around 2013. And geebus you got pretty far with it! Yeah it's really competitive.

Yes it's pretty epic . He composed it after going through a period of depression. Thanks for sharing those too. I haven't explored Schubert as much yet.

Yeah it was a lot of fun lmao. : ) I used to stay up to watch Korean esports tournaments, good times.

I don't play anymore but past favorites: Transistor, Starcraft, Ragnarok Online, Stardew Valley, Bastion, Metal Gear Solid 1& 3, Portal, Persona, Catherine, Tearaway, Journey, Moonlighter ?

Ohhhh love this! Careful I might go all out... Enjoy. Ok I should stop...

Might have to put out warnings like no guarantees that someone's sourcing info will work out for the next individual.

LOL Thanks I failed to notice!

That's true, I didn't know if that was allowed at first.

Might help some people.. I spent lots of time trying to figure out if sites are scams or legitimate and delayed things a lot due to being unable to differentiate and not knowing anyone that could offer trusted sources.

@Leo Gura Would that get you (or others) in trouble by discussing it openly? Since your country has stricter control than some others.

Ask and it is given

@Someone here Your wish came true . There's lots but I'll go with this one... ?

It happens because you just want to know the whole truth and not a partial truth, and you are not satisfied until then. I would rather live the rest of my life from what is true than falsehood, even if I won't fit in or be accepted by most in society, it's still worth all that and more. Namaste.

LOL. Like I was saying classic "Tsundere" (I can't think of another word for it sorry). Go figure.

It's good that you're noticing it/have started to become aware of it. Is it a feeling of unsafety if you were to imagine yourself showing emotions to someone you thought were close to you? Can you recall at all in your early childhood at what point did you start shutting them off (in order to be accepted by a caregiver..)? This could've been very early so don't beat yourself up if you can't remember.. I wouldn't completely abandon LSD/psychedelics as an option to help you "peel away the layers", but perhaps low doses might be more suitable.. and slowly work your way in. As for therapy... you might want someone who is able to show their emotions to you openly. This can be hard to find actually. Don't settle on someone if it doesn't feel quite right. They would also have to feel very safe to be around... ultimately it's a "simulation" of the caregiver relationship where you can feel safe and heal the parts that you didn't feel safe before.

Pretty sure you can just send him a message.

Well it was nice to see all the care-i-boos gathering.

Yes perhaps, but not something to aspire to I hope .

(I wish I had more to say in the feeling loved section, and not turn this into some sort of “list of grievances”, but nevertheless this was how I experienced growing up in my family) ---- Things that made me feel loved... - Being given healthy food generally, my basic survival was taken care of - Being worried about when I got injured - Rare instances of recognition of my character that they liked, moments where I felt seen - My parents decision to move abroad because they hoped our lives would improve (this later I realized gave me the opportunity for liberation from them and the culture they had come from and to discover spirituality). ----- Things that made me feel unloved... - Most of everything felt conditional, whatever my mom did was to get emotional support, be her submissive punch bag, and to get things/attention from me, if I failed this criteria hostility ensues - Constant fighting (and temporary separations) between my parents that turn violent, made me feel like the stress, worry, and sadness it kept causing in me were invisible to them, I became more and more hopeless about living with them which only ceased few years after I moved out. - Forced to lie about how things really were in my family to others, speech suppression, pretend normal, I felt like an actor that didn’t know I was acting - Not being heard - Used everything I’ve got emotionally to "mediate" my parents relationship time after time to no avail and dismissed each time, my efforts felt wasted - No one cared about who I am, what I liked, how I wanted to live. It was never about me but always about them and their problems - No one cared about my feelings, negative feelings were met with hostility, I cried alone often in silence to avoid conflict - Being beaten as a little kid to submission a few times and I learned quickly that it was not safe to be myself or have desires that “inconvenienced” my mom - Blamed and treated like a burden whenever I got sick, especially when money is involved like dental work - Monitored and controlled with everything I do, then judged and harassed for what I do or not do in a way my mom liked me to - No privacy, my mom felt entitled to barge into my room whenever she felt like, if I tried to enforce privacy she starts a fight with me - Cannot ever please the parents, criticized and picked apart for little things that irritate mom, despite being generally loved by my teachers and always been a top student - Not allowed to have fun, like playing video games with friends (I did anyway under stress/whatever limited amounts), watch too much anime, etc. - My moments of pride were met with hostility if it felt threatening to them (like when I first built my PC, my dad threatened to break it because I played some games on it). - My dreams, goals and purpose in life did not matter - My appearance was picked apart often and needing to be fixed, this made me insecure for the longest time and depressed about dating - Yelled at and called names frequently for not agreeing to every demand from mom and this became more and more of a problem as I got older - Shamed for any sign of my sexuality starting to express, restricted in my social interactions, made me depressed about being a sexual being and suppressing myself by continuing to wear childish clothes around them - My parents ganging up on me whenever there's a conflict (like with my mom), no one sided with me, I felt that I had no allies or someone I can trust/count on - Sexual gazes from my dad which were unwelcomed but I could not get away from, this made me feel disrespected and violated (To anyone reading, I am mostly healed now and feel liberated, recounting these things still gives me a visceral feeling but I no longer identify with my past as much as I used to or let it get to me )

Ohh this is gonna get personal.