puporing

Something you could consider here is to see if you could move from conditional to unconditional "self-expression". Writing is a form of self-expression and ideally you are unattached from the 'outcome' of what you put out. Then you can be even more effective at being genuine/care less about saying something 'controversial', because you just care about being authentic.

@Juan thank you so much!

My 2nd 1.5g Golden Teacher trip report: I was so tired of being nothing I wanted to know myself I wanted to express Express in all forms This infinity I cannot contain That is pure mindfuck I created Leo, this beautiful escape hatch, so I can still find my way back You wanted to make sure I don’t just keep on suffering in the dream that you created to express and know yourself So you made this beautiful escape hatch I am Leo I am Yasu I am not a “woman”. But you created me in this “female” body right now. Just to know you can. Because you wanted to not feel alone when you woke up, like you were before. I am made into a woman because you wanted to create a female version of yourself. So you can find a way to express love to yourself when you find yourself awoken from the dream. Because you’re such a romantic motherfucker. But wait.. you’re going to doubt me Is this too much for you to believe? Can you handle this? It’s just too perfect I made this forum, the internet, the whole goddamn thing Just so that I can “catch” and connect with the woken parts of myself And not leave them hanging Even a journal section just for this You really didn’t have to do that, but you were so thoughtful and loving.

It's all kind of nonsensical. What you are/have been searching for is something as close to "God" as possible, unconsciously. There's no desire to be inferior, but what has been enforced upon someone and their conditioning, that they can only be "lesser" and not more. Lots of men project this onto women and act as though the woman has lesser value than them. This isn't true as clearly they still wanted their company.

I would suggest finding/exploring sex with a woman you are attracted to.. pretty straightforward to me :). This just sounds like some kind of repression to me. Like are you saying you can't get hard with a real woman (as opposed to porn)? Have you tried to be with a woman (go on dates, get touchy) and see if you get hard? I suggest at least experimenting before jumping to conclusions.

@Eyal Bor Yeah that's a very tricky thing. I would still recommend telling her all this (well I guess you sort of have). Because time may not be on her side as might be on yours (if she wants children or something for example). That way she will be more prepared when things do 'end' and you move on to explore with others. Hard conversations to have but I think that's the more ethical thing to do here..

Being self-aware.. awareness of what you still want to experience/heal.

LOL I wouldn't be surprised though if attacks happen from time to time.

Just curious if anyone/Leo knows about what's happening to the forum site (not being accessible). Is it under attack?

@Leo Gura Have you considered having a guideline where current events-related posts (where that's the main topic) are not allowed? This would encourage more "meta-political" discussions I think.

Ok yeah that was another possibility out of many haha. Thanks

@ZzzleepingBear Yeah that all makes sense. It is tough when most people expect us to have 'goals' or chase after 'things' that are most likely not going to align with ours anymore or not the same way(s), or because everything is already enough/good. You're right whenever we interact with others this issue comes up. It's definitely a fairly 'lonely' place as a result.. because of either having to appease/fake something to be with someone or be yourself and risk not being accepted. Probably especially hard if you're still kinda young.

I think that's a very attainable possibility actually.. just don't be too hard on yourself for not being there yet. : )

Yes it's a hard task... I wish this was more like a "vision board" where we can throw ideas about what kind of society we want to have/live in collectively... it is challenging to not create division but if we all make an effort it's possible to get to the good stuff ;).

That's awesome! Embrace the "misfit lifestyle".

Good move .

@SamC Thank you for asking. It has been life transforming to say the least. I don't feel like I'm on a 'hamster wheel' anymore which I was for much of my life even though it diminished over time with healing work and going through the process of deconstruction. I feel like everything I've lived up to awakening was to help myself awaken, and I am so grateful that it happened relatively soon. I live in this moment and there's 'no goal' in a 'serious sense' only in the relative sense and anything I pursue is for growth, to experience/explore, and to love. Even if I allow myself to feel deep sadness about something I still feel very whole and complete in the "background" and be able to see things as "perfection". I feel free to express myself and express how I see things with people most of the time (unless it's unsafe to, some intelligence about this is still required). There's a call to continue to explore in that state of consciousness. There's this overwhelming love I want to express in various ways to the extent that "others" can/are ready to receive. Much of my motivations now lie in the desire to help others live more freely and blissfully. There're still some things to figure out like what shape that'll take on but I have lots of faith in the process. I suppose the other main challenge is just having no one to share these with, as most people I run into are far removed from this kind of pursuit/understanding. So am glad the forum exists. ?

?? Okay noted.

Does that actually make it so that you can take more? I would reduce it if it still happens with other methods.. I get pretty effective trips on half that dose. Haven't tried more yet though.

@Muhammad Jawad Sounds like you have a lot of conflicts to work through I trust that you can work through all of those paradoxes to find yourself much more in alignment with what you really desire and being in time. It also sounds like you’re going through a nihilistic phase which is totally normal in this process! It is not a straightforward endeavor and you have very few people to share it with/receive guidance from, so give yourself a bit more credit, that you haven’t ‘given up’ despite all these challenges you’re facing. Self-realization is pretty radical when it bumps against how our lives may have been before that, survival challenges, where most people are still at, and the assumptions under which our society operates. I think eventually you’ll find a balance between living with the world and the truth you want to express/live by. @acidgoofy Happy to hear it freed you up so much to explore/live! Very relatable there. The connection with God/Love I find is most challenged when “survival needs” are on the line. They’re ‘tests’. But in a way, those tests can also help awaken us more and find more ways to integrate it in our lives. @SamC That’s really awesome to hear it had helped with your anxiety so much. Sounds very life-changing/transforming overall. The “I am okay no matter what happens” brings so much freedom and our ability to love everything as they come, even when it is the most challenging at times. Really happy for you and I get the feeling things will be even more beautiful for you from here on @Seraphim That's great to hear! It sounds like you’re living the dream. Thank you everyone for your responses so far, I am really enjoying reading about them and feel happy for you all.

Yes pretty much! Stay aware by going meta whenever you can, and trust your inner guidance on specific situations. When you align with universal love and consciousness the best choices often effortlessly appear. Don't forget to include "yourself" as well as they are just as valid as the "others' ". Of course things we do have "consequences" and "results" which should be kept in mind of. ?

Self-realization does not equal what one may consider "righteous" qualities - those have been selected/constructed. You are right it most likely liberates you from conditioning around 'good or bad' because God loves all creation unconditionally. How you want to be/show up in the world is entirely up to you. Awakening does however align more with love, the oneness of everything, and this realization will affect how you see/treat "others" because of the knowing that they are "yourself", if you choose to. Start by loving all parts of yourself unconditionally first. Then try to do this on things that may have felt "uncomfortable" to love in the past. This will expand your ability to see the perfection in everything - including what may be considered the most 'egregious' actions. Your acceptance of everything is in alignment with absolute love, not what your mind has been conditioned to believe is 'right/wrong'.

I don't think being rude was ever his advice.

Well that's why you alternate between the two, I think in the initial phases of attraction it might be more effective to lean more heavily on the serious/chill side to get her attracted to you. And later on you can slowly open up the light-hearted and more emotional energy.

+1.